


Shed this skin I've been tripping in

by PornyZiallFeels



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, OT5 Friendship, Slow Burn, So Many Cameos, Trigger Warnings, some zerrie, teenage rehab
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2017-11-21 01:45:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 31
Words: 194,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PornyZiallFeels/pseuds/PornyZiallFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Boys of 1D are all troubled youths sent to a teenage rehab up in the woods called Mount Serenity.<br/>Warning: all the characters suffer from some sort of mental illnesses/ disorder/issue<br/>Harry: Drug Dependency and was sexually abused<br/>Louis: Bulimic/Anorexia<br/>Zayn: Pyromaniac, attempted homicide, gang member<br/>Niall: Teenage prostitution, sexual abuse and alcoholism<br/>Liam: Attempted suicide, depression<br/>Those are the main ones but there will be other character cropping up with other issues for the sake of plot so if this makes you at all uncomfortable then maybe this isn't the story for you. Sorry :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so when I was younger and head-over-heels in love with Hayden Christensen I imdb'd him and found this Canadian teenage drama he'd starred in (along with JJ from Criminal Minds) called Higher Ground, please check it out here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Higher_Ground_(TV_series) I was quickly obsessed with it and for whatever reason a couple nights ago during a rather long car ride home, i was daydreaming which i am oft to do when this little plot bunny popped into my head based very closely to the plot and premise of that show but with my own One Direction spin. 
> 
> This is my first attempt at a chaptered fic so comments, kudos and encouragement are so very much appreciated.

Harry’s mum abandoned them at the ripe age of 9 years old leaving him in the sole care of his father who was about as nurturing as the countless priceless paintings that lined the walls of their much too big home, or house rather because home implied shelter,warmth, love, and other things the four walls they lived in lacked. Des Styles was a very important and influential man as a top barrister lawyer his name was infamous and the lifestyle he led spoke volumes of this.

It wasn’t enough to keep Anne caged though who’d met him back in college when he had nothing but hopes, dreams, and just enough ambition to get him where he wanted to be. By the time Harry was born she felt her chances of escaping this life she hadn’t quite signed up for slipping away so against her better judgment she fled, leaving her son in what she thought—well hoped would be a better environment then she could provide.

For the most part she’d been right Harry has never needed for anything his entire life he went to the best private school’s money could buy always dressed in the latest fashions and had a 24 hour live-in nanny Mary since he was 9. The only thing missing was actual affection from his father or even an acknowledgment that he still knew of his existence would be nice once and a while but Des wasn’t really capable of such things, he’d been raised in a stern household where hugs were scarce and kisses a foreign concept so he’d never learned, which was a huge deciding factor in Anne leaving in the first place she couldn’t stand the clinical tone her marriage had seemed to take on.

XXX

Fast forward 7 years and Des grows romantically involved with his secretary Caroline Flack as cliché as it sounds, but really Des was a busy man who spent nearly 20 hours a day at the office so really it made perfect sense that he would fall for the only female he ever really came in contact with. Caroline was 10 years his senior and gorgeous. She was society’s idea of perfect with her long tanned legs, blonde hair, blue eyes and a figure most women would kill for. She had everything going for her, so naturally she’d want to add _filthy rich_ to her already stellar list of attributes. It didn’t much matter to her that Des often used her as little more than a sexbot and that when he did speak to her it was coldly and often belittling. She and Harry really bonded that first year of their marriage sympathizing with one another, after all they were both victims, they both longed to be loved.

Harry was 16 and although he’d never actually had a girlfriend or boyfriend for that matter he knew he was attracted to both boys and girls from a young age. He knew by the tingling sensation that occurred in his pants in the locker room where penis’ went flapping around before him because at that age boys hadn’t quite learned the meaning of modesty and would often have playful sword fights and snap towels at one another’s backsides and Harry would watch it all but never partake because he was never invited, he was never really invited to do anything really.

He was an antisocial kid, but not by choice. The other kids just never liked him, at first it was jealousy because of who his father was, the fact that he was rich they assumed he was a spoiled brat, which maybe he was but it’s not like he knew any better.

Then there was the hateful words they’d spit at him calling his mother a whore for running off with the landscaper but he hadn’t really minded that too much because his father had since poisoned his mind against the woman he’d once called mother by that point so he would’ve joined them in their teasing even possibly supplied them with any intimate details to the rumors they were missing but they never gave him the chance.

He listened to weird music they had said yanking his headphones out to hear “Blue suede shoes” by Elvis Presley because what 10 year old listened to _that_?  

He had the features of a girl they’d crowed, laughing loudly in his face, tugging on his too long curls, rubbing dirt into the smooth creamy skin of his cheeks and punching him in the mouth, busting it and causing a trail of blood to drip down his too naturally pink lips, thus making tears fall from his crystalline green eyes—the bigger drops getting caught in his movie star eyelashes.

It wasn’t until high school when he found something other than music to get lost in. Soccer, as a freshman he had made his high school team and for once in his life made his father proud—he even attended a few of Harry’s earlier games until Caroline all but consumed him and he once again didn’t have time for Harry, bitterly Harry finally took Maz up on his offer of pills that would make him forget all the shit life’s dealt him and naturally his game performance had suffered to the point of coach pulling him aside and giving him a stern talking to through which Harry had giggled almost manically, forcing his coach to subject him to an immediate drug test. When he tested positive Harry wasn’t surprised he also wasn’t surprised to catch his team mates offering up high fives to Maz for successfully ridding them of the social misfit.

When Harry is kicked off the team and his father is notified of his drug use Harry expected to be punished, would’ve relished a good grounding, to be yelled at, have his allowance taken away and a few of his electronic privileges revoked—maybe even a spanking was he too old for that? Anything would’ve been preferred over the disappointed head shake he got from his father before he went back to pretty much ignoring Harry’s existence on earth.

XXX

After Des and Caroline were married and thus their relationship was out in the public Des didn’t think it prudent that Caroline continue to work for the firm and so she resigned from her position and became a full time house wife instead, but with the house already being fully staffed that didn’t exactly leave much for her to do other than sit out by the pool drinking cocktails entirely too early on in the day and shopping for ridiculously useless things online just because she _could_.

With Des still spending most of his day at the office this often left Harry and Caroline alone in the big hollow house they lived in. At first Harry ignored her sure she was attractive—a woman his friends, had he had any might refer to as a _milf_ but Harry really didn’t pay too much attention until she started lounging around in considerably less clothing, forcing him to join her for meals and movie nights.

There was one night in particular where she discreetly laid her silky legs into his lap on the sofa they shared, her eyes still glued to the TV but now there was a small knowing smile curving the side of her mouth, when he gulped and cautiously ran a shaky hand up her ankle and calf to rest high on her thigh, his eyes also never leaving the TV.

They stayed frozen like that for a few beats before Caroline yawned, stretching her arms up above her head causing the loose fitting college sweatshirt she wore to rise even higher to her hip revealing her gray boy shorts and she not-so-discreetly allowed her legs to spread wide, giving Harry a clear view between them. Harry’s breath hitched in his throat as he turned to her and now meeting her hooded eyes, taking in the lip she held seductively between her teeth.

Without a word he climbed to his knees and crawled in between her legs not really knowing what he was doing when he took her bottom lip between his own. But as it turned out, she didn’t mind his inexperience; in fact she took great pleasure in teaching him exactly how she liked things.

And so began their 6 month affair until one night Des came home unexpectedly forced to leave the office by his law partners who’d noticed that he’d been burning the candle at both ends for far too long and not only sent him home but told him to take some vacation time with his new young bride. So with a reluctant laugh Des had agreed, even stopping at the local floral shop on a whim and picking out an assorted bouquet of  bright flowers for Caroline and the latest issue of _Rolling Stone_ for Harry because he may not have known much about his son, but he was aware of his son’s affinity to music.

The house was eerily quiet as he entered, but it wasn’t a surprise, it was actually the norm if he were being honest with himself so after dropping his keys and briefcase at the door he took the stairs two at a time stopping at the door of Harry’s bedroom first since it was closest to the staircase. Knocking twice, he opened it without waiting for a response knowing his son was notorious for wearing headphones even when in the privacy of his own room. His eyebrows knot up on his forehead when he is faced with an empty room, now this was a little out of the ordinary because as far he knew his son didn’t exactly have friends but he guessed Harry could’ve gone out on his own somewhere so tossing the magazine onto his neatly made bed he exited the room, closing the door behind him.

Venturing on to his own bedroom he paused at the odd thumping sound that could be heard as he neared the door, a steady noise that resembled the sound of the bass turned all the way up of a song being played entirely too loud. Des rolled his eyes at his young wife and her childish antics.

When Des opened the door he didn’t know what he expected to find. Caroline dancing around the bedroom in her underwear to her favorite song like a teenage girl, maybe a little redecorating something the blonde had been doing a lot of as of late. But he definitely did not expect to find his young bride to be naked in their bed, riding the dick of another man.

“What the fuck is going on here?” He roared, rather unnecessarily as it was more than obvious what was going on, but wanting to make his presence known. Caroline shrieked, gathering the covers up around her to cover her body, still shielding the identity of the man beneath her.

“Des, Honey what are you doing home?” She had the nerve to ask, still a little breathless, at the same time the person whose dick was no doubt still lodge inside his wife whispered:

“Don’t fucking _move_.”

“Does that matter? You fucking filthy tramp!” Des found himself spewing out and throwing the bouquet at her. The petals flew everywhere lading artfully around the bed. Caroline flinched, tears already cascading down her cheeks and the older man didn’t know if they were because she was ashamed, scared of losing him, or because she’d been caught.

Despite what the mystery man under her had said Caroline twisted her body just that much further so that she could see Des better plead with him to understand, to sympathize with her being 30 and in her sexual prime and left in this big, cold house all alone.

Des wasn’t listening though because with her slight movement two things occurred. One Des was finally able to meet the eyes of the man who’d fucked his wife and two Harry cried out in orgasm, making awkward eye contact with his father as he did so.

XXX

Harry’s bags were packed and loaded into the car by the following weekend as Des drove him to up to _Mount Serenity_ a troubled youth rehabilitation center recommended to him by Harry’s coach all those months ago, if Harry’s recent drug use hadn’t been enough incentive to check his son in, finding out that the boy had been fucking his wife repeatedly for 6 months did it.

Despite his insistence that he and Caroline were in love and had even made plans to run away together once Harry turned 18, Des chose to instead believe his lovely wife who bawled at his feet claiming that it was all Harry’s fault that the 16, almost 17 year old had prayed on her vulnerability, knowing that she was lonely he seduced her and wouldn’t take no for an answer had even threatened that he would tell Des she raped him if she didn’t sleep with him so she had for fear of going to jail.

After hearing this Harry felt his heart tear right from his chest and he’d never felt more lost and alone in his life as he yanked his headphones over his ears and blasted the Temper Trap’s “Sweet Disposition”— _their song_ on repeat, cheek plastered to the glass of the passenger side window, his tears mixing with the rain already tracking their ways down it.


	2. Chapter 2

As the Range Rover pulled onto the property Harry saw the _Mount Serenity_ sign and sighed, still not believing that this was really happening. That the first time in his 16 years of life that his father acts the least bit paternal towards him and it’s to ship him off to a teenage rehab center up in the sticks of Kent.

His father wordlessly pulled up to the main building and all but jumped from the SUV, popping the trunk as he did so. Harry bit his lip, watching as a group of 5 men exited the glass doors of the building heading straight for their car. He contemplated locking the doors and refusing to leave the safety of the SUV, throwing a proper fit and making a lasting impression on these people. But in the end he rolled his eyes and faced his fate head on, climbing out of the Rover he crossed his arms over his chest leaning up against the now closed passenger side door. 

He took this time to size the men up. Eying the oldest looking man dressed in simple jeans and a tight muscle t-shirt that had Harry raising an eyebrow awkwardly but from the paperwork he held as well as the air of authority that followed him Harry figured he was the one in charge. Which then brought his attention to the impossibly tall lanky man with the ridiculous quiff and a name tag sticker that read: Nick, he and this tiny ginger in an oversized hoodie, Ed his name tag had read, rounded the car to the trunk taking his bags and things from his dad and carrying them off in the direction of a cluster of large cabins that Harry could only assume would be his living quarters. 

“Mind not just standing there like a pair of twats?” Nick called over his shoulder at the remaining two boys not even bothering to censor his language at Des’ presence, the elder man: _Simon Cowell’s_ lips pressed into a thin white line and he looked as if he were going to let Nick know just what he thought of his colorful choice in words but decided against it in favor of greeting Harry’s father with a firm handshake.

“Hello, you must be Mr. Styles…” Harry tuned them out in favor of watching the taller of the two boys _Leeyum_ …what an odd name…scramble to grab the last remaining bags and all but run after the others.

The final boy, _Boo!_ his nametag unhelpfully read, simply stood there watching him with sparkling mischievous eyes from underneath his neat fringe. Harry who had never really been good in social situations to begin with didn’t bother to speak, something about being brought there against his will, having squashed any inklings he may have had to make anyone’s acquaintance.  Apparently _Boo!_ hadn’t gotten the memo.

“Fan of the Ramones then? I approve.” May have been the last thing he expected to come out of the other boy’s mouth but Harry just nodded, confused. _Boo!_ smirked, pointing to Harry’s chest. The curly topped boy glanced down and nearly blushed when he saw what shirt he’d decided to wear that day.

“Yeah well Blitzkrieg Bop has pretty much defined a generation so...” He wasn’t expecting Boo!’s eye roll either.

“Yeah and you’re definitely a part of that generation what are you all off 15?”

“16, almost 17 actually.” Harry found himself standing up straight so that he stood his full height which he was pleased to find was already a few inches taller than the other boy, raising his chin haughtily. He didn’t know why he was letting this pixie-like boy rattle him. Boo! just gave him another eye roll, shaking his head.

“So, what are you in for curls?” Harry didn’t know how he felt about the unwarranted nickname but he’d never actually been given a nickname before and if he was being completely honest he liked the idea of Boo! maybe wanting to be friends with him.

“Something that is definitely none of your fucking business, I’m sure.” He spat snootily.

“Oh come on now love, you show me yours, I’ll show you mine.” Boo! whined, not to be daunted by the curly haired boy’s coldness.

“Here I’ll even go first.” Harry’s eyebrows knitted up in confusion at this, but before he could open his mouth to retort the shorter boy was bent over at the waist miming sticking two fingers down his throat and puking. All Harry could offer in response was a shocked:

“Oh.” But Boo! just shrugged undeterred he moved closer and actually bumped hips with Harry.

“Now come on, out with it curls inquiring minds want to know.”

“Look, I didn’t ask you to share; besides I don’t even know your name.”  It was Boo!’s turn to look confused as he peeked down at his name tag.

“What…oh for fucks sake.” Harry could be mistaken but he thought he heard the other boy mutter ‘fucking Liam’ and oh, oh Lee-yum!

“Well my name’s Louis at your service.” The smaller boy did a little tap dance, ending in a bow that Harry couldn’t help but chuckle at.

It figured the only person on the planet interested in being his friend would be completely off his rocker. But Harry figured beggars couldn’t be choosers and making sure neither Simon or his father were looking their way he too mimed popping pills, going so far as to wobble slightly on his feet as if dazed out of his brain for the full effect. Louis hummed and without warning he reached out and pinched one of Harry’s nipples between his fingers, giving it a vicious twist. Harry yelped, slapping the offending hand away because the fuck and rubbing his poor nipple much to the other boy’s amusement.

“So hey, we should be mates yeah?” And for whatever reason, Harry found himself grinning, still rubbing his nipple and nodded.

XXX

An hour later found Harry and Des saying their final farewells.

“Look Harry despite what you may think I’m actually doing this for you, maybe you’ll fare better with kids more like you.”

"More like me?"

“Troubled youths.” He offered, waving the _Mount Serenity_ pamphlet he still held around. Harry rolled his eyes and refused to reciprocate when his father pulled him into a quick awkward hug, their first ever. He couldn’t however stop himself from breathing in his father’s aftershave and reveling in the feel of finally being embraced by his father. The hug was over entirely too fast but Harry knew he would hold this moment in his memory forever. Des clapped him on the back, whispering ‘goodbye son’ and if Harry’s voice was a little choked when he whispered back ‘bye dad’ neither of them mentioned it.

As he watched the taillights of the Range Rover disappear behind the property’s gates Harry felt his bottom lip begin to wobble and hated himself for it. But before a single tear could fall, Harry felt a heavy arm drape itself across his shoulders as Louis leaned into him.

“You can cry if ya feel like, I just about bawled my eyes out when my mum and sisters pulled off. I’ll just mindfully look away into the distance at the lovely setting sun over there.” Despite his impending tears and still tight throat Harry found himself laughing, grateful that Louis had been amongst the boys who’d come out to help with his luggage. Speaking of Harry noticed for the first time that the other three had returned and that Simon was nowhere to be found, must’ve gone back into the main building now that his dad had left, Harry reckoned.

“Alright so I figure introductions are in order and since we’ve already done our bit of bonding I think I’m just the lad to make them.” Harry didn’t argue; because he was still so full of emotion he didn’t think he trusted his voice enough speak just yet.

“Harry Styles this is Nick Grimshaw, he works here so you might not want to trust him with any of your secrets” Louis stage-whispered the last bit earning himself a kick in the shin from the freakishly tall man.

“How do you do Ha-rry.” Harry just waved back, liking the way Nick broke his name up into two syllables as he said it.

“And this lovely Ron Weasly looking bloke is our fair Edward… _Sheeran_.” The short orange haired boy just rolled his eyes but offered Harry a smile all the same.

“Not to be confused with that sparkling vampire twit Pattinson, he also works here so befriend him at your own risk.” Louis had barely finished that thought before the remaining boy was shoving him, playfully but hard enough to let him know that he hadn’t appreciated that last remark. Louis just laughed and finally removing his arm from around Harry lunged forward to nearly tackle the other boy to the ground as he attacked his neck with what looked like a love bite.

“Ed! Ed, don’t just stand there, help! Ed get him off of me.” The boy who Harry remembered was called Leeyum or well Liam griped, arms flailing uselessly. The ginger just looked on amused, but otherwise didn’t get involved. When Louis finally let him free, Liam glared at first Louis and then at Ed.

“See if I ever defend your honor again.” Liam huffed straightening the collar of his shirt. The shorter boy pretended to be offended before shrugging with a smile.

“I assure you Li, my honor needed no such saving, and furthermore I didn’t exactly ask you to do any sort of defending of it.” Liam threw two exasperated arms into the air as if to say _I just can’t win with you_ but before he could comment further Louis spoke up:

“Lastly this is our own resident superhero Liam ‘I bring the pain’ Payne.” Liam frowned, obviously disapproving of that nickname before turning to Harry with the biggest most genuine smile, where his eyes nearly got lost in the crinkles. Harry can’t ever remember such a smile being directed at him, in fact he almost had the urge to turn around and see if there was someone standing behind him that, that smile had actually been toward. 

“Hello Harry.” Liam said and before he could prepare himself Liam was moving forward and wrapping him in a much unexpected hug, Harry’s body stiffened and Ed was quick to tap Liam’s shoulder to get him to let go. Liam did so with a confused look toward the older boy.

“Li, you keep forgetting not everyone is comfortable with such physical contact.” Confusion quickly cleared in lieu of now flushed cheeks.

“Oh yeah, sorry there Harry.”

“I’ve taken to calling him curls.” Louis provided, trying to change the subject.

“How original _Boo!,_ however did you come up with that one?” Nick asked, batting innocent eyelashes at him. Louis stuck his tongue out at the taller boy and looped his arm with Harry’s.

“Well I’m off to show curls here to his humble abode.” He said already tugging Harry toward the cabins he’d noticed earlier. He paused after a few steps though and turned back to the others.

“Which would be what room again?” He asked, sheepishly. Liam shook his head laughing, and seriously Harry found himself physically stopping himself from going ‘aww’ at the sight. He really hoped that he would be lucky enough to room with Louis.

“Room _224_.”  Nick offered, tossing Louis Harry’s key with a knowing smirk.  The corners of Louis’ mouth turned down slightly for the briefest of moments before he was nodding and dragging Harry once more.

XXX

 

Much to Harry’s dismay he isn’t rooming with Louis, and when he says as much to Louis, pouting the older boy just tapped his drooping lower lip before tucking it back in.

“Sorry you’re about three months too late for that. They stuck me in with Nialler…I’ll introduce you later… _you_ get the esteemed pleasure of rooming with Malik.” Telling by the sarcasm that dripped from Louis’ voice when he said the word _pleasure_ , coupled with the way his mouth twisted up into a sneer when he said his soon to be roommate’s name Harry could only assume that this Malik dude was not one of Louis’ favorite people which really sucked because how awkward was it going to be hanging out in his room if his best friend didn’t get along with his roommate? But, really Harry was getting way ahead of himself. Because _best friend_? He’d only just mate the guy!

“Malik?” Harry questioned as they turned the corner and straight into a tanned boy of about medium height and built.

“Zayn, actually.” The darker boy grumbled, offering Harry a simple nod in greeting.

“You my new roommate then?” Harry sent a questioning look to Louis who reluctantly nodded lips tight and eyes glaring.

“ _Pleasure_ to meet you, I’m Harry.” Harry said with a private smile, shooting Louis a pointed look. The other boy smirked despite himself. Harry offered his hand for Zayn to shake. The older boy just stared down at the proffered hand and rolled his eyes.

“I’m sure it is.” He sneered, sparing a quick glance at Louis before continuing on down the hall.

“I’ll see ya around Haz.” Was called over the darker boy’s shoulder and for whatever reason a warm feeling filled him at the second nickname given to him in just under an hour.    

Using the key Nick had thrown at him Louis unlocked and opened the door, waiting for Harry to enter first since it was his room before following in after him. The room itself was pretty standard with two twin beds on the opposite ends of the room 2 desks, dressers, and closets situated on their respective sides. They also had their own beside tables with a lamp atop it. Harry sighed and thought it would have to do for at least the next two years, unless he somehow got sent home on good behavior.

Louis walked over to his bed and gave it a testing bounce, watching as Harry shuffled over to one of his bags.

“Are you planning to unpack right now? Because if so I’m going to go, I mean I was going to take you back to mine and introduce you to Niall but we have plenty of time for that if you want to take some time to get settled in.” Harry bit his lip because he really did want to unpack and maybe have some time to himself to take everything in, but then he also thought about how he’s literally spent the last 16 years of his life alone and here for the first time was someone who actually _wanted_ to spend time with him, and he really didn’t want to do anything to risk losing that. Taking Harry’s silence as an answer Louis stood back up, clapping his hands once as he made his way to the door.

“Look we’ll meet back up in a few yeah? I’m on the 3rd floor in room 313, if you want to you know find me when you’re done.” Harry looked forlornly between his bag and Louis and back to his bag, biting his lip.

“I suggest you unpack all your photos first. That’s what I did I pulled out my framed family portraits that mum always made us take around Christmas time and the collage of my grandparents and my sisters…I have _four_ of them all younger and the sweetest little darlings you’ll ever meet. And then there’s my pictures of all my mates from school—Eleanor and my very best mate Stan the man.” Louis stopped to chuckle before finally taking in Harry’s hunched position, noticing that the younger boy had sunk deeper into himself with every word Louis said.

“You alright? It’s just a suggestion; you don’t _have_ to if you don’t want.” Louis backtracked, misreading Harry entirely.

“No, it’s not that Lou honest, it’s a _great_ suggestion really, it’s just I—I mean I _don’t_ …” And that’s when Louis got it, and he absolutely could not have stopped himself if he tried as he conquered the few feet between them and grabbed Harry up into a fierce hug.

“Oh, curls…I’m so sorry.”

“It’s s’ok. Makes it easier to leave everything and everyone behind when you don’t actually have anyone you know? At least they didn’t like take away my music collection or something _then_ I’d be devastated.” He meant it as a joke, even if he wasn’t really kidding, but Louis seemed to see right through him and didn’t laugh just shook his head sadly and squeezed him tighter.

“Well, you’re not going to have that problem around here alright? You’re one of us now and for the most part we take care of our own.” Harry _reallyreally_ wanted to believe him.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry never did end up unpacking, after they stood in the middle of the room, Louis rocking Harry soothingly in his arms a few beats before the shorter boy made a Dr. Phil joke that had Harry almost doubled over in laughter, successfully ending their touching moment.

“You said something before about me meeting your roommate?” Harry said, between giggles. Louis perked up and practically dragged Harry out the door.

“Yessss.”

XXX

Unfortunately when they entered Louis’ room they found it empty and Louis snapped his fingers in disappointment.

“Damn you Malik.” He yelled, shaking his fist at the ceiling. Harry raised an eyebrow.

“He was probably headed here to fetch Niall when we bumped into him in the hall earlier.” Harry nodded in understanding and took a seat on Louis’ bed. Picking up the framed photo that sat on Louis’ nightstand because it was the closest he saw that it was of Louis’ mum and sisters.

“Wow, your family is beautiful.” Louis beamed proudly, moving to sit beside Harry on the bed.

“Thanks, I keep telling mom she should sell some of her eggs while she’s still fertile enough, she’d make a killing!” Harry made a disgusted face and placed the photo back where it belonged, turning to the huge collage on Louis’ wall instead.

“Those your school mates then?” Louis nodded and knelt up on the bed so that he could point each one out lingering on a picture that had been cut into the shape of a heart that was of Louis smiling stood in the middle of a boy and a girl his arm slung around each of them.

That wasn’t what caught his eye though it was how alarmingly thin Louis and the girl were in the photo, even thinner than he was now and that was saying a lot because Louis looked like a stiff wind would blow him all the way to America with enough force.

“Those your best friends?” Louis nodded, tracing their faces fondly.

“Stan and Eleanor... my soul mates.”

“Yeah? She your girlfriend then?”

“Was my girlfriend yes, and he was my _boy_ friend actually.”

“ _Oh.”_ Louis sighed loudly turning to sit on the bed properly.

“I’m gay now, completely and proudly so. I hope that’s not a problem”

“Definitely not.” Harry didn’t elaborate and for whatever reason he didn’t think he needed to.

“So what happened with Eleanor?”

“She uh, passed away almost a year ago…heart attack at just 17.”

“Lou, I’m so…” The older boy just shook him off.

“It’s the past, we started throwing up together it’s how we met. We were 14 and at our first house party, first co-ed party but there wasn’t like any alcohol or anything just punch and snacks and silly party games where the main goal was to get two people kissing so we could ooh and aww and turn the unfortunate couple ten shades of red. I’d stumbled into the bathroom after one too many cups of punch and Eleanor hadn’t remembered to latch the door so I walked in on her hunched over the toilet, throwing up the half a sandwich and handful of cheese doodles her friend Hannah had forced her to eat. At first I was concerned even asked her if she was alright like a dolt, but she just chuckled wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and nodded. Told me she was ‘great now that she didn’t have that poison in her’.

When I asked what poison concerned for myself now…had she had the _punch_? But she just laughed at me again and waved down to the toilet still full of her puke and told me ‘the food’ I asked her if it had gone rancid but again she shook her head and took a seat on the lip of the tub so I stood opposite her leaning back against the sink as she explained to me how she liked to be in control and that at 14 that didn’t leave much but what she could control was what went in and came out of her body.

We became great friends after that even though Stan didn’t quite understand why I’d want to be friends with a chit but after a while he conceded and grew to like her too. In all the while I’d known her she was always calling herself fat and although I didn’t see it at first the longer I’d known her the easier it became for me to see just what she was talking about as she pulled at the flab of her thighs and jiggled the under skin of her forearms, slapping at her nonexistent love handles.

I could see it all so clearly now because I saw those same flaws on myself and well she and I were so much alike right from the start. You see I love my mum I do but she’s not always the easiest mother to have she’d made a lot of mistakes in her life and I believe her biggest would have to be getting pregnant with me. I know this because she’s told me countless times when she’s had a few too many to drink.

I’m the reason she’s never realized most of her dreams and had to settle for being a nurse when she’d been well on her way to receiving her PHD before she’d met my father a doctor at the hospital she was doing her first year of residency at. She’d been in love but he was already happily married she was just his piece on the side and wanted nothing to do with her when she told him she was pregnant tried to even have me taken care of.” Louis took a shuddery breath at this and all Harry could do was take his hand in his and squeeze it. Louis smiled gratefully and squeezed back before continuing:

“She didn’t though for whatever reason, and ever since I started school she’d taken the fact out on me she is quite overbearing and always had me strive to be the best so I had perfect grades and excelled in sports I even broke up with Stan when she caught us kissing up in my room during Christmas break from school. Eleanor and I started dating shortly afterward. And although loving her came quite easy because I already loved her—she was my best friend, I never got the tingles when we kissed that I did with Stan.

You could say Eleanor’s death pushed me over the edge instead of making me purge less, striking fear in me that I could go next I doubled my efforts and didn’t even bother to hide the fact. Some would say that, that was my subtle way of crying out for help but in reality I just didn’t care anymore and quite frankly didn’t think anyone else would either, they hadn’t before and maybe a small part of me _wanted_ to follow her.

It was Stan who finally turned me in, went to the school guidance counselor and told her about his suspicions, I was forced to see a physician who confirmed what was pretty obvious just by looking at me. And the guidance counselor; Mrs. Pierce sent a form home for my mum to sign for a mandatory rehabilitation and I was enrolled in dear old _MS_ within the week.”   

Harry just sat there mouth gaping, at a loss for words. Not used to being around people who were so open with their feelings, he couldn’t even imagine telling Louis about his affair with his stepmother let alone if the roles were reversed and he was the one suffering from an eating disorder. He was saved from speaking or more than likely sticking his foot in his mouth by Louis shrugging.

“A side effect of being cooped up in a rehab center you learn early on to ‘talk it out’.” Louis finished with an eye roll.

“Not to mention I’m sort of a walking open book…I mean to me I resemble a float in the Macy’s day parade but apparently to everyone else I’m close to skeletal…need your eyes checked I say, the lot of you…” He wasn’t quite ready to share his story with Louis yet, not even about his drug use or namely what drove him to taking them in the first place and it seemed that Louis could read this in his demeanor which really should be freaking him out a little how effortless their friendship was shaping itself but he wasn’t afraid, relieved for once in his life actually.

The two fell into a comfortable silence as Louis got out his laptop and checked his facebook while Harry went through Louis’ IPod, snorting loudly when he came across more than a few S Club 7 songs. Louis scoffed and dared Harry to deny that he’d thought they were the shit at some point in his lifetime, Harry shook his head relenting but that didn’t mean he missed the pink tinge that suddenly colored the older boy’s cheeks.

That’s the exact position Liam finds them when he comes bursting into Louis’ room as if it were his own.

“Time for din din Lou…oh hello again Harry.” Harry offered him a confused smile to make up for Louis’ absolute scowl.

“But Lee-yum, I’m still full from lunch.” Louis insisted, with a pout.

“I’m sure the three carrot sticks and half a yogurt I forced you to eat has you resorting to your ‘fat’ jeans.” Liam joked rather insensitively but judging by the way Harry could tell Louis was fighting to keep the corners of his mouth from turning up in a smile the blue eyed boy wasn’t offended.

“What’s for dinner tonight anyway?” Louis asked for conversation sake.

“Tacos I believe.” Liam informed them, Harry perked up at the mention of his favorite food.

“How is the food here anyway?” He asked no one in particular. Liam shrugged.

“It’s still high school cafeteria food, so most days it’s pretty _eh_.”

“Their tacos are half decent though…” Louis chimed in slipping his feet back into his Toms. Harry shot him a surprised look before the shorter boy shrugged sheepishly.

“…according to Niall.” He finished, grabbing up his room key and heading out the door.

XXX

After Louis and Liam showed him the ins and outs of the cafeteria, pointing to various things as they waited in line for their food. Such as where the trash and recycling room was or where to dispose of his tray, plate and utensils when he was finished eating, Having run out of things to inform Harry about Louis took a page out of the screenplay for Mean Girls and started pointing out various social cliques sat around the cafeteria.

After loading their plates with food, or well Harry and Liam did Louis had made himself a half ass taco salad from the taco fixings sans meat or cheese so really it was just shredded lettuce with diced tomatoes but Liam didn’t feel like fighting with Louis while on the line and risk getting karate chopped in the throat by one of the hungry grumblers lined up behind them. Instead he made an extra taco to try and get Louis to eat and put it on his own plate.

Louis led them to a table in the midst of everything where two lone figures at, one Harry recognized as Zayn who was saying something to the small blonde kid beside him but of course they were still much too far away for Harry to hear but what he could do was watch the blonde throw his head back and laugh, which  Harry only faintly heard as his hearing grew suddenly muffled and his vision  went tunnel, zeroing in on the blonde angel at the table who had to have been the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen.

Harry wasn’t even sure he was still breathing as they slowly approached the table. He noticed that the boy had two plates piled high with food on his tray, but that he still managed to pick at the food on Zayn’s own plate which was funny because this boy could easily rival Louis in the rail thin department, so where the heck did he put it all?

“Nail File, my love…I feel like I haven’t seen you all day have you been avoiding me?” Louis bellowed before he’d even sat down, dropping his tray uncaringly to the table he leant across the table to ruffle a hand in his blonde hair. The shorter boy glowered, moving his head out of Louis’ reach.

“That’s cause you haven’t _Boo!_ you’ve been too busy with more interesting people I suppose.” He said, looking at Harry from beneath his lashes and really that just wasn’t fair. 

Harry watched as Zayn rolled his eyes, nodding to Liam, Zayn mumbled ‘see ya mate’ before picking up his tray and moving a couple rows down to a table filled with kids dressed similarly to himself: skull caps, leather jacks, holey jeans and the like.  Patting Harry’s shoulder as he moved passed him, it was then that he realized he was still just standing there tray in hand like a ponce while Liam and Louis sat at the table, Liam already half a taco in.

Shaking his head and hopefully the stupor the blonde had temporarily put him in Harry took the empty seat beside Louis and across from Liam (who now occupied Zayn’s vacated seat). Pushing the food around on his plate but not taking a single bite Louis suddenly grinned broadly, elbowing Harry in his side.

“This here is the infamous Nialler.”

“ _Infamous_?” Niall asked, sparing Harry a nod in greeting.

“Well quite frankly I couldn’t shut my gob about you all day.” Niall rolled his eyes, not believing his roommate for a minute.

“Niall Horan this is my shiny brand new mate Harry Styles. Be nice I really like this one.” Quirking an eyebrow Niall met Harry’s eyes full on for the first time and this time there was no doubt that he’d ceased breathing.

“Really now, does that mean he’s off limits because he’s quite pretty Lou and you know how I like pretty things—don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself.”

Harry had just taken a bite of his taco when Niall began speaking and was now choking on it, causing Liam to jump up from his seat, slapping his back in an ineffectual effort to help Harry dislodge the bit of taco shell that had gone down the wrong pipe. Although Harry’s eyes were watering quite a bit he didn’t miss the smug smile that crossed the blonde’s face before he shoveled his own taco in his mouth, almost finishing it off in a single bite.

“Oh no, Niall I don’t like him like _that_ , please do feel free to touch him at his consent.” Louis said offhandedly finally bringing a forkful of salad to his lips.

“But of course.” Niall said, ending with an overly cheesy smile. Liam who had returned to his seat once Harry’s choking had died down to small coughs to clear his throat, shook his head at the exchange.

“Sorry for them Harry but this is pretty standard conversation for the likes of us. How about you tell us something about yourself, like what did you do back home for fun?”

“It’s ok.” Harry assured him, now unable to meet Niall’s eyes as he started to describe his life back home in Holmes Chapel he talked about his favorite bands, playing  soccer and his close friend Mary (neglecting to mention she was his live in nanny) basically trying to come off as much more interesting than he actually was.

“You play football? Are you any good? We have a team here but we’re sort of rubbish.” Liam said with an embarrassed smile, did the boy ever frown Harry wondered idly.

“Mostly cause Zayn refuses to join…he was ace back in Bradford you know.” Niall provided helpfully. Louis snarled at just the mention of the darker boy.

“We certainly do not need _Malik_. What we _need_ is some actual competition we’re just a little rusty is all from the lack of challenge.” No one argued with him after that because they pretty much only ever got to play against the boy’s correctional camp one town over and a nearby private boarding school every so often.

The 3 older boys lapsed into a conversation about the previous weekend—apparently Liam and Niall had each earned a pass into town and had spent it mostly at the candy shop (Niall) and local arcade (Liam) before meeting up for the 4:00 showing of the newest Batman movie. Liam was in the middle of reenacting his favorite part of the film when he suddenly interrupted himself by waving at someone behind them.

Harry turned to see Ed walking off the food line, tray in hand. Liam motioned for the ginger to come join them but much to his disappointment Ed smiled but shook his head, moving toward the staff table instead. Liam looked down at his food, absolutely devastated for all of 3 seconds before he was smiling once more and finished acting out the scene for them.

Harry still hadn’t built up the courage to actually speak to Niall; he was too busy trying to control his breathing. So when everyone stood from the table to dump their trays Harry just followed silently.

XXX

As they took the stairs up to the 2nd floor the four boys split up into twos with Niall and Liam going left to Liam’s room. Harry raised an eyebrow when Louis followed him to the right.

“You’re not going to go with them?” Louis shook his head.

“Naw, it’s Monday they’re probably just going to have another one of their jam sessions…Liam has an electric keyboard and Niall is wicked on the acoustic guitar so they’ll just spend the rest of the night playing and singing Backstreet Boys and Nsync songs until light’s out. Truthfully they don’t sound half bad, but you can only hear ‘I’ll Never Break Your Heart’ with an Irish lilt but so many times before it starts to haunt your dreams.” Harry laughed and figured he’d take Louis’ word for it and instead asked:

“Lights out?”

“Yeah, all lights have to be out by 10pm, I suppose we’re meant to go to bed but most just whip out their flashlights or laptops and carry on.”

“That’s dumb.”

“I know right the point is if you do mean to unpack some tonight you’d better get to it straight away, I’ll join you to add some background noise while you do so unless you think I’d be in the way…” Harry quickly shook his head.

“You won’t be, but what if Zayn’s in?” Louis rolled his eyes.

“Doubtful he’s probably off somewhere snogging with _Perrie_ in the woods.” If it were at all possible Louis spat this Perrie’s name with even more disdain than he does when says Malik.

XXX

“So, Liam…what’s his deal anyway?” Harry asked from his closet where he’d dumped his shoe collection, figuring he’d put them in some kind of order later.

“How do you mean?” Louis said, sprawled out on Harry’s newly made bed. Harry shrugged, now pulling folded shirts from his bag and transferring them into an open drawer.

“He just seems too happy for a place like this; I mean does the dude ever frown?” Louis frowned, and his eyes narrowed slightly, forgetting that Harry was new and therefore didn’t know any better.

“Right, well looks can often be deceiving as _you_ well know Harold. “ He spat at the younger boy. Harry’s eyebrows rose high on his forehead as he scrambled to apologize.

“I’m sorry Lou, I didn’t know I…” Louis sighed and finally relaxed.

“Shit curls, no I am sorry. It’s just _Liam_ you know? I feel quite protective of him, even though he’s older than me and you’d think it’d be Niall who needs protecting because he’s so small and god so fucked up…” He trailed off, clucking his tongue in thought.

“But no it’s Liam. He’s just so good as you said. I mean don’t get me wrong what you see is pretty much what you get with Liam, he’s quite the happy chap, never really frowns. But this hasn’t always been the case, he’s got his own set of demons—we all do here. He’s been here 2 years already, will be graduating in mere months and to be frank he’s probably the closest any of us will ever get to being ‘cured’ because you don’t ever really get cured, you just learn to keep the demons at bay with fancy breathing exercises and some rubbish about counting to 10… he’s definitely regarded by Uncle Simon as _Mount Serenity’s_ poster boy for success. But then every once and a while you’ll see this shadow cross his face and you just know he’s gone back _there_ …”

“Back where?” Harry asked, and is surprised to realize he’d slid so that he sat on the literal edge of his seat.

“Look I’m not going to lie I can be quite the gossip but not when it comes to my friends, sorry if you want to know Liam or Niall’s story’s you’ll just have to ask them.” Harry nodded in understanding and turned back to his bag pulling out another pile of shirts while Louis chewed his lip.

Finally coming to the conclusion that Liam wouldn’t really mind if  he told Harry, maybe he’d just omit a few of the details that Liam could then tell him later if he felt like. Louis cleared his throat to gain Harry’s attention.

“It’s not really my story to tell but…”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter has a pretty detailed suicide attempt, character death as well as the inner thoughts of a depressed teen, if this is upsetting or may trigger certain unpleasant feeling for you please do not read. C
> 
> Otherwise read at your own risk...

“You really don’t have to tell me Lou, you’re right I should just ask Liam myself after we get to know each other a bit more.”

“Ok, but the thing is if I tell you, it’ll be that much easier for you to _get_ him.”

“I don’t know, can’t we just talk about his crush on Ed or something?” Louis drew back, making a surprised noise as he did so.

“So you picked up on that as well? Perceptive little shit aren’t you. Well done. Ed has definitely been instrumental in Liam’s recovery that’s for sure, they’re practically best mates though it has to be mostly on the down-low due to student/staff policies be friendly not familiar or some rot.”

“Are they secretly together then, all Romeo and Juliet like?”

“Uh, Liam _wishes_ and I’m going to leave it at that. Anything else you’re seriously going to have to ask him since I’m already telling you what landed him in here.” Harry nodded without further protest.

XXX

 _Liam fussed with his hair in the mirror for what had to have been the millionth time as he waited for Andy, his older brother to fetch him from his room to leave. He was more than a little excited because he’d just gotten his driver’s permit in the mail and Andy was taking him to his very first house party. Sure it was only as a designated driver seeing as he could drive legally now and didn’t drink—never even touched the stuff; even so this was a_ huge _deal._

_He was a lowly sophomore and this party was being thrown by the seniors, Andy’s friends and he’d probably be the envy of all his classmates come Monday morning in school when he told everyone about it with actual details and maybe even photographic proof._

_“Oi, Asshat please tell me you’re ready.” Andy teased, leaning against the doorjamb with his arms crossed over his chest. Liam turned to his brother, his eyebrows knotted up in confusion._

_“Of course, don’t I look it?” He asked, gesturing down to his outfit. The taller boy made an incredulous face, shrugging._

_“Well excuse me for not knowing the difference between your school plaid shirts and your party plaid shirts…remind me to take you shopping for a little more variety on your next birthday.” Liam frowned, flipping Andy the bird._

_“If you’re quite finished, I think we have a party to be fashionably late for.” The older boy couldn’t help but chuckle as he slung an arm around Liam’s shoulder, leading them out of the room._

_“That we do bruh, that we do.” He joked, ruffling his kid brother’s hair playfully. Completely ignoring the indignant ‘watch it’._

_XXX_

_To say the party was everything he’d imagined, would be an understatement as the Usher that was blasting out the speaker’s hit them upon entrance. Liam grinned and watched as Andy abandoned him at the door without so much as a clap on the back, beer already in hand as he joined the sweaty mass of bodies twisting around one another on the make shift dance floor._

_Liam realized he was still just standing in the entryway and shuffled to the side torn between watching the spectacle that was his brother popping and locking and heading to the kitchen to see if he could maybe find a can of soda for himself. In the end he chose the latter and barely avoided a collision with 2 guys off the cricket team that already had a few drinks in them. He swerved to the right, knocking into someone else instead._

_“Oof.” He heard right before he turned to see that he now had someone trapped up against the kitchen counter. Doing a double take he can’t help the blush that travels to his ears as he recognizes the curly topped girl with the winning smile that starred in every one of his dreams (the occasional ‘wet’ ones especially)_

_“Danielle, I’m so sorry.” He apologized, biting his lip and trying his best to meet her eyes so that she could read the sincerity there._

_“It’s quite alright Liam, in fact I know exactly how you can make it up to me.” She assured, smiling that smile that gets him through his math class. Even though she is a junior, she’d had to repeat the course because she was complete rubbish in the subject so he actually got to sit beside her for 45 minutes out of the day admiring her profile and the adorable way her forehead would wrinkle whenever she was utterly lost and turned to him for help._

_“Yeah?” He finally asked, shaking from his reverie and hopefully the dopey smile he no doubt had had on his face thinking about her._

_“If you’d just move back a bit to let me away from here.” And that’s when he saw that he still had her pressed up against the counter, the edge now digging uncomfortably into the small of her back._

_“Oh shite, I fail so hard at life…I’ll just.” He finally stood back putting more than a little space between them. Rubbing her back slightly she still managed to shoot him a grin._

_“It’s honestly ok Li. No permanent damage done.” Then as if just remembering something her hand shot out to shove Liam’s shoulder playfully._

_“So hey, I don’t usually see you at parties.” Liam shrugged sheepishly, shoulder still tingling where she’d_ touched _him._

 _“Oh, well this is the first one I’ve been invited to.” He mentally cringed immediately after admitting that little fact to her. Thinking that he should just open his own consulting office Liam Payne:_ I’ll help you sweet talk the ladies. _Not._

 _“Is that so, well then come come I’ll make you a proper drink to commemorate the occasion.”Liam isn’t too proud to admit he didn’t know what commemorate meant, let alone how to spell it but this was_ Danielle _his crush since_ forever _and she was actually paying attention to him, seemed genuinely happy that he was here and that she could do this for him, make him a drink and really what could one tiny drink do right? He’d just nurse this one drink the entire night and be fine to drive by the time Andy was ready to bail._

_Danielle ended up pouring him a glass of jungle juice that she’d made earlier, the problem was they’d run out of solo cups so all she had to offer him was a glass the size of two solos and still filled it to the top._

_He’s well into his glass when Andy’s good friend Timothy, “call me Labrinth” suggests they play a game of ‘suck and blow’, something Liam’s never even heard of before but it sounds naughty and the jungle juice Dani poured has already gone straight to his head so he just smiles and nods enthusiastically with everyone else._

_After hearing the rules of the game Liam figures with the size of the circle they’re in that the card will only get passed around one full turn before people grow bored and start wandering off or the game ends entirely._

_He’s stood between Dani and this fit bloke called Marcus when the card is passed to him via Marcus he almost bollocks it up by giggling and almost dropping the card but he manages to keep his suction, turning to the awaiting Danielle he’s mere inches from her mouth and home free when Andy makes a sudden crack about not popping a stiffy causing Liam to squawk in embarrassment and drop the card. Andy grinned rather smugly at his brother and mouthed the words ‘you’re welcome’ as Liam stares first at the fallen king of spades than up to Danielle’s beaming face and back again._

_There’s absolutely no way he’s going to be able to kiss_ her _, so he waits for her to make a move and it’s not long before Danielle is moving toward him and placing a warm hand on his cheek to turn his face to hers, connecting their lips and it’s so perfect Liam wants to cry and mentally prays he’s not drooling too badly into her mouth. The kiss is over entirely too quickly when the rest of the circle starts hooting and cat calling making Liam’s entire face burn and he can’t help but smile at the blush on Danielle’s own cheeks._

_Later that night Liam is on cloud nine as he sits making out with Danielle on a couch in one of the darker corners of the room when Andy all but trips on his own two feet, landing across both the kissing teens’ laps._

_“Oi, you little trollop! Party’s breaking up, so best say your fare-thee-wells to thy fair maiden so we can get out of here before we’re roped into cleanup duty tomorrow morning.” Danielle whips her head around to glare at Andy for the offense but simply laughs when she realizes he’d been referring to his brother._

_Liam pops up from the couch entirely too quickly, spilling the very last sip of his drink which he’d foolishly set down at his feet so as not to spill it on Dani during their kissing. His reflexes are slow and completely fucked at this point so he doesn’t even bother trying to right the glass…it’s someone else’s problem, so he simply lets it happen when a giggle fit strikes him instead, which Danielle is joining seconds later. Andy squints his eyes at his baby brother, lips pursed as something becomes frightening clear to him._

_“Li, have you…” Andy made a show of leaning over and sniffing at the air around his brother._

_“Have you been drinking?”_

_“Uh, yeah but just the one drink, Simba I promise.” Andy chose to ignore the use of Liam’s private nickname for him._

_“You little shit, you were supposed to drive us home, do you even know what a bloody designated driver is?”_

_“Yes, course but it was only one drink…promise!” Liam insisted, his words now slurring together really bad and he’s just about on the verge of tears. Andy shook his head._

_“Oh yeah, what’d you have then?” Andy asked, rubbing a hand over his face roughly, maybe it wouldn’t be too bad depending on what it was Dani made for him._

_“It was just punch wasn’t it?” He asked, turning to Danielle for confirmation, she sat chewing her lips nervously but managed a small nod._

_“For god sakes Liam do you mean jungle juice? That shit’s got like 7 different types of liquor in it and if that glass was full to the rim at one point coupled with the fact that this is your first time ever drinking we’re right buggered.” Andy said, hands gesturing wildly down to the tipped over glass._

_“No, Andy I’m fine really if I could just have me some water then…” Liam headed for the kitchen and nearly ran into a wall instead._

_“I should’ve known something was off during ‘suck and blow’ when you were all over this little minx, it was so out of character but I just chocked it up to it being a_ game _, not thinking you had fucking_ liquid courage _flowing through your bloody veins.”_

_“Look Andy this is all my fault maybe you can just stay the night and I’ll make sure you get out of here before anyone else so you can still leave early enough not to have to pitch in the cleaning.” Dani said, still mostly sprawled on the couch._

_“No, Auntie D don’t sweat it, he knew he wasn’t supposed to be drinking and I’ve got to have him home before midnight or else our mum will slay me.”_

_“Even like that?” She questioned, nodding at Liam who was completely fascinated with waving his own hand in front of his face._

_“Yeah, she won’t mind him being completely pissed. She’s just happy to see him get out the house for once instead of sitting up in his room on his laptop. If Liam had been in his right mind he surly would’ve bopped Andy over the head with something heavy for making sure Danielle knew just how big of a loser he was, if she hadn’t already. Growling Andy stood from the couch himself and swaying slightly moved to gather Liam and ushered him out the door with a wave to Danielle without bothering to turn around._

_Stumbling their way to Karen Payne’s station wagon Andy all but shoved Liam into the passenger side, making sure to buckle the shaggy haired boy in before wobbling over to the driver’s side. Ducking down into the car he slammed the car door on his own seatbelt without realizing it. Cursing he slapped himself in the face a few times in hopes of sobering up even the slightest bit, but that was definitely wishful thinking on his part. Sighing he dug the car key out of his jeans and started the car up._

_XXX_

_Of course it was raining, when was it not? Andy thought as he squinted, trying to see beyond the windshield with every pass of the wiper he snorted at hearing a loud snore come from his brother, already passed out beside him. He smiled despite himself, thinking about how happy Liam had been all night practically plastered to Danielle’s side and the fact that she genuinely seemed to like his baby brother back. He was happy for him, even a little proud that he was able to hold his own at a senior party._

_Andy took his eyes off the road for barely a second to flick Liam in the nose causing the younger boy to jolt awake eyes wide and bleary as he looked around him trying to suss out where he was and what he was doing there when his eyes widened even more as he pointed to the windshield in a silent scream. Andy turned back to the road just in time to see that they’d drifted over the line and were headed straight for a semi truck._

_XXX_

_“L—Li—Li—Liam—Liam can you hear me darling?” Liam’s eyes struggled to open at the muffled sound of his mum’s voice but she sounded so far away and his eyelids felt as though they were weighed down by Achme anvils._

_“Mrs. Payne, please.”An unfamiliar voice spoke up, interrupting Karen’s mantra of Liam’s name. The hand that had held his, rubbing soothing circles into his palm vanished and his sinuses were suddenly assaulted with this strong acrid odor. Coughing slightly his eyes flew open now beginning to water slightly as he choked on the pungent aroma of the smelling salts the doctor was waving under his nostrils._

_His mum gasped, as a wet_ ‘thank you Jesus’ _fell from her lips in relief. She tried to muster a smile for him but he could see the red rimming her tired eyes. Clearing his throat he accepted the glass of water a nurse tipped toward his lips gratefully, reaching for his mother with the hand not in a sling._

_“Mum…” He whispered, throat still so very raw as if he’d over exhausted it somehow._

_“I’m here love, right here.” Karen assured him, coming back to his side and taking his hand in hers once more. Dr. Ford sighed but didn’t ask her to move a second time just went about checking Liam’s vitals around her._

_“Why am I here?” He croaked out to anyone who could provide an answer though he was looking at his mother._

_“You don’t—you don’t remember?” Karen asked, bottom lip beginning to tremble slightly._

_“No? I…” She looked to the doctor for help which caused a worry to start to bubble in the pit of his stomach, what weren’t they telling him? The doctor nodded to her before facing Liam once more with a smile._

_“Hello Liam, my name is Dr. Ford and you’ve been in our care for the last three days. Can you tell me what the last thing you remember is?”_

_“Um…” Liam tried to think of the last thing he remembered doing before waking up in this hospital bed, but all he kept coming back to was soft red painted lips and sparkling brown eyes as he finally got the chance to kiss Danielle Peazer his crush of two years. He couldn’t help but smile at the memory but there was no way he was telling them that, besides he didn’t think that was quite the information they were digging for. Thinking further he remembered the party as a whole, drinking jungle juice and Andy getting pissed at him because he was too drunk to be his dd and…_

_Liam sat up straighter in the bed, as he once again felt the thud of impact as the semi tried and failed to hit them, heard the smash of the windshield shattering. He remembered keeping steady eye contact with Andy as his brother flew halfway through the windshield, somehow managing to twist his body just enough to meet Liam’s terrified eyes, there was so much blood 80% of which was Andy’s but the blonde couldn’t feel anything to be perfectly honest the last thing he remembered was screamingandscreamingandscreaming as Liam struggled to get out of his seatbelt before everything went black._

_“Andy!Andy!Andy!And—” Without realizing Liam was screaming again,  his already shot throat straining to get the single word out, his brother’s name. He remembered._

_“Mum, Andy is he…” Karen squeezed her youngest child’s hand tight as she met his anguished face._

_“Sweetheart…” That’s as far as she got before she had her face buried in her hands, shaking her head._

_XXX_

_Andy’s funeral was just two days later. Liam was permitted to attend but did so from the seat of a wheelchair due to his concussion, he was still quite prone to dizzy spells. His eyes were bloodshot from non-stop crying as he was wheeled to the front of the gravesite, it seemed liked all of Wolverhampton had shown up to show their final respects to the former football star, certainly all of their high school had skipped to be there Liam noticed as he scanned the crowd quickly, recognizing several faces._

_He paused when he spied Danielle amongst them, small and fragile looking in the arms of Andy’s semi-good friend Marcus. Their eyes met and she offers him a sad smile which he frowned at, turning away to glare down at the ground. He didn’t blame her of course even if it had been her who gave him that drink that night but in her defense she hadn’t known he was acting as designated driver that night, he was the one who took the drink so as not to seem rude, and ok trying to impress her a little too._

_He doesn’t look up from the patch of grass he’s staring at until they begin lowering Andy’s casket into the ground and even then it’s only to toss the Woody and Buzz dolls he’d brought on his lap into the grave before finally succumbing to the sobs he’d kept trapped in his throat._

_XXX_

_When he is finally released from the hospital it is highly recommended that he seek counseling to deal with the grief he’s no doubt stricken with under these circumstances. But the truth of the matter is their family can’t really afford counseling after the funeral and casket expenses,  besides Karen would like to think she made it more than clear to all three of her remaining children that they were welcome to come to her to talk things out, that they were all hurting and it could be good for them as a family._

_Liam doesn’t take her up on the offer of course._

_On the surface he’s actually rather poker faced about the entire ordeal; jumping right back into going to school, bagging groceries at the supermarket, and holing himself up in his room for most of the day. emerging only for family meals and to use the loo._

_In reality he withdraws from the world isolating himself from the few friends he’d had before the accident and his grades have plummeted drastically. Even his physical appearance has suffered gone are his cheerfully bright plaid shirts and skinny jeans, now he practically lived in the same pair of baggy sweats and oversized hoodie, his entire being has become a shadow of his former self because he doesn’t understand why he is still here and Andy is gone, how he’s not been thrown in jail for murdering his brother._

_Alarming bells should’ve gone off for his parents when he came down one morning for breakfast sporting a newly shorn buzz cut, ridding himself of the long shaggy waves he’d always been partial too, the same hair that people told him had always made him look like a spitting image of his older brother. But instead his mum just smiles and tells him it’s different, makes him look so much older and places a short stack of pancakes down in front of him, which he’ll only end up throwing out after he pokes at them with his fork a couple of times._

_It was on one of these trips to the loo though (when wallowing around in his own funk had finally become too much even for him) that everything came to ahead._

_Stepping out of the shower of the girl’s bathroom (he’d taken to using theirs because he wasn’t quite ready to resume using space that he and Andy had shared) after grabbing his towel off the rack he wrapped it around his waist and stepped out of the tub, heading for the door, not even bothering to dry off properly. He made the mistake of glancing in the mirror as he passed it and stops dead in his tracks. Staring blankly at the haunted reflection he finds there, unable to even recognize the boy looking back at him._

_Deep sunken and permanently bloodshot eyes, with bags enough for a family of 4 underneath because he never slept anymore just cried and surfed the internet, played the occasional role playing game until it was time for school. His eyes traveled down to disturbingly sharp cheekbones on his once chubby cheeked face, his complexion now completely ashen._

_Squinting his eyes Liam realized that was no 16 year old boy he saw, but a ghost, a shell just going through the motions, existing rather than living. It’s with this thought replaying in his mind that he spies it, one of his sisters’ razors on the lip of the sink…_

_XXX_

_Despite his overwhelming grief Liam has never contemplated suicide or self harm before in his life so it’s not like he ever really knew the correct way to slit one’s wrists, maybe if it hadn’t been such a spur of the moment act he could’ve googled how to do it properly._

_As it was the razor seemed to sing to him, words curling around his ears, words like: ‘do it’, ‘better off’, ‘should’ve been you’, and the most paralyzing: ‘murderer’ biting his lip he gripped the razor in his right hand staring down at it as if it honestly held all the answers._

_Without thinking he raised his hand high over his head and in one swift motion slammed it down on the sink smashing the pink plastic of the razor and caused the three blades to go flying. One actually landed in the sink while the others flew to the cold tiled floor, figuring the one in the sink would do fine, he didn’t bother to pick the fallen ones up. Gripping the blade between the thumb and forefinger of his left hand Liam gulped and pressed it lightly to the skin of his right wrist, barely any pressure._

_Chancing one last look at the mirror he almost screamed when instead of seeing his own zombie-like form he found Andy dressed in his funeral suit, dirt in his hair and half his face already decaying. Liam opened his mouth to speak but no words would come out as mirror! Andy simply nodded, letting Liam know this was the right thing to do, that it_ had _to be done._

_With a look of determination Liam sliced the blade deep across his wrist, blood already beginning to gush, but oddly he felt no pain only sweetsweet relief so without hesitation he switched the slippery blade, slippery with his blood to the other hand and did the same to that wrist. He continued doing this, making slices up his arms, growing weaker and more light-headed with each cut until he reached his elbows, knowing that was where his main veins were, knowing that this could really be the end, an end to this suffering. He’d finally be where he belonged._

_He pressed the blade to his right elbow, almost losing his grip it was so slippery…_

_“Liam you dolt are you_ still _in the…” Ruth complained while simultaneously opening the bathroom door. Her eyes widen at the sight of Liam and all at once she let out the loudest longest scream she could muster as she rushed forward and slapped the razor blade from his hand before gathering him to her. He collapsed in her arms, passing out immediately._

_Karen and Geoff were in the bathroom doorway within seconds with twin looks of fear on their faces. Karen let out a similar cry, crowding into the tiny space of the bathroom to stroke her son while Mr. Payne dialed 911._

_XXX_

_Dr. Ford shook his head sympathetically as they wheeled Liam into the hospital._

_“I was afraid this would happen.” He whispered, and turned to address the Paynes._

_“Oh, doctor. I’m so sorry we didn’t listen to you about getting him counseling but we just couldn’t afford it at the time, and Liam’s been lying to us about speaking to the one at his school…” Dr. Ford let out a deep woeful sigh and pulled out a pamphlet from behind his back._

_“Yes well there are other options, I didn’t want to bring them up before because I thought the best place for him at a time like this would be with his family but there’s this wonderful high school/rehabilitation center up in Kent called Mount Serenity. They provide free counseling, in fact its part of the curriculum there and he’d be around other teens with similar plights.”_

_“You think he needs rehab?” Karen gasped._

_“Not rehab necessarily Mrs. Payne. But I do feel he would benefit from a facility that mandates counseling both individual and group and it would get him out of your family home which I now realize must’ve been quite hard on Liam to be surrounded with constant reminders of his late brother.”_

_Karen’s bottom lip trembled as she turned to her husband for help. Closing his eyes obviously just as distraught, torn between wanting his son home with them, wanting to be there for him, wanting their love for him to be enough…and knowing what he needed, what was best for him. So with a heavy heart he met his wife’s eyes and nodded. Karen let out a hiccupping cry and hid her face in the tissue that Dr. Ford had held out to her._

_XXX_

_Liam hasn’t set foot in his home in two years, immediately after his release from the hospital he was driven up to Mount Serenity. He knew the plan of course Dr. Ford had broken the news to him two days before his release as he was watching an old episode of ‘Ren & Stimpy’ spoon of jell-o halfway to his mouth._

_“You’re sending me to rehab?” Liam said, jaw on the floor, as his eyes moved from the doctor to his parents and back again._

_“We, your parents and I think it would be best for you to get away for a while, adopt a change of scenery and most importantly seek counseling to deal with these feelings you’ve been harboring over the death of your brother, feelings that would cause you to turn to suicide as your only option, because Liam it isn’t. Suicide is never the answer.” Liam frowned, now glaring at the jell-o cup on his tray as if it were at fault._

_“So you’re getting rid of me then?” He spat at his parents but refused to meet their eyes, refused to let them see the unshed tears that threatened to fall._

_“No, Liam. Absolutely not! This is for you. Getting you out of the house, out of that school, you’ll be able to make friends with other teens who truly understand not think that they do…” Karen tried to reason, begging him to understand. Liam simply scoffed he couldn’t make friends when he wasn’t a suicidal nutcase, he doubted anyone would want to be friends with him now._

_“…it’s not forever either. Just remember that you can control when you come home, how soon.” She finished, burying her face in her husband’s shoulder._

_“Yeah alright.” He grumbled, pushing the mostly untouched tray of food away from him. He never usually talked like this to his parents and to be honest he didn’t feel all that great about doing it now but they were shipping him off to the middle of nowhere, to_ rehab _of all places, so he thinks he is more than owed the right._

_XXX_

_He sat between Ruth and Nicola in the back seat of Geoff’s town car and is startled when Nicola reaches over and grips his hand for the latter half of the car ride up to Mount Serenity. They’d never been all that close as far as siblings went but he knew he loved her and when she heard about his suicide attempt while away at Uni she’d dropped everything and came home to see him and when she heard where they were sending him she volunteered to come along for the ride, Liam hadn’t told her but her presence was appreciated more than she’ll ever know._

_As the Mount Serenity sign came into view Liam couldn’t stop the gasp from leaving his lips and Nicola instinctively tightened her hold on his hand. It was almost like when as a kid during family vacation, headed for a theme park and you’re bouncing around the car in anticipation and then you see it the sign for the park and your eyes widen and your heart quickens and you’re almost breathless in your eagerness. Only this time it wasn’t out of joy it was dread, it was a sinking at the pit of his stomach, as a chill of anxiety freezes him and just like when the tallest coaster comes into view Liam saw the angled roof of the main building and squeezed her hand back just as hard._

XXX

“Well, shit.” Harry finds himself saying rather uncouthly. He just never would’ve guessed that happy as a song bird Liam could ever hurt a fly let alone try to off himself.

“Yeah, I know the feeling but as I said he’s way better now, closest thing to cured and all that. He’s roomed with this utter git Jack Harries, who is seriously the biggest slut you’ll ever meet. In fact I dare you to find someone other than me and mine of course who hasn’t had their dick in one or all of his holes…”

“Eh, crude much Lou?” Louis just shrugged any trace that he may regret his choice of wording nowhere to be found. Harry opens his mouth to see if he can maybe get Louis to spill Niall’s story as well when the door to the room suddenly swings open as Zayn enters. He looks up to find Harry and Louis just staring at each other from across the room and frowns before slipping out of his leather jacket and plopping onto his back in bed without a word. Louis clucks his tongue and stands, smoothing out his trousers as he does so.

“Well, I’m off then. Don’t know if you’re a breakfast fan but I sure as hell am, can’t function properly until I’ve had my tea and biscuits , but if you’re interested you can join me and Liam in the caf around 7 or so. Niall won’t be there because he can never be arsed enough to get up that early so I usually sneak him a croissant or sweet bun for him to eat during first period. Either way I’ll probably see you in at least one if not all of your classes, until then goodnight.” He ruffled Harry’s curls a little as he passed him on his way to the door.

“Uh, yeah we’ll see if I can drag myself out of bed in time.” Louis nodded and slipped out into the hall with a short wave.

Turning from the door Harry checked Zayn’s alarm clock and saw that it was 15 minutes till lights out, so figuring he’s unpacked enough for the night he shut his bag and kicked it out of the way just as Zayn stood, grabbing his toiletries bag and a pile of clothes. The darker boy is at the door when he pauses.

“Anyone show you where the showers and shit are yet?” Harry shakes his head, and then realizing Zayn can’t see him clears his throat.

“No.” Zayn nods mutely.

“Well come on then, it’s almost lights out.” Harry quickly finds his own toiletries kit and follows.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: More disorders/reasons why the characters were sent to Mount Serenity are revealed so as always read with caution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this part is a bit disappointing but i am still trying to establish relationships before the actual shipping begins and as far as this part goes i pretty much wanted to take you through Harry's first full day of classes but it got rather long so I only got through the first 3 periods.

“Our room is located in the right wing of the building, which basically just means we live in an even numbered room, therefore we are expected to use the right wing bathroom, though if you really want to go out of your way you wouldn’t be like breaking any rules by using the one in the left wing, it’s just really inconvenient and would make absolutely no sense but by all means…” He trailed off pushing the bathroom door open with his hip and holding it for Harry the toe of his socked feet.

After showing him where the showers, toilets and the like were, Zayn disappeared into one of the stalls to change into his pajamas before joining the younger boy at the sinks to brush his teeth, afterwards Harry waited patiently while Zayn applied a facial mask that he informed him he had to keep on for at least thirty seconds.

While he waited Harry fidgeted in the uncomfortable silence that fell over them, trying to come up with a good enough conversation starter not thinking they were quite close enough to start teasing the older boy about his apparent vanity, but by the time he thought to ask Zayn if he had any siblings Zayn was bent over the sink splashing water onto his face to rid it of the green goop.

Once back in their room Zayn flipped the light switch off before flopping down on his bed once more. Harry does the same across the room, the fatigue of the day finally catching up with him. He shimmied out of his jeans and tore his t-shirt over his head and tossed both to the floor beside his bed. Zayn watched him curiously for a beat before shrugging and digging into his bedside drawer for his flashlight and (to Harry’s shock) a _John Green_ novel.

Harry had meant to turn over and try to fall asleep, after all it had been quite an exhausting day but with the bed being new, lumpy, and not his own—not to mention the strange sounds coming in through the window that sounded suspiciously like crickets and frogs he ended up tossing and turning for almost a full fifteen minutes before Zayn sighed out loud, having grown tired of the rustling of covers and constant squeaking of Harry’s bed springs as he moved around in an futile attempt to get comfortable.

“No use mate, I’m almost positive they purchase these beds purposely to torture us and keep us semi-sleep deprived. And those noises—well you never get used to those bloody crickets.”

“And frogs if I’m not mistaken?” Harry piped up, earning a low chuckle from the other boy.

“Yeah, them too. I’m a right city boy so I’d never even _heard_ of a cricket outside of story books and war movies.” It was Harry’s turn to laugh, until they lapsed into another silence, the sound of Zayn turning the pages of his book the only sound in the room other than Mother Nature’s playlist outside. Harry no closer to sleep, flipped over to face Zayn or well the glow of his flashlight.

“So Zayn, what’s with the beef between you and Louis?”

“Who?” Zayn huffed, giving up on getting anymore reading done tonight. He placed his marvel comics’ bookmark in place and tossed his book and flashlight back into his drawer, closing it with finality.

“Louis, you know the guy you can’t be in the same room as for more than a few minutes?”

“Oh, _Tomlinson_ you mean, the ice queen.” He said as if he genuinely hadn’t known his first name.

“Uh sure? I guess?” Harry couldn’t see it, but he imagined Zayn’s eye roll.

“The hell if I know. Reckon he just thinks he’s too good to talk to the likes of me.”

“I don’t buy that, I know Lou and he’d never…”

“You _think_ you know him, you’ve known each other what eight hours max?” Harry couldn’t really argue with that, didn’t know quite how to explain the instant connection that has taken place between himself and Louis in such a short time, so he tried a different angle:

“But, but you share a lot of the same friends…” Zayn raised an incredulous eyebrow.

“We share like _two_ friends and you’ve met Niall and Liam how can you _not_ get on with those two? Impossible is what it is.” Harry had to admit from just the short time he’d spent with them that it would be difficult not to like them; they had such friendly outlooks and a welcoming air about them that drew you in. The older boy let out a loaded sigh, lying on his back and talking more to the ceiling than to Harry.

“Look all I know is I got dumped here by my folks almost two months ago and lucky me I came during an exciting week because Simon, you know Mr. Cowell, had set up this annual nature hike that took a group of us off the property and up into the mountains for three days.

Needless to say a few kids ended up sneaking some party favors a little ecstasy and a shit ton of booze, it’s actually ridiculously easy to get stuff around here once you make friends with the right people, but yeah I met Tomlinson the first night out there in the woods and I thought we’d got on well enough, but he pretty much ignored me the next day as well as the remainder of the hike (which was cut short when Simon himself made a surprise appearance, busting everyone and firing the three counselors that had turned a blind eye.)

During the days that followed the hike he just frosted up completely, would shoot me these icy glares and when he spoke to me on the odd occasion it was in the coldest tone and it was always to insult me one way or the other.

Me being me, I wasn’t going to just stand for that shit, let him look down on me so I gave up on ever being friends with his uppity ass and got angry right fucking back because who the fuck did he think he was, you know? Things have been that way between us ever since.” Yawning, Zayn turned so his back was to him and Harry figured he was done talking about it. He vowed to get more details out of Louis sometime soon. Turning himself Harry whispered:

“Goodnight Zayn.” Several minutes ticked by and Harry was convinced he wasn’t going to receive a response but finally the other boy grunted ‘night’ in return.

XXX

The next morning Harry’s nose scrunches up as he blinks bleary eyes open before he was ready to be awake. As his vision focuses they land on Zayn’s briefs clad junk practically in his face as the older boy shakes him.

“Get up and dressed Haz, I’ve got to take you to the Registrar so you can fetch your class schedule and other bollocks.” Groaning Harry nodded and moved to do as instructed.

Dressing in record time Zayn led a zombie-like Harry out of their residence hall and into the cabin furthest from theirs. Actually “cabin” was a very loose term Harry soon finds out because just like with the boys dorms the building was only made to _look_ like a cabin from the outside to keep with the woodland theme of the property.

There were five cabins altogether including the main building which housed the faculty offices as well as the gym and recreation center. The cabin closest to it was the Academic building (AB) where they were headed, it had the classrooms, auditorium and cafeteria much like a regular high school. The last two cabins held the girls and live-in faculty dorms (both of which were off limits to them) Zayn helpfully pointed out as they finally reached the AB doors.

Once in the registrar office Zayn nodded to a wooden bench and Harry understood and sat while the older boy went about talking to the lovely lady behind the desk whose nameplate read: _Aimee Phillips_ she greeted Zayn with a smile, gesturing for him to join Harry on the bench while she got all the necessary paperwork sorted out.

Zayn hadn’t been sitting but a second when a girl with bright purple hair stuck her head through the door and pecked the darker boy on the cheek before giggling back into the hall. Zayn shook his head but couldn’t hide his grin.

“She’s pretty.” Harry commented offhandedly.

“Who Perrie?” Zayn asked, unnecessarily because of course he was talking about Perrie.

“Yeah she your girlfriend or?” Harry asked remembering what Louis mentioned last night about Zayn being off somewhere making out with Perrie, at the time he hadn’t been sure whether Perrie was a boy or a girl.

“Naw, close mate maybe, who I snog on occasion but she’s much too fucked up for anything serious…hasn’t been right in the head since giving herself an abortion with a clothes hanger at just thirteen.” The taller boy nearly choked on his own tongue, eyes bugged out in shock.

“Jesus, you just go around telling other people’s war stories mate?” Zayn just shrugged.

“Only if I know for a fact they would have no qualms whatsoever about telling you themselves which is a fascinating number of people around here…everyone likes to get a reaction so they spend 90% of the day trying to one up one another with stories from their fucked up upbringings. Like who has abandonment issues, whose mummy didn’t love them enough, who’s older brother liked to play _doctor_?”

“Did you have one?”

“One what?”

“An older brother…” Zayn actually threw his head back laughing at that.

“Naw, all sisters mate and to be honest I was never home enough for anything like that to happen. A regular stranger in my own home you know?” Harry could definitely identify with that but held his tongue and just nodded in understanding.

“So I hear you’re into drugs then?” Zayn whispered suddenly, startling Harry from his thoughts.

“Uh, yeah sort of?” The taller boy blinked confused eyes at him.

“Oh yeah, what’s your poison? I could probably nudge you in the direction of someone who can hook you up if you get an itch or whatever.” Harry smiled, taking the offer for what it was, a gesture of friendship but in all honesty he didn’t think he wanted to keep up the habit, would rather stay on the straight and narrow and be a Liam Payne type student so he’d have a better chance at going home early.

“Don’t really know like they were small and pink and had the worst after taste…”

“Huh, well I’ve got no idea either. Never been too into drugs myself just weed…if you can even really consider that a _drug_.” Harry opened his mouth to speak when Ms. Phillips called to him suddenly and he stood to approach her desk. She handed him his schedule as well as a list of required texts he was going to have to pick up in the administrator’s office, with one last smile she welcomed him to _Mount Serenity_ and sent him on his way.

Before he could give his schedule the once over it was snatched from his hand as Zayn howled down at it before tossing it back at him. With his face knotted up in confusion Harry glanced down at the schedule and frowned.

Period

| 

Monday

| 

Tuesday

| 

Wednesday

| 

Thursday

| 

Friday  
  
---|---|---|---|---|---  
  
1st 

8:30-9:19

| 

Algebra II

Ms. Ferguson

 

| 

Algebra II

Ms. Ferguson

 

| 

Algebra II

Ms. Ferguson

 

| 

Algebra II

Ms. Ferguson

 

| 

Algebra II

Ms. Ferguson

   
  
2nd

9:26-10:14

| 

Music/Choir

Mr. Murs

| 

Study Hall

Library

| 

Music/Choir

Mr. Murs

| 

Study Hall

Library

| 

Music/Choir

Mr. Murs  
  
3rd

10:21-11:09

| 

Geography

Mr. Walsh

| 

Geography

Mr. Walsh

| 

Geography

Mr. Walsh

| 

Geography

Mr. Walsh

| 

Geography

Mr. Walsh  
  
4th

11:16-12:04

| 

Phys Ed

Mr.Kaneswaran

| 

Phys Ed

Mr.Kaneswaran

| 

Phys Ed

Mr.Kaneswaran

| 

Phys Ed

Mr.Kaneswaran

| 

Phys Ed

Mr.Kaneswaran  
  
     Lunch

12:04-12:44

| 

Cafeteria

Student/Faculty

| 

Cafeteria

Student/Faculty

| 

Cafeteria

Student/Faculty

| 

Cafeteria

Student/Faculty

| 

Cafeteria

Student/Faculty  
  
5th 

12:51-1:39

| 

English Lit

Mr. Cardle

| 

English Lit

Mr. Cardle

| 

English Lit

Mr. Cardle

| 

English Lit

Mr. Cardle

| 

English Lit

Mr. Cardle  
  
6th

1:46-2:34

| 

Biology

Mrs. Cole

| 

Biology

Mrs. Cole

| 

Biology

Mrs. Cole

| 

Biology

Mrs. Cole

| 

Biology

Mrs. Cole  
  
7th 

2:41-3:30

| 

Spanish

Mrs. Minogue

 

| 

Spanish

Mrs. Minogue

 

| 

Spanish

Mrs. Minogue

 

| 

Spanish

Mrs. Minogue

 

| 

Spanish

Mrs. Minogue

   
  
 

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing much, just didn’t peg you for the choir type is all.”

“Oh well I mean I like to sing a bit, but mostly I’m complete rubbish at all the other electives…why what do _you_ take?”

“Art, I fancy the odd doodle and expressing myself with my hands.”

“That’s cool.” Zayn nodded.

“As a heads up though you’ve pretty much ensured that you don’t make any more friends here just sayin’ but come to think of it you kind of already did that when you hooked up with Tomlinson and his lot.”

“How can that even be though, Louis is like awesome.”

“So I’ve heard, but he’s like pretty exclusive, you know? Doesn’t just associate with anyone and everyone like Liam or even Niall does.”

“So I’m like special?” Harry preened.

“Guess you can say that, probably more due to the fact that you also like cock.”

“Hey! I don’t…” Zayn actually had the nerve to roll his eyes.

“Please, a mouth like that was made to wrap itself around the head of a prick.” The brunette sputtered in shock, fixing to glare at the older boy.

“Fuck you dude.” He bristled, ready to walk away from his roommate.

“Come on mate I’m just taking the piss, I don’t rightly care which way you swing it’s cool. Liam’s bi and Niall is very openly a fan of frank and beans…his words not mine.” Zayn finished holding his hands up in surrender.

“Anyway you’ll be happy to know that you have almost all the same classes as your precious _Louis_.”

“Oh yeah which don’t I have with him then?” Harry asked, Zayn’s comments already forgiven.

“Spanish, he studies French.” Harry couldn’t stop his mouth from turning down in a pout.

“Alright, what about you?”

“French also, it got chosen for me because I honestly have no desire to learn either of them I can already read Arabic and speak Urdu, so I was kind of hoping they would count that as my language credit and just slap me with a second period of study hall but no, that wanker Simon was having none of that.”

“Mr. Cowell’s a real arse then?”

“Eh, he’s a bit of alright most days but just like everyone else he has his moments of wankdom.” Harry opened his mouth to comment but at the moment Zayn walked up to a wooden door, gripping the knob and giving it a turn so that they could enter the classroom.

Zayn walked up to Ms. Ferguson speaking to her and pitching his thumb over his shoulder at Harry quite a bit. Harry to his effort stood there awkwardly for a few beats before he looked around the room, noticing that it was already mostly full—there wouldn’t be any tardy students this morning that’s for sure. Spotting Louis in a back corner he locked eyes with the older boy and smiled when Louis began waving his arms frantically at him. Harry blushed slightly but rose a hand up for a quick wave back, Louis finally put his hands down with a satisfied grin.

Harry noticed that Louis sat mostly alone save for this sullen looking kid with a flawless quiff to rival that of Nick’s, he had just scanned the room looking for Liam or Niall when the door to the room suddenly flew open and a tornado of blonde and blue eyes and jumper only half on his body came rushing in, Niall shot the instructor a gleaming smile through a yawn before taking a seat on the opposite side of the room than Louis and immediately rested his head down in his folded arms on the desk.

“Welcome to Algebra II Mr. Styles you may take an empty seat and share textbook with someone when necessary though I don’t think we’ll be working out of the book too much today.” After offering her a hand to shake which she took with a charmed smile that Zayn rolled his eyes at, Harry and Zayn made their way down the aisle.

“Suppose you plan to sit with Tomlinson huh?”

“I was yes, but I can…”

“Naw its cool, I’ll see ya in Geography, maybe we’ll sit together then?” With a clap on the back Harry watched Zayn take a seat near the window between Niall and a fit bloke dressed similarly to Zayn himself. He also spied Perrie sitting in the chair directly in front of him whispering amongst a group of equally beautiful girls.

Sighing Harry moved to turn in the direction of Louis when he froze because at that moment Niall had lifted his head and their eyes meet. The blonde makes a show of checking him out his eyes traveling down his frame and back up again to his eyes and he actually licks his lips looking absolutely famished. Harry gulps and almost made a right tit of himself by just standing there in the middle of the aisle but lucky for him Louis’ booming voice rang out drawing him out of his Niall-induced trance.

“Oi Horan, go long.” The pixie-ish boy bellowed, sending a sausage and egg sandwich clear across the room. Niall caught it with a grin, blowing the older boy a kiss.

“Thanks a heap Lou, you’re a prince.” Louis beamed for all of a second before sitting up straight, catching the stern frown on Ms. Ferguson’s face.

“Mr. Tomlinson, how many times am I going to have to remind you that throwing food is not permitted in my classroom?”

“I’m awfully sorry Ms. Ferguson, won’t happen again I assure you. Cross my heart.” The earnest look he was currently sporting coupled with the fact that he literally took the time to draw a cross over his heart with his index finger had their instructor shaking her head exasperated, but she also reframed from sending him to Cowell’s office for the umpteenth time so he figured his act had done the trick.

“Morning Curly.” He chirped, gifting Harry with a bright smile which Harry returned tenfold.

“Morning Lou.”

“Guess it’s a no for you joining me and Liam for breakfast, should I try and smuggle you some food out the caf as well?”

“No, no I definitely plan on eating breakfast with you guys it’s just I had a bit of trouble falling asleep last night is all.” Louis’ eyes lit up at that.

“Oh yeah did you and Malik stay up into the wee hours trading secrets like a couple of chits?”

“Erm, yes actually…even talked about you a bit.” That wiped the smug look right off Louis’ face.

“Wait, what?” He asked, but Harry just shrugged pulling out a notebook and pen. Louis looked as though he wasn’t going to drop the subject anytime soon but then the boy at Louis’ other side cleared his throat, sliding bored heavily kohled eyes over to him.

“Well Lou, are you going to introduce me to the fresh meat or not? I have to say you were right he has got to be the prettiest transfer since Zayn.”

“Huh, oh right Harry, this is my good friend Aiden, Aiden this is my Harry he just arrived last night.”

“Charmed.” Aiden drawled, stretching an arm across Louis’ desk to take Harry’s offered own.

“How posh.” He commented, releasing Harry’s hand with a lingering stroke of his thumb that sent an uncomfortable shiver down his spine.

“How come Niall’s way over there?”  Harry asked, trying for nonchalance. Louis spared a glance over to the blond who had his head thrown back in laughter as usual, at something some douche in pleather pants said, his hand discreetly resting on the blonde’s knee. Harry’s eyes narrowed at it, willing it to be removed with little luck.

“He likes to be all diplomatic sometimes, bless his heart so because he knows I refuse to sit with Malik he splits who he sits with from class to class. Speaking of let me have a look at your schedule.” Harry whipped it out and handed it to him.

“Zayn said we’ve got every class together except language.”

“Shit, that sucks I can’t stand that period because there’s no one in that class for me to talk to and I always get stuck partnering up with Finn Harries (Liam’s roommate’s twin brother) for conversation exercises and the kid is seriously bipolar one minute he’s a borderline genius and the next he’s dumb as bricks—seems he’s always the latter whenever we work together if you ask me.”

“Oh and whose that, uh sitting with them?” Harry asked, completely poker faced.

“Which one? Blue eyes or brown?”

“Um?” Harry shrugged, having no clue; they sat too far away to see.

“If you’re asking about blue eyes slightly ginger hair that’s Conor he’s a decent bloke, at least he was the one time I got to work with him in French when Zayn missed class because of food poisoning. The other with brown eyes is Justin he’s a complete arse who has been trying to get into Niall’s pants since he got here which come to think of it isn’t even all that hard to do so he must really give Niall the creeps or something because as far as I know he’s yet to put out.”

“The one in the tacky pleather pants?” Louis nodded.

“Justin, definitely Justin he pretty much thinks he’s Michael Jackson’s reincarnate.”

“Sounds like a douche, why does Zayn even hang out with him?”

“Beats me aside from their love for r&b tunes and poppin’ & locking they’ve got very little in common. Although I’m pretty sure they gave each other highlights.”

“Figures, someone heinous would be responsible for that awful cinnamon roll atop Zayn’s head.” Louis actually guffawed at this, slapping a hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter as an afterthought. Ms. Ferguson still glared in his direction but continued putting equations onto the whiteboard without comment.

“Oh god I knew there was a reason I liked you curls.”

XXX

Once the period ended Harry, Louis and Aiden all packed up and headed for the choir room, when they arrived they were the only three there so Harry followed the others to the cluster of chairs nearest to the windows. He waited for the other students to trickle in, shooting Louis and Aiden a puzzled look when he noticed Louis starting a game of hangman while Aiden painted his nails jet black.

The late bell rang out and not only did no one else enter the room but Mr. Murs himself was still missing in action. Harry went to comment on this when the door finally opened and in walked a man dressed in pastel, stripes and boat shoes. He didn’t even spare them a look as he immediately went to his desk and pulled a super slim laptop out from his briefcase.

“Alright lads what letter of the alphabet are we on today?”

“I do believe its ‘N’, since you played Modest Mouse on Friday.” Louis helpfully reminded, placing the last of eight dashes before informing Aiden that the category was _dance moves_.

“A.” Aiden guessed, blowing on his finished left hand. Louis nodded, placing an ‘A’ on the sixth dash and flicking his fringe out of his eyes as he looked up expectantly.

“Erm, E?”  The blue eyed boy shook his head gleefully and drew a circle beneath the ‘noose’ to pose as the head of a hanging man.

Mr. Murs meanwhile nodded to himself and searched his music library for something that was still a mystery to Harry. ‘aha’ he said suddenly, finding whatever it was he’d been looking for, he finally looked up at them and frowned.

“Alright hand it over Grimshaw, you know the rules.” Aiden looked up from the head, body and right arm on the paper after incorrectly guessing ‘S’ and ‘T’ shooting Mr. Murs his most convincing ‘huh’ face, but the music instructor wasn’t having any of it, holding his hand out to him. Aiden rolled his eyes.

“Jesus Christ Olly I’m not going to sniff it, I’m a klepto not a _huffer_ though I’ve probably sniffed my share of glue in my primary school days.”

“Look I don’t make the rules and Cowell would have my job.” Mr. Murs reminded him, snapping his fingers impatiently. Aiden could only sigh.

“Fine fine, at least let me do my other hand first.”

“Very well, but hurry the fuck…oh!” Mr. Murs said noticing Harry for the first time.

“Who do we have here? Are you on my roster do I need to start taking attendance now?” He kidded, gesturing the vast amount of empty seats.

“This is Harry Styles Olls; he’s new just got in last night.” Louis the ever helpful informed him.

“Well, ok for whatever reason you chose this elective, so welcome to music appreciation/choir Mr. Styles.”

“Uh, thanks?”

“Today’s musical selection is going to be a little band called Needtobreathe they’re an American folk rock band that I’ve been into for a couple of years now so let’s have a listen and maybe you lot will find something to like about them as well.”

“Anything is better than the last time ‘N’ came round…fucking Nsync.” Aiden commented, painting his final finger.

“Hey! Aiden I will have you know I’ve had many an awe-inspiring wank to Nsync so they will always hold a soft spot in my heart.” Louis countered, screwing the cap onto the nail polish bottle for his friend and tossing it to their instructor.

“Ta love and may I have an ‘O’ for 500 Alex?”  Louis frowned but grudgingly wrote two ‘O’s’ on the second and third dashes, knowing there was no way Aiden wouldn’t be able guess his word now. Taking in Louis’ defeated posture he glanced down at the paper and grinned.

“Moonwalk? Really Lou?”

“Yeah yeah, it’s your turn Harry.” Louis sing-songed passing the confused brunette the paper and pencil he’d been using.

“Ok, what am I missing here, aren’t we supposed to like study music or sing or I don’t know…”

“Probably but if you haven’t noticed there’s only three of us in here, before you there was only Aiden and myself so Olly decided to just play something from his Itunes library one day as me and Aiden played a quite spirited game of tic tac toe since then he’s made a game of it by going through the alphabet and ‘introducing’ us to new music and artists based on the letter of the day and that pretty much stands as the music aspect of the class.”

“Doesn’t it get a bit boring after a while?”

“Not usually I mean you can always get a head start on your homework or even catch a few extra z’s it’s basically a free period and an easy A, but it’s our best kept secret Styles so don’t go running off at the mouth to anyone else about this sweet deal because if more kids catch wind and start signing up for the class our man Olly may actually have to gasp teach.” Aiden joked, bringing both hands up to the sides of his face ala Home Alone.

Shaking his head, Harry took the offered pen and paper and after thinking for less than a minute began drawing dashes onto it. When he was done he showed it to Louis, telling him that the category was: _popular 90’s songs_.

“_ _ _   _ _ _   _ _ _   _ _ _ _   _ _ _?” The older boy took one look at the dashes, bobbing his head as if the song was playing in his head, smirked and pointed a finger gun at Harry, pretending to shoot him with it.

“Too easy, ‘who let the dogs out’ by the Baha Men, how about a challenge next time yeah?” He finished, turning the barrel of the finger gun up to his mouth and blowing imaginary smoke from it.

Harry blinked astonished eyes at his friend numbly passing the paper and pen to a chuckling Aiden.

XXX

In Geography it was as if Niall and Harry had switched off with the blonde now sitting with Louis, Aiden and (to Harry’s surprise) Liam.

“Liam’s in a junior class?” He asked suddenly as he followed Zayn to their desired seats. Zayn nodded.

“Oh yeah he tanked it last year big time and needs to make it up if he hopes to graduate on time.”

“That blows.”

“Tell me about it, worst part he’s not doing much better this year he’s just lousy at geography I suppose.”

“Tough break.” He finished just as they approached the same group of kids that Zayn had sat with in Algebra, most of which turned curious eyes their ways.  Zayn took this time to clear his throat, nodding his head at Harry.

“This is my new roommate Harry, Harry these are my mates. Conor, Justin…”

“Call me Biebs.” Zayn rolled his eyes at the interruption.

“Or Biebs whatever, that’s Perrie you know from earlier and her girls who annoy the ever loving shit out of me most days Jesy, Jade, and Leigh-Anne.” This earned him two flipped birds and a snarl from the girls in question as they whipped their hair around and proceeded to talk about him like a dog. Zayn just smirked and gestured to the seat that was to be his and waited for him to sit before taking his own.

“So what’s your story than dimples?” Justin asked ignoring Zayn’s cutting look.

“Ay, what did I tell ya he’s not spilling yet, give him a few days yeah?”

“Oh right I forgot how closed-lipped everyone is when they first get here it’s been a while since I paid attention to a newbie.” Conor said, shrugging.

“Well, how’d you end up here then?” Harry countered, eyeing Justin unimpressed.

“Easy I sold drugs to kiddies.”

“Naw, he’s just taking the piss mate he sold around his school not to ankle biters or anything.” Justin sucked his teeth, kicking Zayn in the shin.

“Way to ruin all my fun, did you see how big his eyes got?” Conor nodded, laughing.

“He’d sell it and I’d make it, I’ve always been an ace at Chemistry. So I mostly dabbled in meth and ex but I also grew my own weed plant.”

“Seriously how are you not in jail right now?”

“Got psychoanalyzed and it turned out there’s something not quite right upstairs some kind of chemical imbalance if you’ll excuse the pun. Don’t worry I’m all medicated now. Besides Zayn here nearly killed a kid and you don’t see him behind bars do ya?” Harry gasped, throwing accusing eyes at the darker boy.

“Thanks a lot Conor, now he’s going to be sleeping with one eye open or some rot.”

“Or you can tell me what he’s fucking talking about maybe?”

“Maybe is right, perhaps tonight even.” The group started talking about something Harry had no knowledge of so he kind of got lost in his thoughts, mostly mulling over the fact that he was potentially rooming with a murderer.

“Psst, hey, hey new kid.” Harry turned to the boy who sat to his right and nearly swallowed his own tongue in shock as the other boy wiggled his exposed dick at him with a smarmy grin.

“Tom Parker! When will you learn? Off to Cowell’s office, I’m not asking.” Mr. Walsh barked, pointing to the door. Tom laughed and stood, heading toward the exit.

“And for god sakes do put you dick back in your pants!” He received more laughter in response as the door slammed behind him. Harry who still hadn’t quite recovered from his shock couldn’t understand how everyone else had barely batted an eyelash at Tom’s bait and tackle just swinging in the breeze. Seeing Harry’s confliction Zayn nudged him with his shoulder.

“That’s pretty standard for Tom; he’s got tourettes as well as a mild form of aspersers so he’s known for pulling inappropriate things, sometimes he even gets away with it but not with Walsh. Whipping his dick out is his new favorite thing.”

XXX

“Hey Harry, let me have a look at your schedule again?”  Louis asked, after the period bell rang. Harry handed it over without question.

“Damnit, I knew something was off when I looked at it earlier, Malik was wrong we have one other period different _Gym_. Yours is next while I’m off to French so I suppose you’ll have Spanish during my Gym period, but on the bright side at least you’ll have Niall with you.”

Harry’s mouth went completely dry when it dawned on him that he would be sharing a gym class with Niall, Niall who would be no doubt dressed in the school issued uniform that consisted of tight shorts topped with an even tighter t-shirt and there would sweating during the playing of team sports, heavy contact sports.

Yeah, he was pretty much screwed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for sticking with this story, your patience and encouragements mean the world to me :) 
> 
> Trigger warnings: brief talk of eating disorders are in this chapter

Of course Niall hadn’t thought to wait for Harry to show him the way to the gym but thankfully Louis shrugged and told him the gym was actually the easiest thing to find on the property.

“You just head into the main building, the one your dad first parked in front of when you arrived right?” At Harry’s nod he continued.

“Well just go in there and you’ll find a red door to the left and there you are.” Harry shrugged because that did sound easy enough so he bumped fists with Lou before they went their separate ways.

Harry pulled open the red door to the gym to see half the class already changed and either messing around with one another or stretching. His entrance attracted the attention of a tall handsome man that could pass for Zayn’s older brother if you squinted.

“You must be the new kid Styles is it…I’m Coach Kaneswaran, which I am almost 100% sure you’ll never pronounce correctly so you can just call me Coach K , Siva or Coach Siva I answer to all.” They shook hands and Harry was about to ask about uniforms when he noticed a flash of blonde in his peripheral.

“Or ya can just call ‘im Coach Kaneswaaaaaaaaaran.” Niall screeched in a horrible Asian accent as he tried to karate chop the taller man in the ribs. But Siva quite effortlessly twisted out of harm’s way and gripped Niall’s wrist instead, bending it back behind the blonde’s back in one swift motion.

“You were saying Horan?”

“Nothing, ahhh, uncle, mercy _Christ Siva_ let up will ya!?!” With a smirk the older man released him.

“I suppose you two know each other then?” The Coach said offhand, in an Irish accent of his own, though it sounded nothing like Niall’s Harry noted.

“Yeah he’s rooming with Zayn so…” Niall finished with a shrug, his ever present grin kicking up a notch if it were even possible at the mention of the darker boy.

“Ah, well then you can be in charge of situating him with a uniform then, since you yourself aren’t even changed.” He paused to glare at that but Niall just shrugged, catching the ring of keys to the Coach’s office that were tossed his way.

“Make sure he’s assigned a locker as well and please don’t make me come down ‘ere after you lads, we’ll be starting the warm up exercises in the meanwhile and I don’t want you to miss ‘em yeah?”

“Sure thing Coach.” Niall promised already moving in the direction of the locker-room, leaving Harry with no choice but to follow.

Harry finds the Irish boy already digging into a dusty brown box labeled ‘boys, uniforms’ he looks up as he hears Harry’s approach.

“What do ya think medium or large? I’m supposed to wear small but I prefer a little breathing room so I went for a medium.”

“I’ll take a medium.” He croaked, then cleared his throat and repeated himself blushing because he liked to wear his clothes more fitted. Niall just shrugged pulling out a medium gray shirt with the school’s name printed in hunter green across the chest and threw it at him.

“Suit yourself and what about fer bottoms?”  Harry caught the shirt and stuttered out:

“Same.”  Niall found the right size matching green shorts and threw them at Harry as well before closing the box back up and kicking it back into the Coach’s closet.

“Alright, we had better get changed so Coach doesn’t send the cavalry in after us.” Harry nodded and went to stake out his desired locker.

Choosing one in an entirely different row than he’d seen Niall disappear down he pulls his shirt up over his head, turning when Niall calls out to him he nearly chokes on his own spit when he comes face to face with Niall standing in all is naked glory.

Miles and miles of pale unblemished skin, near glowing in the harsh fluorescent lighting of the locker room, but no less beautiful, Harry couldn’t look away daring to trail his eyes lower to the dusky honey brown curls of Niall pubes and the flushed penis hanging on display.

“Jesus.” He mutters without realizing, causing the blonde to smirk and before Harry can blink Niall has him backed against the locker, whispering in his ear, a hand cupping his already budding erection

“Like what ya see there Styles? Cause I’ll say you’re maybe the prettiest thing to transfer into Mount Serenity since Zayn and coach _won’t_ be down here after us no matter what he’s threatened.” Niall paused to lick a stripe along the outer shell of Harry’s ear making the taller boy shiver and bite his lip to keep from moaning.

“So I reckon we could get each other off before heading up…could make your eyes roll to the back of yer skull with my tongue and have you cumming down my throat in less than a mo I could.” He finished by nibbling at Harry’s earlobe.

Harry would be lying if he denied that he was full on hard now or that just the thought of Niall’s perfect bow shaped mouth wrapped around his dick didn’t set his insides on fire, that he didn’t relish the idea of returning the favor by downright _worshipping_ that perfect pink dick of the blonde’s but he had a feeling that if he did he’d be setting the wrong precedent for their relationship.

If he willingly got off with Niall after barely getting to know him that that’s all they’d ever be _wank buddies_ or something and that’s not what he wanted at all. Niall intrigued him, sure he was beautiful with his blue eyes and blonde hair but Harry was also drawn to his unflappable good mood, his never ending smiles and contagious laughs he wanted to _know_ the darkness that lurked beyond his sunshine exterior because there had to have been something for this carefree boy to end up in a place like this. So with every ounce of willpower he possessed he slid out from between the lockers and Niall and shook his head, trying for an amused smile.

“Ha, yeah right that’s all I need, to get caught by the gym teacher with my trousers round my ankles on my first day. Nice try mate.” Harry joked dryly. Niall frowned for all of a second before he was shaking his head, blinding smile back in place and shrugged.

“Can’t blame a chap for trying yeah?” He joked in return and turned to walk back to his locker, the perfect pale globes of his ass swaying with every step and Harry clenched his hands into fists, nearly drawing blood in regret.

Once dressed the two climbed the stairs back up to the gym in silence, with Harry fidgeting slightly in the stiff cotton of his uniform, pulling at the crotch of his shorts for the third time in less than a minute and thought maybe Niall had been right about going for a size larger because they were pretty snug around his bits but he reckoned it was too late now.

Niall’s own shorts were nearly hanging off his thin waist and Harry had a sneaky suspicion that the blonde wasn’t wearing any pants underneath  which was  just great, all Harry needed was to pop a boner in these ridiculously revealing shorts in front of the entire class, he groaned at just the thought.

“Nice of you lads to join us.”  Siva drawled, in between counting toe touches. Niall saluted their Coach with an obnoxious laugh and lined up beside a dark boy with dreads called Omar immediately bending to the floor as far as he could, Harry did the same.

After stretching for a bit more Siva announced they’d be starting up basketball and referred to his clipboard and roster as he broke the class up into two teams. Of course Niall was assigned the opposite team as him and even less of a surprise called Harry to guard with a wicked smirk that went straight to the brunette’s dick.

Certainly this made little sense seeing as Harry nearly towered over the Irish boy, but Niall’s teammates made no protests whatsoever and _Harry’s_ teammates weren’t going to say anything seeing the advantage for what it was, little did they know that he was in fact complete rubbish at basketball with his pigeon toed feet and lack of hand-eye coordination.

“Ay, I reckon you don’t let my height and trusting face fool ya, hear? I’m pretty good yeah?  Can get in your head, and just _try_ and shake me once _that_ happens.” Harry gulped because he had a sinking feeling they weren’t talking about the game anymore.

From the time Coach blew the whistle tossing the ball up in the air and a kid on Niall’s team called Kendal gained possession of the ball Harry cursed the day his father made the decision to leave him here more than ever as Niall took every advantage to drive Harry mad with desire. Every time Harry turned Niall was sneaking a grope at him, his hands seeming to be everywhere at once. Pinching at Harry’s side playfully, grazing the cleft of his ass, twisting a nipple. Harry was already dizzy with want and they hadn’t even gotten through a full quarter yet.

Mercy finally came in the form of a whistle as Siva blew his long and loud effectively ending the period a good twenty minutes early.

“Alright good game boys, now go on you’ve got twenty to hit the showers, so you’d better hurry.” Harry followed the rest of the class down to the locker room once more for a shower, warily edging away from the blonde and awaiting his next sneak attack, but to his surprise Niall was on his best behavior now with the others around, whipping Omar in the bum with a wet towel instead and running off gleefully when the darker boy tried to retaliate.

XXX

 Liam and Louis were already sitting at the same table from dinner the night before when Niall and Harry walked to it with their trays. Harry watched Niall’s eyes dart over to where Zayn sat laughing with his friends, pawing at his tattooed arm.

“You know, think I’ll eat with Zayn today if that’s alright.” He spoke once in earshot of the seated boys while Harry already took a seat beside Liam. Louis stuck his nose up in the air and sniffed haughtily,

“It’s not like we own you _Kyle_ , if you want to wallow with the scum and lesser beings then by all means…” Niall rolled his eyes, bidding Liam and Harry a quick ‘see ya’ before making his way over to the table in question. Harry’s eyes followed him discreetly, seeing the way Zayn’s eyes lit up at his unexpected presence, he quickly nudged a kid with a mohawk over to make room for Niall at his right. With Niall seated he seemed to resume his conversation about a particular tattoo, causing Niall to cackle loudly and grip Zayn’s arm in his hands to ‘sing’ into his microphone much to the table’s amusement.

Harry was not so much amused as a pang of jealousy shot through him out of nowhere. Turning his attention to Louis who was in the middle of complaining about being stuck working with Finn Harries in French _again_ and Liam nodding his head in sympathy, but he couldn’t stop his thoughts from wandering, just because he couldn’t see them didn’t mean he didn’t know they were still sitting impossibly close to make up for the fact that there were entirely too many kids on the single bench, couldn’t get the image of Niall’s pale hands wrapping themselves around the skin of Zayn’s darker wrist, and noting the way their tones complimented each other, how comfortable they were with one another, or how neither of them really seemed to know the meaning of personal space. Not to mention Niall’s earlier words about just how pretty Zayn was kept replaying on his mind and without thinking Harry bit into a carrot stick with a harsh crunch.

“Uh Curls, you ok over there mate?” Louis asked, eyeing Harry and his hunched posture. Harry blinked, shooting Louis a confused look.

“Yeah, fine why?”

“Nothing just, you look like you’re about ready to kill someone and those poor carrot sticks, you’ve not been very kind to them at all.” Louis stole an orange stick in question from Harry’s tray much to the other boys’ surprise and took a bite Bugs Bunny style.

“I’ve got quite a fondness for carrots; don’t know what it is about them really.”

“No wonder your eyes are so pretty then,”

“Ya think?” Louis cooed, batting his eyes comically.

“Oh great just what the Tommo needs, a boost to his ego.” Harry watched Liam wince as Louis not so discreetly kicked him under the table.

“You just hush now and let Harry lavish me with all the compliments he likes.”  Turning back to Harry he put his chin in his hand and smiled up at him from beneath his lashes:

“Go on.”  Harry blushed for a lack of what else to say.

“Erm, that was it really?”

“Oh poo.”  Louis pouted; throwing the piece of crust off his turkey sandwich he’d been toying with rather than actually eating at Harry and getting him square in the nose.

“But I did have a question?”

“And I’m sure we’ve got answers, isn’t that right LiLi?” Liam nodded between sips of his Pepsi.

“It’s about Niall and uh, Zayn? Are they like together or?”

“Oh didn’t manage to broach the topic during your late night pillow talk last night didja?” Louis teased; he looked to be actually contemplating taking a bite from his sandwich, but shook his head and left it lay where it was.

“No, we were too busy talking about you and him and the unresolved sexual tension between you.” Harry shot back, grinning at the look of aghast on the shorter boy’s face.

“What, he actually _said_ that?” Louis screeched, half rising from his seat.

“Naw I’m just taking the piss now come on Lou answer the question.” Louis glared, sitting back and crossing his arms over his chest in anger at being had. Liam laughed and decided to take this one.

“At one point I think it’s safe to say we’ve _all_ thought they were dating because they’re just so damn close, have been that way since day one, kind of like the two of you actually now that I think about it…and I know for a fact that Niall had sort of a hero-worshippy crush on Zayn in the beginning not that anyone would blame him because have you _seen_ Zayn? I think we’re all a little bit gone for him.”

“Not me, _certainly_.” Liam shook his head.

“Right right except for Tommo of course, this crush lasted for maybe a week but nothing ever came of it, Louis says it’s because Zayn is straight but I don’t know I think at the very least he’s bi, looking the way he does he would be a fool to limit himself to only females.”  Louis gasped, raising a hand to his chest in mock horror.

“Why Liam Payne you little horn dog you, what would our fair ginger think if he heard you now?” Liam blushed slightly and then as if out of habit his brown eyes slid to the faculty table, one fluffy haired ginger in particular.

“Shove it, Lou.” Louis laughed, but took pity on his older friend and dropped it.

“The real reason nothing ever happened between them is because Malik thinks he’s too good for our little Nialler…thinks he’s too good for most of us doesn’t he?” Harry’s eyebrows rose on his forehead at this, remembering Zayn saying the exact same thing about Louis just last night and wondered what had gone down between the two of them to give them that impression of each other.

“Seems you’ve got to sport awful purple hair and spread your legs like butter to bread to gain his attention.” Liam frowned in disappointment at Louis.

“Lou, come on now, Perrie’s a nice enough girl and she’s been through quite a lot. S’not nice of you to say that about her, besides I like her hair, purple’s my favorite color you know?” Despite his low opinion of Perrie Louis found himself smiling.

“Yeah, I know it is, _git_.” He threw in at the end, but it lacked any actual bite and was smoothed over by the fond sideways look he shot him.

“Alright well lunch is almost over, so would you mind trying a bite of that sandwich already so we’ll know if it’s worth wrapping up for Niall?” Louis shook his head at Liam’s awful ploy at getting him to eat because they all knew well enough the sandwich could be made of tar and jam and Niall would still eat it, but he humored the brown eyed boy by taking a decent sized bite and chewing with his mouth open obnoxiously wide.

XXX

Fifth period already, just three more classes to go but god could a school day drag on Harry thought as he followed Louis and Aiden who’d rejoined them at Louis’ locker.

“Did you get assigned a locker yet Harry?”

“Uh no? Just a gym one…”

“It’s probably on the back of your school program, but I suppose it doesn’t much matter until you get all your books sorted does it? S’alright we can share my copy of _Peter Pan_ also known as my autobiography.”

“Come on then Tomlinson we’re going to be late—why out of all classes do you _insist_ on making us late for _this_ one?” Louis shot him an irritated look.

“If you’re quite finished.” Aiden glared and rushed ahead of them in what Harry could only assume was the direction of their classroom. Louis rolled his eyes at Aiden’s retreating back and slammed his locker shut.

“Don’t mind him; he’s sort of got it bad for our English instructor.”

“Mr. Cardle is it?” Harry tried to recall his schedule from memory at Louis’ nod he did a mental fist pump.

“Yeah so you’ll have to excuse him if he’s a tad wax poetic about the exact color blue of Matt’s eyes for the majority of the class period.” Harry wouldn’t tell him yet but he figured he was well on his way to being the same with Niall and he’d known him for less than a _day_.

English went about the same as his other classes had, after introducing himself to Mr. Cardle, ‘call me Matt’ he went to sit with Aiden and Louis while Niall chose to again sit with Zayn and his friends. Matt started the class by immediately diving into a discussion on whether or not ‘Neverland’ could be considered a ‘utopia’.

Harry who had already read the novel the summer before was easily able to contribute to the discussion much to Matt’s pleasure. The only odd point was when Perrie’s friend Jade went out of her way to pass by Louis’ seat on her way to the bathroom, ‘accidentally’ bumping into him and slipping a tiny package into the pocket of his denim jacket.

Louis’ eyes had lit up as he and Aiden shared a knowing look before he noticed Harry’s confusion and leaned over to whisper in his ear, not even bothering to hide the fact because Mr. Cardle like most the instructors tended to let Louis get away with most (save for Ms. Ferguson and Mr. Walsh).

“Jadey-poo just hooked me up with some Ex-lax, she’s such a doll. Could’ve kept it all for herself but took the time to share the wealth.”

“Wait you mean she…”

“Yeah she’s in the same boat as me, her and Jesy both. Though with Jes she tends to be more bulimic than anorexic, she likes to binge eat and then rid herself of the poison later while Jade and myself would rather not bother with eating at all. “

“Oh, oh right.” Harry nodded in understanding.

“Look, Curls you can’t like let Liam, Niall or anyone really know about me having these alright? I could get docked on my behavioral points and I’m near close enough to get a weekend off campus coming to me soon.”

Although he knew he should try and talk Louis out of taking the laxatives, remind him that he was doing so well, but he really didn’t want risk angering his newfound friend so instead he nodded again.

“I got you, your secret’s safe with me.” Louis gifted him with a blinding smile.

“Never doubted it.” They shared a look, interrupted only by a wistful sigh from Aiden.

“ _Azure_ …they’re more an azuredon’t you think?” He asked no one in particular, staring dreamily into Matt’s eyes.

XXX

In the hallway Harry almost barrels into a pair of freshman who giggled up at him before hurrying away with pinked cheeks. Louis teases him about it the entire way to their Bio lab.

“Anything I need to know about this class before we enter?” Harry asked, amused.

“What do ya mean?” The taller boy shrugged.

“I don’t know it seems you’ve had a tip of some sort to tell me before every other one so…”

“Have I? Well then let me think now.” Louis physically tapped his chin with his right index finger in thought, when finally his face lit up and he nodded.

“Ms. Cole is _smokin’ hot_ so be prepared to have a wank at least once to a mental image of her face, she also happens to be the sweetest human being on the planet unless you get on her bad side which is pretty hard to do so don’t worry too much about that. She’s my favorite and takes her job very seriously being a woman in the science world you know so you’ll be actually learning some shit this period and that’s pretty much it.”

“Also, since you’re coming in so late in the school year you’re likely to be paired off with the only sap stuck without a lab partner…good luck with that. I’ve heard he’s a right terror to work with.”

 Harry sighed, figured there had to be a downside to this pretty ok school day (all things considered) he entered the room and showed Ms. Cole, who was indeed smokin’ hot, his schedule and she smiled and told him to take a seat on the only empty lab stool that just happened to be next to…

“ _Louis?”_

“Gotcha! Yeah lucky you, you get to work with yours truly I’m right jelly if I’m being honest.” Harry couldn’t help but laugh in relief as he climbed up onto the metal stool.

“You’re a right twat you know that?” Louis held his hands up as if to say ‘what are you gonna do’ and pulled out his pen and notebook. Harry glanced around at the other lab pairs, spying Niall and Zayn near cuddled in one of the far corners. Louis did so as well as sighed.

“That’s right the lovely couple are lab partners as well even though technically this class was supposed to be _my_ Niall time…bloody hell listen to me talking as if me and Malik have some kind of joint custody deal over Niall, but that arsehole had swooped in day one and claimed Niall for himself.” Harry didn’t even think Louis realized he was glaring at the darker boy; it was just instinctual at this point.

“It had been during the week that he had moon eyes for him and I hadn’t had the heart to guilt trip Niall into choosing me even though I _should_ have Malik’s a right dunce when it comes to Science, he’d be failing if it weren’t for Niall. But instead I’ve worked all alone for the last month or so, but now I have you and we’re going to be the best lab partners ever aren’t we Curly?”

“Of course not only because we’re _both_ good at Science but because we’re also so much fitter then they are.” He thinks on some level Louis knows he’s lying because _come on_ Zayn and Niall were gorgeous, but they _could_ hold their own and Louis’ booming personality did give them a bit of an advantage.

“That’s the spirit!”

XXX

Spanish goes by pretty much without incident when he ends up sitting on the opposite side of the room as Niall because Ms. Minogue was one of those old school instructor’s who still liked to seat her students according to alphabetical order luckily she hadn’t had to move anyone around to fit him in, with his name being closer to the end of the alphabet.

He did end up being paired with this annoying girl named though, named Taylor who kept bringing every conversation they had back around to _su gato Meredith,_ like he cared at all about her cat. While Niall seemed to be having a ball joking around with Omar from gym class as he suddenly bellowed out:

_Me bañaba en el jarabe de arce!!!_

When asked what he dreamed about last night, which translated to:

Bathed myself in maple syrup!!!

Their classroom was quite out of the way from all the other rooms down the darkest corridor and at the farthest back of the building so when Ms. Minogue called him to her desk after the period bell rang and the class cleared out Harry watched Niall’s back as he left without him yet again.

“Hola Mr. Styles, I just wanted to give you this assessment sheet to see where you’re at in terms of translations and the like, it’s take home but please complete it alone without the help of any outside sources, the internet included and return it to me tomorrow before class?”

“Sure thing Ms. Minogue.” With a nod and a soft smile she dismissed him. Harry exited the classroom heading for the building’s main doors when suddenly someone gripped him by the back of his jumper and tugged him into an even darker corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know I am evil for ending it there but the next part i wanted to go into would've been too long to add onto the end of this already 4k words chapter, so chapter 7 should be up sooner than my usual updates (crosses fingers)
> 
> As always I would LOVE to hear how you're liking/disliking the story so far 8D


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: This chapter contains sexual acts with a _minor_ , teenage prostitution, as well as the detailed descriptions of _child rape_.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this one is the worst chapters yet in terms of POOR NIALL, like WAY worse than even the _Liam attempted suicide chapter_ this one is all flashbacks of Niall's story and it's not even done haha like i had to break it bc it was nearing 6k words so i will finish his story in chapter 8.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.” Niall hissed into the side of Harry’s neck as he ground his erection hard into his thigh. The taller boy yelped in delayed surprise, struggling to free himself from his captor’s grasp.

“What, _Niall?_ What’re you…”He was cut off by Niall cupping a hand over his mouth.

“Shh now, we wouldn’t want to have Senorita Minogue coming out here and disturbing us would we?” Harry made a strangled noise, torn between _really_ wanting this to happen and wanting to wait until they’ve at least had _a_ full conversation that didn’t consist 99% of sexual innuendos.

“God you’re a hot one Harry, overheard that slag Taylor talking with Selena about adding you to her list of exes and I had to laugh because we both know that’s not going to happen, she’s missing a vital organ that you’re just _gagging_ for isn’t she?” He punctuated this with another thrust into Harry’s leg.  Closing his eyes to control himself, Harry shook his head and ripped from Niall’s embrace much to the blonde’s disappointment.

“Come on Hazza, I’ve been told I’ve got the perfect mouth for it, natural cock sucker I am. The best money can buy in fact.” He waggled his tongue at Harry to prove his point, and the taller boy gasped at this realization, whirling around completely to stare wide-eyed at the Irish boy. Niall shot him an equally puzzled look.

“What, you’re telling me Lou didn’t tell ya about me? Wow, that’s a shocker!” Harry shook his head, his brown curls swaying with the movement.

“You could do though?” Niall shrugged, making a show of reaching down to adjust himself.

“Me? Why I’m a regular teenage tragedy…”

XXX

_Niall pulled his open sleeveless denim jacket tighter around his middle as he made his way through the city, it was almost October and the air was growing chillier by the day he knew it would only be a matter of time before he’d have to ask Josh if he could borrow a proper coat off him, one that closed and had actual  sleeves to protect him from the cool Mullingar breeze. He looked up at the sound of rowdy laughter spilling out of the doorway of the third consecutive pub he passed in as many minutes and unconsciously quickened his pace._

_This was admittedly the seedier part of town; it had to be for what he aimed to do tonight. Making his way to_ his _corner, the one where his repeat costumers knew to find him. There was a semi-legal whore house a few blocks over but his clientele weren’t interested in anything they were offering there. They were looking for something younger, something_ male _, and his mouth and on the very rare occasion his arse was just the thing they needed, it’s what drew them from their plush upper middle class homes at night away from their lovely wives, perfectly behaved children, and upstanding jobs, brought them to the slums looking for a good time and Niall_ always _delivered._

 _He didn’t work the streets every night mind you, just most Mondays, Wednesday, Friday and the odd Sunday afternoon because some of his clients liked to meet up with him while their families were sat in mass—sometimes just the_ thought _of what they were doing on this holy of days was enough to bring them off without Niall having to do much at all to help._

 _It was Wednesday,_ hump day _he thought ironically and couldn’t help but shake his head and chuckle, remembering a time when his life was something close to normal and hump day meant that he was halfway through the school week, woohoo! It’s been a while since he thought in such simple terms though. Now hump day meant four guaranteed ‘meetings’ and anything else he could rustle up for the night._

 _As he approached his corner, right in front of the old abandoned toy shop—again the irony wasn’t lost on him that these filthy pervs got off on the fact that he was just turned sixteen, but still only looked fourteen-_ thirteen _if he didn’t bother to gel his hair. He looked down at his watch; it had been his older brother Greg’s, the only thing he still had of his left, the one only possession Niall still carried from his old life other than the clothes on his back._

_He saw it was almost seven on the dot, whew good thing because his first client of the night was Marvin (no last name) who always stressed the importance of Niall’s punctuality because he often met with Niall right before going home from the ship yard and he had it timed perfectly so that his wife (a sweet little redheaded homemaker who sold baked goods out of her kitchen) wouldn’t grow suspicious._

_It took him exactly one hour and forty-five minutes to drive from the yard to his house, two hours and fifteen if there was traffic, which around this time there often wasn’t but Edith didn’t drive much herself so she wouldn’t really know this, she also wasn’t aware of the fact that if he took the underpass on Bridgeton road he could shave a full ten minutes off his drive so with the extra forty minutes Marvin would swing by Niall’s corner every Wednesday evening and pick him up for a frenzied blowjob in the cab of his pickup._

_“Oh god yes, Edith she…she never puts her mouth on me anymore, just flops onto her back and tells me to have at her…there’s no more romance, no finesse. The concept of foreplay is completely lost on her.” Niall rolled his eyes and continued to suck Marvin’s brain out through his dick and didn’t bother to remind him that if it was just a mouth he wanted on ‘im he could always head over to the_ Hen house _for someone much cheaper and experienced, where he wouldn’t have to worry about possibly getting nicked accidentally by Niall’s braces._

_Because he knew better, Marvin was one of the rare clients who liked to ‘return the favor’ actually paid to suck Niall off after he’d blown his own load and even though it took extra effort on Niall’s part, conjuring up a decent enough mental picture in order to get it up (he often thought of Josh and the summers they used to go skinny dipping down at Bakers lake) and blocking out Marvin’s mewls of pleasure at having Niall in his mouth in order to reach release, but he agreed because it meant extra money in his pocket and he’d take all he could get._

_Once they were through, Marvin would hand Niall his money before dropping him back off on his corner. Ten to fifteen minutes later Bryce O’Kelley would stroll up to him and they’d trek it to the nearest dark alley for an extra messy blowjob, Bryce was a newly married twenty-one year old who knocked his high school sweetheart up straight out of university so now he was stuck with twin girls, trapped in a marriage he never wanted, back living in the home town that he’d always wished to escape, and worst of all working for his da’s company._

_He used their Wednesday night rendezvous’ as a twenty minute escape from reality, Niall often had to bite back a snort when instead of moaning the college grad would just grunt out all his regrets in life, gritting out a bitter ‘I’m fucking_ gay _’ as he pushed Niall off him and blew his load at the ground between his feet._

_Keith Dole was next. A half Irish, half Scottish chef at a pretty successful restaurant in the nicer part of town, he’s openly bisexual but his busy schedule doesn’t really leave much time for a social life so he more often than not returns home to an empty house save for his Pembroke Welsh Corgi, Cosmo. Keith likes a slow bj with lots of tongue, he also likes to paw at Niall, stroke the side of his face lovingly and pretend they’re in a relationship if only for the short while they’re together, and he can only cum if Niall sticks a finger in him. He also derived great pleasure out of waiting until Niall’s climbed out of his jag to slip the folded bills into the back pocket of the blonde’s jeans, sneaking a grope as he did._

_Niall’s final regular comes in the form of an eighteen year old high school football star that Niall used to go to school with Sean Cullen. He’s painfully hidden in the closet and meets with Niall every week for a desperate mutual wank, because that’s all he can ever afford. He refuses to let Niall use lotion or lube of any kind on him—likes for Niall to rub him raw, until he’s red and near chaffing. Likes to feel it for_ days _afterwards as a reminder of what he can’t ever have._

_Niall thinks his story is the saddest of them all._

_It’s nearing ten pm when he’s dropped off at the corner for the last time and leans against the doorway of the toy shop trying to look as enticing and as alluring as possible but the streets are pretty dead tonight, he’s just figuring he’ll call it a night when a drunk bloke stumbles out of the pub across the street, nearly face planting on the concrete before straightening himself up at the last minute. He steadies himself and looks up and right at Niall. The blonde quirks an eyebrow in discreet suggestion in case this particular drunk is of the homophobic variety, but to his relief a slow smile spreads itself onto the man’s face as he nods and stumbles his way over to him. Niall sighs and steels himself._

_And this was only Wednesday._

XXX

Harry leaned back against the opposite wall as Niall, just staring at him in shock. The blonde squirmed under the weight of Harry’s gaze and finally just shrugged, trying to lighten the mood with a laugh.

“Got myself busted for teenage prostitution one too many times and it was either here or juvie, so yeah I’m used goods, but all my bits are all still in working order and properly functioning. So what do ya say?”

“I uh, have a Skype date with a friend from back home that I can’t miss so…” He lied through his teeth but honestly the truth was what Niall just told him was a lot to take in and the worst part is it didn’t make him want the blonde any less, if anything it made him want to protect Niall and show him that he could be wanted for more than just sex, but holding _off_ on the sex was kind of a vital part of that plan so he was determined not to let Niall continue to get him alone like this and putting the moves on him.

“Can’t, Cowell has all video chat programs like Skype, Oovoo and Omegle blocked from the school’s wifi network.” The blonde informed, squinting his eyes at him.

“Really? That sucks, well then I have to go email, Maz and let him know…but I’ll see you at dinner right?” Niall made a frustrated noise but nodded, Harry barely waited around long enough to see it before he was fleeing for the building’s exit.

Niall kicked at the ground with the toe of his sneaker as he watched Harry walk away from him. Finally letting out a shaky breath, it’s been a while since he’s cared enough about anyone to tell his story and he kind of felt bad that he didn’t tell the younger lad his _entire_ sob story, didn’t tell him what _drove_ him to the streets in the first place…

XXX

_Niall was just nine years old when his parents divorced he’d like to say it was because they’d simply grown tired of one another, got fed up with the constant shouting back and forth that kept him up at night with his pillow covering his ears in a futile attempt to sleep, but that wasn’t it, not entirely anyway. Niall knew the reason for the divorce was Greg, namely his death._

_Greg had been the perfect child, he excelled in school, was popular and played football much to his da’s delight. Greg had been a son a father could boast about, not like Niall who never seemed to do anything right in his father’s eyes. He was small and scrawny for his age and had to play catch up to other boy’s his age in almost every aspect. So when Greg collapsed mid-field during the championship game the crowd let out a collective gasp, rising to their feet in concern._

_The medic team rushed onto the field and tried to perform CPR in front of most of Mullingar (football was what brought the town together after all) but it was to no avail he was pronounced dead moments later, the coroner would later inform them of an undetected heart murmur and also reveal that Greg had secretly been taking steroids and with their tendency to accelerate the heart, he’d had a heart attack, he was just sixteen years old._

_Bobby refused to admit that he had any part in Greg’s death, that the constant pressure he put on his son hadn’t driven him to resort to performance enhancement drugs in the first place, hell Bobby didn’t even_ like _Niall most days and the blonde still felt the pressure to please him, he could only imagine what it had been like to be in Greg’s shoe’s the Horan golden child. Almost all of their arguments started because of something to do with Greg and they ended the same way too with Bobby taking the couch for the night._

 _Greg had been his hero, yeah he was great in just about everyone’s eyes but he_ literally _could do no wrong as far as Niall was concerned he was the only one who ever really gave a shit about Niall and believed in his dreams of being the world’s Irish Justin Timberlake, had even been the one to buy Niall his guitar, an old beat up thing he’d found in a second hand shop for Niall’s eighth birthday._

_It had taken nearly every penny he’d earned the previous summer bagging groceries but he’d assured Niall that the look on his face when he handed it over was repayment enough. Niall had just beamed as he sheepishly handed him the pack of pants he’d had his mother take him to buy. After Greg’s funeral the coach returned a few personal effects from his locker to the family including his watch, Niall hasn’t taken it off since, back then he’d had to wear it on the very last notch now he wore it on the fourth._

_With Bobby out of the house, that left Niall and his mum all alone in their cozy home, Greg’s room still untouched and resembling more of a shrine than a teenage boy’s room but it was off limits to Niall anyway so it was easy enough to ignore. His mother doted on him and cried a little less, or maybe she just got better at hiding it? But things were ok for a while and then she met Drew; he was ten years her senior unemployed more often than not and had met her when he showed up at their door to fix a leaky pipe. Niall came home from school hours later to find them laughing at the kitchen table over cups of tea._

_They hadn’t been seeing each other two full months before he lost his plumbing job and got evicted from his shithole of an apartment for not making rent; Maura hadn’t even hesitated in asking him to move in. For the most part things were fine with Niall and Drew orbiting around one another like the sun and he moon never the two shall meet, still jobless Drew slept while Niall was at school and was up into the wee hours vegging out in front of the tv all night while Niall slept. And so it went for months and for the first time in a long while Niall saw his mother smiling and genuinely happy, something he hadn’t seen since_ Greg _._

_That’s why Niall didn’t mention the skeevy feeling he got on the rare occasion their paths did cross, the shiver that would trickle down his spine whenever he felt eyes following his every move and there was only the two of them in the room so it had to have been Drew, watching him with eyes that Niall didn’t quite know what to make of in his still blissfully naïve fifteen year old mind._

_Soon enough he would regret keeping his silence._

_It was late March when Maura decided to treat herself to a girls night out with some friends from work and told Niall and Drew who she referred to as ‘her boys’ to behave, shooting Drew a wink and raking a loving hand through Niall’s soft ungelled hair._

_Niall not only heard but felt the sound of the door echoing through him as his mother left him alone with a near stranger, I mean it wasn’t like they’d bonded in the four months Drew and his mum had been dating or whatever it was they were doing from what Niall had seen of them, they weren’t all that loving or at least Drew wasn’t towards his mum, he just seemed to tolerate her more than anything, Niall reckoned it was because he knew if he didn’t give Maura some semblance of affection she might catch on to the fact that he was pretty much using her for free room and board._

_Niall who had been finishing up a pretty quality PB &J sandwich cleared his mess and rose to head to his bedroom to learn another JT song on the ‘tar when Drew surprised him by calling out his name. Niall turned just his head to the older man with a raised eyebrow, Drew gestured to the end of the couch he wasn’t occupying with the bottle of beer he was currently working on._

_“Was just about to watch Iron man, why don’t ya have a sit and join me?”This shocked Niall because really they never did things together, never even spoke other than to ask for the salt, pepper or other assorted condiment at the dinner table._

_“Uh, yeah alright…” He shrugged because what could it hurt really, besides he absolutely loved the movie._

_“Grab yerself a cold one too eh? Won’t tell yer mum.”_

_Niall lit up at this because as hard it was to believe he’d yet to have his first taste of alcohol, unheard of for an Irishman of his age but like with most things in his life he was a little late in coming, he and Josh had tried sneaking a couple of his da’s brews once when they were thirteen and both got the lashing of their lives when caught by Mr. Devine, so they hadn’t bothered to try again._

_“Really? Wicked!”_

_They were halfway through the film and three beers down for Niall and a fourth in his hand and he was definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol, his vision was kind of fuzzy and doubled every now and then but all he had to do was blink a couple of times to fix that, but worst of all he’d become sort of paranoid._

_Their couch wasn’t big by any means but two people, three if you were fairly thin could fit comfortably but for some reason Drew seemed to be sliding closer and closer to him with each passing tick of the annoyingly loud antique grandfather clock his mother was so fond of. And it was probably his imagination but he could have sworn he felt Drew graze his thigh with his hand._

_Niall shook the thought from his head though and figured this would have to be his last drink of the night because wow his mind was playing tricks on him. Then it happened again, the hand lingering just a tad bit longer before it was moved and Niall gulped loudly because that can’t just be his imagination right, if it happens more than once? Niall was just about to make a show of yawning and call it a night, retreating to his bedroom even though there was still a good twenty-thirty minutes left of the movie when Drew suddenly broke out in laughter, dropping a seemingly friendly hand to Niall’s thigh and boldly squeezed it._

_“I reckon I could take that Tony bloke in a fight, I used to box you know?” This piqued his interest; Drew’s wandering hand quickly forgotten._

_“Did you?” The brunette nodded, taking another pull of his beer._

_“Yeah, you ought to try taking it up being so small you probably get picked on a lot at school yeah?” He didn’t, not really he had friends who were bigger than him and protected him, but for the most part he tried to make friends with everyone that way there wasn’t many people_ left _to bully him. But he just shrugged because learning to box actually sounded like it could be a lot of fun._

_“Could show you some moves now if ya like?” Niall didn’t think this was the ideal time for a boxing lesson having had three beers too many, he didn’t even think he could stand properly without swaying but again he shrugged, if anything they could have a laugh at his drunken attempts._

_“Yeah alright.”He agreed, moving to stand and that’s when he noticed Drew’s hand had still been gripping his thigh as it slid away with his movement. He stood on the first try and did a mental jig at the feat while he waited for Drew to join him._

_“Alright mate, first thing you want to do is stand with your feet about a foot apart, like this.” He waited for Niall to mimic his stance before nodding._

_“Yeah like that, now raise your fists to shoulder height with your non-dominant hand up against your face like so, to block your opponent.” He waited for Niall to follow instructions once more before grinning at the blonde._

_“That’s it mate. Now I’ll show you a basic jab yeah, with boxing you have to remember it’s not just punching your arm out and hitting something, you sort of throw your whole body into it, each punch actually begins with your feet. See because you punch with yer left hand, you move in with your left foot and just go for it.” He took a few practice jabs at the air between them before dropping his hands and gesturing for Niall to give it a go._

_Niall nodded more to himself than to Drew and mentally did a check list as he prepared to do just as Drew instructed but nearly fell into the taller boy instead, his equilibrium completely out of whack. Drew was there to catch him though and chuckled into the side of Niall’s neck as he whispered:_

_“Think you mean to wrestle me instead there mate, which we can do.” He said and without warning he tackled the blonde to the carpet, pinning him instantly._

_Despite Niall’s earlier discomfort around Drew he had to admit he was having fun as he cackled and squirmed away from Drew’s wiggling fingers as they attacked his sides. He gasped when Drew suddenly nudged him in the crotch with an open palm and it could have been unintentional, they were rough housing after all and these things_ happened _, lord knows him and Josh have accidentally bumped willies enough during their play but for some reason Niall didn’t think it was, an accident that is._

_Drew seemed oblivious to Niall tensing up and continued to tickle the younger boy jokingly calling him names as he did and Niall tried to relax because Drew wasn’t as bad as he initially found him to be and thought they could maybe be friends if he could get over these odd feelings toward him. He tried to move away from his attacker’s dancing digits once more but to his shock Drew gripped his hips and pulled them roughly against his own groin so that he now knelt between Niall’s legs who laid on his back, legs having spread in their thrashing._

_Niall’s throat hitched in fear as he glanced up and saw that familiar look, that skeevy glint he was now accustomed to seeing in Drew’s eyes whenever he looked at him. Without thinking Niall drew his knees up to his chest so that he could fit his sock clad feet in between the nearly nonexistent space between them and roughly kicked Drew away from him. The brunette yelped in surprise, blinking confused eyes at him._

_“You know I’m pretty beat, think I’mma turn in, but thanks fer the boxing lesson.”  The blonde informed him, his knees still hugged at his chest, making him look even smaller than he already was._

_“Oh, yeah no worries. G’nite then.” Drew stuttered out, rubbing at his chest where Niall had kicked him._

_“Night.” Niall mumbled, making his exit._

_Niall laid in his bed staring up at his ceiling unable to sleep, unable to get his mind to calm down. He was freaked out of course and confused because there was no way what he was thinking could be true, his mum’s boyfriend looking at him as anything more than his older girlfriend’s brat, he certainly didn’t see him in any kind of_ sexual _way that only happened to_ girls _in the lifetime original movies his mum was partial to._

 _Sighing at his absurdity Niall turned onto his side to face his bedroom door and gasped when he saw the approaching shadow of someone’s feet underneath it. Holding his breath he watched the shadow stand there for a few beats and then he thought he heard someone grip the squeaky knob of his door and couldn’t help but begin to shake in fear because what if his thoughts_ weren’t _absurd, what if Drew really meant to…luckily the telltale sound of his mother returning home for the night rang through the house and the shadow quickly retreated. Niall released the breath he’d been holding, but he didn’t get to sleep until just before the sun was on its way up._

_Niall misses school the next day and swears off drinking forever because his head was pounding the rhythm of a Shakira song and he’s already paid homage to the porcelain gods twice and judging by the rolling in his stomach he was due for another visit to the loo soon. His mother chastises him for not going to school but makes him her famous feel better remedy of grilled cheese and Campbell’s tomato soup with a hot chocolate._

_She seriously was one of the best mums ever, rivaled only by Mrs. Devine who was sort of like an unofficial second mum to him. That’s why he didn’t tell her about the other night and the unsettling feeling he got whenever he was around Drew now, for whatever reason the former plumber made his mother happy and it’s been so long since that’s been the case…he couldn’t bare being the reason that stopped._

_So it goes on for weeks with Niall trying to avoid being alone with Drew and ignoring the way his skin would literally crawl, feeling Drew’s eyes on him constantly, it made him feel dirty._

_Then his mum calls home to let them know she won’t be there until late that night because she was covering for a co worker and instructing them to heat up the leftovers from the night before for dinner._

_Niall does just that taking note that Drew has already drank himself halfway through a bottle of Jack Daniels and knowing being stuck in the house alone with a drunk Drew is the very last thing he wants, so he makes up his mind that he’s going to phone up Josh and ask if he could stay the night at his house, he’s sure it’ll be fine but he wants to ask just in case, he’ll even beg if that’s what it takes._

_After dinner he tries for a nonchalant tone when he tells Drew that he’s heading over to his mate’s for the night._

_“Don’t reckon yer mum would approve of that though?”_

_“It’s Friday, she lets me stay over as long as it isn’t a weekday.”Niall shot him a falsely friendly smile before heading to his bedroom to change and pack his overnight bag._

_He’s stood in only his leprechaun pants, humming ‘Feelin’ good’ by Michael Buble to himself when he turns to his dresser to find a clean shirt to wear he jumps at the sight of Drew standing in the doorway, bottle to his lips his glassy eyes trained on Niall’s bare chest. Niall hadn’t even heard his door open and cursed the fact that his door didn’t have a lock, though he had taken to sleeping with a chair tucked under his door knob since the night he’d seen Drew’s shadow._

_“Fuck mate, you scared the shite out of me, what’re you doing in here? I’m just getting changed and then I’ll be outta yer hair…you’ll have the whole house to yourself.”Niall joked playfully he continued to dig in his drawer for a shirt._

_“I don’t think so.” Niall froze at this._

_“Huh?” Before the word was completely out of his mouth Drew had slammed the door shut and conquered the few feet between them with a speed no man with that much whiskey in his system should be capable of._

_He grabbed Niall’s wrist with one hand and tipped the bottle up to his mouth finishing it off with just two harsh pulls, before dropping the empty bottle to the carpeted floor and wrenching a struggling Niall forward to crash their mouths together. Niall blanched, trying to fight the older boy off but he was impossibly strong and Niall’s efforts seemed to be futile. He bit Drew’s tongue when he tried to slip it into the blonde’s mouth causing him to cry out in pain and sneer in anger._

_“Oh you’re really going to regret doing_ that _.”Drew slurred, spinning the younger boy around and throwing him violently down to the bed, with Niall’s wrists still gripped in his hands Niall had no choice but to twist them behind his back to avoid dislocating his shoulders and he cried out when Drew pressed a knee down to his back in order to keep him restrained while he relinquished his hold on Niall’s wrists with his right hand._

_Niall continued to struggle out of Drew’s grasp ineffectually as he felt the older boy moving around behind him, it wasn’t until he heard the telltale clink of a belt buckle being opened and the sound of the zipper of Drew jeans being unzipped that he truly began to panic._

_“No, fuck Drew man don’t—you don’t want to do this!”_

_“Shut up.” Drew muttered, wiggling his hips to try and get his jeans to drop when he seemed to be having trouble pushing them down single handed._

_“I’m_ me _, a boy, pale and scrawny with fucked up teeth and you could do better yeah? You could do so much better…just_ please _!”_

_“Shut yer fucking gob or else I’mma have to gag you.”Niall bit his lip as tears already began their descent down his cheeks, his body trembling in fear as Drew successfully pushed his jeans and underwear to his knees. Niall whimpered as Drew then grasped the back of Niall’s own pants and tore them off him as if they were made of tissue paper. The cold air hitting his bare arse was a cold hard reminder that this wasn’t one of his recurring nightmares, that this was actually happening._

_“Please…” He tried one last time but his voice fell on deaf ears as he felt the older boy spread his cheeks and hock a lob of spit, spreading his saliva around Niall’s entrance before shoving two fingers into him without warning. Niall screamed out, his face almost turned crimson from the pain. Drew actually chuckled as he wiggled them around inside of the blonde, who sobbed and begged for him to stop._

_“Take ‘em out, please please, stop this!”_

_“Well, if you insist…” Drew said in a mocking tone that did nothing to calm Niall down. Before he knew what was happening the fingers were torn from his body and replaced with Drew’s unlubed erection._

_“Jesus Christ!!!” Niall screamed out, as Drew wasted no time letting the blonde adjust to the intrusion before he was rocking back and forth into him, moving the bed as he did so._

_“Shit yer so fucking tight, it’s heavenly…should’ve been doing this all along I should.”The older boy muttered to himself, finally releasing Niall’s wrists so that he could grip his waist with both hands, pounding into him with abandon. With his hands now free Niall gripped his comforter in pain, vision blurred with tears as he suddenly went completely limp, as Drew fucked him harder, slamming into the smaller boy._

_“So pretty, god yer such a pretty little thing.” He slurred right against Niall’s ear, Niall didn’t hear him though Niall didn’t hear anything , he barely felt anything anymore having gone completely numb as he let Drew rape him, praying that it wouldn’t be much longer before he was through. He didn’t have to wait long before the brunette finally came inside him with a harsh groan and a bite to Niall’s shoulder hard enough to bruise._

_Niall winced as Drew pulled out using a piece of Niall’s ripped boxers to wipe his dick clean of blood and semen he pat Niall’s ass once more_

_“Damn mate you might want to think about offering up that tight little arse of yours for dosh, you’d make a right killing.” Niall could only whimper brokenly, bringing his knees up to his chest he curled up into fetal position as best he could with the sharp dagger like pain that was shooting up his spine with every movement._

_“I wouldn’t think about telling anyone about this either, it’s not like anyone’ll believe you anyhow.” Niall said nothing just clenched his eyes shut and begged a higher power to make him leave already. After pulling his jeans back up and collecting the rest of Niall’s ruined underwear and his empty Jack Daniels bottle up off the floor Drew left the room and Niall could finally breathe again as he cried himself to sleep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this can be really squicky for some so please let me know if i should be less detailed with dark subjects such as this in the future i don't want to lose any readers :(


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains sexual acts with a minor, teenage prostitution, as well as detailed child molestation.
> 
> P.s. I don't know Josh Devine's parents' actual names so I named them Charles and Barbra haha

_Niall’s abuse continued on for almost a month right under his mother’s nose, she’d either be at work or passed out from a long day at the office and Drew would slip into Niall’s room (turns out putting a chair under the doorknob only worked in movies) where he would almost suffocate the blonde, smooshing his face into the pillow to quiet his whimpers and pleas to stop._

_It got to the point where Niall barely protested anymore, just laid there most nights still as a corpse and let it happen, especially after he realized his tears, struggles  and protests only aroused his abuser further._

_His mother was completely oblivious to what was going on beneath her very own roof and Niall didn’t tell her because a part of him still didn’t want to chase the happiness from her face, but an even bigger part of him was_ ashamed _, ashamed of what he allowed to happen to him, continued to let happen because he wasn’t strong enough to fight Drew off, maybe he_ deserved _all this for being so weak._

_So when Maura pecked her boyfriend’s lips one last time before climbing off of his lap to start dinner, she completely missed the look of utter disgust on Drew’s face as he wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his thermal. Spying Niall dashing into the bathroom with a towel and change of clothes Drew quickly rose from the couch muttering something about taking a quick shower while she put dinner on._

_He hurried to the bathroom, just catching a foot in the door before it could shut and Niall could lock him out. Niall jumped as the door was shoved open and Drew forced his way into the tiny room with him. Shutting and locking the door behind him._

_Niall gasped, because Drew wasn’t usually this bold whenever he forced himself on the blonde, his mother was literally just in the kitchen, humming to herself as she prepared that night’s meatloaf.  He could hear her through the wall in fact…she was_ that _close. But the older boy didn’t seem to care much as he nodded toward the shower telling Niall to start the water without using actual words._

_Niall moved to do just that, his movements robotic as he once again felt himself shut down, resigned to the fact that this was going to happen whether he wanted it to or not, it always did. He jumps when he feels rough hands ridding his body of its clothes in the meanwhile and didn’t fight it, what was the use?_

_With the water now running Niall stood straight once more and didn’t fight it when he was suddenly tugged forward, Drew all but devouring him via his mouth. Niall didn’t kiss him back, but the older boy didn’t seem to mind just continued to lick into the teen’s slack, unresponsive mouth as he blindly stripped his own body._

_With their clothes discarded they both stepped under the hot spray of the shower head and Drew wasted no time in pushing Niall to his knees and shoving his cock down his throat._

_The blowjob was quick and ruthless as he fucked Niall’s throat, paying no mind to the gagging noises Niall made, as the younger boy dug his fingernails into the skin of Drew’s hip in an effort to get him to let up, but his actions were to no avail as the brunette seemed to double his pumps into Niall’s hot mouth instead, until he finally gave him one last powerful thrust, cumming down his throat and literally knocking the blonde on his ass with its force. Niall flew back to the tub’s floor, his head hitting the tiled wall and knocking both the shampoo and conditioner bottles off of the shower ledge._

_“Everything alright in there darling?” Maura’s sweet voice called at the loud crash coming from the bathroom. Drew shot Niall a warning look before shouting back._

_“All fine, ducks be out in just a mo.” This seemed to pacify her as she didn’t come to investigate and within minutes Niall could hear her resume her humming. Drew sneered down at the blonde, almost sprawled out on his back and reached down to thumb the pearl of cum that had leaked to the corner of Niall’s mouth and brought it to his own lips._

_“Think we’d better hurry and get business done in here ‘fore yer mum comes back to fetch us for supper.” With that they made quick work of washing their bodies with Drew stealing gropes to Niall’s redden flesh every now and then as they did._

_XXX_

_Later while sat around the dinner table, Niall’s whole world ended with three simple words. He’d asked his mum to pass the mashed potatoes back around and she did so saying:_

_“There ya go my sweet, we’re getting married.” The three of them froze as the last three words his mother had just blurted sunk in. Her cheeks had begun to pink._

_“Oh dear I…I hadn’t meant to say it like that, we  planned to wait but, Niall Drew’s asked me to marry him and I’ve said yes.” Every inch of Niall felt as though it had been plunged into frigid water as he involuntarily began to shiver._

_Before he could stop himself he was shaking his head, repeating one single word over and over, growing louder as a panic began to set in at the reality of it all. Knowing that if he didn’t say something now his mother would marry Drew and he’d be stuck living this way for the next two years._

_“No, no, no, No, NONONO!!!” He rose to his feet, ignoring the pain on his mother’s face and the anger on Drew’s._

_“Niall, love I don’t understand—you and Drew seem to get on so well I…” Niall’s eyes widened and he crossed his arms over his chest, curling into himself unconsciously._

_“We DON’T mum, we don’t get on well at all, not when he gives me beer behind your back, not when he sneaks into my bedroom at night, not when he forces his cock down me throat in the shower not an hour ago with you just out here cooking.” He paused to get his breathing under control because he was almost light headed with the way he was panting._

_“Not when he fucks me until I bleed and leaves me there broken and confused and wanting to die so it won’t ever happen again…but it_ does happen again _and again and again mum and_ you let it _and now you mean to tell me I’ll have to live with this until I turn eighteen and finally move out? I think not.” Drew was absolutely livid as he too rose and moved to strangle him but remembered Maura’s presence at the last minute and held off._

_Maura’s eyes darted back and forth between her son and the man she loved, her eyes a mix of confusion and anger and Niall watched as the anger won out and she suddenly glared at him._

_“How dare you Niall? How dare you spit such filthy lies at my dinner table, in my home? My girlfriends said you might be a little angry with me for replacing your father and fear that Drew would replace you as well, but this is going much too far Niall! Accusing Drew of touching you, of liking little boys? Boys don’t get raped Niall how could you do this to me, you’re just like Bobby can’t stand to see me happy for once.”_

_“Are you kidding me? That’s the whole reason I didn’t tell you, I didn’t want to see you like this but I can’t take another two years of this ma, I can’t.”_

_“Get out, get out of my house you ungrateful prat!”She was near quaking with anger as she stared daggers at him. Niall didn’t have to be told twice, not even bothering to grab a jacket he headed for the front door. He opened it and spared his mother a final look before he slowly shook his head and whispered just loud enough to carry over to them._

_“The saddest part is he bloody_ told _me you wouldn’t believe me.”_

_XXX_

_Niall has no idea where he is meant to go but he knows returning home again will never be an option, his mother had been given a choice between her sixteen year old son and her twenty-eight year old fiancée and chose Drew. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to forgive her for it._

_Finally after hours of wandering Niall stumbled across a rare phone booth and made a collect call to the only person he could think of._

_“’Ello?” Bobby Horan barked into the phone._

_“Yeah Da?” Niall gulped rather loudly at the gruffness in his father’s voice._

_“Niall that you?”_

_“Yeah.” He paused, nervously shifting from one foot to the other in the silence._

_“Well go on then, what’s the big idea calling me collect, ya dim or somethin’?” The blonde was quick to explain his actions only stuttering slightly because he knew how much doing so raked on his father’s nerves._

_“Don’t have me wallet on me at the mo, just had a row with mum and she went and threw me out the house…so I was wonderin’ if I could come stay with ya for awhile?”_   _Niall heard his father let out a heavy sigh._

 _“Look it’s time you knew boy; I’ve never wanted kids yeah? But yer mum got knocked up with Greg and trapped me in a miserable marriage—by the time you came a long I was near contemplating driving off a cliff, I was so bloody depressed. I swear yer ma divorcing me was the best thing to ever happen and I pay her the bleeding child support the courts force me to, so I reckon I’ve done my part. You’ll have to find somewhere else to kip, I’ve moved on, got a new_ better _life now I do and I’ll not have you come here tryin’ to ruin it for me.”_

_Before Niall could even respond the line had gone dead._

_With nowhere else to turn Niall heads to the only other home he’s ever known…_ Josh _.  Even though he loved the Devine’s like a second family, he didn’t want to tell them his mother had thrown him out and possibly cause her any kind of trouble, she was still his mother after all and despite all this he loved her._

_He also couldn’t bring himself to tell them about the Drew issue so he was more that grateful that it was Josh who answered the door when he knocked and after silently taking in Niall’s posture, ushered him into the house without question._

_“Niall James is that you trying to sneak into this house on a school night?” Barbra (call me Babs) Devine scolded from the living room. The blonde whirled round with a sheepish look at having been caught._

_“Yeah it’s me Babs, I uh had a row with me mum tonight and she thought it would be best for me to stay over here…ya can call her if ya like.” He’d never lied to the Devine’s before, never had to, so there was no reason for Babs not to believe him. Clucking her tongue she rose from her seat on the couch to wrap her arms around him in a hug._

_“I won’t ask what it was about, I know you’d come to me if ya needed it. You’ve eaten already or would ya like me to heat something up fer ya?” He was near starving even after the two and a half servings he’d had back at his house but he shook his head with a grateful smile._

_“Alright, off you go then. Get ready for bed, you boys have school tomorrow and I won’t have you up all not playing that dang video game.”_

_“Yes ma’am.” The two boys chorused already halfway up the stairs. Once in his room Josh eyed his friend, namely his lack of anything but the clothes on his back._

_“Must’ve been some row if ya left out the house without yer usual overnight bag…alright then strip down to ya pants and I’ll lend ya some jammies cause I ain’t sharing a bed with ya in just yer pants.” Niall rolled his eyes but did as instructed, his movements still stiff and slow from the fall he’d taken in the shower earlier, he folded his tan khakis and reindeer jumper and set them aside on Josh’s desk chair._

_The brunette turned from his dresser with a pair of flannel night trousers and a old ratty concert tee when he suddenly let out a gasp, dropping the clothes he held and rushing over to his friend. Niall’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion until he winced when Josh poked him in his side, he’d barely touched him and yet Niall felt like his entire side was on fire._

_“What the fuck is this mate…” scanning Niall’s body further he found similar bruises though these a little more faded._

_“Where’d you get…are these bite marks? Jesus Niall have you got a secret boyfriend I don’t know about?” He pulled away from the darkest of the bites he’d been examining to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively at his friend._

_He was the only person on earth who knew of Niall’s sexuality, it was no secret to him that he best friend harbored feelings for him, has since they were wee little lads and told him as much when they were about thirteen and Josh wished more than anything that he could return those feelings because he did love Niall just not in that way, he couldn’t, couldn’t bring himself to look at another bloke that way. His playful smirk was chased from his face however at the unshed tears in the blonde’s eyes._

_“Niall wha—“_

_“I ain’t got no boyfriend Josh, you know I’d tell ya if I did.”_

_“I know but…” Niall heaved a heavy sigh and collapsed onto the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands as he began to sob. Josh was at his side in mere seconds throwing a comforting arm around his shoulders._

_“Tell me, Niall please…” Taking a shaky breath Niall nodded more to himself than anything and told Josh of the months of sexual abuse he’s endured at the hands of Drew and how he’d finally snapped because him mum was going to actually marry the sleazy pervert._

_“Why’d you let it go on Ni, did ya…” Josh trailed off, gesturing obscurely with his hands._

_“Hell no I didn’t want it, I swear J! I did it for me mum, she’s been happy since meeting him and I just liked seeing her like that I don’t know how much longer I could’ve gone like that but when I heard she planned to marry him I snapped, couldn’t do that for two more years…so I finally told her tonight and she, she…”_

_He broke off into another sob this one nearly wrecking his entire body, but Josh just held his through it all, rubbing his shoulder and arm soothingly, whispering that it was all going to be alright._

_“She didn’t believe me Josh, said I was making it up that boys didn’t_ get _raped. He said that would happen and the tosser had been right! She picked him.”_

_“I’ll wring his bloody neck is what I’ll do Niall, he’s not going to get away with this…we can tell my parents and…” Niall shot up in a panic knocking Josh’s arm off of him in the process._

_“No! No Josh we can’t, you can’t. I don’t want to start no trouble with me mum and this way she can just be happy with him and I won’t have to worry about him sneaking into my bed at night…”_

_“Niall, he deserves to be in jail for what he did and she chose him, called you a bloody liar how can you still defend her?”_

_“She me mum.” Niall sighed out helplessly._

_“Alright I won’t tell my parents but how do you expect to stay here for the next two years, until you’re eighteen without them I don’t know growing suspicious?”_

_“I don’t plan on staying here that long, I know I probably can only get away with staying here until just after the weekend before yer ma either sends me home to make amends or calls me mum to come fetch me.”_

_“Yeah that’s exactly what’s going to happen.” Josh agreed, dragging his palms up and down his thighs. Niall nodded and continued._

_“That’s why we’re going to have to think up an alternative, where do you reckon I can stay?”_

_“Uh….” The brunette was drawing an absolute blank and judging by the way Niall’s eyes were drooping; he was much too knackered to think up anything better so he shrugged._

_“Think we ought to sleep on it for now and come up with some ideas in the morning yeah?” Niall nodded, though he was so tired it barely moved more than an inch up and another inch down._

_“Is there anything I can do for you in the meantime?” Niall bit his lip looking up at Josh with an odd expression on his face._

_“You think you could.” He paused to shake his head._

_“Go on Niall, ya can ask me anything you know that.” There was so much sincerity in his voice; Niall knew his friend meant every word._

_“I just, I know you’re not really into…but could you; you think you could just hold me? Like as a mate or a brother even, just until I fall asleep?” Niall chewed his bottom lip as he watched his best friend think it over._

_“I’d understand if you can’t.” Josh rolled his eyes._

_“That all? Don’t be daft; cos I can, get on under the covers don’t even worry about changing into the jammies yeah?”Niall nearly fell over from the intensity of the emotions he felt then as he quickly scrambled under the comforter and watched Josh flick the light off and do the same, scooting up behind the blonde to spoon him tight._

_“I love you Ni and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for ya.”Niall couldn’t help but let out a short sniffle at this confession._

_“You didn’t know, how could you and you’re here now yeah?”_

_“Always.” Niall nodded, his soft hair tickling the underside of Josh’s chin as he did._

_“We’ll think of something in the morning.” Josh promised his only reply was a soft snore._

_They never do think of anything good and sooner than he would’ve liked Sunday night arrives and Babs comes to be standing in the doorway of Josh’s bedroom wrapping on the frame with her knuckle to gain the boys attention, looking pointedly at Niall. The blonde’s smile melted off his face as he rose from the floor._

_“Reckon I should be headed home then huh?”_

_“I think you’ve been staying with us long enough Nialler as much as Charles and I love having you, you really ought to patch things up with yer mum.”_

_“Cos you’re right Babs, thank you fer letting me stay this long.” The slender woman waved him off with a grin._

_“Don’t you dare, you know you’re welcome anytime, now gather your stuff up so I can have Charles give ya lift to yours.” Niall was quick to protest._

_“Oh no, that isn’t necessary, it’s not yet dark out and I could use the walk to come up with a decent apology.” Josh’s eyes widened, impressed by Niall’s quick thinking._

_“Alright but if you’ll be walking than you better hurry on up.” Niall nodded and turned to Josh flicking his eyes to the window where the Devine’s backyard was before following Babs out the room._

_Ten minutes later Josh was climbing out his bedroom window and up the ladder of his and his brother Ben’s tree house with his down comforter draped around his shoulders like a cape and a pillow wedged under one of his arms. Niall let out a relieved breath at the sight of him._

_“Whew, didn’t know if you’d gotten my message or not.”  The brunette rolled his eyes, tossing the pillow at his face._

_“Only been best friends since we were two.”_

_“Yeah but we never discussed…” Josh shrugged._

_“So this is yer plan then? Hide out in my tree house? What happens when winter hits?”_

_“This is all I’ve got for now, I’ll deal with winter when it comes I suppose.” Josh just nodded._

_“I’ll bring more bedding when I can and food of course.”_

_“Thanks mate, you’re class A, you know that?”Josh rolled his eyes again._

_“I also just promised you_ food _so I’m not taking it too personal. I figured I’d meet ya at the bottom of the ladder tomorrow morning at around 5:15 so we can catch the bus to school, you alright with wearing that to school or you want to borrow something else?”_

_“Uh, actually I wasn’t planning on going to school.”_

_“Taking the day off then?”_

_“No, I’m just not going to school anymore J; I’m dropping out for good, might head into town to look for a job once you’re parents drive off.”_

_“Niall…” Josh started, but the younger boy cut him off._

_“Look you had better get back before you’re found out, we’ll talk more after ya get back from school. I also want to sneak back to my room for a few things.”_

_“You got the key?”_

_“Naw, planned to use the window if they haven’t gone and locked it yet.”_

_XXX_

_Niall doesn’t actually make it into town, after packing up as much clothes and things he deemed important enough in a duffle bag and grabbing up his backpack for the weekends he actually stayed in the house he made the trek back to the tree house. Josh doesn’t stop in to see him until close to bed time, climbing the ladder in just his sleep pants and sliding a plate piled high with chicken, rice and greens in front of him._

_“Cheers.” Niall just about moaned around a mouthful of food._

_They develop a routine after that and Mr. & Mrs. Devine are none the wiser until one afternoon Niall’s slept in late or else he would’ve heard the pitter patter of tiny feet on the ladder, would’ve noticed the loud gasp and even louder sound of feet running fast away from the tree house._

_But he didn’t hear any of that and before he knows it he is being shaken awake by a sullen Charles Devine frowning down at him. It turns out Little Ben had come up to the tree house looking for his magic kit he’d left there a while ago when he heard funny sounds that sort of reminded him of a dragon, he’d grabbed his trusty light saber and climbed the ladder to slay said dragon when he saw the piles of blankets and realized the sounds were actually snores he went and got his father to investigate._

_Needless to say he’s dragged into the house where he and Josh face the mother of all lectures and Josh is almost grounded for the rest of his life until Niall finally confesses it was all his idea that he’d never returned since having that row with his mother three weeks ago, told them that the reason for the fight was that his mother and Drew were set to be married and that he didn’t approve at all, thought his mother deserved better than that no good, nobody  who was basically just using her. Niall was surprised at how easily the lies fell from his lips but didn’t stop there._

_“She told me if I didn’t like it I could just leave, don’t think she actually thought I would but…I just can’t stay there now, please don’t make me!” Babs and Charles shared a look and much to Niall’s joy he saw their anger thaw to pity as finally Babs nodded._

_The next day, Thursday Babs sees Josh and Niall off to what she thinks is school but really Niall finds his way down to the seedier part of town so that there is less of a chance of running into someone he knows while not in school, keeping his eyes peeled for any_ help wanted _or_ now hiring _signs._

_He’s bent over tying his shoe minding his own business when it happens, a non-descript car rolls up next to him and a voice addresses him._

_“Hiya.” Niall stood up quickly, fearing he’s been caught playing hooky but when he doesn’t recognize the driver he relaxes once more and nods to him._

_“Hello.” He says back, noticing that the driver was a fairly attractive man in his mid twenties and wearing a dark navy sports coat, with a friendly smile. It was his eyes though that sent Niall's skin crawling, they reminded him so much of Drew’s…so damn hungry and Niall's body looked to be the only thing on the menu._

_The guy nods back, glancing around them quickly before pitching his voice low enough for only Niall to hear and asked him 'how much’. Niall thinks back to the first time Drew raped him, commenting on how he could do that for money...fuck men for dosh. It wasn't an ideal way to make money, he knew but he wanted to pay Josh and his family back for their kindness somehow and he was already used goods—at least this bloke wasn't bad to look at._

_Therefore against everything in him screaming at him how dangerous this was, how he was so much better than this…he shook these thoughts from his skull because no he really wasn't, he was ruined for anyone else who might come along, Drew had made good work of that so schooling his face into what he hoped resembled seductive, Niall leaned into the man's window and winked 'what exactly did ya have in mind love?'_

_When he climbs into the passenger seat, the driver offers him some whiskey from the back seat of which Niall gladly accepts._

_When Niall starts passing Mr. Devine cash over the dinner table Charles and Babs are confused until Niall tells them he’s found himself an after school job washing dishes in a restaurant downtown so that he could earn his keep. They congratulate him on his first job and hint at Josh to maybe do the same._

_He doesn't miss Josh's look of suspicion and sure enough that night while in bed his best friend pins him with a look and Niall ends up confessing to turning tricks for petty cash they cry together themselves to sleep._

_Whatever money Niall has left over he uses to buy alcohol, finding it ridiculously easy to find an adult willing to buy it for him, and before long he’s developed himself a drinking habit._

_It’s not long after that, that he’s arrested for soliciting an off duty police officer. He spends the night in jail and is slapped with a warning.  His mother is called and he is returned home._

_His mother is genuinely happy to see him, having been worried to death about him in his absence. She sobs knowing that he’d been selling his body to strange men for money all this time and Niall doesn’t bother to correct her._

_That night he ends up giving Drew a bloody nose when he tries to get his mouth on the blonde’s dick his first night back in the house. Afraid that their struggles will alert his Maura, the older boy lands a single blow to Niall’s eye making him see stars in retaliation, and whacks him hard in the mouth, the younger boy can already feel it bust and swell._

_He flees to the Devine’s once more this time he has proof in the form of a black eye and bloody lip. They refuse to let him return home and argue about whether or not to call the police. Babs thinks they should because this is clear child abuse, but Charles thinks it’s none of their business that if Niall wanted help he should be the one to go to the police. Babs opens her mouth to remind her husband that Niall is still only a_ child _when Niall interrupts them with big watery blue eyes._

_“Please don’t call the cops Babs, my mum she’s got no idea this has been happening, Drew beating me I mean and I don’t want her to get in trouble just let me stay with you yeah, I’ll pay my way like I have been and be a model kid just please, don’t involve the feds.” Mrs. Devine makes a strangled noise at hearing this abuse has been ongoing, but in the end she puts the phone down and grabs him to her instead for a tight hug._

_Niall wastes no time returning to the streets but he’s more careful this time, he’s got regular customers now so he sticks to them mostly but every once in a while he’ll pick up a new trick, it’s during one of these meetings with a small pudgy man with more hair curling out of his ears than on his head who offered him a good sum of money for Niall to fuck him so they’d parked in the parking lot of the local library in the darkest corner and climbed into the back seat. Niall had the guy on his hands and knees weeping already and Niall barely had two fingers in him when a flashlight suddenly shown in the window and an authoritative voice asked for them to ‘come out of the car with their hands up’._

_The judge isn’t so lenient on him the second time, giving Niall and Maura the choice of two options. He can either spend a year in a juvenile detention center or he can enroll in a rehabilitation school in Kent England. Niall’s choice is a rather easy one to make. He chooses Mount Serenity because it would take him far far away from Drew and yeah that also meant being far away from his mum and the Devine’s and most of all Josh but it was definitely the preferred option over Juevie._

_The day he arrives on the property it’s the Devine’s along with his mother who drop him off. He hugs them all tightly lingering with Josh longest of all. As he watches the car drive off, sure he’s a little sad but there’s also a great weight suddenly being lifted from his shoulders the smaller the taillights get._

  _Niall is probably the only kid in Mount Serenity history to actually look_ relieved _when his folks drive off, leaving him in Simon Cowell’s care. The older man has never been one to form attachments to the kids brought here or show any outward reaction, but even he can’t help but cluck his tongue at this and mentally curse whoever it was who could make this kid afraid of his own home, and silently vows to make sure he never has to go back there again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so that's the end of Niall's sad story whew...I survived it. Also I admit I sort of rushed this a bit towards the end but hopefully its not too awful? Let me know.
> 
> As always I would love to hear what you think of the story so far so comment maybe?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Just a few more disorders/drug use/issues revealed, please read responsibly.

“Mr. Horan, is everything alright?” Senorita Minogue asked from where she stood in the doorway of her classroom. Niall blinked wet eyelashes as he eased out of his reverie. He brought a hand up to his cheeks to find that he had started to cry sometime during his not so pleasant trip down memory lane. Wiping his face dry he cleared his throat before planting a huge, phony smile on his face as he turned to address his Spanish instructor.

“More than Senorita, I’ll just be off to my counseling session with Cher now.”  He assured her already moving toward the building’s exit.

XXX

Harry burst out the Academic’s Building like a bat out of hell, nearly knocking Louis on his arse in his wake. The slighter boy’s eyes widened as the two collided and he had just enough time to grab a hold of Harry’s broad shoulders in an effort to stay on his feet.

“Crikey Curls, where’s the bloody fire?” Harry composed himself, finally noticing Louis standing there.

“Erm nowhere? I’m just headed back to my room to relax a little before dinner.”

“Sounds like a plan, only I thought I could take ya round to fetch your textbooks and whatnot before?”

“Oh, yeah alright cheers mate.” Louis made a show of sighing, holding a hand to his chest.

“Ah, yes I’m such the selfless humanitarian I am, Mother Teresa ain’t got nothing on the Tommonator.” He took a humble bow before looping his arm through Harry’s which was becoming a familiar way for the two of them to get around it seemed and dragged the younger boy towards the administrator’s office.

After receiving all his required books the two boys headed for the boy’s dorms and parted ways to their respective rooms.  Using his key Harry entered his room, not surprised to see nary a hair of his roommate, the only evidence that he had even stopped by after classes was the discarded varsity jacket the darker boy had been sporting earlier strewn on the end of his bed. Harry quickly stacked his newly acquired texts neatly onto his desk and sat on his bed, powering up his laptop.

Harry typed his password in and double clicked the Google Chrome desktop icon, grinning when the three desired homepages automatically popped up. _Yahoo!_ , his blog, and _Pandora_ , he bopped his head without headphones for once as ‘Trojans’ by Atlas Genius started up, he grinned at the irony that this had literally been the last band they he’d hyped and recc’d on his indie blog: _SobloodyHipster_ before he was sent up here and he was actually dying to know what his blogger friends and followers thought of them.

He clicked on the _Yahoo!_ tab instead however and smiled at the twenty or so alerts that people had commented on his latest blog entry, he couldn’t wait to talk to them again, he may not have had any real life friends but he was sort of a big deal online and wasn’t the least bit ashamed to admit it. His eyes skimmed the familiar names of blog titles and even noticed a few new followers; he stopped on a new email sent just four minutes ago from an unfamiliar email address: LookafterLou@hotmail.com with the subject Boo :)

Harry immediately knew the email was from Louis after that and opened it curiously. Louis had asked for his email the night before at dinner after almost killing the taller boy by asking him to friend him on facebook. Harry had almost choked on a string bean before blushing and admitting that he didn’t have one.

“Don’t really need it.” He reminded quietly and the older boy at least had the decency to look embarrassed when he remembered. Ever the quick thinker Louis had thrown an arm over Harry’s shoulder grinning across at Liam.

“Oh that’s right our Hazza here was much too busy to bother with something as trivial as social media, but I’m afraid you’ll need one now since you’re pretty much stuck within the confines of this place and with us not being allowed a cellphone you might want to keep in touch with Mary or anyone else from back home. We’ll get it all sorted sooner or later.” Liam who had mostly  been sneaking glances at Ed through most of Louis’ little speech, simply nodded and made the shorter boy promise to make sure Harry friended him.

Louis had settled for taking Harry’s email down and warning the younger boy to be on the lookout for a message from him. Which Harry had completely forgotten to do until that exact moment. He opened the email to read:

**You really need to make a facebook mate, because this is rubbish don't think I’ve used email in an age! Anyway just wanted to tell you we're all meeting in Liam's room before dinner tonight so yeah, be there or be square. We'll sort this whole facebook thing out tonight after we eat.**

**Love,**

**Lou xx**

 

A couple hours later Harry finds himself knocking on Liam’s door, weary of the fact that he has yet to meet the older boy’s roommate. Never the less when Liam calls “It’s open!” Harry doesn’t hesitate in twisting the knob in his hand. 

He’s fully aware that he’s a little early but after replying to all his blogger friends and browsing a few of his favorite blogs’ most recent posts, he’d grown bored because Zayn still had yet to show face which was a little worrying if on a smaller scale.

Not to mention the obnoxious way his stomach was growling he felt the walk down to Liam’s room would take his mind off the fact that he was near famished.

When he enters the room he quickly realizes he’s the first of their group to arrive and that Liam’s roommate much like his was m.i.a. Liam turns in his desk chair to smile widely at him, spreading his arms wide enough to encompass the entire room.

“Welcome to my humble abode, though I’m sure it doesn’t look much different than your own.”  Harry raised an amused eyebrow and nodded; glancing around the room curiously it did look identical to his and Zayn’s room only with more pictures and Jay-Z and Beckham posters on the wall above the bed. They lapse into an awkward silence for lack of something to say, until Liam is suddenly smiling at him again.

“So Lou said that he’s told you about me…before I came here…” Harry opens his mouth to defend Louis, admit that he’d practically begged him to tell, but Liam cut him off with a shake of his head.

“It’s _ok_ , I’m not exactly like everyone else around here, sharing their story for a reaction, but you’re a friend now and I like that you know. To be honest I probably never would’ve been able to tell you myself so…” He shrugs bashfully, surprising Harry by perking up suddenly and asking:

“Wanna see my scars?” And he really kind of does, he noticed the older boy always wore long sleeved shirts and never rolled them up, even when they were practically dragging through his food sometimes, so he nods and Liam makes quick work of rolling the sleeves of his navy jumper up to reveal several white slightly raised scars, some short and others going almost all the way around the older boy’s arm.

Harry bit his lips because he knew the pain Liam must’ve felt at losing his brother, that the pain the razor had cut into his skin was nothing in comparison. He still reached a hand out to gently trace a finger over a particularly ragged line. Liam’s breath hitched as he too bit his lips, reading the understanding in the taller boy’s eyes.

“I’m not usually so casual about sharing my scars with others but Ed says I should try and make a habit of doing it more often, he says it’s like taking the power away from them by showing I’m not ashamed of them.” He rolled his eyes before continuing.

“Which is complete rubbish because of cos I’m ashamed of them; they’re evidence of my weakness, of my failure to…” Harry’s touch turned harder, his finger digging into the soft skin of Liam’s forearm to stop him from finishing that thought, his features hard as he fixed him with a look.

“Don’t you dare finish that thought Liam.”

“But…”

“Is that him? Your brother?”  Harry asked nodding to a framed photo sat on the desk (of a tall boy with long dirty blonde hair with his arm wrapped around a grinning much younger Liam with wavy hair that sort of reminded Harry of his own) and abruptly changing the subject.

“Huh? Oh yeah that’s Andy. After he won the game against our rival school…it was such a good game we won all thanks to him.”

“He looks like he really loved you; you can see the pride in his eyes.” Liam looked at him at that, confusion clearly written on his face.

“But it was _him_ Haz; he’d won the game not _me_ if anything I was the proud one.” Harry shook his head firmly.

“I have no doubt that you adored your brother, that’s what I gather from _your_ expression but he’s beaming down at you like you invented string cheese or something.” If anything Liam’s confusion deepened

“String cheese?” Harry shrugged helplessly.

“It’s my one weakness.” _That and flirty blonde Irishman_ he thought, but he kept that last fact to himself and instead turned his attention to the only other framed photo on Liam’s desk.

A picture taken around a camp fire where Ed sat with his guitar in his lap, singing passionately with his eyes closed and there was Liam on the log nearest to him looking on with stars in his eyes. Liam followed Harry’s eyes to the second photo and a pink tinge immediately began working its way up his neck.

“Erm that was taken this past summer at the end of July BBQ…have you had the chance to hear Ed sing yet?” Harry shook his head, smiling at the way Liam’s face lit up at the mention of the ginger and without thinking he blurted:

 

“He really means a lot to you huh?” Liam is quiet for a moment, not knowing how much he should say, but then he’s smiling big and bright as he nods shyly and launches into the story of him first coming to Mount Serenity and falling for Ed almost instantly.

 

“The day I arrived I remember being so resigned and bitter as I imagine most of us were, no one actually _wants_ to be here but knowing there's nothing you can really do about it, you just kind of have to grit your teeth and bare it—the inevitable you know…”

 

 _Liam remembers his first day, he’d been scared and out of sorts and feeling so utterly alone after his parents drove off and everyone here just seemed so cold as they pretty much completely ignored him. Then he’d seen_ him _, this quiet ginger sitting in the corner of the main lobby with a guitar in his lap which he strummed idly, staring off into space. Liam thought he looked half way normal and decided to approach him._

_“What’re you in for mate?”  The ginger startled noticing Liam for the first time he paused his strumming for only a heart’s beat before finally registering what Liam had said and a small ghostly smile curved its way onto his lips as he again stopped playing to push the baggy sleeves of his orange hoodie up, revealing old scars._

_“Suicide?” Liam gasped, now knowing exactly what had drawn him to the other boy. The guitarist nodded his head once and resumed his playing._

_“Three years strong without cutting.”_

_“Wow that’s great congratulations.” Liam’s smile faded though when he realized just how long the boy must’ve been stuck here then._

_“God three years in this place? Surly you must know where to get erm,_ something _to make the time here bearable.” The ginger frowned; taking in Liam’s words he bit his lip and sighed, shaking his head._

 _“Yeah I_ did _, it’s not too hard to find a supplier around here believe it or not, but I mean you know that shit isn’t going to solve anything right?”Liam rolled his eyes, not remembering asking this chap for any anti-drug advocacy._

_“What’re you gonna tell me your three years sober as well?” He said it in jest but the other boy just nodded._

_“As a matter of fact I am.”_

_“Oh.”Liam whispered meekly avoiding the short boy’s crystalline stare._

_“Might could lose my job, you know during random drug tests.” Liam’s head shot up at this, in surprise._

_“Your_ job _?” At this point the ginger stood, setting his guitar to the side, he opened his mouth to speak when a near frantic woman covered in tattoos came breezing in._

_“Hey Ed, I’m gonna need you to help calm Biebs down, says he’s going to peel his own skin off if he doesn’t get a fix…” Ed sighed out and nodded._

_“I’ll be there in a sec Cher.” With that she was gone and Liam was left to stare wide eyed at the other man’s profile._ Ed _bit his lip and offered Liam a sheepish smile._

_“Welcome to Mount Serenity, name’s Ed and I’m one of 24 counselor/mentors here to help you through your recovery.” Liam flushed from his neck to the tips of his ears_

_“But…” He gestured down to Ed’s now hidden wrists._

_“I was a student here once…so I_ know _ok? I know how things go and believe me it’s not as bad as it seems right now. But I’m here for you alright, for whatever you need,_ wheneve _r. We’re all here to help you ok?” Liam rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest, he let out a skeptical huff of breath turning away from Ed, betrayed._

 _“Here we go, with the recycled tripe that you probably tell to every new arrival.” He’d thought Ed was different_ one of them _but just like with everything else Liam was met with disappointment._

 _He’d expected that to be the end of it, Ed had another troubled youth to attend to after all but to his shock Liam felt a warm hand on his shoulder and he turned to be met with a clear set of blue eyes, eyes he could easily find himself falling into, eyes he_ wanted _to be able to trust._

_“Anything, right?” And there it went, all of Liam’s reserve and reason because he knew it then just as well as he knew it now he’d fallen hopelessly and foolishly in love with the counselor. As Ed turned to leave Liam was surprised to hear himself call after the other boy’s retreating back._

_“Hey Ed.” The ginger turned his head but otherwise remained facing away._

_“Yeah?”_

_“I’m Liam, by the way.” Liam would’ve loved nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow him whole, but little blessings such as those did not come to Liam usually and it looked like now would be no exception._

_But to Liam’s shock the other boy just smiled, closing his eyes for a second as if committing this new information to memory.  And all at once he was smiling at him._

_“Nice to meet you Liam.” With that he was gone and Liam could only stand there staring at the last place Ed stood before rounding the corner. He was so screwed._

Harry opened his mouth to comment when the door to the room suddenly slammed open with Niall and Louis practically falling into the room as the two boys were locked in a tickle war.

“Liam, mate… _help_.” The blonde gasped between musical giggles. Louis squawked at the very thought.

“Oh no, if he helps ya then Harry will no doubt jump to my aide, ain’t that right curly?” The slight boy said, his words also coming out a little labored.

“Leave us out of that mess.” Liam warned, and it was then the two red-faced boys looked over to them, noticing Harry’s hand or rather the fact that it was still rubbing soothingly at Liam’s exposed scars.

“Whoa, are we interrupting something here?” Louis asked, looking pointedly at Harry’s hand. Dropping his own from Niall’s sides and calling a silent truce. Harry thought he saw a shadow fall over the blonde at the sight but in a blink it was gone, leaving the green-eyed boy to believe he’d imagined it at all.

The two boys quickly broke apart then, laughing nervously and muttering ‘of course not’ as they both made their way to join the others at the door so they could head down to the cafeteria for dinner.

With Liam and Louis leading the way, alternately giving each other noogies while Harry and Niall trailed behind. Harry really didn't know what to say to the blonde because it seemed every encounter they had somehow turned sexual and he was trying to avoid that, _trying_ being the operative word, but the other boy was making it exceedingly difficult.

Even now Harry could feel Niall's eyes darting all over his body like a laser pointer, but it wasn't until he felt the barely there touch to the curve of his ass that he jumped, turning to Niall and frowning at the boy’s conspicuous look of innocence.

Luckily they arrived at the caf then and Niall's attention was effortlessly transferred to his first and only love _food_. After filling their trays with food, or a fat-free jello and a handful of grapes in Louis’ case. Which Liam had of course frowned at, spurring him to make an extra sloppy joe for Louis just in case, he always did and it almost always went in the garbage by the end of dinner but he’d never stop trying.

During the meal Louis decides to point out other students and reveal their issues much to Liam's disapproval, he hated gossiping.

“So you know about Jade and Jesy’s eating disorders but did ya know that their friend Leigh-Anne is in here for being a sixteen year old nympho…it’s true I’ve heard she masturbates religiously any chance she gets—much to poor little Jade her roomie’s displeasure. It would be one thing if Leigh was constantly kicking the girl out of their room to do the deed, but she doesn’t even bother! Jade will literally walk into the room or wake up to the sight of Leigh with her hand of the buzzer if you get my meaning, has even asked Jade to give her a hand a time or two but I’m pretty sure Jade’s got a not-so-secret thing for Perrie. “

“Speaking of the purple haired minx, you know what she’s in for?” Harry coughed into his fist uncomfortably.

“Uh, Zayn might’ve mentioned a clothes hanger?” Louis nodded, sadly.

“Yeah she’d done that but that’s not all, being blonde, blue-eyed and having Zayn’s devotion ain’t the only thing that girl shares with our boy Niall here…she’s also a chronic alcoholic although I _suppose_ Niall’s at least got the excuse that he’s Irish.”  Niall shrugged because it was true and stuffed a handful of fries in his mouth at once.

“See those rather attractive twins sitting over by Conor yeah? Well the one in the red striped shirt is Jack he’s in here for abusing prescription pills, he’d stolen his mum Xanax and he claims to be a nympho like Leigh but I’m pretty much convinced he’s just an old fashioned everyday slut, oh he’s also Liam’s roommate so I’m supposed to pretend to like him but.” He paused to stage-whisper:

“I can’t bloody stand the git.”

“His brother in the green polo is Finn, you know the pillock I keep getting stuck with in French, yeah he’s in for huffing and drinking cough syrup like its Gatorade.” Nodding to a table occupied by four tough looking lads, Louis tossed a grape up in the air and caught it in his mouth.

“There’s this small group of blokes I’ve neglected to mention because in all honesty nobody likes them, you’re new friend with the impressive bait and tackle Tom he’s a part of the group, they call themselves the wanted which is a laugh…they couldn’t even get Jack to bend over for them, I’m sure and he’ll seriously fuck a fire hydrant.”

“Louis!” Liam warned, feeling a slight urge to defend his roomie. Louis rolled his eyes.

“Right well there’s also Max the skin head with the strangely huge eyes he’s in for anger issues he’s got quite the temper, him and Zayn are almost always at it together and I won’t be the least bit surprised when they finally get into it one of these days, it ought to be a laugh. Next to him is Jay he’s got curls sort of like yours only his looks more greasy then herbal essence shine like your own. He’s in for doing whippits.” At Harry’s look of confusion he elaborated.

“It’s you know, when you inhale the nitrous oxide out a whipped cream canister? Well after years of prolonged use he’s lost himself so many brain cells that I believe he’s honestly too stupid for regular school anyhow. That brings us to the baby of their group Nathan he’s actually the tamest of them and not altogether hard on the eyes, he’s got a severe case of OCD though, I actually contemplated hooking up with him when I first arrived until he basically told me I’d have to bleach my skin first…like _seriously_.”

Louis continued pointing people out most of who were in for either violence or substance abuse incidents. He was in the middle of telling Harry about Taylor and her bipolar disorder when he suddenly noticed their table had an audience of one and nudged Niall under the table with the toe of his Toms.

“Looks like your biggest fan is staring again, practically could drown us all in that drool dripping down his chin he could.” Niall rolled his eyes, shrugging and not even bothering to look and see who Louis was talking about. The older boy clucked his tongue.

"It's rather sad really."

"Is that what you think of me as well then?" Liam asked suddenly. Louis shot him a dubious look.

"Don't be daft, Niall's made it perfectly clear he's _not interested_ that's what makes him sad while our valiant sir Edward of Sheer-ran has not only never discouraged your little infatuation but  actually goes out of his way to be _around_ you, touch you, tease you...it's forbidden romance at its finest Romeo and Juliet have got nothing on _LiEd_.”

"LiEd?" Liam asked, around a mouthful of sloppy joe goodness.

"It's your ship name, love” The eldest boy groaned, regretting ever having asked.

"Oh god not this again."

"Ship name?" Harry asked, having just swallowed his own bite of his loose meat sandwich. He’s surprised when Niall reaches a thumb over to wipe a glob of sauce from the corner of his mouth and unabashedly lick it off his digit. Louis just looked on in amusement before answering Harry’s question.

"Yes me and Aiden started it a few weeks ago where we pair people off together and then make up a relation _ship_ name for them by squishing their names together like Brangelina and Kimye.”

“Ah so like you and Haz would be Larry Styinson or something?” Liam quipped, making Louis crow at the suggestion.

 “Oh nonono it's so Narry Storan if anything.” Niall snorted.

“Storan? There is nothing sexy about _Storan_...”Harry couldn't help but squirm uncomfortably at being shipped while he was sitting right there and given no say in the matter.

“I know what ship Bieber sails.” Liam spoke up suddenly and the other three turned to him curiously.

“ _Jiall_.” The entire table groaned.

“Naw mate, some people just don’t know how to exchange innocent banter, I mean you know me I flirt a little bit and with Justin he just took it to heart or summat and has been on my dick ever since.” Harry frowned at that, thinking maybe Niall was just doing the same with him.

XXX

Once they were done eating the boys went their separate ways all except for Louis who once again followed Harry to his, once inside he gets to work creating a facebook page for Harry adding all the people he thinks are important from his own friends list including Stan from back home and his eldest sister Lottie.

He even begrudgingly searches Zayn’s name and adds him as well the more decent members of his 'crew' including Perrie. He leaves soon after that claiming that he’d promised to facebook chat his sisters tonight.

Right before bed Harry is shocked when some kids from his high school friend request him, apparently getting sent to a teenage rehab for fucking your step mother gave you instant cool points?

When Zayn finally returns to their room just shy of lights out Harry has already finished unpacking, brushed his teeth and stripped to just his pants for bed. The older boy grabs his toiletries bag and leaves, returning minutes later to flip the light off and Harry notices he hadn't bothered to take a change of clothes into the bathroom with him this time.

"This is my room too yeah, so I reckon I can change here without you gawking at my hot bod right?" Harry snorted rather loudly at that.

"You _are_ pretty hot Zayn, but I’ll try to contain myself."

"Ta much." The darker boy countered and stripped down to his pants, leaving the clothes on the floor he slipped under his covers.

"I usually sleep completely nude anyhow.” Harry commented offhandedly, earning a short chuckle from the other side of the room.

"That's cool mate, it's not like I’m going to wake up to the blinding sun reflecting off your pale ass cheeks one of these mornings am I? You do sleep under the covers yeah?” Harry had to laugh at this, nodding then remembering it was probably too dark for Zayn to see he said:

 "That I do so no need to worry about blindness.” A weighted silence fell over them until Harry turned onto his side facing Zayn's side of the room.

He noticed the older boy was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, waiting. Harry cleared his throat pointedly and Zayn sighed, nodding at if he'd been expecting it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, 2 updates in just 2 days? 
> 
> Yeah IDEK, but i'm not complaining. This might've come off a little like filler but I don't think so, and there's a little Liam/Ed development happening which gives me the happy :)
> 
> Please feel free to let me know how you feel about this so far.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Usual Warnings Apply!!!**
> 
> So I half ass attempted a blowjob scene and then punked out at the last minute i am sorry but i just suck at bj scenes, like honest I do so hopefully it's not too disappointing and I promise to give it a better try next time ok?

“I was never even a bad kid, not really anyway…”

XXX

_He was just always **assumed** to be bad by authoritative figures just because he’s smoked cigarettes and weed since he was eleven years old and was quite fond of his worn leather jacket that had once belonged to his late granddad but did that really justify calling him **bad?** Before getting involved with Jay Sean and the Downtown Dukes the most trouble Zayn had ever found himself in was when he was picked up for tagging the side of a Mickey D’s to which he had to serve a total of fifty-six hours of community service. _

_He was only twelve at the time and it was his first offense so he probably could’ve gotten off with just a warning and maybe a slap on the wrist, but he’d been carrying  and the bud was something the judge couldn’t look passed  so that’s when he threw the community service hours at him._

_His parents however were another story. They had grown wary of Zayn and his fascination with fire; from a very young age he’d been mesmerized by the flickering glow of its blaze. From not wanting to blow out the candles of his birthday cake, because he didn’t want to **kill it mummy** , to reaching out and touching the flame of the stove’s pilot, he’d been burned of course he was only human after all, but to Tricia’s horror he had barely flinched at the pain, sort of smirked, wiggling his fingers a little he giggled when he made the fire dance, he had only been eight years old. _

_Things only got worse from there. When he gets expelled from his second school in six months for setting a Chem lab on fire, the only reason he wasn’t arrested that time was that his public defendant had convinced the judge that the incident was an easy enough mistake to make given the circumstances, that and the fact that both his parents had remained mum about his previous encounters with fire._

_From then on Zayn keeps his fire play on the down low, spending most of his Freshman year of high school satisfying his pyro yearnings by disappearing with his two best mates twin brothers Danny and Ant into the woods where he would set leaves on fire or send a flaming lily pad floating down the lake to see how long it took before the water finally extinguished it, It was Ant’s idea to move all of Zayn’s fire play near the water so that the blaze never grew out of hand and started a forest fire or something, much to Zayn’s dismay but he’d sighed and agreed because it did make sense._

_It’s mid-school year when Zayn notices Danny sort of pulling away from Ant and himself, he was always vanishing sometimes for whole days without a word and the few times he was around all he ever seemed to talk about was this dude he was growing quite chummy with who had graduated from their school just a couple of years earlier and sold them quality weed._

_His name was Jay Sean and Zayn would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit worried about his friend’s new association with the rumored gang leader and then he sees them standing close one day, separated only by the chain link fence of their school’s outdoor basketball court, they’re whispering about god only knew what but for reasons Zayn hadn’t yet known about he finds himself becoming exceedingly jealous of their lack of personal space and without thinking he’s suddenly stomping over to the two. Danny lit up at his presence and made quick work of introducing them._

“You see I was never really that big on being in a gang is the thing, I’d done it all for Danny because he was my best mate—even more than Ant who wasn’t really like us you know he was a good kid went to most of his classes and was doing well in them too, he had his head on straight oh so my dad always used to say when he compared us. Me and Danny though, were more alike, liked to take our walks on the dangerous side of town if you know what I mean?

So my loyalties to the Downtown Dukes didn’t run all that deep, which might seem hard to believe given the fact that I’m in here because of them but just hear me out…”  Zayn rose up onto his elbows so that they could make eye contact.

“Danny had taken being in a gang _very_ seriously and I absolutely hated the way he would look at Jay…as if the wanker had hung the moon in the sky just for him or some rot, he considered being a Duke to be a right honor and I didn’t even have the heart to roll my eyes at him because I could tell he wasn’t taking the piss so after being introduced to Jay that first time during P.E. I was instantly recruited, much to Danny’s delight I swear the joy on his face was almost enough to make it worth it… _almost_.

I didn’t exactly see the novelty of being in a gang, to me it just seemed like a bunch of kids from shitty neighborhoods acting and talking tough as they fought over ‘territory’ if anything came out of it for me though, it gave me the opportunity to work on my tagging, coming up with new designs to spray paint my allegiance to the DDs all across town.”

The darker boy shrugged, lying back down with eyes fixed on the ceiling as he was transported back to that day, the night his life was altered forever.

“Everything changes though when a member of our rival gang the Rizzle Kicks fucked up our youngest member Chipmunk, the gang leader Jordan ‘Rizzle’ Stephens was the one to do the honors even though Chip’s jaw had been swollen shut Jay had found out who was responsible because the bloody tosser went around town bragging about it, can you imagine a nineteen year old man shooting his mouth off about beating the pulp out of an eleven year old. It’s sick, is what it is.

Jay of course figured retaliation was immediately in order and even though I hadn’t been in the gang more than a month he sent me to their meeting spot, an old abandoned warehouse by the town bridge to burn it to the ground. So that night I walked right up to the building, dark as anything and lit up a cigarette while I decided how best to do it, I was nearing the end of my fag when I realized the perfect way, sure it was a little anticlimactic but it would get the job done and fast so without much thought I flicked my still lit cigarette butt into an open window.

I grinned, watching as within minutes smoke tendrils began curling their way up and out the window to me, the butt must’ve ignited on some dust or summat, so it wasn’t long after that I saw the flames and I couldn’t help the gleeful laughter that bubbled out of me, I don’t know what it is about fire but it captivates me and even to this day I can get a boner like no one else after lighting one.”  

Zayn paused to glance over at Harry, to gauge his reaction so far. The younger boy laid on his side facing him still, eyes wide and he looked just a tad bit nervous like he somehow already knew what was coming but still needed to hear it said from Zayn’s own lips. Knowing there was no turning back now Zayn nodded to himself and trudged on.

“I was laughing so loud in fact that I almost _missed it_ , the blood curling scream that came from inside and that’s when I stopped and began to panic because there wasn’t supposed to _be_ anyone inside that night, the Rizzle Kicks’ meeting was scheduled for the next morning Danny had it planned out perfectly I was to burn their warehouse down and in the morning they’d be devastated when they found their ‘spot’ little more than char and ashes. But apparently Sly, Rizzle’s right hand man had stopped off from a house party to avoid his parents’ judgment as he slept off the night’s hangover.”

Zayn’s mouth was so dry that his throat literally made a sick clicking noise as he tried to swallow repeatedly, trying to stop the bile that threatened to come up when Sly’s screams once again began echoing in his mind, as if it were only yesterday that this tragedy took place.

The nightmares had only just subsided a month ago and he really hoped by rehashing for Harry’s benefit he didn’t undo all of the progress Ellie, his counselor swore he was making, though Zayn didn’t feel _progressed_ but he’d taken her word for it, if the nightmares did return however and he woke up to the sound of his own screams then it served Harry right for his foolish curiosity.

“My eyes must’ve resembled saucers as I realized who that scream belonged to and it wasn’t like I wanted him or anyone dead—I may be a lot of things but I am _not_ a murderer, but I was also a fifteen year old kid who was scared shitless and didn’t want to get caught so I did the only thing I could think of I ran. I got as far the nearest pay phone where I made an anonymous call to 911 about the fire, even mentioned hearing someone trapped inside so that the fire trucks would book it, before taking off again. I ran until my lungs burned and my legs wouldn’t carry me any longer but thankfully I’d made it to my destination.

Climbing the trellis at the side of the Riach’s house like I was oft to do, I crawled across the roof to Danny’s bedroom window and pulled it up enough to slip inside. Danny sat up startled until he saw it was only me and then did a double take when he saw my stricken face. That’s when I realized I’d begun to cry sometime during my sprint.  My lip began to wobble as I tried to speak, but my words were broken and choppy with panic and emotion.

“He…I…in the…he’s in there…. _screams_.” I could see I wasn’t making much sense so I stumbled over to the bed and he caught me just in time for me to collapse. Danny held me without question, just rocking me in his arms and rubbing soothing circles into the small of my back it was nice and helped calm me enough that I was able to tell him what happened tonight with minimal stuttering.

“Sly, he was in the warehouse but I didn’t _know_ , I _didn’t_ know, _I didn’t know_.” I kept repeating this, like a mantra I couldn’t stop it, it was like I’d lost all control over my mouth, finally Danny shut me up the only way he could think of, by pressing his lips to mine, it did the trick. And without warning I took over the kiss, lapping into his shocked mouth with a fervor I hadn’t even known I possessed. After kissing for a bit we both kind of just pulled apart panting and I’m not ashamed to admit that had been my first kiss. I was fifteen alight? We sort of just sat there staring at on another confused, or at least I was. When Danny finally did speak it wasn’t exactly what I had expecting:

_“Don’t worry about Sly yeah, I’m sure the firemen have gotten him out by now and you didn’t know none of us **did** …he’ll be alright.”_

I believed him, foolish as it sounds Danny could’ve told me he was running for Prime Minister or something just as farfetched and I might’ve believed that too as ridiculous as it sounds but I guess love will make you do some pretty dumb things yeah? I didn’t know it until just before I ended up here but I was in love with him, had been for a while and was just too young to realize.”

Harry’s eyes threatened to pop out of his head they were so wide and bugged out, but he remained silent. He’d honestly thought Zayn was straight—hell Liam and Lou even thought so and they’d known him a lot longer than he had, but his roommate was apparently bisexual, unless Danny had been a rare love and was the only boy Zayn ever fancied, Harry believed in that kind of  stuff you could blame it on the lack of love in his life like at home and the fact that he’d never even been on a proper date, or done anything with someone his own age so all his thoughts and view on love mostly came from romance novels. Zayn inhaled sharply, reminding Harry to focus.

“We got to spend a week together after that night, a whole blissful seven days before the police showed up and tore me from his arms. Sly had survived but suffered third degree burns; they quickly traced the fire back to me through DNA, thanks to the saliva on the cigarette butt. I was charged with first degree arson and attempted homicide, the only reason I’m not in jail right now is because Sly didn’t press charges god bless him, he knew me well enough to know I’d never do that, I mean our gangs were just a means to an end we were all just dumb kids with too much time on our hands fighting over territory to sell weed at.

The judge was tempted to send me to juvie for the arson alone but my public attorney was good and convinced him to send me here to _Mount Serenity_ instead where I would get help in learning how to manage my disorder…that was the first time anyone had ever called it that, a _disorder_ , you hear about pyromaniacs and you don’t want to believe it’s anything more than an excuse for some arsehole to set things on fire and create ruin, but speaking from experience it’s legit you know, I’m honestly compelled to start fires when given the chance, like it’s almost out of my hands, I get hypnotized by the amber glow.”

The room grew still after that, the only sound being their breathing and those damn nature sounds from outside the windows, Zayn didn’t know if telling his story had helped alleviate any fear Harry might’ve had after his friends mentioned his attempted homicide rap, like he hoped it would but the other boy wasn’t fleeing from the room and demanding to be moved to another dorm so Zayn took that as the small blessing it was, his eyelids were beginning to droop a little as he waited for some kind of reaction whether it be good or bad even he’d take anything over this silent stare thing Harry was shooting him.

“How is Sly doing now?” Zayn was so caught off guard by this that before he could stop it a nervous laugh escaped his lips, he quickly slapped a palm over his mouth belatedly.

“Better he’s still in the burn victim’s ward but he’s recently begun physical therapy and keeps me updated when he can through email and even through snail mail a couple of times. I’ve got a seven page apology that I wrote him the day after my sentencing when I’d found out that he’d opted not to press charges. I can’t bring myself to send it though I…”

“It’s alright, he knows, he would’ve watched you go to jail without a word if he didn’t _know_ and definitely wouldn’t be keeping in touch with you.”

“Yeah you’re right but it didn’t stop them.”

“ _Them?”_

“The nightmares, I used to barely get any sleep between tossing and turning because of those bloody crickets and being woken up multiple times throughout the night by my own screams as that night replayed itself over and over in my mind. I apologize now if they return tonight, I haven’t really thought about what I’d done in depth like this in quite a while; our neighbors might kill you tomorrow morning for it.”

“Well fuck them! And don’t worry about me I can handle myself.” He made a show of puffing out his chest in an effort to look intimidating, and it might’ve worked too if he didn’t look like a tall, gangly, not to mention _male_ version of Shirley Temple.

“Yeah alright, we’d better get to sleep now we’ve got a busy day tomorrow, have group therapy to look forward to, yippee.”  Zayn mock cheered, rolling onto his side and fluffing up his pillow slightly. Harry made a confused noise causing Zayn to open his eyes.

“Group therapy?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah this entire school is real keen on sharing your feelings, so in addition to the mandatory by weekly one on one therapy sessions, Simon leads a group therapy session of about ten kids each once a month and lucky you, you’re second day here lands on the one day a month that this happens.”

“Are they really that bad?”

“Eh, no worse than regular therapy only during these you have to sit around and listen to others whine rather than doing all the whining yourself and it can get quite tedious as you sort of have to pretend to care about the others a bit, oh and each group session ends in a round of kumbaya.” Zayn somehow managed to say the last big with a straight face causing the younger boy to choke on his own laughter.

“Are you serious?” The darker boy thought about drawing the joke out further but honestly he was just too bloody knackered to do, so he shook his head instead. Harry let out a relieved sigh.

“Oh so any chance I’ll be put in your group or?”

“Sorry mate my group’s all full up and Simon doesn’t usually assign more than ten but come to think of it, it wouldn’t surprise me if ‘ol Si did put you in with us given that the big guy’s most likely seen you and Tomlinson getting’ so cozy, which doesn’t usually happen with the ice queen so I reckon he’d not want to split the two of you up, because that’s how Cowell works. He’s been trying to get Tomlinson to actually talk in one of the meetings since I first arrived, but no dice maybe you can be what changes that?”

“So Louis’ in your group then?”

“Yeah, just my luck innit?” Harry rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore the slight and mentally making a note to ask Louis what the deal was between the two of them. Zayn yawned obnoxiously, his eyelids falling shut as if there were weights attached to them.

“Night, Zayn and uh thanks for sharing.”

“Sure, no problem…” Harry turned onto his stomach, ready to drift off when Zayn whispered one last thing:

“Ay, Haz maybe you could do the same sometime yeah?”

“Yeah maybe.” The green-eyed boy thought that would be the end but then Zayn spoke again:

“I mean about the _other_ _stuff_ not just the drugs.” Harry’s breath hitched; because how the fuck did Zayn know about…

“Whatever it is, it can’t be as bad as almost _killing_ someone right, so I can’t exactly judge you, not that I would but, you can trust me yeah?” With that he finally surrendered the battle to keep his eyes open and within minutes Harry heard faint snores coming from the darker boy’s side of the room.

XXX

The next morning Harry awoke before his alarm even went off and stretched his arms up over his head, feeling more refreshed than he has in months. He quickly went about his morning routine now that he wasn’t being rushed by Zayn like he had been the previous day. He was showered and dressed in no time, shaking his head at the motionless lump that was Zayn before grabbing up his messenger bag and heading to the cafeteria to meet with _Lilo_ (he mentally snickered to himself and vowed to never actually say that out loud) for breakfast. Liam and Louis were pleasantly surprised to have his company that morning. Louis even went so far as to rub his eyes in shock.

“Curls, you can in fact get up?”

“Told ya, oh yee of little faith.” Louis pulled an impressed face.

“So it would seem.”

“Well glad to have you.” Liam interrupted what could’ve quickly turned into a battle of who can have the last line, knowing Louis like he did.

“I see you’ve gone for the blueberry muffin, excellent choice that or so Liam keeps telling me.”

“I’m serious Lou, Agnes may not much know her way around a kitchen but her muffins are incredible.” Harry nodded around a mouthful of muffin in agreement. Louis just made a face at that because Betty Crocker herself could’ve made the soddin’ things and he still wouldn’t want a single bite. He decided not to mention it though and changed the subject instead:

“Do you know who you have for a counselor yet Harry?”

“No, not yet where do I go to find out?”

“Silly bugger it’s on the back of your class program with your locker number, combination as well as the time and day your therapy sessions are held.” The taller boy blushed; thinking he probably should’ve known that and quickly dug into his bag for the desired slip of paper.

“I bet it’s either Nick or Ed because they were the two Simon brought along to help unload Harry’s car when he arrived, which is pretty much Simon’s M.O, isn’t that right Lou?” The smaller boy nodded.

“Yep, that’s how I got stuck with Greg.” Louis pouted, but the way his eyes twinkled with betrayed his words and Harry knew Louis actually held quite a fondness for his given counselor. Pulling out his schedule he turned it over and smiled.

“Looks like Liam nailed it and I have a meeting with Nicholas Grimshaw every Wednesday after classes let out.” Liam nodded.

“That’s usually when all therapy sessions are met, unless it’s an emergency and you just need some counsel off the clock then you can either show up at their office whenever you want or at the very least have the head secretary Aimee contact him or the first available counselor for you.”

“Speaking of counselors looks like our ginger prince, sleeping beauty has finally rolled himself out of bed to make it in time for some brekkie.” Louis teased from behind his mug of coffee. Liam’s head shot up like the dogs’ in the movie ‘Up’ did at the mention of squirrels, his eyes immediately zeroing in on the boy in question and before they knew it Liam was excusing himself, headed over to Ed to greet him. They eat in quiet or well Harry eats and Louis sips at his black heavily sugared coffee, then all of a sudden Harry is jumping when Louis mutters:

“Fucking cunts.” Harry looks up to see what has ruffled Louis’ feathers now and sees Zayn’s ‘girls’ sitting a couple tables over comparing under arm fat of all things, glaring specifically at Perrie’s lack thereof.

“Jesus Lou, is there anyone you…you don’t like many people do you?”

“Not really, I guess I figured the less people you let in the less chance of them hurting you, because that’s what always happens when you let others in, you give them a sort of power over you, like if you let them in you also give them the power to walk out again and leave you, and sometimes—sometimes they die and leave you forever…” He gulped.

“Can you tell me what Zayn even did to make you hate him?” Louis’ mouth was set in a thin straight line, his tongue poking out the side of his cheek as he seemed to choose his words carefully.

“I let him in like a fool, is what I did. You see the weekend Malik arrived was a special time because there was a nature retreat up in the hills and usually newbies aren’t allowed to go off campus but Uncle Simon thought it would benefit the new kid to go out on the bonding retreat and help his assimilate or summat. The thing with these nature retreats or whenever we get a chance to get off campus really someone has to muck it up by sneaking contraband and that weekend was there were these rather inept counselors who have since been fired thank goodness, but at the time they ‘looked the other way’ when it came to the drugs and alcohol being shared around the camp fire.”

“In hindsight I think we all should’ve been a little more cautious to having a pyromaniac sat around the fire with us, but Malik must’ve been on his best behavior because he didn’t burn down the woods or anything _obviously_. I watched him pop a little ecstasy before he was handed a can of bud to chase it down with. And I remembered being entranced by the way his neck moved as he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with every pull from the can and I fucking knew then that I wanted him and I mean you’ve seen him right he’d fucking gorgeous there I sat it alright, I find Malik to be one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever laid eyes one and I’ve met David Beckham so that’s saying a lot. I knew I wanted him from the moment I first saw him and I usually get whatever I want, people included.”

Louis smirked and Harry didn’t doubt him for a second he was sort of surprised to hear that Lou was in fact attracted to Zayn, which maybe he shouldn’t have because looking back on their few interactions yes they were full of snark and malice that could so easily be mistaken for hatred but was in actuality unresolved sexual tension? At least on Louis’ end.

“I thought about playing it cool at first just make flirty eyes with him from across the fire, test the waters to see if he even swung that way you know but he was already on his third beer and the pills had to have kicked in by then and he still had yet to even _look_ my way which was not only frustrating but unheard of I mean look at me, I may not be on Malik’s level but I’ve been called pretty on more than one occasion.”

“You’re very pretty Lou, it’s the eyes and you’re so damn little…” Louis grinned in his direction, blowing him a kiss.

“Thanks babe, so I’d grown tired of the waiting game because the night wasn’t getting any younger and the longer I watched him, waiting for him to look my way the more turned on I grew I mean at one point he’d moved from cans to bottles and lord help me but the way his lips wrapped around the mouth of the bottle…”   Louis closed him eyes as if he were recalling those images at that very moment.

“Finally I walked away from a knowing Aiden, like seriously sometimes I feel like I’ve known that chap my entire life we’re so alike, at the time he saluted me and winked and bounced off to find this girl who smuggled nail polish of all things, which is apparently his guilty pleasure.” Louis shrugged so Harry did the same.

“Right well, I very stealthily made my way over to where Malik stood and accidentally on purpose knocked into him and he turned around so fast with the deepest frown I’d ever seen and I swear I thought he was going to sock me right in the mouth but then he actually saw me _finally_ and his face it, it almost _melted_ into this new expression that even to this day is hard for me to describe especially given how everything turned out in the end, but I’m getting a bit ahead of myself now aren’t I.

So he looked at me with this strangely confusing look that at the time I took to mean ‘I really want to jump your bones’…I’d had my fair share of beer by this time so sue me and he smiled down at me and I may have stopped breathing for a few minutes but I’d really rather avoid admitting such thing so let’s move on shall we?

I gave him the ol’ bedroom eyes and as seductively as I could manage, reached up and plucked the bottle of beer he held right from his loose grip. He watched my movements with hooded eyes as I brought the bottle to my lips and took a long pull of the now lukewarm beer, making sure to tilt my neck back just so I could possibly drive him as mad as he’d done me. I even flicked my tongue out, licking around the rim of the bottle to really make my intentions clear.

His glassy eyes widened a bit and I watched, hypnotized as his own tongue came out to lick at that plump bottom lip of his.

_“It’s like **that** then is it?”_ Were the first words he ever spoke to me and I took another sip from the beer I held, taking the bottle deep down my throat before handing it back to him with a nod and a wink.

“The name’s Louis. I introduced myself, biting my lip to keep from blurting out more like ‘fuck you’re hot’, ‘can I lick you’ or my favorite ‘I will _pay_ you to let me suck you off.”

_“Uh, Zen.”_

“No really that’s what it sounded like to me I went the first few weeks cursing the new kid _Zen_ ’s name to anyone who would listen, I felt like a right fool when I found out his actual name, only pissed me off more because I thought he’d given me a fake name that first night or something you know? “ Harry nodded to show he understood, maybe even sympathized with the older boy. Louis nodded as well and continued

“Well Zen, it can totally be like _that_ , if you’re interested? I said licking my lips one last time for emphasis, really driving things home. His eyes were locked on mine as he nodded ever so slightly and I did an internal victory dance as I grabbed his hand and led him to a secluded area, pressing him back against a tree before worming my way down his body until I knelt between his parted feet.

I hadn’t had a cock in my mouth in a good while so to say I was a little eager would’ve been a joke I was near buzzing for it, you’d think it were _me_ about to have my dick sucked, as I fumbled with opening his pants, my hands a bit clumsy in their frenzy to get him naked.  He was no help at all, clutching at his hair with one hand and clenching the other in a fist by his side as he mumbled ‘come on, come on, come on’ as if I wasn’t _trying_. I finally got his trousers open and wasted no time in pulling them and his pants down to mid thigh, his dick was already flush and hard as it bounced from its confinement to hit his stomach, leaving a smear of pre-cum that had me almost salivating, Jesus I’ll skin you alive if you ever repeat this to anyone but Zayn’s dick is pretty much perfect like, the ideal penis.”

Harry couldn’t help but laugh at that, but Louis just waved him away.

“I know exactly how that makes me sound, so it must be true if I’m actually admitting it. I kissed the head of his dick before I ever did his mouth…

Long story short I gave him the best blowjob of his life before he passed out on me. The next morning he acted as if he didn’t even remember my name. I tried cornering him to see what was up only to find him snogging little miss perfect Perrie Edwards in the woods and seriously who would want to be with my fat arse when they could be with her right? So basically I found out the hard way that Zayn was straight and that I’d been nothing more than a drunken straight boy experiment” 

Harry tried to compare the two versions of the same story, though Zayn’s was obviously lacking the amount of detail, _too much_ detail if you asked him that Louis’ had had they still were similar enough for him to draw some basic conclusions.

That’s when Harry puts two and two together figuring that Zayn hadn’t remembered anything beyond Louis snubbing him after seeing him snog Perrie because of the drugs and booze combination the night before.

“You say Zayn took X are you sure because he told me he doesn’t usually fuck with pills.” Louis shrugged.

“He definitely took pills that night, maybe he was trying to fit in? It was only his third night here.”

“Shit man and he was drinking too, isn’t that super dangerous?” Louis shrugged again.

Harry shook his head, no wonder Zayn passed out after blowing his load—more like blacked out with the amount of shit in his system. He didn’t think it was his place however to tell Louis that Zayn literally hadn’t remembered Louis’ name, or the blowjob, or even meeting him for that matter. The entire night had probably been a drug and alcohol induced blur, He also held his tongue before he corrected Louis on his assumption that Zayn was straight, it took almost all the will he possessed not to blurt out his roommates bedtime confession.

“I think the saddest part though is that if he’d _told_ me he was straight and just wanted to try a boy’s mouth on for size I probably still would’ve done it, but maybe I wouldn’t feel like such utter crap about it, maybe?”

Louis breathed a heavy sigh finally able to meet Harry’s green stare and the look of pity he found there was almost too much to bear, he hated being pitied more than anything,  hated people seeing him at his lowest and making a judgment without realizing or in this case even if it came from a good place it was still a judgment and Louis still didn’t have to like it, so with his emotions high he quickly makes up an excuse that’s weak to even his own ears about having forgotten his lucky pencil back in his room and needing it for his French quiz he asks Harry if he wouldn’t mind grabbing a bagel with cream cheese and strawberry jam for Niall please before fleeing the caf. Liam returns confused.  

“Where’s he off to then?”  Harry feigned anguished.

“It was a dire emergency, simply tragic…” He paused for effect almost losing it at Liam’s stricken expression. “He left his lucky pencil dun dun duuuuuuuun.” Liam made a pinched, shot between the eyes face at this but soon gave into laughter at Harry’s dramatics. The two finished off their breakfast talking about their favorite 90’s cartoons.

Meanwhile Louis really was headed back to his dorm room, if anything because now he had a bleeding pencil to find, he hoped Niall had one lying around because he’s pretty sure he doesn’t even _own_ a pencil, rounding the corner of the second floor stairwell he happens on a sight he honestly never would’ve though he’d see, not in a million years. Jack Harries on his knees and ok so that one’s not so much a surprise, but what was surprising was the fact that it was Zayn Maik’s dick shoved down his throat. Huh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last flashback-y chapter so that's good now I can focus on the present and more importantly the shipping yay it only took forever haha. Thank you all for your patience.
> 
> Also a HUGE thank you to those who left me such lovely comments, you are the fuel to my fire and ily all.
> 
> ~Jen~


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usual Trigger Warnings Apply: please read responsibly
> 
> So still no real shipping which i'm actually mad about bc there was supposed to be some but then this chap got rather lengthy so i chopped it in half but that means chap 12 already has bits written so all i have to do is continue that and the next chap will be up soon :)
> 
> Thank you for reading comments are beautiful things!!!

Zayn sat up in his bed, his heavy covers sticking to his sweat soaked chest as he was awoken by the sounds of his own shrill screams. Just as he’d feared the nightmares had returned, he was back at the old warehouse hearing Sly’s smoke filled lungs crying out for help, he swore he could feel the pavement beneath his trainers as he ran to the only place he knew would provide shelter… _Danny_.

But this time as the two finally drift off to sleep they’re startled awake by smoke filling Danny’s bedroom and they begin coughing, squinting their eyes in an attempt to see what’s caused the fire, only to gasp as they came face to face with Sly stood ablaze like the bloody human torch. He grinned at them, touching everything in sight, making the fire spread faster and that’s when they realized there was no way out. He’d gone and set the curtains aflame already so they couldn’t climb out that way and Sly stood blocking the door, daring them to just _try_ and make it around him. Zayn gulped, facing Danny with terrified eyes and whimpered in defeat when he sees the same emotions mirrored back at him, this was it they wouldn’t be getting out alive.

“Danny!” Zayn screamed as an angry flame suddenly licked the end of the bed catching fire and spreading up the mattress to them at an alarming speed. Danny turned to him then, gripping his chin tightly he rushed forward to kiss him, tears mingling with those already tracking their way down Zayn’s cheeks and his voice shook as he tried to speak without parting their lips:

“Zayn! Zayn I love you!” A strangled sound bubbled up from Zayn’s throat as he clung to the older boy, not believing this was really the end.

“I love you too Danny, I love you! _Iloveyou **Iloveyou** ILOVEYOU…DANNY_!” Zayn chanted until he woke with Danny’s name on his lips and glanced over to the other side of the room expecting to see his angry roommate torn from his own slumber but instead he was met with an empty unmade bed.

He toyed with the thought that Harry was possibly in the shower or taking a wee but then he noticed Harry’s converses and school bag were missing and figured the younger boy was an early riser or summat and must’ve joined Liam and Tomlinson for breakfast.

He shook his head because he was more a ‘sleep until the last possible second’ kind of bloke, in fact…glancing at his alarm clock he groans, realizing he had maybe five more minutes before his alarm was to go off, five minutes he could’ve been sleeping still, but alas he sends his pillow a forlorn look and dragged himself to the loo to brush his teeth and whatnot.

If anything good came out of being awoken prematurely he now had time to drop by Liam’s room to bum a fag off his roommate Jack because after that dream he sure as fuck needed a nicotine fix. So grabbing his spiral notebook which he rolled up and stuck in the back pocket of his jeans he headed for the door, slipping a plain black pen behind his ear along the way.

The thing about Mount Serenity is that although it wasn’t all that hard to continue the bad habits that helped land you here, much like life in general nothing came free. Sure if you made friends with the right people they could help score you what you needed but not without wanting something in return. So when Jack opened his door to Zayn he smirked knowingly and without a word he disappeared into the room only to return seconds later with a pack of smokes and a lighter.

Zayn wouldn’t lie his hands did itch slightly at just the sight of the lighter, imagining all the damage he could wreak with it but he resisted the urge to snatch it from the smaller boy’s grasp and make a run for it, instead followed him to the stairwell, the only place in the building without smoke detectors.

He leaned against the cold concrete walls as he watched Jack tap out a cigarette and bring it to the darker boy’s lips. Zayn was near hypnotized by the flame as Jack flicked the lighter and brought it up to the end of Zayn’s fag. Zayn took a deep drag and nearly moaned at the familiar burn in his lungs—Jesus Christ had it been too long since he last lit up. Jack’s grin widened as he stuffed both the pack of cigarettes and lighter into the pockets of his khakis and without a word sank to his knees at Zayn’s feet. The darker boy nearly choked on the next drag in surprise but quickly recovered, so this was to be his repayment then, to let the Chiswick boy suck him off.

This was of course no great sacrifice on Zayn’s part, after all Jack was quite fit and Zayn was but a seventeen year old boy after all and near relished any and all opportunities in which to get his dick sucked, if anything he thought he was getting two gifts for the price of one, not that he would ever dare remind the other boy of this fact.

Zayn sighed contentedly, throwing his head back against the cool wall as Jack took him in down to the root. Harries definitely knew what he was doing and genuinely seemed to enjoy doing it.

XXX

That’s exactly how Louis finds them, Zayn with his eyes closed in pleasure while Jack knelt with his eyes trained on the darker boy’s expression humming pleasantly at the positive reaction he was receiving for his efforts. 

Louis is almost knocked on his ass by the unexpected sight, ignoring the fact that neither boy seemed to be aware of his presence not to mention that Jack was still going to town on Zayn’s dick he moved forward near screeching:

“What the fuck Malik, you’re straight!” Zayn’s eyebrows knotted up in shock at the familiar voice, but he forced himself not to outwardly react and instead he licked his smirking lips.

“Oh yeah, am I now?” He comments, eyes still closed and his head still thrown back against the wall, as if he wasn’t a bit fazed by Louis’ sudden appearance.

“Wait, no fucking around…are you straight or not?” If Louis noticed his voice shook slightly he ignored it, desperately needing to know the answer to this question.

“What’s it to you Tomlinson?” Zayn asked, eyebrows bunched up in annoyance because seriously this was sort of a mood killer, disregarding the fact that he remained just as hard as he had been when Jack first started—had possibly grown _harder_ if it were possible, though he’d deny it to his grave.

“Kinda busy right now if you haven’t noticed.” Jack snorted from around Zayn’s dick, and then nearly choked as Louis suddenly pulled him off of Zayn entirely by the collar of his t-shirt. Rolling his eyes at Jack’s noise of indignation Louis took Zayn’s spit slick erection into his own fist and squeezed it into a deathly grip. The darker boy’s eyes flew open, his jaw dropping in a silent scream. It was Louis’ turn to smirk.

“Now that I’ve got your full attention, answer the fucking question or so help me I’ll twist your oddly smooth nuts right off.” Swearing with what little breath he had left in his lungs Zayn blinked wide eyes at the shorter boy.

“What, uh, what was the question a—g _ain_.”  Zayn stuttered, his voice rising to a squeak, as Louis gripped him even tighter.

“Are. You. Straight?” He asked again, emphasizing each word with a squeeze, bringing the darker boy up onto his tiptoes.

“No! Fuck no alright?”

“Since when?” Louis pressed, squeezing again to hurry Zayn up. The taller boy whimpered in fear.

“Since always, I’ve always been Bi.” Letting go, Louis frowns.

“Oh.” He says, in a barely intelligible voice, backing away slightly. He suddenly finds it hard to meet Zayn’s eyes at this new information.

Before when he thought Zayn didn’t want him because he was straight yeah it still hurt but it couldn’t be helped, you couldn’t choose who you were attracted to but now, knowing that Zayn was actually bisexual, that he’d given Louis the brush off because he didn’t want _him_ —the pain in his chest was almost crippling, all he wanted to do was to ball up in the corner and sob because now it was personal.

“Jesus Tomlinson, what the fuck?” Blinking out of his reverie, Louis bit his lip to mask its tremble and instead narrowed his eyes at the darker boy. He raised his chin, instantly putting on a brave front.

“Nothing Malik, Jack you may proceed, but I’d bite it off if I were you…he’s enough of a _prick_ without it.” With that Louis continued up to the third floor, ripping the door open and letting it slam loudly behind him as he hurried to his room, not wanting to succumb to the tears that welled in the corners of his eyes where someone might see.

XXX

Harry was sat in his first period class when he was called down to the registrar office where Ms. Phillips informed him that Simon had decided to squeeze him into group with Louis and the rest of his new mates based on the exact reasons Zayn had mentioned that Mr. Cowell had noticed Louis and Harry’s instant friendship and saw it beneficial to getting the slight boy to finally open up in group.  Harry smiled at Ms. ‘oh please call me Aimee everyone does around here’ Phillips and thanked her, somehow managing to make it out into the hallway before he fist pumped and clicked his heels in the air simultaneously in joy.

XXX

“Oh damn! Lookin’ _good_ Sheeran.” Harry whistled out of nowhere, making Liam’s head shoot up from his plateful of mac n cheese, his eyes immediately zeroing in on Ed standing in the lunch line sporting an olive green ribbed tank that fit snuggly and showed off his delicious arms, milky white and dotted with freckles.

Liam quickly brought a hand up to his chin to make sure he wasn’t actually drooling… _again_. He wasn’t thank god, after drinking Ed in for more than was probably healthy it finally dawned on him what all Harry had just said and he quickly swung his eyes back over to the curly topped boy who was now grinning under his attention.

“Come again Styles?” He asked, with squinted eyes. Harry held his gaze and shrugged innocently.

“What, Liam you’re not the only one with eyes…if you liked it you should’ve put a ring on it.” He said mock seriously, earning himself a louder than life hoot of laughter from Louis and an air five from across the table.

Niall, who was finally tuning in, looked up from the massive plate of mashed potatoes that sat in front of him looking confused but curious at the same time. He too gave Ed the once over and made a noise of approval before returning to the task of shoveling mass quantities of fluffy potato goodness into his gob at once.

“Relax Li…I’ve no intentions for your _precious Ed_ , was just taking the mick.” Swallowing Niall looked up once more this time with a frown on his face aimed directly at the eldest boy at the table.

“What the fuck Leemo, you told Haz about your man crush on Ed…already? Took me nearly two months for you to trust me enough with your secret and he’s not been here a _week_ yet!” Liam’s arms flailed around as he rushed to explain himself.

“I know but like we were waiting in my room for you and Lou before dinner last night you remember and things looked like they were on the verge of turning awkward and I didn’t want that so I shared a little with him…”

“S’not right is all, playing favorites.” Niall mumbled but you could tell he was trying so fucking hard not to smile that Liam finally clued in and nudged the blonde gently under the table with the toe of his chucks.

“If that were the case it’s you Nialler you know that you’re my all time favorite.”

“Even more than _Eddie_?” The blonde challenged, making Liam sputter a bit before he broke out in his infamous cackle. Liam glared for less than a second before it melted into a crinkle eyed smile and he nudged Niall again.

“ _Second_ favorite then.” Niall pretended to mull this over before he nodded, pleased and resumed eating.

XXX

The last bell of the day rang out and the classroom couldn’t have emptied faster. Senorita Minogue of course signaled for Harry to hang back for a minute and when he approached her desk he saw that she held the assessment sheet he’d given her at the start of the period.

“So it would seem that you’re Spanish is way more advanced than that of your peers.” Harry shrugged, not surprised because he’d attended a really good private school and told her as much.

“I don’t mind the refresher though Senorita, honestly. I could even tutor anyone who is struggling if you’d like?” She sent him a pleased smile and nodded.

“I just might take you up on that offer Mr. Styles, thank you.”

“Not a problem.” He smiled back and even sent her a wink for good measure before bidding her goodbye and exiting the classroom. He was surprised to see Niall waiting just outside, standing by the water fountain with his arms crossed over his chest, bored.

“You’re not planning to drag me into a dark secluded corner to maul my tight little body again are you?” Niall sent him a quirked eyebrow at that, before smiling.

“Nope, much to your disappointment, hung around so I could see ya to group therapy safe as houses, Louis told me uncle Si put ya in with us and he’d kill me if I let his pet kitten get lost on the first day of groups, he may be small but he fights dirty, has got a strong set of teeth on ‘im and likes to bite.”

“Kitten?” Harry asked, raising an eyebrow of his own.

“Mm Hm.” Niall hummed in affirmation but didn’t elaborate further, leaving the taller by to trail behind him in confusion.

Niall led him into the main building and down a hallway he’d yet to venture to, opening a heavy yellow door.

“Groups is usually held in the rec room, the room itself is used for multiple events, from movie and board games nights, to twister and charade challenges, as well as all access to the communal pool, foosball and ping pong tables as long as it’s within a reasonable hour.” Harry nodded along to let Niall know he was paying attention, slipping through the door after the blonde. As they entered Harry couldn’t help but notice that everyone else seemed to already be present, seated in a circle on folded metal chairs in the middle of the room.

There were ten of them including Simon with two empty seats on either side of Louis for Niall and Harry. The group consisted of Louis, Liam, Zayn, Perrie, Jade, Max and Jack as well as a girl with flaming red hair that just couldn’t be natural and who Harry would soon find out was named Hayley as well as a chill looking dude rocking a snapback with the word _inspire_ stitched on the front and a Bob Marley muscle tank who nodded at Harry from directly across the circle.

“Sup man, I’m Wes.”

“Harry.” He said, nodding back.

“Alright guys, settle down so we can jump right in yeah?” Simon said suddenly and the chatter that had been going on ceased.  Referring to the clipboard in his lap Simon nodded, mostly to himself and looked up with what Harry thinks could be confused for a grimace but might’ve been a smile…the jury was still out.

“According to my notes it’ll be Perrie’s turn to start us off today but first I just want to introduce you all to our newest student Harry Styles though I’m sure most of you have already had the chance to meet him.” He paused as a few yeahs were murmured and more than a few heads nodded.

“I’m pleased. Just a quick recount of what all goes on in group therapy Harry, it takes place only once a month and during which a total of six students will share something, anything they’d like depending on how long the student shares we may get through less, whoever doesn’t get the chance t go is carried over to the next group session. Does that make sense?” At Harry’s nod, Simon gave him a thumbs up and gestured for Perrie to start; the violet haired girl took a deep breath and began to speak.

“Well as most of you already know I’d been just thirteen years old when I got knocked up by my father’s business associate Cliff…”

XXX

“And that’s how I know, I just _know_ that aliens are real because they watch me through my window at night, I keep telling my roommate Selena not to keep the blinds open but does she listen? Nooooo.” Hayley finished, already huddling into herself, hazel eyes darting around the room as if she expected the little green men she just spent a good twenty minutes describing in disturbing detail to burst into the room and snatch her up, which Harry supposed was pretty standard for someone with paranoid personality disorder.

An hour and ½ had already gone by and so far they’d heard Perrie talk about the fear and strife of being a pregnant teen, the shame and panic she’d gone into before finally deciding to give herself a home abortion.

Then there was Wesley who‘d been in and out of juvey for most of his life for petty theft mostly and once for stealing a car and then things got real and he actually began to tear up when he mentioned his younger brother Keaton and confessed that he felt like he’d failed him as a big brother by not being a better influence (Keaton had been enrolled in MS just last month for stealing over six thousand dollars worth of electronic equipment from a Radio Shack).

XXX

“I never really knew me ma…she’d skipped out when I was just a wee tike of about three so it was just me and my drunk of a father in the house living off of tin soup and anything else you could buy in a can. He wasn’t a very nurturing sort but we got by, kids at school always bullied me for being smaller and motherless so I used to get into fights a lot most of which I came out on the losing end. “ Max shuddered as he remembered the pain and humiliation he’d experienced at the hand of his so called peers.

“The first time I came home sporting a shiner my old man took one look at me and burst out laughing commended the dirty bastard on his handiwork and then gave me one on the opposite eye to match for being such a pussy. From that day on he taught me to box, nothing formal or anything just the basics he picked up from being an avid fan of the sport, said he wouldn’t have no son of his posing as someone’s punching bag, told me if I ever came home with so much as a scratch on me I’d might as well beg the sod to finish me off before he gotta hand on me.

So I became the bully, it wasn’t all that hard to do, to build up the rage to fight, I’d just think of my ma leaving or my da spending most of his money on Jack Daniels rather than food, soon enough though it became harder and harder to stop myself from beating them and even sooner than that I started just getting angry for no reason, all someone would have to do is look at me funny or sneeze in my direction and I was decking them in the throat.

It was Miles Pierce my original tormentor who landed me in here when I nearly beat him within an inch of his life for taking the last red Jell-o at lunch, I was appointed a shrink before trial who eventually diagnosed me with Intermittent explosive disorder, there was an actual name for the uncontrollable beast inside me, it was scary as fuck but also sort of a relief at the very least the things I did were out of my control yeah, didn’t make them right but it wasn’t entirely my fault that I was wired wrong was it?” Simon who had been jotting things down here and there nodded at Max and thanked him for sharing his experience with them.

 “Zayn, I believe you’re up.” Zayn nodded, heaving a heavy sigh.

“Yeah alright, so uh today during study hall I used the library computer to check my email and there was a new one from Sly he says he’s doing really well, that the newest physical therapist assigned to look after him is fit as fuck with an ass that would put J.Lo to shame...” The men in the room all let out a collective hiss, imagining such an ass. All except Louis who just rolled his eyes letting out a snort.

“Yeah yeah yeah but where in the email does he remind you that you lit him up like a stick of incense potheads such as yourself seem to be so fond of huh…let’s get to the good stuff I’d more than love to see you cry and go all blubbery like ol’ Wes did, shame there’s no popcorn though.” Louis tisked out loud, going so far as to rub his index finger and thumb together, in the universal sign for playing the world’s smallest violin.

“Louis, that’s ten behavioral points docked, looks like you’ll be staying on campus for yet another weekend. That too is a shame don’t you think?” Simon challenged. Louis opened his mouth to protest, but quickly snapped it shut again at the look in Simon’s eyes. Instead he crossed his arms over his chest pouting. Zayn glowered, his upper lip curling in anger.

“What’s it to you fat arse?” Louis squawked, his hands immediately flying up to hide his face as he began to tremble, the lads didn’t hesitate to jump to his defense, even Niall.

“Yo Z, not cool man, so not cool.”

“That was much too far Zayn.” Liam added; genuinely glaring at the darker boy, something Harry hadn’t even known the older boy was capable of doing.

“Way to be a dick there Zayn.”  Harry couldn’t help but throw in with a sneer. To his part, Zayn looked like he wished he could suck the words back into his mouth the minute he said them, but the damage had been done and Louis was now rocking himself back and forth, clawing at the nonexistent fat around his middle.

It was Liam who stepped forward to cradle the slight boy in his arms, pulling his hands down to his sides and trapping them there in a hug. Louis was still mumbling to himself about being a lard arse, making free Willy look like an eel compared to him and the like. Liam shushed him in an effort to get him to stop but it was to no avail, so he just sighed and continued to rock him soothingly.

Simon frowned deeply, glancing down to his watch he sighed and when he spoke it was through gritted teeth:

“So it would seem our time is up for this month’s session and with perfect timing too. Zayn I will let your remark slide seeing as Louis provoked you, but I do not what a repeat of this come next month.  You will start the next meeting of course with Jack right behind you…” Louis who had begun to calm considerably howled suddenly with laughter.

“Wouldn’t be the first time either.” He muttered in amusement.

“Excuse me?” Simon asked, leveling the blue eyed boy with a stard that told him he ought to think carefully about his next words but Louis just met his stare figuring with his weekend off campus already revoked he didn’t really have much else to lose.

“I said, it wouldn’t be the first time Jack got behind Malik, probably…I mean I’m just sayin’.” Louis repeated himself, unabashedly loud. Simon simply nodded the perfect picture of calm.

“Right then, ten more points Tomlinson you wanna learn to hold your tongue or lose another twenty?” Louis gasped, but stayed otherwise silent and if his eyes were lasers the older man would’ve had a hole clear though his head by now. Seeing that Louis was done acting up at least for the moment Simon dismissed the group, asking to speak with Harry.

“You’re adjusting well I take it?”

“Oh yes sir, Lou’s sort of taken me under his wing and introduced me to a good group of lads, very helpful and the like.”

“So I see, Louis he’s a tough case, his disorder not so much we’ve got several students with eating disorders it’s getting to the root though, getting him to open up that is proving quite difficult so I think it’s wonderful that he’s quite taken with you and I do hope that you can be a good influence on him by perhaps sharing at next month’s meeting?”

“Uh…”

“You wouldn’t have to share anymore than you are comfortable with of course but just showing him how safe and understanding the circle can be might help bring him out as well? It’s a crap shoot but I’ve got to at least try.”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it Mr. Cowell, you can put me down but just…don’t count on it?” The older man sighed, nodding and scribbling something onto his clipboard quickly.

“Very well, best be off to wash up for dinner?”

“Sure thing, have a good night Mr.Cowell.” Simon just waved to Harry’s retreating back.

As Harry rushed out the building more than expecting that at least one of his friends has waited for him: Lou, Liam—hell even Zayn. He nearly trips down the last two steps as he spies Niall sitting on the ledge just outside the building, his legs swinging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you to everyone who has left me comments letting me know how they're liking this story so far and for all your patience with me and my horrible updating.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I might have fibbed just a bit because yeah still no shipping but only because this chapter grew too long so the narry that was supposed to be in this chapter will just have to happen at the very beginning of chap 13 *ducks rotten fruit & veggies*
> 
> Usual Warnings Apply: though i think this chap is pretty tame just some cussing & the like.
> 
> A few new characters are introduced and that's pretty much it?
> 
> Thank you all for reading and leaving me such lovely encouraging reviews I love you all so much :D

Harry quickly tried to recover by masking his embarrassment with a smile.

“You know I do know my way back to the dorms by now, so I don’t really need an escort.” Niall shrugged, never losing his grin as he hopped down off the wall.

“Maybe I just like walking you places? Was gonna maybe ask you to wear my pin or varsity jacket…if I had one that is.” Harry stopped short to stare at the blonde because that had been so bad he couldn’t _help_ but laugh.

They walked for a bit in comfortable silence until Harry notices Niall had been slowly leading them into the shadowy part of the courtyard; he starts to ask Niall why when he’s suddenly being pressed against a tall oak tree shrouded by tallish bushes.

Harry gulped his eyes darting around to see if anyone could see them because even though they were quite hidden there were eyes everywhere here and the last thing he wanted was to get a rep like Jack Harries.

He doesn’t know what he expected for Niall to do this time grope his junk, snog him, hell even just giving him a love bite but the blonde dropping to his knees at his feet, already working the fly of his jeans open was not it, surprisingly.

“Niall, come on get up mate.” The blonde continued as if he hadn’t heard him. Harry tried batting the older boy’s hands away futilely.

“Seriously Niall I said no!” This seemed to finally penetrate the lust filled daze the Irish boy had been in because he did stop then, leaving Harry’s jeans open but otherwise still covering him and looked up questioningly.

“You think I’m hot don’t ya?” The kneeling boy asked, biting his lip as a little of his confidence began to waver.

“Hell yeah.” Harry breathed out.

“Hmm, well I bet I’d look even better with me lips wrapped around yer cock, you’ve got such big feet and I’ve been curious to see if it’s true what they say…” He trailed off, bringing his hands back up to cup Harry’s bulge. Frowning when Harry shoved him back, upsetting the blonde’s balance and landing him on his ass.

“No, Niall god would you _stop_ with that shit already? Always offering to blow me, how about we have dinner together tonight just the two of us or we could go for a walk somewhere, get to know one another better?”  Niall’s frown deepened with every word Harry said until he was full on scowling up at the brunette and all Harry could think was that a frown had never looked more out of place then it did on Niall Horan’s face.

“Fuck you alright? I offered to suck ya off because that’s _all_ I want from you. You not interested your loss, so enough with the long walks along the lake bullshit this ain’t no Nicholas Sparks novel for godsakes.” Harry’s mouth opened and closed in surprise not knowing what to say.

“Wait I’m the bad guy here because I want to know things about you, things like how many siblings you have, are you a cat person or what your favorite color is _before_ you put my dick in your mouth?” Niall squeezed his eyes shut, his hands clenching into fists at his sides as he just sat there for a few beats, before scrabbling to his feet.

“Exactly, I don’t know why you’re being such a pussy about this but I’m out, come find me when your dick grows back yeah?” He started to walk away then thought better of it spinning back around and pointing an accusing finger at the taller boy.

“This is a rehabilitation center Haz no one comes here to find their soul mate.”

“Yeah well maybe you would’ve fared better in juvie if all _you_ wanted was a butt buddy.” Harry was nearly shaking with anger as he said this, not a big fan of confrontations in the first place throw in the fact that he was scared to death that he was pushing Niall away to a place that wouldn’t be easy to pull him back from.

The two faced off bright angry eyes boring into each other daring the other to be the first to walk away. Harry could feel his heart pumping in his ears as Niall finally looked away, heading for the dorms without a word.

Harry had won, but then why did he feel like such a loser?

XXX

When Harry entered the his room he let the door slam obnoxiously behind him startling Zayn who was lying on his back with his book literally on his face as if he’d tried to get a little after school reading done and had instead fallen asleep. He blinked tired eyes at Harry now.

“Alight there Haz?” His voice was croaky with sleep, but Harry didn’t notice.

“Just peachy.” He grumbled out instead, flinging his messenger bag to the carpeted floor.

“Ok?” Zayn hesitated, sitting up he let his book slide down to his chest. Harry paused to squint over at the darker boy.

“I should still be mad at you shouldn’t I, for what you said to Lou earlier?”

“Suppose so but it’s not really fair that he can say whatever the hell he wants to about me while I was in the middle of _sharing something personal_ may I remind you and sharing during groups is not easy I’ll tell you, or well you’ll find out ya’self eventually, but I retaliate and it’s like the end of the bloody world.” Zayn finished, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting.

“It’s not that you said something it’s _you_ and _Louis_ if you hadn’t said anything we’d probably react even worse it’s _what_ you said. Out of all the things to blurt out Zayn…” Zayn bowed his head in shame, losing his pout and unfolding his arms.

“I fucking know alright, I regretted it the minute I said it but I just wanted to hurt him and I wasn’t thinking.” Harry nodded, having figured as much, moving to join Zayn on his bed after the darker boy pulled his knees up to his chest to make room.

“I think I really fucked up Zayn.” Harry whimpered, making the other boy perk up with interest.

“Erm ok but it’s been maybe twenty or so minutes since groups let out how could you have gotten up to anything in that time?”

“Well its Niall…” The taller boy said simply.

“What about him?” Zayn prodded, without any real reaction.

“Uh we kind of had a falling out in the courtyard.” Now the darker boy finally reacted, making a skeptical face.

“Falling out? You and _Niall_? Are you sure you’re talking about the right sexy blonde? Because there’s this chap Hunter Hayes that lives across the hall from Liam who is always getting mistaken for Niall…” Harry rolled his eyes.

“I’m sure it was him.”

“Dude, I can’t imagine what you’ve done to cause _Niall_ the resident carefree mofo of MS to raise his voice unless you tried stealing his food?” Harry shook his head slowly.

“Worse, I turned down a blowjob!” Zayn couldn’t help but sputter a laugh at that.

“The fuck man, why would you do something as foolish as that? Have you _seen_ the mouth on that boy? Don’t let the metal fool you he knows what he’s doing.” Harry bristled slightly, narrowing his eyes.

“Speaking from experience?”  Zayn held his hands up in front of him in defense.

“Naw, almost but…we realized we were too much like brothers not to mention I’m pretty sure he’s still convinced I’m straight.” Harry visibly relaxed.

“Look I just wanted to get to know him a little more is all, before we fooled around— _if_ we fooled around.” Zayn sent him a dubious look that made Harry blush because yeah he wasn’t buying that either.

“Did you like tell _him_ that?” Harry nodded again, even slower this time.

“Unfortunately and that’s what started the whole argument.” Zayn sucked his teeth in sympathy and nodded.

“Not surprised, Haz we’ve all got our reasons for being here and Niall’s…his are pretty bad maybe the worse I’ve heard yet but then I could be biased because I’ve got a soft spot for the whelp.”

“Oh I know, he told me the other day about the uh sex for money.” Harry whispered the last bit even though they were the only ones in the room. Zayn made a surprised noise.

“He did? Well alright then, but that’s not all, it’s really not my place to tell ya though so I won’t, but suffice it to say that he’s got trust and intimacy issues up the wazoo. So he tends to keep sex and emotions as far apart as physically possible.”

“Shit, I’m the complete opposite I’m incapable of being intimate with someone _without_ feelings becoming involved, if I’m being honest it’s one of the reasons I’m here…I uh, fell in love with the wrong kind of person.” Zayn raised a curious eyebrow but didn’t push the subject.

“Maybe I’ll tell you a bit more tonight before bed, you know during our bedtime confessions.” Zayn raised a lone eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? Is that going to be a thing with us then?” Harry couldn’t fight the blush that filled his cheeks as he scratched nervously at the back of his neck.

“Yes, I mean could it be? I really like it.” This made the older boy smile and he finally nodded once in Harry’s direction.

“Yeah Alright.”

XXX

Zayn and Harry left their room together headed for the cafeteria but when they reached the stairwell the darker boy turned to salute Harry as he continued on toward Liam’s room.

Harry waved back not looking forward to the awkwardness that there would no doubt be between Niall and himself, but to his surprise when he entered the room after a quick knock he found only Liam and Louis in the middle of an epic arm wrestle that Louis was definitely cheating unless the slight boy knew of a loophole where wrapping both his hands around Liam’s one was acceptable, the sad thing was he was still about to lose.

“Ello Hazza.” Liam greeted him casually, barely having to concentrate. Louis however turned to face the door and with the distraction Liam quite easily slammed his hand down to the desk top. Immediately throwing his fists up in a victory chant, Louis jumped out of his seat growling at the older boy in outrage.

“I call shenanigans!” He squawked obnoxiously. “Liam J Payne, you sir are a dirty rotten cheat!”

Liam rolled his eyes and brought his arm back up to the table for a rematch, raising his eyebrows in challenge. The slighter boy simply huffed and mumbled something about being kind of sort of hungry and that they should probably hurry to dinner before this feeling passed because it was pizza night. Harry shook his head at Louis’s cunningness as Liam immediately leapt to his feet already halfway out the door. Even though he really didn’t want to Harry couldn’t help but ask the obvious.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Niall?”

“Huh, oh no the little leprechaun came back to the room from groups in a piss poor mood, said he was going to be eating dinner with Zayn and his lot so I’m afraid it’s just to be us tonight lads.” Louis finished hooking an arm around both Liam and Harry’s necks as they walked the halls, with Liam and Harry forced to slouch slightly due to the significant height difference. Harry forced a fake laugh as Louis refused to let them go as they approached the stairwell, determined that the three of them could fit through the doorway as is.

“Bollocks this.” Liam swore, finally freeing himself by ticking Louis’ side and taking the stairs two at a time, shouting over his shoulder:

“Its pizza night Lou and I’d like to actually get some before Niall’s had a chance to gobble it all up thank you.”

XXX

Dinner was oddly quiet as all three boys seem to have their mind elsewhere, which was bad enough but it was also quite obvious that Niall too wasn’t acting like himself from the total lack of raucous laughter coming from Zayn’s table which was the norm for whenever Niall sat with them.

Not to mention the Irish boy kept glaring over at their table and making no secret whatsoever to whom his steely gaze was directed. Louis put down the slice of veggie supreme that he’d barely nibbled at and turned to Harry to no doubt interrogate him on the sudden tension between them when someone approached their table.

“Liam, hi.” Harry looked up from his own pepperoni slice to see a thin blonde boy who looked all of twelve years old, looking down at Liam with the biggest bluest mooneyes Harry had ever seen in his life. Attention successfully averted, Louis rolled his own eyes at the boy in question.

“Cheers Troye, how’re ya?” Liam greeted, grinning obliviously, causing the gangly blonde to sigh dreamily back.

Troye Sivan was a fourteen year old freshman suffering from delusioned personality disorder. He honestly believed he was some kind of youtube celebrity with over 222k subscribers and his own budding television series on the BBC network and it’s no secret that he’s had the biggest crush on Liam for going on a month and a half (he’s only been enrolled for two months) something that Liam refused to believe.

Louis rolled his eyes again, harder this time at Liam’s naivety and opens his mouth to scare the little turd away much like he does everyone else with sass and biting sarcasm when the runt has the nerve to raise a hand to him.

“Please Louis, no autographs; can’t you see I’m trying to have a conversation here?” The earnestness with which Troye spoke had Louis snapping his mouth shut in shock. Troye turned back to Liam with a blinding smile, slinking even closer into the older boy’s personal space.

“So Liam I’m completely lost with tonight’s Algebra homework and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind stopping by my room tonight to help me work it out.” Harry coughed loudly at Troye’s choice of wording, and then laughed when Liam barely batted an eyelash.

“Why of course Troye I know this bit has been giving you quite a lot of trouble and I really wanna see you get it so I can definitely drop by.” Because what Liam lacked in geography and spelling he more than made up for in maths, he was known as a regular human calculator.

“Really?” Troye squeaked, bringing a flirty hand up to rest on Liam’s shoulder.

“That would be so freakin’ awesome of you.” Liam just beamed back up at him completely clueless; it would be funny if it was so sad on Troye’s part.

“Sure, what time were you thinking?”

“How about right after…” Troye trailed off as someone cleared their throat pointedly behind him.

“Troye, mate what’s happening?” Ed said voice falsely cheerful.

“Erm sup Ed.” The younger boy blinked innocently.

“Anything I can help ya with then?” The ginger asked, through a smile though it faltered ever so slightly as he eyed the hand Troye still had on Liam’s shoulder. Louis and Harry shared a knowing look.

“No, no I’m good just…” Liam interrupted him.

“…just my tutoring skills are in need Ed, turns out I’m not completely rubbish at this whole school thing.” Ed smiled fondly down at Liam and nodded in agreement.

“Of course Payne, you could never be rubbish at anything.” Liam shot him an adorably puzzled look in response.

“Not even geography?” Ed pretended to mull this over before shaking his head.

“Correction anything _except_ geography.” Troye perked up at this new information.

“Oh are you having trouble with geography then Liam, because I could help you in return for all your help in Algebra?”

“I think I’ve got him covered there Troye.” Louis insisted drolly.

“But…”

“You heard him mate, I think you ought to get back to yer table to finish up dinner yeah?” Troye made an annoyed sound but nodded, flashing Liam one final smile before doing as told. Liam watched him go then frowned as he realized something.

“Oh no, we never established a time for me to drop by his room.” Ed clucked his tongue and replaced the hand Troye had had on Liam’s shoulder with his own and if Harry wasn’t mistaken he could’ve sworn he saw Ed rubbing at the fabric of Liam’s plaid shirt, as if doing so would rid Liam of the other boy’s touch.

“Liam mate, Troye is a borderline genius he could practically pass Algebra in his sleep.”

“Wait what?”

“Lee, you can’t honestly tell me you didn’t notice the mooneyes and dreamboat sighs he was throwing you?”

“Mooneyes, dreamboat—what are you even on about there Styles?”  Louis finally threw his hands up in exasperation.

“The boy is bloody mad for you Liam, he’s probably got a notebook full of doodles and hearts with your name on and in it and he probably dreams of the day he’ll become Mrs. Liam Payne.”

“But I’m sure that can’t be true Lou because Troye is a boy he can’t become my missus anything…”

“Crikey, you would choose _that bit_ to focus on, yes Liam I am well aware that he has man bits and that he likes those man bits and would very much like for you to rub your man bits against his man bits and oh bloody hell I know he’s probably not transgender…but he definitely wants to marry you.”

“Louis?” Ed spoke suddenly. Louis turned to him.

“Yes”

“Shut up.” Harry couldn’t help but snicker at the look on Lou’s face.

“Aye-aye captain.”

“Ok Li, I’m going to say this once so listen up. Troye’s got a bit of a schoolboy crush on ya is what Tommo was trying and failing quite miserably at telling ya.”

“No.” Liam blinked disbelieving eyes at each of them.

“Yes Liam.” They all chorused, making Liam sit back on the bench, dazed.

“Oh my.” He finally whispered, biting his lip nervously. He didn’t know what he was to do about this new development or well new to him at least, but more than that he didn’t know how much longer he could keep from reacting to the hand Ed still hand on his shoulder, now rubbing soothing circles into the muscle there, that Liam just wanted to rest his head on.

But just as he thought this Grimmy called out to Ed as a fight was starting to break out on the opposite side of the caf, it was only a bit of shouting but Nick wanted Ed ready and aware in case it grew out of hand. Ed nodded at Nick and moved to leave when Liam bit the bullet and did turn his cheek to rest it on Ed’s hand, making the ginger freeze as he finally realized where his hand had been and what it had been _doing_ there this whole time. Ed gulped, meeting Liam’s adoring eyes.

“Liam I…” He begins, forgetting their audience of two for barely a moment as he flips his hand so that he could caress Liam’s cheek with the barest of touches. Before blinking, remembering where they are. He slides his hand away and uses it to wave to the three of them as he hurries over to where Nick was barely holding JJ back from decking Mikey in the face.

Liam’s eyes didn’t leave Ed until he was escorting Mikey out of the cafeteria; he finally met his friends’ curious stares and smiled with the smallest of hope.

XXX

After dinner both Harry and Louis had a hard time convincing Liam not to play into Troye’s hand by showing up to tutor him anyway and instead Louis invited Liam up to his room so that they could figure out how to let poor Troye down easily. Harry begged off claiming to be wiped, which he was but he also wanted to avoid any unnecessary awkwardness between him and Niall and went to his room instead, he was shocked to find Zayn actually there for once.

“What no secret rendezvous with Perrie in the woods?” He joked as he entered their room, straddling his desk chair backward. Zayn grinned back at him.

“Naw her and the girls are having a listening party of Jt’s new album in Jade and Leigh’s room and I wasn’t invited.” Zayn pulled a wounded puppy look.

“How dare they?” Harry gasped, playing along.

“I know right!”

“So what’s on the agenda for tonight?”

“I dunno thought I’d do a little reading before lights out and then just turn in early, I’m really kind of beat from all that went down in groups today and I’m still a little hurt that everyone just automatically sided with his majesty the queen.”

“Uh ok? But even you have to admit you were fighting dirty Z.” Zayn shrugged refusing to admit shit.

“Doesn’t make it right.”

“True enough and maybe we all handled the situation wrong but you just got pissed at him for what he said while Lou literally almost had a breakdown. I think we were just reacting to _his_ reaction?”

“Yeah, I guess I get that.” They sat there in silence for a bit until Zayn finally looked at Harry pointedly.

“You could always tell me a bedtime story.”

“Huh?” Harry asked, playing dumb.

“About this forbidden love that got you locked up in a place like this all Buffy and Angel-esque.”

“Did you really just compare my love life to Buffy the Vampire Slayer?” Zayn nodded.

“And I regret nothing, now out with it.”

“There’s not much to say, really. I’m sixteen and perpetually horny and she was this sexy older woman who wanted me of all blokes, so who was I to turn her down? We got away with things for a little more than half the year before my dad walked in on us fucking in his bed.” Zayn listened with his eyes as wide as saucers.

“No fucking way.” He said not knowing if he were more surprised at Harry’s bollocks or the fact that he was into women at all.

When he says as much to Harry the taller boy has to bite his lip to keep from admitting that he’d been so desperate for intimacy of any kind that he’d taken whatever he could get. Which wasn’t fair to say or entirely true because he really did love Caroline and knew she’d only lied to protect them both, that they would be reunited soon enough.

“Haz you dog, shagging your nanny in your da’s bed of all places!” Harry chuckled and doesn’t bother to correct Zayn’s assumption that it was Mary who he’d slept with.

“It was more than just shagging Zayn we’re in love. She’s just waiting for me to turn eighteen and then we can go somewhere far from my dad, somewhere we can just be you know?” The smile slipped from Zayn’s face as he took in Harry’s serious tone and the way he spoke in present tense, he honestly believed his cougar lover was on the outside waiting for him.

“Uh, yeah I’m sure she is.”

“Yeah and in the mean time I’m going to have to do something about my Niall problem.”

“Niall problem? You mean the tension that could be cut with a dull butter knife? Yeah about that.” Zayn tisked, waiting for Harry to explain.

“I just…I’ve never liked someone as much as I do him, Zayn and I’m telling you this in the strictest of confidence but I want him so bad and I know all I’d have to do is give into him the next time he corners me and drops to his knees at my feet but I don’t want just that from him…I want it all I want kisses and cuddles, hand holding and secret smiles. I want to know what his favorite animal is, whether he prefers Coke to Pepsi and I want to tell him awful jokes just to see him smile but, but that seems so hard for him to _understand_.” Zayn shook his head in sympathy.

“It’s not that he doesn’t get it, he had you pegged that _first day_ in the caf Harry, you’re not exactly hard to read, but it’s _you_ who is having trouble understanding that you don’t go looking for love in a place like this—a regular hook up with the same person is really the best you’re likely to find, so why don’t you just take what you can get and call it a day?” Harry bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to fight the tears that wanted to fall.

“So it’s true then, I’m just another Justin Bieber to him? Some loser pining away?”

“Uh no definitely not, Niall wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole. They’re mates yeah but Justin rubs Niall the wrong way for some reason that he refuses to talk about, but with you he’s been different, it’s really frustrating him that you won’t mess around with him, especially because he _knows_ you want to but you’re just being a, and I quote: ‘ _bloody tampon about this’_.”  Harry hid his face in his hands and let out a long satisfying groan, his next words coming out muffled.

“Shit, I don’t fucking know what to do, all I’m sure about is I don’t want things to stay the way they are between us.” Zayn made a thoughtful noise.

“I’ll try to talk to him about it tomorrow in class after he’s had a bit of rest.”

“Yeah that sounds good, thanks Zayn.”  Harry dropped his hands in favor of throwing his roommate a grateful smile.

“No problem, you can make it up to me by letting me get at least two chapters read tonight in peace.” Harry stuck his tongue out at the other boy and called him a nerd, but otherwise made an agreeable face and headed to the bathroom for a shower before lights out.

XXX

They were in the middle of their Geography class when Ms. Phillips interrupted lecture with a knock on the door. Mr. Walsh called for her to enter and she did so toting a shy boy that could’ve easily been mistaken for Harry’s doppelganger.

“Sorry to disturb your class Mr. Walsh but we’ve just gotten a new enrollee and given his less then ideal arrival time Simon felt it best to show him to his classes straight away.”

“Ah, so I see well come on then Mr…” The boy cleared his throat mumbling out a name that could barely be heard by Mr. Walsh who stood less than a few feet away.

“Come again?” Aimee rolled her eyes good naturedly.

“This is George Shelley, come from Bristol, he’s a bit shy but I’ve told him that this year’s junior class was the best most welcoming class at MS, don’t make a liar out of me yeah?” She leveled them all with a playful glare before pinching one of George’s dimpled cheeks and leaving the way he’d entered.

Mr. Walsh held George up front for a bit asking some questions that Harry didn’t bother to try and hear. Instead he yelped out loud as Conor not so gently kicked him under the desk.

“What the fuck man?” The curly topped boy curse, reaching down to rub his wound. Conor only smirked back at him.

“Looks like you’re not going to be the new dimpled pretty boy for much longer.” Zayn tried not to laugh but in the end he just shook his head and leant forward to whisper in Harry’s ear.

“Don’t mean to alarm you but if you really do want to have anything with Niall you better act fast because it seems Niall likes what he sees…” Harry whipped his head around to see for himself and frowned at the way Niall was practically drooling in his seat, eyes trained on the new kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok hopefully that wasn't too bad and you don't hate me too much for fibbing but i didn't do it intentionally so it doesn't count right? lol. Narry in chap 13 fo sho and jelly! Zayn. 
> 
> Let me know what i'm doing wrong, what i'm doing right, who i need to kill off...wait what? Lol jk. But comments are like the toy at the bottom of the cereal box no lie!!!
> 
> <3 Jen


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies, so here is the next chapter and it didn't come out completely how I wanted it to but i'm making myself post it as it is because it's making me sick and angry and if i don't post it now I will just trash the whole thing and hate myself for doing so lol. Hopefully it isn't a complete and utter disappointment *pout*
> 
> P.s any and all 'sex' scenes I write tend to not be very detailed sorry, i will def try working on that in the future so they'll hopefully get better as the story progresses.

Harry watched as Mr. Walsh finally gestured for George to take a seat, the class room was by no means full so there were more than a few seats to choose from but to his horror he watched as Niall raised a hand to beckon the new boy over, only for Louis to stomp on the blonde’s foot, bless his heart and shake his head when Niall sent him a questioning look.  

Liam too looked like he was about to ask the boy to sit with them but, thought better of it when he spied the way Louis’ eyes were narrowed uninvitingly in George’s direction. With his plan now aborted, Niall was left to turn back to the new arrival and pout as he watched George make his way down the aisle of desks. Harry finally let out the breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding.

Then to Harry’s surprise George approached their little group and he frowned because he really didn’t want this new kid sharing any of his friends, Zayn—his roommate especially but because this technically wasn’t his group he knew he didn’t really have a say. Luckily Zayn shook his head pointedly at George’s approach, pitching his thumb towards the back of the room.

“Keep it movin’ Georgie.” Harry had never been more grateful for Zayn and Lou’s exclusiveness as he watched George sulk further down the aisle, headed either for The Wanted’s cluster of desks or to sit alone when someone finally spoke up, taking pity on the transfer.

“Reckon you can sit with us” A kid with big doe eyes and a charming smile said, Harry didn’t know much about him aside from his name, which was Jamie and that he sat with two other lads one Harry recognized from the last night’s fight in the caf: JJ and a broody looking fella who could be found more often than not with headphones on ignoring the world: Josh. Needless to say George didn’t hesitate to join them with a beaming smile that made Harry sick—it was so goddamn endearing and worst of all Niall couldn’t seem to take his eyes off him.

XXX

Of course George would be in their gym class and _of course_ Niall would offer to take the new kid down and hook him up with a uniform ‘like I did with Harry, Siva’. Niall ignored a stretching Harry as he passed him, headed for the locker room with George in tow, though he had to feel Harry’s eyes boring into his back, he just had to.

Harry went through the motions of warming up, but his mind was elsewhere noting how long it seemed to be taking Niall and George, wondered if it had taken Niall and himself this long. He was honestly about to suggest that coach send someone down after them when the two boys in question finally emerged. Niall cackling loudly while George blushed, smile a mile wide, in return.

The Cheshire native couldn’t help but eye the two for any telltale signs that George had received the same welcome to Mount Serenity treatment that he had his first day of classes. Looked for flushed skin, rumpled clothes…he zeroed in on Niall’s mouth, looking to see if it were anymore pink and swollen then it usually was from sucking someone off. He was relieved to see that it wasn’t. Harry was comforted by that fact at least, but not by much.

Niall was still ignoring him and had called George to guard in today’s basketball scrimmage and he was even more handsy with the blushing new kid then he had been with Harry. 

The taller boy huffed in anger and decided to focus on trying not to trip over his own pigeon-toed feet and half ass tried a hand at actually _guarding_ Omar which he was completely rubbish at, before he knew it Coach Siva was blowing the whistle to end the class period and sending everyone to the showers.

Once down in the locker room Harry took his time changing out of his uniform, and instead watched Niall and George from beneath his sweaty fringe. Watched at the blonde stood entirely too close to the bashful babe, speaking in that raspy hushed tone that had literally made Harry’s toes curl the first time he’d used it on him. He didn’t have the faintest idea what Niall was whispering but if the alarming shade of pink George was turning was any indication it wasn’t something you said to polite company over tea.

Without thinking Harry tore his shirt over his head and threw it into his locker, ripping his shorts and briefs down as well he didn’t even bothering to cover up with a towel as he stomped right by the pair and into the closest shower cubicle.

To Niall’s credit, he isn’t even really trying to make Harry jealous is the thing, he’s just sort of having a time making the shy boy turn such lovely and varying shades of pink and he isn’t blind George is bloody well fit, there’s something about his innocence that has drawn Niall to him and it isn’t like he has any reason to resist now does he? He won’t deny that his eyes had nearly popped out their sockets when Harry brushed by him wearing nothing but his birthday suit, his eyes momentarily locked on the perfectly round globes of the younger boy’s arse swaying with every step he took.

He’d just got finished asking George if he’s got any Irish in him, when the brunette answers ‘no’  Niall has to fight the urge to giggle and instead waggles his eyebrows and asks him ‘would you like some?’ he finishes the joke off by swiveling his hips dirtily.  George almost choked on his own spit in surprise as he quickly scrambled to his feet, forgoing the shower and racing out the locker room with his t-shirt backwards and inside out. Niall finally let himself laugh as he stripped and made his way to the showers.

Harry had farted around spying on Niall and George so long that when he entered the shower area he found it empty, the other students already headed for their next class.  He wondered if the other two were stalling, waiting for him to finish up so that they could have the locker room all to themselves, he didn’t know if that were true but he sure as hell wasn’t going to make it easy for them and instead took his sweet time soaping up with the body wash from the dispenser on the wall.

He jumps however when Niall enters the showers, whistling of all things and to Harry’s relief he seems to be alone. Harry listens for the water to be turned on to slip out of his own cubicle.  Tiptoeing over to the blonde’s shower cubicle, he takes a deep breath and before he could lose his nerve he gripped the curtain and slid it open to reveal a wet Niall, humming under his breath s he soaped his chest and abs. Harry’s mouth was nearly watering as he took in the sight.

With Niall somehow still oblivious to his presence Harry stepped under the shower’s spray behind Niall, the blonde nearly jumped out of his skin as the taller boy wrapped a long gangly arms around his chest, bringing his lips close to his ear.

“George not joining us then?” Niall’s heart was still racing slightly, but he no longer resembled a surprised wet kitten, so there was that at least. Deciding to play coy, he turns around to face Harry, noting the younger boy’s eyes blazing with shabbily concealed jealousy. Niall hooded his eyes and smirked.

“What’s it to you Haz, just being friendly—welcoming little Georgie to the neighborhood is all.” Harry rolled his eyes.

“Like you did me? You offer to suck him off too?” Niall had the nerve to shrug.

“Not yet… “

“He’s just the poor man’s Harry you know, that’s all he’ll ever be until you’ve had the real thing.” The brunette hissed into the shorter boy’s ear, biting down onto the lobe there just a tad bit too hard to drive his point home.

 “Is that right, you saying I could do better shouldn’t settle?” The blonde teased, nudging at Harry’s chin with his nose to bring their eyes to one another once more. Harry took in a shuddery breath, nodding once.

“But you don’t seem to want me, thought you’d rather go skipping along the lake singing kumbaya or summat?” Niall prodded, making Harry growl and all at once he grabbed the blonde’s hips, bringing their groins together in a sweet mesh that had both boys gasping in delight.

“Does that feel like I don’t want you?” The brunette gritted out through clenched teeth.

Harry leans in to kiss him but Niall ducks out of the way so that Harry’s lips meet the side of his neck instead and grins, reaching down to cup Harry’s throbbing erection.

“Feels like you want me pretty badly actually you’re dripping all over the place.” Harry could’ve blushed but what was the point, the blonde has been winding him up like bloody toy for days now, so it was a wonder he hadn’t already cum at the touch of Niall’s hand finally gripped around him.

“Yeah well, I believe I was promised some superb dick sucking, so how about you put your mouth where you money is.” The blonde snorted, shaking his head as he stroked Harry infuriatingly slow.

“Don’t think you’d last long enough for that mate and we’re kind of on a time limit here.”

“What? No, fuck man, but you promised!” Harry was not above pouting his lips in order to get his way, but his efforts were proving futile as Niall still refused to kneel.

“Coach’ll be down here any minute now though.” He reminded, his eyes trained on Harry’s rosy dick, drooling for him.

“I can hold out, swear.” Harry grunted and he really shouldn’t have said that and the taller boy realized this by the flash of challenge in Niall’s eyes.

“Oh yeah?” Niall asked simply and before Harry could blink he’d begun jerking him off at a maddening speed, while still maintaining a certain amount of finesse if it were possible, thumbing the slit at the head every other upward motion and gripping him with just the right amount of pressure.

Harry closed his eyes and tried to picture something unsavory to ward off his impending orgasm as he felt that all too familiar burning build in his belly that meant he was close to release, which he really didn’t want be, for the first time in his life Harry didn’t want to cum—not this soon anyway, but the blonde knew what he was doing so despite his best efforts Harry found himself leaning his forehead onto the shorter boy’s shoulder, eyes fighting to stay open and watch Niall work him at a fevered pace at the same time.

“Fuck… _fuck_ Niall I…” Harry barely had breath enough to warn the blonde, but Niall nodded anyway, biting his lip adorably in concentration.

“That’s right Haz, cum for me; wanna see you lose control for once.” That was all it took to get Harry to spill out all over the Irish boy’s fist.

Still panting a sweaty despite being under the shower’s warm spray, Harry pawed at Niall weakly but the blonde nimbly dances out of reach when Harry tries to return the favor.

“Meh, come on lemme do you now.” Harry slurred his words, feeling heavy and content but really wanting to show Niall that he could make him feel just as good, even if he’d never jerked another boy off before he’s done it more than enough times to himself in his sixteen years of life to know what to do. But much to Harry’s dismay the blonde shook his head again and turned the shower off, wrapping a towel around his waist for good measure.

“That’s alright mate, you’ll get me next time yeah, but for now they’re serving cheeseburgers and chips for lunch and we’re already late.”

XXX

Harry was being paranoid, as they sat eating with the others he couldn’t help but dart his eyes around the cafeteria wondering if anyone could tell what he and Niall had just done down in the locker room. They weren’t acting any differently toward one another and no one had even said anything about their lateness aside from Louis, clapping him on the back for getting things ‘all sorted out’ with the blonde.

But Harry still felt like there as a giant neon sign above his head that flashed exactly what they’d done nonetheless.

“Sorry Niall but George is a no.” Louis spoke out of nowhere.

“Excuse?” The blonde mumbled around a mouthful of chips.

“You know _George_ , the new kid? I’ve decided he isn’t getting in with us.”

“Is that right?” Niall made an annoyed face, having had quite enough of Louis always getting to call the shots.

“Yes, we’ve already got a dimpled pretty boy in our club, we’re all full up.” Louis pinched one of Harry’s dimpled cheeks for emphasis; somehow managing to avoid Harry’s batting hands of protest.

“Well how’s about we ask Jamie if we can trade ‘em then?” There was a collective gasp across the table as both Lou and Liam glared at him. The blonde finally smiled, holding his hands up in front of him.

“I’m just takin’ the piss lads, Haz knows I kind of fancy having him around, isn’t that right curls?” Harry really hoped his cheeks weren’t as inflamed as they felt as he nodded.

“I’m glad the pair of you have kissed and made up, was awful yesterday with you playing the avoidance game.” Louis admitted stealing a chip off Niall’s plate just to see if he could, when all five fingers remained on his hand he felt obligated to swipe it through ketchup and pop it into his mouth.

“Oh, we’re definitely good now and I guess it’s alright about George not being in with us, reckon I’ll just have to get to know him on my own then.” Liam shook his head, pointing a soggy fry at the blonde.

“Just don’t share anything you learn about him with us yeah, because something tells me you won’t get around to asking him his favorite footie player or whether he’s good at maths and I don’t fancy knowing what George Shelley _tastes_ like.” Niall nearly snorted milk out his nose he was laughing so hard.

XXX

The rest of the day passes uneventfully aside from Niall taking advantage of every opportunity he got to flirt with George, making both dimpled boys pink—George with embarrassment, Harry with envy. When Harry enters their room after Spanish he’s met with Zayn already heading out.

“Where’re you off to?” Zayn raked a hand through his wet hair.

“Going to go bum a fag off Biebs, I’ve been on edge all day for some reason and fucking Perrie is on the rag and therefore ‘not in the bloody mood’.” He’d pitched his voice higher to mimic hers so Harry couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Alright mate good luck with that.” Zayn sent him a two finger salute and continued on.

It had taken several promises to put a good word in for him with Niall for Zayn to convince Justin to go with him into the woods for a smoke, but eventually he wore with younger lad down. They were headed for his and Perrie’s makeout spot when a rustling of leaves and a low moan stopped them in their tracks. Zayn brought a finger to his lips, motioning for Justin to stay there and be quiet as the darker boy crept over to the pile of rocks he and Perrie usually snogged on only to frown at what he saw.

“The fuck do you think you are doing?” He growled, unable to hide his presence any longer. Louis and Max jumped apart at the booming voice, both shooting identical glares his way when they realized it was only him.

“Reading each other’s horoscopes, what does is bloody well look like?” The pixie-like boy spat, wiping the corners of his mouth, Max was a bit of a slobberer.

“Looks more like someone missed the rubbish bin when they took out the trash to me.”  Zayn shot back haughtily. Louis rolled his eyes but stayed otherwise silent, refusing to meet Zayn’s eyes.

Zayn to his credit, managed to keep his cool despite the fact that it was Max fucking George he found Louis with…of all the kids in this school to mess about with he had to pick his unofficial enemy? Really?

“Well then what’s the likes of you doing out here, you know it’s not good to litter.” Arguably, it wasn’t Louis’ best comeback but he was still a bit frazzled at being caught and the fire behind Zayn’s eyes was confusing as hell, he didn’t quite know what to make of it, on anyone else he might’ve thought it were jealousy he saw flashing behind those hazel eyes, but this was _Zayn._ Zayn, who was now shrugging his shoulders, moving closer and taking a seat on one of the rocks to their left.

“If you aren’t too busy we’ll just be out for a smoke then.” Zayn said, casually snapping his fingers at Justin for a fag and a light. Justin hurried over, handing the darker boy a cigarette, he ignored Zayn’s outreached hand and brought the lighter up himself much to the darker boy’s chagrin.

All eyes were on Zayn, watching incredulously as he took a calming drag off his cigarette, staring out at the woods as if he hadn’t a care in the world as if Louis and Max weren’t sat mere centimeters away from him still somewhat wrapped around each other.

“Are you serious? You’re going to stay here and do that?” Zayn shrugged, flicking his ash.

“Sure, why not. This is me and Perrie’s spot anyhow, so the way I see it it’s you that’s trespassin’.” They sat there a few more beats before Louis finally disentangled himself from Max and stood.

“Looks like we’ll have to finish this another time yeah?” He said, speaking to a spot just above the buzzed teen’s shoulder. Max made a frustrated noise, but nodded.

“Yeah alright.” He agreed and watched Louis’ ass as he walked off. When Lou was finally out of sight ax whirled around and shoved Zayn, nearly toppling the darker boy off the rock he sat on.

“Nice cockblock there Malik.” He sneered; moving out of reach of Zayn’s answering kick.

“Anytime _Maxwell_.” Zayn huffed back, deciding not to chase after the older boy as he too retreated back to the dorms.

“Shit man, Louis and _Max_ never thought I’d see the day, thought Lou had a little more class than that…but I was clearly mistaken.” Zayn rolled his eyes and had to bite his tongue to keep from telling Justin just what he thought of his opinion.

No one was allowed to talk bad about Tomlinson except him, what gave Bieber the right to say shit when he’d had a brief fling with Taylor, everyone knew not to go _there_ and yet he had and then had the nerve to complain when she went bat shit after the break up, writing him death threats—err songs and scaring off anyone who even looked at him sideways.

“Yeah well I reckon everyone makes mistakes.”

“Everyone has those days” Zayn raised an eyebrow and threw the last of his cigarette to the ground, stomping it under his boot before standing. Not even waiting to see if Justin had followed.

“Mate, you’re lucky you supply me with smokes, or I’d have disowned you for that one. Quoting bloody Hannah Montana…”

“Well you know where the quote came from so…” Justin trailed off with a smirk.

“I’ve got two younger sisters!” The darker boy argued. Justin stuck out his chest, not backing down.

“I’ve gotta kid sis myself you know.”

“That you weren’t even raised with.” Zayn reminded.

“Ok, you got me there.” Justin mumbled bitterly into his chest. Zayn sighed, deciding to take pity on his friend as they reached the second floor.

“Let’s just never speak of this conversation again and call it squares. I’ll see ya at dinner.” Justin looked up at this, nodding his head eagerly.

“Deal.”

XXX

Liam and Ed were lounging around in the common area of the main building or well Liam was lounging, Ed sat on the opposite end of the couch, strumming a nonsensical tune on his guitar, like he was oft to do. When Liam suddenly sat up, meeting the ginger’s eyes that were already trained on him.

“Why’d you try to you know?” He asked, in a shaky voice he’d wanted to know for a while now but Ed was weird when it came to talking about himself, you had to pick your moments perfectly with him and the time for asking why Ed had cut had just never presented itself but now that they’d grown so much closer Liam thought it was only right that Ed share since Liam was _always_ sharing with him.

“Off myself?” The ginger clarified, at Liam’s nod he sucked in a deep breath.

“Two reasons really. My girlfriend of four years had just broken up with me, but worse still I was sort of more relieved than sad because now I didn’t have to pretend anymore.” Ed continued to pick idly at the strings of his guitar as he spoke, Liam liked that about him.

“Pretend what?”

“That I liked kissing girls.” It was Liam’s turn to suck in a lungful of air, another subject he’d been near terrified to broach with his crush was the subject of his sexuality. He had his suspicions of course, something about the looks Liam sometimes caught Ed giving him when he thought the younger boy wasn’t looking, but one can never truly be sure until you get it from the source and now he knew, Ed fancied boys, that there was a slight chance that he maybe could fancy Liam as well.

“Oh.” Was all Liam could think to say, making Ed chuckle.

“I actually wrote a song about it during my first week here, wanna hear it?” At this Liam perked up.

“Yes.” Because even though he didn’t really relish hearing a song written for someone who Ed had once loved, someone who wasn’t him there was _never_ a time when he would decline the chance to hear Ed sing and play.

“It’s called _Moments_ …”

That’s exactly how Harry find them a few minutes later, he entered the main building because Louis sent him to find Liam after dinner, he instantly feels like he’s intruding on something important when he spies Liam and Ed all cozy on the couch. Both boys look up and Ed instantly scoots away from Liam, greeting Harry with a fist bump.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt but Lou was kind of worried when you just disappeared after dinner.” Liam actually brought a hand up to his mouth in worry.

“Oh jeez, I didn’t mean to worry Lou I just come here sometimes to find Ed…this is where all his best songs get written and I plan to be here for as many as I can so that when he makes it big I can say I knew him way back when.” Ed shook his head, blushing.

“Sounds like a plan Li all except for that making it big rubbish there in the middle, I keep telling you I’m no one special just a dope with a ‘tar and a dream from Framlingham.” Liam opened his mouth to protest but Ed made a show of looking at the time.

“Wow, is it really already 8:30? Think I’d better go put Nigel back into my room before tonight’s staff meeting. I’ll be catching up with you lads yeah?” The two brunettes nodded, both waving to the fleeing ginger’s back. Liam watches him go longingly but pats the now vacated seat for Harry, who doesn’t hesitate to fill it.

“Damn I’m sorry for ruining whatever was going on here.”

“Huh? Oh no it was nothing Haz, really he was just playing me this song he wrote for his ex girlfriend it was…man he is really going to change the world with his music someday, I just know it.” Liam closed his eyes, smiling as if he could already picture it.

“I’m sure he will, how about you come fetch me for the next jam session?”

“Will do.” Harry nudged Liam’s knee with his own.

“So, I sort of lied about Lou sending me to find you, I mean I asked him where you might’ve gone and he suggested I look here but he didn’t _send_ me, I came because I needed someone to talk to and you’re the only one I trust with this information.”

“What is it, are you in trouble, did Louis break something, did Niall lick someone without asking again?”

“No, no and no? Who did he lick?” The older boy waved off his question.

“Never mind that, tell me what’s bothering you before I explode here Harry.”

“Oh right, sorry. It’s just something’s happened between me and Niall.” Liam barely batted an eyelash.

“So you’ve finally caved then?” Harry had to do a double take.

“Come again?”

“Me and Lou have a bet going how long it would take before you gave into Niall’s advances and Louis had much more faith in you than I.” The curly topped boy shook his head, frowning at his friend’s audacity.

“Are you serious? You guys are the _worst_ mates ever.” Liam waved him off again.

“Not true, but I am sorry for making a joke out of this, you seem truly bothered by something, what’s wrong was it not uh, good?”

“Well yeah I kind of am, I didn’t mean for it to happen is the thing. Not this soon. I _want_ Niall alright, but then that’s not really a surprise is it?” He waited for Liam to shake his head no before continuing.

“Exactly, but like I’m not very experienced sexually or well I haven’t done much, and I’ve only ever been with one person and she was a girl, so I’m kind of out of my element with Niall…” Liam’s eyes widened significantly as Harry spoke.

“Oh crap are you not, I mean do you not like…” The older boy sputtered in alarm.

“Whoa, whoa I’m bi Liam, don’t worry we’re good there. I was just hoping we could get to know each other before sex became involved.”

“And has it become involved then?” Harry bit his lip and nodded.

“Big time, he jerked me off in the showers after gym and to answer your early question it wasn’t just good, it was _amazing_ , that’s why we showed up late to lunch.” Liam made an ‘aha’ face.

“Should’ve known something was up Niall is _never_ late to a meal, unless sex is involved.” Harry started to ask him just how many times something like this has happened with the blonde, but held his tongue.

“It’s all bloody George Shelley’s fault.”

“Who?” Harry pinched the bridge of his nose.

“The new kid Li, please do try to keep up.”

“Right right.”

“Yeah he’s cute isn’t he? Niall certainly seems to think so, from the moment he walked into Mr. Walsh’s class Niall couldn’t take his eyes off him and it’s driving me insane…I’ve never been this jealous of anyone in my entire life and Niall knows exactly what it’s doing to me too, he’s just eating up the attention and I just want to kiss that shit eating grin right off his perfect bloody face.” Harry had his hands tangled in his curls, tugging at them in frustration by the end of his rant.

“Erm, ok getting kind of graphic there aren’t we?” Liam tried to lighten the mood with a joke but Harry only pulled on his hair harder.

“Graphic, Jesus Christ Liam if you only knew the _thoughts_ that that Irish minx provokes within me…they could make a sailor blush that’s for sure.”

“So what do you plan to do now? Continue to let Niall jerk you off to keep his attentions away from George?” Harry stared down at his trainers as he shrugged.

“I don’t know, maybe?” Liam clucked his tongue disapprovingly.

“It’s not like I didn’t like it, I maybe wish he would’ve let me touch him back but…” The older boy cut him off.

“Wait he didn’t let you jerk him back?”

“No? Is that bad?” Liam made a thoughtful face, sitting back into the couch cushions.

“Not _bad_ necessarily, just a little _odd_ is all. I’m sure it was only because lunch was next period; you know how he gets with food. I’ll bet you’ll get him next time, if there _is_ a next time.”

“Oh hell yeah there will be, you can bet on _that_.”

XXX

That night as Harry and Zayn lay on their backs in their respective beds, listening to those damn crickets outside their window, waiting for the other to say something. Finally Harry cleared his throat.

“Bedtime confessions time yeah?” Zayn chuckled, but turned on his side to face Harry all the same.

“Don’t think we’ve got much else to confess.” Harry could just make out the darker boy‘s shoulders moving as he shrugged.

“Now that’s just not true is it, I’ve got four nipples. Think you ought to know as I like to be naked an awful lot and you were bound to find out sooner or later.”

“Does that really count as a confession?” Zayn teased and Harry could practically hear the eye roll in his voice.

“Yes it does.”

“Alright well my favorite color is blue.” Harry smiled up at the ceiling.

“Really? Cool mine’s orange.” Zayn snorted.

“The only thing I’ve ever won in life is a t-shirt for eating the most hot wings in a hot wing eating contest when he was thirteen.” Harry had t laugh at that.

“I can’t remember what my mother’s laugh sounds like anymore.” Harry said in barely a whisper, so low that he feared that Zayn hadn’t even heard him.

“Oh Haz…”  Harry quickly cut him off.

“It is what it is Zayn, thanks for humoring me but I’m pretty knackered.” Harry could tell that his roommate didn’t want to let things end on such a sour note, but also wanted to respect Harry’s wishes so he turned to face the wall instead.

“Yeah alright, night then.”

“G’nite.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone still reading and those of you who were sweet enough to leave comments and help motivate me to write/update. You're the bestest ever!!!
> 
> If this chapter wasn't complete shit could you maybe let me know pwease?
> 
> <3 Jen


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait...i apologize if this has a filler feel to it, it's probably because i have more exciting plans for chap 15...i apologize for the shitty turn this story takes at the very end...I. Apologize.

The rest of the week goes by uneventfully, except that that weekend Zayn apparently earned a trip into town, Harry surprisingly misses his roommate and shocks them both by hugging the older boy upon his return. Zayn grins as they part and pulls a Twix bar from behind his back and hands it to the dimpled boy who had confessed one night during ‘confessions’ to loving and missing them.

Liam and Niall had clamored into their room shortly after to ask Zayn what he’d gotten up to on the _outside_ , dragging a reluctant Louis in their wake. The sulky brunette immediately dropped dramatically onto Harry’s bed and entertained himself with twisting the youngest boy’s hair around his fingers to make dozens of little Shirley Temple-esque ringlets all throughout his head.

After Zayn had finished regaling his trip to the shops and showed off the new jeans and American basketball team _Miami Heats_ fitted hat he purchased with the monthly allowance his parents sent him. He doled out the little individual gifts he’d gotten for the others: a jumbo sized bag of Swedish fish for Niall and a pair of Buzz Lightyear shoelaces that he didn’t even really think Liam would actually wear but he’d seen them and thought of the older boy and bought them on a whim.

To his surprise Liam’s face lit up at the gift and before Zayn could blink the eighteen year old was already slipping off his left Chuck and pulling out the boring white laces that came with the shoes. Zayn watched him, pleased. Finally he turned to Louis who had yet to even make eye contact with the darker boy let alone speak to him but Zayn approached him all the same.

“Got you something too Tomlinson.” Louis’ head shot up looking part curious part disinterested. His features darkened however when the pack of spearmint Tic-tacs were tossed his way.

“For the next time you find yourself in the woods with Max George.” Zayn winked, smirking.

“Max George—“ The clueless three said all in one voice staring Louis down, who was now shooting literal lasers out his eyes at the raven haired boy.

“It’s nothing alright; just Zayn being a right git is all.” Zayn scoffed.

“Oh no, come on no need to be modest now, it seems your little _Louis_ has been keeping company with The Wanted’s leader and by keeping company I totally mean sucking face in the woods.” Zayn informed them, his voice dripping with distaste especially when he used Lou’s first name. Niall gasped.

“Seriously? Lou?” Harry asked, not meaning to sound as judgmental as he did.

“With _Max_?” Liam threw in, just as stunned as the others.

“You know what fuck you all, how are you just going to take _his_ word over mine?” Louis snarled, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at the carpet.

“Because it actually makes sense, you’ve been all m.i.a lately and now at least we know where you’re always sneaking off to.” Niall countered, chewing on a hangnail. He’d actually been worried the last couple of days fearing that Louis was avoiding being in their room and wondering what he’d done to upset him. Taking in Niall’s withdrawn demeanor Louis finally sighed out in annoyance.

“Oh for god sakes Niall, yes ok I’ve been spending time with Max a little more than usual but I assure you it’s _nothing_.”

“A _little_? But Lou you can’t stand The Wanted…Max George _especially_.” Liam reminded as if anyone needed reminding. Louis rolled his eyes.

“Yes I know but am I not allowed to change my opinion or did I miss the memo where I’m not allowed the most basic of human rights?”  Harry continued to squint his eyes at his older friend still not completely convinced, there had to be more to it then Louis was letting on but he could tell Louis was growing angry and he really didn’t want to upset his friend anymore than they already had so he finally just nodded.

“Of course you are Lou and if you ask me it’s kind of nice to see you branching out and making new friends yeah…show’s inner growth and all that. Was it Greg’s idea, to bury the ole’ hatchet with Max I mean?” Louis seemed to deflate with relief as he finally smiled.

“Sort of he said it couldn’t hurt to make friends outside my usual—oh that reminds me! Liam Greg said for me to pass a pat on the back to you for getting me to eat as much as you have been, he says my weight is looking better and better thanks to you so cheers.”  Louis leant over to stage whisper at Harry:

“I get weighed every week, but I never get to actually see the number so I have to take James’ word for it, but never the matter.” He pulled a face and scrabbled off the bed to climb into Liam’s lap instead who sat in Harry’s desk chair, making a show of patting the older boy on the back.

XXX

Before Harry knew it, it was Wednesday and he had his first therapy session with Nick. As he rushed from his Spanish class to meet Louis on the front steps so they could head over to therapy together he groaned inwardly as he witnessed Niall poking at George’s sides as they head back their rooms, the brunette’s giggles could be heard from space but to Harry it was like nails on a chalkboard.

He didn’t get the chance to dwell on this however because Louis was at once nudging him in the shoulder with his own and shooting him a sympathetic smile. Harry tried to return it and if the corners of his mouth were just a tad bit shaky neither boy mentioned it.

“Race ya to the main building.” Lou cried over his shoulder, already taking off in a run. Harry called him some choice words and chased after, hoping that his longer gazelle like legs would help give him the upper hand.

XXX

Despite Louis’ generous head start Harry was still the first to the building, making a show of holding the glass door open for him to walk through. The shorter boy did so with a grumbled ‘payback is certainly a bitch Curly, do remember that’.

Louis’ assigned counselor Greg James’ office was the first door on the right so Harry waved to Louis and continued down the hall until he found Grimshaw’s, exactly four doors later he came upon Nick’s opened doorway, the tall man was sat in his chair, legs crossed at the ankles on his desk, listening to music with his hands behind his head. Harry couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Fan of _The Cure_ then Grimmy? Nice.” Harry commented by way of greeting, Nick shot him a slow grin as he entered and closed the door behind him.

“Right on time Styles…have a seat.” Nick moved to turn the music off then thought better of it and simply lowered the volume so that it was more background noise than anything else. Harry smiled his appreciation as he sank down onto the plushy couch along the wall. Nick watched him with semi-interest as he dug blindly around into one of his desk drawers for a notebook and his trusty clicky pen.

“So as you’d imagine I’m pretty much here to listen to you, for forty-five minutes once a week I am here for you to basically get anything you’d like off your chest and for the most part everything you say within these four walls is confidential. Excluding anything that could cause you or anyone else harm of course and because this is a troubled youth center there are also a few other exceptions to the confidentiality clause sadly but between you and me I don’t tend to follow all the rules—especially if we get on really well. So take that however you like.” Nick finished with a wink that should’ve sent Harry’s skin crawling but it didn’t, if anything Harry would admit he was completely charmed by the taller man already.

“Uh ok.” Opening the notebook to a clean page, Nick brought the end of his pen up to his chin, tapping it lightly there as he spoke:

“Of course we will eventually have to delve into the behaviors and habits that brought you here in the first place I’m afraid but it’s not my inherent mission to make you uncomfortable from the jump off so we’ll ease ourselves into that yeah?”

“Yeah” Harry breathes out in one big whoosh of air not even realizing that he’d been holding his breath this entire time. Nick clapped his hands together, delighted,

“Alright, now that we’ve got all that necessary rubbish out of the way how _are_ you Harry, how are you liking it here at Mount Serenity so far?” Harry hesitated, biting his lip because he honestly didn’t even know where to begin, the only thing that immediately came to mind was five foot seven inches of cheeky blonde, blue  & Irish and bloody George Shelley but of course he couldn’t tell Nick about that at least not _yet_ —he’d wait until they built up a certain amount of trust between them first before he went there.

It wasn’t that Mount Serenity had a no dating rule because it was a high school and they were hormonal teenagers after all to think there wouldn’t be any kind of dating was a joke but sexual intercourse was of course banned that’s why there were monitors roaming the halls of every floor nightly. So there was no way that Harry was telling Nick about the perpetual state of sexual frustration Niall put him in or his jealousy of George Shelley who Harry is almost 95% sure Niall is fucking when he wouldn’t even let Harry _wank him off_ in the gym showers! He realized he was breathing hard and he had yet to utter a single word, trying to compose himself as best he could he flipped his fringe out of his eyes to buy himself a little more time before offering Nick a confident smile.

“It’s a bit of alright here actually, doesn’t exactly have _all_ the comforts of home as advertised in the brochures but it’s a beautiful property—quite picturesque one might even say.” Harry finished with a dimpled smile which Nick fought not to roll his eyes at.

“That it is and you’ve made friends I’m sure…Cowell is rather impressed with the bond you’ve managed to form with our little Louis.”

“Yes he’s great! I was sort of surprised that he wanted to be friends with _me_ —that _anyone_ would want to be friends with me actually, Back home I wasn’t exactly popular, in fact I didn’t have a single friend to call my own. And now thanks to Lou I’ve met Liam, Aiden, and uh, Niall.” Nick nodded encouragingly.

“You’re close with your roommate as well no?” Harry nodded back enthusiastically.

“Zayn is…you promise none of this leaves the office right?” Harry cautioned almost chewing his lips raw now. Nick made a show of drawing a cross on his chest with his index finger. Harry rolled his eyes but continued anyway.

“Zayn is seriously like the brother I’ve always wanted, like all the boys are but Zayn he—he likes people to think he’s some tough shit bad ass right but he’s actually the biggest teddy bear on the planet and he’s really been helping me through…stuff since coming here.”

“Stuff?” Nick prodded gently, curiously and Harry froze before flipping his wrist nonchalantly.

“Oh you know the usual transition from out there to in here, he’s also introduced me to a couple of people Biebs, Perrie, Conor…but I’m not as close to them as I am Lou’s friends if I’m being honest. I think it’s hilarious that I went from being a social leper to gaining the trust and respect of two of the school’s elite.” Grimmy made a noise of understanding, jotting a few notes down before making eye contact once more.

“It can’t be easy though, that they can’t stand each other.” The curly topped boy shook his head sadly.

“No it isn’t, but I’d never be able to choose between them, luckily they haven’t asked me to, it’s just so frustrating because there’s so much more there than them simply not getting along.” At this Nick couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh do you mean the fact that they totally want to fuck each other’s brains out?” Harry nearly choked on his last inhale of breath.

“Sorry?” This time Nick did roll his eyes with a toothy grin.

“You’re not the only one with eyes and keen observational skills you know, it is kind of part of my job and even though I’m technically not his counselor Tommo tells me things from time to time, we have little chats over shitty cafeteria coffee and a lot of the things he’s told me Jesus Christ it’s like listening to the plot of a teen angst romance novel, if it wasn’t guaranteed to get me sacked I’d have locked them in a room with a bottle of lube and condoms a long time ago. But there’s no reasoning with that little menace.”

After the initial shock wore off Harry found himself agreeing with Nick and they spent a few more minutes comparing notes on the incorrigible monster that was Zouis before Nick effectively brought the subject back on point, asking him if there were any other new developments in his life and Harry was only slightly embarrassed to admit that the most exciting thing to happen to him in the past week (aside from the shower sex and George’s arrival that is) was:

“I created a facebook page.” He admitted with a sheepish shrug.

XXX

When Harry’s time came to an end Nick commended them on a good start and told him he’d see him same time next week but to drop in whenever he needed. Harry promised he would and left. Louis was waiting in the lobby on the same couch Ed and Liam usually hung out on; he jumped up at the sight of him though and tugged him in the direction of the exit with a frown.

“Not a good session then I take it?” Louis made an agreeable noise and sighed.

“Greg says my mum wants to bring the girls up for a visit.” Harry stopped walking and just stared at Louis’ back until the older boy noticed and doubled back.

“Wait, that’s allowed? Visits I mean?” He asked bewildered. Louis nodded slowly.

“Yeah well, it’s not really common, but technically after you’ve been enrolled for about a month your family is permitted to visit, it’s just usually our parents dump us here and then forget about us, as long as we’re no longer _their_ problem you know?”

“Oh, so only family then?” Harry questioned as they resumed walking.

“I think a friend can like tag along with your family if they’d like but at least one family member has to be present yeah.”

“Are they allowed to take you off campus somewhere?” Louis made an annoyed sound, frowning at the ground.

“Mmhm. Mum will probably want to take me out to eat as fucking if you know?” Harry shrugged despite the fact that Louis wasn’t looking.

“At least she’s trying?” At this Louis did finally look up, eyes blazing.

“She’s not really though, she just knows I can’t not eat in front of the girls especially now that Fizz and Lottie are old enough to actually understand what’s going on…you don’t know my mum Haz you think something as insignificant as me being in _recovery_ for a _disorder_ would make her let up on me but it won’t she’ll start right in with her criticizing. I can already hear her asking me: why I’m not well already, how my marks are, is my body still up for sport, am I keeping it in my bloody pants…” Sometime in the middle of his little rant Louis had begun to hyperventilate, without thinking Harry wrapped the slighter boy in his arms from behind and rocked him gently, murmuring soothing nonsense into the side of his head, it did the trick as Louis’ breathing calmed and his eyes no longer looked glazed and far off.

“Fuck, fuck!” Louis shouted suddenly kicking at the dormitory entrance to try and release some of his aggravation, it worked slightly so he did it again and then a third time before turning so his back was to the door and slumped against it, drained.

“She doesn’t have to come up though right? Not if you don’t want her here, if she’s just going to mess with your head more that can’t be good for your recovery right?” Louis made an aborted hand gesture.

“Suppose so but there’s no way I’m going to actually say no, not to the girls. I couldn’t do that to them.” Harry saw the resolve on the older boy’s face and left it at that.

“Well I think we best head in yeah, those clouds look pretty angry bet we’re in for a right down pour any minute now.” Louis nodded his agreement and the two ducked into the building just as the first drops started to fall. They split at the second floor as usual but this time Harry called up to Louis who was already halfway up the next flight of stairs:

“Hey Lou think you could stop by my room a little before dinner tonight? Bring Niall and Liam with you.”

“Uh, sure but why?” The curly topped boy just shook his head with a wink.

“It’s a surprise.”

XXX

Zayn watches with mild curiosity as Harry builds a stack of textbooks using both his own and his roommate’s on his desk chair, which he’s set up in between their beds. He’s just about to cave and ask Harry what the hell he was doing when there’s a sudden knock at their door and without waiting for a reply whoever is on the other side comes barreling in and of course it’s Tomlinson. Zayn scowled then smiled when he saw Niall and Liam enter seconds behind and figured this visit wouldn’t be a _complete_ nightmare.

Apparently the other boys were just as clueless as to what was going as he was if the way they all took turns eyeing Harry’s handiwork in confusion. Niall was the first to give up and glided across the room to flop down on Zayn, not his bed but physically on top of Zayn’s sprawled body, earning a groan of pain from the darker boy before he squirmed around on the bed to make room for the blonde to lie back to his front.

Zayn might’ve imagined the way Harry’s eyes darkened as he took in their quite intimate position before they darted away again. Instead he motioned for Louis and Liam to climb onto his bed which they did without question, even Tomlinson which really surprised Zayn.

“So Grimmy suggested something for me to do during therapy today as sort of homework …he told me to take a group photo and make it my profile picture, that is if you guys don’t mind?” Harry finished, setting his basic Kodak camera on top of the stack of books.

“Why the hell would we mind?” Louis said at the same time that Zayn asked:

“All of us?” Harry chewed his lip nervously and shrugged at Louis before turning to address Zayn.

“I’d like for it to be.” He said, casting puppy eyes in Louis’ direction, but the older boy shook his head crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’m out if he’s in.” Louis said simply, fixing Zayn with a steely glare he was still really pissed at him for blabbing about him and Max.

“Aw come on Tommo let’s try and be just a little bit adult about this?” Niall spoke up surprisingly; usually it was Liam’s job to be the voice of reason. Louis’ glare didn’t falter.

“I am being adult about it, no hard feelings Haz if you choose to have Malik in your photo instead of moi, honest.” Zayn rolled his eyes completely unaffected and shoved Niall off of his bed. The blonde hit the carpet with a squeak.

“Better get over there then Nialler.” The blonde looks up at him his wounded look melting into understanding as he climbs to his feet and with a quick pat to Zayn’s knee he joins the pile of boy already formed on Harry’s twin mattress. Harry shook his head in amusement before rearranging them so that Niall and Liam sat bookending Louis with a space left empty for himself between the blonde and Lou.

 Harry set the timer of his camera for thirty seconds and dashed to the bed to fill the space as the countdown began. As he sat with an arm flung around Louis’ shoulder and the other curled at Niall’s waist he debated whether to smile with or without teeth when without warning a deft finger danced its way down the crack of his ass. Harry yelped, turning accusing eyes at Niall’s innocent blues just as Zayn who had moved to the door under the illusion that he had to use the restroom smiled mischievously and at the last possible second dove across the others’ laps just as the camera’s flash went off.

Later when Harry reviews the picture he thinks it’s pretty perfect, that everyone's faces seem more representative of each boy then the posed smiles they'd originally planned. Niall who had his head thrown back in laughter showing off his braces, Liam's bushy eyebrows lost in his hair line and his eyes crinkling into nonexistence and Louis whose eyes were narrowed as he squawked and tried to push Zayn off him.

Harry’s own eyes were wide as saucers and his mouth frozen in a giant ‘o’ he didn’t even mind that he wasn’t looking at the camera, but at the Irish boy (that itself was pretty telling as well) and lastly Zayn all spread out on the others  looking like a rebel without a cause until you saw the tongue hanging goofily out his mouth that is and yeah it was the perfect profile picture and he refused to change it no matter how much Louis pouted and glared in his direction after he uploaded it.

“Come on lads I’ve got a date with a plate of three cheese lasagna and I don’t wanna be late.” Niall said suddenly, trying to ease the sudden tension between Louis and Harry. Liam seconds him, as does his stomach when it grumbles rather loudly making the entire room burst out in laughter.

XXX

 

Niall and Liam were already at the table and eating having all but sprinted to the caf without waiting to see if the others were following. So Louis, Harry and Zayn were left still on line, slowly filling their trays with food or well Harry and Zayn did Louis grabbed a small garden salad, no dressing, a fat free yogurt and a bottle of water and called it a day.

Zayn was the first to split off, headed to his usual table without a word, Harry sighed and wondered if there would ever come a day where his friends could all sit at the same table and eat in harmony as he walks over to join Niall and Liam. He pauses however when he realizes Louis isn’t following. He turns his head only to gasp when he sees just where Louis is off to.  The older boy looks up and meets his eyes as he takes a seat at The Wanted’s table. Harry almost has to rub his eyes because he had to be dreaming he thinks as he numbly sits beside Liam.

The three boys share a look before returning their gaze to the missing boy, just in time to witness Max trying to feed Louis a forkful of his lasagna using the ‘here comes the aeroplane’ method to which Louis laughed overly loud at, though it never reaches his eyes and playfully bats him away. He seemed to be having a well enough a time hanging out with Max and tolerating Nathan, the other two however go completely ignored.

Zayn couldn’t keep his eyes from sliding over to The Wanted’s table, barely touching his food and unable to focus on any of the various conversations circling his own table, so after the third time someone had to snap their fingers in front of him to get his attention Zayn finally gave up and mumbled something about not being very hungry. He stood to dump his tray and head back to his room when instead he turned and made his way over to where Niall, Liam and Harry’s sat, plopping down next to the blonde without a word and swapped his untouched plate for Niall’s empty one, much to the blonde’s pleasure.

“Please tell me I’m not the only one sitting here in a whole heap of confusion.” The darker boy grumbled searching first Liam then Harry’s faces for answers.

Feeling their attention on him, Louis slid cool indifferent eyes towards them before whispering something in Max’s ear and opening his mouth wide. The buzzed boy grinned and once again made like his fork was an aeroplane headed for Louis’ mouth this time it met its target as Louis closed his mouth around the forkful of pasta and chewed it merrily. Liam winced from across the room because not even he had ever been able to get Louis to try the lasagna because cheese had a shit ton of calories that Louis refused to subject his body to, he only hoped Louis didn’t plan to make up for it later with his head in a toilet.

“No Z, you’re definitely not the only one.” Harry said, too stunned to even attempt another bite.

“You reckon they’re going to be a thing now a, you know item?” Niall piped in not even waiting until he’d finished chewing the glob of lasagna in his mouth. Zayn and Harry remained silent and confused so Liam offered

“I don’t really know Ni, a week ago I’d probably laugh at you and say never but then I’d have done the same thing if you asked me if I thought Louis would ever make out with Max in the woods or sit at The Wanted’s table being spoon fed by Max George so I…I have no clue.” Liam finished, pushing his plate away and burying his face in his hands.

“You know what boys I think this calls for an intervention.”

“A what?” Liam asked, eyebrows screwed up in confusion. Harry reached down to pat his knee.

“We need to find out what’s up with Louis, he’s clearly upset about something and this is his way of acting out.”  Zayn sat up straighter, shooting Harry a surprised look.

“Whoa, you’re a right perceptive little git aren’t ya?” Zayn said, softening his words with an awed smile.

“Thanks I think, it’s probably due to intro to psychology course. How does tomorrow after classes sound?”

“Can’t, I’ve got therapy with Tulisa at that time.” Zayn informed them, tapping a rhythm on the tabletop with the tips of his fingers to distract himself from the fact that he could _really_ go for a cigarette right now.

“Uh, no offense Zayn but I don’t think it’s best that you be involved given that it’s _Louis_ and well…you know.” Harry trailed off, pointing toward the oblivious boy in question. Zayn shook his head, embarrassed.

“Oh yeah, duh.” He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Right what about you two?”

“Tomorrow’s good for me.” Liam said, downing the last of his fruit punch.

“Me too.” Niall agreed.

“It’s settled then, for now I think I’m going to just head back to my room, oddly seeing Louis with Max has seriously taken away my appetite.”

“Leave ya plate here then will ya.” Harry shot the blonde an incredulous look, making a show of eyeing first his rail thin torso and then the two empty plates he’d already breezed through.

“Erm, sure?” He trailed, placing the remainder of his lasagna on the pile of empty plates the Irish lad seemed to be collecting.

“Ta mate.”

“I think I’ll head back with ya Haz.” Zayn muttered collecting his tray up and following Harry to the rubbish bins.

XXX

Bedtime confessions is a miss that night when Harry comes back from his shower to find Zayn already snoring away in his bed so he shakes his head and powers up his macbook to check his email before lights out. Double clicking the mailbox icon he quickly scans the newest emails’ subjects, deleting four ads two for male performance enhancement pills, another for a penis enlargement pump and the last one for a chance to win a free cruise. Harry rolled his eyes and wondered how they’d gotten his email address and why his spam folder was sleeping on the job.

He noticed he had a few messages from his fave blogs and bloggers but after glancing at the time he figured they’d have to wait until tomorrow when he had more time. He had a few notifications from facebook for more friend requests the last new mail had the ominous subject of:  its not a first date unless…from an email address he didn’t recognize @lilliesmakemehappi. Looking to Zayn’s clock a final time he saw he had enough time to check the email out quickly before he had to get up and switch the light off. He clicked the message open.

**Subject:** its not a first date unless…

_…you show up with_

  * _a pack of gummy bears_
  * _a bouquet of lilies_
  * _tight trousers_
  * _a bow tie_



_Hello love,_

_Do you remember that night? Our first official ‘date’ if you could even really call it that since we didn’t even leave the house. But you’d dressed up for me and bought me prezzies and you looked so nervous it was adorable and I probably knew right then how much I loved you, I was a goner from the start, though I didn’t say those words to you until weeks later. I miss you my sweet, so much and I hope you haven’t met someone up there who is more wonderful than I and have forgotten all about me. I saw you made a facebook page and have made some friends, good on you; maybe you can friend me when I make one of my own. And Harry I do hope you understand why I…I hope you know I love you and that I’m still waiting. I will always wait. Email back if you like, if not I’ll take the hint. I really hope to hear from you though._

_Love always,_

_Lily_

Harry must’ve read and reread the email a dozen times before he finally slammed his laptop closed and curled up on his side in a ball, his cheeks already drenched with tears. She’d found a way to contact him, she hadn’t forgotten him; Caroline still loved him and was still waiting for him. Tears of joy soon turned to actual sobs that he had to muffle with his pillow in order not to wake Zayn when he remembered Niall and what he was feeling for him, what he wanted to do to him, what he’d _already_ let Niall do.

It was cheating not only physical but emotional cheating, he loved Caroline there was no getting around that, the truth of the matter was that if they hadn’t gotten caught they’d still be happily together and he’d never even know Niall existed.

You also never would’ve met _Louis, Zayn or Liam_ a voice inside his head reminded him and let’s be real did he really want to live in a world where he didn’t know Niall? Pushing images of him and Caroline from his mind he replaced them with Niall’s infuriatingly sexy smirk, his dancing blue eyes, his infectious laugh—thought of those rough callused hands roaming all over his wet naked body in the showers and shook his head because no he really didn’t.

Maybe things would never be more than physical between them, after all Niall didn’t seem to want more from him and now that he was reminded that Caroline was back home waiting for him maybe he didn’t either, maybe this was the answer he’d been looking for the whole time, this thing with Niall was temporary, convenient so he could stop trying to push the blonde for more, after all once he left Mount Serenity they’d probably never see one another.

Rolling out of bed Harry quickly flipped the light switch down before whoever was on hall monitor duty could come banging on their door and stripped down to his underwear before slipping underneath his covers, he didn’t fall asleep for a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I don't like what i did there at all and i don't want to give too much away but just don't worry ok? I don't think Harry's that kind of guy at heart so maybe he won't be able to stick to his guns? I dunno what i was thinking giving Caroline access to him *bad Jen bad*


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all this chapter is dedicated to my girl Ari (arikrll) without whom the intervention never would have happened, she talked me through a near panic and gave me awesome ideas how to _get er done_ lol so thanks girl. Having said that the intervention ended up being way longer than I first anticipated so yeah didn't get to the Narry I promised...BUT having said THAT lol I have chapter 16 already half written and will post that, which WILL have the narry in it if its the last thing I do posted later tonight, so two updates in one night, say whaaaaa?

Liam sat at their usual table, spearing and unspearing the same piece of broccoli on his plate with his fork as he tuned out what his friends were saying, focused instead on Ed sat clear across the cafeteria, this was nothing new of course but what was unusual was the abnormally _fitted_ shirt he was wearing today. Gone were his standard baggy concert tees and hooded sweatshirts bought intentionally two sizes too big.

Instead he wore a black t-shirt with the alphabet in white print on the front but with the letters I, O & U highlighted in red and the O was replaced with a heart. It was rather adorable and oh-so- _Ed_ it made Liam a little weak in the knees but more than that he couldn’t drag his eyes away from the way the cotton pulled tight around Ed’s chest and arms, making his muscles bulge deliciously and had Liam checking to make sure his tongue wasn’t hanging out of his mouth like a famished wolf.

“—directly after our last class today, alright Liam?” Liam blinked his eyes and turned to face Harry who stared at him expectantly he began to blush when he realized he had no idea what the taller boy had been saying.

“Uh, sorry?” He asked, clearing his throat and shifting slightly in his seat to ease the sudden pressure in the crotch of his jeans. Harry frowned.

“Seriously, Li focus mate Louis’ll be back any minute now.” That’s when he noticed the other boy’s absence from the table and looked to see him refilling his cup of sparkling water at the soda fountain machine. Shaking his head to do as told and _focus_ , fighting the urge to glance over at Ed’s table once more, he nodded.

“As I was saying I think we should all meet up in Lou and Niall’s room straight after classes let out, it’d be best to hold the you-know-what in his room where everything is familiar and maybe this all will feel like less of an ambush.”

“I’ll even smuggle out a few juice boxes as well.” Niall threw in trying to lick the last bit of crumbs from his bag of crisps. Harry shot the blonde a confused look, then thought better of it and waved him off.

“Sounds good to me Haz.” Liam said to show he’d actually been paying attention this time. Harry shot him a thumbs up, unable to actually vocalize the sentiment as Louis approached their table once more.

“Bloody machine conked out on me, after waiting behind smelly Nellie and tapping Fred all that time it gets to me and womp-womp, nothing. So now I’ll have to drink my water flat and I was really looking forward to the fizz.” Louis was legit pouting and if it wasn’t so adorable Harry might’ve bopped the older boy on the head for being a prima donna.

“The absolute nerve.” Niall agreed, amusedly. Louis nodded.

“Here here. Well the hell if this isn’t turning out to be a horrible no good very bad day, I don’t know what is.” Harry sat up straighter in his seat, gnawing his lip worriedly should they even go through with the intervention then, if Louis was already irritated? Liam met his eyes from across the table and nodded subtly.

After all he’d known Louis a lot longer than Harry had and with Louis there was _always_ something to complain about, if they waited for a day where everything in Louis world was right as rain they’d be waiting forever and this intervention would never happen. Because that was just Louis’ nature, to find something wrong with the world and ultimately be miserable about it. He claimed it made him appreciate the good things and the times when things actually _did_ go his way that much more, if he was always looking forward to the suck (his actual words.)

The lunch bell rang not long after that and the boys all dumped their trays and headed for their lockers to grab their necessary texts.

XXX

For once Harry was the first one out the door before even Niall, after Senorita Minogue dismissed the class and he quickly stopped off at his locker before dashing out the school’s main doors. Making sure his face was neutral as he approached Louis stood in his usual spot. It had become their routine to walk back to the dorms from their classes together, with Louis usually waiting for Harry because his Spanish class was literally held on the other side of the building, you couldn’t get any further in fact so the walk coupled with having to switch out his books at his locker Louis almost always beat him out.

It was fine though Louis never seemed put out about it, he would just jump right in to complaining about whatever happened in gym (his final class) to piss him off that day, today it was how much he really hated the school showers.

“Nearly scalded my right arse cheek I did, but of course as I reach to turn down the hot water the water decides to turn ice cold and made me shriek like a little girl.” Harry tried to laugh when appropriate but his mind was on other matters at the moment, namely what he planned to say to Louis during the intervention, he’d tried thinking some while he lay staring blankly at the ceiling last night not sleeping because of the email he’d received.

He was dying to tell someone about it, ask their advice like whether he should send Caroline a reply or not but that would require actually telling someone about his relationship with Caroline, his _step mother_. Something not many people would understand let alone accept, though he did have a feeling that if anyone would listen without judgment it would be the friends he’s made here. After all like Louis said they’ve all got their own demons that sent them to Mount Serenity, so what if his was a little more taboo?

Before he knew it they were on the dormitory stairs. Louis raises an eyebrow when he doesn’t turn off on the second floor, but otherwise doesn’t question him as he follows the older boy up to his room. Once the door is swung open Harry realizes they’re the first one’s there. He takes a seat at the foot of Louis’ bed and laughs when Louis drops trou without warning right in front of him, shimmying out of tight jeans and replacing them with comfy sweatpants before leaping onto the bed beside him.

“So to what do I owe the honor of your company this afternoon? Can’t be my birthday that was last month…” Louis grabbed his favorite pillow and fluffed it a bit before putting it behind his head and snuggling down into it.

“Oh yeah when about?” 

“Twas the night before Christmas when all through the flat, me mum was screeching her head off going into labor with this here asshat.” He finished his little rhyme by pointing proudly at his own chest.

“Christmas Eve, really? That must bite.”

“Eh, not really birthdays have never really been a big deal in my house. I’ve made it such for the twins, like to see them and the other girls as well get what I didn’t growing up when I can that is, can’t do much for them these days being here but I try to still be there for them through facebook chat and emails.”

“That’s really cool of you; I can tell you really love them, you literally light up whenever you talk about them.” Louis preened.

“Yeah they keep me sane most days.” He admitted and all at once Harry was nervous again.

“Look can I, can I ask you something personal?” Louis beaded his eyes, moving so he was facing Harry now, not just lying beside him.

“You can ask, no promises I’ll answer.”

“Fair enough, it’s just something is up with you lately and I know we haven’t known each other that long but I honestly feel like I’ve known you my whole life. We have a connection here Lou and I’d like to think that if there was something going on, something big that you’d let me in, you don’t have to do any of this alone, not anymore.” By the time he paused to let that all sink in Louis was sniffling and rubbing at his eyes.

“Was there a question in there somewhere curly, I kind of got distracted by this bug that must’ve flown in my eye…tends to happen being way up here in the sticks.” The older boy lied, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. Harry didn’t comment.

“Oh right I just wanted to know what’s wrong, like is it because your mum might come up for a visit or?”

“She’s definitely coming, she’ll be here Sunday.” He paused to sigh. “Suppose I should tell you a little bit more about my mum then. Well she’s, to put it nicely quite…promiscuous. All of us save for the twins have different fathers and our house might as well have a revolving door because the men she brings home never stay very long, after Phoebs and Daisy she finally got her tubes tied, thank the lord but now without the risk of pregnancy the amount of men parading in and out of our—the _girls’_ lives has doubled. For the most part they’re alright sorts, never really pay much attention to us truth be told, they have one objective and it lies beneath my mother’s knickers. They’re smart too getting out when they do, my biggest fear has always been that one of these men, any of them might touch one of my sisters but luckily that nightmare has never come true, knock on wood.”

“She’s also got a bit of an alcohol dependency problem so most of her paychecks tend to go on that and her cigarettes, I’ve been working since I was just twelve, shoveling snow in the winter, mowing lawns in the summer and walking dogs all year ‘round anything I could do under the table until I was old enough for my working papers so that I could help buy groceries and the few odds and ends the girls _wanted_ , because they were little girls that deserved baby dolls of their own and colorful ribbons and headbands for their hair, you know pretty things. The thing is you remember when I told you my mum blamed me for all of her shortcomings in life?” He paused, waiting for Harry’s nod.

“Well because of this, she’s over critical about my every waking movement. Now to some this might look like a mother who loves her child dearly and only wants the best for him, for him to strive to be his utmost in life and maybe she does who knows, but she goes about it in all the wrong ways. Do you know that to this day after almost four months in this school she still thinks I’m faking my illness? Swear it; she thinks I’m just seeking attention, actually called me an attention whore more than once on the drive up here, and claims I’m using this place as some sort of holiday away from my responsibilities.”

 

Harry had to laugh though it was without any actual humor at the thought, because this place was more like a prison then a vacation resort.

 

“Like literally the night after my school counselor pretty much forced her to sign the papers enrolling me here she screamed and cursed my name calling me selfish and a faker and then after downing a few shots she began cursing Ms. Peirce’s name calling her a nosey cunt, made sure everyone in the house, hell the neighborhood knew there was nothing wrong with wanting to look good, that there was nothing wrong with my weight loss. Did you know that Haz, that there is nothing wrong with a seventeen year old boy weighing six stone?”

 

The taller boy couldn’t stop the gasp from passing his lips, he knew the boy in the pictures on Louis’ walls and desk was thin but Jesus Christ _six stone_ was alarming.

 

“That was my lowest weight and she couldn’t see that there was something wrong, that I was _sick._ All she could think about was that now I wouldn’t be there to take care of the girls and help her buy the food.”

 

Harry sat there silent, watching Louis get lost in thought for a moment, as he looked toward the door wondering where the hell Liam and Niall were. As if he’s summoned the blonde telepathically the door suddenly opened to reveal a grinning Niall but to Harry’s horror he wasn’t alone. Instead he watched George fucking Shelley standing in the doorway smiling bright as anything.

Niall at least had the decency to shoot them an apologetic look before he went rushing to his side of the room; reaching under his pillow he quickly dug something out from under it. He comes up with a battered looking notebook and returns to George who hadn’t ventured past the doorway, having taken note of the twin glares from Harry and Louis that told him he wasn’t welcome. Niall tries to grin extra bright to make up for the other’s coldness as he hands George the notebook.

 “I don’t show many people this cause I don’t think I’ve got much of a way with words but Liam seems to think I’m a bit of ok, but then again it’s _Liam_ he’d tell ya the sky was green if he thought it would make you happy…so just give it a look and let me know whatcha think yeah?” George says something too low for Harry to hear but whatever it was it makes Niall laugh, but that wasn’t saying much Niall will literally laugh at anything. The two share one last smile before George leaves.

Louis with his eyes still narrowed asks Niall what that was he’d given George, to which Niall simply shrugs.

“Oh just me lyric book, been writing songs since I was thirteen, they’re mostly just dumb little kid shit but George writes some too and we’ve decided to exchange song journals for a bit.” Louis waved his hand dismissively, having grown bored of the topic already.

 “What’s his deal anyway” Louis asks the question that’s been on Harry’s lips for days now.

 “Who Georgie” Harry physically cringes at the nickname.

“Yeah ‘im”

“He tried to o-d on sleeping pills; he was bullied a lot for being gay back home at his old school.” Harry cringed again because of course George would be in here for something like that, a true victim he was. It made it that much harder for Harry to genuinely despise him, almost.

“Huh well that’s sort of anticlimactic innit?” Harry shook his head because leave it to Louis to be his ever tactful self. Niall for his part only shrugged as he too undid his jeans without a word for the others and simply let them drop to his feet of their own accord before he stepped out of them and into a pair of loose basketball shorts. Harry gulped, not even pretending not to be checking out Niall’s pert little ass in snug gray briefs for the few seconds before it was covered again. He looks up just in time to catch Niall’s wink and Louis’ knowing smirk before the blonde is pulling out a wedgie and spreading out on his own bed.

“Wey hey where the hell is Liam?”

XXX

Liam was nearly sprinting by the time he made it to his room; he kicked the door shut behind himself and practically flung his backpack to the ground in his haste to get his clothes off. Tearing his shirt over his head in one swift motion, he then went to work on the fly of his jeans. His mind a complete jumble, with only one clear aim and that was to get naked and on his bed, now. It’s all he could think about during the last half of his classes coming back to his room for a much needed wank.

Since his roommate Jack had therapy at this time, it was the only time he ever really had the room all to himself; therefore this it’s the most opportune time to get this out of his system.  This being the erection he was sporting thanks to Ed, bloody beautiful Ed with the voice of an angel and a face to match and it didn’t at all help that he was funny, sweet, and kind, but to wear that sinfully tight top this afternoon was the final straw.

Finally naked Liam stretched out on his bed above the covers, not wasting anytime with teasing he’d spent the last four periods sporting a barely hidden semi thanks to Ed so he was more than ready, in fact he’s so worked up and it’s been so long since his last wank that it probably wouldn’t take much at all to push him over the edge. So gripping himself in his right hand he gave his dick a firm squeeze, moaning as he built a rhythm for himself not too fast but not as slow as he’d normally like to have gone, he did have an intermission or whatever to get to after all. He’s of course thinking of Ed, it’s all he _ever_ wanked to these days, picturing those perfect pink lips wrapped around his cock, as he tugged that ginger hair of his, pushing him further onto his dick. Liam whimpered as he began to leak all over his own fist, picking up speed he imagined cumming down Ed’s throat, the older boy choking slightly because Liam hadn’t had the breath to warn him, Ed was just that good and—

Everyone knew that Liam and Jack rarely ever locked their door and they pretty much have an open door policy as long as your relationship with either of them was close enough and you knocked first. But Liam was too preoccupied to hear the soft wrapping of someone’s knuckles on the door over the harsh sound of his own panting in his ears. So when that someone enters, already speaking as they do Liam doesn’t have time to hide himself or even stop what he’s doing, just stares with wide eyes into Ed’s shocked baby blues and cums with a guttural:

 

“Fuuuuuuck!”

 

“Shit, I…Liam I didn’t.”

 

“Ed?” Liam manages to croak, still mostly breathless and shuddering with release. He’s even forgotten that he’s just lying their naked while Ed stares at him like he’s just seen a ghost.

 

“Oh crap I’m just gonna…yeah…” Without another word or a complete sentence Ed was gone.

 

Liam brought his clean hand up to smack himself in the forehead because things like this weren’t supposed to happen outside of corny sitcoms and yet this was his life [cue audience laughter]. Grabbing up a t-shirt off the floor that he hopes was his and not Jack’s, he quickly went about cleaning himself off and hurriedly pulled on some track pants and a wife beater and ran up to Lou’s room knowing he was already going to be late, his freak out about what just happened would just have to wait.

 

XXX

All eyes land immediately on him as he awkwardly slips inside the room, face still red with embarrassment. Harry looks annoyed, Niall looks expectant and hungry but when was he not and Louis just looked confused.

 

“Party in our room then? What’s up Li?”

 

“N-nothing alright, why does something have to be wrong for me to here huh? Like we’re friends right friends hang out, all the time even, even have sleepovers!”

 

“O-k, I know we’re mates Li I just meant your sort of out of breath and resembling a cherry tomato there but my bad forget I even asked geez.” Liam turned even redder and marched his way into the room and over to Niall’s bed, mirroring Harry he took a seat at the foot of it.

 

Both Liam and Niall were looking at Harry, since it was his idea and they had no idea how an intervention was supposed to go they it only seemed right that he be the one to start things off. The tallest boy sucked in a lungful of air and released his slowly to buy himself some time. Finally he turned so he was facing Louis and nudged him with his sock covered toe to get his attention. Louis blinked confused eyes but turned his head all the same.

 

“Don’t freak out but, we’re here because we’re worried about you.” Harry spoke with his hands up in front of him like he was trying to calm a wild animal or something.

 

“Bloody hell, you don’t start a sentence with ‘don’t freak out’ and expect the person not to freak out what are you on about here curly?” Deciding to just bite the bullet Harry decided to just come out with it.

 

“Louis Tomlinson, this is your intervention.”

 

“Inter…crikey you’ve got to be joking.” He laughed, his eyes nervously bouncing around the room, taking in his friend’s somber expressions, even Niall who barely ever went a full minute without smiling or laughing.

 

“Lou we are worried like Haz said, you’ve been off lately what with making out with Max and then sitting at The Wanted’s table yeah, but its more than that—I know Greg told you to give me a pat on the back for getting you to eat more but I, I just don’t see it. You barely eat _anything_ and I know I know it’s your sickness but you promised me you would really try after last month when I found out you were lying about eating…” Turning to Harry he shook his head sadly.

 

“He’d been stuffing the food in his pockets and down the collar of his shirt, basically anywhere on his body that he could hide it so I would think he’d eaten.”

 

“I do eat it this time Li I swear, it’s not _a lot_ I agree but I’m trying to work my way up honest!”

 

“I believe you want to, at least some part of you but I just don’t see it and I’m worried because I love you Lou.”

 

“I…” Lou’s leg began to bounce nervously a clear tell that he was anxious beyond belief now.

 

“Louis, I’m worried too.” The knee paused in its bouncing to take in Niall’s concerned expression, face softening of its own accord as the blonde tossed him a juice box of apple juice. Touched that his roommate remembered the story he told him about his late grandmother and how she always used to hand him a juice box and read him a story whenever he was upset.

 

“What? Niall…” Niall shook him off, pushing forward determinedly.

 

“I didn’t know how to bring this up before to you or to the lads but I’m not sleep. When you think I’m asleep at two and three in the morning and you sneak out to the loo, thinking I’m passed out or summat, but I’m not. I admit the first time I caught ya was an accident the frank and beans they’d served for dinner that night hadn’t been sitting well with me, but after that I made myself stay up to see if you would go and you did, you do every single night without fail. You’ll be gone for almost an hour and I don’t know if yer throwing up or _what_ but I do know you’re probably getting rid of whatever food we managed to get ya to eat that day.”

 

“I’m not throwing up I swear Niall, I’ve just not been feeling very well lately, it must be the water up here, too clean or something. I’m used to the city water of Doncaster.” Louis tried to joke but no one was laughing.

 

Harry chewed his lips, knowing exactly why Louis hadn’t been ‘feeling well’ and it had nothing to do with the water, remembering the pack of laxatives Jade had slipped Louis last week that only him Jade and Aiden seemed to know about. Not for the first time Harry thought about telling the others, but he’d promised Lou he wouldn’t say anything and trusting people wasn’t something the pixie-ish boy did often or lightly. He didn’t want to risk losing said trust and ultimately one of the most meaningful friendships he would probably ever have, therefore he remained quiet on the matter.

 

“I also wanted to talk to you about Zayn Louis…”

 

“What about him?” Louis said calmly though his leg was bouncing crazy now and he looked like he’d very much like to bolt from the room.

 

“Look don’t you think this petty shit between you guys has gone on for long enough? I mean I understand why you’re not the best of mates but it’s just so damn tiring being stretched thin between the two of ya, you both mean so much to me and I couldn’t ever choose just one of ya to chill with. It would just be so much easier if the two of you could just kiss and make up or summat, like you did with Max, how’dya put it yesterday Haz…bury the hatchet, yeah?”

 

“First of all I’m sorry if being friends with me is such a burden you can just choose him for all I care, because I will never ‘kiss’ and makeup with him alright? I wouldn’t even piss on him if he were on fire which given that he’s a freak about fire maybe he’d thank me for it.” Harry shook his head in disappointment.

 

“Louis, we’re not here to attack you alright, we’re here to help because we care and you’re better than this, all of this and I mean you could definitely do better than Max George for a hook up, I’m just saying.”

 

“Well it sure as hell feels like an attack! For fucks sake, guys as touching as this hallmark card moment has been, it’s really unnecessary. This thing with Max isn’t a big deal alright..." Liam threw his hands up in protest.

 

“You may not think so but from the outside perspective it’s like a red flag or whatever, or like a flair’s been shot up in the sky to spell out SOS.” Niall rolled his eyes at Liam’s horrible analogies.

 

“It’s like this Tommo, how would you feel if you suddenly caught me snogging Biebs in the woods or eating lunch with him, letting him feed me off his plate?” Louis winced, looking to be actually picturing this and did a full body shudder.

 

"You know what sod it; Max and I have an arrangement alright? I won’t tell you what for but suffice it to say that my end of the bargain is to provide him with blowjobs and the occasional snog and while I’ll admit yesterday was a bit _much_ …I mean god I let him feed me… _lasagna_. I don’t regret doing it, not one bit especially when I could see clearly how much it was getting to Malik watching his two favorite people playing loving couple, but it’s nothing more than that I swear.." Lowering his voice to barely a whisper, he mumbles into his chest: 

“And alright maybe the thought of seeing my mum again after all these months had me acting out a bit as well." Everything grew quiet and still after that, all except Louis’ knee that was giving Tigger a run for his money when Liam suddenly blurted out:

“Ed walked in on my wanking, that’s how come I was late.” He was clutching his head and breathing heavily as if the admittance had taken a lot out of him, his eyes circling the room, waiting for the first of his mates to crack.

When they did finally, it wasn’t with actual words. Just Niall bursting out in laughter nearly doubled over already with tears in his eyes, Louis was snickering into his hand as he was oft to do and Harry, he had his head thrown back doing that unguarded guffaw that he does whenever he hears something unexpectedly funny, its admittedly not the most attractive laugh, but he just looks so damn happy that he’s kind of sort of beautiful when he does it. Soon Liam himself is joining in and without even intending to he’s successfully relieved the room of its tension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments they honestly mean the world to me and remind me that I need to update faster/sooner because there are actual people out there wanting to read my story like what??? I love you all so much :D
> 
> <3 Jen


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I know little to nothing about Soccer/football so I tried not to get too detailed about the sport, but what I do mention I got from google so blame them if I am horribly wrong
> 
> I know I mentioned a ‘Michael' a couple of chapters back and some of you might've figured he was meant to be Michael Clifford from 5sos and you'd be right haha but in this chapter I decided to bring the other band members in and didn't want to split the band up so the Michael in this chapter is Mikey Clifford while the other one was just an omc named Michael ok? Lol
> 
> Fun fact: Cliffhangers is the name of the group of teens the show that inspired this story were called so I used it as a sort of homage to Higher Ground :)
> 
> Also Leigh Anne has two sisters in rl not brothers but I changed that for obvs reasons haha
> 
> p.s sorry for the really corny dialogue between Liam and Michael I don't exactly know how to trash talk and you will soon see just how apparent that is lol
> 
> Enjoy xx

It’s after they’ve finished dinner that Liam realizes that he didn’t even know why Ed had dropped by his room in the first place, despite their close friendship Ed didn’t make it a point to visit his room very often. They usually hung out in the lobby of the main building, out in the open so people couldn’t talk, because it only took one person to start the wrong kind of rumor and Ed could find himself sacked for fraternizing inappropriately with a student.

So instead of going to his room he turned in the opposite direction head for said lobby. He didn’t know if Ed would actually be there but thought that it couldn’t hurt to check. He spotted the shock of orange hair through the window before he even opened the door and braced himself for seeing Ed for the first time since _the incident._ He figured he’d be safe if he just didn’t mention it and he knew Ed thankfully wasn’t going to be the one to do it. He’d just go in, ask Ed what he’d wanted earlier and maybe have a mini jam sesh, who knows.

The music stops the minute Ed spies him coming through the door and a telltale flush quickly works its way up his neck to fill the older boy’s entire face.

“Liam.” Ed squeaked, clearing his throat he tried again. “Liam, hi what’re you…”

“Hello Ed, just wanted to come by and ask what you wanted err earlier.” Realizing too late that there wasn’t actually a way to ask Ed what he’d come by his room for without bringing up thoughts of _the incident_ much too late. He gulped and decided to trudge on nonetheless.

“How do you mean?” Ed asked, looking everywhere but t Liam now.

“When you came by my room, I assumed you had something to tell me?”

“Oh—oh right, it’s really good news actually. The all boys’ prep school wants to hold a footie match this Saturday. I thought I’d stop by after hanging up with their principal so you would have enough time to fill those spots on the team that opened up with last year’s graduation.”

“Really? Wicked! That’s just what we need a good ol game of football to take everyone’s mind off things.”

“Things what sort of things?” Ed asked, leaning toward Liam concerned, immediately snapping into counselor mode.

“Oh nothing much, besides if there were something oughtn’t I to bring it up on Monday in therapy with Leona?” Ed visibly bristled at this, more than a little miffed at the reminder that Liam had been reassigned Leona after their first couple of weeks of therapy. Simon had claimed Ed and Liam’s working relationship had been compromised by their instant friendship. While Ed tried to argue that wasn’t that the point of counselor-student relationships, to grow close enough that the youth trusted in their judgment? Simon had hummed and hawed but in the end Ed still got reassigned to Bieber and Leona had taken up advising Liam.

“Hey, don’t do that you know you can talk to any of us about anything at any given time outside of your appointed therapy slot.”

“Yeah I know, it’s mostly Tommo he’s been stressing out about this upcoming visit with his mum.”

“Right, Greg told me and Nick about it, we’ve all been sort of more concerned about the company he’s been keeping lately.”

“Have you now?” Liam asked, finally sitting back on the sofa and relaxing, he should’ve known things between him and Ed could never really be weird. With his nerves pushed to the side he was able to really take Ed in and he groaned when he noticed that Ed still wore that bloody t-shirt.

“Yes, do you think Greg should address it next meeting or wait for Lou to bring it up?” Liam sighed, trying to focus. Ed did this sometimes tried to get Liam’s perspective on his friends since he had a much closer view. Ed would then take the information back to that friend’s counselor. But right now he couldn’t take his eyes off of Ed’s biceps as they still gripped the guitar in his lap. Jesus Ed looked amazing in black, a lovely contrast to the pale porcelain white of his skin.

“Um what?” Liam stuttered, shaking his head and hopefully the thoughts from it.

“I said should Greg bring the Max thing up or let Lou do it?” Liam may have imagined it but he could’ve sworn he saw Ed’s eyes dart down to his crotch, eyeing the noticeable bulge there, causing Liam’s face to heat up because what did you expect he was pretty well endowed and these track pants offered no real concealment of any kind.

“We sort of took care of it a bit ourselves—Niall, Harry and I. We held an insulation and got him talking about it, and even though we haven’t quite gotten to the bottom of it, we’ve made major progress I think.” Ed’s face broke out into a tender smile.

“Do ya mean an _intervention_ Li?” Liam snapped his fingers, sitting up quickly and subtly adjusted himself so that he was a little less evident.

“Yes! That’s the word.”

“So what’s behind it then?” Ed asked tapping a short beat on the face of his guitar before his hand stilled once more.

“I can’t really…” Liam trailed meaningfully. Ed eyes flashed in understanding.

“It’s against the rules then?” The younger boy sighed, shrugging.

“I really don’t know but between us, yeah I think so.” Ed nodded.

“Huh, well alright try to find out what it is and I trust that if it’s harmful to Lou you’ll tell me no matter what right?” He fixed Liam with a stare that had Liam’s arms flailing out in front of him as he spoke.

“You know I will if it could hurt Lou…you know I will.” Ed nodded again, satisfied and brought his fingers to the strings of _Nigel_ once more shooting him a grin as he did.

“How about a little John Cale’s ‘Halleluah’ before bed Li?” Liam grinned, breathing freely for the first time since entering the building because this he knew how to do, this was _familiar_ between them. Just him and Ed and Nigel singing their favorite tunes and drowning out to world and the worry it brought with it.

XXX

Right before bed Liam stopped by Niall and Lou’s room to tell them about the upcoming match as predicted Louis nearly lifter him up over his head hugging him in excitement and Niall’s head literally hit the ceiling as he did one of his Irish leaps in the air, pumping his fist. Liam just chuckled to himself and waited for them to settle down before breaking the bad news.

“Alright so yeah that’s awesome news I know, but there’s also a down side here, or did you forget that more than half of last year’s team graduated?”

“Shit that’s right.”

“And we had been down a couple players then to boot, which could be a factor in our loss.”

“Well who all is left from last year then?” Liam mentally tallied them all and groaned.

“Just the three of us and Wesley.”

“Shit that’s only four, we need at least nine to stand any kind of chance, though I’d really prefer playing with a full eleven man roster this time if possible.” Louis cursed, wringing his hands worriedly.

“Well we know Haz is in for sure, he even said himself he played back home.” Niall reminded them and yeah there was that.

“Right, we should maybe move this party down to his room, maybe he can think of something.” Louis suggested and the others agreed easily enough.

Noting that they had a good half an hour before lights out they hurried to Harry and Zayn’s room not even bothering to knock in their excitement. They pause however at the scene they’re faced with Zayn laid on his back in bed in just his briefs with a fully clothed Harry straddling his waist and attacking his sides with wiggling fingers.

“Admit it Malik, you care…admit it.” Zayn weezed unattractively, trying and failing to bat Harry’s hands away.

“No, I don’t you overgrown chia pet now get off me.”

“Not until you say it, say you caaaaaare.”

“I’m not a bloody carebear Haz, but fine if you want me to lie to you I care, you happy? I fucking care now get your ass off my dick before something happens that neither of us is going to like and tell me what…” A throat clearing in the doorway as well as Niall’s barely muffled giggles interrupted whatever Zayn was about to say as both boys turned with guilty eyes to find their friends standing in their doorway.

“I guess today is a popular day for walking in on compromising situations ay Li?” Louis deadpanned, speaking to a spot on the wall just above Harry’s head rather than the curly topped boy. Harry laughed anyway, quickly climbing off of Zayn and moved to sit on his bed.

“Hey fellas what’s the craic?” He patted the space beside on him on his bed which Liam moved to fill.

“Nothing as exciting as what you’ve been getting up to in here.” Niall joked, waggling his eyebrows and eyeing the two boys hungrily. Louis elbowed him hard in the side and entered the room after Liam.

“Just got some great news from Ed, looks like we’ve got a game against the all boys school Holy Oaks Prep this Saturday and as team captain I was wondering if you’d be interested in playing.”  Liam offered with a grin.

“Hell yeah, count me in, I usually play center mid if that’s alright?”

“Pretty much all positions are fair game at this point we’ve only got like four players, five including you. That means Liam’s got to recruit at least five more by Saturday if we even want to stand a chance.” Niall piped in from his spot on Zayn’s desk, legs crossed up under him Indian style.

“Oh alright no need to beg, I’ll play.” Zayn spoke up from the other side of the room for the first time, all eyes travelled to him in surprise. Niall was the first to light up.

“You will? Yeah buddy, things are looking up for us yet boys.”

“Excuse me but no one asked you and no you’re really not.” Louis said snootily, his eyes looking everywhere but at Zayn, namely the smooth olive skin of his still exposed chest.

“What the fuck Tomlinson even in an obvious bind I’m not good enough?” Louis shrugged, leaving it for the darker boy to interpret.

“We don’t need you is all.” Zayn clenched his fists at his sides and spoke through gritted teeth:

“But you _do_ and I can probably convince Conor and Biebs to play as well so that’s three more players you can add to your damn roster if only you’d push your fucking ego aside.”

“He’s right Tommo can’t you just call a truce for this one day? We could really use the players.” Liam reminded gently, fact of the matter was Louis was their best player he wasn’t going to risk having his friend back out for the sake of a few more players. Louis made an annoyed sound.

“Fine, what the fuck ever.”

“Aces, man that’s possibly seven…you reckon Wes’ little bro might play if we asked?” The blonde crowed, slapping his knee in excitement.

“Maybe, if so that’s eight already just two more, how about…” Harry trailed off, mentally going through the faces in his classes.

“Max.”

“Huh?” All eyes were on Louis, sat in Harry’s desk chair. The copper haired boy flipped his wrist facetiously.

“Max, you know George he’ll play too.”

“Louis…” Harry started to argue, but Louis cut him off:

“What he’s fit and I’ve seen him kicking the ball around with his mates for fun he’s not terrible and like you all said we could use the players, so Max. Now one more…” Zayn narrowed his eyes at the slighter boy but remained quiet.

“How about Georgie? He’s mentioned playing a little bit back home and I mean he can’t be any worse than Alfie was last year.” Niall threw in and much to Harry’s dismay Liam nodded his approval.

“Sure you can ask him tomorrow in class.” The blonde slapped his knee again and howled in joy. Liam shook his head in amusement then thought what the hell and joined him.

“Whew! We did it then, got a full roster assuming everyone we just mentioned agrees to play that is, I have a really good feeling about this year boys. This could be the years the Cliffhangers are victorious.” The entire room erupts in whoops and cheers.

Liam, Niall and Louis stay in their room until lights out talking about the looks on those smug pretentious arsehole’s faces when they’re handed the golden soccer ball that posed as the trophy between their schools.

XXX

The next day Liam and Louis corner Wes in the breakfast line and tell him about the upcoming match. Wesley is more than pumped for it but when they ask him if his brother would be interested in playing Wesley quickly lets them know that’s a no go because Keaton is about as athletic as a snail, but his mate Drew could do.

Liam vaguely knew of Drew who’d come to their school just a little before Harry had. He’d broken his arm in a skateboarding accident when he was fifteen, had been put on heavy painkillers and quickly became addicted. Liam told Wes to bring him to the gym after classes if he didn’t have therapy.

Niall was the one to approach George during first period, the younger boy agreed without hesitation, as an afterthought the Irish boy extended his invitation to the boys George sat with most of who thanked him but declined all except JJ who surprised Niall by agreeing to at least attend the team meeting in the gym that afternoon. Niall clapped him on the shoulder before wandering over to Zayn’s crew just in time to catch Zayn’s recruitment speech.

“We need a couple more players so Conor, Biebs clear your schedules for Saturday.” Niall shook his head, grinning. Conor was the first to speak.

“Nah mate, sports aren’t really my strong point.” Which was true Conor was a scientific genius, he could literally cook up any drug and sell it on the black market he pleased, he excelled in academics in general but when it came to any kind of physical exertion he was more than lacking. Frowning Zayn knew he had no choice but to accept that so he turned to Justin instead.

“What about you?”

“Love to but I can’t…scored me a weekend pass.” He finished with a shrug and really nothing more needed to be said. Niall raised an eyebrow at this that read: _what now we convinced Tommo to let you on the team because you were bringing two others with you, have fun trying to convince him to let you play when you don’t actually deliver said players_. Zayn opened his mouth to speak when Leigh Anne surprised them both.

“I’ll play.”

“Seriously?” The blonde asked, doubtful.

“What you afraid of a girl showing you up? Got me two older brothers I used to play with in our backyard taught me everything they know about the game they did.” Niall was quick to correct her:

“Not at all, I think it’d be cool having a girl on our team honestly, those snobs at Holy Oaks won’t know what to expect. Not to mention the blow to their egos when we beat the pants off them with a girl.” Leigh rolled her eyes.

“Sweet, so where do we meet and when?”

XXX

Luckily no one had therapy on Friday as they all piled onto the gym bleachers, watching Liam their captain pace back and forth in front of them. Suddenly he halted, spinning to face them with a grin wide enough to shame the joker.

“Alright team, wow that sounds rather nice to say. I appreciate all of you agreeing to play in tomorrow’s game so last minute and there’s no real expectations for tomorrow seeing as we all haven’t had a chance to practice as a team before, just go out there and have fun, I’m assuming you’ve all played the game before so you know more or less what you’re doing out there. We’ve got a full eleven man and woman roster this year which is a first and that’s great, but that also means actual positions have to be doled out, so any requests?”

They end up going around and picking positions and its all smooth sailing until Zayn tried to claim center forward. Louis quickly jumped up in outrage because over his dead body was Zayn taking his position. But Liam just as quickly informed the darker boy that, that position was taken for obvious reasons. To his credit Zayn just shrugged and said left forward then and that was settled. After that work was done they set up a little game as practice, they divided everyone into two teams with Louis and Liam standing goal and went to it.

Liam was pleasantly surprised at everyone’s skill Zayn and Harry’s especially though Leigh Anne more than held her own, easily making the team’s top five.

After the first team reached four goals Coach Siva came to the gym and told them they had to leave so he could lock the gym up.  For the first time in a while Liam felt positive about their chances.

XXX

Saturday didn’t really begin for most of the students at Mount Serenity until mid afternoon, but if you were Liam Payne a once fledging track star you practically got up with the sun and took full advantage of the natural beauty that Mother Nature provided by taking a morning jog down a marked trail. He used this time alone to think mostly about his family, Andy, Ed, and cutting. Every time the guilt or self hate arose he would beat it back down by pushing himself that much harder, going a half mile further or adding a few press ups to the mix.

So when Liam barges into their room, wielding borrowed keys courtesy of Ed and banging on a pot with a wooden spoon Harry and Zayn nearly have twin heart attacks, screaming bloody murder and toppling out of bed and onto the floor. Liam didn’t even laugh, just made eye contact with both of them before telling them to get dressed and meet him out on the main green in twenty or else…

They hadn’t the faintest clue what he’d meant by _or else_ but sharing a look between them, they silently agreed that neither of them wanted to find out.

The only silver lining in the whole matter was that the others had woken to the same fate as he and Zayn had if their sleepy faces and disheveled clothes were anything to go by. Harry really felt for the roommates of the team members though who mere casualties were caught in the crossfire that was Liam god damn Payne, their only conciliation being a grunted:

“It’s for the sake of the team.” Before drill sergeant Payne was off again, headed for the next unsuspecting player’s room.

Soon they were all lined up, mostly slumped onto one another’s shoulders in an effort not to fall over from lack of sleep. Liam informed them that the game started in three hours, making sure they knew 9am wasn’t even that early (they had to be up nearly four hours before that for classes after all) he was just about to let them in on a fairly tame workout regime he’d thought up earlier this morning after his jog when a loud snore interrupted him and everyone turned to Zayn where Niall had somehow managed to fall back asleep standing up with his chin on Zayn’s shoulder. Liam frowned, stomping over with his pot and spoon in hand he let one clear bang ring out right up close to the blonde’s ear making Niall jump almost six feet in the air.

“That’ll be five extra press ups for you Horan, anyone else still tired or are you ready to make a mess upon the innocence of every player on Holy Oaks’ team?” He was met by ten different responses all varying in enthusiasm as well as Niall’s agonized groans but the one common factor was that yeah they were ready.

Thus Liam lead them through the exercise routine that made sure their muscles and limbs were properly stretched for the game, he worked them over pretty good but not to the point of breaking and by the time it was eleven the entire team was tired but not exhausted and a few of them even claimed to feel refreshed but Niall would definitely beg to differ. He had never been more grateful to see the cafeteria in all the months he’s been there as he filled every square inch of his lunch tray and piled it nearly to his chin.

The team sat together as opposed to their usual seats which drew more than a few curious looks from their peers. Niall, having already demolished half of his meatball sub and feeling some of his energy renewed, returned their stares, cupping his hands around his mouth he announced to the entire cafeteria.

“There’s to be a footie match at noon today on the old field that’s sure to be a right mash up. You should all come out and show your support in Cliffhanger’s blue and white!” The cafeteria filled with cheers and promises to be there as the Irish boy raised both hands above his head and shook them one last time before settling down once more.

XXX

The whole team was already at the field when the Holy Oaks bus arrived and out spilled the Dingoes onto the field, with Michael the captain of the team proudly holding the team’s banner above his head. They were already in uniform of course and their garish red and gold was enough to make Liam’s lunch want to repeat itself but he fought off the temptation and instead stared the team down, hoping for intimidation.

The Cliffhangers donned their own royal blue with white lettering unis, each shirt and shorts combination held the teams name across the chest and in the front corner of the left pant leg on the shorts while the back of the shirt held just the player’s number no last name like more established teams, like the Dingoes even because the Cliffhangers didn’t play enough for Simon to put all that much thought into it really.

Most of the opposing team shouldered passed them to get to their side of the field where their coaches already waited one of which was waving around a clipboard and arguing over a play that they obviously disagreed on.

All except Michael and his three best friends Calum, Ashton and Luke, they approached where Liam stood flanked by Louis, Niall, Harry and surprisingly Zayn.

“Well well well, if it isn’t Lame Payne, thought you’d be graduated by now or did they hold you back for failing geography again?”

“I’ll be out of here in a couple of months actually, can’t say the same for you now can I?”

“No because I’m sixteen dumbarse, not thirty two in the twelfth grade.” Liam flinched and opened his mouth to retort with something just as bad as his first comeback because Liam Payne was capable of a lot of things but talking smack wasn’t one of them, luckily Louis stepped forward and spoke on his behalf.

“Lookit here you little shit, you’ll back the fuck out of our faces or else I’ll have Zayn here demonstrate exactly what he did to get his homicidal wrap.” Michael gulped, eyes threatening to pop out of his head as he eyed Zayn, took in the tattoos, the scar above his eyebrow, the dangerous glint in his eye and slowly backed away.

“Yeah well save it for the field, you Cliffhangers are all talk, but just wait you’re the one’s who’ll be crying when we whoop dat ass.” Michael said, miming spanking them as he continued to walk backwards towards their team’s benches. His friends all laughed as they followed.

“Ugh, I want to beat them even more now.” Niall growled pounding his fist into his palm in an attempt to stay calm. Harry and Zayn nodded their agreement.

“Hey guys I don’t really look thirty two do I? I mean I know I have very soulful eyes and a rugged physique which tends to make me look more mature and if I go a day without shaving I can…”

“Li are you serious right now, you’re going to let what that douchetard said get to you? Not only was what he said ridiculous but he was obviously just trying to get inside your head, though he did a piss poor job of it. It’s called strategy Li we did it to other team all the time back at my old school.”Harry reasoned, shaking the team captain by his shoulders and hopefully shaking some sense into him.

“You’re right; I know you’re but…”

“No buts man, we need you in top form if we’re gonna win this Liam, can’t have you obsessing about your nonexistent receding hairline and letting balls get passed you _goalie_.” Zayn joked, reaching forward to cuff Liam under the chin. Leigh Anne cleared her throat.

“Alright you whelps, save that mushy shit for the lifetime original movie they’re going to write about us because in case you’ve forgotten we’ve got a bloody football game to win.” That was enough to get their adrenaline pumping as they all began to snarl playfully at one another. By the time Ed arrived dressed in his black and white striped shirt and black slacks, ready to referee the game along with Shayne and Ellie the bleachers had filled considerably, but mostly just with their friends.

There was Perrie and the girls sat on the bottom row wearing skirts and white shirts they’d written encouraging messages on and they looked to be holding makeshift pom-poms made out of strips of blue and white construction paper. Behind them sat Grimmy, Greg and a couple other counselors. Beside them in the corner sat Jamie and a very bored looking Josh while on the same side of the bleachers but at the very top sat Troye holding a huge handmade sign that said ‘Liam take off your shirt’ Conor sat beside him, but not _with_ him he just didn’t want to look like a loser sitting by himself and he liked the view from the top, not that he planned to watch much of the game (he’d brought a comic book with him to read when things got boring.)

Both teams took their positions on the field, Cliffhangers gaining home field advantage controlled the kick off. Liam jogged in place, kicking out at the goal posts with pent up energy, he was pumped and ready to get started as he watched Niall and Harry start the game in the middle of the field. At Ed’s whistle Harry kicked the ball to Louis and so the game began. Not long after obtaining the ball, Louis lost it to Ashton and the Dingoes ended up scoring first.

The teams were pretty evenly matched this year much to the Dingoes’ dismay as they had to actually work for their goals this time around. The score was 2-3 Cliffhangers when Luke who was guarding Leigh decided to try and hold a conversation in the middle of the game.

“Wow since when do the Cliffhangers have girls on their team?”

“Since now obviously.” Leigh rolled her eyes, focusing on the ball.

“Yeah but you can’t possibly think you’re going to help them win, a fit girl like you should be painting your nails and applying lipstick to your face or something.”

“You think I’m fit?” She asked, making a show of checking the blonde boy out. Luke blushes slightly but nodded all the same.

“Hm well perhaps we can find a spot after the game and I’ll let you smear my lipstick huh?”  Luke gulped, obviously like that idea a lot.

“Pfft like Luke would ever touch you, a MS girl.” Ashton scoffed, holding his hand out for Luke to slap him five. The shorter boy however left him hanging.

“Yo, speak for yourself mate. I would so touch _this_ MS girl.” Leigh bit her lip and winked at him, successfully distracting him enough that when Michael kicked the ball to him she easily intercepted and blew him a kiss before she was dribbling it down the field toward Niall.

Meanwhile on the other end of the field Zayn had decided to be a dick and take his shirt off, like seriously it was mid January for god sakes and this arsehole was taking his shirt off. Louis tried to compose himself and not react but it was a lost cause, as he felt his eyes slide over that unblemished (save for the many tattoos) olive skin, now glistening with a sheen of sweat and it wasn’t fucking fair that the one guy that he honestly couldn’t stand would also be in possession of the most perfect body he had ever laid eyes on.

That wasn’t even the half either he also smelled utterly delectable and with his shirt gone the combination of cologne with soap and Zayn’s natural sweat the scent that assaulted his senses everytime Zayn so much as shifted his body’s weight from one foot to the other was intoxicating and making Louis just the slightest bit light headed. So much so that he hadn’t even realized he’d moved closer to Zayn, crowding into his personal space in anticipation of Calum going that way to try and cut Harry off from scoring.

“Jesus fucking Christ Tomlinson, easy on the hand action yeah?” Zayn muttered, distracted.

“ I’m a defender…” Louis reasoned dismissively, causing Zayn to actually take his eyes off the ball and look at him.

 “Yes but I’m on _your_ team” Louis couldn’t help but blush at that and instead of responding he rushed forward for the ball as Harry lost possession before Calum could get to it. Pivoting on his toes he kicked the ball almost effortlessly around #26 and drove it right into the Dingoes goal.

Louis threw his arms up and twerked for a minute in celebration making Zayn double over laughing. Since the darker boy seemed to be the only one in his vicinity Louis surprised them both by calling out to him.

“Hey Malik, chest bump me.”

“Crazy soccer playing pixie say what?”

“You heard me, now get ready cause here I come.” Without waiting for an answer Louis charged forward jumping up at the last minute and to his joy Zayn was there to meet him, their chests colliding in mid air and lord have mercy but Zayn smelled even better up close and if Louis accidentally let his hand slide down the ridges of Zayn’s abs well he’d deny that shit to his grave, so there.

“Nice one Tommo.” Louis opened his mouth to correct him, remind him that only his _friends_ were allowed to call him that but thought better of it, decided that today they were teammates that they could push aside their petty bullshit if only for this one day and just tolerate one another for once. So instead he sent the darker boy a cheesy grin and dashed back into position, leaving Zayn to stare at his back in confusion.

XXX

Harry did not remember the game of football being this damn handsy, and yet Niall’s hands seemed to be everywhere and maybe Harry wouldn’t be have minded so much it if it were _his body_ those callused hands couldn’t stay off of but it wasn’t. Harry had been a tad apprehensive about being the center midfielder and having Niall on his left and George at his right, but now those feelings of dread seemed like a joke because even they hadn’t prepared him for a front row seat to the Niall and George amateur porn hour.

Since the very start of the game Niall had taken every opportunity to touch George, he patted him on the bum for taking a shot, patted him on the bum for missing said shot. He’d pat him on the bum for falling down and then of course had to pat him on the bum after helping him up, to show good team camaraderie, riiiiight. It was slowly driving Harry insane with jealousy, throwing him off his usually flawless game.

The score was once again tied 5-5 and the clock was winding down to the final twenty. Louis saw this as their last short for victory as Georgie passed the ball to Max who couldn’t get a good shot at goal due to some dopey looking twat with the #16 on his back so he dribbled the ball over to Louis instead and seized the opportunity to chuck it over. Louis received the ball with a loud:

“Thanks, sweetums.” He was so focused on Max that he completely missed Calum’s approach and as he raised his leg for a kick the younger boy stole the ball right from under him. Cursing, Louis starts to chase after him but there’s no need because Zayn is already there cutting his doppelganger off and successfully stealing the ball back. He dribbled toward the goal with just five seconds to spare and although he saw that Louis was now wide open he decided to take the risky shot himself instead and chipped the ball in the direction of the goal, closing his eyes he waited to hear the result rather than see it.

There was a pregnant pause, during which Zayn’s heart nearly shattered but then all at once everything and everyone exploded around him. Harry was the first to reach him, enveloping him in a hug from behind and lifting him clear off the ground he was hugging him so tightly, George and Niall were next and they too wrapped their arms around him. Even Max and Louis joined in on the group snuggle fest jumping in one colossal circle chanting ‘MS,MS,MS,MS’ while the players of Holy Oaks stood around kicking up clumps of grass in anger.

XXX

Simon gives them some bullshit speech about how proud he is of them and then clears a spot in his trophy case that had previously been filled with medals and pointless wilderness badges Simon himself had won as a lad, but now he showcased the golden soccer ball. Liam hadn’t stopped smiling since Zayn kicked the winning goal and he turned from the display case now to address his teammates.

“Here’s to the golden soccer finding a permanent home in our trophy case.”

“Here here.” The team crowed back at him all except Niall who shouted:

“Yeah buddy!” to which they all laughed.

Simon announced that the gym showers were open for the next hour on account of the occasion and for the visiting team to wash up before boarding their bus once more and heading home.

Leigh wouldn’t shut up about the missed opportunity to ride Luke’s dick in the gym showers, audience or not, when she found out the team had packed up and left sometimes during Cowell’s rather long winded speech.

Most of the team opted to use the dorm showers knowing how temperamental the gym showers could be, Louis especially absolutely refused to go near them if he didn’t have to so Niall assumed he would be the only one taking advantage of the lack of line for the showers, he’s surprised however to hear someone enter the locker room after him.

“Hello?” He called out cautiously, gathering up his towel and making sure his clothes were in a safe place to change into afterward.

“Hey.” Harry breathed out, his own change of clothes cradled under his arm and a towel around his neck.

“So we meet here again.” Niall joked waggling his eyebrows. Harry shrugged, setting his clothes down on the bench beside Niall’s

“What can I say, maybe I have a kink?” Niall laughed at this and moved to enter the shower area but Harry grabbed him by his wrist at the last second and sent him flying into the nearest bank of lockers instead. His bare back hitting the cold hard metal with an ‘oof’.

“Hey what the fuck H—“ Niall cried out, his voice cut off when Harry saunters over until he’s standing in front of the blonde, his eyes shimmering with something dark and heated, something a little scary even as he brings a hand up to trace a finger over his face, first his eyebrows, then down the slope of his nose and finally to his sun chapped lips, parted slightly as he became almost hypnotized by those burning green eyes, he’s never seen Harry like this before he’s almost afraid of how much he likes it.

Then Harry had to go and ruin the mood by leaning forward and Niall knows exactly what he means to do, he means to kiss him but Niall, he can’t let that happen so at the last minute he tilts his head up so that Harry’s lips land on the spot where neck meets ear and a shiver passes through him as Harry carries on unperturbed.

Placing tiny butterfly kisses all over Niall’s neck until he suddenly isn’t, until he’s pressing his nose hard into the skin there and just breathes him in. Niall is at a loss because no one has ever just stood there smelling him before and at the moment he had to be pretty rank having just played a football game but Harry didn’t seem to mind at all as he nuzzled into the blonde’s sweaty skin, mouthing unintelligible words into his collarbone.  Though Niall is almost positive he heard ‘fucking George Shelley, you shouldn’t touch him anymore’.

Niall thinks he’s had just about enough and is ready to tell Harry just that when the brunette suddenly pulls away and is looking Niall in the eyes again but this time own emerald orbs are almost completely black as he bites down on his lip before leaning in once more, this time his target is Niall’s ear as he whispers:

“How about you get on your knees and suck me?” Niall is not proud of the desperate noise he makes in the back of his throat or how quickly he drops to Harry’s feet, shifting them so that Harry was the one leant up against the lockers and mimicking Harry’s earlier actions by nuzzling his nose into the noticeable bulge the brunette was now sporting. He’s honestly wanted to get his mouth on the taller boy since practically day one and he wasn’t about to miss this opportunity.

“Believe me I know, you haven’t exactly been subtle about it.” Niall paused with his fingers on the waistband of Harry’s uniform shorts because dang he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“Well, where would the fun in that be?” He countered with a wink and with one tug he had both Harry’s shorts and underwear down around his ankles. His flushed member hot and hard for him as it bounced up to hit Harry in the abdomen, leaving a smear of precum in its wake.

“Jesus.” Harry gasped out at how unbelievably hard he was at just the thought of Niall’s mouth wrapped around him, taking him in fully until he felt the head of his cock hit the back of the blonde’s throat.

“Nope, just me Nialler.” The boy kneeling joked, taking Harry into his fist and giving it a few experimental strokes.

“Please Niall, please.” Harry begged, with his eyes squeezed shut he grabbed blindly for Niall to direct him where he wanted him but the blonde just chuckled ducking out of the way.

“Please what?” Niall sing-songed, flicking the few beads of precum that had dribbled down the side of Harry’s dick in anticipation with his tongue.

“Please, don’t tease.” Harry groaned, reaching down to stroke himself but his hand was smacked away instantly.

“What should I do instead then Haz?” Niall asked, his words slurring together slightly as his Irish accent became even heavier and more pronounced with lust.

He let his tongue circle the crown of Harry’s cock, then as an afterthought he took just the head between his lips, sucking down hard and sending the taller boy up  onto his tippy toes in pleasure.

“Fuck please just _suck me_.” Niall let Harry’s dick fall from his mouth with a wet ‘pop’and grinned up at him even thought he still had his eyes squeezed shut.  

“All you had to do was ask.” With that he took Harry into his mouth as far as he could, flattening his tongue along the bulging vein he built up a steady rhythm that had the taller boy whimpering for more.

“Oh god, yes…just like…neh.”  Harry didn’t even remember what language he was speaking Niall’s mouth felt so damn good, working around his dick like he was born to be there.

Niall unhooked the towel he’d tied around his waist and let it fall to the floor as he jerked himself with the hand he wasn’t using to massage Harry with. Because the noises that Harry was making were just too much to stand, he was going to cum any minute now.

He moaned, the vibrations causing Harry to whine from the back of his throat, his eyes flying open in shocked wonder he makes the mistake of looking down, watching as his dick disappeared down Niall pretty little throat over and over again and nearly sobbed at the steamy picture it made for. Niall shook his head because really this was getting out of hand.

“Fuck man you’re all gross and sweaty from today’s game and all I can smell and taste is the salt of your skin and yet I am still so fucking turned on sucking you off I don’t understand it. You feel so good in my mouth Harry, wanna feel you cum down my throat though, come on baby, I promise to swallow.”

That was all it took to send Harry over the edge and before he could stop himself he was gripping the blonde’s hair and holding him still as he roughly fucked himself into Niall’s pliant mouth, thrusting away with abandon.

“Oh my _Niall_.” He cried out as he came.

Niall as promised swallowed all that Harry had to offer, stroking him through his orgasm as he did so. When the taller boy was completely spent the blonde gently let Harry’s dick fall from his lips and had no qualms whatsoever about meeting those beautiful green eyes of his.

“Fuck Niall that was, that was…” He trailed off at a lost for word, his mind now a completely useless pile of mush.

“Yeah it was, it was fun.” Harry frowned.

“Definitely not the word I was looking for but yeah it was.”

“Could’ve been doing this weeks ago ya know.” Harry just shrugged and before the blonde could blink Harry was sliding to the floor to join him.

“Now it’s your turn.” He hissed, reaching out to grab Niall’s waist but the sheepish smile he shot Harry was unexpected.

“Oh about that.” The blonde trailed off, scratching at the back of his neck nervously.

“What?”

“I kind of already took care of that while I was sucking you off.”

“What, but why?”  Niall shrugged.

“Truthfully it’s your own damn fault; if you hadn’t made all those obscenely sexy noises I wouldn’t have felt compelled to touch myself. You should really look into dubbing for porn because shit you’d make a killing.”

“Um thanks?” Niall hummed in agreement.

“Anyway you’ll get me next time yeah?” Niall assured him, even going so far as to pat him awkwardly on the back before standing and picking up his towel on his way to the shower. Harry waited until he heard the water turn on before he began banging his head against the locker because he’d definitely heard that before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be shy about telling me what you think, as always i'd love to hear from ya and get a feel for where you see this story going or where you'd rather it went 8 times out of 10 your ideas will make it into the story :) 
> 
> <3 Jen


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a hella long ass time and you all probably hate me for making you wait but i swear it wasn't my fault writer's block had me at my non-existant balls lol but i got this chapter done and it grew too long to add the Zouis scene so that will come next chapter which i promise on all that i love and Niall Horan won't take as long. 
> 
> I would also just like to apologize to the Narry fans reading this and say: it's only temporary ok?
> 
> Having said that here goes nothing...

Harry must’ve sat there still mostly in his sweaty uniform (save for the shorts and briefs around his knees) in disbelief for a good ten minutes before a determined look suddenly etched itself on his face and before he could think about what he was doing he climbed to his feet, toeing off his trainers and shimmying his hips until his shorts and pants were off completely. He shucked his shirt to the ground as well before he was marching up to the only shower cubicle in use and much like he’d done days earlier he slipped under the spray of water just behind the blonde who made a surprised sound at the unexpected company.

With suds from his shampoo dripping down his forehead and into his eyes Niall had no choice but remain blind to what Harry was doing and could only hiss a faint ‘there are other cubicles you know curly’ in a playful tone. The taller boy ignored him and without any warning he moved forward pressing his lips harshly onto the blonde’s before the other boy could react.

Niall gasped against his lips but remained otherwise still, allowing Harry to draw closer, his hands clenching into fists at his side because he didn’t dare touch the other boy anywhere but on the mouth and risk ruining the moment.

They stood there Harry kissing Niall and the shorter boy not really kissing him back but not pushing him away either and Harry found himself moaning despite the fact that the kiss was little more than the innocent touch of two mouths but the Irish boy’s lips were just as soft and smooth as he’d imagine and as he flicked his tongue out he groaned at the sweet taste of Niall’s lips—a mix of soap that must’ve dripped down and the cherry chapstick the blonde was partial too, but beneath all that there was a sweetness that Harry knew was unique to Niall alone and he couldn’t get enough of it.

Niall made a thoughtful noise in the back of his throat which only encouraged Harry to move to deepen the kiss but before he could the blonde finally did pull away with an amused smile now ghosting over his lips.

“Huh.” He said simply and ducked under the spray to finally rinse the shampoo from his hair and eyes. Harry watched him utterly stunned.

“That’s all; I mean was it as bad as you’d imagined?”

“Who says I imagined kissing you to be bad, or imagined kissing you at all?”

“The fact that you’ve avoided doing so until now maybe?” Niall just shrugged

“Just trying to keep things casual between us Haz, but it wasn’t bad at all…this definitely makes things a little more interesting that’s for sure.”

“Does it? I mean so we can do it _again_ sometime?”

“We’ll see, but for now could you do me a solid?”

“Sure.” Harry breathed out, his voice lower and noticeably huskier as he stepped in even closer so that they were nearly touching. He could even feel a heat rise within him that was sure to start showing at any minute.

“Go find your own shower yeah; I’m trying to get cleaned before the hot water decides to turn itself off.” Harry‘s face fell, turning red to the tips of his ear as he stepped away once more and turned to climb out of the stall, stuttering as he went:

“Oh right, I’ll just…shit.” He nearly slipped in his haste, taking the shower curtain and rod down with him as he clung to it for dear life luckily the rod held under his weight and saved him any further embarrassment at he finally left Niall’s cubicle and ducked into his own a few showers away.

XXX

The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully with Louis opting to sit at his group’s usual table but he still shot Max suggestive winks and the universal gesture for blowjob by putting his fist up to one cheek while poking his tongue into the other simultaneously when he thought no one was looking.

After dinner Zayn decided to sneak out of their room after lights out to fool around with Perrie in the woods leaving the room all to Harry, with the unexpected privacy Harry decided to update his neglected blog until he was actually tired.

XXX

When his mother’s minivan rolled up to the curb just outside of the main building at twelve noon sharp Louis had already been up and dressed for three hours just laying in bed staring at his picture collage on the wall, the heart shaped cut out of Eleanor in particular knowing he was going to need her strength to face this day—she was the only one who understood him, could even fathom what a colossal mistake this day was going to be having lived through most of Jay’s wrath _with_ him through the years, but now he was alone and he didn’t know if he could do it. He was just thankful that his sisters would be there as well at least; perhaps they could serve as some sort of buffer for his mother’s hate.

By eleven-thirty he slipped out of his room and relocated to the lobby of the main building so that he could watch from the window for their arrival, after all he knew better than to keep his mum waiting.

Of course fifteen minutes later he spotted the familiar Tomlinson sweat wagon as he’d affectionately nicknamed the family car whose air-conditioning broke after just two years and of course Jay hadn’t bothered to fix it. Four girls practically leapt from the navy blue van before the vehicle had even come to a complete halt. Attacking Louis from all sides with tiny arms and wet kisses as they all began talking at once telling him how much they’ve missed him, loved him and couldn’t wait for him to come home.

This lasted only as long as it took Jay to put the car in park and walk over to him and as if she were Moses parting the red sea the girls scattered two on either side so that their mother could have her turn at Louis, wrapping him in a stiff embrace.

 Pulling back she made a show of looking him over. Louis stood stock still, staring off just beyond her shoulder into the mountains head held high and not breathing as she did so. Finally she made a teeth sucking noise and released him.

“You’ve put on weight I see.” Louis winced.

“A bit yeah, they make me eat here, three times a day even.” Jay made another critical noise, his sarcasm completely lost on her.

“Speaking of eating, we passed by a quaint little Italian restaurant on the way here that the girls wanted to catch a bite at, fancy coming with us?” Louis knew his mother hadn’t meant it as a question, because he had no real choice in the matter, he never really did when it came to her.

“Yeah that sounds great, I’ve missed these munchkin like mad and I’ve also heard wonderful things about their chicken parm.” The last bit was a bold face lie but was well worth telling as the girls all cheered, except for Lottie’s faint complaint about being lumped in with the others as ‘munchkins’. With a hand each held by a twin Louis was tugged towards the car.

XXX

The ride to the restaurant is amazing with the walls of the car quaking as the girls sang and danced along to the latest JT track at the top of their lungs Louis coming in at the chorus after the first two go-arounds since he hadn’t heard this one yet and it’s all so wonderfully familiar that he gets a little choked up and has to cover it with an exaggerated cough and a beaming grin when Daisy shot him a questioning look. Damn that eight year old and her keen power of observation.

When they arrive at Luigi’s the good spirits continue as both twins crow that they were both going to draw a picture on the paper placemat with the crayons their waiter had handed them just for him so he can hang it up in his room and show all his friends at school. The meal is mostly filled with the girls chatter, catching him up on all that he’s missed since coming to Mount Serenity the twins entering second grade, Fizz getting first place in this year’s science fair because she was a right brain box and Lottie blushingly confessing to having gotten her very first boyfriend and then asked him just above a whisper if he’d found anybody here at MS. Louis could feel his mother’s eyes boring into him as she awaited his answer. She’d done that the entire day in fact silently hovering just on outskirts of every conversation he had with the girls not even needing to comment for Louis to feel her scrutiny.

It’s always been that way; her silences could cut him worse than any knife. After their food had arrived there was considerably less talking but what never changed was the feeling that he was being watched and he knew without having to look up that his mother was eyeing the way he neatly cut his chicken parm into tiny minuscule pieces nibbling them but mostly just pushing his sauce, pasta and cheese around on his plate so it looked like he’d eat more than he had, the vegetable medley that came with was pretty good though.

“What’sa matter Lou don’tcha like it?” Sweet little Phoebe piped up suddenly not fooled by the mess he’d made of his plate as she noticed most of the chicken and pasta on his plate had gone untouched.

“Huh? What you mean _this_?” He hissed out and with his fork he jabbed the entire patty up and brought it to his mouth making like he was going to stuff the entire thing in his mouth, making the girls giggle instead he took a huge bite out of it and made a show of chewing with his mouth wide open, giving the girls a perfect view of the chewed up saucy chicken and globs of mozzarella until they shrieked and practically begged him to shut his gob. Sitting back in his chair he smiled smugly down at his plate, continuing to chew what was in his mouth even if it sort of pained him to do so; he made the mistake however of forgetting where he was and glanced up to meet the disproving eyes of his mum.

Shooting him a distasteful look at how much he’d eaten and he groaned inwardly because it was just like her to take the one thing that was _his_ the one thing he felt he finally had control of—that she couldn’t touch and make it about her. How dare she sit there and look at him as if he’d just consumed an entire elephant or summat? It made him want to shove the entire breaded slab of chicken into his mouth and swallow in one go just because _he could_ , because this was _his body damnit_. But he knew he could never do that so instead he pushed his plate away in disgust, throwing a napkin over it with finality.

“Dessert?” The waiter asked suddenly as he refilled any water glasses at the table that needed it, he was kind of cute and kept sending Louis appreciative winks whenever the girls and Louis’ mum wasn’t looking though by the ever deepening scowl on Jay’s face that she didn’t bother to hide Louis had a sneaky suspicion she’d caught each and every one of them. The girls all looked up at his expectantly because this was his day out after all so he was supposed to be calling the shots. He took in the hopeful glow in their eyes not to mention the petulant jut of Daisy’s bottom lip and shook his head.

“No don’t think so mate, not today—gonna take this lot to the candy shop in town instead.” The waiter ‘Tanner’ nodded his approval and promised to be back with the check.

XXX

It’s as the girls are scattered around Niall’s beloved candy shop filling the single bag their mum had given them to the brim that her true colors come out, just as predicted she asks him why he isn’t better yet.

“I’m trying mum, honest I’ve been eating a little more every day, couldn’t get away with skipping meals if I tried not with my mate Liam around—he’s like a regular watch dog sometimes that one.”

“Really _Lewis_ , are you still standing by that rubbish excuse that you’re _sick_ just because you don’t stuff your face like some kind of swine? There is nothing at all wrong with watching your figure I mean with the amount you ate back at the restaurant it’s a wonder you still fit through certain doorways.” Louis gulped loudly, feeling bile start to collect in the back of his throat, the telltale sign that he was close to throwing up as the small portion of food that he’d manage to eat fought to make its way back up and out of his body. Thinking fast, he tried to change the subject to get his mind off his churning insides. He blurted the first thing that came to mind:

“Why didn’t you bring Stan with you this time mum? It would’ve been nice to see my best mate, he mentioned asking if he could tag along on his facebook wall.” Jay scoffed indignantly.

“This is a family visit Lou what are the girls and I not good enough?”

“Of course you are, it’s always lovely to see you…erm how _are_ you?”

“I was wondering if you’d ever ask, I’m doing very well actually, I’m up for a promotion to head nurse and I am quite sure that I’ve found _the one_ this time, it’s only a matter of time before he pops the question.” At this Louis brightens.

“Tim? Really?” He was one of the few men that Louis actually liked, he had a decent job, treated the girls like the princesses they were and was actually quite good for his mum.

 “Tim? Shit no Louis he’s been gone two months now no I’m talking about Robbie.”  Louis’ entire being deflated, the small bit of hope that his sisters would finally gain some kind of home stability dashed as she mentioned the name of yet another faceless man who would no doubt traipse out of their lives just as fast a fleetingly as he’d traipsed in. Sighing he smiled thinly at his mouth and said with false cheer:

“Oh, oh right _Robbie_.”

XXX

 

Harry wakes up sometime around 10:30 (he hadn’t bothered to check the clock before heading to the bathroom for his morning piss) but he knew it was too late to catch breakfast but much too early for lunch and he was kind of really hungry. He knew there was only one real place to find something to munch on to stave off his hunger until the caf opened at noon: Lou and Niall’s room because the blonde was infamous for hoarding food he was much like a squirrel in the respect he claimed he hid food around the room for a rainy day but anyone who actually knew him knew that any day was a rainy day for him when it came to filling his belly. 

He also figured that with Louis off campus with his family today was as good as any for him and Niall to finally talk about what was going on between them once and for all. This fooling around thing they were doing—could it really even be considered fooling around since Niall had yet to let Harry reciprocate? And it also hadn’t escaped Harry’s notice that everything they did do so far all seemed to be on Niall’s terms which maybe he wasn’t complaining about _so much_ because if it had all been left up to Harry they wouldn’t be doing anything of this nature. So after washing his hands that’s exactly where he found himself heading.

As he neared the room he could hear the sound of an acoustic guitar and couldn’t help but smile, he’d heard Niall humming and singing under his breath sometimes during class and sometimes just while he sat somewhere idly not really doing anything he’d distract himself with a tune most often than not he’d sing Buble or Sinatra but he’d yet to _actually_ hear him sing which was sort of odd because the Irish lad was not modest about his voice in the least. He loved singing, loved music and it showed in the way his eyes lit up when he talked about it or listened to it.

As Harry approached the door he halted when he finally made out the song being sung ‘Next 2 You’ by Chris Brown and that Canadian Timberlake wannabe he couldn’t think the name of and that Niall wasn’t singing alone as George’s detectable Bristol accent rang out through the wooden door as well. Harry stood frozen listening to how perfect their voices melded together, the ease and comfort with which they harmonized so fluent and effortlessly he could tell this definitely wasn’t the first time they done it which made an uncomfortable weight build in the pit of his stomach he wondered if this was their version of foreplay.

 Frowning he spun on his heels ready to head back to his room when the music stopped abruptly and Niall’s loud laughter could be heard through the door and suddenly the door was opening and Niall was stepping out into the hall, throwing a ‘ _brb gotta hit the loo’_ over his shoulder before letting the door close behind him.  Harry watched silently as the grin fell from his face the moment he was alone replaced by dark shifting eyes as he bit down on his bottom lip, he jumps as he looks up and sees Harry standing there awkwardly still in mid step to walk away:

“Haz? What’re you doin’ up here?”

 “Uh I, uh I…” Dark features had flickered to shock but now they melted into something different something soft but also hot as Niall was on him without warning.

“Thought with Tommo outta the room you’d come up and pay me a visit ay? Test out me bed springs yeah?”  Harry took a shuddery breath as Niall snaked a hand down the front of his sleep pants and gave his semi a squeeze.

“ _Jesus_.” Harry breathed out, his sight going slightly out of focus.

“I’ve kind of got company right now though…” Niall informed him with a regretful pout.

 “I, no, I know that’s why I was.” He trailed off nodding towards the staircase door Niall raised an eyebrow.

“Could tell him to scram it’s just _Georgie_ ” Niall seemed to be thinking out loud more than actually talking to Harry.

 “Just Georgie?” Harry couldn’t help but snort, eyes shifting around the hallway Niall laughed.

“Yeah we’re mates Haz I’ve told you before…” Harry rolled his eyes, what did that even mean as far as he knew _he_ and Niall were only mates and Niall’s gotten him off _twice_ now.

 “Ok but you say that a lot, so it doesn’t exactly mean much.” Harry shot back though he couldn’t quite get his vice to convey all the blind hot anger he felt whenever he thought about Niall and his _pal_ Georgie especially tucked away alone in Niall’s dorm room. Niall only laughed again.

“Let me hit the loo and then I’ll tell him to get lost yeah, something’s come up.” He made sure to pop the ‘p’ letting his eyes drift down Harry’s body to land pointedly on his crotch. Harry gulped and he almost agreed, almost nodded but no that’s not what he came up here for and he’d be damned if he let those eyes and that smile distract him from his objective.

“Wait no, I mean you should tell him to go…but like not for _that_.” Niall raised a single pointed eyebrow looking at Harry’s crotch once more.

“Oh no?” Harry began to fidget from foot to foot, hoping to loosen his sleep pants enough to hide his growing arousal better. For all Niall knew he could still be sporting morning wood.

“Erm no, I came by to talk.”

“Talk.” Niall repeated flatly, as though he’d just suggested they shave their head and draw new hair with sharpie.

“Yes about this.” The taller boy gestured between the two of them and bit his lip.

“This.” Niall parroted incredulously and Harry could tell this was probably the last thing the blonde wanted to do.

“Yes you know us, I mean if you want to?” Niall finally just sighed before nodding.

“Could definitely think of a dozen other things we could be doing with our lips and tongues but alright just let me get to business and I’ll get rid of g-man in there.” Harry nodded back once and leant his back against the wall to wait.

XXX

It’s quite obvious that Niall had only been humoring Harry because the moment George was out of the room he was on the brunette, kissing down his body until he was ridding the taller boy of his Green bay Packers pajama pants a souvenir from one of his father’s business trips to Wisconsin in America. Harry tried to resist—If stuttering out nonsense that he _thought_ resembled talking while Niall undressed him—counted as trying then yes he gave it a valiant effort, but in the end Niall was just too much to resist.

So Niall blows him and then kisses him chastely afterward, laughing into Harry’s mouth when the brunette brought a hand to the back of his head to keep him there. Harry took advantage of the fact and quickly darted his tongue into the blonde’s mouth massaging his tongue with his own and making the Irish boy gasp in surprise.

“Haz.” Niall mumbled in warning, trying to speak but Harry was too busy whimpering into his mouth to pay attention so when he was suddenly shoved away hard Harry brought a hand up to his mouth, eyes comically wide as he stared at Niall’s face twisted in anger, chest heaving. He ran a shaky hand through his tousled locks, avoiding Harry’s confused gaze. Finally gathering his bearings Niall spoke:

“I don’t want that, I don’t…I don’t usually kiss.”

“Um ok, like ever? Was that your first…?” Niall snorted a sound Harry was quickly becoming familiar with.

“Cos not, I just mean I don’t usually…it’s not _included_ alright?”

“Included?” Harry repeated completely thrown by Niall’s choice of word and that’s when it clicked and Harry was suddenly scrambling up off the bed so quickly he nearly forgot that Niall hadn’t taken his pants off completely had only pushed them down to the knees and tripped on them. He caught himself in time and hastily pulled them up and scanned the floor for his tossed t-shirt, returning the favor the last thing on his mind as he finally comprehended what Niall was implying he didn’t usually kiss his _Johns_ as in the men he slept with for money. Niall was treating what they had like he was still hooking on the street.

“Haz—Harry wait I…”

“Fuck you Niall, I didn’t realize you viewed this as a, a fucking _business transaction_. My mistake or maybe it was your mistake because my dad hasn’t left or sent me any money so whatever you planned to charge me for…”

“Don’t be stupid mate, it’s not like that…fuck man we’ve done this what three times already if I was planning to charge ya, I’d have done it by now.”

“Fuck me; I’m such a fucking fool aren’t I?” Niall brought his hands up in front of him speaking slow as if he were approaching a skittish horse.

“What no, Haz...”

“No I am…I came here to ask you out again, knowing you were probably going to turn me down _again_ but I couldn’t not _try_ because I like you Niall for whatever reason I actually _like you_ and I thought you liked me too, you certainly seem to like my _dick_ and we get on so well but I was wrong…this whole bloody time I have been.”

“I _do_ like you Harry, just not in the way you want me to. You’ve become a close mate these past couple of weeks alright it’s not _that_ , I just told you I’m not interested in a relationship. They’re pipe dreams yeah? They don’t last and besides I’m, I’m in love with someone else.” At this Harry went completely berserk.

“Are you shittin’ me you’ve known George Shelley for less time then you’ve known me.”

“Not with fucking George Shel…are you serious Harry no! Back home I’ve got this boy Josh, he’s my best mate and probably the love of my life and he’s it for me Haz we’ve been through a lot and he’s been there for me through everything with…he saved my life alright.” Niall didn’t mention that this love was almost 1000% one sided or that it probably always would be, nor did he mention that that wasn’t the only reason he couldn’t return Harry’s feelings because he didn’t want to complicate things anymore than they already were. Things were just better if they stayed casual, Harry didn’t need to know about the nightmares he still got from time to time about Drew finding his way up here and sneaking into his dorm room and forcing himself of Niall while Louis lay passed out no more than a foot away. He was ruined goods.

“Well if you’re so in love then why do anything with me at all…how do you think you’re lover back home Josh would feel if he knew you liked sucking my dick?” Harry spat, not meaning for his words to come out as cold as they had. Niall just stared at him for a moment before he nodded and still shirtless walked over to the door and opened it:

“You’re right Haz, guess we’re done here then.” Harry glared at the shorter boy as he passed.

“Damn right we are.” He growled, stomping through the doorway and to the staircase without a backwards glance.

XXX

Less than a minute later Harry was shuffling into his room, forgetting to be quiet in case Zayn was still asleep. Surprisingly though Zayn sat up with his ever present novel in his grip. He spared Harry a brief look before returning his eyes to his page then did a double take noticing his roommate’s obvious distress. Harry shot him a look that clearly told him he didn’t want to talk about it and hurried over to his desk to boot up his mac.

His emotions were all over the place and he just really needed to talk to someone he knew cared about him and that’s why after entering his computer password he immediately opened his browser to Yahoo mail, typing in the now familiar email address, he hadn’t actually used it since receiving that first email from ‘Lily’ but he’d typed it into the recipient box more times than he could count typing up emails to her, telling her how much he missed  and still loved her, confessing to having feelings for another, a _boy_ named Niall and how conflicted he was because he didn’t understand how he could be in love with her but still want Niall the way that he did but he never dared send any of these messages to her, always deleting them in the end but today he planned to do it, to actually send her an email.

_Lily,_

_God have I missed you._

_That night was probably the second most nerve-wrecking night of my life, the first being the first night we made love of course...my first time ever. It was perfect, you were perfect and I’ve never regretted our time together ever—I really want you to know that. Let’s be honest I looked right dashing in my bow tie and blazer very James Bond-esque if I do say so myself. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write back to you but I just didn’t know what to say— **how** to say that I do understand and I too can’t wait until I can come back home and return to my normal life and just not be here, I wish I could be _ anywhere _but_ here _right now. I’ve made a few friends if you can believe it, me with friends and I swear only the most attractive people have issues because this school is overrun with fit people even a few of the counselors but no one compares to you my lovely Ca-Lily I—_

The words on the screen began to blur together as Harry’s emotions finally got the better of him and he stopped fighting altogether, allowing the tears to finally fall. Zayn looked up from his book at the quiet sniffles coming from the other side of the room that Harry obviously was trying to cover up. Biting his lip he made up his mind to ignore Harry’s hunched shoulders that screamed _back off_ and marked his page with a tissue before silently crossing over to the other boy’s bed, box of tissues in hand.

“Look you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but Haz you know I’m here for ya right as a roommate but also just a mate, whatever you tell me never leaves this room yeah? Bedtime confessions come ‘round a little early tonight maybe?” Harry made a hiccupping noise and finally turned to where Zayn now sat on his bed, holding up a box of tissue as offing. Harry rolled his eyes and took a few.

“Alright, I fuck I don’t even know how to begin to tell the truth. I’ve never told anyone else before because it could get me and someone I care a lot about in trouble so…” He stopped to blow his nose. Zayn made sure to look him directly in the eyes when he said:

“It’ll never leave this room Harry, I swear it.” Convinced, Harry took a deep breath.

“You remember that older woman I told you I fooled around with a couple of nights ago?” Zayn nodded.

“Your nanny Mary was wondering about that you know what with the age difference…”

“Yeah well it wasn’t her I was messing about with.” The dark boy’s eyebrows screwed up in confusion.

“Huh but you said…”

“No you assumed and I just never corrected you, but she’s not the one. I’m not in love with Mary.” Zayn’s eyes widened at the word love, but chose not to comment.

“Ok then who?”

“Ca—Caroline.”

“Caroline? Who is she; you’ve never mentioned her before.” Harry shrugged, looking down at the tissue he’d idly begun shredding in his hand instead of meeting Zayn’s eyes.

“I kind of have just not by name.”

“Ok you’re going to have to explain because I’m completely lost who is Caroline?” Harry took one last deep breath because this was it, the moment of truth.

“My step mum.” He exhaled with a loud whoosh, feeling like he’d just been relieved of a 100 lb anchor that had been shackled to his ankle for months.

“F-fuck.” Was all Zayn could think to say.

“Yeah.”

“Dude.”  Zayn would not be winning any awards for his eloquence anytime soon but who could blame him, this was a lot to take in.

“I know alright? I know but the thing is my mum left me when I was quite young to be raised by let’s face is an emotionless robot a.k.a my dad and my life has been just so lonely did you know that you, Lou, Liam and Niall are my first friends—ever. I’m nearly seventeen years old and I’ve never gone to a party, never been invited to chill or go to the cinema. I had no one and then Caroline married my dad and she’s suddenly there all the time and she was left all alone as well because my dad works all the bloody time so it was basically just me and her and a bunch of house staff floating around this huge mansion and each other like dust mites until one night we don’t float around each other, no we eat dinner together for the first time and Caroline asks me to join her for a film and that becomes a thing for us and it’s so _nice_ because she laughs at my jokes and says she likes my hair and things just started to change between us subtle at first and then not so subtle as she blatantly comes on to me during movie night and I let it happen because girls my age didn’t look twice at me and the boys pretty much treated me like I had the plague and Caroline actually wanted me, me. We started fooling around just after I turned sixteen and now we’re in love, like legit love she and I were going to run away together and everything once I turned eighteen but my kind of walked in on us in his bed and I was already on think ice for getting caught with drugs so I was dropped here by the weekend.”

“Damn curly, I don’t know what to say.” And he really didn’t he could go the typical hormonal male route and slap Harry a high five for boning his step mum, but he didn’t think that would be very helpful considering.

“I know it’s a lot to take in and actually I just really appreciate you letting me vent I didn’t realize how much keeping all of that inside was weighing down on me. The thing is I got an email from a girl named Lily a while ago and it’s obviously a pseudo for Caroline to write me under in case Simon has a filter or whatever on emails here?” Zayn shrugged.

“No idea, Liam would know if you wanted to ask him? How do you know it was from her then?”

“Well the things she wrote about for one, I don’t actually know anyone  named lily and the things in the email were pretty personal, two lilies are Caroline’s favorite flower so it all just makes sense you know?”

“I supposed but Harry why the break down now?” Harry took a shuddery breath as he remembered what transpired between him and Niall and quickly shook his head.

“That I really don’t feel like talking about sorry, but like something happened and I just felt like talking to someone who really knew me and loved me and so I was going to email her back.”

“Wait you haven’t emailed her back yet?”

“No, I didn’t know if I really wanted to open that door again just yet, not when I’ve only just had my first session with Nick.” Zayn makes a thoughtful noise, nodding his head in agreement.

“Can I be completely honest with you here?”

“Please.”

“Alright I really don’t think you should email her, in fact I think you need to keep your distance from her and hopefully with Nick’s help get over her because being in love with your step mum while probably the secret fantasy of every teenage boy especially if she’s a milf.” He paused, waiting for Harry’s enthusiastic nod before continuing.

“But it’s not healthy and I hate to be the bearer of bad news here Haz but you do know that what she did isn’t right, right? That she physically and mentally abused you. No matter if you enjoyed or wanted it, it shouldn’t have happened. She took full advantage of her role of maternal figure to you. Her being well aware of your abandonment issues and the fact that you’d never experienced intimacy before—she preyed on your vulnerability and it’s just sick that she’s convinced both you and herself that its love.”

Harry physically flinched at Zayn’s harsh but honest words. On some level he knew his friend was right but he was also speaking as an outsider he couldn’t possibly know that the feelings were real no matter where they stemmed from or how unorthodox the situation the feelings were deep and genuine and no amount of therapy was going to change that and he could never view what they had as abuse.

“Whoa, pretty good analysis there Zayn, might put Grimmy out of a job.” Harry joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit. Zayn offered him a smirk.

“Are you good now?” The older boy asked, holding the box of tissues out to him once more just in case but Harry just pushed it away with a chuckle.

“I am thanks.” Zayn squinted his eyes at him, skeptically.

“You’re not just saying so to I don’t know shut me up and send me back to my book are you?” Harry smiled guiltily.

“I might be a little bit but you honestly did help me, promise.” Zayn sighed in defeat and stood, ready to head back over to his side of the room.

“You’re still going to email her aren’t you?”

“I…” Zayn suddenly held up a hand cutting him off.

“Look don’t even tell me yeah? That way I won’t be lying if someone comes around asking questions later ok?” Harry rolled his eyes, because no one was going to find out, if he had his way. He made a mental note to remember to ask Liam about possible email filters all the same though as he turned back to his computer screen and after typing one last sentence about missing the smell of her strawberry shampoo he signed, _with love_ and pressed send.

XXX

Hours later after an awkward lunch where Harry had opted to sit at Zayn’s usual table despite the fact that Zayn himself wasn’t even there, was instead sitting with Liam and Niall seeing as Louis was still out with his family. He ate mostly in silence, only half listening to the various conversations being had around the table but not contributing any.

He and Zayn were back in their room Zayn on his bed with his book once more while Harry played a thrilling game of candy crush when Louis barges into their room without knocking and throws himself face first on Harry’s bed. Harry looks up from his laptop concerned.

“Louis you’re back. Was it not a good visit then?”

“it kin da sooked royyoknee acktully.” Louis spoke with his face still smooshed into Harry’s pillow.”

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that.” Rolling over Harry noticed the wet sheen to Louis’ eyes and knew he was minutes away from crying.

“It was awful Hazza, it sucked royally and I just…god can we be alone you think?” He said this to Harry but the last bit was obviously addressed to Zayn who still lay on his bed, pretending to be completely invested in his novel when they all knew full well he was listening to every single word Louis said. Harry shot his roommate a pleading look which got a ‘oh hell no’ look in return.

“But this is my room too.” He finally said when Harry’s puppy dog eyes hadn’t wavered. But with a dramatic sigh Zayn tossed his book into his bedside drawer and collected his doc martens mumbling something about ‘needing a smoke anyway’ and ‘Tomlinson owing him one’ as he exited the room.

“Sooo what happened?” Harry started, scooting his desk chair closer to the bed so he could rub soothing circles into Louis’ shoulder.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” Louis said clipped, choosing to study his fingernails instead.

“Oh well have you been up to your room yet?” The shorter boy shrugged, and then shook his head.

“No my mum just dropped me off a couple of minutes ago and I rushed straight here because _hell_ I don’t even know why.” Harry scratched at the back of his neck with the hand not on Louis’ shoulder at a lost as to what to say.

“Oh um ok well if you don’t want to talk about it then…” Louis suddenly threw his arms up exasperated.

“Jesus Christ alright I’ll tell you. It was worst than I thought it would be. I mean seeing the girls was wonderful I love them more than life you see but it’s just my mum she’s horrible! I can never win with her she still believes I am using my sickness as an excuse to shuck my responsibilities, actually had the nerve to judge my eating at lunch and some of the things she’d said about my mate Stan called him a faggot and said I wasn’t allowed to see him even when I came home—it took everything in me not to correct her. Because it’s not really _when_ I come home is it Haz it’s never been a matter of when I come home. It’s _if_ , if I come home. Even if I do get well again it doesn’t mean I’m obligated to go back home to the place where my illness began because I think I’d just end up relapsing you know? She’d drive me to it all over again and I can’t live like that, like this.”

His breathing had become labored as he struggled not to hyperventilate his mother had him so worked up.

“I hate being like this, a freak. I mean what is wrong with me why can’t I just eat a full fucking sandwich without wanting to run to the bathroom and puke it out? Why can’t I enjoy a small bowl of ice cream without looking in the mirror afterward and seeing exactly where on my body the fat I just consumed has accumulated?  If I don’t get better I’ll be alone forever you know, no one is going to want to love the flame-y boy with an eating disorder and an arse the size of China.”

“You’re arse is amazing Lou.” Harry cooed, doubling his efforts to rub the tension from Louis’ shoulder. The comment was so unexpected and widely inappropriate that Louis couldn’t help but snort loudly, a hand coming up to cover his mouth immediately after but even that couldn’t keep the giggles from spilling out.

“Oh god all that and _that’s_ what you choose to comfort me about, Jesus where’d you learn your comforting techniques Harry? Still, I think I’ll keep you though.”

 Harry doesn’t know if that’s what he had been intending to do exactly, he’s just never really been in this position before having to console a friend so he was more than a little out of his element and had kind of just said the first honest thing that popped into his head.

“You know you’re kind of amazing too though right? Not just your bum I mean, you’re kind of the glue that holds us all together and I just don’t really get how you don’t see that how your mum can not see that. You’ve helped and changed me so much already and we’ve only just met. And believe me I can tell you without a doubt that you’re wrong about being alone, there’s someone out there that will love you flaws and all Louis you just have to let down your walls long enough for him to sneak in yeah?”

His only response was wet sniffles and Louis seeking out his hand with his own which when found he squeezed and brought up to his lips as a silent ‘thank you’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone still reading who haven't given up on this story just bc its writer is a big tit :( i really do appreciate everyone's words of encouragement and just thank you all so so so much!!!
> 
> <3 Jen


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Usual warnings for this story apply:** i don't want to give too much away but definite trigger warnings and that one of the main characters relapse :/
> 
> A/N: I was really excited about this zouis scene bc it was just so perfect in my head but like i don't think i'm completely satisfied with how it turned out but i don't hate it which sometimes is the best i'm going to get out of myself lol so yeah let me know what you think :D

That Monday Simon surprises the junior and senior class by cancelling lessons for the entire day and instead making it mandatory that they take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather outside. Louis suggests they go white water rafting and Harry being an Aquarius, the water sign is all for it.

 

Liam is slightly more hesitant knowing that just because the sun was out and the temperature was warm didn't necessarily mean the river would reflect this. He knew the water would still be quite frigid but it was near impossible to say no to Louis and even harder to talk him out of doing something he really wanted to do. So the older boy inevitably caves and agrees but on one condition that they all would at least wear wetsuit tops under their life vests. Louis grumbles his protests claiming that he’d been planning to work on his tan which was ridiculous because they lived in bloody England, where a tan was pretty much an old wives’ tale.

 

Each raft holds 6 people and so far they’ve only got four. Louis, Liam, Harry and of course Niall because the others still had yet to notice the weird tension between the youngest boys. So when they catch Zayn wandering around outside looking lost for what to do with himself because he wasn’t exactly the outdoorsy type and had declined to go with Perrie and her girls for a nature hike and he’d pretty much laughed in Justin and Conor’s faces when they suggested climbing the rock wall (he was deathly afraid of heights and they knew it) so Harry called out to the darker boy.

 

“Hey Zayn if you’re not doing anything maybe you could join us, we need like two more riders or else Cowell won’t let us go.”

 

“Uh, isn’t the water like below freezing or summat you lads are off your tit, who’s the Einstein behind this idea anyway?” All eyes turned to Louis who already sat in the raft in full gear not even bothering to look offended.

 

“Look Malik just because you’re too much of a diva to get yer bloody hair wet doesn’t give you the right to discourage the rest of us from having a brilliant time.”

 

“Define brilliant mate because last time I checked freezing yer bollocks off was not it.” The truth was Zayn couldn’t swim, not that he would ever tell them that, Tomlinson especially and even though he’d always thought white water rafting sounded like a lot of fun in theory he knew he’d probably never get the chance to actually do it, not to mention he wasn’t lying about freezing his balls off not being his idea of a good time, because really.

 

“Suit yourself mate just thought I’d ask since you didn’t seem to know what you wanted to do and we really do need more riders before we can go.” Harry finished with a pout because he was really pumped to go now that the idea was in his brain, but he was not going to force or bully Zayn into joining them. Zayn opened his mouth t reply when Niall suddenly came running up to the riverbank.

 

“Have no fear lads, Nialler has come through yet again. I got us a fifth.”  Liam and Louis made a show of cheering while Harry just rolled his eyes, he could only imagine who Niall convinced to join them most likely Omar or perhaps Justin, everyone knew Justin would set his own hair on fire if Niall promised to blow him afterward.

 

“Hiya boys.” Came the all too familiar Bristol accent that Harry was quickly starting to associate with a pounding headache. The curly haired boy looked up from the buckles of his life vest he’d been double checking only to spy none other than George fucking Shelley grinning from ear-to-ear no doubt at the prospect of being included, too bad he wasn’t actually wanted.

 

Harry could probably think of about a half dozen million people he would rather share a raft with over Shelley with Satan, Paris Hilton and former U.S president George W. Bush topping the list. But to his shock and dismay Louis just clapped his hands and tossed the Bristol native a wetsuit top and life jacket.

 

“Sweet mate, you can sit in the middle with Niall then, me and Haz call front and Liam will obviously steer at the rear with whoever we get to be our sixth.”

 

“Wait what?” Harry couldn’t stop himself from blurting, shooting Louis an obvious look that said ‘are you mad we don’t _like_ him remember?’ to which Louis just shrugged.

 

“We need a fifth Haz and in case you haven’t noticed there aren’t a whole lot of people lining up to help us out with that, your bloody wanker of a roommate won’t even be a lad and get in the fucking raft.” Zayn glared, refusing to be bullied into joining them because for one thing he could _drown_ but he also didn’t know the first thing about steering a fucking raft with him designated to helping Liam in the back they would just end up going in bloody circle all afternoon.

 

“Go ride a dick Tomlinson, talk like that ain’t going to convince me any.”

 

“You’d like to watch that wouldn’t you? And believe me I’m not trying to convince you of anything I’ve long since deemed you a lost cause in every way possible so don’t you worry your perfectly quiffed head over it yeah?” Zayn was nearly floored by the first bit because yeah he wouldn’t mind watching Louis who had indisputably the nicest arse he’d ever set eyes on, and if he was being completely honest  with himself he knew he’d much rather watch Louis riding his own dick, though he’d never admit as much to the infuriating boy.

 

It was the second part of what Louis had said that really got to him however, a lost cause. That’s all he’s ever been, teachers said so, the judge had said so hell his parents had treated him as one since he’d hit puberty, but he’d be damned if he was going to let Louis Tomlinson of all people view him as one. So without warning Zayn stepped up to the where the raft floated and snapped his fingers angrily at the feather haired boy.

 

“Life vest.” He said simply. Louis just blinked stubbornly back at him, unmoving.

 

“Zayn seriously, don’t like come if you really don’t want to. I’m sure Louis was only taking the piss.” Harry said, trying to ease the sudden tension that always seemed to surround them whenever Zayn and Louis were together.

 

“I really wasn’t.” Louis corrected, lifting a defiant chin. His eyes never leaving Zayn’s steely hazel ones as he finally relented and handed the final life jacket over.

 

His hands shook slightly as he fastened his life vest across his body but he covered this fact by cursing Louis under his breath but still loud enough for the others to here and roll their eyes as they got a preview of what the entire trip would no doubt be like. Zayn and Louis exchanging insults and pretty much making the others lives a living hell, Harry in particular was really looking forward to it coupled with the knowledge that sat just behind him would be Niall and George with their school yard flirting was sure to be a joy...not.

 

Making sure Liam double checked that his vest was on securely Zayn waited until everyone but he, Liam, and George who would be taking up the seat directly behind Harry were seated to slowly climb into the raft himself, nearly trembling in fear and causing Niall to raise an eyebrow.

 

“Ya alright there Zee?”

“Yeah I’m good just been a while since I’ve been in one of these.”

 

“Oh so you’ve been white water rafting before then?” George piped up trying to earn Zayn’s friendship no doubt. The darker boy just rolled his eyes in return.

 

“No, I meant rafts in general, it’s been a while.”

 

“Alright mate, take your time then, get your water legs back under ya.” Zayn sent the Irish boy a grateful smile and finally sank down into his spot in the raft. George and Liam climbed in soon after him, considerably faster and after all oars were handed out Liam did the honors of untying the raft and pushing off from the bank.

 

XXX

 

Liam knew something was bound to go wrong from the moment he realized Louis was paddling toward the left which would lead them down the rougher more advanced route which Simon had specifically instructed them to avoid today because of the water’s low temperature, he figured they’d get less wet if they used the tamer route which Liam personally was much in favor of.

 

But again Louis was adamant on getting his way and because the others unlike Liam hadn’t realized where their faithful leader was taking them they were paddling right along with him and quite frankly Liam was no match for the five of them on his own so he kept his mouth shut and stopped paddling instead he held his oar still steering them further in the direction Louis wished.

 

Once they were on course Louis chanced a peek over his shoulder and couldn’t help but laugh at the stern head shake Liam shot him.

 

“Nice to see you’ve grown a pair Payne, I thought for sure you were going to try and talk me out of it once you realized.”

 

“What would be the point we both know you always get your way…I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

 

“Of course I don’t…where’d be the fun in that?” He finished with yet another manic cackle as they fast approached the first of the rapids, the foamy white water seeming to suck their raft in towards them.

 

“Wait what’re you two going on about?” Harry finally asked the question that was on everyone’s tongue.

 

“Oh nothing really just, well you remember when Cowell told us to take the _tamer_ course?”

 

“Uh huh…” Harry trailed already knowing what Louis was going to say before he said it.

 

“Well, this ain’t it.” All were quiet as the reality of what lay ahead of them really sank in, all except Zayn who couldn’t help but curse aloud:

 

“Fuckin’ A.” He shuddered, eyes widening as they hit the first swell of rapids, it wasn’t so bad yeah they got splashed with ice cold water but everyone was still seated but Zayn knew this was only the beginning and that bigger, rougher rapids were still to come.

 

“I’m so going to kill you for this when we’re back on land Tomlinson, just you wait.”

 

“Ooh promises, promises you know I like it when you talk dirty Malik.”

 

“If by dirty you mean bloody because I can promise you there will be quite a lot of it when I’m through with you.”

 

“Zayn you can’t, you promised to go with me to the town bookstore to check out their comic book selection next weekend, if you beat Lou up you’ll lose your pass.”

 

“Hey way to prioritize Li, ‘not you can’t beat him up because he’s my mate and much to pretty’, but no you wanna look at superhero porn.” Louis protested at the same time that Zayn said:

 

“Sorry Li but fu—“He was cut off by the approach of a particularly angry looking roll of rapids, throwing the boys around like rag dolls.

 

“—uccck that.” Zayn finished, glaring at the back of Louis’ even if the older boy couldn’t see it as his perfect quiff now drooped onto his forehead completely soaked and dripping cold water down his face and into his eyes.

 

“For fucks sake you want some cheese with that whine?” Louis teased without turning.

 

“That’s it he’s dead, mark my words Liam he is deader than the deadest thing.”

 

“Really the _deadest thing_? Now I really feel special. You’ve truly got a way with words there Malik ever thought of writing for the school paper?”

 

“I…” Harry’s loud sigh cut him off.

 

“Can’t you two just ignore each other, I mean damn this was supposed to be a nice outing off campus for us all and the two of you are making it a nightmare. I almost wish there was an iceberg or summat for us to crash into so we could swim to shore early.”

 

“Well there are plenty of rocks.” George pointed out unhelpfully, but Harry could tell that even _his_ nerves were wearing thin and that was saying something because Georgie was pretty desperate to get on either Louis or Zayn’s good side.

 

“I know, how about an old fashion sing-a-long?” Niall suggested already humming tunelessly.

 

“Sweet mother please kill me instead.” Louis muttered so only Harry could hear.

 

“That’s a great idea, any requests?” George agreed as they narrowly paddled through another mess of rapids and made it to the other side.

 

“How about some JT for the folks at home?” Liam suggested, trying to be a good sport as he steered them away from a huge rock, he could already feel the ache his arms were going to have come tomorrow as Zayn was pretty much useless with an oar beside him.

 

“Perfect… _she grabs that yellow bottle, she likes the way it hit her lips_.” Niall started off sounding eerily close to Mr. Timberlake himself. He pointed to his partner to take up the next line.

 

“ _She gets to the bottom; it sends her on a trip so right_.” Without even looking Harry could tell George was singing through his teeth, his perma-smile in place and he bitterly admitted the boy didn’t sound terrible as the two of them harmonized on the next verse:

 

“ _She might be goin’ home with me tonight_.”

 

“ _She looks like a model, except she got a little more **ass**_ **.** ” Harry yelped as he suddenly felt something pinch his left butt cheek and he whirled around, eyes narrowed but he only found innocent eyes staring back at him from both Niall and George as they continued to sing.

 

“ _Don’t even bother, unless you got that thing that she likes_.”

 

Harry had a good idea who the culprit was but what confused him was _why_ he’d done it. They weren’t even on _speaking_ terms at the moment let alone _groping_ terms he had a good mind to whack the blonde in the head with his oar if he were a more ill tempered man, but as it was he preferred nonviolence over the former.

 

“ _I hope she’s goin’ home with me tonight.”_ Niall’s blue met his green for the first time since there fight and the blonde had the nerve to raise an eyebrow in that maddeningly attractive way that he does and all Harry could do was roll his eyes and turn his back to him once more because what the hell kind of game was Niall playing at? First bringing George of all people on their rafting trip and now this? He was quickly being reminded why he despised playing mind games.

 

“Shit, shit, shit.” Zayn cried out as they paddled toward a ferocious mass of rapids, Niall and George’s singing no longer a good enough distraction for the Bradford boy.

 

“Don’t worry princess, we’ve got this.” Louis called over his shoulder eyes wide with glee as he leaned into the rapids, as if challenging them. At one point he even spread his arms and yelled ‘come at me bro’ to the damn things which Niall broke off mid-lyric to chortle at. Everyone remained calm except for Zayn who gripped the oar in his lap for dear life not amused in the slightest, and silently sending up a prayer to whoever would listen that they get through this batch without incident.

 

Someone must’ve liked him up there because when he opened his eyes they were out of it and Niall was grinning back at him.

 

“I think a song change is in order don’t you Zen?”

 

“Uh, I don’t give a shit?” Because he had more important matters to think of, the blonde ignored his indifference.

 

“Sure ya do mate… _too much light in my window, don’t wake me up_.” Zayn rolled his eyes at the younger boy but couldn’t help but smile because he did love him some Chris Brown.

 

“ _Only coffee no sugar, inside my cup_.” George sang next, grinning as Niall held the handle of his oar in front of Zayn’s mouth like a makeshift microphone. Zayn thought about refusing but in the end he liked making Niall happy and singing with him was a sure fire way to make the Irish boy’s day.

 

“ _If I wake and you’re still here, give me a kiss. I wasn’t finished dreaming, about your lips_.”  Louis and Harry both turned in surprise at the unfamiliar but rich voice, it was Louis who spoke:

 

“Whoa who the fuck was that, Li was that you???” If Harry wasn’t mistaken there was a tinge of entreat to the shorter boy’s tone.

 

“Sadly no that would be the man with the cheekbones like no other, our friend Mr. Zayn Malik here.”  Harry offered his roommate an impressed smile but Louis simply frowned, turning back around and Harry could only assume that he wasn’t too happy about there being yet another thing his enemy excelled at.

 

“All together now!” Niall shouted as they fought through yet another swell and the entire raft obliged, singing out together in various ranges for the chorus.

 

“ _Don’t wake me up, up, up, up, up, up, don’t wake me up. Don’t wake me_.” Zayn was really getting into it by the second time around, throwing his head back and belting out at the top of his lungs. Thus he missed the first look at the worst of the rapids so far, angry foamy waves that you could actually hear roaring at them, beckoning them, daring them to try and face them, not that they really had a choice in the matter the raft was fast approaching these rapids and even Niall’s voice began to waiver at the sight. It wasn’t until he realized he was singing alone that Zayn opened his eyes curiously and gasped at what he saw.

 

“Oh god, oh god, oh god.” He repeated unable to control his mouth as his entire body began to tremble so much that Liam actually felt it beside him and the elder boy wished that he could hold his friend, assuring him that they’d get through this and steer them out of it at the same time, but alas he couldn’t so instead he focused on getting them passed these like all the one’s before, because the quicker they did the sooner he could scoop Zayn to him and help calm him down once more.

 

“Now that’s what I’m talkin’ bout.” Louis whooped, paddling double time much to the other occupants of the rafts shock.

 

“Lou, mate maybe we should hedge away from this one yeah? Some of us aren’t so comfortable taking these bad boys head on like you.” Niall tried to reason with their fearless leader, but Louis just paddled on.

 

“Ay, no back seat rafting.”He shouted then laughed at his own joke and carried on.  Zayn was clutching the oar he held so tightly now that he feared it may actually snap in his hands as his anxiety levels soared through the roof.

 

They made it through the worst of it with little more than drenched swimming trunks and quite a bit of water now pooled on the floor of the raft but other than that Zayn thought the worst of his fears were over with until Louis threw his arms and oar up in the air and shouted:

 

“I’m the king of the world.” In his best Jack Dawson impersonation, as if he were taunting the rapids to hit him with their best shot, he was so preoccupied shouting at the frothy waves that he completely missed the rock until it was too late, leaving all the work up to Liam to steer away from it all on his own.

 

He did his best but he was but one teenage boy and in the end it just wasn’t good enough and without warning the back end of the raft hit the rock lifting up out of the water and consequently throwing Zayn from the raft into the lake.

 

XXX

 

Zayn screamed as his worst nightmare came true and he found himself flailing in the frigid water, trying his best to keep his head above the water and the life vest did its job for the most part but he couldn’t keep from panicking and getting water in his mouth as a result. Louis hooted with laughter at seeing Zayn get thrown, knowing it was bound to happen to at least one of them, after all no rafting trip would be complete otherwise. It was just an added bonus for him that it was _Malik_ who it happened to.

 

The novelty quickly wore off  however as Zayn began flailing his arms around dramatically like a bloody chicken with its head cut off or summat, which was just overkill and bad form if you asked him, so rolling his eyes drolly Louis called out to the darker boy.

 

“Ok Malik, you’ve had your fifteen minutes of fame, you bloody attention whore but now I think it’s time you reeled it in no?” Zayn tried to call out to him, to any one of them really but every time he tried his mouth just filled up with water again and by the time he spit it out another mouthful rushed in to replace it.

 

“Seriously Malik enough, would you just swim back to the damn raft already so we can carry on, we don’t wanna be out here until nightfall you wanker!”

 

It’s at this point that Louis’ eyes widen as Zayn finally manages to gargle out two simple words that freeze them all to the bone:

 

“Can—can’t swim.” The color drains from everyone’s faces as the severity of the situation really hits and Liam and Harry quickly devise which is the most effective way of paddling over to Zayn but before anyone can blink Louis is climbing out of the raft and swimming out to where Zayn still flopped around in a panic, putting Olympic gold medalists to shame with the speed in which he reaches him.

 

 Once within reaching distance Louis grabbed for Zayn’s life vest and tugged the trembling boy to him. Zayn shamelessly clung to Lou’s side still gagging on the water he’d managed to swallow in his fear. Louis is quiet as he focuses on floating them back over to the raft and he’s still silent as he helps Niall and George pull Zayn back into the raft first and then himself.

 

In fact everyone is quiet and surprisingly still as they await Louis’ (who now sat with Zayn in the middle of the raft with Niall and Harry up front and George taking up Zayn’s old spot in the rear) instruction, taking note of the wide-eyed panic that still shown in his blue eyes as well as the way Louis’ hands still clutched at Zayn’s life vest as if for dear life.

 

“Paddle into the nearest bank, I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m a bit over rafting myself.” He informed them bitterly, still refusing to let go of his hold on Zayn until they were on land again, not that the shivering boy was complaining.

Louis’ hands too shook but it had little to do with the chill and more because he was still buzzing on the sudden adrenaline rush from jumping in after Zayn, acting on pure instinct which really scared him more than anything else because this was _Zayn_ , he wasn’t supposed to care this _much_ , his heart wasn’t supposed to be pounding this _hard_.

 

 When they’re finally back on shore Louis wastes little time in shoving Zayn to the ground and walking a few feet away while he wrings his hands together, muttering to himself too low and fast for anyone to make out what he was saying before Harry can walk after him to comfort him, Louis is whirling back around and clomping back over and without a word he lands a heavy smack to Zayn’s face.

 

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell anyone you couldn’t swim you sorry sod, you could’ve… _fuck_! Are you bloody mad or just touched in the head? I mean why the fuck would you even agree to go white water rafting in the first place?” It was Zayn’s turn to glare, his cheek still stinging from the slap.

 

“You, you nit, you’re the one who goaded me into coming, I tried to refuse but then you said…”

 

“Jesus so it’s my fault I hadn’t a bloody idea that you couldn’t swim but yeah let’s just blame me.” Zayn opened his mouth to refute this but Louis just turned from him and stomped away in the direction of the dorms without another word.

 

Harry moves to help Zayn to his feet and instructs him to lean on him as they make their own way back to the dorms leaving the other three to put the raft, oars and vests away. Once in their room Harry allowed Zayn to sit at his desk to rest while he gathered both of their toiletries kits so that they could catch a hot shower before dinner.

“Ngh, don’t wanna Haz…too tired.”  The older boy complained when Harry tried pulling him up onto his feet once more. Harry had no doubt that this was indeed true, they’d all had quite a busy afternoon, none more than Zayn but he also knew his friend would benefit greatly from a hot shower to chase away the bone deep chill from being tossed into the water.  

He was of course right because once the hot water hit Zayn’s goose bumped skin he let out a sigh of pleasure and even began singing  little bit and by the end he was himself again, not the semi comatose zombie that had been pulled from the lake.

They met with the others in the cafeteria, noticing right away Louis’ absence and looked at once to The Wanted’s table; he wasn’t there either so Harry just assumed he was hiding out in his room. He knew he could technically ask Niall but he still wasn’t talking to the Irish bastard. Zayn sat with them at their table that meal, everyone was so preoccupied with their thoughts that no one even had the heart to chase George back to his usual table. They ate in silence, even Liam was uncharacteristically quiet, while usually he’d make some kind of attempt at lightening the mood, in fact Liam was acting so off that for the first time since they met Harry watched as the older boy didn’t react, didn’t so much as twitch when Ed walked through the door.

XXX

After dinner Zayn and Harry returned to their room and just about passed out on their beds much too exhausted to do much else. They both agreed that lights out would come early for them and changed into their night clothes which basically meant strip down to their underwear and climb under the covers.

Laying on his back Zayn pulled his comforter up to his chin, letting out a shaky breath he moved only his eyes to rest on his roommate.

“Hey Haz you sleep yet?”

“Naw mate, what’s up?”

“I’ve got a bedtime confession to make.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, I uh, I can’t swim.” Harry rolls onto his side so that he faced Zayn’s side of the room just barely making out Zayn’s outline shaking with muted laughter.  He really hoped the light from the window was enough for the darker boy to make out his glare because if that was Zayn’s idea of a joke he failed miserably. And really he thinks that Zayn’s lucky there’s so much space between their beds and that Harry is exhausted from paddling or else he’d be on the receiving end of his second smack that day, this one upside his head.

XXX

What Harry could never have predicted was the reason why Liam had suddenly taken a vow of silence; he hadn’t known the boy long enough. But Liam was wracked with guilt, he felt personally responsible for Zayn getting thrown and possibly drowning, he was Zayn’s raft buddy after all and while he was too busy steering he’d let his charge get thrown from the raft where he could’ve died.

He’d let Zayn down just like he’d let Andy down, only this time thanks to Louis Zayn was still with them, no thanks to Liam though.

That night two hours after lights out, long after Jack has begun to lightly snore. Liam slips from his bed and quietly creeps over to his roommate’s dresser in search of his toiletries kit. Without another thought to all the progress he would be undoing he digs about until he finds what he is looking for. He had to hand it to his roomie they’d been well hidden beneath his loofa and wrapped carefully in medical wrap from an old sprained thumb injury months earlier but Liam still finds them,  Jack’s razors.

Liam still wasn’t allowed any of his own despite all the progress he’s made in therapy someone still had to monitor him on the mornings he wanted to shave and the only reason his roommate was allowed to have them is because it was _Liam_ and Simon trusted his golden boy, hell _everyone_ trusted Liam, him not being allowed to have his own razors was merely a precaution and usually Jack’s things, his razors especially were safe from Liam.

He had no intentions of going down that road again, but tonight was a different story. Tonight he’d failed someone he loved once again and he needed to be punished so with the stolen razor in hand he goes to the showers and cuts, not deep enough to kill himself but just to numb the pain of being a failure as he was assaulted with memory after memory of that fateful night when he’d gotten drunk instead of taking care of his brother like he was supposed to.

He’d been thinking with his dick head instead of his actual head, had been too weak to resist Danielle. If he had been strong like his brother, Andy would still be alive, but he wasn’t and that’s why he needed to be punished and so he made a shallow cut for every memory that filled his mind, the sting from the cut only equaling a fraction of the pain in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your continued kind words of encouragement and for sticking with this story and actually liking it despite my beng a huge fucking tease with the shipping lol.
> 
> <3 Jen


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** I am not in any way an expert in mental disorders and my knowledge of them is extremely limited to what I’ve read on Google, so please take my writing with a grain of salt and remember that this is fiction first and foremost. I mean absolutely no harm or offense to anyone who has personal experience with mental disorders, I write as a hobby.

Harry wakes up just before his alarm goes off much like he does every morning which Zayn appreciates more than he can ever express to his roommate. He doesn’t know why exactly but for some reason things feel off today and he knows that’s a silly thought because how can a day seem ‘off’ when it’s just barely started? But it did. After taking care of his morning business he quickly dresses and heads down to the caf and there he finds further evidence that this day is going to suck or at least be _odd_ because for the first time since his first week of school neither Louis nor Liam are sitting at their table waiting for him.

Which was weird, Liam was the epitome of a morning person and got up extra early even before the sun has risen fully just so he could fit in a short jog before officially starting his day so either he’d taken a longer path this morning or maybe he was still exhausted from yesterday’s events which ok now that he thinks of it that would make a bit more sense, that his friends would sleep in late to replenish their energy and all that. So convinced that Louis and Liam’s absence from breakfast wasn’t in fact a big deal he approached the food line and grabs up a banana and a cinnamon bagel and even contemplated snatching one up for Niall as well but then thought better of it and after making himself a tea he trekked over to their table where he sat and ate all alone.

Eating breakfast alone wasn’t such a big deal to him, sure it was a little lonely but he’d eaten breakfast alone his entire life before coming here, if anything eating _with people_ was something he’d had to get used to, but back then he hadn’t truly known what he was missing, now though knowing what it was like to eat with friends—having to fight off Niall’s stealthy wandering hands because otherwise before you knew it the blonde will have emptied your plate before you’d gotten a chance to taste everything, learned to pretty much never take a drink when Louis opens his mouth because there is a 99.9% chance what he says will be funny and you will snort said beverage out of your nose and Liam, Liam is going to try and sneak healthier options onto your plate (most times to fill the spaces that Niall’s stolen food from)—he had to admit eating alone kind of sucked.

So obviously eating on his own had both its upsides and its downsides but the one thing Harry was finding he truly despised about eating alone was the quiet, because when it was quiet that left a lot of room for said silence to be filled with his thoughts which was almost never good, especially since lately most of those thoughts were toxic.

Thoughts of Niall and how he looked at Harry like some common day John when _he’d_ thought they were finally headed toward something meaningful, god he was such an idiot. His mind also wandered to Louis and how he was maybe the most fragile of them all even though he acted tough and like he couldn’t be bothered and then there was fucking Zayn and how much Harry had come to depend on him most of all and how he wished more than anything that Zayn and Louis would just talk their shit out once and for all instead of acting like pouting five year olds one minute and hot tempered divas the next, it was getting old and he really hated feeling torn between the two because they both meant so damn much to him and lastly Liam he still didn’t know what to make of Liam he was just too good to be human it seemed and sometimes it was a bit intimidating seeing someone who is supposed to be more or less in the same boat as he was but be so well adjusted and practically cured no matter what Louis says, Harry just doesn’t see it. Liam is just so normal is the thing, he doesn’t even seem to need this place anymore if anything he does more helping of others then needing help for himself.

Finishing off the last of his bagel Harry looked up to the clock on the wall and figured he’d might as well head over to home room seeing as it didn’t look like either Lou or Liam were going to come rushing in at the last minute so he gathered up his trash and dumped it in the rubbish bin. He had to pass the pastry cart on his way to the door and though he hated himself for even thinking of the Irish bastard he sighed and didn’t fight it when his hand darted out to snatch a muffin off the cart and slip it into the front pocket of his pullover hoodie. His only consolation was that it was a carrot muffin which Niall once mentioned hating, so there was at least that.

XXX

The first thing Harry noticed when he walked into class was Louis’ absence and that Niall was sitting with Zayn today so he shrugged and made his way over to where Aiden sat so he wouldn’t have to sit by himself in case Louis never showed, before he did though he called for Niall to ‘look sharp’ and threw the muffin at him, not even watching to see if the blonde had caught it or not and quite frankly not really caring.

Ms. Ferguson had just stepped out of the room as he was entering so he knew he wouldn’t be penalized for throwing food in class, but Niall caught it and grinned even if Harry couldn’t see it a bit confused at the sentiment, upon further inspection however he groaned realizing the muffin was carrot, he ate it anyway because it was _food_ , but since it was his least favorite flavor ever he didn’t bother to bat Zayn’s hand away when he stole a chunk and popped it into his mouth.

 Something else Harry noticed or _someone_ rather was the new kid who sat in the seat in front of Aiden he had short cropped blonde hair that sort of matched Niall’s minus the Irish boy’s dark roots and clear blue eyes that were almost magnified behind thick framed hipster glasses. Another thing Harry can’t help but notice is the way this mystery boy hasn’t taken his eyes off of him since he entered the room and to say it was a little unnerving would be an understatement.

Harry was still very much still honing his social skills so if this newbie thought he was going to welcome him to Mount Serenity or summat he had another thing coming, but to his shock once he sat in the seat Louis usually took up the slight blonde twisted around in his chair to face him, fixing Harry with a flirty smile.

“Well aren’t you a pretty little slice of delicious? When did you get here?” And ok, now Harry was definitely confused because this guy was speaking as if it were _Harry_ that was the new kid and not the other way around.

“Um, I’ve been enrolled for nearly a month now…” The blonde rolled his eyes and made a face as if to say ‘duh’.

“Oh right, it makes sense that I don’t know you then, they’ve had me hidden away in the infirmary for just about that long.”

“The infirmary?”  Harry blurted without thinking.

“Yeah it’s a few miles away but technically still part of the campus, where they send the kids who slip up or relapse really bad…it’s got all kind of neat things like straightjacket, padded rooms and buckles on the bed for the really naughty boys and girls.” Harry’s eyes popped wide open at that in disbelief.

“Wha—what? You’re lying.”

“Sadly I am not, I don’t think they actually use the jackets much but I’ve just spent a couple of weeks being strapped down to the bed so that I wouldn’t hurt myself again…I may have had a slip up with a box cutter and my left wrist wanna see?” The blonde moved to roll up his sleeve but Harry quickly shook his head because he really didn’t want to see that actually it had been hard enough looking at Liam’s and his had been healed for years…he didn’t know how he would react to someone with semi fresh wounds. The thin boy shrugged.

“Suit yourself; oh I’m Tyler by the way.”

“Or Glozell, Kingsley, Zoella, Marmarie Hart, or my personal favorite those Janoskian lads.” Aiden helpfully butted in; looking up for the first time from the doodle he was making of what looked like Matt and himself as anime characters and if Harry weren’t mistaken drawing! Aiden was definitely sucking drawing! Matt’s dick. With his cheeks noticeably pinker Harry turned back to address Tyler.

“Harry and who are _they_?” Tyler shot Aiden an exaggerated eye roll before smiling in Harry’s direction once more.

“Well, Harry. _They_ are me doll face…I’ve got MPD, or so they tell me.”

“MPD?” Harry felt like he was literally questioning everything Tyler said, but could you blame him when the guy talked about a mile a minute and switched topics like it was his day job.

“Multiple Personality Disorder, which means I’ve got company up here.” He said, tapping his temple twice then shrugged before continuing:

“My meds help me keep them at bay for the most part but every now and then they come out, mostly when I get emotional…like say I get excited about something Glozell just gotta come out and put her two cents in or if someone pisses me off then Kingsley will come out to defend me by tearing them a new one, Zoe is the little peace keeper of all of us, while Mams is my inner party girl and don’t even get me started on the Janoskians, those little shits love nothing more than causing chaos.”

“Janoskians?”

“Beau, Luke, Daniel, Jai and James they like to pull pranks of the rude, lewd and crude variety, I’d resent them more if they didn’t help keep things interesting, but enough about me baby cakes tell mama all about how a stunner like you landed in an awful place like this.” Tyler literally sat turned completely around his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands giving Harry his full attention.

And he stayed that way for much of Algebra despite Ms. Ferguson constantly telling him to turn back around, Tyler made Harry feel like he was the most interesting and intriguing person on the plant and he never seemed to run out of questions to ask. He was also one of the handsiest people Harry has ever met, every chance he got he seemed to rest his hand on Harry’s knee or pat his wrist or hand and it didn’t even seem like he realized he was doing it. Harry couldn’t say he minded exactly because Tyler wasn’t being creepy about it, it was just a natural reaction for the blonde and for whatever reason Harry felt very comfortable in his presence.

By the time lunch rolled around Harry had had the pleasure of meeting six of Tyler’s ten personalities including two of the Janosquids—or whatever the hell their name was (Tyler had gone over what each of the letters stood for Just Another  Name Of something there were just too many of them to remember) and although Tyler’s random touches were innocent the flirty innuendoes that he doled out freely were anything _but_ and from the outsider it probably looked as though the two of them were exchanging flirtatious banter back and forth .

Harry was again surprised to find that he didn’t mind that thought all that much. Especially when during Geography Harry thought he caught Niall fidgeting uncomfortably in is seat, shooting irritated looks their way every now and then from his peripheral. _Good_ he couldn’t help but think; because it was about time he gave Niall a taste of his own medicine.

Niall had kept his distance during all of gym though Harry wasn’t entirely sure that was to do with his sudden jealous streak or because things between the blonde and him were still unresolved.  When by lunch time Niall still refused to even meet Harry’s eyes the taller lad knew something had to be up and it most likely had more to do with Tyler’s interest in Harry than anything else because if history told him anything it was that Niall preferred to avoid confrontation and if he still had a problem with Harry specifically he sure as hell would’ve said with Zayn and not in his usual spot directly across from Harry, which just so happened to give him a perfect view of Tyler who sat chatting away with the Harries twins and the other occupants of their table.

Liam, who had showed up to Geography and all his other classes Harry assumed sat in his usual spot as well though again he was being abnormally quiet only answering with nods, head shakes and the occasional shrug, which Harry found very odd but didn’t want to press him about because they were still getting to know each other and he didn’t want to risk crossing any of the older boy’s boundaries. If anything Liam could still be feeling the effects of their canoeing excursion.

One thing that was more than apparent was the lack of Louis—his absence was more than felt, it was the quietest meal Harry had spent (barring that morning) since coming to MS and he didn’t like it one bit.

XXX

Harry and Aiden meet at Harry’s locker and walk over to English together, Harry rolling his eyes in amusement at the noticeable bounce in Aiden’s step; the poor guy had it bad.  Both of them make a surprised noise when they enter the classroom to see Louis sat on Matt’s desk, his legs swinging as he says something no doubt inappropriate that causes Mr. Cardle’s cheeks to flame up as he reluctantly laughs. Louis’ eyes brighten at the sight of his mates, though his face looks more than a little run down from where Harry stood in the doorway.

“Well well well if it isn’t my two growly mates, feel like it’s been ages since I’ve seen you last, come ‘ere and give us some love.” He punctuated this by holding his arms up wide enough for the two of them to fit in.

“Growly mates how does that even remotely make sense?”Aiden had asked hanging back a bit while Harry barely waited a blink to fill the space of Lou’s arms.

“Because you two have those kinds of voices, you know the sexy growly kind that sends chills down to naughty places…”

“Oh god why am I not surprised to be sorry that I asked?” Louis only shrugged and made a displeased noise, most likely pouting from over Harry’s shoulder at the fact that Aiden was still so far away when he’d _clearly_ asked to be given love. So with a dramatic sigh Aiden moved to squeeze in beside Harry, dragging his feet as he did.

“It’s only been like four periods how could you let yourselves fall apart without me in such a short time?” Harry could practically feel Aiden roll his eyes beside him; he however chose to humor Louis at least a little bit.

“Five if you count lunch and it was agonizingly dull without you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise, it was dreadful.” Louis’ pleased look at this new information should be off putting but instead Harry just felt accomplished at being the one to put that look on the older boy’s face.

“Suppose it was mighty big of me to grace you all with my presence then huh, put you sorry sods out of your misery?”

“Sure, speaking of, where were you?”

“Oh well shit did you have to be such a Debby downer Haz?” Finally wriggling out of Louis’ arms and thus freeing Aiden as well the three boys made their way to their seats as the rest of the class slowly trickled in.

“Yes, you can’t just miss half the school day and turn up looking like _that_ and expect me not to ask.”

“Looking like what? A million bucks as usual?” He asked, sounding half aghast and half threatening, but Harry surprisingly enough wasn’t affected by those burning blue orbs in the least.

“Not quite babe you look like you went a couple rounds with an energetic toddler and the toddler one.”

“Wow thanks mate.”

“Seriously Lou, what’s up?”

“Truth?” Louis sighed out.

“No lie to me, of course the truth.” He sighed again, deeper this time.

“Alright, alright no need to be a wisearse about it. I don’t know how much you know about eating disorders but they can be energy draining and these last few weeks I’ve been pushing myself well past my limit to hell the consequences, I mean I knew I would eventually end up here because I’m no newbie to the show you know? But I did it anyway, perhaps I did it to prove something to uh someone or just myself and maybe even to impress you a bit, dumb I know.”

Harry thought about prodding him further about this ‘someone’ he was trying to prove something to but then he realized Louis wasn’t finished and snapped his mouth shut again.

“But yeah so the last couple of days I’ve literally not had enough energy to get out of bed, they’ve been bringing me my meals to my room and this morning I just couldn’t do it, felt like I was going to pass out just by standing to go to the loo. I’m still not at 100% as you’ve evidently picked up on, but I was going bloody mad in my room, with all the good sites being blocked the internet was a big useless mess and I am completely convinced that the dorms are haunted by the crazy ghosts of students past and with everyone out of the building the ghosts had their way of the rooms and yeah creeped me the fuck out it did so I practically crawled my way here.”

“Jesus, I had no idea though I mean I guess it should’ve been obvious what with the malnutrition, that you’d be weak and a bit out of it.”

“Yeah but I’m a right stubborn git when I want to be, I know my limits by now and I just didn’t care is the thing so I…”

“Tommo, you’re alive!!!” Niall shouted his arrival, cutting off whatever else Louis was going to say.

“Niall my love, oh how I’ve missed you!” Louis practically beamed at the other boy his smile melting immediately into a scowl as Zayn entered the room just behind Niall, their eyes meeting over the Irish boy’s head.

The rest of class pretty much continued as such with Louis and Niall mostly communicating through shouts across the room and creative name calling. Bio wasn’t much different and before he knew it, Harry was heading to his last class of the day…Spanish.

XXX

Being excused to the bathroom isn’t something Harry does often but about midway through the class when that second cup of Sprite he’d had at lunch decided to rear its evil head and he began to squirm uncomfortably in his seat, he tried to wait it out, so as not to disturb Senorita Minogue’s lesson but he just didn’t feel like he would make it that long and it wasn’t like he was actually learning anything new, so he could afford to step out the room for a few minutes.

So as inconspicuous as possible he slid from underneath his desk and crept to the door, sparing a single look over his shoulder only to find that his teacher wasn’t even paying him any mind.

He made it to the bathroom in no time and took care of business just as quickly. Once done he opened the stall door ready to head to the sinks when without warning he was shoved back into the stall, with wide eyes he gasped in surprise as Niall crowded him into the tiny stall after him, closing and locking the door behind them. He opened his mouth to ask the blonde what the fuck he thought he was doing only for his words to be cut off by lips being harshly pressed into his own.

He knew he should probably push Niall away because he still wasn’t quite over what he’d said before _I don’t do that—that’s not included._ Was that really how Niall saw him? Did he really think so little of him? But in the same breath he couldn’t deny how utterly perfect Niall’s mouth felt pressed against his own, and so instead he tilted his head slightly and bravely peeked his tongue out to trace the seam of the blonde’s lips. Niall’s mouth opened ever so slightly and Harry wasted no time in slipping his tongue in tentatively grazing Niall’s own and causing most delicious of noises to fall from Niall’s mouth somewhere between a moan and a whimper but to Harry it just sounded _perfect_.

At once Niall brought a hand up to cup the back of Harry’s skull using a fistful of curls to tug Harry in closer. They kissed until Harry felt a bit light headed and reluctantly pulled apart, moaning when Niall not even hesitating latched himself onto Harry’s neck pressing his lips up against his racing pulse point and muttering into flushed skin:

“Fucking Oakley, don’t like how he was looking at you.”

“Do you mean Tyler?” Harry panted, tilting his head to give Niall more access to his neck.

“Shouldn’t encourage him, by flirting back because fuck, it’s not like you actually…” Niall trailed off with an amused snort.

“Don’t I?” The taller boy teased, causing the blonde to growl and take a good chuck of skin between his teeth, nibbling sharp enough to sting, though not entirely unpleasantly.

“Tell me…tell me you don’t want him.” Niall murmured into Harry’s neck. Harry was shocked by the jealousy he heard in Niall’s voice, saw on his face, but he he couldn’t deny liking it.

“Hmm, I don’t know mate, wouldn’t want to lie to you.” And just as suddenly as Niall had began, he back off of Harry, fixing the brunette with a glare.

“Seriously, you’re really into that nutcase queen?” Harry shrugged, not yet done messing with the other boy—it was the least he could do considering all the shit there was between them.

“I didn’t say that either but…” Niall’s eyes looked as if they’d literally caught on fire, resembling two blue embers dancing with pent up rage as he nodded shortly as if to himself more than for Harry’s benefit and spat:

“Get on yer knees.” It was said in such a low dangerous tone that at first Harry didn’t believe he’d heard correctly.

“Excuse me?”

“Get the fuck on your knees Haz, yer gonna suck me off, show me who you really want yeah?” Harry gulped loudly, not only out of arousal because Niall has never talked to him like that before but also out of nerves because he’s never given someone a blowjob.

Despite his reservations he found himself sinking to his knees, once down there however his nerves started to kick in and he stared up at Niall, eyes flicking from his angry blues to the firm set if his shoulders, it took another faint nod for him to be spurred into motion and brought shaky hands up to grip the fly of the blonde’s jeans.

“Tell me you want me.” Niall hissed through gritted teeth causing Harry to glance up from his fumbling fingers. Without responding he finished opening Niall’s jeans and after taking a final breath reached in and pulled out his semi-erection, already hardening further in his grip.

Harry let out the breath he’d unconsciously been holding when he finally laid eyes on Niall’s erect dick, relieved to find that the first cock he was going to have in his mouth wasn’t some huge intimidating dick that he was used to seeing in pornos. In fact Niall didn’t look much different from his own; he wasn’t as long as Harry but with a much thicker shaft.

In that moment Harry wanted to look up so bad, wanted for Niall to give him something, some kind of encouragement, some kind of guidance but he also really didn’t want to let on that this was his first time, though he was almost positive Niall would be able to tell straight away once he got started—if he ever fucking got started, because at this point it was safe to say he was freaking out a bit.

Taking a final deep breath he chanted to himself _go big or go home_ like a inner mantra and gave Niall’s dick a couple of strokes to ‘rev his engine’ Niall’s hips thrust out following the motion, causing the corners of Harry’s mouth to turn up just the tiniest bit encouraged. He closed his eyes and leant forward, taking Niall into his mouth. He felt more than heard Niall’s own breath hitch as Harry’s wet heat sank down, surrounding him as far as he could go, working his throat to get used to the feel, he slowly started sucking Niall off.

He was almost positive that this had to be the wettest, messiest blowjob Niall has ever received in his life and if there was any doubt that Harry had never done this before the sheer amount of dribble running down his chin was a dead giveaway but the noises Niall was making coupled with the whispered curses that spilled from the Irishman’s mouth helped Harry continue with a little more enthusiasm, trying to remember what he liked about when Niall was blowing him and worked himself back up to the tip where he chanced a look up at Niall’s face through his lashes as he circled the crown with the tip of his tongue.

“Oh god…tell me whose dick you love.” Niall grunt-whimpered, but again it went unanswered as Harry licked down the shaft, tracing the thick veins there, his eyes still trained on the blonde.

“Tell me who you want.”  Harry hummed in acknowledgement of the question but otherwise remained silent.

“ _Tell_ me.” The Irish boy grunted again, bringing a hand up to the back of Harry’s head to tug at the curls he found there and effectively pulling the other boy off of his dick. Harry had no choice but to comply.

“You.” He finally whispered through swollen lips, now glistening with his own spit and a bit of precum. Niall closed his eyes and tilted his head back with a grin.

“Yeah, fuck yeah ya do.” Harry hummed again, nearly choking as Niall began thrusting ever so slightly, his breathing growing heavier as he neared release.

“Shit Haz, that’s it babe gonna cum down that pretty little throat of yours and then head back to class where you’ll have to sit with your mouth still plump and used and the taste of me on your tongue but only I’ll know why and it might even make me hard again, knowing I did that and then I’ll be sitting there hard while Ms. Minogue drones on about the conjugations of Ser.”

Harry whimpered involuntarily, feeling the crotch of his skinny jeans tighten.

“Ya ready for me H, gonna take all I got to give?” He nodded as best he could, his head bobbing now as fast as his mouth would allow. He still wasn’t prepared for when Niall came without further warning, and gagged a little on the bitterness as he tried his best to swallow, but a good amount still ended up dripping down his chin.

Panting Niall pushed at Harry’s shoulders, his now soft dick falling from the taller boy’s lips as he all but collapsed back onto the toilet seat, lazily tucking himself back into his jeans as he tried to catch his breath. With his attention on refastening his pants he completely missed the look of confusion that clouded Harry’s face.

Once done he surprised Harry by grinning down at him and reaching out to run the pad of his left thumb up Harry’s chin, collecting some of his own jizz in the process and brought his thumb to his own lips, making sure their eyes met before sucking his thumb into his mouth. A desperate noise tore itself from Harry’s throat as he watched Niall close his eyes as he tasted himself because it was nearly the hottest thing he’s ever seen.

Smirking, Niall stood and tried to smooth out some of the wrinkles in his shirt before motioning for Harry to stand as well.

“Come on Hazza; think we’d better get back to class before the Senorita sends someone out after us yeah? She thinks I’m in here blowing chunks, but what’s your excuse?”

“Uh, I was just taking a leak.” Niall’s laugh echoed off the tiled walls of the boy’s bathroom as he slipped passed Harry to exit the stall.

“Yeah well I suggest you book it back ta class, I’ll wait five minutes before following.”

“Alright? I don’t really…” Harry babbled, rubbing at his chin to make sure he go all of Niall’s cum off it.

“Jesus, Harry you just sucked me off during school hours, not performed brain surgery snap the fuck out of it and go already!”

“Ok, I’mma just…yeah I’mma go then.” Niall rolled his eyes.

“You do that.” Harry nodded, hesitating a beat longer before dashing out of the bathroom.

XXX

Thankfully Senorita Minogue didn’t even seem to notice he was gone for as long as he’d been _so much for 24 hour surveillance here at_ _MS_ Harry thought as Niall crept into his seat exactly five minutes later. There was still a good fifteen minutes left of class not that Harry was paying attention at all, too busy thinking back to their time in the bathroom and all that went down, namely how he’d let Niall coerce him into having sex yet again, despite how pissed off he still was at the blonde, why couldn’t he just fucking resist him?

Why was it ok for Niall to suck him off or vice versa but they couldn’t ever truly talk anything out before it all was happening all over again. He blamed Niall’s lips entirely, at least this time, the fact that Niall had actually initiated the kiss and hadn’t resisted when Harry deepened it which was something he’d honestly given up on ever happening after the last kiss they’d shared. This only helped in confusing Harry more because he didn’t know what this meant for them, did this change things or would they just stay the way they were but with the occasional snog?

The bell sounded ending the final period of the day and Harry who was already packed and ready to go followed Niall to the door but to his shock Niall practically fled the class, without even acknowledging Harry’s presence. Harry in turn blinked shocked eyes and a frustrated noise slipping from his lips when he realized that Niall had resorted to his default M.O. which was to run instead of facing the music and Harry was getting mighty tired of his shit.

XXX

Zayn had been on his way to the dorms after classes let out, when a traumatized looking Niall brushed passed him without so much as a ‘sorry’ headed into the main building no doubt for his weekly counseling session with Cher. Zayn watched him go slightly concerned and made a mental note to corner his blonde friend later on to see what was up. Taking a step in the direction of the dorms he froze yet again as he spied Louis and Max sneaking off into the woods and frowned.

Before he knew what he was doing Zayn turned toward the woods instead and started after them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter seemed rushed, it's bc it sort of was at least a little. I rarely get to come online anymore bc of RL things BUT I can OFFICIALLY PROMISE that chapter 20 will begin with Zouis, so those who have been waiting for it, thank you for your patience.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger warning for cutting****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay but this chapter was a bitch to write bc of the Zouis, like i'm really nervous about disappointing with that and um there's a Niall therapy sesh that didn't go at all the way I wanted but here it is anyway, thank you for reading!!!
> 
> P.S thank you so much to Ari (arikrll) for your support and hand holding and glorious ideas and just for not letting me give up during those times I reallyreallyreally wanted to <3 you

Zayn walked with his usual  _don’t fuck with me_  swagger as he approached the woods, slowing down slightly to muffle his footsteps, he drew closer to the pair.

 

“This what you want?” He heard Max murmur under his breath, whatever Louis said in response was much too low to carry to Zayn who was still a bit away, trying to avoid stepping on any twigs—lest they should hear him.

 

“Then you know what to do.” Max finished cryptically.

 

The Bradford boy ducked behind a tree peering through the leaves of a low branch to find Louis on his knees with Max fucking George’s dick between his lips as the older boy held a pack of laxatives just above Louis’ head, taunting him like one would do a horse with a carrot on a string. Zayn has to bite his tongue not to make a noise of outrage, because sure he couldn’t stand the insufferable twat but even this was beneath _him_ , getting on his knees for laxatives, sucking off Max George of all people!

 

“Is this what ya need Lou?” Max teased further, shaking the foiled package that held maybe a dozen chocolate squares, making them rattle. Zayn clenched his fists tight, not liking hearing Louis’ name on that bastard’s lips.

 

“Is this worth sucking me off for?” Louis finally looked up, bright blue eyes wide as he nodded his head, humming a ‘yes’ before bringing a hand up to wipe the drool that had escaped his mouth to dribble down his chin.

 

“Well you’re definitely worth the trouble it took to get these shits, I’ll tell you that…Jesus that mouth of yers was made ta be stuffed with cock I swear.”

 

Not much longer after this confession Max came with a grunt, which was a good thing because Zayn didn’t think he could hold himself back from wringing that dirty ponce’s neck, without giving any warning to Louis he shot his load into the smaller boy’s mouth, making him gag on the retched taste and promptly spit into the grass, throwing a steely glare that Max had the nerve to chuckle at.

 

“Until next time then yeah?”  He sneered, tossing the laxatives down at Louis with another mocking laugh as he leaves, doing up his fly along the way.

 

Zayn thought about going after him, maybe wipe that smug smile off his fugly mug but then he sees Louis still knelt there on the ground, head hung in shame, his shoulders shaking slightly like he’s crying and that’s all Zayn can take, so without thinking he abandons his hiding spot, sneaking up on Louis.

He’s maybe a foot away when he realizes Louis isn’t in fact crying but laughing, these almost manic chuckles and his breathing heavy, ragged breaths that shake his entire body with the force of each shuddery exhale.

 

As it was Louis was only slightly embarrassed about what he’d just done, has been doing for several weeks now after all he  _enjoyed_ sucking dick the laxatives were just a bit of a bonus, no the real issue at hand was  _whose_  dick he had to suck to obtain them.

 

Shivering at the thought he moved to stand and shove his new reward down his pants until he could find a proper hiding spot in his room when he looked up and into a familiar pair of melted caramel eyes. Louis’ mouth fell open in a silent ‘o’ in surprise as he takes Zayn in, stepping out from where he’s been crouched, spying. He looks as though he’s going to speak, probably say something about Zayn being a right creeper when to his dismay before he could utter a single word the darker boy’s hand darted out to snatch the pack of laxatives from him.

 

“Hey, what the fuck Malik! Give ‘em back.” To Louis’ horror instead of doing as told Zayn threw the pack violently to the ground, and brought a booted foot up to smash them into itty bitty pieces.

 

“Nooo!” Louis’ cry is so full of anguish Zayn has a moment of regret because he didn’t actually want to  _hurt_  Louis he was trying to  _help_  him. The smaller boy dropped back down to his knees and to Zayn’s shock he watched as Louis licked his palm to wet it and proceeded to gather up as many bits of the chocolate that would stick to his saliva ridden hand, paying the dirt and bits of grass that came up along with it no mind.

 

“Go on then Malik, have your laugh at the pathetic anorexic freak.” Louis hissed up at him with eyes sharp enough to cut. Zayn just shook his head.

 

“Tomlin— _Louis_  get up.” When Louis ignored him, continuing to try and salvage what he could of the Ex Lax, the darker boy finally growled and shoved Louis onto his back and away from the mess.

 

“What the fuck is your problem Malik?” Louis snarled, baring his teeth.

 

“I said back off! Louis don't you see what that shit is doing to you? You've literally been out of it for the past two days having meals brought to your room because you're too exhausted to leave your bed and you missed almost an entire day of classes today…” With his body literally vibrating with anger Louis simply tilted his chin up in defiance.

 

"Yeah well I would've been fine just rafting, I mean sure my arms would still ache like a bitch but it was rescuing  _your arse_  that really knocked the wind out of me, swimming in that cold as fuck water is what nearly killed me. So I reckon it's _your_ fault I’ve been practically bed ridden."

 

"Do I have to remind you again that it was  _you_ who goaded me into going rafting in the first place?" Louis threw his arms up in outrage.

 

"Because I didn't fucking _know_  you couldn't swim I honestly thought you were just being a diva about things, not wanting to wet your precious quiff or summat, but what does any of that have to do with this, right here right now? None of this concerns you Malik; it isn’t any of your business so butt the fuck out yeah?"

 

“Fuck you; I’m trying to—god.” Zayn ran a hand through his hair, mussing it up which was very uncharacteristic of him as he began to pace. Louis trailed him with his eyes.

 

“The fuck man? Why do you even  _care_?” He growled, there were unshed tears of desperation in his eyes that just about broke Zayn. All at once he froze, pivoting on one foot and stomping over to straddle the slighter boy’s thighs.

 

Louis gasped as he met Zayn’s angry eyes and noted that this close up he could count each fleck of gold in them. Zayn took hold of the wrist of Louis’ right hand that held a sizable pile of chocolate bits now beginning to melt in Louis’ clenched fist at the same time that he began leaning in toward Louis’ mouth.

 

“ _Don’t_.” Louis breathed out suddenly, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. Zayn drew back with the impact of that single word.

 

“Don’t what, kiss you or?” Zayn asked, giving Louis’ wrist a questioning squeeze. Louis gnawed at his lip even harder, his breaths coming out fast and labored. Zayn’s eyes darted from Louis’ own down to his mouth and up again before finally taking Louis’ silence as answer, he sighed letting his grip on the other boy’s wrist go.

 

 He was about move off of Louis when he suddenly surged forward without warning to kiss Zayn hard and with an urgency he didn’t even know he possessed. Zayn made a noise in the back of his throat and settled back down, bringing a hand up to the back of Louis’s head while his other rested on his tiny waist. Louis whimpered in need and drew deeper bringing both hands up to fist the front of Zayn’s t-shirt, leaving brown smudges along the once pristine white cotton.

 

“Zayn.” He breathed into the darker boy’s mouth and it’s the first time Louis’ ever called him by his first name and it effectively sends chills down his spine. Louis finally pulled their lips apart in order to breathe, leaning their foreheads together, panting.

 

“You still taste like George.” Zayn mumbled suddenly breaking the silence, nose scrunched up, and earning him a playful slap on the chest Zayn smiled back and cradled Louis’ hand with his and used it to pull Louis in closer to him, connecting their lips once more.

 

Things were just getting good when the reality of what was happening finally caught up to Louis who seems to come back to himself, his face squishes up in disgust and he roughly pushes Zayn away, going so far as to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth.

 

"Oh fuck me, that didn’t just happen, this isn't happening I did  _not_  just have Malik's tongue down my throat please no!" Zayn blinks hurt eyes that suddenly freeze over and he’s spitting back:

 

"Yeah like I  _chose_ this, I’d rather kiss Justin's pimply arse than kiss you!"

 

"Well, it was you who snogged  _me_ , worse of all you can't kiss for shit." Zayn’s frown deepens.

 

"The hell I can't!" He roared in outrage, moving to kiss Louis again, harder this time. Louis smirked into the kiss before wrenching his head back and away once more.

 

"Ok this is bloody torture, I’ll have to ask you to kindly refrain from kissing m—" Louis teased but again Zayn cut him off with an even longer kiss that eventually had Louis making the most embarrassing sounds, gripping at the front of Zayn t-shirt to keep him close until finally he somehow he managed to scrounge up enough strength to shove Zayn away a third time.

 

"Seriously Zayn, stop I—" Louis started to spit yet another snarky insult when he zeroed in on Zayn's lips, plumper then usual and a tad swollen from kissing and suddenly a growl fought its way from his throat and he nearly leapt across the space between them to latch himself to the darker boy's mouth, making these desperate sounds as he deepens the kiss and growls when Zayn bites his lip, grinding down into Louis’ lap.

 

The older boy gasped at the sudden pressure unable to stop himself from thrusting up, nudging at Zayn’s arse with an erection he hadn’t even realized he had. Encouraged, the darker boy began to rock against the bulge in Louis’ jeans, moaning into the other boy’s mouth each time his own erection brushed Louis’ stomach.

 

“Fuck! Zayn just…I need.” Louis panted into Zayn’s mouth, sucking on the tongue that darted in between words.

 

“What do you need babe?” Zayn murmured back, causing Louis’ face to scrunch up in frustration and he pulled his face away to glare at the other boy, but just then Zayn rolled his hips in a delightfully sinful way that practically made Louis’ toes curl.

 

“Oh fuck you, you fucking.” Moan. “Know.”

 

“Yeah?” The darker boy asked; a smirk teasing the corner’s of his mouth as he watched Louis struggle not to react to his movements and fail.

 

“Mm, yeah… _please_.” Louis whined, bringing his hands up to cup Zayn’s tiny arse, trying to get him to rock faster. Zayn happily obliged.

 

“Oh god, do that again?”

 

“Huh?” The smaller boy asked, peeking one eye open to glare again when Zayn’s hips stuttered to a standstill in shock.

 

“Say.” Gasp. “Say please like that again.” He gasped out, a slight plea to his voice.

 

“Please, Zayn I need to cum, _I need it.”_ Zayn bit his lip, closing his own eyes for the first time and resumed rocking in Louis’ lap, moving double time in his desperation to make Louis fall apart under him.

 

“Yeah babe, I got you, I…” Zayn never got the chance to finish his thought as Louis’ finger tips dug painfully into his sides, his head thrown back as he moaned long and maybe a little too loudly for a secret rendezvous in the woods (not that Zayn was complaining) and came. Zayn’s eyes shot open instantly to catch the way Louis’ features contorted involuntarily in pleasure, biting his own lip at the sight he ground down hard one last time and felt his own orgasm bubble up in his belly, pitching forward he buried his head into the other boy’s shoulder and came.

 

“Shit, shit I’m...” He panted into the denim of Louis’ jacket, taking a few moments to recover before he sat up straight again, to find Louis’ eyes open and already on him.

 

With their chests still heaving, their eyes meet and it’s as if nothing has changed at all, Zayn watched as Louis’ eyes freeze over once more at once glaring and shoving him off of him. Zayn lie on his back in the dirt, watching with confusion as the slighter boy rearranged his clothes and stood.

 

“This doesn’t change shit.” He spat before fleeing for the dorms with an angry swish of his hips.

 

Zayn laid there in shock, going so far as to lean back on his elbows for support at the sudden whiplash from Louis’ complete180, he’d thought they were getting somewhere but maybe he should’ve known better Tomlinson was a fucking Ice queen after all, it could never work between them. 

Just as he thought this something began to tighten in his chest and he realized that for someone so fucking sure they weren’t meant to be together why then did Louis’ rejection hurt so damn much?

 

“Fuck.”

XXX

 

Harry went straight to his room after the final bell, surprised by the lack of Zayn in their room but figured he’d snuck off to the woods with Perrie or something and took advantage of the empty room to check his email. He’s not disappointed when he finds something from Caroline in his inbox.

 

He is however surprised by the lack of excitement he feels at the sight of it, rewind two weeks and he would’ve been nearly bouncing in his seat, eager to read something  _anything_  from her, to have some kind of sign that she still loved him was still waiting for him but now he was just sort of bitter about the whole thing, what Zayn said to him never quite leaving his mind.  _Was_  she just using him to stave off the loneliness of having married an emotionally stunted workaholic? 

Maybe at the beginning, they both had but he’d thought it’d grown to be so much more between them, thought it was actually love but then she went and denied them to his father, watched as he was packed up and carted away to MS, abandoned here without a single protest, she claimed she’d done it for them but could she have really done it to keep her own arse out of jail?

And then there was whatever it was that was starting between him and Niall. The confusing frustrating, beauty that drove Harry insane in the most amazing ways possible, he knew he was wearing down Niall’s resistance inch by inch and though it wasn’t easy, he had a feeling that it just might be worth it and he quite frankly didn’t feel right juggling the two, so with all the strength he could muster Harry deleted the email without even opening it.

 

Sitting back from his desk he stretched his arms over his head mentally patting himself on the shoulder, he glanced over at Zayn’s alarm clock and saw there was still about an hour before the dining hall opened for dinner but not wanting to be cooped up in the room he sent a mass facebook message to the boys telling them to meet him in the rec room for a foosball tournament, slipped his trainers back on and was out the door.

 

None of his friends are there when he gets to the rec room but Justin, Ed and Conor are the former on either side of the foosball table while Conor sat on a couch nearby reading a hip hop magazine. He looks up as Harry approaches, giving him the nod.

“Sup H?” At this Ed and Justin both look up to greet him as well.

“Have ya’ll been playing long, I was sort of hoping to get a game in with the boys before dinner.”

“The boys?” Ed asked, only half paying attention as he sent the ball careening into Justin’s goal much to the younger boy’s chagrin.

“Ya know Louis, Niall, _and Liam_.” Harry smiled to himself at the way Ed momentarily lit up at the sound of Liam’s name before his usual indifferent expression slid back into place.

“Oh, well we sort of just started maybe we can play two on two? But that means two of you guys will have to sit out.”

“I guess that could work, I’ll run it by them when they get here.” Ed nodded.

“You can play on my side while you wait Haz.” He offered, pointing his elbow at the handles of his empty players. Harry grinned and did as such.

They play, Harry and Ed against Justin for a few minutes until Justin began to whine about it not being fair two on one and asked if Harry was sure the others were going to turn up. Harry had to shake his head. Because no he wasn’t _sure_ any of them would show.

“Conor, get yer arse up you’re playing on my team.” Justin said, his tone leaving no room for argument. Conor scoffed all the same.

“No, I think I’m good you know I’m right rubbish at sports.” At this Justin rolled his eyes.

“This is table footie Conor we’re not playing for the bloody World Cup now get over ‘ere!” Conor grumbled to himself but moved to save his place in the magazine before dragging his feet over to join them.

Harry and Ed end up spanking the other boys before Nick sticks his head through the door to remind them dinner’s being served.

XXX

His head was still reeling from what just went down with Louis, his nerves jumping all over the place as if electrically charged, he needed to de-stress and he needed to do it quick. In the past he’d just take his trusty Zippo lighter that used to belong his grandfather down to the river or behind his family’s garage and light something up, watch as whatever unfortunate object he decided to burn that day—usually twigs or leaves caught aflame, burning to mere soot in his hands. 

 

The fire licking at his fingertips, stinging and charring his skin until he couldn’t take it any longer and had to drop whatever it was to the ground and stomping it out. If he had it his way he’d just leave it to spread until the entire area was glowing red, orange and yellow but he knew he’d get in serious trouble if he did and that his parents would know it were him right away—they always had.

 

The thing is, fire didn’t hurt him like it did most people or well it did, but he _liked_ it unlike normal people he liked the heat and itch, liked the crack and peel and pain that coming into contact with it gave him, he found an odd comfort in it, because fire didn’t belong and it wasn’t wanted in most situations, only wanted when convenient like to cook or keep warm.

 

He could relate to fire in that respect.

 

But he couldn’t do that now, could he? So settled for the next best thing and made his way to Jack and Liam’s room to bum a smoke. After a quick knock with his knuckles Zayn twisted the door open and entered, his jaw just about hit the floor as he took in the sight of George Shelley scrambling off Jack’s bed tugging up his trousers in the process. While Jack grinned, and made a show of slowly wiping his shiny red lips.

 

“Malik to what do I owe the pleasure?” He asked pleasantly as if there wasn’t a red faced teen struggling to button up his jeans because his hands were shaking so badly.

 

“Uh, was looking for a cigarette but I can go if you’re busy…” George made a squeaky noise and gave up on his jeans, and avoided Zayn’s eyes while rushing passed him out of the room without a word.

 

“Doesn’t look like I’m all that busy anymore does it?” Jack sighed forlornly, and then grinned once more. Licking his lips as his eyes trailed up and down Zayn’s body. Taking in the dirt stains on the darker boy’s khakis and the curious brown smudges on his t-shirt and nodded to himself.

 

"Well since you scared off my lay how about you get over here and replace him?" Zayn shrugged having expected as much and finally closed the door behind him, locking it for good measure before making his way over to the bed where he took up George’s earlier spot.

 

"Yeah alright but I want _two_ fags out of it on account of mental scarring...I really didn't need to see Shelley's wang in this lifetime or any ta much." Jack threw his head back letting out a bark of laughter before nodding agreeably and reaching for Zayn’s fly.

 

After working it open he pulls Zayn out happily and proceeds to try and coax him into hardness but something is off this time, he can't seem to get it up no matter what mental image he uses.  Instead all he can see is the soft vulnerable way Louis looked before they kissed the very first time before it quickly turned back to his usual loathing.

 

“What can I do, is there a certain trick I can…” Jack asked, looking up from his knees with wide eyes.

 

“Naw… _fuck_.” Zayn brought his hands up to cover his face, embarrassed and used them to roughly rub over his face and groaned. “This has never happened to me before, but I don’t think I can.”  He confessed through his fingers, Jack stood up then, placing his hands on his hips and frowned.

 

“Seriously?”  He asked, stomping his foot petulantly.

 

“Yeah look I’m sorry but…you think I could still..?” The Chiswick boy raised an incredulous eyebrow but finally sighed and shrugged.

 

“Sure, for a handjob.” Zayn groaned again, louder but nodded and stared at a spot on the wall just over Jack’s shoulder as he jerked the shorter boy to release.  Afterward as Zayn is wiping his hand off on a dirty shirt off the floor that he hopes isn’t Liam’s Jack chuckles to himself as he’s zipping up.

 

“Huh, that wasn’t half bad…always liked the look of yer hands Malik nice to know they’re good for something. Just let me gather my smokes and we’ll be on our way then.” Zayn nodded, but said nothing.

 

XXX

The boys were already at the table and eating when Harry walked in all except Louis that is. Niall and Zayn sat beside one another on one side while Liam sat across from them per usual so Harry took up the seat beside him, sliding his tray of food down onto the table.

 

“So nice of you all to ditch me earlier.”

“Huh?”

 

“I sent out a message about playing foosball in the red room before dinner.” Zayn shrugged.

 

“I haven’t been to the room today.”

 

“I know that where were you anyway?” Zayn leaned back in his seat, bringing his hands back behind his head and grinned.

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Harry and Niall both rolled their eyes before the blonde spoke.

 

“I was with Cher wasn’t I?” and oh right Harry knew that.

 

“Oh right, what about you Liam?” Liam lifted his shoulders slowly for a shrug; he sat hunched so far over his chili his nose was practically _in_ it.

 

“Library.” He said simply and went back to eating. And well that explained that didn’t it? Giving up Harry settled in to enjoy his own chili, his eyes sliding over to the seat Louis usually occupied.

 

“So I reckon ya don’t know where Tommo is then?”

 

“Nope.” Niall answered and if Harry wasn’t mistaken the blonde was being awfully short with him, seeming a little distracted now that he really looked at him. Harry opened his mouth to ask him about his meeting with Cher when Zayn beat him to it.

 

“You’ll never guess who I walked in on hooking up with Jack today.”

 

“Harries?” Harry clarified because even though he hadn’t met any other Jack’s at this school he was under no illusions that there weren’t any others enrolled there Jack was a pretty common name after all.

 

“Yeah, Harries.” Zayn confirmed and nothing else.

 

“Well who?” Harry prodded impatiently.

 

“George Shelley.” The taller boy snorted, he couldn’t help it and immediately looked over to Niall for his reaction, only for Niall to smirk briefly before looking off again as if he were somewhere else, lost in his thoughts.

 

“Saw his dick and everything…the kid is deffo packing heat, but like I told Jack I could’ve lived a thousand lifetimes without seeing his joystick if ya know what I mean.” Zayn continued, acting every bit the scarred victim.

 

Harry continued to snicker, at his roommate’s misfortune but couldn’t help but watch Niall and how quiet he was, but more than that he noted Niall’s lack of reaction to hearing that George was hooking up with Jack.

 

He knew that could mean one of two things either he honestly didn’t give a shit because even if he and George were doing anything it was probably an open arrangement seeing as Niall was also doing stuff with _him_ , or he could just really not give a shit because they were just friends and where George stuck his dick was of no concern to the blonde.

 

Pathetically enough Harry clung to the latter like a lifeline.

 

XXX

 

While Zayn and Harry joked about what ship name they thought Louis would give George and Jack once he found out about them. Niall let his mind wander back to his therapy session with Cher. Usually the two of them kept things light with an easy, natural banter they shared and maybe they’d skim the surface of something deeper towards the end but today had been different Cher went for the throat right off the bat and Niall hadn’t had time to prepare himself so to say he was still a bit rattled would be an understatement.

 

It all started when he walked into her office. Face flushed from jogging all the way from Spanish class in an effort to avoid talking to Harry, that kid was definitely in the right place for the amount of talking he did, he was always trying to get Niall to fucking talk about shit and it really pissed him off because there were just so many better more useful things to be doing with their mouths than bloody talking.

 

Talking led to feeling, feelings were uncontrollable and often led to the revealing of shit that quite frankly he didn’t want Harry or anyone for that matter to know about. It was bad enough that Harry had him going against rules he’d set up for himself long ago, the no kissing deal and today he’d actually let Harry suck him off, allowing him to have a piece of him, trusting Harry—something he just didn’t do anymore, trust.

 

“Well would you look at that Niall Horan actually on time for once; is the apocalypse truly upon us this time or what?”

 

“Yeah-yeah nice to see you too doll face.”

 

“Hmm, well don’t just stand there like a dolt. Have a seat.” Niall took up his usual seat on the couch as instructed and grinned across the desk at her.

 

“My that’s a lovely top; cut a little low for a joint like this though don’t you think wouldn’t want to give the trouble youths a stiffy now would ya.”

 

“You know I have a good mind to either report that remark or come round this desk and sock ya…believe me I’m leaning towards the second option but I happen to know you’re queerer than a 3 dollar bill so I’ll let it slide.”

 

“Hey now I may not be into vag but for you I think I could make an exception, granted it ya let me do ya doggystyle and all.” Cher has to physically restrain herself from reaching across the desk to clock him upside his head but luckily she catches the time out of the corner of her eye and all at once the counselor in her kicks in.

 

“Again I’ll let it slide but that’s your last free pass one more remark like that and so help me Horan…” Niall held his hands up in front of him in defense.

 

“Roger that chief.” Cher rolled her eyes as she watched Niall slouched down in his seat, peering over her desk at him, her back straight and hands folded neatly in front of her, she stared for a few beats, waiting for the blonde to start, but when all Niall did was study his nail nubs she sighed loudly.

 

“So what’s it gonna be today Niall, gonna get real with me or are we going to go through last night’s bloody dinner menu again, because I’ve got to say if you don’t start giving me something Simon’s going to reassign ya to someone else…” Niall grinned, bringing both hands up to his face in a perfect impression of the the classic scream painting.

 

“Oh, no anything but that, don’t reckon I could go on if I couldn’t see your face under these quality fluorescents every week.” He was only half kidding, Cher was one of the few people he could be himself around in this joint and he didn’t fancy having to start all over with someone else.

 

“Cut the shit Horan why don’t ya tell me about what’s going on between you and that Styles kid then?” If Niall was caught off guard he didn't show it, just went back to admiring a hangnail and shrugged.

 

“Huh? Oh Hazza he’s an alright sort.”

 

“Bollocks, you do know there’s no such thing as secrets around here yeah? Just about everyone knows what’s going on between the two of you except maybe Cowell but I think even he’s playing dumb…”

 

“Bloody hell there’s nothing there alright?” Cher made a tisking noise and pulled out a manila folder from a drawer and thumbed it open.

 

“Not alright, look I _have_ read your files you know, I already know why you’re here…so just open up already haven’t we danced around this for long enough?” Niall slid bored eyes over to meet hers.

 

“If ya already know then what’s there to even talk about?” He challenged haughtily. Cher tapped her fingers against the wood of the desk and tried a different approach:

 

“How about we talk about yer mum then, can’t have felt good that she chose he boyfriend over you.” Niall bit his lip but otherwise remained stoic.

 

“S’not her fault…she’s looking through rose colored lenses these days yeah? Heard love will do that to ya not that I’d know from experience or nothin’.” The last bit was mumbled nearly too low to hear but Cher picked up on those words and ran with them.

 

“So you’ve never been in love then?” Niall shrugged.

 

“Not any kind of love that’s been returned no.”

 

“What do ya mean?” She pressed, jotting a few things down on her notepad.

 

“I’ve got this mate back home named Josh…”

 

“Devine? It was his folks that drove ya up here yeah?” Cher interrupted for clarification sake, Niall only nodded and continued.

 

“Yeah, we’ve been best mates since we were just yee high,” He held his hand up to about knee height. “And we’ve been through it all together, he’s—he saved me. I’ve been in love with him since I realized girls weren’t for me but he’s completely straight, he loves me just not the way I want him to you know?” Cher nodded.

 

“Is that why you started hooking then, to be loved in the way Josh _couldn’t_?” Niall narrowed his eyes angrily at her and shook his head.

 

“Fuck No, that wasn’t love…it was never about love, wasn’t even about feelings…tried to numb meself to it all most of the time to be honest. It was just something I was good at or so HE said and it was easy money yeah? Needed to repay the Devine’s somehow didn’t I?” No clarification was necessary was to who ‘he’ was, so Cher remained quiet save for the sound of her pencil scratching against paper as she jotted down her notes.

 

“Is that what they said? Did they ask you to earn your keep or?”

 

“Naw, that wasn’t how they were they were the kinda parents I wished I’d, had. They were my second family ya know? Even little Benny was like a kid brudder to me, I just felt like a right knob eating their food, staying in their house and not contributing is all. ”

 

“Hmm, well I know why your mum wasn’t ideal but what’s the story with ya dad, couldn’t you ‘ave gone to live with him?”

 

“No.” Niall said with a sort of finality that warned her to drop the subject and fast, but it was her job to push and prod so she pressed on.

 

“But what about…

 

“Don’t really wanna talk about him ta.” He cut her off and this time she heeded his warning and changed the subject.

 

“Alright, moving on, this thing you have going with Harry is it—are you reluctant to call it a thing because of your past track record? Do you think he only wants one thing from you?” Niall snorted loudly, much to her confusion.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cher asked, taken aback.

 

“I  _know_  it’s not like that with Harry and that’s the problem.”

 

“Ok, I’m confused because…” She sighed out, nearly throwing her hands up in frustration.

 

“He doesn’t even _want that_ from me is the thing, believe me I’ve tried.” Niall didn’t even bat an eyelash at Cher’s wide eyed stare.

 

“He wants all that other shite, the kisses, flowers, cuddles and the lot. He wants some kind of fairy tale romance, but the thing is love is nothing but a crock of shit, the closest thing to it I’ve ever seen were the Devine’s and even they didn’t get married because they were in love, don’t get me wrong they liked each other a whole lot, enough to fuck at least and then get preggers with Joshie. The only reason Chucky boy proposed to Babs was he knew he’s da would have his bollocks if he didn’t do the right thing and make her an honest woman.”

 

“Ok but Niall you know love comes in all kinds of forms yeah? Sure there’s that stereotypical hearts, flowers and candy tripe, or like a brave knight or prince storming a castle to slay a dragon and save a princess is just another example, but there’s also the kind of love where someone is just there to listen to you even when you don’t make sense, or to laugh at even your worst of jokes, they’re there with a comforting touch in a world of chaos, a grounding sort of love. Much like what I imagine you have with Josh only you’d _get_ the intimacy along with it, not that I’m condoning you act on said intimacy while here at Mount Serenity but I do ask you not to cut yourself off, I might not know much of Styles yet but I think he could be good for you, you can be good for each other.”

 

Niall tried to swallow around the sudden lump in his throat because fuck how did she do that? Get inside his head like that, it hadn’t escaped his notice that Harry was a lot like Josh in too many ways for comfort, he’d actively avoided thinking about it, but he _was_. They had the same dry wit and humor, they were both too trusting for their own good and they both looked at him like he was actually something great not just a teenage prostitute good for nothing more than getting off old pervs, they saw his worth, the real him and when they looked at him, especially when Harry looked at him he actually felt, well, _beautiful_.

 

Which was such an alien feeling one that Niall didn’t know if he liked just yet or not. Could Cher be right though, if he gave this thing a chance with Harry, an honest to god shot no holds bar would it be everything he’s ever wanted it to be with Josh, could he have both the best friend and the boyfriend, could he finally find his happy place? Gnawing his bottom lip between his teeth he finally looked up to meet Cher’s awaiting gaze.

 

“I don’t know what you’re on about Cher me and Haz are just mates, now about last night’s dessert, I reckon someone’s gotta give ol Peggy a lesson on how to bake a proper batch of brownies because she burns ‘em round the edges every single time without fail and I’m getting’ mighty sick of it I am.”

 

Blowing out a frustrated breath, Cher slammed her notepad back down on the desk, knowing that was all she’d be getting out of Niall that afternoon.

 

XXX

 

No one seemed to notice or maybe they did but they just didn’t care too wrapped up in their own drama that Liam was acting weird. For one thing he hadn’t spoke a full sentence throughout all of dinner. After the mumbled ‘Library’ he’d mostly communicated through shrugs, nods and head shakes and the boys just accepted these answers and moved on, none of them even bothered to ask him if he was alright, no one commented on how quiet he was all of a sudden and it hurt, like a lot because when the roles were reversed Liam was more often than not the first one to notice and try and help his friend so it fucking sucked that when it came down to it he just didn’t matter as much to his mates as they did to him.

 

But Liam supposed it was just as well, he’d only end up lying or downplaying his feelings which he hated doing, he believed lying was one of the ugliest things you could do especially to someone you claimed to care about so maybe it was good that his friends were all so self absorbed, so he could avoid doing so.  

 

After dinner was through they dumped their trays and headed out of the caf. He heard Harry mention heading back to the rec room for some more foosball but only Zayn seemed up for it, Niall begging off and e himself didn’t even bother to reply just walked off towards the dorms and barely heard Zayn’s ‘the fuck’s up with him’ before he and Harry settled on a game of ping pong instead.

 

Jack was lying on his bed going through his twitter feed probably but he looked up briefly to wiggle his fingers at his roommate in greeting. Liam forced a tight smile and waved back before gathering up his toiletries case and heading to the loo for a shower. The bathroom was eerily empty for this time of night usually it was bustling with boy catching showers before lights out but for whatever reason it was deserted and Liam took that as the sign he needed, and decided he wouldn’t even wait until tonight to cut—couldn’t really not after that meal with those  narcissistic mates of his.

 

So after perking his ears one last time to check to see if anyone was in there he started the shower and grabbed the necessary items needed to shower and placed them on the shelf of the shower’s wall. The grabbed up his stick of deodorant, lifting first the top, then carefully as can be he lifted the actual cake of deodorant and grinned when he saw the razor he’d stolen from Jack.

 

Taking it between his fingers he righted the deodorant quickly before tossing it aside before bringing the razor up to the desired arm. He closed his eyes in anticipation of that sweet release when he paused and realized that maybe he shouldn’t be cutting on his arms, sure he tended to wear long sleeves but there was too big a risk of someone seeing that he had new scars, not his arsehole friends they wouldn’t care enough to notice but maybe Ed, sweet lovable Ed would notice something like that straight away so maybe he ought to pick somewhere else.

 

Glancing down at his body he eyed his thighs, thinking that there could work or perhaps his hip or side? The possibilities were endless really so much skin and all places easy to cover and hide away.

 

And the best part was no one would even think to suspect him, not Liam the golden boy Payne. He snorted to himself. Some kind of golden boy couldn’t even save Zayn from the river could he? Had panicked like a bloody chicken with its head chopped off while Louis of all people dove in after him without a thought. Gritting his teeth he brought the razor down to his thigh and made a generous slice. Hissing out a breath of relief as the first trickles of blood began to bead on his skin, until the bubble became so big that it popped and dripped itself down over his knee, to his ankle, foot and finally to be washed down the shower drain.  

 

He made three more slices to represent the boys and how he felt he failed them as a friend by pretending to be this strong pillar for them when really he was the weakest of them all. He made a cut for Ed and how he deserved so much more than Liam’s affections, deserved so much more than being a counselor at

A crummy school for wayward youths—deserved to be a star. Lastly he made a final cut for Andy, the deepest one of all because there was just so much pain there, so much to repent for.  This one actually hurt more than relieved and Liam found himself having to lean his forehead against the cool tile of the wall, breathing coming out quick and ragged as his mind betrayed him, taking him back to that night, making him relive it like he was so oft to do.

 

“I’m sorry.” He whimpered, feeling his body weaken slightly. Had he gone too far tonight, did he cut too deep? Again he was shocked by the lack of concern for death, he only wished he’d had the chance to say goodbye, tell his mum he was sorry one last time and prayed wherever he went that he could see Andy one last time. Opening his eyes he saw that although there was an awful lot of blood swirling down the drain, that his wounds had already begun to stop bleeding, so it looked like he would live to see another day.

 

“Woo-pee.” He cheered in a sarcastic morose tone and finally reached for his shampoo, thinking he might as well get cleaned up if he still had to live.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I apologize for the wait and thank you all for your patience with me and for still liking this story and not hating me and at least Zouis fans should be happy with me after this chapter so there's that :D

A week goes by and aside from that awkward dinner where Niall refused to meet Harry’s eyes and barely spoke more than one word sentences Niall seemed to be back to his old ways, only doubly worse now that kissing was thrown into the mix as well as groping and it was driving Harry absolutely mad.

 It seemed every time he turned around Niall was surprising him with a peck on the lips here or a flick of his tongue there and the absolute worse was when Niall would catch the taller boy’s bottom lip between his teeth and tug hard enough to hurt, before soothing the sting away with adorable little  kitten licks. When he did _that_ it took everything in Harry not to collapse into a heap of emotions because it just wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right that Niall could do this to him, every single time. That he gave the other boy so much power over him.

He mentioned it to Nick in their weekly session last week, talked mostly about his dad and the neglect there, and talked a lot about Zayn and Louis and how odd they were being lately, even weirder than usual. Gone were the snarky insults and death glares, now they simply went stiff and quiet whenever they were around each other or whenever the other was mentioned. Harry couldn’t figure out what changed there, but he knew the truth would slip out eventually; he just had to be patient.

It was nearing the end of the session when Nick mentioned Niall, wondering if either of them had ‘made a move yet’ Harry had blushed ten shades of red not even bothering to act surprised that Nick knew that there even was anything between him and Niall and shook his head and instead told the counselor about all the suggestive things Niall was always whispering in his ear.

“He’s even learned to say a few things in Spanish and it’s so fucking distracting and infuriating.” Nick asked if it made him uncomfortable, offered to get Cher to talk to the blonde about it but with his cheeks still pink as a rose Harry shook his head again.

“No, I’m alright I just wish it was more for him ya know? That he wanted to snuggle and hold hands and do couple-y things with me.” Nick groaned at the younger boy’s jutted lip as he pouted.

“Oh god, you’ve a romantic soul Styles, in this day and age blokes like you are hard to come by sadly, people today are only out for their own instant gratification.” Harry sniffed sadly.

“Yeah I know.” Nick eyed the curly boy from across his desk taking in his slumped form and came up with a plan.

“Tell you what, why don’t ya just tell him those things you want to do with him? Every time he says something suggestive counter remark with some sappy romantic gesture you’d like to do for him in return? If nothing else it’ll confuse the hell out of him and ya can have yerself a laugh.”

So that’s exactly what he does  when Niall would come up behind him and hiss something about wanting to bend Harry over Senorita Minogue’s desk. Harry would gasp as was expected but not a beat later he would turn his head to meet Niall’s baby blues and smirk back:

“Funny, because I’d like to take you on a picnic when the weather warms up.”

The first time he’d done it Niall had said something in passing about wanting to suck him off later before continuing on down the aisle headed for his seat. So he was completely caught off guard by Harry’s response of ‘I could write sonnets about your eyes alone you know’ and had nearly tripped over someone’s backpack, turning to glare at the brunette.

Nick was right it was pretty amusing watching the frustration etch itself onto Niall’s face each time Harry counter attacks with one romantic notion after another but it wasn’t however helping him to make anymore progress with the blonde than has already been made. Niall still only wanted to fuck him and flee.

Not that anything major has happened between them since Harry blew Niall in the boy’s bathroom, just the odd grope where Niall’s hand might linger just a tad too long or Niall pressing him back against a tree and snogging all the oxygen out of his lungs before bouncing off with glee and no explanation.

XXX

It’s only their third therapy session together but Harry already feels like he could honestly tell Nick anything without worrying about being judged, ok that’s a lie Nick will probably judge, quite mercilessly in fact but it was all in jest and most times it came from a good place so Harry didn’t mind as much and he had to admit most of the time Nick was irritatingly spot on.

He’s headed out the school building to meet Lou in their usual spot so they can walk over to therapy together but when he emerges from the heavy doors he spies Greg and Louis talking in hushed tones right there on the front steps. Harry doesn’t’ know if he should approach or not and unconsciously slows his steps, thankfully Louis looks up at that moment and waves him over. Greg too looks up and offers Harry a tight smile.

“Well Curly it looks like you’ll be going it alone today I’m afraid.” Louis informed, throwing a heavy arm around the taller boy’s neck once he was close enough to do so.

“Sorry?” Harry asks, grimacing slightly as he was pulled down to accommodate for their height difference.

“To therapy, poor Greg’s got to catch a train back home for a family emergency, poor guy so my sesh has been pushed back to Friday.”

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that Greg.”

“Yeah thanks, my uncle’s been doing poorly and he’s always been like a second dad to me so I wanted to pop in to see him in case, well you know.” The two youths nodded, faces hanging with sympathy.

“So anyway I’d better be off now then, I’ll see you on Friday Tomlinson and Harry you’d better get a move on lest not to keep his highness waiting.” The three laughed before breaking off into different directions. Harry towards the main building, Greg his awaiting Jeep and Louis back to the dorms.

XXX

When Harry entered Nick’s office he was surprised to hear _Take me Home_ by Cash Cash, not the music playing itself, that had sort of become a thing with them but because in the past Nick tended to stick to the classics, the Strokes, the Clash and Ramones just to name a few, so it was a bit unusual for Nick to be playing something so current, not that he was complaining.

“Nice of you to grace me with your presence your majesty.” Was Nick’s chosen greeting. The younger boy rolled his eyes, more than fed up with Nick’s not at all witty Prince Harry references.

“Sorry mate was just seeing Greg off, heard ‘bout his uncle and all.”

“Ah, well I guess I can forgive ya then.”

“Ta much.” Harry said sarcastically and plopped down in his usual seat.

“Alright then, since we’re running a few minutes behind we’ll have to skip the chit chat and dive right into things yeah?” Harry gulped, not at all anticipating what _diving right in_ would entail.

“So Hazza, a little birdie told me it’s to be your birthday in a couple of days and by birdie I of course mean your file but it’s the big 1-7 are ya excited?” Harry puffed out his cheeks in a futile effort to not smile and failed.

“Is it sad to say yes? That this is going to be the first birthday I actually have friends to celebrate it with and I’ll be celebrating it in a fucking teenage rehab facility, but in the past it’s always been a generic card from my dad with a five dollar bill inside and Mary my nanny’s half hearted attempts to make me feel better by buying my favorite Carvel ice cream cake, you know the one shaped like an American football? I like that one best because it’s covered in those little crunchy chocolate bits that I love.”

Harry paused to smile at the memory.

“Mary knew that so her and I and sometimes a few of the other house staff would eat it and watch Frosty the Snowman…every year right up until the last one because I liked to pretend Frosty was saying Happy Birthday to me when he first comes to life, real pathetic huh?” Nick shook his head.

“Harry, it’s not pathetic to try and make do with the rotten hand your dealt you do get that right? You’re a bright, funny, good looking and clever young lad and _you_ did that, all on your own. The man you are today you have no one but yourself to thank and I think that’s something to be commended for in itself. Sure you got knocked off course by a few things and landed in a place like this, but as you’ve already stated maybe this isn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened to you, maybe this is your saving grace.”

“I know you’re right but I can’t help feeling like a fuck up, that I had to be dragged to the middle of nowhere and enrolled into a school for troubled youths to find my soul mates.”

“Soul mates huh?” Harry blushed, nodding.

“Yeah the guys. I’ve already told you how important each of them are to me. Louis taking me under his wing right from the start and Zayn god I couldn’t have picked a more perfect roommate if I tried. Liam is amazing always there with an ear and he’s literally the nicest human being I’ve ever met, so selfless and nurturing, I still don’t believe he actually belongs here but god am I glad he is, because I can’t imagine life without him ya know?”

“And then there’s Niall.” Nick added cheekily.

“Yes, and then there’s bloody Niall.”

“What’s going on there then did my advice last week help you at all?”

“I don’t know if it helped any but you were right watching Niall flush and nearly fall on his arse in shock when I told him I wanted to write poetry about his eyes or summat was well worth it.”

“I’m glad.” The younger boy toyed with the hole in the knee of his skinny jeans as he gathered up the courage to ask his next question.

“Hey Nick, how um, how serious is the confidentiality clause in this place anyway?” Nick’s eyes widened slightly, not expecting to be asked that of all things, but he answered without hesitation.

“Harry, I already told you in our first session that I don’t exactly play by all the rules, I honestly want you to feel like you can tell me anything and yes that includes your sexual trysts with Horan, though maybe you might want to not go into too great a detail there yeah? The only time I am legally bound to break our confidentiality agreement is if I feel like you’re a danger to yourself or others.”

Harry chewed his lip for a few beats, contemplating whether or not Nick could be trusted, in the end he thought what the hell he was already in rehab where could they send him next for sneaking a couple of blowjobs?

“Ok, um well then we’ve snogged a couple of times and uh rubbed against each other a bit, you know?  I really like him Nick and maybe it’s my lack of experience…before him I’d never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend for that matter aside from um…”

“Caroline, your step mum.” Nick said offhandedly and that was it, which Harry was surprised by, he expected his counselor to prod the subject a bit more now that it was broached, but he didn’t, just sat there waiting for Harry to continue, so he did.

“Yeah her, I’d never even kissed anyone so maybe I do romanticize what we have a bit more than he’d like but fuck me I _like_ him, I truly fancy him as a person and I can’t help wanting him to like me back just as much, I can’t help wanting to be more than a pretty mouth to fuck into or an arse to grope. I’m a human being with feelings, wants, and needs and one of those needs is human contact that extends passed sexual. But I also don’t want just a laugh, I want to know his hopes and dreams I want to know him like no one else—is that so much to ask for Nick, am I being unreasonable?

“Of course not…” Harry cut him off.

“At first I thought I was different because it’s not like he throws himself at just anyone I mean before I came Justin you know Biebs? He’s been trying to get in Niall’s pants for months unsuccessfully and sure now there's George fucking Shelley but he singled _me_ out from day freaking one, like I was special, but it’s not like that is it? He's just incapable of feeling anything beyond the physical and I’m just done.”

“Wait what do you mean _the physical_?” Harry rolled his eyes.

“ _Sex_ , I’m talking about sex Grimmy, do keep up.”

“You and Niall are having sex?”

“No, not that he hasn’t tried it though, we’ve just sucked each off and had mutual wanks is all.”Nick closed his eyes for a minute and Harry wondered if the older man was trying to erase the mental image or preserve it, after all Nick did bat for the same team and him and Niall together made for quite the sexy picture.

“Jesus Harry, look I don’t think Niall’s ever had someone want those things from him, and maybe you pushing him is scaring him off a bit, you’re not entirely in the wrong but maybe you have to see it from his side and maybe slow your pace a bit?” The curly topped boy threw his hands up.

“He treated me like I was a bloody john Nick, like everything we’ve been doing was like turning a trick or whatever the street term is.” Nick drew back in his chair in surprise.

“Did he actually _say_ that?”

“He didn’t have to! None of this is fucking real for him, you can take the whore off the corner but if he’s still willing to drop to his knees for dosh then he’s still a fucking whore!”

“I highly doubt that’s a fair assessment.” Nick chastised while he jotted something down on his notepad.

“Well you’re not the one who tried to kiss him only for him to say that’s not _included_ are you?”

“Wait you mean to tell me he’s had your dick in his mouth but it’s _kissing_ that bothers him? What kind of Pretty Woman bullshit is this?” Harry shrugged.

“He used to not want to kiss, now though he uses those lips of his as just another means to drive me to murder.” Nick frowned.

“Harry, you can’t joke like that in here.”

“Oh right, well you know I wouldn’t actually.”

“Yes I do and that’s why I’m choosing to pretend I didn’t hear it, but another remark like that and I’ll be forced to go to Cowell alright?”

“Yeah yeah, this is what he does to me Nick, this is my daily turmoil, if it wasn’t for Zayn and our night time confessions I’d go barmy.”

“Ah so Zayn knows about the two of you then?”

“I’m pretty sure all of the boys know about me and Niall but they don’t _know_ , as in I haven’t told them and I doubt this means enough to Niall for him bother so it’s mostly just assumed, but Zayn knows more or less not like in detail but he knows something is going on between us just not to what extent.”

“Hmm, and I supposed what with him having his own issues with Louis he might be just a tad bit too distracted to really prod huh, might convenient that.”

“Sure.”

“What about Liam then, have you noticed anything odd with him lately. Ed’s been a bit worried but Leona hasn’t got anything for him and me and Li haven’t had a heart to heart in an age but has he gone a bit closed off lately would you say?” Harry brought a hand up to scratch at his chin.

“Uh, not really I mean he’s been a little quieter than usual but nothing major…it’s _Liam_ you know?”

“I _do_ know, that’s why I’m asking because the Liam we all know and love hasn’t been present for quite some time now and we’re all growing a bit worried.”

“I’ll keep an eye out, Nick I guess I just didn’t think to really watch him because he’s never needed it.”

“Did anything happen in the last few days that would’ve caused such a change?”

“Not that I can think of, sorry.” Nick hummed just as the timer went off ending their session and Harry let out the relieved breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding.

“Haz, we don’t have to end here just yet, just because the timer’s gone off we can sit and chat for as long as you need, I know we got through quite a bit today and touched on some tough subjects and I wouldn’t want you leaving here with your emotions lever set on high yeah?”

“I’ll be alright Grimmy, honest. I’ll just catch a quick nap before dinner and be right as rain.”

“If you’re sure?”

“Absolutely.” He gathered up his messenger bag and quickly made his way to the door. “I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for Liam too.”

“You don’t have to Harry, It’s not your job to after all is it? I just thought I’d ask is all.”

“But it is sort of, isn’t it? It’s my job to watch over my mates and notice when one of them is having a time of it yeah?”

“Yeah ok, just don’t prod him if you do notice anything; come straight to Ed, Leona or myself first.”

“Aye aye Capitan.” Harry saluted Nick who just rolled his eyes and shooed him off.

XXX

Louis had every intention of going to his room and vegging out in front of his laptop maybe coax Niall over to his bed for a movie and a cuddle before dinner but for reasons he couldn’t explain he found himself stopping off onto the second floor headed to Zayn and Harry’s room.

Standing outside their wooden door, identical to the many other doors up and down the hallway he knew exactly why he was there, he refused to go another minute feeling the way he has been for the last week. Looking around every corner to make sure Zayn wasn’t around or ducking out of rooms if he were in them. Ever since he and Zayn made out and he came in his bloody trousers like he were still in middle school he was a jumpy mess and he hated it, hated that he let that pyro freak with his perfect quiff and lovely smile and pert little bum get to him like this.

He was Louis fucking Tomlinson for god sakes, he didn’t flee from rooms because of someone else’s presence, he didn’t hold his tongue instead of verbally slashing someone in the jugular. He felt foreign in his own skin and he didn’t like it one bit, this had to end and he knew the only way for that to happen would be to finally confront Zayn about what happened in the woods that day.

Bringing his fist up to the door he took a deep breath and held it as he knocked three times. Nothing, not a peep. Louis bit his lip and wondered if Zayn weren’t off somewhere snogging Perrie and was just about to turn and leave when the door was suddenly torn open and a squinty eyed Zayn stood there in nothing but a tight pair of black briefs, trying to glare at whoever was on the other side of the door but he looked so sleep rumpled with his hair flying every which way and a slight pillow crease in his left cheek he came off looking more like a tired toddler. His eyes widen when he realizes who is actually stood in front of him.

“Tomlinson?” He says and his voice is so deliciously raspy, Louis has to clench his fists tight enough that his nails bit into his palms not to grab the other boy to him and make him make all kinds of other delightful sounds. Instead he nods once, shifting from foot to foot and staring at the tattoo on Zayn’s left shoulder rather than at his face.

“Uh, yeah” Louis confirmed, toying with the fraying ends of his jumper’s sleeve. It was an ancient thing three sizes too big on account that it used to belong to Stan and he cursed himself for the first time at choosing today of all days to be his _bum day_ as he quickly glanced down at the baggy sweat pants he wore.

“Well, what did’ya want then?” Zayn asked with a bit of annoyance in his tone. _Oh right_.

“Can I come in?”

“Harry’s not here, he’s in therapy…which shouldn’t you be in as well?”

“Got cancelled, Greg had some personal business to tend to.” Zayn made a thoughtful sound but still didn’t move to let Louis in.

“A bit nippy out here ain’t it?” Louis said pointedly and Zayn looked down to find his nipples hard as pebbles, his head shot back up just in time to see Louis’ eyes dart away.

“Yeah a bit.” He agreed with a smirk.

“Fucking A Malik are ya gonna let me in or not?”

“What for?” Louis growled and finally just shoved passed the darker boy. Zayn didn’t bother to fight him and simply closed the door behind them.

He turned expecting Louis to be sat on Harry’s bed or maybe in his desk chair but instead the slighter boy was pacing in the space between beds, one hand tugging at his hair, product less today he noted as Louis kept having to flick his fringe from his eyes every other step, his other hand kept clenching and unclenching into a fist down at his side.

“Louis…” He started, utterly confused as to why the older boy was paying him of all people a visit, not to mention he’d been napping earlier and would really like to back to it before the warm spot in his bed was gone. Louis however cut him off, eyes dancing with an unknown emotion as they were suddenly trained on him.

“What the fuck was that last week?”

“Pardon?”

“Pardon, _pardon?_ Don’t pardon me; you know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about Zayn.” Another shiver went through him at Louis’ use of his first name, same as it had all those days ago, had it really only been a week since he felt Louis’ hands on him, tasted those lips? It felt more like ages.

“Tomlinson I have no idea what you’re…”

“ _We kissed_.” Louis hissed, whirling around to glare at him. “And I basically dry humped your leg like a bloody dog, don’t even try and sit there and pretend like you don’t remember.” All the air in Zayn’s body left him in one big whoosh at having it actually vocalized.

“I fucking remember.”

“Yeah you do, you fucking cost me my laxatives mate.” Zayn shot the other boy an incredulous look, because really, _that’s_ what Louis chose to focus on.

“I was trying to _help_ ya git.”

“Oh for the love of, what is this some kind of after school special are you trying to save me from myself Malik?”

“No, fuck you. I just…you’re better than that Lou don’t you see that? You shouldn’t have to suck Max George off for laxatives.” Louis winced at the unwarranted nickname but continued undeterred.

“Oh that’s rich coming from you; you let Harries suck you off for cigarettes.”

“That’s different.”

“How so?”

“You know what? I don’t have to answer; I don’t owe you a bloody thing. Go on take your ex-lax or whatever generic brand George can get fer ya…you’ll never get out of here that way but who fucking cares right? Come to think of it why don’t you OD next time, down square after square until you fucking explode?”

“Maybe I will, think if I offer Max my arse he’ll hook me up? Think I’ll test that right now actually, ta for the advice!” Louis pivoted on his heel, heading for the door, shouldering passed Zayn harshly. He’d barely got a hand around the doorknob when Zayn rushed after him, crowding him against the door.

“Don’t you dare.” He warned, lips right up against the smaller boy’s ear.

“Why not? Thought you wanted me to explode.” Louis taunted, going so far as to rub his arse back against Zayn’s crotch. The darker boy whimpered, thrusting involuntary forward in response.

“I do, but maybe I want to be the one ta make you explode.” Louis couldn’t help but snort, turning so that his back was pressed flat against the door and he could now see Zayn’s wide golden eyes, read the same fear and confusion he felt there, that was no doubt reflected in his own blue pair.

“Hmm, big words for such a…” He began but he was promptly cut off by Zayn’s lips latching onto his own and he instead moaned against the taller boy’s mouth.

“Fuck, you drive me insane you know that?” Zayn groaned into the smaller boy’s mouth.

“Same, the exact fucking same.” Louis whined, sneaking his hands between them to caress Zayn’s abs. “Are we really doing this then?” He asked before biting down gently on one of Zayn’s earlobes.

“Yeah? If you want to.”

“Mm, yeah…I need…” Zayn didn’t wait to hear what exactly it was Louis thought he needed and without warning lifted the slighter boy, who yelped and immediately wrapped his legs around Zayn’s waist. Zayn carried him over to his bed and playfully dropped him on his arse.

Louis giggled as he bounced once before settling back onto the pillow and finally taking in the sight before him now that he was more or less allowed to, of Zayn stood in nothing but his briefs all smooth flawless olive skin marred only by the thick black ink of his tattoos, he was in no way ripped like Liam but he was lean and Louis really hoped he wasn’t actually drooling because that would be embarrassing.

“Like what you see?” Zayn asked, his tone teasing he wasn’t prepared for Louis’ earnest:

“Yes.” Louis said, not even bothering to lie, he wanted this, has always wanted this ever since he first laid eyes on the other boy and he didn’t feel like putting on airs, pretending like he wasn’t fucking amped for this to finally happen.

“Yeah?” Zayn asked, blushing slightly and Louis couldn’t tell if he was just a very convincing actor or if he honestly didn’t know, leaning up onto his elbows Louis steadied him with a look.

“Zayn you know you’re fucking gorgeous right?” The darker boy shrugged, looking away.

“No, I know I’m good looking like, but _you_ think so?”

“Well I do have _eyes_ you know, I’ve always thought you were beautiful…a pain in my arse, but a beautiful pain in my arse.” Zayn chuckled and without further hesitation, joined Louis on the bed, fitting himself comfortably between the older boy’s shamelessly spread thighs.

They kiss again, slow and deep, exploring one another’s mouths trying to learn each other from the inside out, deep was never deep enough. Zayn backed off for a moment, making Louis whine in the back of his throat at the loss until his shirt was being tugged at and he dutifully raised both arms above his head for Zayn to rid his body of this jumper, his under shirt coming off along with it much to both boys delight.

With their lips connected once more they both relished the feel of skin on skin, hands wandering unabashedly. Louis brought both hands around to squeeze Zayn’s tiny bum making the other boy groan into his mouth, hips canting forward of their own accord.

“Jesus, Zayn…you think you might.” Louis panted into the darker boy’s mouth, trying weakly to push him away.

“Hmm?” Zayn hummed distracted, licking further into Louis’ mouth and making him keen a bit until he focused once more and pushed at Zayn’s chest again, this time effectively creating a bit of space between them so he could speak. With his chest thudding hard Louis met Zayn’s eyes:

“Zayn would you, can you fuck me?” Zayn’s eyes widen to the size of saucers as he licks his reddened lips nervously.

“Oh god, Louis I would but...”

“What are you worried about Hazza walking in on us? We’ve got plenty of time still and believe me it’s been so long for me it embarrassingly enough will not take much to get me off.”

“That’s not the issue, I promise.”

“So what’s up? Don’t you want me?” Zayn rolled his eyes.

“What do you think?” He mocked thrusting against Louis’ thigh so that he could feel his painful erection.

“That for me?” Zayn nodded. “Well then what’s the problem babe?”Zayn shivered for the second time at the use of a nickname.

“It’s just this will be my uh, I mean I’ve never actually…” Louis’ eyes widen with realization and all at once he’s sitting up, cutting Zayn off in surprise.

“Wait a bloody minute there tiger, you’re trying to tell me you’re a virgin, with a face like that? Pfft you’ve got to be taking the piss with me yeah? Because if not I feel a strongly worded letter sent to the boys and girls of your school is in order because what on earth were they thinking not trying to tap that?”

“Louis…” Zayn started in a weary tone but was once again cut off by the other boy.

“No I’m serious, I’m outraged.” Zayn laughed, shaking his head.

“That just means you get to be my first yeah?” Louis’ eyes soften at that and he can’t help but surge forward to peck Zayn’s already kiss swollen lips. Zayn followed after him as he tried drawing back and the two ended up being pulled into another snog, this time with teeth as Louis nibbled on Zayn’s cushy bottom lip, unable to fathom how no one has ever done this before.

“Damn, so I don’t suppose you have anything then?”

“Anything?” The darker boy asked, his forehead wrinkling up in confusion.

“Lube, condoms, you know _stuff_.” Zayn’s forehead smoothed out in understanding and he sadly shook his head.

“Uh no, sorry shit I…” Louis pouted in disappointment.

“Fuck me, alright rain check then, definitely. For now we improvise.” Without warning he cupped Zayn’s dick, giving it a pointed squeeze, causing Zayn to nearly choke on his own spit.

“ _Christ_.” He gasped, thrusting forward into Louis’ hand not even thinking. The older boy smirked and with no further hesitation reached down into Zayn’s briefs to haul his hard cock out to hang just over the elastic waistband. Zayn couldn’t help but shudder at the feel of Louis’ bare hand on his dick, _finally_.

“Please, Lou don’t tease.” Louis smirked again, watching as Zayn’s feature contorted as he switched from long agonizingly slow strokes to really wanking him, using his other hand that rested on Zayn’s arse to encourage him to fuck into is grip.

Zayn let the most desperate whimper slip from his lips and it was all Louis could do not to cum right there and then at the sight of Zayn rutting into his fist, eyes screwed shut as if in pain and mouth hung open and slack. It was almost enough of a distraction for him to forget his own erection, almost.

“While this is lovely and all watching you come apart all because of my hand, would you mind touching me as well?” Louis teased, pointedly rubbing his erection against the darker boy’s thigh.

Zayn’s eyes blinked open sluggishly as if it had honestly just dawned on him that Louis might want to get off as well, which really should’ve pissed the older boy off but instead he was just overcome with even more arousal at the thought that Zayn was so far gone to the point that nothing else mattered, that he’d done that to him.

“Oh right, sorry.” Zayn managed to choke out, his hips moving double time now as he approached his release but he managed to bring a sweaty hand up to the bulge in Louis’ sweats, massaging him through the thick material, but Louis could tell he wasn’t focused by the way he was biting his bottom lip almost drawing blood, breathing through just his nose, his breaths coming out in quick angry puffs that reminded Louis sort of a bull and that shouldn’t be hot right, Louis shouldn’t find this to be so fucking sexy that his eyes roll to the back of his head after  only a few seconds of halfhearted petting.

But that’s exactly what happens. Whining high in the back of his throat his hips lift completely off the mattress, desperate to feel more of Zayn’s hand on him as he comes for the second time, in his bloody trousers.

“Fucking fuck,” Louis cried out, unbelievingly.

“Did you just?” Zayn asked, suddenly prying his eyes open once more to look between Louis’ reddening cheeks and the wet spot slowing forming on his light gray sweats.

“I swear that’s not happening again, I didn’t mess my trousers this much when I was in middle school so I’ll be damned if I’m going to make this a habit at bloody seventeen.” Louis murmured into his sweaty chest, ashamed. Zayn’s own face scrunched up suddenly as he felt his own orgasm hit at just the thought that he’d made Louis cum again.

“Shit, shitshitshit, I’m gonna shoot Lou, I’m gonna… _shit!”_ Louis who had sort of forgotten he was supposed to be wanking someone off, too focused on his own release he’d let his grip on Zayn loosen considerably, not that the other boy minded or even noticed really he’d just continued to fuck Louis’ loose grip until he finally came, spilling out over Louis’ fist, hips moving violently until his body’s very last shudder and nearly collapsed onto Louis’ spent but the older boy rolled to the side at the very last minute and Zayn slipped onto his back near the wall, staring up at the ceiling as he tried to catch his breath.

With the sweat still drying on their bodies, Zayn rolled over to face Louis, because despite all that had been said and what they’d just done he was still confused as to where that left them. Were they going to be like Niall and Harry, a sort of fuck buddy type deal or was this a one off and they go back to fighting and hating each other now that they’d gotten this out of their system? The last one made something in him sink but he knew that was a viable option whether he liked it or not so it had to be considered in case that was what Louis wanted.

“What is this?” He finally spoke, voice not much louder than a whisper.

“Hmm?” Louis hummed, sounding warn out and sleepy but above all _satisfied_. Zayn couldn’t help but grin having had a hand in doing that.

“I guess I mean, like what are we now? Do we just go back to how things were?”

“No.” Louis said, without hesitation and with so much conviction Zayn couldn’t help but grin even wider, dropping a quick kiss on to the smaller boy’s shoulder. Louis squeezed him impossibly closer with the arm slung around his waist.

“So are we boyfriends then?” Zayn continued to prod, not wanting to leave anything up to chance.

“If you’d like to be.”

“Do you want to?”Zayn questioned, not wanting to be the one to put himself out there, Louis finally huffed out a breath big enough to send his fringe into the air before settling back onto his damp forehead.

“Yes, I’d like for you to be mine.”

“Me too.” Zayn breathed out relieved, snuggling up to the other boy’s side.

“Good, because I wasn’t really asking.”

“Twatrag.” Zayn said fondly, grinning from ear to ear.

“Hey!” Louis cried out in mock offense, the darker boy just shook his head before kissing the pout from Louis’ lips, feeling it curve into a smile against his own. 

“Are we going to tell the others?” Louis made a thoughtful sound.

“Not yet, I think I’d like to keep this just between us for a bit.”

“Oh I get it.” Zayn sniffed, moving to sit up and put a bit of distance between them, not really in a cuddly mood any longer. But Louis’ hold tightened around him preventing him from doing so.

“Babe, you really _don’t_. I’m not ashamed of you…it’s actually a bit concerning how low your self esteem is given the face you have, and body and have I mentioned that gorgeous cock of yers?”

“Nope, don’t think you have.”

“Well it is, fucking perfect and I’d gladly show you off as my boyfriend, I can’t wait to brag in great detail about all the lovely noises that come out of your mouth when I touch just here.” As he said it he demonstrated by nipping at Zayn’s collarbone causing the younger boy to whimper.

“But I’m selfish and I want to learn you inside out without everyone else getting in the way, can’t we have a bit of a honeymoon phase where we sneak off and snog or pet one another and no one be any the wiser?”

“So we’d still have to fight in front of everyone else then?” Louis nodded slowly.

“Well yes, but can I let in you in on a little secret?” Zayn nodded. “That totally does it for me, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve popped a boner in the middle of an argument with you love, and it’ll be even lovelier now that afterward we can sneak off and actually work it out together.”

“Suppose you’re right, never thought I’d see the day where I looked forward to fighting with you.” Louis clucked his tongue.

“Now Malik, you know that just isn’t true.”

“How do you figure?”

“Fighting with me was the highlight of your day because it meant we were acknowledging each other at all, which was better than the alternative.”

Zayn wouldn’t admit it but Louis was right even back in the beginning when Louis was so cold towards him, sparking him to come up with the oh so clever nickname Ice queen, but even then he’d known he was attracted to the older boy, he may not have liked the way he was treated and he definitely hadn’t liked the shit he would spew at him daily but he’d yearned for Louis’ approval, ached for him in a way he wasn’t ready to admit not even to himself but he’d be lying if he denied popping a few of his own boners after a particularly heated row between them, so yeah he sort of got what Louis was saying about preferring to fight with him than be ignored completely.

“I should know.” Louis continued after a beat. “Because that’s how I felt.” He finished his confession as if reading Zayn’s mind, which was freaky on so many levels, but it was also kind of nice too.

XXX

Louis wasn’t at dinner again that night, but not because he was too weak to make it down to the cafeteria but because Ed took him for his weekly weigh in after which the ginger would monitor Louis’ intake of that night’s meal, and they’d have a lovely chat.

So Harry took this time to observe Liam, for once putting his own drama aside to help a friend that may need it, sure he was quieter than usual but Harry just figured that was because he kept shoveling food into his mouth, and the eldest boy had a thing about talking with his mouth full. One thing he did notice that was new was that Liam was being overly nice to Zayn lately, like even going out of his way to do so which was a little odd but still nothing to sound the alarms over.

Because Louis wasn’t there Zayn took up his seat at their table like he did every time Louis went M.I.A. Niall made a joke about his other friends growing jealous of all the meals he was having with them. Zayn quipped something back that Harry didn’t catch too focused on watching Liam and to the blonde’s horror speared a sausage off of his plate with his fork. That left three sausages still on the blonde’s plate but by the look on the Irish boy’s face you would think Zayn had stolen the very last sausage in all of existence.

The older boy made a show of bringing the stolen sausage to his mouth, ready to take a hearty bite when the fork was suddenly snatched from his fingers and his teeth closed around nothing but air.

“Hey what the fuck man?” Zayn cursed staring directly into the glaring blue eyes of Niall, the aforementioned sausage now poised at his mouth.

“You know better’n mess with mah food Zen.” Niall reminded and finished off nearly half the thing in one bite.

“Oh for Pete’s sake it’s just one bloody sausage.” Harry who’d stayed out of the discussion until now couldn’t help but laugh, throwing his two cents in.

“He’s right Ni, what’s a little processed meat stuffed into an edible casing between friends?” The blonde opened his mouth to argue when Liam suddenly spoke for the first time all meal:

“Oh Zayn, here by all means have my sausage, I grabbed an extra.” Liam was quick to offer, already forking his second sausage onto the darker boy’s plate. Zayn however shook his head.

“That’s alright Liam, I was only messing with Niall, I’m not even that hungry tell the truth.”

“Ok, but are you thirsty then? Your glass looks a bit low I could go top ya off if ya like?” The look on Liam’s face as he awaited Zayn response could only be described as a puppy waiting for praise from their master for doing something right.

“Erm, that’s ok Li if I need more Sprite I’m sure I can manage it myself.” Liam’s shoulders drooped a bit but he played it off well enough by shrugging quickly before taking up his fork once more and shoveling some rice into his gob.

Zayn and Harry shared a look that clearly read: _the fuck was that?_ Come to think of it now that Harry really thought about it Liam was always doing odd things like that for Zayn lately take a couple nights ago when he surrendered his slice of chocolate cake because he knew it was Zayn’s favorite, or when they were all hanging out in Liam’s room listening to music and Zayn made an offhand comment about how much he liked Usher’s new album and Liam just gave it to him no questions asked.

While out on a weekend pass Liam bought Zayn a pack of his favorite cigarettes but of course kept them and a lighter in his room, he told Zayn to come by whenever he needed one no matter what time it was or if Liam was busy.

 For the most part Zayn had gone along with it, thinking that Liam was just being well _Liam_ but he drew the line when he opened the door of his room one morning to find Liam standing right outside their door with the intention of walking Zayn to class, even going so far as to offer to carry his books for him.

“Liam, no mate I mean if you want to walk with me to class that’s more than cool you know I love your company but you’re not carrying my books for me like I’m some chit and we’re going steady.” Liam has walked Zayn to class every morning since which is weird but not too alarming if anything Zayn chocked it down to Liam trying to lap up what little time he has with them before graduation or something.

A silence lapsed over the table after that as Liam continued to eat at an alarming speed, Harry nearly jumped as he felt something rub up against his leg and he narrowed his eyes at the blonde across from him, innocently eating yet another sausage. He not so discreetly stomped down on Niall’s other foot making him wince and retreat back to his side of the table. Zayn who was mostly trying to construct an abstract picture using his unused ketchup and mustard packets suddenly spoke up:

“You know what I’m not looking forward to doing? My laundry, I was such a lazy arse last week and like didn’t do any of it and now I have double the amount to do, when will I fucking learn right?”

“I could do them for ya Zee no problem.” Liam piped in yet again. “My mum even sent this new detergent that smells like apples and it’s amazing and I wouldn’t mind at all.”

“Damn Liam what're ya gonna offer to come wipe my arse for me next?” Zayn was obviously joking but the older boy makes a hurt sound and rises from the table, not even bothering to dump his tray he rushes from the caf back to his room.

 

“Way to be a prat, Zayn.” Harry spat, kicking him beneath the table. Zayn kicked right back.

 

“What I was just taking the piss, he’s been acting off lately, and I can’t be the only one who’s noticed.” Harry just bristled, giving Niall the opportunity to speak:

 

“I’ve noticed it too, but he only seems to be acting weird with _you_ , like he didn’t give me or Haz his extra sausage, he didn’t offer to do _our_ laundry or fill up our drink cups.” Zayn rolled his eyes.

 

“That’s because your fat arse already has three still on yer plate.” He nudged the blonde, to show he was joking.

 

“That’s beside the point he’s been acting off with you lately, going out of his way to be nice like.”

 

“You think we ought to go to Ed about it?” Harry piped, throwing a look Nick’s way. The counselor was too busy immersed in a conversation with Ellie to catch it though.

 

“And tell him what that Liam’s being super nice to Zayn? Good luck mate.”

 

“But it _is_ odd behavior right? Harry asked, making sure he wasn’t just imagining things.

“Sure but it’s not like he’s hurting anyone.” The blonde reminded.

 

“It is becoming a bit annoying though; having a Liam-shaped shadow everywhere I go, save for the shower and toilet.”

 

“Oh yeah he come to ya room to tuck you in at night?” Niall asked, smiling widely around a mouthful of sausage and rice.

 

“Not yet, but give it time and who knows.” 

 

Harry knew they were just joking but he was finding it hard to laugh along with them, because even if Liam’s actions weren’t cause for worry he still couldn’t just shrug it off like the others seemed to, something was up with their friend and  he thought they ought to at the very least talk to him about it.

 

XXX

 

On the way back to their rooms after dinner Zayn was already walking a bit ahead of them but when they reach the second floor stairwell Harry is suddenly being tugged back from the door and pushed up against the cool concrete wall.

Harry blinked surprised eyes at the small blonde and took that moment to admire his strength, for such a compact body he sure was strong, before his eyes landed on Niall’s mouth, where his lips were moving because he was speaking Harry realized and tried to focus on what it was the blonde was saying.

“—ink I’d like you to suck me off again, I’ve been thinking about those lips of yours for days now, we don’t have much time now before someone comes ’round to catch us…but maybe we could try, ya up for the challenge?”

Harry bit his lip because he really did want to, he missed being close to Niall like this but it still pissed him off that sex had to be involved for Niall to even want to be alone with him, it hurt but more than anything it made Harry determined to get Niall to look at him differently, to want more from him. So with a wide grin he brought his hands up to the blonde’s sides.

“How about a tickle fight instead?” He asked, wiggling his fingers to make the smaller boy squirm. Niall backed off so fast he nearly lost his balance in his haste.

“The fuck Haz, why do you always have to go there huh? It ruins everything.”

“Go where?” Harry asked, batting his eyelashes innocently. Niall wasn’t fooled and looked as though he was going to say something more but decided against it and instead sucks his teeth and moves towards the third floor stairs.

“Just forget it.” He mumbled petulantly, stomping up the stairs. Harry watched him go not feeling as pleased with himself as he thought as he would.

XXX

Niall stomped all the way to his room, ripping the door open, slamming it behind him and locking it for good measure. Louis who was Facebook chatting with Lottie when Niall entered with a bang watches as his roommate tramped around the room, tearing his t-shirt up over his head he throws it blindly, then shucks off his pants as well. He then hopped into bed, pulling his blanket up over his head before letting out a frustrated groan.

Typing out a quick goodbye to his sister Louis signed out of Facebook and shut his computer down for good measure before turning his attention back to his sulking friend.

“You alright there, Nialler?” He asked after a few minutes of silence ticked by.

“Just peachy.” Was the blonde’s sassy reply and Louis couldn’t help but smile, amused.

“Want ta talk about it?”

“No. Wanna sleep.” Niall mumbled sullenly and the older boy just knew he was pouting beneath that blanket and decided to try and lighten the mood a bit.

“Without brushing your teeth, gross.” Niall couldn’t help but snort despite himself and Louis smiled, self satisfied as the blanket was then torn from Niall’s face and Louis found he’d been right as he took in his mate’s pouted lips.

“It’s just Hazza.”

“Oh, are we finally going to talk about that then?” Louis asked, eyes wide ad knowing.

“What do you mean _finally_?” Niall asked, squinting his eyes at the other boy. The brunette just waved him off

“Please, you can’t think that we don’t know what’s going on between you and Harry. Liam, Zayn and I…hell I’m sure they can see what’s going on between the pair of you from bloody space!”

“Oh piss off…it’s just he frustrates me to no end Lou!”

“Believe me, I know and the feeling isn’t one sided I reckon.”

“He doesn’t get it though, that I don’t _do_ relationships…that I’m not going to wake up one morning with hearts in my eyes ready to profess my undying love for him or whatever other fucked up overly sentimental scenario he has in his head about it.”

“Don’t you fancy him even a bit though?” Louis asked, unwilling to believe that Niall was as unaffected by Harry as he was letting on.

“I fancy his dick—it’s quite nice actually long and slim like him with a—“Louis made a pained noise, bringing a hand up to cut the blonde off.

“Have you quite finished?” He asked, making Niall smirk proudly

“Yeah alright, and we’re mates yeah so I _like_ him, he’s just asking for too much from me.”

“Why is that Ni, what’re you so afraid of?” Niall narrowed his eyes over to his friend, lips pursed in an annoyed bow.

“What’re you conspiring with Cher now what is this, had me therapy session yesterday didn’t I?” The older boy nodded.

“I know and that’s not what I’m trying to do here I promise, I just don’t get where the harm would be in seeing where things could go with you two. Why is that such a bad thing in your eyes?”

Niall looked away, not wanting his friend to read the confliction on his face because he’s thought about this all himself, countless times over and over asking himself why he was fighting this so hard and each time he came up empty, or well not entirely empty, it was just that the conclusion he kept reaching was too disheartening to bear but before he could stop himself he was blurting out:

“Because _he can’t_ love me Lou.” Louis drew back, watching as Niall’s chest heaved in an effort to keep anymore confessions from spilling out.

“What?”

“No one ever has…why should he be any different?”

“Oh Niall…” Louis made a sympathetic noise in the back of his throat and moved to roll out of bed to join the blonde in his but something in the other boy’s eyes told him not to, so he settled for shooting sad eyes across the room as he listened to Niall’s choked up words:

“Me own Da wouldn’t even take me in when I had literally nowhere else to go and my mum didn’t love me enough to believe me when I told her…”

Niall cut himself off from saying too much, not ready for Louis to know all of his demons, it was bad enough that his roommate already knew about selling his body on the street, he couldn’t quite stand to have Louis look at him differently once he found out what all Drew had done to him. Luckily Louis didn’t push it.

“…the only person on this planet who genuinely loves me is my mate Josh and even he can’t love me like I want him too, like I love him.”

“Niall, you know we love you right, all of us. You have so many people here who would do anything for you, you’re kind of really hard not to love, don’t really blame Curly for falling for you at first sight.”Niall was momentarily floored, his next words coming out shakily.

“Really, he _said_ that?”

“Didn’t have to mate, anyone can see that poor boy is gone for ya.”

“I really wish he wouldn’t, it doesn’t exactly make me feel good to turn him down every time he says shit like ‘wanna have a tickle fight’ when I’m trying to get him on his knees for a hummer.”

“Oh god did he really?” Louis asked with a chuckle.

“YES!” Niall cried out, throwing his hands up in part amusement, part exasperation and at once the two fell into a fit of giggles.

“You know Harry and Zayn do this almost every night?” Louis spoke suddenly after their laughter had tampered off to faint hiccups.

“Do what?”

“This, talking before bedtime mess—they call it bedtime confessions or summat.”

“What like Taxicab confessions?” Louis slid his eyes back over to the blonde, bemused.

“And just what do _you_ know about Taxicab confessions?” Niall snorted.

“What? I did have _cable_ growing up ya know.” Louis didn’t have to see it to know Niall was rolling his eyes, could practically hear it in his voice.

“Well then, yeah it’s something like that only with less drugs and sex I imagine.”

“You _imagine_?” Louis shrugged.

“Well they _are_ both in a rehab high school so…” Niall hummed his agreement.

“Why do you think they do it then?”

“Because they’re both apparently fifteen year old girls.” The older boy guessed. “That or jaded twenty-something year old hookers, take your pick at which.”

“Huh, well if that’s indeed what we’re doing here ‘bedtime confessionals’ or whatever I’m not about to be the only one doing all the sharing…have you got anything you’d like to confess—and I must demand you make it juicy if you do.”

Niall finished with a joke, though the older boy had no doubt he was completely serious. He frowned to himself knowing that this would potentially be the perfect time to tell Niall about the newest developments between him and Zayn, or at the very least tell him about the two of them dry humping in the woods a week ago but then he remembered the agreement he and Zayn had made to keep things on the down low—hell it’d been _his_ idea. He couldn’t very well go back on his word could he?

 Besides it really would be better for the two of them to see where this all could go on their own, without their mates trying to meddle in. So instead he fixed the blonde with a smirk, bringing his arms back to fold behind his head as he smiled up at the ceiling.

“Don’t know if I can top sneaking around blowing my mate in the locker room showers and boys lavatory but…” Niall snorted loudly. “Actually I do have something I’ve been meaning to man up to.”

Niall leaned forward over the side of his bed, intrigued.

“Do’ya remember a couple of weeks ago when someone ripped a mean fart in the middle of Geography and everyone naturally blamed you? Was totally me bruh.”

“You wankbucket! What had you eaten that day? That shit was right deadly smelled like hot broccoli and boiled cabbage! Justin and Conor kept calling me Mike Blow, screaming ‘here comes the deadliest Arse’ whenever I walked into a room for three days straight!”

“Sorry mate, but fuck those gits who gives a shite what they think?”

“Sometimes I do, I know I’m supposed to be this carefree mofo but sometimes I just can’t help but care what people think.” Louis mock gasped, bringing a hand up to his chest.

“Say it isn’t so, could it be that you’re I don’t know _human_?” Niall rolled his eyes, but there was a faint smile on his face when he muttered:

“Shut up, wanker.” So Louis counted that as a win.

“No but seriously Niall it’s all good, we kind of like you a lot, just the way you are.”  Niall lie back onto his pillow with a small smile as he felt himself already drifting off to sleep, he was almost out completely when he heard Louis whisper:

“Some of us more than others.”

XXX

Harry leaves the stairwell and thinks about going straight to his room to get ready for lights out but turns to the left at the last minute, headed for Liam’s room, figuring the least he could do is see if Liam needed to talk or maybe make sure Liam knew Zayn didn’t actually mean anything by his ill timed joke.

Standing just outside Liam’s door, he knocks twice in warning before gripping the knob. He tries to turn it only to find for the first time since he’s been here at MS.

Liam’s door was locked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be lovely but not just to tell me I need to update soon bc i know, i honestly do try to update more regularly but pesky real life gets in the way 95% of the time the other 5% is just lazy but i'm working on that as is New Years Resolutions and all that lol.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I really hope you're enjoying the ride as much as i am.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for cutting  
> (poor Liam)  
> Trigger Warnings just in general because you never know with this fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves shyly* hello! So I decided to stop being a mopey asshole about my computer crashing and losing everything and just decided to give in and tried to rewrite my outline from memory but probably didn't do the best job so things have changed from what i originally intended for this story but hopefully that's not such a bed thing? I also found that it wasn't as easy as i hoped it would be to just pick up this fic bc it's been \forever/ and for that i truly do apologize, it was selfish of me and i never intend to do it again.
> 
> For anyone who hasn't completely abandoned this fic here is chapter 22!!!

Liam stood with his back pressed to the closed door, his index finger held to his lips at his roommate sat staring over at him in confusion from his bed. Liam listened for Harry’s next move and sighed in relief when he finally heard footsteps treading away from the door.

“Mind telling me what all that was about? Since when do _you_ not want to hang with one of yer mates?”  Jack asked in his usual haughty tone, sometimes Liam understood just why Louis couldn’t stand the lad.

Liam shrugged, him and his roommate got along well enough they did, he saw a side of Jack that Louis refused to see a good side, but he didn’t feel like he owed him anything just because they lived together and were friends to an extent, didn’t mean he was obligated to spill his guts every time he had an off day or summat, that was what Leona was for.

“It’s nothing just had a bit of a row at dinner, nothing a good night’s sleep can’t mend I’m sure. We’ll be good a new in the morning.”

“I should hope so, never seen such a codependent bunch as you all and so soon after meeting, ya know there’s even talk around school? Everyone swears that you all are hooking up—just switch off who fucks who.”

“Do they?” Liam asked, distracted as he reached for his toiletries kit.

“Mmhm and it doesn’t help that you lot are always breaking off into pairs and sneaking away. Not to mention ever since Styles got here Zayn’s been hanging around more often…”

“Well we’re not.” Liam finally said, cutting Jack off. The younger boy looked as if he was waiting for more, when Liam said nothing he snorted and turned back to the computer on his lap.

“Off to the showers then? So close to lights out?” With his back to his roommate Liam rolled his eyes wondering why Jack even cared all of a sudden and almost didn’t bother to answer but he knew that wouldn’t be at all like him, and doing so might alarm Jack to his recent out of character behavior. So instead he turned, gracing Jack with a smile albeit strained and shook his head.

“Just off ta brush my teeth.”

Liam prayed Jack didn’t get up and decide to join him seeing as he had no intentions whatsoever of brushing his teeth. He could already feel the calming sting of the razor cutting through his skin. He held his breath as he waited but luckily Jack didn’t even bother to look up from his laptop as he waved him off.

“Have fun, don’t forget to floss.”

Liam hurried out the door before Jack could change his mind, nearly running into what many at school called Niall’s doppelganger Hunter, a transfer all the way from Louisiana in America coming out of his own room directly across the hall. His face lit up at the sight of Liam, offering the older boy a smile and a small wave.

“Hiya Liam! Fancy meeting you here huh?” Liam didn’t even have it in him to fake a laugh so he just continued to stare at the blonde, while the razor tucked inside his bathroom kit began to sing to him, calling his name, cooing of release and reprieve from the nightmares that had recently returned. Shaking his head to clear it he nodded shortly to show acknowledgment.

“Err yeah hello Hunter.”

“Headed for the john to brush before bed?” He said eyeing Liam’s bag before holding up his own brush and toothpaste, giving them both a little shake. Liam had no choice but to nod again.

“Cool, me too. I’ve actually been meaning to corner you about the upcoming physics exam…” The older boy groaned inwardly.

“Uh ok, but can’t it wait until tomorrow?” Hunter’s face fell noticeably but he pressed on.

“I mean yeah it probably could, but I’m just so dang awful in this subject and I really don’t want to repeat next term ya know? So I want to get as much studying in as I can and I just thought with you being top of the class and all…”

 Liam sighed, he’d forgotten why Hunter was here at Mount Serenity in the first place: chronic insomnia, though initially he’d had to be detoxed off of some drug which is often the case with new admits. Liam didn’t know the exact drug name, not that it really mattered here, there were so many drugs that after a while the names just sort of bled together anyway. The insomnia diagnosis came weeks later when his roommate at the time Tom, complained of not being able to sleep because of Hunter’s computer light’s glow or because he had his music up way too loud despite him wearing headphones. Or he would talk to himself out loud, though he didn’t answer himself because he wasn’t schizophrenic, no it was more like he was going through his day like one would a diary except he was too lazy to bother with writing.

So of course the promise of sleep before hashing into their physics review wouldn’t interest Hunter because he likely wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. They had him on sleep aides for the most part but they of course didn’t want him to become dependent on them so every other night he went without and it looked like tonight was one of those nights.

Liam rushed into the bathroom without answering, headed straight to a stall and locking the door behind him, hoping that would be enough of a hint for the other boy. If Hunter thought it weird that Liam took his toiletries kit in there with him he didn’t mention it. After a few beats of silence where Liam waited for Hunter to run the water, start brushing or something he began to panic.

“So about physics…”

“Really???” Liam said with more than a touch of incredulity. “I’m sorry but I’m a little busy right now, ya think this can wait until I’m well _not_?”

“Oh sure, sure.” Liam could actually hear the embarrassment in the other boy’s voice, so there was at least that. But even though Hunter was no longer talking, the silence resumed until finally Liam sighed out loudly.

“Um, I might be awhile so…” He knew his cheeks were probably pink despite the fact that he wasn’t actually doing anything and Hunter sure as hell couldn’t see him.

“Right, well that’s ok we all gotta right?” Liam nearly stomped his foot in frustration as it looked like Hunter wasn’t going to drop the subject.

However a few seconds later Liam heard the sink turn on and the telltale sounds of teeth being brushed. Liam moved to find his razor as Hunter was spitting and rinsing, making these annoying gargling noises that made the hairs on the back of Liam’s neck stand up much like nails on a chalkboard and it was all a bit much. The water turned off quite abruptly and the bathroom was plunged back into silence and Liam truly wanted to scream.

“Ok Liam, so about this last chapter…” Liam nearly banged his head against the wall of the stall as Hunter honestly did not get the hint, sending one last longing look at his deodorant where he hid his razor, he made a whiney noise in the back of his throat and stuffed it back into his bag, giving up on finding any kind of release tonight. He stood and flushed before joining Hunter at the sinks, finding the blonde sat up on the counter legs swinging patiently.

Liam made a show of washing his hands even though he hadn’t actually done anything in the stall and silently made quick work of brushing his teeth, gesturing with the hand he wasn’t brushing with for Hunter to ask his questions.

“Gee, thanks alright so I’m pretty much tanking this class but if I can get a decent grade on this next exam Barlow says I can pass with a C-, but the thing is I just can’t seem to keep that fella Newton’s laws straight, I mean what’s he got like ten of ‘em?” Liam couldn’t help but laugh around his tooth brush. Spitting into the sink below, he turned to the blonde with his first genuine smile of the night.

“Naw mate, just three.” Hunter never missed a beat as he threw his hands up in the air and pouted.

“Well dang that’s still two _too many_ if ya ask me.” Liam threw his head back to laugh again, and then proceeded to explain the differences in each law until he felt Hunter had grasped it well enough. By the time they split off to their separate rooms, it was a little passed lights out and Liam was exhausted.

XXX

The next morning Liam shot up in bed at the sound of his alarm, ignoring Jack’s obligatory mumble of protest more than used to Liam’s morning jogs by now, but still not liking having to endure his alarm at five in the bloody morning anymore than the first time Liam warned him about it. Liam hit the off button as quickly as he could so that Jack could fall back to sleep not that he’d even fully woken up but just as a courtesy.

Stretching his arms up over his head he reached for his flashlight which he used every morning to navigate over the mess that was bound to accumulate between two teenage boys, seeking out a somewhat clean pair of joggers and a loose fitting tee, he didn’t usually worry about wearing long sleeves at this time since no one else was even up to see, not to mention he usually wore a hooded jumper that covered the scars on his arms both old and new.

Next he tip-toed around the room in search of socks and his trainers, spying his left shoe over by his dresser he moved to grab for it and nearly stumbled over something else, shining his flashlight down to the object in question he realized it was his toiletries kit, he usually liked to set it down either on top his dresser or his desk but last night he’d been too tired to bother groping around in the dark room for a clear space to put it and had simply tossed it to the floor, figuring he’d worry about it the next day.

Well it was the next day and the sight of his kit made him think about last night and how he hadn’t been able to cut like he’d wanted to, frowning he went to pick it up and put it on the dresser since he was headed that way anyway when he froze, realizing that now would be as good a time as any with the halls deserted and no one beside him crazy enough to get up at the ass crack of dawn, it would be so easy for him to sneak a quick cut in the bathroom, just small enough to take the edge off.

Decision made he unzipped the bag and took out just his deodorant, then grabbed up his iPod just in case Jack woke before he returned he’d be suspicious why Liam would go running without his beloved music. He hurried to the bathroom, locking himself away in the very same stall as last night. He quickly took his hoodie off to hang on the back of the door so he didn’t accidently get any blood on it, though he really only planned on making tiny incisions, nothing major but he figured better safe than sorry.

Sat back on the closed lid of the toilet he tried to pick the best place to cut. Arms were off limits of course, and while he usually would go for the inner thighs—he’s been cutting there a lot lately and his cuts were beginning to chafe a bit so maybe the meatier part of his side would do better today. Digging into the pocket of his hoodie for the deodorant stick he lifted the top and deodorant cake to reveal his now trusty razor, though it had begun to dull considerably he was in the process of trying to either steal another from Jack’s kit or Google how to sharpen the one he already had maybe use a rock or something, contrary to what people may think he’d never actually been in the boy scouts so the hell if he knew besides he wasn’t even entirely sure that was a skill they taught in the scouts.

Shrugging he lifted his shirt, bunching it beneath his armpits as he brought the razor up to his side, hand steady with practiced ease, matching his breathing however was not as easy but he managed to hold his breath as he made that first slice, wincing because he’s never cut there before but it doesn’t take long for that familiar sense of relief to hit him as he felt his blood trickle out of him and didn’t hesitate to make another identical nick right below the first one, slowly releasing his breath as he shut his eyes, picturing Andy’s look of approval reminding him why he was doing this, why he _needed_ it so bad:

_You **deserve** this Li_

_You almost **let** yer mate drown_

_It was all **your** fault _

_He was **your** canoe buddy_

**_You_ ** _were suppose to have his back_

_All **your** fault_

Liam let a sob slip from his lips as he made a third cut, beginning to rock back and forth without realizing it as Andy’s words really hit him, echoed around in his head as reminders of how he’d fucked up, how they could’ve lost Zayn, and most importantly how _he_ was responsible for it all.

One more, he just needed one more cut and he’d be able to make it through the day but as he pressed the blade to his skin the bathroom door slammed open and someone made a loud satisfied noise as they stretched their hands up to the bathroom ceiling. Liam jumped at the sound which sent the razor in much deeper then intended and he just stopped himself from crying out in pain, instead he sucked both lips into his mouth and bit down hard but still ended up making a gruff grunting noise.

The intruder, who had shuffled into a stall a couple down from his lifted the toilet loudly and began pissing, his stream stopped abruptly at Liam’s noise.

“Oi someone in here? Thought I was the only one insane enough to be up at this hour…though we are sorta in the nuthouse ain’t we?” The mystery lad chuckled at his own joke as he began pissing again.

“Good morning to ya all the same.” He finished speaking through a yawn.

Liam managed to grunt again in acknowledgment but couldn’t do much else in fear of whimpering pathetically because his side was throbbing painfully now, long gone was the feeling of euphoria of earlier. Now his side just stung like a bitch, hurting more than helping and feeling as though his wound was on fire or summat.

He quickly shoved his razor into the pocket of his hoodie before gathering wads of toilet roll in an effort to stop the bleeding enough to make it back to his room where he had a basic first aid kit that his mum had sent him a few months ago _just in case_.

The wound has soaked through the tissue by the time his company is done, hands washed and out the door without another word. Liam sighs in relief, wincing as he pulls the toilet paper away from his cut and it sticks a bit. The gash is pretty big but the blood isn’t gushing as much now so he stands and tosses the wad down into the toilet before tearing off another clump of paper to press hard into his wound once more, grateful that he’d grabbed a dark t-shirt off the floor. He carefully covers the wound and returns his hand to apply pressure now through the thick cotton of his shirt.

He can’t be bothered to try and get his hoodie back on over his head so he just grips it in the hand not pressed to his side and sneaks out the bathroom, thankfully the halls are empty allowing him to slip back into his dorm room without incident. Once in his room he makes quick work of cleaning his wound, biting down on an old belt that doesn’t even fit him anymore as he rubs ointment to prevent infection so as not to risk waking Jack whose alarm should be going off in mere minutes.

He knows he’s taking a huge chance that Jack could roll over and catch him in the act and he had no doubt that his roommate would be up to find whoever was on hall duty first and ask questions second not only because he cared about Liam on some level but because there was a strict see something, say something policy at Mount Serenity and the consequence of looking the other way or not reporting abuse whether it be substance abuse, self mutilation or the harming of others was not worth the trouble and honestly Jack was a bit of a pussy anyway.

But luckily the bleeding has stopped for the most part, his cut is just very open and susceptible to infection, which is his biggest concern at this point and unfortunately none of the plasters in his kit are appropriate size, he doesn’t want to waste the one that might do right now with all the ointment he’s applied it would just ruin the adhesive side of the plaster. He’s just pulled a dark green jumper from his dresser and over his head, carefully pulling it down over his torso as Jack’s alarm goes off and the younger lad yawns obnoxiously loud, stretching his arms until he hears a pop.

“Morning  Liam.” He mumbles out of the corner of his mouth as he forces himself to sit up. Liam groans inwardly because trading small talk with his roomie is one of the last things he’d like to be doing right now, but again not wanting to raise any red flags or give Jack any reason to question his sudden behavior he forces a smile.

“Uh, yeah good morning mate.” Jack yawns again and walks towards the door, no doubt headed to the loo, scratching his arse as he goes. Liam rolls his eyes and grabs up his school bag knowing that Jack will expect him to be gone but the time he returns, off to the cafeteria for breakfast only he’s still sort of avoiding his mates, so he forgoes the caf and heads straight into the academics building knowing Barlow always came to work at least an hour before classes began and wouldn’t mind Liam slipping into his seat a bit early.

XXX

The day is passing by seamlessly as he finds it easy to avoid his mates seeing as he only shares one class with them, which would bring him to his current predicament. Standing outside his Geography course, he’s already late enough that Walsh has begun his lesson for the day and he contemplates going in now, seeing as there wouldn’t be much room for talking because for an old bat Mr. Walsh had almost bat-like hearing and could pick up even the lowest of whispers and wouldn’t hesitate to send the whisperer to Cowell’s office.

But he also knew his friends and knew that they’d find a way to corner him after class before he could rush out the room and he just really didn’t want to deal with that, not to mention his side still ached and he could feel a damp patch forming on his shirt where it occasionally rubbed against his wound, which he really hoped was just a bit of ointment rubbing off on it and not because his wound had become aggravated to the point of bleeding again.

In the end he took a deep breath and turned on his heel, headed to Leona’s office under the guise of needing an early therapy sesh, which was the pretty much the only acceptable excuse for missing class other than deathly illness.

XXX

Harry was officially worried.

It started when he went to Liam’s room  the other night only to find the door locked, that was bad enough but then for him to skip breakfast to? Harry was more than worried and he tried to talk to Louis about it but the older boy just scoffed waving him off because:

“It’s _Liam_ Hazza, if there’s anyone in this hellhole who doesn’t need to be constantly worried over its ol’ Payno.”

That hadn’t reassured Harry in the least but he dropped it after several minutes of trying to reason with Louis and getting nowhere. He’ll admit he was a bit tempted to just let the subject go after all Louis has known Liam a lot longer than him but then he realized that maybe that was the _problem_. Louis was so set in his ways, clinging so tightly to the image of Liam he’s built for himself as this strong—closest thing to normal person that he couldn’t allow himself to see him differently—to take Liam off the pedestal he’d placed him on long ago.

So Harry coming in with new eyes and a new opinion of the lad, he was better able to see that there was something amiss, that Liam was so obviously going through something that he either didn’t think he needed help with or worse he didn’t want to bother his friends with—because he was usually played the role of the _helper_ the one who was always there to solve the problems his mates were going through, perhaps he didn’t _know how_ to be the one to ask for help, to be the one in need.

With this realization Harry was determined to corner Liam, but with their class schedules so different this was no easy task especially as it seemed that the older lad was pretty hell bent on avoiding him. However he knew there was one place Liam couldn’t evade him and that was third period Geography, the only class they all shared with the senior.

You can imagine his surprise and frustration when Walsh is already fifteen minutes into the lecture and Liam still had yet to arrive. Harry shot Louis a look and finally the older boy seemed to look uneasy, chewing his bottom lip as he glanced at the door periodically throughout the lecture, willing his mate to walk through the door just so that Harry’s speculations weren’t right because Liam has unwittingly become somewhat of a hero for Louis, which he knew wasn’t fair—knew Liam had his demons just as they all did but he just handled all the bullshit so well and came out on the other side the least scathed of them all, so it scared him a bit, as selfish as it may be, that the thought that even Liam his own personal superman could be broken—it was a bit unnerving because then what hope was there for him for getting better.

The bell rang and as the two were packing up Louis waited for Harry to come over to sigh dejectedly.

“Think you were right something’s definitely up with him, Liam never misses class…do you think he’s just ill or?”

“I don’t know; reckon we’ll find out at lunch?”

“Yeah, if he shows up then we’ll know he just bunked off class but if he’s not then he might just be sick and you’ve had us worrying for nothing.” Louis said hopefully. “Is it bad that I’m really hoping his just sick?”

“No, Louis it’s really not.” Harry’s mouth snapped shut as he felt a heavy arm sling itself across his shoulders, he can tell the arm belongs to Niall just from the way he has to duck down slightly to accommodate for their height difference

“You lads over here whispering about Leemo’s sudden disappearance act or planning a secret rendezvous?” Harry rolled his eyes while Louis laughed.

“I’d be so lucky but I don’t think I’m his type, goes for much _greener_ pastures and all that.” Harry tried to elbow Louis in the side but missed as the older lad danced out of reach.

“Alright but seriously what’s up with Liam?”

“No idea, Lou’s hoping he’s just feeling poorly or something.”

“Yeah, makes sense—s’not like ‘im to miss class ya’know?” Both boys nodded and they all headed off to their next class.

XXX

“Harry wait up!” Someone called out to him from the locker room; Harry froze mid step and waited, it wasn’t long before Tyler rounded the corner, a huge grin on his face as he joined Harry on the steps that lead back up to the gym. Harry couldn’t help but eye the blonde’s uniform figuring he’d chosen both his shirt and shorts in extra small given how obscenely tight they were.

“Hey Tyler what’s up mate?”

“Oh nothing, just thought we could maybe pair up in class today seeing as its Badminton week and all?” He said, setting a friendly hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“Um sure whatever.”

“Cool beans, I’ll see you up there then.” He finished with a wink and a quick squeeze to Harry’s shoulder before he proceeded to jog up the stairs, putting an extra sway to his hips—the pale cheeks of his arse practically hanging out of his tiny gym shorts causing Harry to shake his head.

Harry followed shortly after to find Tyler waiting for him with two rackets and a birdie in hand. He sees that the blonde has claimed a spot of net that was not too far from where Niall and this Scottish kid named Foster were already playing and made his way over to him. Overly pleased when he felt the familiar weight of blue eyes tracking his every step, that is until Foster suddenly cried out:

“Aye, mate that’s double points for me because you’re too busy eye fucking Styles to pay attention.”

“Fuck off Fuzz, I’ll show you I can eye fuck Styles, dance an Irish jig, figure out the square root of 69 for Drake and still spank your arse! Now I believe its yer serve turd burger.” Harry couldn’t help but snort his laughter, even if he refused to meet Niall’s eyes, just ducked onto his side of the net, taking the racket Tyler held out to him. Tyler serves and for a bit it’s just good clean fun, there’s not much to badminton in his opinion and he and Tyler both seems evenly matched as far as skill.

Then Tyler starts in with the comments, about Harry’s good form and how it should be illegal the way Harry makes their required gym uniforms look so damn delicious. Harmless little flirting that Harry really shouldn’t encourage because while Tyler is an ok sort Harry just isn’t remotely interested in him, but he can’t deny the thrill that goes through him when he notices how upset Niall is by Tyler’s comments.

“Oh honey child is this the one that’s got Ty-Ty’s panties all in a wad?” Tyler says suddenly and it’s clear he’s not talking to Harry, that it’s not even Tyler speaking but one of his personalities and he suddenly feels a bit naked under the hungry gaze.

“Yep, that’s him isn’t he just lovely?”Tyler speaks taking on a more childlike tone, eyes wide and innocent.

“That’s not the word I would use, the word I would use starts with the letter F and sounds like fuckable mmhm.”

“Glozell! That childlike tone chastises.

“Amen sistah”

“Kingsley!”

I’ll see you’re fuckable and raise you a shot of _get in me_!”

“Mamrie!”

“Oh hush Zoe; you’re ruining all of our fun!”  Harry doesn’t know what to do, whether they should even continue playing as he watches Tyler carry a full conversation with himself. Then as if nothing had happened Tyler blinks and somehow Harry knows he’s back when he smiles cheekily at Harry.

“Oh sweetness I know I’m gorgeous but please pick your jaw up off the floor, remember we’re being graded on this.” Harry can’t help but laugh and serve the birdie over the net.

XXX

Faking a panic attack brought on by a nightmare he’d had the night before—which wasn’t a _complete_ lie but still wasn’t the real reason he stopped in to see her, Leona agrees to let Liam bunk off the rest of his classes since it’s not something he usually asks of her and instead invites him to spend the last few school periods in her office doing school work while Justin Timberlake’s 20/20 experience plays softly in the background.

When he is done he helped her tidy up around her office and before he knows it it’s time for him to go back to the dorms.

Which is the exact moment he’s been dreading for the last hour because he knows there’s a good chance that one if not all of his friends will either be in his room waiting for him or standing outside his door demanding he explain himself which he really doesn’t want to do, doesn’t even really know how he would—what would he say? He had no clue but what he was sure of was that they wouldn’t understand. All this time he thought he wanted them to care, to notice that he was acting different, but now that it was a reality he sort of wishes they’d go back to being self absorbed ass hats.

Deciding not to prolong the inevitable he bids Leona goodnight, knowing she was one of the few counselors that didn’t live on campus and therefore he wouldn’t be seeing her at dinner, she waves him out and he trudges his way across campus to the boy’s dormitory.  

It turns out he had nothing to worry about the hallway around his door is vacant and when he shoulders his door open he finds nothing but an empty room and again he’s torn between being relieved and resentful that he friends still didn’t seem to notice. With his shoulders slumped he discarded his bag and threw himself onto his bed, pulling his laptop onto his chest he waited patiently for it to boot up figuring he’s check his mail or Facebook thinking that if he maybe had something from his parents or sister waiting for him, asking him how he was that would be enough to hold him over until his friends finally found a clue, just to know someone cared about him that could be enough.

He doesn’t find any messages or emails waiting for him sadly but he does see he’s been tagged in Ruth’s latest status and clicks on the notification which directs him to her page where he finds the status: _Throwback Thurstday!!!_ Right above an old picture of him at around seven dressed up in Ruth and Nicola’s clothes, wearing a bit of makeup and their mum’s pearls. He looks rather ridiculous and can’t help but chuckle at the memory and it feels like way too long since the last time he had an honest, genuine laugh, not at all faked or forced.

XXX

Zayn pumped his fist in the air when he found out his weekly appointment with Tulisa was pushed to tomorrow on account of Cowell calling a staff meeting and just about ran from the main building to his room, thinking a little cat nap was in order.

Only Jack Harries finds him in the stairwell halfway up to the second floor. Zayn can’t help but groan inwardly because this is the last thing he needs—not knowing how to let the younger lad know things were done between them, now that he and Louis were doing whatever it was they were doing— _boyfriends_ Louis had said, a happy little shiver goes through him at the thought that Louis was his even if only behind closed doors, so there was no way in hell he would risk losing that to fuck around with Harries for a fag here and there.

To his surprise Jack doesn’t immediately drop to his knees like he was oft to do whenever they found themselves alone together.

“Hey Zayn can I talk to for a mo?” He says instead, looking a bit nervous.

“Uh sure, vas happenin?” Jack snickered at the trademark greeting before reaching for one of Zayn’s hands which he then proceeded to pat sympathetically.

“I just wanted to break it to you gently but I’m going to have to break our arrangement…what you walked in on the other day between me and George it’s kind of a thing now, like a serious-type thing? He’s going to try and make an honest boy out of me or summat and that means no sucking off gorgeous bad boys in exchange for cigarettes unfortunately, though I am really going to miss yer cock.”

Zayn deflated in relief but tried not to show it, pulling a put upon face, lip jutted out in a pout as he pretended that that wasn’t the best fucking thing he’s ever heard in his life.

“That sucks mate, I’m surely going to miss that magic mouth of yours, but I understand I suppose…wouldn’t want to stand in the way of budding love would now I?” Jack made a surprised choking sound.

“Whoa there, _love_? Not—not quite there yet but maybe? Anyway thanks for understanding and uh here, a parting gift for you…you’ll just have to find someone to light ‘em for ya.” Jack said, handing Zayn a brand new pack of cigarettes.

“You don’t have to…” He started to protest even as he shoved the pack into his pocket. Jack shrugged.

“I don’t smoke, I only bought them for bargaining purposes and now that our deals off I have no real use for them.” Zayn nodded.

“Could sell them to kids individually for dosh…” Jack shrugged again.

“Naw, that’s alright you keep em and uh I’ll see you around yeah?” Zayn rolled his eyes and smiled.

“Sure, we do go to the same school and you’re roommates with one of my best friends, think we’ll cross paths again.” He finished with a wink that had the younger boy blushing a bit before he turned and left Zayn standing there amused.

XXX

Liam stayed on Facebook for a while after that scrolling through Ruth’s older posts, finding himself smiling fondly and laughing more than he would’ve thought because Ruth sense of humor was terrible but she’s posted a few funny memes and _you know you’re a 90’s kid when_ ’s that had him practically rolling on his bed. It also made him a bit sad, missing her like crazy but he knew it was for the best so he tried not dwell on those feelings for too long.

His good mood is short lived however when there’s suddenly a knock at the door and he sucks in a quick breath as the door is slowly pushed open to reveal his roommate—not one of his mates then. Jack grinned hesitantly over at him as he entered.

“Just knocking to make sure you’re decent.” Liam couldn’t help but snort.

“Since when? You love nothing more than catching me with my shirt off or trousers down—though it hasn’t happened in a while.” Jack sighed wistfully.

“Yeah that’s true but I’m a taken bloke these days so…”Liam’s head snapped up in surprise.

“Wait what, taken? Are you and Zayn a, a _thing_ now?” It was Jack’s turn to look shocked.

“Zayn? No…fuck I _wish!_ No I’m dating George Shelley actually, it’s all still pretty new but we’re trying this whole boyfriends thing out.”

“Well congratulations mate! Good for you.” Liam said and was surprised that he didn’t even have to fake his enthusiasm for his roomie.

“Thanks mate, speaking of my new boyfriend…” He trailed off hurrying to his bedside table to reach into the drawer there and coming up with a condom that had Liam raising an eyebrow.

“He’s waiting for me in the handicapped bathroom of the academics building” Jack finished, waggling his eyebrows. Liam shook his head in amusement but watched him go. He was about to start up a game of Sims with nothing else to do when there was another knock at the door and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Forget something? Lube maybe?” He chuckled at his own joke until he looked to find not Jack but Niall standing in the doorway.

“Uh, don’t know what I’d be needing with that but…” The Irishman said with a grin. Liam gulped, so this was really happening then, he wasn’t really surprised that his friends would send Niall in to talk to him first; he was the most disarming of the lot—nearly impossible to be cross at and all.

“No, no I thought you were Jack, uh come in?”

“Oh right, I passed him in the hall he whistling to himself and looked happier than a bloody lark.”

“Getting laid’ll do that to you or so I’ve heard.”

“Yeah? Who’s the lucky lad?”

“Yer mate Georgie actually.”

“That right, good on him then!”

“Right so...”

“So how’re you feeling today mate? Missed ya in class, you caught yerself a bug or summat? Should I be keeping my distance from your contagious arse?”

“What? Oh yeah, not contagious just a poor stomach.” Niall raised an incredulous eyebrow.

“And they let you miss classes just like that? Only you Payno, only you would get that kind of special treatment, you know the rest of us would’ve been forced to chug Pepto and sent back to class right?” Liam shrugged, anxiously.

“Yeah, I know so is that it just come to see if I were on my deathbed or?” He asked, hopefully.

“Not quite, it was first priority yeah but I also wanted to ask you for a favor.”

“Oh yeah?” Liam was confused now, because this intervention wasn’t going at all like he imagined.

“Yeah a little birdie tells me that tomorrow is Harry’s 17th birthday and I was planning to score him a little party favor…you know X and I just wanted to give ya a heads up as the most responsible of us, so you’re prepared in case you have to play babysitter, don’t worry I’ll give it to him after classes of course “

And there it is, the real reason Niall was here, not to help him at all but to ask him to play daddy to them as usual. He can’t help but snort bitterly because he really should’ve known better than to get his hopes up that his friends finally pulled their heads out of their own asses to pay him any mind. But the truth of the matter is he would never be able to live with himself if anything were to actually happen to Harry, not after he failed so spectacularly at protecting Zayn so he pastes on a smile and nods.

“Sure, yeah…Harry on X will probably be a laugh to see.”

“I know right! Well I’m glad to see you’re not on your deathbed and we definitely need to get together this weekend and jam yeah? I’ll bring me ‘tar down and play for ya, I’ve just learned how to play an acoustic version of that new tune ‘Don’t worry child’ its sick man!” He said already up and at the door. Liam mumbled his agreement.

“I’ll see you in a bit at dinner, don’t think I really have to say this but like don’t tell Harry my plan yeah? Wanna surprise him.”

“Sure, sounds good. I’ll see ya.” The blonde fixed Liam with a cheesy grin and bounced out the room much in the same cheery fashion he’d entered.

Liam couldn’t help it, he groaned loud and long out of frustration punching at his poor pillow until the tears finally came.

XXX

Zayn walked into his room to see Louis and Harry huddled close together on the curly boy’s bed, whispering and took a moment to frown as a pang of jealously went through him, forgetting that there was absolutely nothing going on between the two of them he fixed them both with a cold glare when they finally looked up, noticing him. Harry smiled and beckoned him inside while Louis just returned his glare.

“What’re you doing back so soon, don’t you have therapy today?”

“Got pushed to tomorrow because of a staff meeting hope I’m not interrupting anything.” He said, in a tone that implied that he thought there was more going on here than meets the eye. Louis snorted.

“As a matter of fact Hazza was just about to bend me over the desk and have at it, didya wanna watch?” Harry’s mouth dropped open in horror as he hastily made to correct the older lad.

“Louis! God no, Zayn…there’s nothing going on here, you know I’m not, that I fancy…” Zayn’s frown only deepened.

“Yeah well, it’s not like yer really making much progress there are ya…wouldn’t blame you if you went for Tomlinson in the mean time everyone knows he’s a sure thing.” Louis' eyes lit with a heat that could rival the sun.

“Why you revolting little cocksucker…”

“Louis can we please focus…Zayn we were just discussing Liam’s odd behavior of late and what we mean to do about it.” Zayn’s frown finally melted away at the mention of his mate, who he’d been distressed about since the night before when Liam stormed off after dinner.

“To be honest what I think we ought to do is tell someone, this could be a bit over our heads you know?” Louis shot him a doubtful look.

“Don’t be silly this is _Liam_ he’s probably just feeling a bit ill is what I keep telling Harry.” Zayn shook his head.

“Naw man I think it’s more serious than that—the way he’s been acting, being all up my arse and everything lately.” The older boy crossed his arms over his chest.

“Oh so because Liam likes being around his _mates_ he’s got to be right barmy makes perfect sense, thank you ever so much for enlightening us there Malik.”

Zayn rolled his eye. “I’m just saying it’s out of character and that he may need to talk to someone.”

“Well why can’t _we_ be that someone?” Harry reasoned, before Louis could cut in with something antagonistic.

“Because we’ve already been down this road with Tomlinson remember, tried giving our own intervention and you see how well _that_ turned out. He’s still as thin as ever isn’t he?” Louis held up a hand to hush him.

“Firstly the intervention was about me hanging around with Max George which I’ve stopped not my weight, and secondly me thin?” He snorted. “Sure when my thighs literally give a round of applause with every step I take! But no you’re right I’m practically a skeleton.” He sniffed clearly agitated.

“Louis no that’s not what he meant at all, we know you’re doing your best but right now we’re focusing on Liam yeah…I reckon we all just watch him at dinner tonight, make note all the differences we notice and then meet back here to decide what course of action to take, maybe Zayn is right maybe telling someone—Ed or Grimmy perhaps might be the best thing but we’re not to push him alright, whatever we do we’ll decide after all four of us have agreed, egos aside we need to think about what’s best for Liam right?”

Both Louis and Zayn hang their heads and nod, reminding Harry of a pair of reprimanded children but somehow still manage to trade sneers when they thought Harry wasn’t looking making the younger boy sigh in exasperation.

“Seriously guys you can‘t give it a rest for even a minute?” Zayn opened his mouth to blame everything on Louis who was already pointing an accusing finger at the darker boy. Harry shook his head.

“I don’t know about you all but I’m heading down to dinner early—I can’t deal with the two of you right now fuck!”

“Well I’ve got to email my mum something right quick so I’ll uh meet you there?”

“That’s fine, Lou you coming?” Louis snorted.

“What’s the alternative stay here with him? Not bloody likely _of course_ I’m coming.”

The two of them leave the room and get all the way to the stairs before Louis suddenly snaps his fingers, feigning having forgotten something in his room, luckily Harry is too distracted by Niall leaving Liam’s room to ask him what. The blonde smiles at them and asks if they’re headed to eat and lights up when Harry nods.

“I’ll be right behind you, just gonna pop into our room for tick.” Louis explains though he really needn’t have even bothered as the other two completely ignored him, already lost in conversation about John Mayer’s version of _Free Falling_ versus Tom Petty’s original.

Louis listened to their voices fade until they’d left the building completely before he backtracks, practically running back to Harry and Zayn’s room, busting through the door to find Zayn already shirtless and waiting.

"We've gotta be quick." Louis hisses, throwing his own shirt aside and pouncing on Zayn without further warning, kissing him so hard they both fall back onto the bed.

 

They snog like that for a bit before shoving their hands down each other’s pants for a hurried mutual wank before supper.

 

“Babe what you said before.” He paused to gasp into the slighter boy’s mouth when thumbed the head of his cock just right “about your thighs.”

 

Louis made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, bucking his hips into Zayn’s fist needing more and not really appreciating the distraction.

 

“Doesn’t fuck, doesn’t matter alright? How are you even talking right now am I not doing a good job or?” Zayn shook his head almost frantically.

 

“No fuck you’re doing—you feel amazing, I just bloody fuck…I just want you to know…”

 

“Oh for fucks sake what?”

 

"Gorgeous, you’re gorgeous…lo-love yer thighs." Zayn said, caressing one of the thighs in question through Louis' pants with the hand not fisted around his cock. Louis whimpered at the genuine tone and without warning he came with Zayn not far behind.

 

Louis collapsed down onto the bed beside Zayn, one thigh slung over Zayn’s legs while the two of them caught their breath, Zayn ran a hand up and down Louis' thigh without even thinking, making the older boy practically purr in contentment that is until he shift just slight to get comfortable and noticed the indistinct wet spot on his jeans, though small—still questionable and pulled a face.

 

“That’s it, this doesn’t happen again unless we have the time to get proper naked. This is the third time now that I’ve gotten my own jizz on me jeans and the madness ends here.” Zayn snorted.

 

“Hm, you’ll get no arguments from me; reckon I’d like to finally seen that bum of yours properly.” Zayn hummed, reaching over to cup Louis' oh so tempting arse to give it a squeeze, Louis moved into the touch without thinking.

 

“Oh fuck off before you get me going again, you know we don’t have enough time for another round.” Zayn ignored him, giving his arse another squeeze making Louis moan and swat him weakly on the shoulder.

 

“Tosser.”

 

“Wanker.”

 

They both laughed but it was Zayn who shook his head in awe.

 

“God why does that sound so much like _I like you_ now, was it always like that and we were just too daft to see it?”

 

“Was for me.” Louis confessed with a nonchalance the other boy didn’t quite believe.

 

“Me too.”  He countered; shooting Louis this soft look, trying to assure him it was ok to be vulnerable with him. Louis' eyes widened at the sight and all at once he was sitting up.

 

“Guess we ought to get to dinner then before the boys grow suspicious.”  He announced already doing up his trousers.

 

“Yeah.” Zayn agreed “besides I’m starving.”

 

“You sound like Niall, but I suppose I could go for a tea but that’s about it.” Louis started to say but was interrupted by his own growling stomach.

 

They both froze and suddenly Zayn was laughing.

 

“Seems your tummy says differently.” Louis was still frozen staring down at his stomach as if betrayed. “Lou babe you alright?” Louis blinked his eyes up to meet Zayn’s.

 

“What? Yeah, I’m fine it’s just it hasn’t done _that_ in a while.”

 

“What, growl?”

 

“Yeah I mean after years of depriving myself of food my body’s kind of just given up you know? Stopped wanting food in some kind of subdued compliance, stopped wanting for more.”

 

 “Well That’s good then isn’t it, means you’re on the right track to getting better, the fact that your body wants to eat again…now we’ve just got to get that knob of yours to agree.” Zayn teased, Louis nodded but he wasn’t laughing.

 

“That’s gonna be the hard part, always has been.” Zayn moved forward to tug Louis into his arms, wrapping him up as the smaller boy snuffled his nose into his neck.

 

“We’ve got time Lou, you’ll get there. I’m not going anywhere”

 

XXX

 

Dinner is in a word: awkward.

It’s clear now more than ever that there’s something going on with Liam. He’s barely eaten a thing on his plate for one thing and he’s said not a single word to anyone for another. He won’t even meet Harry’s is the thing no matter how hard the younger lad tries.

The truth is Liam’s still cross with Zayn for last night; he doesn’t even know why he’s sitting with them tonight actually since Louis' is right there, furthermore why isn’t Louis shooing him off? Sure he doesn’t exactly look _pleased_ to have Zayn sat with them but he’s not even said a single snarky thing all meal.

Liam reckons it’s just as well, he doesn’t really feel up to dealing with Louis and having already been disappointed once tonight by Niall he doesn’t trust Harry not to make him feel even worse about it all, deciding he’s done wishing they’d care –doesn’t even want their help anymore.

Louis is absolutely convinced now that there’s something off with his mate, when they’re nearly done eating and Liam’s not tried to sneak an extra meatball on his plate, doesn’t even remark about all the spaghetti Louis' eaten, reigning his usual praise and encouragement on him for the three nibbles of garlic bread he’s managed—Liam his own personal cheerleader looked like he couldn’t care less if Louis took ten bites or none at all, he just didn’t give a shit and that was a very harsh and painful realization to reach.

He and Harry discreetly meet eyes across the table and Louis' shoulders sag as he nods reluctantly.His only consolation was that Harry didn’t look any happier at being proven right than Louis.

As expected Liam is quick to duck away from them the first chance he gets, going off to his room most like without a word to the others. The remaining four all gather in Zayn and Harry’s room. Louis rushing in immediately, pacing the length of Harry’s bed and back again.

“That was the weirdest thing I’ve ever had to sit through in m entire life, I just wanted to grab him for a cuddle and never let go, but he looked so angry and hurt and every other emotion that has no business being on his face, not Liam’s.”

“Yeah I agree, that was awful.” Zayn mumbled from his seat on his bed. Harry nodded his agreement.

“So what’re we going to do about it?” Louis shrugged.

“I still say intervention, if we go to a counselor he’ll feel betrayed and possibly backed into a corner.” Zayn frowned in annoyance at Louis'' stubbornness.

“Ok but if we do it on our own and end up only making things worse, that could spook him into withdrawing altogether, closing himself off to everyone…believe me I know.” Harry wanted to delve deeper because it was so rare that Zayn offered pieces of himself so freely but then Niall was speaking from his seat on Zayn’s desk, legs swinging as if he hadn’t a care in the world.

“What are you lads even on about Liam seemed fine when I talked to him in his room earlier.” The others all roll their eyes and pretty much ignore the blonde, because he could be quite oblivious without meaning to.

“He’s not fine Niall, were you even there with us at dinner?”

“Yeah, so he was a bit quieter than normal s'no big deal, he’s got a stomach bug is all…I’m sure we’ve all been there before.” Harry can’t help but roll his eyes harder.

“Is that what he told you, he has a stomach bug? Because it’s definitely more than that, if he wasn’t lying to you altogether just to get you to back off that is.” Niall frowned, narrowing his eyes at the taller boy.

“Liam wouldn’t, he’s never lied to me.” Louis nodded in understanding, he’d felt the same way not an hour ago but now he couldn’t deny it anymore.

“Yeah well, he’s not acting very _Liam like_ at all as of late so don’t take it personal if it turns out he did lie alright? It’s not Liam who’d done it; it was uh, _Bizarro-_ Liam.” Zayn’s head whips over to look at Louis then, mouth open in shock.

“Bizarro…did you; did you just make a superman reference?”

“Yeah what of it?” Louis asked, raising his chin in Zayn’s direction, as if daring him to say something.

Zayn in turn mumbled something under his breath about Louis being a nerd but Louis knew better and just caught the pleased smile before the darker boy could hide it.

“So it’s settled then, we’ll talk to him, not as an intervention per se but just as his concerned mates keep it all rather casual but also let him know we know something is up and that we’re here for him sound good?” The other three made noises of agreement causing a satisfied smile to break out across Harry’s face.

“Cheers, so we’ll do it tomorrow after classes then?” Zayn and Louis nodded without having to think about it but it was Niall who suddenly raised his hand as if he were in class a panicked look on his face.

“No! Uh I think if we’re gonna do this we should do it Saturday, that way we can devote the whole day to helping him no?” Harry tilted his head in thought.

“Uh, sure that’ll work everyone alright with that?” Again Louis and Zayn nodded and Harry grinned, miming a judge beating his or her gavel by dropping a closed fist into the open palm of his other hand, calling the meeting to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew so this chapter was a bit on the lengthy side huh? but i figure it's the least i could do for the hella long wait right? Hope it didn't disappoint!!!
> 
> <3 Jen


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Drug use  
> Sorry Zouis fans this chapter is mostly Harry/Liam centric

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I just want to say that I have never been on E or any drug for that matter stronger than weed haha or been around anyone who has been so I just googled the average effects of E and coupled that with Harry's personlity and yes it may be very exaggerated, but that was done for my own (and hopefully yours) amusement so yeah with that in mind read this chapter with a grain of salt maybe? It is only fiction right?
> 
> ps this story is now on wattpad but some of the more graphic chapters were made priivate so you have to follow me to read them but i know it's easiier to read stories on your cell there so yeah ziallhearteyes if you're inerested :)

The next day the boys all try and act as normal around Liam as possible, not wanting to clue him into their plans for Saturday. So they leave him be, acting as if there’s nothing odd about the way he distances himself from them, sitting quietly with an empty desk between him and Louis during geography while Louis and Aiden whisper about how bloody fit they both think Tom Hiddleston was and near debauched things they’d let him do to them. Liam mostly ignored them and that was fine, or not really but no one seemed to be reacting to his cold shoulder routine which was both a relief and wearisome for obvious reasons.

At last the final school bell rang and as usual the students all rushed from Spanish class leaving Harry to lag a bit, taking his time packing up mostly because he spotted Niall’s blonde tipped head waiting for him out in the hallway through the door’s tiny window. Things between them weren’t much better—but thanks to the more pressing issue with Liam the pair of them have reached a sort of truce, pushing the shit between them to the side for the time being so that they could focus on their mate but Harry still intended to try his damndest to chisel away at the Irish lad’s emotional walls, knowing there’s got to be something deeper there that’s keeping Niall from letting him in, because he sees it sometimes in the way the blonde will look at him and certainly in his touch and yet Niall won’t admit that there could be more between them –that he may even _want_ there to be and Harry was convinced the reason why had very little to do with _him_.

With nothing left to shove in his bag, Harry waved to senorita Minogue and slipped out the classroom door. Niall however is nowhere to be found, shrugging Harry starts off down the hall only to cry out as the Irish lad suddenly lounges out from the shadows landing on Harry’s back, startling him to the point that he nearly drops the blonde on his arse.

“Ni—what the fuck man?”

“Happy birthday Hazza!” Niall coos into his ear and Harry actually has to think for a moment and almost drops Niall a second time when he realizes that yes it was. He’d been so focused on the Liam issue, the crap going on with him and Niall and basically everything else that his life has become since enrolling here at MS that he’d completely forgotten his own birthday, he was officially seventeen.  

“Thanks I guess.” He mumbled, still a bit shocked, but then shakes his head because.

“Wait, how do _you_ know?” Niall ignores him, never one to share any of the tricks up his sleeve and instead forces Harry’s head around to pull him in for a snog and Harry’s eyes widen, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise because for one they’re in the middle of the hallway where anyone could see them  which Niall normally didn’t do, and for another there’s a random tablet being passed from the blonde’s tongue to his and without thinking he swallows it dry to get rid of the bitter taste and nearly moans as Niall deepens the kiss—and it’s different from any other kiss they’ve shared prior despite the horrible angle of their necks that they’ll both probably regret later. Niall has both hands cupped at the sides of Harry’s face keeping him there while his legs squeeze tight around Harry’s middle to  keep from slipping off his back, their tongues sliding against each other lazily as if they had all the time in the world, and it’s sort of wonderful.

Things are just growing a bit desperate; with Harry nibbling on Niall’s bottom lip as his fingertips dig desperately into the thighs around his waist, trying to deepen the kiss even further when the Irish lad finally draws back with a husky laugh.

“Nuh uh, we’ve got no rush yeah? Let that baby kick in and then we can really have some fun.” He promised, nipping at Harry’s ear one last time before sliding down off his back.

Harry watched him go with his jaw lying somewhere on the ground, wondering if there would ever be a time where he got used to this— _to Niall_ , probably not, the blonde seemed to make it his life’s mission to keep him constantly on his toes and it was definitely working. He also wondered what all ‘really have some fun’ entailed not to mention he was a bit nervous about taking E for the first time, the only drugs he’s ever taken were the ones Maz sold him, and they mostly calmed his raising mind, sometimes made him feel like he was on a sugar high but mostly helped him forget the shit with his dad, he had no idea what kind of effect ecstasy would have on him, but he figured he was about to find out soon enough, he just hoped he didn’t get in too much trouble either way.

He started for the dorms to drop his bag off and tell Zayn about what Niall gave him, maybe beg his roommate to keep an eye out for him, because Niall was a lot of things but responsible wasn’t very high on his list of attributes so he wouldn’t exactly put it passed the blonde to let him wander off high as a kite to get lost, only to be found the next morning buck naked in the woods.

Harry was so busy laughing at that mental image that he missed Tyler frowning in the corner, having just witnessed the kiss.

The blonde swiped angrily at the tears now tracing their way down his cheeks and kicked out at the wall in anger. He’d sort of thought there was something building between him and Harry, so it sucked to watch him and Niall making out for all the world to see, and it didn’t look like that’d been their  first time either. Shaking his head he balled his hands into fists feeling foolish and used.

XXX

Something happens on the walk to the dorms, he thinks maybe the drugs are beginning to take effect which has to be some kind of record or something because he suddenly begins to feel weightless and like everything is beautiful—he’s just so fucking glad to be alive is the thing and before he knows it he’s skipping the rest of the way to the dorms.

“Zee, where are you, you sexy son of a bitch you?” He screeches down the hall, causing more than a few heads to pop out of their rooms in parts alarm and parts amusement. He sees a few dudes roll their eyes and duck back inside but a few people shoot him knowing smirks and slap him five as he passes and a few even call ‘happy birthday’ out to him.

Then Zayn is there looking amused as he holds his arms out wide and Harry runs straight into them giggling.

“Alright there Harry?”

“Mm yeah, except I think I might be a little…” He snuffles close so that he’s speaking directly into Zayn’s chest. “High” he whispers only he’s not whispering at all—luckily the hall monitor is nowhere to be found. Zayn can’t help but chuckle as he quickly drags the younger lad into their room and shuts the door.

“Oh yeah and why do you say that? How do’ya feel mate?”

“Like my tongue has grown fur and my skin is rippling like water, its beautiful Zayn can’t you see?” He asks holding his arm out for the darker lad’s inspection who just shakes his head laughing still.

“Nope sorry mate just looks like plain old skin to me.” Harry sighs out sympathetically and pouts for a moment.

“Aw that’s too bad.” He cheers back up instantly as his eyes dart around the room, never staying on one thing for more than a blink before moving onto something else, grinning excitedly all the while. “And like everything is singing! That chair, your bed, these walls—they’re all singing and it’s glorious…I wanna dance…dance with me Zee!!!!”

. “Think you’ve forgotten who you’re talking to…I don’t dance mate remember?” Harry frowned disapprovingly, hips already moving to a nonexistent beat.

“That’s rubbish but just this once zee, no one else is around to see.”

“No can do, besides there isn’t even any music ya donut.”

“Don’t need no music—the walls, they’re singing and it’s so lovely Zayn just listen.” Harry insists and even begins singing along, Zayn has to smother his laugh this time, not having the heart to tell Harry that what he’s singing is nothing more than gibberish not the life altering power ballad he thinks it is.

Tears are cascading down Harry’s cheeks and he’s even snotting a bit by the time Louis and Niall arrive and of course Louis immediately looks to Zayn to place the blame.

“What have you done to him?” He shouts, moving forward to embrace Harry who just shakes his head and continues to sway around the room, alternating between humming and singing under his breath.

“Shh Lou…you’ll ruin the song.” Louis raises an eyebrow and Zayn who is still covering his laughter with a hand over his mouth gestures for him and Niall to just watch and wait.

Harry doesn’t disappoint as the song apparently reaches the apex and he goes for it, throwing his head back and absolutely wailing nonsensical words and noises at the ceiling, even going so far as to fall to his knees and Louis too has to cover his mouth to smother his laughter.

Niall isn’t as polite.

“Holy fuck what’s he doing?” Niall asks, through tactless laughter. Harry suddenly freezes, his eyes snapping open to stare at the blonde and all at once he’s up and stumbling over his own feet in his haste to get across the room to Niall.

“Do—do that again?”

“Do what?” Niall asks, still speaking through his laughter. Harry’s grin widens.

“ _That_ , oh god that. The angels have spoken Niall and they agree your laugh is the most beautiful thing in the world.” That quiets Niall who just stares at Harry like he’s maybe got it all wrong and that he thinks _Harry_ is in fact the most beautiful thing in the world though he’d never actually say so. He’s saved saying anything however as Harry sniffs the air dramatically, creeping impossibly closer to Niall until his nose is literally buried in the blonde’s armpit.

“Haz what’re you…” He starts but is cut off by Harry letting out a loud, shameless moan.

“Oh god you smell so…fuck you smell delicious! I could just eat you, can I eat you? You should let me eat you…yes.” Niall opens his mouth to speak but before he can utter a sound Harry ducks his head underneath Niall’s t-shirt, pecking kisses into his abdomen.

“Harry what the fuck you can’t just…”

“I’m gonna suck you now k? Wanna taste you.” Niall’s eyes widen comically.

“Uh, no, don’t think so mate…we’ve got uh company yeah?”

“Dun care, they can watch. Gonna suck you so good, make you want me.” Harry insisted taking on a petulant tone as he struggled against Niall who kept trying to push him away enough to get him out from under his shirt.

“The hell you are.” Zayn said, looking aghast.

“Oh come on maybe watching me and Niall will put the two of you in the mood and you can finally work out all that unresolved tension going on there eh????” It was Louis' turn to look appalled.

“Why I _never_ …have you quite finished you curly headed fuckwit?” Harry shook his head, pawing at the fly of Niall’s jeans.

“Naw haven’t even started yet, gotta get his pants down first…”

“Harry!” All eyes whip over to the doorway to find Liam standing there, a disapproving look on his face. Harry is simply glowing now, completely forgetting about Niall he bounces over to wrap himself around the older lad much like a koala.

“Look at me, I’m a baby koala and Liam is me mum, cradle me Leeyum, cradle me.” Liam sighs, shaking his head at the mess Niall’s made by slipping Harry E but doesn’t hesitate to bring his hands up to cup Harry’s bum to keep him from falling.

“Ooh fresh.” Harry hisses, then giggles as he sort of humps into Liam’s side. Liam’s eyes widen because Harry’s got an impressive erection going on and it’s poking him hard in the side.

“Uh, yeah this was fun but koala time is done now.” He stammers out as he helps Harry onto his feet. Harry doesn’t fight him, but he does pull an impressive pout, pointing an accusing finger at the other boys.

“I wanna dance but no one will dance with me Li.”

“We’ll all dance with you Hazza…won’t we lads?” Louis and Niall nod hesitantly but Zayn just snorts already moving over to his bed to grab up his laptop.

“Think I’ll play DJ instead, thanks.” To everyone’s surprise there are no complaints from the birthday boy, who throws his hands up and cheers.

“DJ Malik!!! I’d like to request a little Cascada if you will.” The others all groan, but Zayn just shrugs and scans his ITunes library for _evacuate the dance floor_ because yes he already has it downloaded and pointedly ignores Louis' inquisitive eyebrow.

The four lads dance through five or six songs mostly just throwing their hands around to make it look like they were dancing when they were really too busy watching Harry pull some stripper-like moves, rubbing his hands all over his own body as his hips swayed in time with the music.

Then suddenly he just stopped, bringing a hand up to wipe the sweat from his brow as his eyes lit up, not really focusing on anyone when he says:

“Oh my god guys, we should go outside and play tag…like right now!” And he’s out the door before anyone can even respond and Liam glares at Niall not for the first time and hurries out after him the others not far behind.

They find him trying to climb up a tree and there are other students doing their own thing on the green some people just chilling in a circle talking, a couple of boys are playing a game of kick about, there’s a girl reading in the shade, a boy who looks to be meditating and even a few girls trying to tan even though it’s fucking February…it is quite nice out all things considered. Liam takes a quick look around to see if anyone is paying Harry any mind and finds that thankfully most are too busy immersed in what they’re doing and grumbles to himself about needing to find better friends as he stomps over to the tree where Harry’s made very little progress to tug the younger lad down and away from the tree.

“No, no Li lemme go, lemme go…I want to get to the top so I can fly like Jack and Rose…be the king of the world!” Liam rolls his eyes again, because really…someone nice and calm like Troye or Wes they’d make brilliant mates over well _this._

“Can’t do that mate because if you’re way up there then how are you gonna catch any of us when…tag you’re it!” Liam will admit he was using a tone of voice you’d use when speaking to a small child but given the circumstances it was sort of appropriate and gently swiped the taller boy on the shoulder before jogging off. The others who had just left the dorm building all scattered about as well, giggling breathlessly as Harry nearly brained himself trying to chase after them and tripping over his own pigeon-toed feet. He was a five foot eleven walking disaster waiting to happen and his friends would be right there to laugh at him when it did.

After a good while of chasing the others to no avail Harry finally just fell onto his back in the grass giggling breathlessly as he began star fishing his arms and legs, claiming to be making snow angels.

“But there isn’t any snow.” Zayn pointed out, causing Harry to pause.

“Grass angels then, come on Niall, come lay with me.” The others all raised their eyebrows because this was the blonde’s idea after all, so they reckoned it was the least he could do. Grunting in displeasure Niall pulled something out of his back pocket and handed it off to Louis before joining the younger boy on his back.

While Liam and Zayn watched the pair flap their arms and legs around in the grass Louis took this time to study what Niall had given him and saw it was a pair of novelty _birthday boy_ sunglasses which were just a few sizes bigger than the average pair and were completely tinted.

“What the bloody hell are these for?” He couldn’t help but question aloud.” Niall looked up and shot his roommate his best ‘no duh’ look.

“Have you not gotta look at his eyes? They’re more pupil then iris, there’s no way someone’s not going to notice at dinner and then we’ll all be screwed.” Louis pulled an impressed face.

“Whoa look at you, being all thinking ahead guy, you Irish bastard you.” The blonde rolled his eyes as the mention of dinner made his stomach growl. Harry rolled over to press his ear to Niall’s stomach.

“I can hear the ocean.” He said idly, cracking himself up. “It says you should snog me again, like earlier only this time you should also grope me inappropriately.”

“Oh does it now?” Niall smirked, reaching up to pinch a nipple.

“Uh huh, I think I deserve birthday snogs from everyone actually.”

“Well in that case…” Louis said squatting down to smack a wet kiss on Harry’s puckered lips. When he drew back Harry was staring at him cross eyed.

“Mine turn I guess.” Zayn mumbled and followed Louis' example, pecking Harry quickly on the lips before straightening back up.

“Liam, come on mate…snog me.” Liam shared a look with both Louis and Zayn as if to say _are_ _we really doing this_ , but ducked down to leave a kiss on the tip of the dimpled boy’s nose, which seemed good enough to placate him.

“Happy Birthday Haz.” Harry smiled brightly up at him before turning back to Niall.

“Alright lads you may want to avert your eyes for this one, it’s about it get a little R rated up in here.”  Harry warned not even waiting for Niall to kiss him, moving in himself. Niall rolled his eyes again and brought a hand up between them to keep Harry at a distance.

“Don’t think so mate.” He grinned, landing the briefest of kisses onto Harry’s mouth before quickly rolling to his feet, brushing off the seat of his jeans in the process. Harry crossed his arms over his chest and pouted up at the blonde.

“What the fuck was _that_? You call that a _kiss?”_ The others all snickered at Harry’s look of disappointment while Niall simply shrugged, glancing at his bare wrist as if there were a watch there.

“Reckon it’s time for dinner yet?”

“Probably.” Liam said, offhandedly as he watched a few students already making heir way into the caf.

“Thank the lord, we’ll pick this back up after maybe or we could always have another dance party in yours but for now I’m bloody starving.”

“Aren’t you always?” Liam pointed out, but gave up when all he got was a smile in return.

“I hope they have green jello for dessert, it’s my favorite and it’s my birthday so I should get to have my favorite.”

“Yeah sure Haz, let’s just go in and see what’s for dinner.” Louis eyed the blonde who was acting a bit strange all of a sudden and wondered what else he had cooked up for the evening.

“Here put these on Harry and whatever you do, do not take them off or we’ll all be in a great heap of trouble.” Niall instructed handing Harry the birthday boy sunnies. Harry nodded in understanding and Zayn watched Niall send a quick prayer up that Harry really did understand and pushed open the caf doors to find everyone waiting around a decent sized cake, big enough for everyone to get a sliver or at least a taste. Nick and Ed waved the group over and Harry stumbles slightly but nothing too out of ordinary to cause alarm as he makes his way over, blindly reaching down to take Niall’s hand to squeeze in thanks.

The entire room begins singing the birthday song on Cher’s count and Harry’s smile is stretched so wide it threatens to split his face but he’s honestly never been happier—birthdays have never been a big deal for him, Mary his nanny and the rest of his house staff tried their best to make his birthday more than just another day but with a father who could never be bothered to remember and no friends to speak of to invite over there wasn’t much they could really do aside from buy him a cake and maybe a card.

They’d sing sometimes to but that stopped once he entered high school and told them it wasn’t necessary, but right here, right now the sound of the room’s collective voices singing to him—no _for_ him he’s honestly never wanted something so much in his life. This is what he’d been missing all along, someone to care, to truly care and he was not even slightly embarrassed to find a few tears had rolled down from beneath the glasses he wore.

If anyone noticed they didn’t mention it.

“Make a wish Harry and blow ‘em out already.” Nick shouted, reaching across the cake to flick the younger lad in the ear good-naturedly.

Harry froze not even feeling the slight sting from the flick because he honestly didn’t even know what to wish for, for the first time in his life he felt like he had everything he needed. Sure he could wish for his dad to start acting like a well _father_ , or maybe for his mum to come back for him or at the very least try to make some sort of contact, he could even wish for Niall to finally pull his head out of his arse and just admit that he might be falling for Harry just as hard as Harry was falling for him…but he doesn’t.

Looking around the room at his friends, acquaintances and fellow screw ups that he couldn’t even tell you the name of but felt a sort of bond with in that moment he knew that the one thing he really wanted was for them all to be alright in the end. With that thought in mind he took a deep breath and blew out every candle in a single gush.

“Alright dinner first, cake for dessert.” Cher announced over everyone asking for a slice and the room is instantly filled with groans of disappointment as the crowd breaks off headed to the meal line.

“What’s on the menu tonight anyway?” Niall asks offhandedly.

“Ribs and baked mac n cheese.” Ed offers as he and Nick work on trying to re-close the cake box without messing up the icing.

“Jesus, have we hit the lottery tonight!” Niall crowed loudly, already licking his lips.

“I hope they’ve made bbq chicken for me, Agnes knows I don’t eat pig.” Zayn mumbled under his breath but only Liam seemed to be paying him any mind.

“I’m sure she has.” He assured with a squeeze to the darker boy’s shoulder.

Louis ‘allows’ for Zayn to sit with them a second time in honor of Harry’s birthday and between Harry and Niall every plate gets cleaned, though Liam could seriously rival Louis with how little he’d managed to eat—actually Louis might even have eaten a bit more then the eldest boy.

When it comes time for cake Harry goes a little overboard eating most of it on his own thanks to his munchies which Zayn just shakes his head at because it’s not like Harry smoked weed or something why was he suddenly a bottomless pit? Louis just shrugs.

“Guess you never really know how someone’s gonna react to a drug ya know? Apparently Harry regresses back to when he was six all full of boundless energy, always wanting to eat or play and get dirty doing both..” Louis finished smirking at the smudges of chocolate icing currently all over Harry’s face.

“Alright lads, think we ought to take this party back to Zayn and Harry’s room no?” Liam said suddenly, anxious to remove Harry from such a crowded situation where he could easily be found out at any moment. The birthday boy perked up.

“Yes, dance party at club zarry tonight a.k.a room 224 woot woot!” He shouted, already dancing in place. Zayn and Niall laughed overly loud at the action to make it seem like an inside joke no one else would get and quickly dragged him out of the room.

Along the way Harry sidles up next to Niall and not at all subtly slips a hand into the back pocket of his jeans to squeeze his arse.

“Hmm, maybe we can ditch these party poopers and share a shower eh? You can give me a birthday blowjob?” Harry slurs into Niall’s ear and the blonde has to laugh because it’s quite obvious that the others can hear every word Harry “whispered.”

“Think I’ll have to take a rain check on that one mate, leave it to you to wait until you’re high to get frisky and want to sneak away to hook up.”

“So that’s a no then?” Harry half giggled half whined.

“It’s a not now babe, sorry.” To everyone’s surprise Harry just shrugs and skips off to smell a flower which is actually a pinecone.

Luckily for them Harry finally crashes after just two songs, fully clothed with one shoe on, the other somewhere on Zayn’s side of the room where he flung it after taking it off to try and order a takeaway pizza with it and growing frustrated when no one seemed to be on the ‘other line’. Zayn was simply exhausted and he shooed the other three out, making sure to clip Niall in the back of the head for his oh-so-bright idea to give Harry ecstasy in the first place and bid them all goodnight.

The other three split off at the stairwell as usual with Louis and Niall going up to their room and Liam continuing on down the hall to his own. Tonight had taken a lot out of him, his side still stung a bit from yesterday even if his cut was finally beginning to scab over in places and he could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on. His only consolation he reckoned was that he had about five minutes before he was to meet Ed in the lounge for their longstanding weekly meet up where he’d mostly sit and listen/watch the ginger play his guitar for half an hour before lights out.

He busies himself with getting ready, it might seem  silly because he’s just going to sit in the lounge with Ed, not dine at a fancy restaurant or summat but he can’t help sprucing up a bit, changing his shirt and spraying himself with a bit of Jack’s Axe body mist before heading over.

He’s not surprised when he finds Ed already waiting but is surprised at the absence of his trusty guitar.

“Where’s Nigel?” He asks with a grin, he may be acting off with his mates but there is never a time when he feels like he can’t be himself with Ed, it just came natural –like breathing, smiling did.

“Thought we could change it up a bit, maybe a game of Billiards instead?”

“Sure mate if you’re more in the mood to have your arse handed to you, that’s your choice.” He ribbed, smiling cheekily and feeling like himself for the first time in weeks.

“Yeah yeah, put your money where your mouth is.” Ed teased back causing Liam to do a double take.

“Wait money? Are we betting then?” Ed shrugged.

“We can sure, what’re your stakes?” Liam pretended to think this over before smirking.

“If I win…you’ll come out with me on my next weekend pass, we can hit up the arcade and then grab some real food no offense to Agnes…” The older lad chewed his lip looking more than a little conflicted.

“Like a date?” He cautioned, not wanting to assume anything but needing to make sure. Liam quickly covered his look of hopefulness with one of incredulity. 

“No! Bro of course not that’s like against the rules and anyway _us_? Like no way right?” Again he looked to the older boy with a light of hope in his eyes that dimmed when all Ed did was nod.

“Hmm, ok but if I win then you have to be on the decorating committee come prom time.” Liam snorted.

“I was probably going to end up being roped into helping anyway.” Ed didn’t deny that fact but instead clapped a friendly hand on Liam’s shoulder.

“Well now you can do it _voluntarily_.” Liam rolled his eyes, still grinning.

“Alright, let’s shake on it then and you start racking—I’ll break.”

Liam ends up knocking both the eleven ball in the left corner pocket and the four ball in the right side pocket and chooses to play for solids knowing the ginger secretly loved playing for stripes. And so the game goes and for the first time in weeks Liam isn’t obsessing over cutting or his scars or the reason why he needs to cut, instead he and Ed are trading friendly banter, taking the piss when a shot goes wild or misses the mark by a lot and then there’s the moment when Liam is attempting the near impossible leaned over the table, his upper body twisted in a way that is more comical than tactical and he knows the ball won’t go anywhere near where he’s aimed but he does it anyway if for nothing more then  to hear the soft chuckle that Ed emits and afterward as he’s straightening up he just catches the older lad avert his eyes and he has to be mistaken or seeing things because there is no way Ed had really been checking out his bum.

Soon it’s down to the wire Liam’s gunning for the eight ball while Ed’s still got the twelve and fifteen ball to sink before he catches up, it’s not an easy shot but Liam feels good about his chances as he lines his shot, he even closes one eye and sticks his tongue out for good measure as he calls it.

“Eight ball left corner pocket.” He mumbles out before tapping the white ball with the chalked end of his pool cue, sending it rolling down the felt covered table, slowly losing momentum as it neared the black ball so as not to fall in after and cost Liam the entire game with a scratch. It doesn’t and before he can think Liam throws the stick down and jumps into the air, throwing his arms up in celebration.

The motion causes his shirt to rise as well but Liam isn’t even worried about that, too focused on his impromptu touchdown dance that he does mostly to amuse Ed, maybe get another chuckle out of the ginger but instead, he turns to see Ed frowning. Before he can ask what’s wrong the older lad rounds the table and lift’s the corners of Lam’s shirt once more. Liam can’t react quickly enough and Ed gasps as he sees the mostly scabbed but still raw in parts cut at Liam’s side. Liam watches as Ed makes a pained little noise in the back of his throat moving to trace the cut with his finger before catching himself  at the last minute and touches the skin just above it instead.

“Liam, no.” Is all he says and he sounds disappointed and weirdly enough a little hurt but mostly he sounds scared, as he tries to swallow and his throats clicks a bit. Liam winces.

“Ed I…” Liam starts, his own throat a little on the dry side. He’s saved having to finish whatever it is he was going to say, whether it was to apologize, or to try and explain he’ll never know because in that instant Ed is pulling him forward into a hug and just about every ounce of breath in his body comes gushing out as he clings desperately to the shorter lad and before he knows it he’s crying, these body wracking sobs that get semi drowned into the soggy shoulder of Ed’s flannel shirt, soggy with his tears but for some reason he can’t stop now that he’s started.

Ed’s brought a hand up to rub soothing shapes into Liam’s back and he’s being so gentle with him, so sweet and Liam is filled with so much emotion that for a minute he forgets where they are, _who_ they are and that Ed could definitely do better—probably doesn’t think of Liam as anything more than that annoying kid who mistook him for a student on his very first day, who has stupidly been pining away after him ever since, but for right now he feels like doing one last selfish act, even more selfish than trying to take his life two years ago, more selfish than trying to have a bit of fun on a canoe outing with his mates when he’s supposed to be the daddy of their rag tag group, the one who looks after everyone.

He pulls back from their embrace and with his lips still wet from his own tears he moves in for a kiss but Ed sees it coming and turns at the last possible second even though it’s one of the hardest things he’s had to do since taking this job because he doesn't want to get fired and of course he's known somewhere in the way back of his mind he _had_ to have known how Liam felt for him but now he _knows_ and he can tell by the look on Liam's face, namely the blush now rising up his neck that he's mortified and is about to bolt so he grabs the brunette to him and hugs him again, tighter this time, trying to assure him this doesn't change anything and without thinking he presses his lips lightly to the side of Liam's neck that is so soft and so quick that Liam know he _definitely_  imagined it.

It’s Ed who pulls away this time, but he’s still got a hand around Liam’s wrist, he won’t meet the younger boy’s eyes as he reaches into his back pocket for his work walkie and with one last regretful look he calls in a code blue, whatever that is. Liam opens his mouth to ask but Ed just shakes his head and murmurs an apology just as the buildings doors burst open and a group of counselors enter their eyes immediately zoning in on them and Liam is half tempted to retch his wrist out of Ed’s grip just so that they don’t get the wrong idea but then he realizes what they’re there for and suddenly the deceit finally sinks in.

“Ed you didn’t…” He starts but then Nick is breaking away from the rest of them, approaching them like one would a spooked horse.

“Sheeran, you called in a code blue?”

“Yea, I did.” Ed says and if he sounds a bit choked up as he says it, no one points it out.

“But where…” Nick makes a show of looking around for a relapsed child and is genuinely confused when he doesn’t find one. Finally looking back at the pair before him he takes in Ed’s sunken demeanor and the death grip he has on Liam’s wrist and finally gets it. “Oh no, not—not Liam, Ed?” It’s the way he says Ed’s name, like shattered glass that has Ed straightening, putting on a brave face, he gives a single assertive nod.

“It’s a code blue Grimmy, you know what ya need to do.” Nick completely deflates but turns to address the others.

“Fuck, yeah we do…you heard ‘im folks code blue on Liam, we’ve got a relapse.” Liam’s eyes widen at their approach.

“Ed seriously? I’m fine.” He tries to reason, trying to tug his wrist free—maybe he could make a run for it if only Ed would let go. But Ed’s grip only tightens until Nick and Greg draw close enough to twist Liam’s wrists behind his back where they proceed to secure them with a pair of twist tie cuffs.

“Ed how could you call on _me_? Sick Cowell’s bloody guard dogs on me? I thought we were friends?” He tries to meet the older boy’s eyes but now that he’s no longer holding onto Liam. Ed’s brought both hands up to cover his face as if he couldn’t watch.

This only succeeded in fueling Lima’s anger, because if a bloke had the nerve to call on him, he had better have the bollocks to look him in the bloody eye as he’s carted away damnit.

“You know what no…fuck that—fuck _you_ Ed, you’re nothing to me…no one around here means a goddamn thing to me anymore.” He’s shouting at the top of his lungs now, face bright red from excursion as he continues to struggle futilely to free himself from Nick and Greg’s hold. He’s barely recognizable and everyone flinches at the hateful things he’s spewing out because they’re so unlike him.

“ _Good_ , this is actually so fucking good, go on take me away little doggies, bow wow motherfuckers.” He spits out, then literally spits on the ground in front of Nick just so he’ll have to walk in it, no longer struggling. “This is good, now I’ll be put in solitary confinement most like and never have to see any of you twats again or those cunts I called my friends…HA!”

The last look he gets of Ed is to see the ginger collapse onto the nearest couch, Cher rushing to his side to comfort him.

XXX

Liam’s moved into a single room with straps on the bed for his own protection. He’s questioned by Nick asking when he first started cutting again, how often, what did he use and where did he get it, but most importantly _why_. He was asked why more than once actually because nothing could ever be resolved unless they found the root of it all, where the anger stemmed from. The first time they all knew was triggered by the loss of his brother but this time was a complete mystery and Liam was of no help, having taken a vow of silence all of a sudden.

No one is to be told anything, not even poor Jack who was woken up to Ellie and Alexandra sneaking into his room to pack up as much of Liam’s things they could, mostly necessities. They ignore Jack’s inquiries until they’re done and they quietly assure him that Liam is fine but that he has been temporarily moved to a single.

“But, why?” He sputters out a final time. Ellie shoots him a sympathetic look and walks over to run a soothing had through his hair before joining Alex at the door once more.

“We can’t tell you that just yet duck, but you’ll know just as soon as Simon okays it alright, now try and get some sleep yeah? Liam wouldn’t want you up all night worrying about him now would he?” And it’s true that’s definitely not something Liam would want and they can tell the exact moment the thought occurs to Jack who finally pulls his cover back up to his chin and promises them he’ll try.       

As is protocol after Nick gets absolutely nowhere with his questioning the handcuffs are removed, Liam is stripped and frisked for drugs or anything that could be deemed harmful to himself or others much like when he first arrived on campus and is given a gown to wear instead. He is then taken to single room on the first floor where he is to serve his solitary confinement until Simon’s arrival the following morning. Once inside he will be strapped to the bed for his own safety and there will be someone sat in the room with him at all times.

Liam goes along with it all willingly, well sort of it’s more like he’s given up, his body going with the motions but his mind is no longer there, eyes vacant and glassy as he allows himself to be restrained like an animal or worse, something much closer to home, a lunatic.                                               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahhh poor Liam right? Sorry but it had to be done :( other than that how did i do? Would you be so kind as to leave a comment for me??!?!?
> 
> <3 Jen


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there sorry this chapter is a little shorter than the previous two it's because I felt the next bit was going to be too long to tack onto the end of this chapter and i thought it would be better to just start the next chapter with it instead so don't worry i'm not going to take a break to breathe between chapters like i usually do i'm just going to soldier on through it :D 
> 
> also this chapter might feel a bit filler-y but as always it's setting up for something bigger 
> 
> No real warnings except maybe for tears, a bit of mush, and \very/ out-of-character meanie! Harry
> 
> p.s i think it goes without saying but i'll ask anyway that no one show this story to anyone involved or named because i write for fun and wouldn't want someone to read this and be offended and I be forced to stop writing it or something so please just don't.

The next morning starts as all the ones before it, all the usual suspects are present and Louis has bullied Harry into trying to throw coco pops into his mouth from across the table. It’s honestly the last thing he wants to do, because his head is pounding something awful now that he’s come down from last night’s high, vowing to never touch E ever again in life.

They’re no longer surprised when Liam doesn’t turn up to join them, they are however surprised when Jack Harries comes up to them and tiredly drops into the empty seat beside Louis because not only has Jack never gotten up in time for breakfast before but, he certainly would never dare try and sit with _them_ , not given how vocal Louis is about not liking the lad.

But it seemed this morning he’d grown a pair of steel plated bollocks or summat judging by the way he barely acknowledged Louis' death glare.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing Harries?” Louis sneered, voice low but leveled when it looked like Jack had no intentions of budging. The younger lad matched Louis' dirty look before dismissing him entirely.

“Oh come off it Tomlinson I’ve got something to tell you lot and it can’t wait for you to get off your high horse alright, it’s about Liam or well I think it is?”

“What are you on about?” Louis asked, trying and failing to seem indifferent, but it was Liam so he was of course he was concerned.

Jack waved his hand around uselessly.

“Like it all happened so fast and it was late and at first I wasn’t even entirely sure that I hadn’t dreamed the whole thing up if I’m honest.”

“O-kay.” Harry ventured, confused by the amount of stalling Jack was doing.

“Dreamed what?” He asked gently at the same time that Louis huffed: “Christ could you get on with it already?”

 “Liam, I think they moved him to a single room last night and put him in solitary.” Louis sat up straight at that.

“What’s solitary?”  Harry asked confused, though it didn’t really take a rocket scientist to figure it out, he still needed validation, hoping there was a chance he was wrong.

“Yeah bloody right, Liam in solitary?” Louis scoffed, his earlier surprise melting immediately into skepticism as he began to stir his spoon through the soggy remains of his cereal, frowning down into the bowl.

Jack nodded.

“That’s what I thought too, but hear me out, it was early this morning before the sun had even come up and Ellie and Alexandria came in and started packing up a few of Liam’s things and when I asked what was going on they told me Liam was temporarily being moved to a single but that they couldn’t tell me why just yet. I thought it was a dream until I woke up and saw that Liam’s stuff was missing like almost all of it, so I’m thinking they must’ve returned at some point for the rest while I was sleep.”

“If you’re taking the piss out of us Harries…” Louis growled, glaring to mask his worry. Jack raised his hands defensively.

“I wouldn’t, not about Liam, not like this.” Louis studied Jack with squinted eyes before finally nodding once, convinced and turned to Harry.

“Jesus, what’re we going to do now…?” Harry started but then cut himself off at a complete loss.

“Well the intervention is off that’s for sure, I guess we try and corner Ed or Nick and bully more details out of them.”

“Thanks for letting us know Jack, ‘preciate it.” Harry said reaching across the table to pet Jack’s hand.

“Yeah, guess you’re not all bad.” Louis grumbled reluctantly, Jack rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, I did it for Liam.” They all nodded in understanding and with that Jack left the cafeteria as suddenly as he’d entered.

“Something still doesn’t sit right with me, like we knew something was up but not bad enough to warrant being moved to this solitary thing Jack mentioned and how the hell did he get caught anyway?”

“I’ve got no idea Haz and of course both Quiffy and the Ginger are both conveniently missing from brekkie his morning so we’re out of luck there.”

“Yeah why would they like get Liam’s stuff last night while Jack was still in the room? Everyone knows he’s a gossip so they had to know news of Liam being moved to a single would get around, they probably would’ve faired better waiting until this morning.”

“Too right I swear bad news travels faster on the grapevine here at MS than Twitter.”

“I wouldn’t know, don’t have a twitter.” Louis gasped as if Harry had badmouthed the Queen.

“Seriously? God did you live under a rock before coming here?”

“Uh, yeah I did actually. I’m Patrick starfish.” Harry deadpanned making Louis blink his eyes in horror.

“Did you really just? Oh god not only was that terrible, but how could you even make jokes at a time like this?” Harry flinched, feeling suitably chastise.

“You’re right I’m sorry, it’s just all really hard to take in, and I guess cracking jokes is my coping mechanism?”

“Well stop it, because I will have you know that cracking inappropriate jokes with ill timing is _my_ thing.” He finished with a wink that had Harry kicking him under the table. “Besides its Saturday, so no classes—I don’t think they wanted to make Liam go without his stuff for two whole days while they waited for the opportune moment to sneak into his room undetected.” Harry nodded.

“Do you really think it’s all gone then?” Louis shrugged. “I reckon we should pop by their room and see with our own eyes, only then will I be convinced.”

XXX

They hurry back to the dorms to find Liam’s half of the room is nearly empty and that Jack hadn’t returned to the room to crawl back into bed like they’d figured he would after he left them.

“Probably in Shelley’s room.” Louis commented offhandedly causing Harry’s eyes to widen.

“What? Why do'ya say that?” Louis shrugged raising a judgmental eyebrow.

“They’re together now, proper boyfriends Zay— _they_ um, it should be all over the school by now how could you not have known?” Harry shrugged still in shock so Louis continued.

“I reckon poor Nialler isn’t taking it very well, he seems quite smitten with that doe-eyed prat.”

“He isn’t a prat, not really.” Harry insisted because even if he didn’t like how close Niall and George were he couldn’t’ deny the younger lad was at the very least an ok sort.

“Well He has prat-like tendencies; you have to give me that. He’s too eager to fit in, bloody can’t stand the type.” Harry bit his lip and said nothing because it could’ve so easily have been _him_ that Louis was bad mouthing if the older lad hadn’t seen something in him his first day at MS that made him worth keeping.

“So what now? It’s pretty obvious everything Jack said is true.” Harry said, waving a hand at Liam’s side of the room Louis groaned and collapsed onto Liam’s unmade bed staring up at the ceiling as he spoke:

“Fuck me I don’t know, I’m still trying to wrap my head around all this, you know what this means right?” Harry shook his head, because in all honesty he hadn’t a clue.

“What what means?”

“If Liam’s been put in solitary, he’s most likely relapsed.” The younger lad’s eyes bugged out for a second time.

“No what the fuck Lou, you don’t know that what the fuck even _is_ solitary?” Louis moved up onto his elbows so that he could look the other boy in the eye.

“It’s awful from what I’ve _heard_ —haven’t managed to get myself thrown in there yet, surprisingly but first thing they do is move you to a single room and you’re cut off from everyone but a select few staff members who watch you 24/7 and you never leave that room—ever. You have your meals brought to you, you’re escorted to the loo and monitored while you do your business and I even heard rumors of some students getting strapped down to the bed like they do in a proper psych ward.”

“Christ—but they wouldn’t do any of that to Liam though would they? I mean move him to his own room sure but not strap him down like some mental would they?”

All Louis could do was shrug because he was just as lost in the situation as he was.

“They’d better not or else they’ll have to answer to me.” He growled, because he was admittedly possessive and Liam was his and he took care of his own damnit, he felt like a complete failure for not noticing something was up with Liam sooner—before it could come to this.

Louis sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed once more.

“Fuck this, I can’t just sit here twiddling my thumbs waiting for someone else to throw us another bit of bread crumb; I say we go straight to the source.”

“Ed?” The slighter boy shot him a pleased look.

“You’re getting good at reading my mind there Curly, knew I liked you for a reason.” He finished with a wink and Harry wouldn’t deny he preened under the attention before the pair of them was setting off yet again to find the ginger haired lad to prod him for answers.

XXX

Ed is suspiciously nowhere to be found but they end up cornering Greg as he’s leaving his office who confirms that it’s true that Liam’s been moved to solitary after much prodding and Louis grabbing at the collar of the older man’s shirt and pushing him against the wall in what Harry can only assume is meant to be menacing but it mostly looks ridiculous on account of Greg having a good seven inches on him, but it’s no less impressive when it does the trick.

Unfortunately Greg tells them that he can’t disclose any more to them just yet which is the absolute wrong thing to say as Louis instantly blows up at him.

“Fuck off Gregory it’s us—it’s _me_ ya gotta give me _something_ , its Liam man.” Greg sighs and glances around them quickly to make sure that they’re the only ones in the hallway before leaning in close.

“Alright, alright he’s in deep Lou, its real bad.” Louis and Harry let out twin gasps.

“So it’s true then, he’s relapsed?” Louis' eyes squeeze shut. “And we never even saw it, _fuck_.”

Greg shakes his head. “I’ve already said too much, but Lou don’t do this alright, you couldn’t have known anything. No one did…I’ve really got to run now, I’m sorry…” He trails, hurrying off before Louis can grab him by the shirt again.

“He’s right Lou, even with our suspicions none of us really knew the magnitude of what was going on, we can’t blame ourselves here if there’s any consolation to this fucked up situation at least he’s getting the help he needs now.”

“Look Haz I know you mean well but you’ve only just met him yeah? You don’t have the first fucking clue what I’m feeling right now Liam’s been my mate—my fucking _rock_ for months now.” Harry couldn’t help but wince at the reminder, that he doesn’t have the history that the rest of the lads had, even if he knew Louis was speaking out of anger, it still stung like hell.

“He was a bit of a loner before I came to MS so no one had his back and I didn’t get it because he’s so _Liam_ you know? He’s strong, noble and warm—basically a perfect human being why wouldn’t the idiots here be clamoring to be his friend and it’s because they were jealous that he wasn’t as fucked up as all of ‘em—they didn’t _get him_ and honestly he was too good for them anyway. Even though he’s older and had been here longer I took him under my wing and made a silent vow to protect him and I fucking failed alright? I fucking failed him!”

Louis'' voice cut off, as a knot of emotion started to form in his throat and a sob fought its way out from his chest and Harry just moved in time to catch the older lad as his knees began to buckle. He wrapped his arms around Louis' smaller frame and the older boy has never felt tinier in Harry’s arms, feeling as though he could wrap them around two times over, cooing words of reassurance into Louis' ear.

“No, Lou—of course you didn’t, you didn’t know, you just didn’t _know_.” Louis continued to snivel into Harry’s shoulder as the two rocked slowly.

After a bit Louis calmed down enough to pull away but not before wiping his face on Harry’s t-shirt leaving it wet and snotty like the awful brat he was. Harry just chuckled though because it was Louis and this was believe it or not a good sign.

“How do you suppose we should break it to the others?” Louis asked, trying to draw the focus away from him.

“Other?”

“Niall and Zayn.” Harry couldn’t help bu smirk.

“Wow Lou, look at you including Zayn and everything think there might be hope for the two of you yet.” Louis rolled his eyes, hard.

“Keep dreaming Harold, I just know when it comes to you lot he’s a part of the group.” The taller lad waved off Louis' protests with a flip of his wrist.

“Yeah yeah, I don’t know how we should do it, like should we tell them together or separate?”

“We could split up, one of us tells Niall the other tells Zayn?”

Harry would never admit it out loud but he really wanted to tell Niall on his own, maybe try and weasel a cuddle out of the blonde or summat—something meaningful that had nothing to do with sex and felt sort of awful about capitalizing on this grievous situation to do so.

“We could do that…suppose I’d tell my roommate and you’d tell yours then?”

“Or I could tell Zayn.” Louis offered with a shrug causing Harry to do a double take.

“Wait really?”

“Yeah, I _can_ be adult about this; I may not like him but I know Liam means just as much to him so…”

“Even still wouldn’t it be easier if—” Louis cut him off with a raised hand.

“Harold you wound me, do you think I’m blind?” He said in a mocking tone, bringing that same hand now to his chest.

“That we all don’t know there’s something going on between you and the Irish twink I share a room with because reality check time _everyone_ knows and I’m not just talking in the group but like the entire school just about, you’re the new biggest ship, it used to be a tie between LiEd and Troyler but then Troye broke up with Tyler and became obsessed with Liam it was so sad, but now all the little birdies are chirping about you and Niall so just go alright, be with yer man and thank me later if you must, preferably with details.” He finished with a playful wink.

Harry didn’t think he was at all kidding.

XXX

Harry knocks on the door of Niall and Louis' room, cursing the fact that he hadn’t bothered to ask Louis for his key. It takes quite a few hard knocks before Harry hears any kind of movement inside as something crashes followed by Niall’s loud cry of _fuck me_ through the heavy wood door before it is finally jerked open to reveal a squinty, glaring blonde—his hair sticking up in every direction imaginable. He’s got a pink crease on his right cheek from his pillow and it’s a bit too adorable to stand. His glare tones down a bit when he realizes its Harry at the door but not by much.

Without a word he forces his way into the room, pushing Niall back and closing the door behind him before grabbing a hold of the sides of Niall’s face and kissing him softly, no tongue because he’s all too aware that Niall’s just woken up and has yet to brush his teeth, but Harry honestly couldn’t care less.

Niall makes a soft noise in the back of his throat and brings his hands up—resting one on Harry’s waist while the other sneaks up to bury itself in Harry’s curls which have gotten a bit long since coming to MS, he knows he ought to get a trim but just couldn’t be bothered with all that’s been going on recently.

When they part after a bit, Niall is grinning, licking his lips he lets his eyes rove over Harry before giving the taller boy a squeeze with the hand still at his waist.

“Well top ‘o’ the morning to you too, have you come to collect you birthday prezzie then?”

“What—no I just needed…I have something to tell you.” Niall rolled his eyes looking annoyed.

“More talk? It’s always talking with you, imma let you in on a little known secret Haz, we Irishman? We’re men of few words; speak through our _actions_ yeah, so how about I give ya a quick sucking before we have to be at the intervention?” Niall offered, already dropping to his knees and grabbing for Harry’s fly.

“No, Niall it’s about the intervention—” Harry tried to protest again but Niall just hummed not listening as he continued to work Harry’s jeans open until the brunette finally slapped his hands away, frowning.

“The fuck Haz that hurt!” Niall whined, frowning just as deep as he stood once more.

“Well if you’d listen to me for one fucking minute instead of trying to get in my bloody pants you’d know there isn’t going to be any fucking intervention because Liam’s already been put in solitary.”

“Wait what? No, they can’t, n-not to Liam.”

“Yes _Liam_ , Jesus Niall I came here to…” Harry waved his arms around at nothing “and ok maybe I gave you the wrong impression by kissing you but I just needed to be close to someone.” He finished, knowing his bottom lip had gone all wobbly and not being able to do a thing about it.

Niall looked from Harry’s trembling lip up to his watering eyes and back again before his own face softened and he held his arms out wide and gestured for Harry to come fill them.

“No, fuck it’s alright…it’s my bad yeah? C’mere.” He said tugging Harry in close.

“Do you know anything else, like how they found out?” Harry shook his head, face buried into Niall’s chest making his next words muffled.

“No Louis tried to force Greg to tell us but he couldn’t, just said that Liam had been moved and that it was bad…Lou thinks he’s relapsed.”

“FUCK, yeah that’s usually the case when you’re sent to solitary, like it’ a sort of last resort, only used for really serious type deals.” Harry’s breath began to hitch as the severity really started to sink in.

“So he’s started cutting again then?” The blonde sighed and is was such a despairing sound as he nodded.

“Looks like…fuck Liam why didn’t you just come to one of us mate?” Niall cursed for the umpteenth time in less than five minutes, shaking his head.

“I wonder what triggered it.” Harry blurted out suddenly.

“What’dya mean?” Niall pressed, as he unconsciously began running his fingers through Harry’s curls.

Harry shrugged.

“Like he’s been cut-free all this time and then he randomly starts up again? That doesn’t make sense to me; something had to have brought it on right? Is it close to the anniversary of his brother’s death or summat?”

“Do’ya know I have no idea…never been good with dates and the like that’s more Zayn’s thing or well Liam but…” Niall sighed again, pulling a helpless face.

“Maybe we should go downstairs and ask him?” Harry offered.

“Sure sure, Wanna go now?” Niall asked, the hand in Harry’s hand pausing.

“Could we stay here for a bit more, just like this?” Niall’s face screwed up as he was torn between wanting to be a good friend and not wanting Harry to read more into this than there was.

In the end he nodded.

“Yeah, we’ll go down in just a bit then.”

XXX

Louis rushes to Harry's room and doesn’t even give a sleeping Zayn any warning before he’s climbing into bed behind him, spooning him close while he cries into the back of the darker boy’s neck.

At first Zayn stays asleep, snuggling back into the unexpected warmth before he finally startles and nearly elbows Louis in the face in his hurry to turn over.

“Lou? What the fuck, Harry—“ He starts in a panic, cutting himself off as he glances over his shoulder towards his roommate’s empty bed and breathes out a sigh of relief that is until he notices Louis' state and his brow immediately furrows in worry.

The older lad’s eyes are leaking and he can barely get the words out between sobs as he tells Zayn they’re too late that they’ve already found out Liam has relapsed and that he is currently in solitary.

“Damn, this is exactly what I was afraid of all along, but I really hoped we were wrong on this one Lou, but I think it’s definitely for the best that he’s getting actual help if that’s the case. Our little intervention wouldn’t have helped much; we’re in no way equipped to handle something like that on our own.”

“I know I just hate that he’s been suffering all this time, right under all our noses.” Zayn nodded his agreement.

“Well whatever was happening it’s over now, they’ll take care of him Lou— _Ed_ will make sure of it.” Louis' eyes nearly popped out of his head as it suddenly dawned on him.

“Oh god poor Ed, I can’t even imagine how _he’s_ holding up.” Zayn nodded again, eyes hooded in sympathy.

“What can I do Lou, what do you need?” He asked, reaching a hand out to wipe the newest tears from beneath Louis' eyes.

Louis let out a shuddery breath.

“I don’t know how much longer we have before Harry comes down from my room but do’ya think you could—can you just hold me? I know we don’t normally—that we’re not like that but...” Zayn rolled his eyes.

“Shut up and turn over ya knob.” Louis happily did as told flipping so that his back was nestled into Zayn’s front and he was surprised at just how perfectly he fit in the space of Zayn’s arms.

“I got you babe.” Zayn whispered into the soft skin at the nape of Louis' neck.

XXX

By the time Harry and Niall came downstairs Louis and Zayn had since separated with Louis moving to lie on Harry’s bed under the guise of snooping through his laptop which the younger lad had foolishly left unpassword protected, something he would never do again.

He learned that lesson the hard way when he found a new folder on his desktop marked Porn that was full of nothing but candid pictures of Susan Boyle.

They talk for a good while, all talking over one another as they speculate how Liam got caught, what reason could’ve started him up again, the anniversary idea having been nixed after Zayn confirmed the date of Andy’s death for them.

After that the five of them muck around for a bit trying to take their minds off of Liam but it’s no use and eventually Louis and Niall head back to their room and Zayn looks at the time and gets his laptop out, plugging his earphones in apologetically as he tells Harry he’s got a Skype call planned with his mum and sisters. Harry assures him it was more than fine and even offered to go out for a walk which Zayn is grateful for.

XXX

Harry’s not gotten very far from the dorms when his path is suddenly blocked by someone and he groans inwardly because he was really trying to project a _I’m really not in the mood to be fucked with/talked to/hell could you maybe not even look at me right now_ vibe and it had been working as he passed by open door after open door in the halls and no one called out to him and he ducked by the crowd of kids on the front steps without incident but apparently whoever this was hadn’t gotten the memo.

Sighing Harry finally looked up from where he’d been studying his sneakers, lost in thought and this time he couldn’t even bother to trap the groan inside as he saw it was Tyler and not only that but the look on the blonde’s face was anything but it’s usual cheery.

So not only was he not in the mood to deal with anyone but he’d now have to potentially deal with the many someone(s) that inhabited this single body.

“Look Tyler I’m not—“He starts, hoping to nip this in the bud before it can even get started but the blonde apparently has another thing in mind.

“No _you_ listen here Har-ry, Sty-ulls.” Tyler says getting all up in Harry’s face—waving a finger at him. His neck winding so much that it looks like his head isn’t even connected to the rest of him at times.

“How fucking dare you come here batting those gorgeous green eyes of yours at me and smiling at me with those juicy pink lips of yours making me think I had a chance only for me to find out you’ve been playing me this whole time?” Harry’s brw furrowed up because he had no idea what the blonde was going on about.

“What the hell are you even—“Tyler raised a stern finger once more.

“No you just hush; you don’t get to speak yet! I gave you the best two weeks and some days of my life Harry Styles and this is what I get in return, to see you tongue fucking Niall Horan’s mouth in the hallowed halls our dear school?” Harry snorted because _hallowed halls_ was certainly stretching it a bit.

“Look Tyler you don’t underst—“

“Oh I understand alright, I understand perfectly you led me on, toyed with my emotions and used me for my affections—maybe you liked the attention I don’t know why you did it, because if _Whoran’s_ your type than you really had no business going after moi. Niall is just a boring old burger while I’m fillet mignon, he’s the clearance rack, I’m Armani…basically he’s a one-hit-wonder and I’m Beyoncé is what I’m saying here but if you prefer slumming it then really you needn’t have wasted my damn time honey.” Tyler finished, snapping his fingers in Z formation and rolling his neck like an angry Hispanic girl.

All Harry could do was blink. Then blink some more until finally his face puckered up in anger and before he could stop himself he was shoving Tyler out of his face, so hard that it sent the blonde onto his ass with an unmanly shriek.

Aghast Tyler stared up at Harry from his new seat in the grass, his boney ass throbbing but with a new terror in his eyes at the look on the brunette’s face.

“First of all Ty-ler I never led you on, I simply took pity on you, too nice to tell you flat out that you didn’t have a chance—that you _never_ had a chance even if Niall wasn’t in the picture! But he is in the picture and do you know why? Because he’s twice the man you are, and as for you being _Armani_?” Harry paused to bark out a laugh.

“More like the Goodwill _honey_ , so don’t ever let me hear you talking shit about him got it? _You’re_ the one who is trash and it’s about time someone put you in your rightful place _doll face_.” He spat with a roll of is eyes, purposely using the very same nickname Tyler had used for him the first time they spoke.

By now there were tears rolling down Tyler’s face and fogging up his glasses but the blonde couldn’t find it in him to wipe them away, couldn’t even find the strength to move—he’s gone numb all over with embarrassment, with fear but mostly with devastation at being rejected so coldly.

Harry stood over Tyler, chest heaving slightly with the effort it took him to say all that and truthfully he was already regretting being so harsh with the other boy, something he’d never do usually, but with his  current foul mood thanks to the Liam situation coupled with having to stand there and listen to Tyler bad mouth a mate let alone someone he thought he was in love with was all too much to endure and it was like he just burst like a dam and every hurtful thing he’d ever wanted to tell anyone in his entire life but instead bit his tongue came rushing out of him in that moment with no way of stopping them.

And it felt horrible now, looking down at Tyler bawling unabashedly, knowing he was responsible for that kind of pain and knew that come tomorrow he’d be knocking on Tyler’s door with an apology and perhaps some candy nicked out of Zayn’s secret stash but for now he simply stuck his nose up and made a show of stepping over the blonde to continue on his way, only wincing slightly at the heart-wrenching sob that followed in his wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and as always feel free to share your feels with me!!! 
> 
> <3 Jen


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Usual warnings apply bc i'm never quite sure what will be triggering for someone**
> 
> I got a bit ramble-y in places so sorry for that and that's about it, don't really know what else to say lol. 
> 
> Enjoy!!!

The boys are kept in anxious suspense for two full days before an announcement is made that Monday morning in homeroom with Ms. Phillips letting everyone know that Liam is going through some personal things and has been moved to a single room for the time being and that while he isn’t currently allowed any visits if anyone wanted to write him a card or send him any well wishes a staff member would be more than happy to pass the sentiment along.

There’s a restless energy that hangs over everyone after that because Liam wasn’t just a pillar of strength for his friends it seems he was sort of the whole school’s golden boy and a lot of kids felt suddenly hopeless and unscheduled trips to the counselors’ offices doubled as kids turned up with their distraught feelings on the matter.

Louis is still determined to find Ed, figuring they’d get the most information out of the ginger but he finally relents when he gets a look at Ed during dinner that evening, the already naturally pale boy—now utterly ashen as he stares blankly ahead of him, food untouched. He looks terrible, as though he hasn’t slept in days. His entire face vacant and worst of all he keeps glancing over to their table not seeing any of them, just looking to Liam’s empty seat before squeezing his eyes shut tight and turning away again as if just the sight of Liam’s chair was too painful to bear.

Zayn’s back at his usual table tonight but much like Ed he keeps glancing over at them, unable to focus on the story Justin was currently telling about how he nearly convinced Selena to blow him the other day, honestly too worried to care. Worried about Liam, worried about his mates—hell even Ed was giving him an uneasy feeling in the pit of his belly and it was just so frustrating that he couldn’t’ t just walk over to Louis and hold him like he was dying to all because they had appearances to keep up.

Speaking of appearances, he sighed as he felt not for the first time Perrie slip a hand under the table to grope him. There was a time that a spark would light up within him from just her touch and he’d be counting the seconds until the two of them could sneak off into the woods to make good on the teasing promise, but now it just made him squirm uncomfortably because it wasn’t Louis' fingers walking themselves up his inner thigh.

And the worst part was he couldn’t even ask her to stop, because that would raise too many questions he wasn’t ready to answer. Hell just the other night she’d caught him by the arm right before entering the boy’s dorm and dragged him to the side of the building where they could be alone for a moment.

_“Hey stranger, haven’t seen you in a bit—not since you’ve decided to sit with Niall and his bunch full time now, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you were avoiding me.”_

_“What? No of course not I uh, just well you know there’s something up with Leeyum yeah?”_

_“I’ve heard whispers…what’s Payne gone and got himself into this time?” She asked with a playful smirk because it has always been a bit of a joke between them to take the piss out of Mount Serenity’s golden boy, but this time Zayn wasn’t laughing, just shook his head gravely successfully driving the smile right off the blonde’s face as she finally caught up._

_“It’s not good Pez, Lou—uh Tomlinson thinks he’s relapsed.”_

_“Relapsed? Liam? Give it a rest Zayn.”_

_“I’m serious.”_

_“Well fuck me, didn’t think a thing like that could ever happen tell the truth.”_

_“Yeah, neither did I…so we’ve all just been trying to figure something’s out.”_

_“Like what” Zayn shrugged helplessly._

_“I dunno like why he did it? What set him off that sort of stuff.”_

_“Now I just feel awful, all the dirty things I’ve been saying about you to the girls thinking you were just finished with me and too much of a prat to lemme know it, but here you are going through a right mess over yer mate…turns out I’m the prat.”_

_“No, Pez, no—never, you didn’t know, how could you?” Big glassy blue eyes turned up to him, bottom lip jutted out in a pout._

_“So you’re not finished with me then?” Zayn bit his own lip, not wanting to stall for long because silence at a time like this, spoke louder than any words could and while he and Louis were indeed boyfriends they also decided to keep up appearances which unfortunately included his whatever-you-wanna-call-it-ship with Perrie even if he no longer felt the same way about her, he still adored her but only as a friend—anything else he had Louis for._

_But of course he couldn’t tell her that, not without raising suspicions so shoving aside the last of his reservations he forced a flirty smile, using the hand she still held his in to tug her close to him and smiled down at her before pecking her lips gently, murmuring:_

_“Cos not you ninny you’re my girl aren’t ya?” Something like relief mixed with something else etched itself on her round face, suspicion, disappointment he couldn’t really tell but he saw it all the same and chewed on the inside of his cheek in order not to let his worry show._

_“Am I? Don’t see no ring on dis finger.” She joked, wiggling her left hand at him playfully. He forced out a laugh._

_“And you won’t be seeing one for a long long time either, but maybe I can make it up to you another way?”_

_“I’m listening.” She said, tilting her head inquisitively, batting her eyelashes._

_“How about you and me tomorrow night at the boulder?” He offered with an exaggerated eyebrow wiggle._

_“Hmm, sounds fun. I like the way you think Malik.” She cooed, bopping him on the nose once and this time his laughter was a bit more genuine because she really was a funny, clever girl and a great friend who he’d hate to hurt._

_She just wasn’t Louis._

Tuning back into the conversation, Zayn made sure to throw Perrie a private smile that got her to finally remove her hand from his thigh, satisfied that her message had been read loud and clear. Zayn let out the breath he’d been holding and made a comment about Justin’s dick being too small that had the whole table roaring while Justin sputtered, trying to defend himself on _lil Biebs’_ behalf.

Things were pretty quiet at the other table with Louis not even pretending to eat a single bite off his plate but Harry still felt like he owed it to Liam to at least try and get the older boy to eat something though his words fell on deaf ears as Louis barely dragged his eyes away from the now cold chicken kiev sat on his plate.

Niall was no help either, shoveling forkful after forkful of food into his mouth every time Harry so much as looked like he was going to ask him something. So the curly haired boy finally just gave up and focused on finishing his own meal.

When they were all through Louis went off to his room without a word but before Niall could follow him, Harry called out to the blonde. Groaning under his breath Niall turned around reluctantly.

“Hey you think we could go somewhere to talk?” Niall groaned again, but this time he managed to keep his displeasure inside.

The thing was he was really beginning to hate talking, that’s all anyone around here ever wanted to do anymore was talk, if it wasn’t Cher prodding him, trying to get him weepier than a celeb in a Barbara Walter’s interview, it was Cowell having them sit around in a circle spilling their secrets and singing kumbaya and now he had Harry constantly breathing down his neck wanting to _talk_ —if he’d known getting into the younger lad’s pants would cost him so much he might not have even bothered.

Ok, that’s a lie. Contrary to how he may act, Niall did actually like Harry for more than his dick; they were mates and maybe even a bit more. The thing Niall hated was that Harry needed to hear it, needed to be told what they were all black and white like and the truth is that’s not how Niall operates, nothing about his life is ever that clear cut he couldn’t just tell Harry that he liked him, that if he would only have a bit of patience that Niall could even want to be *gulp* boyfriends.

You see Niall was more about actions, he’d rather show someone how he felt than tell them, always has been that way, blame it on his Irish heritage. It was much easier for him to offer to suck someone off than look them in the eye and tell them how brilliant he thought they were, easier to reach down into their pants and give them a quick wank than admit that he might possibly be falling for them.

Now looking up into those awaiting green eyes, that he’s seen hooded in pleasure as his mouth drove their owner over the edge, shining down at him with hope, begging him for more than he’s willing to give he finds himself nodding before he can stop the action, because no matter how hard he fought it, Harry had wormed his way in, claiming a soft spot somewhere deep inside of him as his own.

“Yeah alright, meet me in the left wing second floor stairwell—got me a spliff I bummed off of Foster the other day, was saving it to smoke with Zee but what the Bradford bad boy don’t know won’t hurt ‘im eh?” Harry didn’t even bother to point out that Niall hadn’t asked if he smoked just grinned back and said he’d be there.

XXX

Harry is there waiting when Niall comes downstairs, spliff already between his lips as he flicks the lighter on. He takes two hearty tokes before offering it to Harry who frowns but takes the joint and brings it to his own lips just as Niall lets the smoke slowly trickle out the side of his mouth. Already feeling the weed take effect as he relaxes noticeably, taking a seat on the third step from the bottom.

Out of practice Harry predictably chokes on his first inhale, coughing embarrassingly while Niall chuckled slightly and gestured for Harry to go again.

“S’alright its shit stuff anyway, word of advice never go to Foster for weed, I only took it because it was free and shit weed is better than none yeah? Everyone knows if you’re looking for quality dro you go to Omar or there’s this senior up on the third floor goes by the name Peep—no idea what his actual name is but he’s got the primo hook up for just about anything you could think of to need, real hush-hush to a true professional, you’ll never get caught when dealing with him. Me? I prefer to buy local though, O’s my man ya know?”  

Harry nodded along as Niall prattled on, successfully inhaling on the third try and handing it off to the blonde. Harry held the smoke in as long as he could, relishing in the familiar burn, he’d never been a huge smoker but he dabbled from time to time.

His first time was when he was just a Freshman and it seemed like everyone else in his school smoked or had at least tried it once and thinking this could be his way in he bought a shit ton off of one of the more popular kids and spent a whole weekend teaching himself how to smoke it, getting more high off of the smoke that filled the air of his bedroom that any of the failed tokes he’d taken. He brought what was left to school that Monday and went in search of the potheads who could almost always be found bunking off class in favor of lighting up under the bleachers. He offered the rest of his stash to a guy named Steven in exchange of lessons on how to properly smoke a joint.

Steven had been all too happy to oblige and even invited Harry round a couple more afternoons after that day. He was a pro by the time Spring Break rolled around, but by Sophomore year with Steven graduated out of school Harry was once again on his own and smoking weed had quickly lost its appeal for him—he mostly used it to de-stress every now and again after a particularly grueling day at school or for when his dad decided not to come home for a week.

But now watching Niall’s cheeks hallow out as he puffed at the joint, taking it deep and closing his eyes as he held it in tight before once again he slowly released the sweet smelling smoke, Harry watched as it curled artfully in the air and instantly gained a new appreciation for the drug because that had to be one of the hottest things he’s ever witnessed in all of his seventeen years.

Niall instantly took a second hit, this time opening his eyes to mere slits he grinned lazily over to Harry before crooking a finger and beckoning the taller boy over. Harry’s legs moved of their own will, carrying him over to stand between the blonde’s splayed knees, bending down just enough for Niall to reach out and snag the gapping collar of his t-shirt dragging him  down and towards his own pink bow of a mouth, pressing a dry kiss to Harry’s lips.

 Letting go of his hold on Harry’s collar in order to bring that same hand down to Harry’s side where he tickled him with wriggling fingers making the younger lad gasp and Niall was finally  able to blow his smoke directly into Harry’s mouth. The heady smoke felt even heavier coming from Niall’s mouth and going straight to Harry’s head making him feel light as air and happy all over, nothing like the E of a few nights ago, he was still well aware of where he was and who he was and the walls certainly weren’t singing to him (thank god) but he felt something, something warm and fuzzy and even a bit giddy.

Niall flicked his tongue into Harry’s mouth, giving the other boy’s mouth a quick once over before he pulled back and smiled wide, showing all of his teeth as he held the last of the joint out to him. Harry gave the spliff a considering eye before he shook his head and nodded for Niall to go ahead and finish it off.

The seated  boy shrugged not having to be told twice, figuring he could use the extra high if he was going to survive this talk Harry was so insistent on having. So he sucked the joint down to the roach before stubbing it out on the wall and wetting it with his tongue for good measure before wisely stuffing it into the pocket of his cargo shorts just until he could get to a bathroom to flush it. When he was done he looked up to Harry expectantly.

At first Harry just stood there staring back, his head still a bit clouded from the weed and the smell that clung to the air in the stairwell even now, but he soon realized that it was up to him to start the conversation and once he did he blushed and brought his hands up in front of him, wringing them nervously as he finally opened his mouth.

“This all is pretty nuts ain’t it?”

“What is?”

“This Liam thing like Liam” he moved forward to whisper just loud enough for his voice to carry over to the blonde “relapsing.” Niall snorted, couldn’t help it and shook his head.

“Haz, there’s no one else here you can use your full voice, relapsing, Liam relapsed, ‘sides just about everyone knows it after morning announcements they didn’t have to spell it out for everyone to learn the score yeah?”

“Erm sure, but like it still feels weird to like acknowledge it right? I mean it’s not just me is it? You knew him longer.”

“It’s not just you Haz, wanna know the truth I still haven’t been able to fully wrap me head around it, it’s like Payno ya know? The real Batman if there ever was one and like he’s always busy saving someone or trying to his best to anyway—that it’s pretty rotten luck that the one time he was the one who needed a hand and there was no one there. We all had our heads shoved so far up our own arses, didn’t see he was suffering…don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for failing him.”

Harry stood with his jaw lying somewhere on the floor as Niall opened up to him—truly let him in for the first time, no jokes or smiles to soften his words. Now he sat with his chin in hand, glaring down at the floor as if it were at fault.

“It’s no wonder he was so cold there at the end, only hanging around us for meals and the like –basically whenever it couldn’t really be avoided—don’t blame him. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if he never forgave any of us. Why should he? We showed our true colors didn’t we? Showed him whatta group of selfish twats he’d picked for mates.” Harry winced as Niall’s voice cracked with emotion and he politely looked away as the blonde quickly brought a hand up to swipe angrily at his eyes—he’d never seen Niall this vulnerable before and reckoned the blonde would rather he not gawk at him as he cried.

He may not have known the blonde for long but what he’s gathered in the little time he had known him, he knew that Niall kept his feelings in check and was a very proud and private person—the fact that he hadn’t gotten up and left was already an attest to how much he’d come to trust Harry, the taller boy didn’t want to ruin it by accidentally crossing any boundaries.

He waits until Niall’s wet sniffles and slightly hiccupped breaths have subsided to step forward, resting a comforting hand on the blonde’s shoulder that he half expects to be shrugged off and is pleased when it isn’t.

“He‘d never think that and you know it Ni…Liam he has to know that if we’d had any idea that we—Lou, Zayn all of us would’ve been there for him, I think right now it might be hard for him to think along those lines and perhaps yeah he may even blame us a bit—but like everyone keeps saying him being in solitary is actually a good thing, at least now he’s stopped hurting himself.”

“Yeah that’s ‘cause they have him strapped down to a bloody bed don’t they!?!” Niall reminded bitterly and Harry watched as his lip began to wobble again and quickly thought up another topic.

“Uh speaking of being strapped to a bed, have you see Tyler around lately?”

“What?” Niall asked, confused by Harry’s sudden topic switch one minute they were talking about a mate and the next he’s asking about the school wack-o. “No, why would I?” He spat maybe a bit harsher than he normal on account of how Tyler rubbed him the wrong way.

“I dunno it’s just well we had a tiff a couple of days ago out on the green, my head was still throbbing from coming down off the E and I was really upset about Liam and the very last thing I needed was to be approached by Tyler pointing his finger in my face and sassing me out about leading him on or summat.”

“What do’ya mean?”

“I dunno I guess he saw us kissing in the school halls the day of my birthday and like wanted to know why I was playing him if I was with you all along.”

“But you’re not _with_ me.” Niall pointed out, his voice taking on a bit of a whiney tone. Harry rolled his eyes.

“Yeah alright I guess that was the next thing I was going to ask anyway how you felt about Tyler or anyone knowing about us but I guess that answers that.”

“Fuck me, Tyler has one of the biggest mouths in school, news that the two of us are a thing will be all over the place in no time.”

“Not necessarily I mean he was pretty upset when I walked away and besides he’s had two full days to inform the MS grapevine and I haven’t heard a word.”

“Why was he upset because you chose me over him?” Niall asked and if Harry didn’t know any better he’d think he heard a bit of smugness in the blonde’s tone.

“Uh, sort of?” Harry said, ducking his head slightly.

“What does that even mean?”

“Well, I _did_ choose you over him but I also may have slagged him off a bit, called him pathetic and let him know he never stood a chance…but _way_ meaner than that.”

“No way, are you serious I can’t even picture it let alone believe it.” Niall crowed in half amusement, half disbelief.

“Believe it because it happened and I feel awful about it, I’ve been trying to corner him to apologize ever since but it’s like he’s gone into hiding or something, I mean campus isn’t _that_ big.” The blonde just shook his head, an impressed look plastered on his face.

“Dang Curly didn’t know ya had it in ya…I’ve been intimately acquainted with yer bollocks but I hadn’t realized they were that _big_.” Harry rolled his eyes, groaning loudly.

“God, could you not?” Niall chuckled.

“Alirght alright to tell the truth I wouldn’t be surprised if what all you said sent him into another one of his ‘episodes’, reckon you can’t find him ‘cause he might’ve gotten himself sent back down to the infirmary.”

“Shit, don’t say that Niall I already feel terrible enough as it is.” The Irishman shrugged.

“Sadly, I’m not taking the piss outta ya this time.” Harry bit his lip as he remembered the pained cry that burst from Tyler’s lips as he’d stepped over him like he wasn’t worth another second of him time and how he hadn’t even bothered to look back to make sure the blonde was ok as he walked off—so unlike him but in his defense he hadn’t been feeling much like himself that entire night feeling a bit off kilter and he’d also been defensive about what all Tyler was saying about Niall who was not only the boy who currently held his heart but a really close mate of his, he couldn’t just stand there and listen to Tyler badmouth him.

“So what’d you say to ‘im anyway about me, like when you chose me?”

“Uh I don’t really remember he called you a knock off brand while he was Louis Vuitton and I was like nah bro you’re Goodwill.” Niall threw his head back and cackled and Harry felt the corners of his own mouth twitch wanting to join him but fought the urge.

“Seriously? Oh man that’s priceless mate, look at you defending me honor and shit ‘preciate it.” Harry shrugged because it really wasn’t that big of a deal he’d probably have done it for any of his friends, though he couldn’t deny how personally affronted he’d felt at Tyler’s words, but he decided to keep that bit to himself.

“Think an act like that ought to be rewarded.” Harry tuned back in just in time to hear the blonde mumble out as his hand snaked out to grab Harry much like he had earlier only instead of gripped the collar of Harry’s shirt he hooked a finger in one of the belt loops of Harry’s jeans and yanked the brunette forward until he nearly fell on top of the blonde. “And I know just what’ll do the trick.” He whispered against Harry’s mouth, the heat of his breath fanning over Harry’s lips making him shiver slightly and then they were kissing while Niall’s hands nimbly made work of his fly.

Harry knew he should protest a bit more because they still had so much to talk about or at the very least out of respect for Liam but when Niall took hold of him in his guitar callused grip all thoughts of stopping flew right out the window and instead he whimpered low in his throat, not realizing how much he’d missed Niall’s touch. It’d been far too long since they’d last fooled around and his body was near starved for it, oversensitive and acutely aware of even the slightest of grazes from the blonde’s hand.

“Niall please.” Harry found himself whining as his hips canted forward of their own accord causing his jeans and pants to slip lower on his ass. Niall snickered and tightened his grip, letting his thumb massage over the leaking head.

“Please what, looks like you aim to do all the work yerslf.” He teased; chucking some more but unlike his usual unapologetic braying laughter this one was low and throaty and sent a jolt of arousal straight to Harry’s dick making him keen into the blonde’s touch.

“No, no don’t be an asshole, I just need…you got me so…just _please!_ ”He huffed out in exasperation reaching forward to rest a hand on Niall’s shoulder for balance as he fucked into the warm circle of Niall’s fist, making these desperate noises in the back of his throat that he couldn’t help.

Niall to his credit was no longer laughing, gnawing at his bottom lip his eyes kept darting between watching Harry’s dick slide in and out of his hand and seeing how the pleasure etch itself on Harry’s face.

“Jesus, you’re really going for it eh? Need it bad huh.” Niall said in a playful tone though his facial expression said he was anything but joking.

“Nngh.” Harry grunted, his hips picking up speed as he hunched into himself.

“Don’t even need me do ya…was planning to suck you off but…” Harry whimpered something that was supposed to be please but didn’t even come close, but somehow Niall understood because without a word he ducked forward to take the tip of Harry’s cock in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the crown once and that’s all it took to drive the brunette up onto his tiptoes as he came with a painful cry, his body trembling violently with aftershocks of pleasure. Unable to stand any longer Harry slumped forward landing on top of Niall, his body fitting perfectly between the v of his legs.

Niall pet him through the last of his orgasm, being so gentle that it was all Harry could do not to tear the blonde’s pants open to return the favor, which he planned to do just as soon as he could feel his limbs again. Above him he not only heard but felt the vibrations in the blonde’s chest as he laughed and he realized he must’ve said that last bit out loud.

“S’ok mate, take yer time then.” He teased, still running his fingers through Harry’s curls and he could just imagine the sight they made Niall ‘s much smaller frame cradling Harry between his knees, the brunette’s bare arse sticking up in the air and his dick now soft still hanging out the front of his pants.

In fact that’s the exact sight Troye get’s when he burst through the door seconds later. His mouth hanging open in a wide ‘O’ as he stared at them, not even pretending not to be checking Harry out making Niall frown and move to do his best to cover the younger lad until Harry finally scrambled onto his feet and tucked himself back in, hastily making himself presentable once more.

“Shows over yeah Sivian?” Niall sneered, fixing the freshman with a steely glare that had the younger lad nodding frantically. “Best be moving on then.” Troye was gone seconds later, squeezing passed Niall’s sprawled form to dash up to the third floor.

“Guess I’ll have to take a rain check on you returning the favor huh?”

“In hindsight this might not have been the most ideal location for us to do this, any of it.” Niall snorted his agreement.

“Yeah think you might be right on this one.” He said standing and brushing off any traces of dirt on the seat of his pants.

“Think he’ll say anything?” Harry asked, realizing that for someone who didn’t want it getting around that they were anything more than mates Niall sure made a habit of getting caught in compromising positions by boys with flappy mouths.

“Troye? Doubt it, he’s not as bad as Tyler when it comes to gossiping, besides he knows what’ll happen to ‘im if he even thinks about it.”

“And what’s that?” Harry asked curiously because as far as he knew Niall was the farthest thing from violent. Niall raised an eyebrow, and with the added height of the stairs that made him equal to if not a bit taller than Harry he wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss, murmuring into his mouth:

“Let’s hope you never have to find out.”

XXX

 

Solitary isn’t so bad, Liam thinks as he stares up at the popcorn ceiling, doesn’t really have a choice seeing as he’s lying on his back. It’s quiet, a bit boring and he could definitely do without being strapped down but he doesn’t mind as much because he doesn’t really have anything to say, but the straps that hold him down may stop him from cutting but they can’t keep the hurtful thoughts and hateful words from floating around in his head, can’t chase away the constant image of his brother shaking his head in disappointment, calling him a two time failure

Meals are brought to him three times a day and every two hours his minder is switched out but it’s never Ed and he doesn’t know if he’s grateful or disappointed about that as he remembers that it was Ed who ratted him out, _him._ He’d always thought their relationship went beyond the typical counselor-student bond, not as close as he’d have like—he wasn’t quite _that_ deluded, but close mates at least. So it was really hard for him to believe Ed had really called him in without even talking to him first, without giving him a chance to explain, nothing.

But he did say something, before they all but carried him out of the building he shouted some parting words to the older lad that now having days to calm down he more than regretted, of course he didn’t hate Ed—he could _never_ hate him, but he was still absolutely furious with him, but more than anything he wanted to take his last words to the ginger back, knowing Ed was likely to take something like that to heart.

It’s on the third day—or well probably night by now, he’s no exactly sure as there’s no clock or windows in the room so the days have just sort of started to bleed into each other but he thinks it’s Monday night when the door to his room is opened by Shayne’s replacement and Liam spares the barest of glances at the door to see it’s Ed stood in the doorway. Hushed words are exchanged by the two counselors and Liam suspects he hears Shayne whisper: ‘are you sure’ which is answered with a stiff nod and with a shrug Shayne is gone.

Liam hasn’t been able to sleep in three days and refuses talk to anyone but seeing Ed makes his bottom lip tremble for a minute and he wants so bad to just cry but he won’t he’d never give Ed the satisfaction, Liam reckons he’s expected to blow up again, curse Ed out for betraying him but again he won’t give the older lad the satisfaction of knowing his presence effects him in any way. Instead he means to ignore him completely, forget Ed even exists which he knows will hurt much more.

Ed however surprises him by becoming quite the chatter box, talking the most mindless babble that Liam’s ever heard and it’s so out of character of Ed who definitely graduated from the school of less is more and tended to let his music speak for him, but tonight he won’t shut the fuck up and Liam wants nothing more than to scream for him to _shut the fuck up_ and then Ed does something even more unexpected, he tells Liam the whole story behind his scars.

There Liam was strapped to his bed staring up at the ceiling, waiting for sleep that just won't seem to come and Ed's just sat there finally having run out of drivel, his book untouched in his lap, staring at Liam while the younger lad stared blankly up at the ceiling.

"Did I ever tell you why I was in here?" Ed speaks suddenly and if he weren’t lying down Liam surely would’ve jumped. To his credit Liam doesn't answer, doesn't blink or acknowledge Ed in the slightest but the ginger carries on anyway.

 

“I'd known I was different for a while—like 13-14 at most, knew that girls didn’t really do it for me like boys did but growing up in a male dominant household with a father who dropped the word faggot like sneezes I knew I couldn't ever be out, like not while I still lived under his roof—he'd have killed me. I sort of lied when you asked me that one time about my scars...I didn't do it because of Nina, I mean not entirely she really _had_ broken up with me after 4 years and I _did_ take it pretty rough but not for the reasons you might think, I was fucking scared and I resented her for abandoning me like that, she'd been my cover to keep my dad and anyone else who might have their suspicions, not that I was ever really flamboyant but people notice things in small towns, little things you'd think no one would even pay attention to, they see and then they talk and that talk could potentially get back to my pops yeah? So she was my protection and she promised me that she'd stay with me at least until I graduated and got the hell out of dodge Only she'd met someone that she was sneaking around with behind my back with and he was growing tired of being her ‘dirty little secret’ and apparently gave her an ultimatum and she chose him. “

 

Liam watched Ed, lick his lips to wet them, he wasn’t looking a Liam though he was sat slouched in the chair with his head tilted back mimicking Liam and staring up at the ceiling as well.

 

“Now without Nina to focus on, to distract me from my thoughts, suddenly I was highly aware of just how miserable I was and then _he_ approached me—to this day I still don’t know what I did to give myself away but his named was Pharell and he was gorgeous, smooth caramel skin with a smile that could brighten an entire city block. He was well liked around school, everyone knew ‘Rell he skateboarded and as I would soon find out had the biggest most eclectic music collection I’d even seen, we got on well from the start. At first I wondered why he was just now befriending me after like three years of going to school together, I soon found out when we were in his parent's basement jamming out and smoking pot. He leaned over and kissed me and I finally got it, he'd somehow sniffed me out, he was gay too and for the first time in my life I felt free, even though we had to hide our entire relationship, I’d never felt happier. I gave him everything my first I love you, my virginity and the best part was he loved me back, it was greatest time of my life and then my dad walked in on us and ‘Rell just up and left me, he high tailed it and left me to get wailed on within an inch of my life and kicked out the house to boot.”

 

Ed paused here to regulate his breathing which Liam had noticed accelerate slightly the further into the story he got, worrying his lip every time his dad was mentioned especially.

 

“My mom told me to go to my room and that she'd try talking to him but I could barely move, somehow I managed to crawl upstairs but I couldn't relax, I kept thinking of ‘Rell, namely the look on his face right before he left like I didn't mean shit, like it was him or me and he chose himself 'we' wasn't even an option in his eyes. Then I thought about what all this meant for me, my life would be over. My family knew I liked boys, it wouldn't take long for the entire town to catch on—I'd be ostracized ‘Rell he was an army brat who'd never stayed in the same place for more than 2 years so it probably wouldn't be long before his dad got assigned to a new base but me? I had a whole year and a half of school left before I could go off on my own...the more I thought about it the more I began to panic and then I saw them the scissors sitting out on my desk which was weird because that wasn’t where I usually kept them, but then I remembered the shirt tag I’d had to cut off that morning and picked them up off the table, turning it around in my hands, watching the light glint off the metal blade a few times before I brought it down to one of my wrists—nearly bled out on my bedroom floor before my mum found me.”

 

He shudders at the memory and Liam too feels cold suddenly and he wishes more than anything that he wasn’t trapped down to this bloody bed, that he rush over to Ed and hug him, tell him how important he is, remind him that he matters.

 

“My dad never came to visit me in the hospital and didn't come up here to drop me off; in fact I haven't seen or spoken to him in about five years.” He finishes in a small voice.

 

Liam finally lets go, silent tears falling from his eyes trailing down the sides of his head until they soak into his pillow. Ed is up and out of his chair in a flash and Liam can see there are unshed tears glistening in the older boy’s eyes as well as he sits himself on the edge of the bed, bringing a shaking hand up to push his  slight fringe back off his forehead.

“Lee god, please just tell me why, can you just…” Liam shook his head once, biting his lip and wanting to look anywhere but into those familiar blue eyes that he’s dreamed about an embarrassing number of times.

“Alright, how about how long then? Nick and Greg said that when they examined you they found more cuts…the one at your side was just the newest but it was far from the only one, your _thighs.”_

“A couple of weeks I dunno, didn’t exactly make a note of it in my diary Edward.” Ed ignored the snipe and pressed on.

“Where’d you get the razor then?”

“What razor?”

“The one Ellie found in your hoodie pocket.”

“It was Jack’s but before you say anything he had no clue—had it pretty well hidden too if you ask me but an addict will always be able to sniff out his or her fix.”

“Oh so you’re saying you’re an addict now?”

“Aren’t I though? I’ve got this compulsion to cut that I can’t resist—that I’m will to risk my life for, hurt the people I lo—care about for, sounds like an addiction to me.”

“Now is that all? Because if you don’t mind I’d like to try and get some sleep, which is near impossible with these bloody straps on, I normally sleep on my side, but I can’t turn over if I’m strapped in.” Ed clucked his tongue in thought and stood.

“Alright I’ll go call Cowell about unstrapping you and perhaps being allowed to eat meals in the mess again since you’ve cooperated by answering some of my questions but I’m afraid the 24 hour surveillance will have to remain and just so you know until you tell us what triggered you to start cutting again you won’t be allowed back into your old room yeah?” All that got was a shrug in response, because truthfully Liam didn’t even know if he wanted to go back to sharing a room with Jack, figured he’d be just fine finishing out his final year at MS in a single.

XXX

Liam has not yet been cleared to attend classes so he doesn’t show up for lunch but by the time dinner rolls around the cafeteria is suddenly doused in silence, the entire room letting out a collective gasp as Liam is escorted into the room. He’s wearing a jumper two sizes too big that had once belonged to his father and a baggy pair of sweat pants he’s flanked on either side by Nick and Ed as he goes through the lunch line then makes his way to a small table in the corner that was set up specifically for him. He can feel the eyes of his mates tracking his every move but doesn’t bother to look over at them _not once_ , he eats in record time and before he knows it he is being escorted out the room so fast that the boys can’t even try to speak with him.

Later that night Louis stops by Zayn and Harry’s room under the guise of needing some head petting from Harry but really he wanted to give Zayn the signal they’d made up that meant meet me in the 2nd floor right wing bathroom for some snogging and is confused when he finds Harry sat all alone in the room.

“Hey Lou what’s up?” Harry asks glancing up from his laptop. Louis shrugged and flung himself onto the bed, mindful of Harry’s macbook o rest his head in the younger boy’s lap and demanding to be pet.

“Nothing just a bit thrown at seeing Liam tonight at dinner and the way he refused to look at us, and when he finally did look over it was like he looked through us and it hurt, it hurt a whole lot.” Harry made a sympathetic noise, nodding.

“Yeah I know he looked terrible too, so thin. I just wanted to run over and hug him and never let go but Nick gave me a look, like he knew what I was thinking.” Harry pouted, while he began gently combing his fingers through Louis' hair with the hand not tapping away at his laptop.

“So where’s Malik gotten off too, shower? To wash all that gunk he puts in his hair to get it to do that swirly thing in front?”He asked, shooting for nonchalant and possibly missing, but to his relief Harry just shrugged too distracted by whatever he was doing on his laptop to notice the suspicious look on Louis’ face.

 “I reckon he went to find someone to bum a smoke off of or summat, today has been quite stressful, I’m almost tempted to take up smoking myself.” He deadpanned, still not taking his eyes off the computer screen.

 “Hm, you’re probably right well I only came down here to be a bother but I see you’re actually busy with something so I think I’ll turn in a bit early tonight, I’ll only worry more the longer I am up.”

“About Zayn?” Harry asked, finally dragging his eyes away from the laptop to send Louis and incredulous look. Which Louis returned ten-fold.

“What? Hell no what’re you daft? About _Liam_.” Harry brought is hand to his head in a classic face palm.

“Oh right, yeah I’m with you there, might just answer this last message and then hit then turn in myself.”

“Well then, g’nite Curly.” Harry smiled waving him out.

“Night Tommo.”

Louis took his time heading back to his room, hoping to maybe run into Zayn on the stairs or something along the way but no dice.

He couldn’t help but bite his lip and wonder if he should be worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be lovely
> 
> Follow me/this story on wattpad: http://www.wattpad.com/story/16939750-shed-this-skin-i%27ve-been-tripping-in


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Super duper trigger warning for suicide***
> 
> I went back and forth about how to handle the suicide scene so sorry if it's not what you were expecting but i'll comment further in the end notes...
> 
> Edit: Also this will be my last update for a bit as I am signed up for 2 fic exchanges and need to devote all my writing energy to them but once i am done with those stories it'll be back to this one promise!!!

Liam is slowly given his privileges back in the next few days no longer being strapped to the bed, eating in the cafeteria, and is even allowed an hour or two of internet every night before lights out. He doesn’t yet feel up to returning to his classes so Ed brings his assignments and homework to Liam’s room and sometimes will even stick around to help him out if he needs it.

Meals haven’t been the same with Liam gone; it’s quiet as everyone still stews in their individual guilt for letting their mate down. They’ve taken to staring at each other, studying them. Wondering if there was something they were hiding as well. Zayn has once again been banished from their table indefinitely and every once and a while Harry will catch him staring longingly at their table before turning back to whatever bullshit story his other mates were spewing.

Which isn’t really fair because Conor, Justin and the girls weren’t _all bad_ but it’s obvious that Zayn would much rather be with them at their table if only Louis would climb back down off his high horse but seeing Liam at meals again but not being able to talk to him—hell not even being able to catch his eye from across the room has _really_ been fucking with his head, he just wants to rush over and hold his older mate and never let go—they’d probably need to pry them apart with a bloody crowbar if he had it his way but apparently Liam was no way near ready for that kind of contact.

XXX

After dinner Louis is restless and still really depressed about the whole Liam thing and Niall is being absolutely no help ignoring Louis' pout and constant sighing in favor of leaving silly comments on his mate’s from back home’s Facebook statuses before hopping in the shower.

So Louis decides to go downstairs to bother Harry and maybe him and Zayn can finally sneak off somewhere and have some alone time, on the way he nearly runs into Justin who is cursing Conor over his shoulder, screeching something about him being a jizz guzzling cheater and Louis can’t help but roll his eyes because he’s honestly never met anyone so into Pokémon battles in his life and he thought him and Stan were bad back in sixth form, pfft they had _nothing_ on these two gits.

When Louis gets there he doesn’t bother knocking, just throws the door open and strikes a sassy pose, with a huge cheesy smile on his face.

“Have no fear I am here…I know—I know your life has been so dull and vacant since the last time you’ve seen me.” Harry snorts from his desk chair that is empty and usable for once rather than being full of books or dirty laundry.

“Right, in the whole twenty minutes since we had dinner, life has lost all meaning and motive.”

Louis laughs once, finally dropping the act and enters the room, his shoulders drooping noticeably when he spies Zayn’s bed, empty once again.

“Hmm, I’m sure it has but like I said I am here now to remedy all that because I’m just so charitable in that way…wanna play cards or something I’m bored out of my skull and if I don’t find something to do I’ll just end up huddled in a corner somewhere rocking back and forth thinking about Li and how he basically hates me.” Louis whimpered, flopping down onto Harry’s bed and dramatically throwing his arm over his eyes.

“Lou, he does not hate you, me or any of us don’t be daft!” Letting his arm fall to his side Louis sat up with most of his weight supported on his elbows as he narrowed his eyes at his mate.

“No? Then why won’t he even _look_ at us anymore?” Harry shrugged.

“Maybe he’s ashamed? Not everything is about you Lou…he’s probably embarrassed at being caught cutting again, upset that he even started up again in the first place, like he must be going through something really shitty right now and he’s doing it all on his own since he won’t bloody tell anyone what triggered it so maybe he’s just trying to figure things out.” Louis fell to his back once more glaring at the ceiling.

“Well if he’s so upset about having to do this _alone_ then why would he continue to cut us off and pull away from the people who care and are trying to help…and more importantly why are Nick and Ed _letting_ him do it?” Harry shrugged a second time, marking the page of the text he’d been reading before Louis barged in and tossed it onto his desk before turning to fully face Louis.

“I don’t think it’s really their call, like everyone is pretty much playing the waiting game, until Liam shares the cause for his relapse and they’re handling him with kid gloves so as not to set him off again or so Nick said…he can’t really talk about it obviously but they know we’re a special case so he’s taking certain liberties with me that counselors don’t usually ya know?”

“Yeah Ed and Greg have been that way with me a bit but it’s still not enough to put me at ease.”

“Understandable, but you’ve just got to give it time babe.” Louis' lower lip pouted out as he instantly brought his arms up to cross over his chest.

“Fine, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.” He said petulantly.

“I know.” Harry agreed in an accommodating tone.

Louis sighed loudly realizing the point was moot and rolled onto his side, finally nodding his chin at Zayn’s empty, unmade bed.

“So where’s captain quiff tonight?” Harry pulled an amused face.

“Captain quiff? I would think that title applied more to Grimmy than Zayn.”

“True, maybe skunk head is a better fit?” The curly lad rolled his eyes.

“Oh god that’s honestly _worse_ but for the sake of staying on track I’ll allow it and I’ve no idea…he muttered something about meeting up with Justin before he left but he’s been disappearing more often these days, like we haven’t had night time confessions in ages because he’s gone for so long I end up falling asleep before he returns.” Louis' eyes widened comically but if Harry noticed he didn’t comment.

He knew that Zayn had obviously lied about meeting up with Justin since he’d bumped into Bieber in the hall on his way down; this made something churn unpleasantly inside him, wondering what Zayn could be getting up to that he felt he needed to lie to Harry about it.

So of course his mind took him to the worst case scenario.

“Really so do you think he’s spending every night in the woods with Perrie then?” The older lad asked, his tone purposely blasé, not giving anything away.

“No idea but it makes the most sense no?” Louis nodded frowning.

“I suppose, must be nice that, to have someone to turn to at a time like this…a partner to support you when you need it the most.” Harry sent him a positively devastated look, scooting his chair closer to the bed so that he could pat Louis' hip.

“Aww Lou does someone need a cuddle?” Louis couldn’t help but smile as he tilted his head, considering the offer before finally nodding.

“Could go for one yeah.” He agreed in his most pathetic tone and before he could blink he was being cuddled into the wall, with his face pressed tightly to Harry’s chest and the funny this is, it really did help as he instantly felt some of the tension leave his body causing him to sigh heavily and lean back the tiniest bit in order to look up at Harry with huge blue eyes.

“Why couldn’t we have just fallen for one another Harold? Why’d you have to fall for that Irish bastard of a roommate of mine huh?” Harry drew back a bit, obviously caught off guard by the question but quickly schooled his face once more in order to shake his head.

“God please don’t remind me! Life would be about 1000 times less complicated if I had…” Harry said with a laugh, trying to pull Louis back to his chest but the older lad resisted now grinning up at him with a suspicious glint in his eye.

“Hmm yeah but I’m not so sure you could really handle it anyway.” He said cryptically, causing Harry‘s forehead to wrinkle.

“Handle _what_?”

“All this jelly.”  Louis finished, trying his best to twerk while lying down and being cuddled. Harry threw his head back with an obnoxious bark of laughter.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You love me.” Louis insisted.

“I really do.”

“Just not as much as you love snogging Niall and touching his willy.”

“Louis!”  The slighter boy just shrugged innocently.

“What, s’true!” Harry still looked completely scandalized but he relented with a nod.

“Fine but must you be so crass about it?” Louis pretended to think it over.

“Wouldn’t really be me if I wasn’t yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah I suppose you’re right.” Again Louis shrugged as if to say _well duh._

“Cos I am.”

The two were quiet for a while after that just lying there in each other’s arms, if anyone were to walk in on them at that moment they would definitely think they were a couple or summat by how intimate they looked with Louis' leg now flung over Harry’s hip and his cheek smashed into the taller boy’s chest but no one did, walk in on them that is and the longer Louis stared at the empty half of the room where Zayn ought to be the more miserable he became.  He nearly jumped out of his skin when Harry finally spoke, disrupting their silence.

“You still up for cards then? We’ve still got a bit of time before lights out.” Louis didn’t even need to think about it, he couldn’t stand a minute longer in this room waiting for Zayn to finally return and instead wordlessly wriggled out of Harry’s embrace and slipped out of the bed entirely.

“Naw, but ta for the cuddle, really helped a lot.” Harry preened; there really was no other word for it.

“No problem these arms are here and open whenever you need them.” Louis chuckled as he made his way to the door.

“Thanks babe, I’m really glad to know you.” Harry’s smile in return was soft and all sorts of fond.

“I’m really glad to have you in my life too Lou.”

XXX

Louis sulks back to his room only to find Niall already tucked in and snoring and rolls his eyes before stripping to his pants and climbing into his own bed.

Only he can’t for the life of him actually fall asleep as he lies on his back watching the shadows dance on the walls. Then suddenly acting on a funny feeling he moves up onto his knees and crawls over to peek out his window only to gasp when he spies Zayn and Perrie walking hand in hand as he walked her back to her dorm.

Even though it hurt like hell to see Louis couldn’t make himself look away even after the couple kissed briefly before she skipped up the steps and into the building.

Louis finally ducks out of sight after that even if he was pretty sure it was near impossible for Zayn to see him spying on them from such a distance. The truth was he didn’t think he could stomach looking at the other boy for a moment longer.

If he had still been watching, he would’ve seen Zayn wipe ferociously at his mouth the minute Perrie was out of sight, would’ve noticed the aggravated look on the darker boy’s face.

XXX

That Wednesday Harry jolts up in bed, alarmed by the loud ringing going off in the halls. Zayn cursed into his pillow at Harry and told him to turn his fucking alarm off before he wrung his bloody neck. Harry rasps back that it isn’t _his_ alarm and looking to his clock he realizes he still has two hours before his alarm is set to go off, he says as much which causes Zayn to sit up as well realizing it’s the emergency lock down alarm that’s going off.

“Fuck, what could it mean?” Harry asked his words still slurred from sleep.

“Anything really, my bet is someone tried running or got caught with some kind of substance in their possession, probably a newbie...They’re always so lazy and uninventive about sneaking off to do their shit. Means we’re not allowed to leave our rooms for any reason though which sucks, can’t even leave to take a piss or nothing.”

“A re you serious, where do they expect us to go then?” Zayn shrugged lazily.

“You hold it or I dunno if you’re feeling super rebellious you can stick yer dick out the window and do—don’t really care one way or the other really. Me? I’m gonna try and get some more sleep.” He said and promptly folded his pillow over his head and ears.

Harry shot his back an incredulous look because really how could Zayn possibly think he was going to be able to get back to sleep with those alarms blaring just outside their door but not a moment later he heard soft snores coming from the other side of the room.

“Amazing.” He said aloud, truly impressed then shook his head and reached for is Macbook figuring if nothing else he could catch up on some blogging.

XXX

They wouldn’t find out the reason for the alarm until hours later when classes were cancelled and a shaken Sean Weiss made his Facebook status of: _R.I.P Tyler, you were completely mad but an ok sort._ He was forced to take it down mere minutes later but it was already too late and enough of Sean’s mates had read it and the news of Tyler’s death had spread throughout campus like a wild fire.

It turns out Tyler hung himself from the bathroom light fixture with his bed sheets, he was found by the unsuspecting Sean who’d had the misfortune of needing to piss at around 2AM that night. The floor monitor for the night James had found him screaming bloody murder and quickly sprung into action—regretfully having to ask Sean for his assistance as he hefted Tyler’s body up before asking Sean to slip the sheet from around the blonde’s neck.

Once down James laid Tyler flat on his back and proceeded to try and resuscitate him and handing Sean his walkie –talkie and instructing him to call in a code red with their location.

After back-up arrived Sean was mercifully taken to get some hot chocolate by another counselor to calm down, knowing that he’d need to talk about what he’d just witnessed while someone else put the lock down into affect.

XXX

After word of Tyler’s passing gets around school Simon has no choice but to make a tasteful  announcement without giving away too many details and then informs the student body that as always around the clock counseling is available should they need it. Lock down is still in affect but bagged lunches are brought to everyone’s rooms and afterwards they’re allowed to travel within the dorm—visiting each other’s rooms as long as they didn’t leave the building.

To say Harry was freaking out would be an understatement.

He was immediately overcome with guilt and distress upon hearing about Tyler’s death, at once blaming himself but before he can say anything to his roommate on the matter Zayn disappears once more without a word much to Harry’s dismay. Left to his own devices Harry switched off the lights and buried himself in his blankets, staring blankly at nothing as he really lets his thoughts and guilt fester.

Fortunately there’s a knock at the door and Harry would’ve expected to find Louis on the other side of it, though the fact that the person _knocked_ pretty much gave away that it probably wasn’t.  Instead it’s a shock of bleached blonde that pops through the crack in the door.

“Hiya Haz.” Niall greets with just his head and shoulders through the doorway. His normally wide smile muted as he addresses the other boy with caution. “Where’s Zee gone?” He asks glancing over to the darker boy’s bed. All Harry can muster is to shrug his shoulders.

“Your guess is as good as mine.” He mutters out, voice muffled by his comforter.

Niall enters the room without waiting for permission, takes in Harry’s state on the bed, namely the fact that he’s covered up to his nose with just his eyes and curls peeking out and slowly makes his way to the edge of his bed before taking a seat.

Harry tries to ignore him, preferring to stew in his misery but Niall has never been one to easily be ignored and this time is no different. Reaching out he flicks Harry in the space between his eyes making the brunette yelp out in pain, letting his blanket fall below his chin.

“What the fuck Niall?”

“Why’re you being such a twat?” Niall asked tactlessly, causing Harry jaw to drop.

“Why do you think asshole…have you been sleeping all day or something? Haven’t you heard the news about Tyler?” A bit of understanding teased the edges of Niall’s nonchalant demeanor but he otherwise remained unchanged.

“Of course I have…had to piss in an empty water bottle at around eight this morning on account of the bloody lock down.”

“So you know he went and off'd himself then? Some kid two rooms down who is close mates with Sean—you know the guy who found Tyler told him Tyler hung himself.”

“Fuck.” Niall cursed and _finally_ something like horror etched itself on the blonde’s face.

“ _Yeah_ so I’m really sorry if I’m a bit anti-social at the mo but I might’ve caused an innocent boy to off himself.” Niall blinked in confusion, going so far as to shake his head slightly to clear it.

“Wait what? Haz are you taking the piss right now?” Again Harry had the urge to smack the other boy upside his head at his stupidity.

“Why the fuck would I be cracking jokes at a time like this?” Niall held his arms up in defense.

“That’s what I’m sayin’ because you can’t possibly really think you’re to blame for all this.” Harry stared down at his comforter, drawing patterns in the fabric with is finger as he spoke:

“Aren’t I though? What all I said to him the day after my birthday I just…I’ll never be able to forgive myself, I’m the reason he—he…” Niall firmly shook his head.

“That’s bollocks Harry! Sure what you said might’ve upset him…it _was_ a bit harsh but it’s not what set him off, I’m sure of it. I know you’re still new around here but you can’t go blaming yerself for every little thing that goes down or it’ll drive you madder than you were when you came.” Harry considered that for a minute then shook his own head and pressed on.

“But you said it yourself the other day in the stairwell that what I said might’ve sent him into another one of his fits so what’s to say he didn’t go into a spell that ended with him hanging himself?”

“Christ because it just _didn’t_ alright? Everyone here—we’ve been through so much shit that landed us here yeah? Do you really think Oakley couldn’t take a bit of a slagging?” Harry opened his mouth to speak but Niall didn’t pause long enough for him to get a word out.

“He’d get shit from his _own_ personalities for fucks sake…I once had a full on conversation with the one Beau I think…called Tyler a wanker that needed to stop acting like a limp dick and get laid for ten minutes straight.” Harry wasn’t laughing, but frowning.

“I cannot even believe you right now Niall Tyler is dead and you’re seriously going to sit there and tell bullshit stories like that about him, you honestly have no shame do you?”

“It’s not bullshit…”

“You know what I’ve heard enough get the fuck out of my room, I don’t know what I was thinking confiding in you of all people you never take anything seriously!”

“Look Haz…” Niall started again, desperate to get him to calm down.

“I said get out!” Frightened by the fire in Harry’s eyes Niall stood from the bed and slowly backed his way to the door, having never seen the other boy this angry.

“Fine, but just don’t…” He tried one last time but the taller boy was full glaring now a look that would rival even Louis'.

“Out!”  He shouted a final time and the blonde had no choice but to comply and scurried from the room.

With his back pressed to the other side of the door Niall bit his lip. He hated seeing Harry like that, blaming himself for something that was so obviously out of his control it was almost ridiculous. That Harry would be so vain as to think he single-handedly was responsible for an 18+ year old mental sickness. Niall also knew he’d only managed in making things worse by making light of Harry’s feelings but Niall just couldn’t believe the crap Harry was spouting didn’t want to hear any more of it.

But now he feared that Harry might do something equally as stupid out of guilt, Niall would like to think Harry was stronger—smarter than to do something like that but then again he’d thought the same of Liam and look where _he_ ended up, so deciding not to take any chances Niall straightened up, squaring his shoulders and sets off to find Grimmy.

XXX

 

Grimmy takes the matter all the way to Simon who decides that perhaps the students are going to need more than a statement on the matter and puts together a small indoor candlelight vigil in Tyler’s memory down in the school’s auditorium.

They place a large picture of Tyler’s smiling face on the stage front and center surrounded by candles and flowers picked by a few girls he was close to and all his friends and former classmates are of course encouraged to go up and add flowers, leave little notes or gifts and can even share their favorite memories of the lad.

There are lots of tears and laughing through said tears but overall it seems like the vigil was helping, give a lot of the students the closure they so desperately needed.

Towards the end of the service it’s Simon’s turn to go up onstage and say a few words, He starts  by saying what a shame it is to lose someone so promising and full of life so soon but that it was no one’s fault. He then informed them all that Tyler had unwisely been skipping on his meds and that was why he did what he did—really driving  home the importance of taking your prescribed medication. He finishes up by emphasizes again that it was no one’s _fault_ and it’s not Harry’s imagination that Simon looks pointedly at him when he says this, making Harry stiffen in his seat and lean forward in order to look across Louis at Niall who turns at that exact moment so their eyes meet.

“Did you fucking narc on me?”

“What?” Louis asks surprised before realizing Harry wasn’t talking to him but to Niall.

“No Haz, I swear! I did tell Grimmers but I’d never throw you to Cowell.” The blonde insisted.

“What’re you two going on about?” Louis asks again but is deliberately ignored.

“Oh great, just fucking great Niall thanks a lot!”

“Harry come on I did it because I was worried about you and I nearly lost one mate holding my tongue wasn’t gonna risk losing you too.”

“Someone tell me what’s going on, tell me _something_ …please.” Louis whines tired of ping-ponging between the two but instead of appeasing him Harry’s expression goes cold and distant as he closes himself off from the and shrugged causally.

“Nah, its cool Louis, everything’s fine.”

“It’s not—“ Niall starts but Harry cuts him off with a look.

“It’s _fine!_ ” He snaps again.

Harry knows Louis isn’t going to drop it just like that and that he’ll most likely hound Niall about it further when they’re back in their room but for now he faces forward, sitting back in his seat once more, tired of Niall’s bullshit, tired of Niall in general.

XXX

 

Meanwhile way in the back of the auditorium sat Liam with Ed who’d tried to discourage Liam from attending the ceremony in his current state but Liam was insistent on paying his respect and saying his last goodbye, sure he hadn’t really known Tyler all that well but he still knew of the other boy, knew him to be nice and funny if a bit odd—but then wasn’t everyone their own brand of crazy when you really thought about it?

It’s in the middle of Sean speaking about how much he was going to miss Tyler and how he wished that he hadn’t had to see him the way he had that morning, that he’d much rather remember Tyler the way he looked in his picture—huge smile and shining eyes. That Liam breaks down, suddenly letting out this long loud cry of agony that has nearly everyone in the room turning to look at him, his mates’ eyes widen having not even realized he’s turned up for the vigil.

There are tears streaming down his face and Ed turns to meet him just in time for the younger lad to desperately fist the front of his t-shirt before burying his soaked face into Ed’s chest. Ed hugs him back tightly, not caring who might see.

For the first time his friends seem him not perfectly composed Liam Payne, but human.

“I don’t want that to be me Ed…but I just have all these _thoughts_ and the only way to release them is to cut them out of me! What I did….they won’t let me forget and then Zayn almost drowned because I wasn’t thinking…it was Louis, _Louis_ of all people who saved him, not me….I failed someone I love again Ed!” Liam sobbed wetly, drawing back enough to look up at Ed in repentance.

 Ed and Leona rush Liam back to his single room to settl down,

XXX

 

The auditorium is just clearing out when Zayn catches Louis by the elbow and tugs him down a vacant hallway, gently pushing him up against the wall. It’s dark in the hall but Louis’ blue eyes practically glow as they stare at him. Zayn licks his lips as his eyes land on the older boy’s own and Louis can tell Zayn wants to kiss him and has a five second inner panic attack because the last thing he wants to do right now is snog the cheating bastard, so he not so subtly tilts his head down and away from Zayn’s mouth.

Zayn sucks his teeth in disappointment.

“Hey where’ve you been? I went looking for you earlier but you weren’t in your room.”

“Oh really? You were looking for _me_?” Louis asked sounding overly surprised much to Zayn’s confusion.

“Uh yeah wanted to make sure you were alright like with the Liam stuff and now with Tyler…”

“Oh I’m just peachy thanks for asking Malik, now if that’s all…” Louis said, his voice dripping with false sweetness and if Zayn flinched at the use of his last name the other boy ignored it.

“No that’s not _all_ ; the fuck’s your problem Lou?” The slighter boy blinked innocent eyes at him but this only made Zayn’s frown deepen.

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about, I’m all aces really. Gotta run though…see ya around maybe?”

 “ _Maybe?_ Louis wait can you just…” But Louis was already halfway down the hall and headed for the exit.

XXX

Harry shows up to Grimmy’s office for his weekly therapy session and for the first time since they met it’s awkward between the two of them, with Harry sat with his arms crossed over his chest and glaring at a spot above Nick’s shoulder and refusing to answer any of Nick’s questions and ignoring him when he goes on about how Niall was only doing what he felt was the  right thing because he _cares_ and assuring him that he’d only gone to Cowell because not only could ha have gotten fired if he hadn’t but also because he felt that other students might’ve benefited from a school-wide vigil—which he’d been completely right about.

But Harry wasn’t having any of it, refused to see reason and with them getting absolutely nowhere Nick ended the session a whole ten minutes early.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I just wanted to say that I know some of you may be a little disappointed with how I wrote Tyler's suicide like maybe it was anticlimactic or was rushed and the thing is that as hard as most of this story has been to write (cough Niall's rape scene cough) I got through it ok somehow, but this subject hit too close to home since I have had a family member commit suicide by hanging and it was just too hard to write in detail and I know I could’ve changed the method of death but I really wanted to just have it happen not go too into detail about it and move on to the resulting guilt and feelings scenes. 
> 
> So sorry to the readers who are secret masochists (like myself) and like reading the more detailed angst scenes of this fic, i'll try and make up for it later.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Standard trigger warnings apply because there’s always so /much/ going on in this fic I just never know what could set someone off so like there’s emotional breakdowns and self inflicted mental abuse/self hate/blaming themselves idk there’s just a lot so please read at your own risk.
> 
> Uhh and I guess I could also warn for a bit of zerrie kissing for non-shippers it’s super brief but just heads up ok?
> 
> ps i just realized there's like no narry whatsoever in this chaper, sorry about that narry shippers it wasn't intentional. I promise i'll make it up to you all in the next one ;p

 “You sure you’ll be alright alone with him?” Leona asked from the doorway of Liam’s single, looking to her watch once more before shooting Liam another glance. He still sat on the edge of his bed arms wrapped tightly around his middle, rocking slightly and staring vacantly at the wall in front of him, talking what sounded like gibberish to himself. Ed gave the younger boy a look of his own before nodding.

“Yeah of course, it’s just _Liam.”_  He said in a confident voice that belied just how terrified he was _“_ now go on before you miss the last bus out.” He reminded her, making a shooing motion with his hands.

Leona smiled just slightly.

“Alight but I could send someone in after me, Cher maybe?” She insisted but the ginger shook his head slowly, letting sympathetic eyes slide over Liam a second time.

“Think he needs to be alone, well as alone as can be considering…” He trailed off, raising both his eyebrows pointedly.

“Right.” She said in understanding, she turned to address her charge a final time, speaking in a hushed, soothing tone. “Liam love, I’m off now but you get some rest for me yeah, and I’ll be here early tomorrow morning if you need me.” Liam showed no signs that he’d heard her, just continued to stare blankly ahead of him, eyes glassy and empty as he muttered under his breath his words almost too low to decipher but it sounded like some kind of chant, the same thing over and over _‘don’t let it be me’_.

Leona bit her lip worriedly and met Ed’s eyes one last time asking with just her eyes that he take care of the younger boy. Ed answered with a curt nod because there was no question that he would.

No sooner had the door closed behind Leona did Liam explode into motion, surprising the older lad by springing off the bed to grab at the front of Ed’s shirt clinging to him with trembling hands. His eyes now wide open and wild looking as they bounced around the room before finally settling on Ed’s own blue pair.

“I don’t want that to be me Ed, please don’t let it happen to me—da-don’t let it be me.” He whispered out, face crumbling almost immediately after the words had passed his lips. Ed brought his own hands to Liam’s waist to help keep him upright and squeezed him there.

“Lee babe it won’t, of course it won’t you—“Liam whimpered, this broken sound and clung tighter.

“ _Promise!_ Promise me Ed, I can’t—I can’t do that to them.” At this Ed’s brow furrowed and he had to ask.

“Them? Them who?” Liam gulped loudly, licking his dry lips as his eyes darted around the room again as if looking for the people in question.

“The lads, Simon—god my family.” His eyes locked with Ed’s and his voice was barely above a whisper when he breathed the last word like a sigh “you.” Ed squeezed his own eyes shut tightly.

“What can’t you do?” He asked around the sudden lump in his throat.

“Die. I can’t—I can’t kill myself like Tyler did, they’ll think it was their fault and my poor mum, bless her but she couldn’t take losing another child!” Liam was beginning to panic; Ed could feel how hard his heart was pounding from where their bodies touched and knew he had to do something and fast if he didn’t want Liam full on hyperventilating. So he did the first thing he could think of, ducking forward he brought their faces close, foreheads pressed to one another, the tips of their noses grazing slightly.

“Hey, hey…Liam calm down, just stop thinking about everyone else… _fuck_ everyone else!” He shouted, surprising them both with the amount of anger and conviction in his voice.

“Ed!”  Liam gasped, drawing back slightly “what?” Ed just shook his head, letting his eyes fall closed as his emotions which he’d been keeping at bay for Liam’s sake since, god since the day he called the code blue on him, finally threatened to get the best of him.

“You’re right.” He rasped out, purposely bumping noses “you can’t kill yourself, you can’t die, but it has nothing to do with us— _them_ —anyone but _you_.” He said, letting his eyes flutter open to make sure Liam was paying attention.

“You’re going to beat this Liam and you’re going to do it for _you_ because I…fuck I can’t lose you ok?” He finally admitted in a small voice, his eyes falling shut once more.

“Ed…” Liam started but Ed shook his head before pulling back and away, their foreheads no longer touching.

“Don’t, just don’t. This is about you, this is about getting you better and back to being my—back to being the Liam we all know and love.” Liam chewed his lip.

“Yeah but…” Ed smirked fondly.

“No buts Lee, we’re gonna beat this, now that we know what triggered the relapse we can draw up a plan me and Leona on how to get you better again, we won’t let them win.”

“Who?” He whispered in wonder captivated by Ed’s confidence.

“Those demons of yours” He said, tapping Liam’s temple gently “a right bag of dicks they are if you ask me.” Despite the tear stains still on his cheeks and the pink of his nose from crying Liam found himself snickering.

“Hey! That’s my brother you’re slaggin’ off, though admittedly he could be quite the prick.”

Ed snorted. “Yeah well I reckon no one’s perfect; he had his good moments though didn’t he?”

“Oh yeah!” Liam agreed his face lighting up as he seemed to recall a couple of those moments “he taught me all sorts of stuff like how to play footie, French kiss and—“Ed cut him off with a laugh.

“Why don’t we get you into bed and you can tell me all about him?” Liam seemed to like this idea a lot and smiled to show it.

“Alright, but will you lay with me Ed…please?” Ed hesitated, watching as Liam finally relinquished his hold on Ed’s shirt, which now was all stretched out and spotted from Liam’s tears.

“Lee…you know we can’t, I can’t.” He reminded, face turned down so that he spoke more to the floor than to Liam while the younger boy climbed into bed.

Normally that would be the end of the discussion, but it seemed tonight that Liam wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“Just until I fall asleep?” He pleaded, curling up on his side and patting the empty space beside him “you can leave once I’m out I just need you close.” Ed wanted to say no, knew he ought to but one look at Liam’s dejected face, eyes rimmed red and mouth pulled into a tight pout he knew he’d lost the battle before it’d even really begun and sighed loudly.

“Scoot over then, I’m no beanpole like Styles got a bit of a belly that ain’t gonna fit in that tiny space you’ve left there.” Liam frowned disapprovingly.

“Could do if you cuddled close.” He pointed out but relented and scooted closer to the opposite edge of the mattress as Ed climbed in after him, moving in close but still leaving a hair of space between them for his own piece of mind.

“Go on then Lee; tell me about your Andy yeah?” Of course it’s not the first time he’s sat and listened to Liam prattle on about his big brother with that same youthful twinkle in his eye that he’d had when they were younger, just the same as if he were talking about Batman, Rocky or some other heroic figure in Liam’s eyes Andy was just as brilliant as them and it showed in the way he lit up when he talked about him, but Ed never tired of listening to Liam even when he ended up repeating stories it was just enough to see him happy.

“Did I ever tell you about the time Andy got my head stuck in the hall banister?”

He had.

“No, don’t think so mate.” Ed fibbed knowing it was one of Liam’s favorite stories and settled onto the pillow they shared as he watched Liam’s eyes do that crinkly thing they were known to do when he was genuinely happy— _god it’d been too long since he’d seen them do that_ he thought and grabbed for one of Liam’s hands on a whim, clasping it between both his own.

Liam smiled down at their joined hands before starting his story.

“Well I was just seven years old, a wee little thing—my head still far too big for me body when Andy said he had a magic trick he wanted to show me…”

XXX

Zayn tossed and turned in his bed, unable to fall asleep for what seemed like the first time in his life, if there was one thing he was good at it was falling asleep at the drop of a hat, anywhere and under any conditions he could fall out in half a millisecond.

So this sudden fit of insomnia was unheard of.

He just couldn’t stop thinking about Louis and the way he just brushed him off earlier after the vigil. It didn’t make sense, he thought they were finally getting somewhere, coming to know and trust one another. He’s shared things with Louis that he hasn’t told anyone, been open with him, something he just doesn’t _do_ and this is the thanks he gets in return, the cold fucking shoulder? Curling his lip he finally gives up on sleep and kicks the covers off of him. Realizing he wasn’t going to get any sleep until he got to the bottom of his issue with Louis and he figured there was no time like the present.

Thankful that he’d gone to bed in his socks he grabs up a hoodie from the floor and throws it on over his bare chest before slinking over to the door; pressing his ear to it he listens for the nightly hall monitor and hears nothing. He slowly creeps the door open and sticks his head out, looking down both ends before slipping out into the hall and pulling the door softly shut behind him.

He knows it’s not unheard of for a student to be out in the halls past lights out, when you had to go, you had to go right? So if asked that’s where he was headed but luckily there was no one to ask and he makes it all the way to the door of Louis and Niall’s room undetected on socked feet. He knuckles the door three times and waits.

Nothing, he knocks three more times a little louder and still there’s no response. He’s about to kick the bloody thing when finally a sleepy faced Louis pokes his head out, eyes still mostly closed but attempting to squint in the light spilling in from the hallway.

Zayn only feels slightly bad about having woken him. Then he remembers what a twat Louis' been to him lately and stands his ground. Recognition finally finds Louis and his eyes open a little more, taking Zayn in, standing there in just socks and his pants, a baggy hoodie thrown on as an afterthought and all at once he’s glaring, no longer confused and sleepy but proper stropped.

“You.” He started in a biting tone “what the fuck do you want Malik?” Zayn doesn’t wince this time, but just the fact that Louis hasn’t called him by his first name all day confirms that he’s done something to upset the older lad, if only he knew what.

“I want to talk to you.” If possible Louis' glare hardens even more.

“Are you bloody mad it’s nearly midnight and they’ve got Saunders on watch tonight if we get caught out of our rooms after curfew he won’t hesitate to take our weekend passes and I’ve already missed two on your account!” He hissed just above a whisper.

Zayn didn’t even flinch.

“Louis, just fucking come on, we’ll hide in the left wing staircase no one ever uses that one ever since that one kid swore out he saw a ghost.” He watched as Louis' eyes widened imperceptivity before narrowing once more.

“Right, sure thing that makes me wanna risk my neck even more to have this little pow-wow of yers” Zayn says nothing, just stands his ground, waiting for Louis to give in.

Finally the older lad huffed loudly and ducked back inside the room, leaving the door cracked and Zayn could just make him out in the darkness rooting around for his vans and pulling a jumper over his head before coming back to the door, a scowl on his face as he slipped out into the hall.

“If we get caught, I’ll castrate you you know.” He felt the need to warn but Zayn just shrugged and led them toward the left wing staircase.

“I’ll take my chances.” He threw over his shoulder. Louis made a face that Zayn couldn’t see and snorted.

“Suit yerself, it’s your bollocks.” Their walk was short and silent, Zayn held the door open for Louis who didn’t even acknowledge the gesture just slipped inside the staircase walking over to the bottom step and kicking out at it just to do it before whirling around to face Zayn, still scowling.

“Alright we’re here, now what the fuck did you wan—“ He’s cut off as Zayn makes a move for him, reaching for the sides of his face to no doubt snog him but Louis dances out of the way at the last minute, creating about a foot of distance between them.

“That right there! That’s why I wanted to talk to you…why won’t you let me kiss you?”

“Pfft and why would I want to let you do that?” Louis asked the perfect picture of nonchalant.

“Why?” Zayn asked perplexed “maybe because we’re boyfriends?” Louis made a show of studying the cuticles of his right hand before flicking his eyes up, bored.

“Oh right about that, don’t think I’ll be needing one of those anymore.”

“Excuse me? One of what?” Zayn asked, sure that he’s heard wrong.

“Boyfriend.” Louis said plain as day, without a hint of emotion to be found.

Zayn felt like he’d just been gutted.

“Since when? I mean Jesus Lou what did I…” He was aware that his voice had begun to tremble slightly and hated it, hated that Louis was there to see him like this, made even worse by the fact that Louis was the complete opposite seeming completely detached.

“Look I don’t know what you want me to say here Malik we did a bit of rolling around together, it’s not like I popped the question or asked you to have my love child did I? Thought we could have a spot of fun together that is until I found out yer still a bloody virgin—god how pathetic seventeen years old and never even had a dick in yer mouth before me.” Zayn swallowed hard at having his confession thrown back in his face—he’d trusted Louis with that information and here he was using it to, to hurt him.

He just wanted to leave; he needed to not be there right now. But his legs didn’t feel like they’d be able to hold him up for much longer they were shaking so bad, let alone actually carry him somewhere.

“Lou why’re you doing this…” He asked one final time, in a voice so weak he doubted Louis had even heard him.

Louis rolled his eyes. “I’m not doing anything just tired of pretending I can stand to be around you just so I can get it in…now that I’ve more or less had you, I’m done.” It was those words that gave him strength they still stung like hell but they also made him angry, he could work with anger he was familiar with it,  he’s been angry all his life it’s how he survived.

He’d take anger over pain any day.

“You know what fuck you, you fucking asshole.” He snarled out, stepping back and towards the door.

Louis made no moves to stop him; instead he tilted his head in what looked like amusement.

“Hmm, but you wouldn’t know what to do even if I was willing to let you now would you?” He taunted with an ugly smile that lacked its usual playfulness “not that I would you had your chance, was a onetime offer I’m afraid.”

“You’re a fucking dick Lou I hope you…god I _really_ hope you...” He couldn’t get the words out, not right then because despite everything Louis had said he still loved him, wasn’t able to flip his feelings for the older boy off as easily as Louis apparently could.

“What? What do you hope I do Malik?” Louis sneered with an evil glint in his eyes.

Zayn could feel a sharp pain build behind his eyes and knew if he didn’t get away from Louis right now he’d end up crying in front of him and that’s the last thing he wanted to do, so without another word he pivoted on his heels, grabbing for the door handle.

The last thing he hears before the heavy metal door closes behind him was Louis' cruel laughter spilling out after him.

XXX

The next day classes resume but it’s weird because Liam’s obviously missing and truth be told no one is really speaking to one another with Zayn over with his other friends and Louis uncharacteristically quiet, poking at the food on his plate rather than eating it.

Harry knows he should be a mate and try and get him to eat something but his mind is still too preoccupied with thoughts of poor Tyler and reluctantly Niall who is suspiciously missing from lunch today.

They’re all pretty much avoiding each other, orbiting one another like planets around the sun but as soon as the final bell of the day rings they know avoidance will be near impossible as they make their way to the rec room for this month’s group session with Cowell.

This will only be his second group session but when he gets to the rec room Harry finds that the only available seats are either next to Niall or Max George, and it must say a lot that he chooses the seat by Max without debate at least it does to Louis sat across from him wedged between Wes and Hayley who shoots him a questioning look that he ignores, instead finding the chucks on his feet suddenly fascinating.

Zayn and Niall are apparently the only ones out of the five of them without beef as they whisper softly to one another across the room. Harry watches as Perrie scoots over a seat, leaving Jade with Taylor so that she could talk to Zayn over Niall, the three of them proper giggling at whatever it is that she’s said.

Simon enters the room seconds later and taking up the seat that had been left to him at the front of the semi circle of chairs, he sits and shuffles through the papers in his hands for a bit without acknowledging the group. It’s so quiet in the room you could hear a pin drop; someone’s chair squeaks as they adjust their body, someone else coughs.

Finally Simon looks up and offers them all a smile.

“Good afternoon, before we get started with group, I’d like to open the floor up to anyone with any lingering feelings or guilt about yesterday’s events?” Harry slid down lower in his seat, as Simon’s eyes scanned the room, pausing on him for a second too long to be coincidental before continuing on to the next face.

“However I don’t want to fixate on the subject because that’s not what group is for, if you need to speak extensively then I advise you to seek a counselor for a more private chat.” He paused again, waiting for someone to speak up, after a few minutes of silence he nodded to himself. “Very well, I believe it’s Zayn who’s meant to start us off today so Mr. Malik if you will…” Simon trailed off, shooting Zayn an encouraging smile.

Zayn puffed his cheeks out and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, obviously dreading having to share today and given the clusterfuck their group had become as of late, Harry didn’t really blame him.

They all watched on as the darker boy tried to psych himself up for it only before he could open his mouth to speak the door to the rec room burst open and Harry could hear someone—that was most definitely Louis gasp as _Liam_ came lumbering into the room with Ed hot on his heels. Even from his spot clear across the room Harry could hear the ginger pleading with Liam not to do this, to go back to his room or meet with Leona if he felt he just _had_ to speak to someone, insisting that Liam wasn’t ready for group just yet. But his words fell on deaf ears as Liam completely ignored him, plopping down in the only available seat between Jade and Perrie and stubbornly crossing his arms over his chest as if to say _I’m staying._

Ed and Simon share a look and with one final helpless shrug Ed mutters that he’ll be by to get Liam when the hour is up and leaves the same way he entered.

“Mr. Payne, welcome! It’s good to see you’re well enough to join us today.” Simon greeted brightly, his enthusiasm however was not returned as Liam just shrugged, arms still crossed.

“Don’t know that I am.”

“Pardon?” The elder man asked, confused.

“I don’t know if I _am_ well enough to rejoin the group if I’m honest, but I had a sort of breakthrough the other night after the vigil—it brought up some emotions and I’m sure you all saw the spectacle I made of myself.” He said with a wry smile, eyes scanning he room quickly before returning to Simon.

“Liam, I assure you…” He started, trying to reassure Liam that his reaction to Tyler’s death was a perfectly acceptable reaction, would’ve pointed out that everyone grieve in their own ways but the younger boy didn’t give him the chance.

“No it’s fine, I know I did…and well it turns out I needed for that to happen because I finally realized that I can’t get better on my own, not really. That I need to open up if I truly want to beat this, which I did last night with Leona and Ed…mostly Ed. Then this morning I woke up and knew that there was another step I had to take and that’s confronting my demons.”

“You want to, you want to share today? About your brother because I’m sure that can be arranged, Zayn you wouldn’t mind if Liam jumped ahead of you would you?” Again Liam didn’t bother to wait to hear Zayn’s response before he was speaking:

“No. I don’t want to talk about Andy; he’s not the demons I’m talking about.”

“Oh no?” Simon drew back curiously.

Liam shook his head. “I’m talking about you.” He said, taking his time to make individual eye contact with all four of his mates “and you, and you, and you. I’m talking about my so-called best friends who just left me out there to drown.”

“Liam wha—“ Louis started to say but Simon raised a hand to silence him, reminding him of the rule that no one speak during someone else’s turn, not until they’ve said their peace.

Liam continued as if Louis hadn’t said anything.

“I’ve been suffering all this time because of the guilt I felt after Zayn nearly  drowned because I didn’t think fast enough, I was his _buddy_ —I had one job to do or well two jobs: steer the boat and look after him and I failed at the latter…just like I did with Andy!” Zayn sucked in a deep audible breath at the comparison causing Liam to bite down on his now trembling lip, even though his eyes still shown with more anger than anything.

“I have literally been living in hell for the last couple of weeks and not one of you, not _one!_ Even bothered to notice—didn’t even _care_. Too busy sneaking away to snog one another.” He said, turning to shoot both Harry and Niall pointed looks then did the same with Zayn and Louis “or being so far up each other’s arses fighting to see that I needed someone, that for once _I_ needed _you.”_

The last bit was said so softly, as if his voice just died out on him he was so choked up and Harry had to look away and wipe at the corner of his eye not even realizing he was crying until he tasted the salt of his tears on his lips. So he missed it when Liam shook his head, as if he could just shake off sadness easy as that and started again with renewed ferocity.

“So you see it really isn’t any wonder that I resorted back to cutting when the four people who I expected to know me well enough to see that something was up that something was _wrong_ that I needed help weren’t there! I felt like even though I’d failed Zayn, I might as well have been the one out there in the water floundering only there was no Louis jumping in after me, there was just, there was just no one.”

He paused to take a shaky breath. “Failing Zayn, it brought all the old thoughts of Andy back tenfold and he just wouldn’t go away he was everywhere I went, haunting me reminding me of how I failed him and how I was still  good for nothing since I couldn’t save Zayn either.”

Deciding to screw what Simon said Louis just had to stand. “Liam god, we didn’t know—none of us _knew!_   You kept all this bottled up inside and we’re not bloody mind readers, but we can be here for you now all of us, you just need to let us in and…” Liam snorted without amusement.

“Too little too late _Lewis_ , I wouldn’t accept your help—your support now if it came along with a bloody kinder egg surprise!” He spat rising to his feet as well the two of them facing off in a clash of hurt and fury. “It’s too late; the damage has been done so you all can just bugger off for all I care!” He barked before turning and running from the building, almost knocking his chair over in his haste.

Louis made this wounded noise, looking like he might keel over any second as tears began to pour from his eyes relentlessly. Harry made to join him but to his surprised Zayn was already up and moving to his side which had Harry raising an eyebrow curiously, because since when does the darker boy care? But before he could reach him Louis abruptly stopped, going still and quiet as he shot Zayn the coldest look Harry had ever seen, instantly recoiling away from Zayn’s touch.

“Don’t you dare.” He warned in a flat, emotionless tone.

“Lou I…”

“It’s Tomlinson remember and don’t, don’t fucking ever ok? Not you” he gritted out, then pitching his voice so that only Zayn could hear “not anymore.” He hissed and without warning he we fleeing from the room as well.

Simon cleared his throat.

“I think it would be best if we call today’s meeting to adjourn and try again another day.” He advised.

No one disagreed.

As the room cleared Simon singled the remaining three out to stay back for a few minutes. Harry worried his lip but stayed seated.

“I’m not going to penalize you right now but just know that there will be consequences for your not reporting this canoeing incident. You know your parents have put you into my care and that means that while you are in attendance at Mount Serenity that I’m responsible for you…I consider you, all of you as my own children? I need to know when things like this happen when there’s a possibility of one of you coming to harm.” He paused, running a hand through his hair as he stared each of them down.

“What you all did was immature, imprudent and above all reckless—just all around stupid boys I can’t imagine what you were _thinking_ but it can’t happen again.

“It won’t.” They chorused back without hesitation and meant it.

Simon nodded like he believed them though he was still frowning.

“Go on then while I think up your punishments.”

“Yes sir.” They chorused a second time before all but running from the building.

XXX

Louis didn’t know where he was headed when he stormed out of group but somehow he found himself outside of Greg’s office pounding unforgivingly on it until moments later the door swung open and a frantic looking Greg was looking at him as though he’d lost his damn mind.

“Louis! To what do I owe the pleasure?”Louis didn’t take the bait, not much in the mood for games or even pleasantries and instead shoulder his way past the taller man and into the office. Greg to his credit didn’t ask any more questions, just followed suit, taking up his usual chair while Louis sprawled out on the couch in the corner.

"So Lou what have you been…" Louis who found he couldn’t quite get comfortable on the couch moved to one of the chairs across from Greg’s desk, slumped down, his left leg bouncing nervously as he twisted his mouth in an attempt to keep from screaming, but he couldn't hold it in any longer and he finally just exploded:

"Sod off James, alright? Just sod the fuck off and don't say anything yeah? I've got some things to get off me chest and I don't want to chicken out alright?”

"Alright." Louis glowered.

"Greg." He warned and the counselor quickly mimed zipping his lips shut and stuffing the key in his trouser pocket for Louis’ benefit. The younger lad rolled his eyes but nodded satisfied enough.

“Ok fuck, so this thing that's happening with Liam it's really fucking with me alright? You know me I’m a pretty tough kid or at least I act like it but I’m actually a bit of a softie when it comes down to it yeah?”

He admitted with a self deprecating laugh.

“No sense in trying to deny it to you of all people now is there? You're one of the few people that know all my dirty little secrets but Liam, he's always been a bit like a role model for me even though he’s barely a full a year older than me I sort of look up to him so to see him like that, to find out he's relapsed and this _badly_ it's—it’s bloody terrifying is what it is. Not only that but I feel like the world’s shittiest friend on the planet, he’s right we’re rubbish! He's been going through all this and I was too caught up in my own shit to notice we _all_ were.”

He pauses to reach over toward the water cooler for a cup of cool water feeling his throat begin to close up on him. After tipping the small paper cup up to empty it he set it down on Greg’s desk and took a deep breath.

“All except Hazza, he knew there was something wrong, had his suspicions he did, but even then when he came to me with this rot about Liam acting off since the canoe trip like I just laughed it off like I do because it was _Liam_ and sure he's just as messed up as the rest of us but he doesn't act it ya know? So it’s easy to forget that he’s one of us.”

Louis grimaced at the thought.

“No wonder he hates us, we really did fail him…he has every right to hate us just as he said." He admitted toying with the fraying end of his long sleeve shirt which was about two sizes too big and practically hung off him.

At this point Greg had heard just about enough and couldn’t sit there any longer without intervening.

“Ok I’m sorry but I’m going to have to interrupt you there Lou because there is no way Liam Payne said he hated anyone, not wholesome, fiercely loyal ‘I’m sort of afraid of spoons’ Liam and he especially would _never_  say he hated you lot so where exactly is this coming from?”

“Gregory, I thought I told you not to talk? God and you wonder why I have trust issues James.”

“Stop trying to change the subject Tomlinson.”

“I’m not…I really do have trust issues it says so right there in my chart innit?” He asked, pointing to the open folder currently sat in front of Greg on the desk.

“Louis…” Greg growled, losing patience. Louis just rolled his eyes, throwing his hands up.

“He did say Greg, swear it. Just now in group, didn’t you wonder why I skipped out early?”

Greg’s eyes widen comically. “Shit was that today?” He asked, referring to his calendar for confirmation and groaned. Louis made a tisking noise with his tongue, shaking his head.

“Wow way to stay on top of things there it there Gregory.”

“Fuckin’ A, well what’re you doing skipping out on group not even a half hour in?”

“Haven’t you been listening? Group didn’t even last a full _ten_ minutes before Liam came bursting in and making us feel like sorry excuses for human beings and letting us all know just how much he hated us!”

“So he was upset and took it out on the group?”

“Not the group just Haz, Niall, Malik and I his ‘so-called’ mates and that’s a direct quote from the lad himself.”

“Alright he’s upset and he took it out on you lot but did he actually use the word ‘hate’ at any point?”

“Well no, he’s still Liam Payne the overgrown Boy Scout that he is, but he didn’t really _need_ to, could tell by the way he looked at me. He’s never going to forgive us and I don’t know that we’d deserve forgiving even if he was willing.”

"Hey Louis, no don’t think that way Liam could never hate you whatever he did say, it was done out of anger, the heat of the moment why I’m sure he’s back in his room beating himself up about saying them if you really think about it. Besides you know one of the cardinal rules around here never take something said in anger to heart, because we’re all guilty of spewing rubbish when narked." Louis made a pathetic noise, and then tried to cover it up with another laugh that didn’t reach his eyes.

"What happened to locking that gob of yers?" He reminded weakly, his words lacking their usual bite. Greg ignored them all the same.

"Fuck that, you know this isn’t your fault right, yes it would've been nice if you had noticed something was up and came to someone sooner but that is in no way your responsibility not even as his friend especially if he was actively hiding it for you, from everyone...hell he even had Ed fooled if you think you're feeling guilty can you even imagine what he's going through right now?” The words were already out his mouth by the time Greg realized what he’d just said and immediately tried to backpedal.

“Uh, not that, fuck not that anything is going on there like..." Louis finally looked up from his sleeve to snort and meet Greg’s eyes with amusement.

"Oh give it a rest Gregory, I know about their star crossed lovers act, its old news mate."

"Right, well not to compare you two or make it seem like I’m dismissing your pain for his but just know you weren't alone in this, Liam fooled us all because like you said he's Liam, no one would expect him to slip up and maybe that’s our mistake yeah? Putting that much pressure on him and putting him up on this pedestal, forgetting that he’s only human—just a boy same as you."

XXX

Things between them are worst than ever after Liam’s impromptu confession with Liam becoming a complete recluse separating himself from not only the group but everyone only really speaking to Leona, Ed and for some odd reason Troye (much to Ed’s dismay) even going so far as to invite Troye to sit with him at his tiny table set aside for him in a secluded corner where he wouldn’t be bothered by other students.

On account of Harry still being pretty cross with him Niall has taken to sitting over with Zayn and his bunch at their table which leaves only Harry and Louis at the original table and that’s only if Louis hasn’t decided to skip meals altogether that day. On those days Harry is left to sit pathetically alone, which he wouldn’t mind as much if everyone else in the cafeteria weren’t staring at him, half sending him sympathetic looks and the others judging him, probably laughing when he wasn’t looking.

Then there were also days where he was joined at the table by Taylor and her friends Selena and some quiet girl who insisted on being called Lorde on those days he prays for someone to pull the fire alarm, start a food fight or something so that everyone is forced to evacuate the caf then have to sit there and listen to the three of them go on about who so and so likes and who got caught with illegals on ‘em that day and what a bitch their monthly had been.

A couple of times Aiden had even reached out to him which didn’t usually happen he and Louis (and Harry but extension) seemed to be music class/English mates but outside of class they didn’t really interact all that much, inviting him to come sit with him and his friends, which included his roommate this really funny lad named Paije and his best mate Nicolo who Harry didn’t really know much about except that he almost never saw him without one of the other two. Their conversation topics were a lot more interesting and left Harry feeling a lot less excluded but they still weren’t _his boys_.

It’s not until that Friday that things take yet another ugly turn and honestly no one saw it coming. They were all sat in maths Niall laughing overly loud at something Justin said over in the corner. Harry was sat next to Aiden listening to the taller lad whine about their upcoming oral report in English and how he really wants to try to impress Mr. Cardle by memorizing Brutus’ speech if were it not for his damn stage fright. Harry is only half listening; instead he is focused on the door willing Louis to walk through it, since he hadn’t shown up for breakfast that morning.

“God I wonder what it’ll take to finally get him to crack.”

“Uh who?”

“Mr. Cardle duh, haven’t you been listening to me Styles?”

“Of course, but I hate to break it to you but Mr. Cardle is never going to crack and it’s got nothing to do with you he may very well return your feelings for all we know but he’ll never act on it and risk his job he loves teaching too much.”

“Fuck me, I know you’re right but I just can’t give up on him, don’t think I have it in me…he’s my soul mate Harry.”

“Lou!”  Harry cried out suddenly, as the boy in question breezed into the classroom.

“Hiya Hazza, you’re looking mighty dapper this morning.” He said gesturing to Harry’s open blazer over a band t-shirt look. Harry preened at the unexpected compliment.

“Yeah?”

Louis nodded. “Mmhm” turning to Aiden he let his eyes rove over the other boy appreciatively “as for you Grimshaw…” He trailed off as he ducked down to lay a lingering kiss that was much too long to be considered just mates messing around. Aiden shoved him away after a few beats when he realized Louis was just going to keep at it for who knows how long.

“Lou what the hell?” He asked, discreetly wiping at is mouth. Louis shrugged as if it were no big deal, that he went around snogging his mates all the time and finally took his seat.

“Nothing you just look really fucking hot today mate, loving the eyeliner.”

“Yeah?” Aiden said smiling, the weirdness of the kiss already warn off and forgotten “My sister Libby sent it to me in a care package, that dick Grimmy almost confiscated it, said it could be considered a weapon because of the point but I convinced him to let me keep it by batting my eyelashes and pouting.” Louis smiled his approval.

“That’s usually how I get what I want.” He admitted before Ms. Ferguson finally called the class in session.  No sooner had people started opening their math books did Zayn suddenly stand and walk right out of class without explanation completely ignoring Ms. Ferguson’s calls for him to return to his seat at once.

A roar of chatter instantly started up, people wondering what had gotten in Zayn, some speculating that he’d gone to find a fix or summat while Niall joked about him having the runs that only Justin laughed at.

The only person who seemed completely unbothered was Louis who actually had both his math and his notebook open and seemed to actually be doing the coursework assigned to them with the slightest of smirks on his face.

XXX

That night Zayn watches from his dorm room window for the signal that Perrie is up for sneaking off into the woods. He’s got a perfect view of her and Jesy’s room so when the flashlight shines twice he knows everything’s a go and scoots to the edge of his bed to slip his sneakers on, his clothes and hoodie still on from earlier.

He sneaks out of the building and into the woods, headed for their boulder, smiling slightly when she’s already there waiting in her ducky pajama pants and one of his stolen hoodies.

“Hey good lookin’ fancy meeting you here.” She says as a joke and he tries to laugh he really does but he’s just so mixed up right now that he barely manages a smile, just a quirk of his lip really but it’s apparently enough for her. The thing is he doesn’t know what’s going on with him and Louis, the older changing moods so fast he just might get whiplash one of these days from it, that or he might sprang something from all the rings he’s got him jumping through one minutes everything is great between them and then he just flipped on him, made it seem like nothing that’s happened in the last few weeks was real which he _knows_ is a load of bollocks, he knows Louis didn’t fake the looks and the touches and that he didn’t make up the things he told Zayn in confidence about his mum and Eleanor…he didn’t know what had suddenly gotten into Louis that caused his Jekyll and Hyde act but Zayn knew he couldn’t give up on them, not yet.

“Zayn, earth to Zayn Malik come in Zayn where’d you go on me babe?”Perrie joked and Zayn blinked his eyes to find that he’d zoned out and that she’d slid down off the boulder to stand right in front of him.

“I’m here, sorry um, what’d I miss?” She giggled and reached around his middle until her hands were linked at the small of his back as she smiled up at him.

“Oh nothing just asked what that was all about earlier, you walking out of class like that…you didn’t have the runs didja?” Zayn’s nose wrinkled up in disgust.

“What? No, ew why would you even ask me that?”

“It was Niall who actually brought up the idea in class.” She confessed with a shrug.

Zayn groaned, shutting his eyes in embarrassment “I’m seriously going to slap him silly one of these days.”

“You’ll do no such thing, not when you have such a strict no one is allowed to harm a hair on his head ever rule.” Zayn sighed at the reminder, defeated.

“Oh right.”

Perrie giggled again. “You’re cute.” Zayn smiled down at her, making a soppy face back. His was familiar ground for them; they always did this before they got to the snogging.

“No you are.” He countered, slipping into his role.

“Hmm.” She hummed before going up on her tiptoes for a kiss, catching it bottom lip between her own.

They snogged for a bit but Zayn just wasn’t feeling up to faking it and before things could get heavy he pulled his mouth away.

“Uh, Pez…stop for a minute yeah?” Perrie who looked to be really concentrating blinked slow confused eyelashes at him.

“What is it? Something wrong?” Zayn shook his head.

“No, well maybe? I mean no, at least not with you…it’s me.” At this Perrie bit her bottom lip, tucking it up into her mouth looking worried.

“Oh boy, are you breaking up with me?” Surprise flashed over Zayn’s face and he shook his head without hesitation.

“No, no I…”

“Then what is it?”

“Can we just sit and cuddle and maybe talk do you think?” She was still looking at him weird, as though she thought he would take off running at any minute.

“Uh sure but are you sure you’re alright?” She cautioned a second time, her words coming out slow and calm.

“Positive, why?” He asked, forcing a smile onto his face that wasn’t returned.

“Well it’s just you have me all to yourself in the dark woods and you just want to cuddle and _talk?”_

“Yes, why do you keep asking that?”

Perrie threw her hands up. “Because it’s you, you _never_ want to talk, I used to think it was so hot a real man of mystery, a man of few words like a real life James Dean or Batman or summat, but lately I’ve sort of been taking it personal since you’ve been right chatty with that new group of yours Styles, Horan and the like.”

“No, it’s not you Pez I swear you’re, you’re _great_.” Her bottom lip actually began to tremble and she looked utterly wretched as she brought her hands up to the sides of her face.

“Oh god now I _know_ you’re fittin’ to break up with me.”

“Pez I’m _not.”_ He insisted moving forward to brush her arm but she moved back before he could take hold.

“Well maybe you _should_ be.” She said finally causing them both to freeze where they stood.

“What?”

Perrie licked her lips nervously. “Maybe you should break up with me or we should break up with each other.” Zayn drew back, and then licked his own lips asking in a soft voice.

“Is—is that what you want? Where is this all coming from?” She sighed, seeming to deflate before his very eyes as though a huge weigh had been lifted from her and she couldn’t keep from smiling.

“I’ve met someone new, or well not really ‘met’ I’ve known them for a while now but we’ve just started doing things and it’s nice, being with them is so easy and _nice_.”

“Is it not nice with me then?” He couldn’t help but ask, slightly hurt.

She reached out to swat him lightly on the arm. “Oh shut it Malik, don’t even try and tell me that you haven’t been dying for an out…I can tell you know, you haven’t really been ‘with’ me for a while now even when we’re together I feel like you’re a million miles away like just now, like you’re only physically here because you’re afraid of hurting me.”

“I…” Zayn started to protest but she brought a finger up to his lips to hush him.

“Don’t deny it, there’s someone else for you too isn’t there.”

“No, god Perrie who even would I be with at _his_ school?” He asked with a roll of his eyes but his voice sounded weak even to his own ears.

Perrie’s eyes brighten.

“There _is_ someone!!! God Malik your face totally gives you away.”

“No it doesn’t shut up; I mean there isn’t anyone…” Perrie shot him a look that told him she wasn’t born yesterday and brought a finger up o her own chin tapping it in thought.

“I don’t know, now that I think of it things have been changing between you and that Tomlinson kid.”

“Pfft you mean Tomlinson Twat.” He tried to correct her but this only made her grin wider.

“Ha, you know your mouth says insult but your face says fond.” She narrows her eyes in jest, “so which is the truth?”

“Jesus, yes alright I am with Louis—err was, we sort of had a falling out around the time of Tyler’s suicide.” It was bittersweet that he finally was able to tell someone and feel free to talk about it that he wasn't even sure if there was a 'them' to talk about anymore.

“So it was because he kissed Aiden that you walked out of class in a strop today.”

“Yes!” Zayn growled at the memory, as he mentally relived it. “He’s just so infuriating but also beautiful and kind and funny and his hands got Pez the things he can do with his hands and don’t even get me started on his mouth…” Perrie raised a hand to cut him off.

“I’d rather you didn’t actually.” She said and playfully made like she was about to be sick.

Zayn chuckled then turned his focus back to her. “What about you who’s the lucky bloke?”

“’Not a bloke actually, I’ve fallen for Leigh-Anne Zen, we’re in love.”  It was Zayn’s turn to look surprised.

“Wow can’t say I saw that one coming.”

“Oh you’re one to talk; you’re literally sleeping with the enemy.”

“ _Was_ sleeping with him, guess now it’s back to just me and my hand. Especially now that I haven’t even got you for the occasional snog in the woods.” He teased, but to his surprise she just shrugged.

“We can still if ya like, I’m sure Leigh wouldn’t mind.” He appreciated the offer but knew they couldn’t not when neither of them would really be getting anything out of it.

“Nah, it’s not really fair to either of us when we both would be wishing it were someone else.”

“Oh Zen, If it means anything I have a good feeling everything is going to work out in the end.” Zayn snorted, but Perrie just continued on undeterred.

 “No seriously coming from an outside observer who didn’t know what o make of what I’d seen until now it’s definitely not one-sided these feelings you have, there have been times when I caught him looking over at out group during class with this look of absolute amazement and I never knew what the heck he was looking at but now I do he was looking at you, like you were the best thing he’d ever seen and I just don’t think something like that can be faked at least not that convincingly.”  

Finally taking a seat on a relatively dry patch of grass Zayn pulled Perrie down with him, arranging the two of them so that they sat with her back to his chest and just sort of breathed, listening to the soundtrack of the night, he cicadas having a sing off with the crickets, he nearby creek’s water in constant motion, an owl hooting the world was still going strong all around them but they were content to be still and just appreciate it for once.

Zayn thought about what Perrie said about Louis and he way he’d sometimes look at Zayn when he wasn’t aware and he wondered what that all meant, knowing Louis I could be anything, but in his heart of hearts he hoped it meant that Perrie was right, he wondered if knowing this new information was actually helpful or did it just give him more false hope?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovlies, sorry for taking forever and a day with this update but i honestly don't /mean/ to be such a shit, believe me i miss wriitng this baby as much as you miss reading it during the long breaks between updates, but unfortunately things come up. But so long as nothing comes up updates might be coming more regularly *crosses finger & prays*
> 
> Anyway thank you as always for you paitence and for sticking with this fic. I really appreciate it!!!!
> 
> <3 Jen


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See this update didn't take me half a year so yay lol
> 
> I don't think there's anything that calls for a trigger warning in this chapter but ya never know with this fic so please read with caution always! 
> 
> **This is unbeta'd as always bc when i started writing this story i didn't know anyone and now 28 chapters in i wouldn't feel right asking Lex to look it over bc she'd be clueless as to what's going on haha. So all mistakes are mine unfortunately.
> 
> Happy reading

“Something’s got to be done about them.” Ed said over dinner the next night, leaning in conspiratorially in case some nearby punk was listening in and gesturing to the five sullen teens who currently sat scattered around the cafeteria instead of together at their usual table.

“You’re right but what?” Ellie piped in, slapping Greg’s hand away when he tried to steal some of her tater tots.

“They’re a bit pathetic without each other aren’t they—lost?” Said Cher as she turned her head and gave the boys in question a considering look, put off that she had to look in three different directions to get them all when there ought to only be one.

“God yes, I’ve noticed that too and it breaks my heart.”

“Wait you’ve a heart Grimmy?” Greg joked earning a swat to the side of his head.

“Sod off James, but seriously what ought we to do about them?” They all seemed to get lost in thought right then as they pondered the situation at hand, thinking up possible solutions but in the end it was Ed who finally spoke:

“Could take them up in the woods.”

“What and leave them out there to be eaten by a bear or summat? Sounds a bit drastic…” Nick trailed off thoughtfully; Ed rolled his eyes and kicked the taller man under the table.

“No, I mean a camp out? Make ‘em do a few team building and trust exercises to remind them why they’re important to each other and whatnot you eejit.”

“Oh—oh right that sounds much more _productive_ then my idea.” It was Cher’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Ya think?”

“You’ll have to get it approved by Cowell and the five of them are in hot water with him at the mo.” Greg pointed out around a mouthful of Nick’s tots.

Ed grinned reaching over to pat Greg’s hand.

“Ah, yee of little faith, you clearly underestimate my prowess Greggs Benedict.” Ed said, clucking his tongue at Greg for questioning his power of persuasion and stood up to dump his tray, deciding to pay ol’ Cowell a visit.

Still just in earshot of their table he heard Greg address the group…

“Did he really just call m Greggs Benedict? Like the breakfast food?”

…and snorted.

XXX

Ed knocked on the door to Simon’s office and waited to be called in which he was a mere few seconds later. When he entered the room he found Simon smiling at him from across his huge wooden desk.

“Edward! What a pleasant surprise…come in, take a seat.” He said, waving him in and gesturing to the chairs on the other side of the desk.

“Uh, thanks Mr. Cowell.” He mumbled, falling into the chair closest to the door and watched as the older man folded his hands in front of him.

“Simon, please.” He corrected breezily. “Not that I don’t enjoy the visit but what brings you round? Is it about Liam and his little outburst the other day in groups?” Ed shook his head and opened his mouth ready to launch into his idea when Simon’s words actually hit him and he frowned.

“Outburst sir?” Simon nodded slowly.

“You mean he hasn’t talked to you about it? Why I thought for sure he’d…”

Ed shook his head a second time. “No, he never mentioned any outburst. I mean he came and found me to tell me he’d left groups early so that I didn’t come get him in an hour like I promised but other than that he just went about business as usual.” Simon made a face, tapping the tips of both his index fingers in thought.

“Huh, well that day you left him in group he completely went off on those mates of his Zayn, Niall, Louis and Harry...Louis in particular was very upset by his words.”

“Oh boy…” Ed groaned because that’s exactly what he’d been afraid would happen when he told Liam he wasn’t quite ready to rejoin groups.

“Yes oh boy indeed, something’s truly got to be done about that lot and soon, I really had hoped he’d talked things out with you.”

“Sorry, but about something being done with that whole group…I think maybe I can help there? I mean me and a couple of the other counselors were hoping, with your permission of course, to take the five of them up into the mountains for a weekend overnight to get them talking and maybe reaffirm their friendship.”

“Hmm, ok I’m listening.” Simon said, sitting forward with interest.

Ed cleared his throat. “Well we just thought we’d have them play a few team building games and exercises to remind them of all the things they like about each other, all the reasons they’d become friends in the first place ya know?” Simon sat back in his chair once more, pulling another thoughtful face as he brought his hands up to fold behind his head.

“The games I understand but exercises?”

“Well those will be more about trust and team work sir.”

“I see.” Simon hummed, beginning to rock slightly in his chair as he mulled things over “and how many of you are thinking of going up?”

“Maybe three? Nick, Greg, and myself?” The older man crooked an eyebrow with interest.

“Oh James is going is he? Good—good he’s our ropes course expert and a proper outdoorsman so that’s perfect.”

“Yeah I thought so too.” Ed admitted, seeming to hold his breath as he awaited Simon’s decision. He was a pretty reasonable man for the most part but he’s also been known to say what has become almost a catchphrase around campus: ‘it’s a no from me’ five words that Ed really didn’t want to hear right now.

“Very well, I’ll sign off on this, but I am entrusting these kids to you Sheeran, not only that but after the last overnight trip where I lost six of my counselors due to funny business I shouldn’t even be allowing this but you three are some of my most trusted staff so I’m going out on a limb here…don’t make me regret it.” Ed grinned, just stopping himself from hooting loudly in celebration; instead he thrust his hand across the desk for a shake.

Simon eyed the proffered hand for a moment before finally taking it in his own and giving it a firm shake.

“Wouldn’t dream of it sir, believe it or not we’re pretty fond of those gits, don’t want them coming to harm anymore than you do.”

“Let’s see that they don’t.”

XXX

After going through a few more details, Simon basically making Ed agree to a post hiking trip drug test, that no one was to go anywhere near a lake or body of water of any kind, that someone strictly monitor Louis' calorie intake and to become an organ donor when all of this was said and done.

Ok so that last one hadn’t actually happened but Ed doesn’t doubt that if he’d stayed in that office any longer then there was a good chance it would have!

He meets up with Nick and Greg in the common room of the counselors quarters to go over all of Cowell’s conditions. And decide that Greg would naturally be the one to deal with Louis while Nick was designated the lucky lad who got to break the news to the boys that they’d be getting up at 6am the next morning and why.

XXX

When Harry came back from brushing his teeth he was a bit surprised to find Zayn still in his bed, a book open in front of him as he read by flashlight, the glow making him look a bit ethereal and it wasn’t fair that even in the universal position that made you look like you had about four different chins that Zayn would still look incredibly attractive, it had to be voodoo magic or summat Harry mused to himself as he padded over to his bed.

No sooner had he slipped beneath his covers was there a knock at the door.

“Knock-knock boys. It’s Nick, hope you lads are decent.” The counselor joked before stumbling in. “Right good you’re both in, wouldn’t want to have to write either of you up.” He said, looking pointedly at Zayn.

Harry bit his lip, perhaps Zayn and Perrie weren’t as stealthy about going off to snog as they thought they were, but when he looked over to his roommate he found him rolling his eyes, not even bothering to pause in his reading.

“What’s this all about Grimmy?” Harry clipped, still not on good terms with the older man.

“Thank you for asking young Harold.” It was Harry now, who rolled his eyes. “I was sent here by Cowell to tell you lot to pack a weekend bag before you hit the ol’ haystack tonight on account that you all, along with yer mates will be going on a two night camping retreat up in the mountains.” At this Zayn finally lets his book drop to his chest, face the perfect picture of horror.

“As in hiking? The fuck we are, what for?”

“Team bonding?”  Zayn’s lip curled up and his brow furrowed and again he really had no right to look that good, no right at all.

“Bullshit, you’re taking the piss I know it…besides Cowell went and banned camping trips after the one where everyone got busted with booze, pills and the like.”

“He had done its true, but that’s been lifted now, and this is no joke. I suggest you pack something tonight Malik unless you want to live in just your pants for the next two days and word of advice it tends to get a bit nippy up there this time of year.”

“Team bonding what’s that even mean?” Harry thought to himself but Nick heard him and answered anyway.

“You’ll find out tomorrow won’t you? Someone will be round to fetch you bright and early at 6am so I suggest you save the bedtime reading for another night.”

“I’m not going Grimshaw; I’ve done nothing to deserve this!” Zayn growled, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Er, you sure about that Z? Is a certain canoeing incident not ringing any bells? Consider this part of yer punishment yeah? Cowell’s orders.” At that Zayn’s jaw shut with an audible click and he finally climbed out of bed, grumbling angrily to himself as he stomped over to his closet for his camping pack.

“You too Styles.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my hearing Nicholas.” He sniffed, before following Zayn’s lead and digging into his closet for his old Jansport backpack that he used back home before buying the fancy messenger bag he had now.

“Well guess I’ll leave you to it then, see ya bright and early at brekkies, sweet dreams.” Neither boy bothered to return the sentiment so Nick sighed sadly, shaking his head as he backed out of the room.

Nick made two more visits that night each time receiving pretty much the same reaction, though Louis' was a bit more colorful with threats to Nick’s bollocks if it turned out he was in fact taking the piss. Niall was only upset about having to get up so early but he quickly got over it once Nick mentioned breakfast.

He also made Nick promise to bring plenty of marshmallows for s’mores this time; having been burned in the past where there’d only been enough for everyone to have a single smores…it had been one of the worst moments of Niall’s young life.

Liam had been the most calm of them all, hadn’t even stopped in his typing of an email to his sister Nicola, simply shrugged his indifference and not so nicely told Nick to get the fuck out.

XXX

True to his word Nick sends Greg to the boy’s rooms the next morning on account of him having the most disarming face of the three of them, with his dopey smile and deep trusting brown eyes that made it so damn hard to be mad at him.

That’s the only reason he survived physically trying to drag Zayn out of his bed by his ankle.

“Yer dead James, when my eyes are fully open and I’m actually awake I’m going to (yawn) kill you.” Zayn snarled as he dug his nails further into the mattress, hanging on for dear life.

“Right but can it happen in the cafeteria in say ten minutes?” He tried to negotiate, finally releasing his hold on Zayn’s leg.“Because Ed’s got us on a bit of a tight schedule and you’ll want to get to breakfast before the masses catch wind on account of it being Pancake Day.” Zayn actually peeked one eye open to glare up at the taller man but ended up snorting at his earnest look and instead rolled to his feet to get dressed.

Harry watched on in amazement and just stopped himself from asking Greg to show him ’his ways’ because that had been truly inspiring. He leaves them to dress, confident that they’ll be fine to head over to the caf on their own. 

They dress in record time, grab up their bags and do just that.

When they get to the cafeteria they find that they’re the last to arrive and that no one is even surprised because it is Zayn after all, the surprise would be that he was actually up before noon on a Saturday.

“Yo Malik isn’t this like the first time you’ve been up for breakfast since you enrolled here?” Niall joked, stopping in his tracks with a plate toppling with pancakes in one hand and a smaller plate filled with an assortment of breakfast meats in the other.

“Hey Horan you want to be able to swallow that pile of hot cakes you got there or would you rather taste the dirt under my nails when I shove my fist down yer throat?” Niall didn’t even blink an eye as he continued on to his seat, knowing it was an empty threat not only because there were more than enough people in the room to prevent that from happening but also because he happened to know Zayn wouldn’t hurt a hair on his head.

“Mm damn right I do and these gorgeous sausages too.” Raising his voice a little and talking around a plump sausage he called out to the woman behind the lunch counter. “Really outdid yerself his morning Diane!” The elderly woman startled for a second before preening reluctantly at the unexpected compliment.

_Like you’re one to talk_ Harry felt like saying and he might have done if he were currently talking to the blonde which he still wasn’t. But the fact of the matter was Niall hadn’t been present to a single breakfast since _Harry’s_ enrollment so he really had no room to tease Zayn.

Harry grabbed some food and joined Louis at his table, the older boy had two pancakes and one sausage on his plate half of which were cut up into the tiniest slivers and yet he still hadn’t made much of a dent, the sausage was missing one full bite though so that was something.

But it’s not nearly enough and before the meal is over Greg pulls Louis aside and informs him that he’s going to be put on a nutritional drink for the trip. When Louis tries to protest Greg raises a hand to stop him.

“Soz Tommo but it’ got to be done, it’s to help keep you energized and give you some actual calories and nutrients to burn up  during this weekend’s activities.”

“But Greeeeeeg.” Louis whines eyeing the green can with a falsely happy chap on the label showing off his arm muscles like it contained tar.

“No buts Lou, Cowell’s orders. Now here, drink up.” He said, pulling the tab from the can and handing it over. Louis took it reluctantly bringing it up to his nose and flinched away from it in disgust.

“Jesus it smells like tar too.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh nothing you’d care to hear seeing as you apparently get off on my suffering.”

“Hey that’s not true…”

“Aw just put a cork in it will ya. It’s bad enough I’ve got to drink this slop, could do without your false sympathy and lies.”

“Look it’s just for this weekend promise but uh, I’m going to have to watch you drink it to make sure you do…”

“Are you serious? So not only am I being forced to drink this chunky piss, but I’m also not even trusted to do on me own? Need you to stand in as babysitter? Well enjoy the bloody show James…should’ve brought a tub of popped corn yeah? Come one come all to watch the elephant inhale a whole nutritional drink in ten seconds flat!” With that he tipped the can up to his mouth and took a long swallow, immediately gagging as if his throat was in protest over the whole thing.

“Lou, I’ve got to see you drink the whole thing down or else we can’t leave.”

“Oh great now ya tell me, you do realize no one actually wants to go on his dumb camping weekend right? I’d be a bloody hero by not drinking this shite.”

“Yeah but we’d just be stuck standing here until you did finish and you know how restless you get…”

“Fuck you.” He cursed; taking a deep breath before throwing is head back once more as if he were taking shots. He gags again but manages to keep it down somehow, though his breathing has gotten noticeably heavier.

“You alright?”

“No, I think I’m going to honestly be sick Greg, this shit’s dreadful taste and smells like tar, but looks like baby vomit.”

“I know it is.” Greg said sounding genuinely sorry which only made Louis angrier because he _couldn’t_ be angry with Greg “but it’s also mandatory.” Louis glowered.

“One more, I can maybe manage one more pull from this can and then I’m done Gregory.”Louis insists, Greg doesn’t agree to anything but watches on as the younger boy braces himself for another drink, retching even as the drink slides down his throat before handing the can off to the counselor who shakes it and realizes Louis had managed to finish off half the can which was honestly more than he’d expected.

“Guess that’ll have to do but I want a whole can at lunch.”

“All I can promise is that I’ll try.” Louis reasons, spitting at the ground trying in vain to get the awful aftertaste out of his mouth.

XXX

“How much further?” Zayn groaned hitching his backpack straps higher on his shoulders “my legs are starting to feel like jelly and there’s a good chance my lungs may actually collapse on me.”

“Oh suck it the fuck up Princess.” Louis spat in return as his short legs struggled to keep up with the group.

“Princess? _You’re_ calling _me_ princess oh that’s rich when you’re…”

 “I’m what?” Louis stopped walking, the challenge in his voice making Zayn stop as well and turn around to face him.

“The bloody ice queen herself.” He snapped back with a smirk.

Louis rolled his eyes and started walking again. “How original.” He muttered shouldering passed the darker boy.

“Cut it out back there, we’ve got less than half a mile to go.” Nick called over his shoulder, looking like he too had had enough cardio to last him a lifetime “and maybe you’ll want to cut back on the fags eh Zayn?” He couldn’t help but throw in with a teasing smile. Zayn looked up from a suspicious lump of something that looked too much like animal feces for his liking.

“What? Nah I’ve been clean since coming here, scouts honor.” Louis snorted

“Like _you_ were ever a scout.” He said at the same time that Nick blurted “you know we’re not complete idiots right?” Niall laughed a breathless sound as he tried his best to keep pace with everyone else, starting to really regret that second helping of pancakes he’d had.

“No? Only partly then?” Louis snickered, muttering ‘nice one’ under his breath.

“Enough out of you smart arse, I’m just saying we see a lot more than you all think we do but sometimes we turn a blind eye so long as no one gets hurt. Or you say, tried starting a campus fire for example—we’d have to say something then.”

“Yeah?” Zayn snaps his fingers, making an _aw shucks_ face “damn there goes my evening plans.”

“Just quit your whining we’re nearly there.” Nick snarled back, picking up the pace a bit, his long legs making it near impossible to keep up with.

“Where’s Liam when ya need him? Could do with a cheerful sing-a-long to pass the time!” Niall huffed out as he stepped over a branch.

“Uh, isn’t he up front with Greg?” Harry offered reluctantly, stating the obvious.

Louis scoffed. “ _That_ is not Liam that is a bitter shell of the man we once knew as Liam.” Louis had pitched his voice low enough that his words shouldn’t have traveled to Liam’s ears but the older boy stiffened noticeably anyway. Ed who was bringing up the rear of their little train knocked his shoulder into Louis' nearly sending the slighter boy into a tree.

“Hey!” He cried out, whirling around to glare at Ed only to find him already glaring right back.

“Shut the fuck up Lou or I’ll make you finish the rest of the hike barefoot.” Louis'' eyes widened but he kept his jaw locked in defiance.

“You can’t do that, that’s abuse.” He dared say but the ginger boy didn’t miss a beat, grinning without mirth.

“Wanna try me?” That shut Louis right up because while he honestly didn’t think Ed had the authority do that, this was one fight that he didn’t want to risk losing as he tripped over yet another pinecone.

XXX

The first thing the boys did when they reached the campsite was drop their packs, not even caring where they landed to throw themselves onto the logs surrounding the fire pit.

“Fuck I’m out of shape!” Niall wheezed, half sitting, half lying on Zayn’s lap, sweaty despite it still being pretty chilly for late February-almost March.

“Argh gross Niall.” Zayn complained and made a pitiful effort to shove him off but he was much too weak from the hike to be effectual “I’ll say this now I am not moving again the rest of the weekend, if we’re doing any camp fire sings or meditation it’s being done right here, from this spot.”

No sooner had the words left is mouth did Greg, the outdoorsmen of the group clap his hands and demand they get up and gather around him, which they did slow and reluctantly.

“First order of business lads, is to set up camp now that the sun’s up and we can see what we’re bloody doing. I’ll divide you into two teams; a team of two and a team of three to see who can build their tent fastest, the winners will be exempt from a later activity if they wish, so there’s an incentive boys! Now I think the teams will be Niall and Harry versus Liam, Louis and Zayn.”

“How is that fair? Three against two and they’ve got Payno the bloody boy scout?” Niall complained, as he handed the tent still folded up in its carrying case off to Harry.

“Believe me Horan; you’ve got the advantage here.” Greg managed to mumble just low enough for Niall and Harry to hear, which they didn’t truly understand until they actually got started.

“The instructions are in Swedish.” Liam complained as he set the tent down and started unraveling it.

“We don’t need instructions Liam.” Harry pointed out offhandedly; they were setting up a tent not performing heart surgery how hard could I be?

“I dunno, I’ve constructed tents before with my Da but I just like having a clear cut plan, like to know what I’m doing as I’m doing it.”

“You must be great to have around after a trip to IKEA then.” Niall quipped, as he and Harry more or less got themselves tangled in the tent.

“What’re you doing just sitting there Tommo?” Liam asked suddenly when he realized it was just him and Zayn who was fiddling with the poles (and definitely putting them through the wrong holes) actually working.

Louis looked up from where he’d been watching an ant crawl up his boot.

“Uh overseeing? Think I’m more of use this way to be honest, out of yer way and all.” Liam narrowed his eyes because he knew exactly what Louis was doing, trying to get out of doing any of the work.

“Oh fuck off and at least clear some of the pinecones, brush and whatnot from the area.” Louis frowned but didn’t argue just stood up to do just that.

“Leeyum do you think this pole goes in this hole or was it supposed to go through his ring instead because it looks a bit funny this way yeah?”

“Good god Zayn that’s all wrong if we put the tent up that way one swift breeze will snap it in half god you’re bloody useless, why don’t you just go off and I don’t know gather some tinder and firewood think you can do that without mucking up?”

“Whatever Liam, you wanna do this yerself fine!” Zayn sneered, throwing the pole he held to the ground and stomping off into the woods.

“Guess James was right we do have the advantage it’s two on one now.” Niall muttered with a grin that wasn’t returned by the taller boy.

“Sure some advantage we can’t even keep from getting tangled in the bloody thing, don’t think we’re meant to be wearing the tent pillock.” Harry grunted out as he twisted in the opposite way that he has been in hoping that will finally free them from the tent’s clutches.

“Pillock? You’re one to talk!” Niall growled back and nearly poked himself in the eye with a pole. A few more minutes of wrestling with the tent Harry and Niall managed to untangle themselves just in time to hear Liam hoot loudly, arms thrown up in the air in victory.

“Think I’ve smashed it.” Glancing over at Niall and Harry’s slack jawed faces he couldn’t help but crack up a little.

“Good on you Lee, nearly clocked it in about five minutes, while those two haven’t even laid out the bottom yet!” Louis crowed face the picture of impressed. Harry growls to himself at that, he’s never liked losing and maybe he also felt like he had something to prove.

“Yeah well I had this git as a partner slowing me down.” Harry offered pitching is thumb in the blonde’s direction.

“I’m a git now am I? Well maybe you can be like Payne and do it all yerself then, I’m done!” Niall said throwing down the pole in his hands and stomping off to help Zayn with the firewood.

Harry tried, he really did gave it a valiant effort but after a few minutes of failed attempts to get the tent to not collapse he kicked at the lump of material that should’ve been a functional tent by now, cursing.

“I don’t fucking need this kind of stress, I’ll fucking sleep under the bloody stars then!” Liam who’d been watching him, laughing to himself finally took pity and walked over.

“I got this Haz; you just go calm down or something? Go play with ants like Tommo?”

“You sure? I could help…” Liam made a face and shook his head.

“Um, no I don’t honestly think you could; besides I remember how to do it now, I’ll have it up in no time on m’own.”

“Alright guess I’ll just get out yer hair then.” Harry said walking off to join Louis on the log.

When Liam finishes up with the second tent moments later Greg and the others join them, having assembled their own tents.

“Nice work boys.” Greg says, sounding genuinely impressed as he moves to test out each tent.

“Yeah well we’re right manly men who are more than capable to doing manly thing.” Louis offers with a straight face but Greg isn’t fooled.

“I saw Liam doing all the work…for _both_ teams; you’re not fooling anyone Tommo, Liam is the sole winner so only he will be exempt from a later game or exercise.”

“Exercise?” Zayn asked, looking pale as a ghost.

“Not that kind of exercise ya dope.” Niall laughed, earning himself an elbow to the ribs.

“Behave you two or do I have to separate ya like we’re back in primary?”

“Alright then, so now that we’ve got our tents settled and have plenty of firewood thanks to Zayn.”

“Oi, I helped!”

“Fine thanks to Zayn _and Niall_ we’re free to get started with the whole reason we brought you all up here.”

“Yeah speaking of what did we do to deserve this punishment?”

“Apart from the whole not reporting your canoe accident? It’s not actually meant to be punishment; we all just felt that the five of you could use a break? Thought you’d appreciate some time off campus, and it goes without saying that you all need a bit of group bonding, you’ve all be acting off—not sitting together at meals, avoiding each other and bickering whenever you do come into contact and we don’t like it. Thought you’d come up here and remind each other why yer friends.” Ed explained, his hands moving around frantically as he spoke.

“And I understand a lot of your hurt and anger stems from the fact that there’s a whole heap of trust issues going ‘round and so I thought we could try to do something about that as well while we’re at it.”

“So you really mean to have us sit around in a circle holding hands and talking about our feelings and legit singing kumbaya? Like we’re always joking about all the time but yer going to _actually_ make us do it?” Zayn asked, jaw dropped practically to the ground.

“Not exactly but close enough yeah.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Means we’ve got a few games to play Tommo.” Ed says already passing out sharpies and index cards to the others.” Liam takes his with a frown but it’ Niall who vocalizes his thoughts before he can even open hi mouth.

“What is this schoolwork on a bloody Saturday?”

“No it’s a game Horan do try and keep up, some of you may even already be familiar with it, two truths and a lie?”

“Are you serious? Zayn asked, sucking his teeth in annoyance at having been drug out of bed at Satan’s tea time for _this._

“Yeah mate? Love this game!” Niall crowed excitedly, his sharpie already uncapped and scratching across the top of his index card. He paused to angle his body away from Zayn, hiding it from the darker boy who just rolled his eyes and made a show of looking in the opposite direction.

“Great great well for those who aren’t familiar the rules are pretty self explanatory you’ve each got an index card where you’re to write two true facts about yourself and then a lie, do not put your name on it because we’re going to be borrowing Niall’s snapback to mix them up and then I’ll read a card out and you’ll all have to first guess whose it is…with the person whose card it is playing dumb of course, no cheating! I’m looking at you Tommo.”

Louis made an offended noise, bringing a hand to his chest but couldn’t hold his straight face for long and conceded, cracking up because it was true, he was known to cheat at games.

“After you guess whose it is, you’ll have to guess which fact is the lie…pretty simple yeah?”

Harry watches as the other boys immediately set to writing their facts, some more reluctantly than others, Niall and Louis in particular seem to be having a time of it, snickering loudly at whatever their writing and blindly reach out to bump fists even though they have no idea what the other is even laughing at. Harry chews absently on the cap of his sharpie trying to figure out what to write, truth be told he’s never even heard of this game let alone played it before, it seemed like the kind of game friends play for shits or something that would be suggested at a party.

Well he hasn’t got any friends back home and he’s certainly never been invited to a party, but the rules were simple enough he just honestly couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t painfully obviously _him_ or would be of any interest to the boys.

He’s only got 1 of 3 facts written by the time Niall takes his hat off and flips it to drop his folded index card in, shortly followed by Louis and Zayn’s card thrown in with a casual flick of his wrist. Harry’s brow furrows in concentration not wanting to keep everyone else waiting. He thinks of a second fact just as Liam’s folding his card in half and adding it to the hat.

Harry can feel everyone’s eyes on him and hates it, hates being the one slowing things down. So in a desperate move he writes the first thing to come to his head and scribbles it down quickly and recaps his sharpie before tossing his card in too.

“Alright lads, I’m just going to give this a good mix.” Ed said, holding the cap by its bill and shaking it around in a mimicking the motions of sautéing veggies in a skillet “and just go for it.” He says, reaching in for the first card.

Carefully unfolding it, Ed squints at it, shaking his head.

“Really lads you’ve really got to work on yer penmanship because this is atrocious.” He chastises before reading out what the card says

_I once thought about auditioning for X factor_

_I’ve only got one kidney_

_I met Jay-Z and nearly wet myself_

Louis snorted loudly, his head immediately swiveling to meet Liam’s eyes. “You do know you were meant to at least _try_ and make this a challenge Payno? I mean one kidney? I wonder who that could be.” Liam frowns, shrugging.

“So you think this is Liam’s card then Lou? Does everyone agree?” Everyone but Harry nods, no contest, he doesn’t know the story behind the one kidney like everyone else seems to but he nods along anyway.  “What’s the verdict Lee…is this yer card?” Liam nods, a quick jerk of his head and doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes.

“Alright then one part down, now you’ve all got to band together to decide which is the lie, careful now you only get one guess so talk it out amongst yerself before ya say it, don’t just go blurt it out _Tommo.”_

“Yeah-yeah I know the drill.” From nearby Nick lets out an obnoxious yawn his head pillowed on Greg’s boney thighs, Ed glares at him.

“Sorry mate, think getting up at the arsecrack of dawn’s finally catching up with me reckon me and Greg should’ve just played or something, keep us alert?”

“Naw, this is for them Grimmy, go in the bloody tent for a kip if you really feel you need one.”

“Hmm, that’s alright think maybe I’ll go search my things for some gum though.” He said, more to himself as he stood, stretching out before heading over to his pack.

“Ok lads bring it in.” Louis said, face looking gravely serious for a change as he motioned for them all to  huddle up close, even Liam who did so reluctantly, his face the picture of nonchalant not giving anything away which Harry could tell was really pissing Louis off. “The kidney bit is obviously the truth yeah so it’s down to him weeing his pants in front of his own personal god or…”

“Almost auditioning for the X factor.” Niall piped in helpfully. “Think that one’s a truth too, he told me a while back about going to the audition when he was fourteen but then chickening out at the last minute.”

“Are you sure mate?”

“Yeah yeah, I’m sure he told me it like pretty early into our friendship during like our second jam session.” Niall said, offering Liam a quick smile at the memory that was barely returned.

“It’s settled then? Final answer?” Everyone nodded and broke the huddle so that Louis could inform Ed of their decision. “We choose #2 as the lie.” Louis informed, seeming to appoint himself as group representative, nobody argued.

“Sweet, well Liam are they right?” Everyone turned to look at the quiet boy; he waited a few blinks before blurting.

“Nope.”  Making sure to pop the ‘p’ obnoxiously.

“What do you mean nope…you _said_ you’ve only got the one kidney…that’s why you don’t drink!” Louis accused completely forgetting there were three, count them three counselors sat there listening in.

“It’s true boys that I only _had_ one kidney the other one was weak, underdeveloped or some rot but the other week I went in for my annual checkup and the doctor said it’s magically righted itself—or finally caught up with its twin or summat. Point is yer wrong.” It could’ve been Harry’s imagination but he thought Liam took great pleasure in saying that, watching Louis' face flick through ten different emotions before settling on annoyance.

“Wait, so you’ve really met Jay-Z then?” Zayn asked all of a sudden, causing Liam to smile for the first time and nod exuberantly.

“Yeah, wasn’t much of a meeting though. Went to use the loo at a Kanye concert and ran into him by chance. There I was with a full bladder when I see my idol coming out of the toilets. I was gob smacked to say the least, but I did manage to shake his hand and tell him I thought he was master class and even got a picture with him on my phone. Always meant to make it my profile picture on Facebook but never got around to it before everything with Andy happened.”

“Wow mate, yer a legend!” Niall crowed reaching over to pat Liam’s hip and Liam let him do it, shaking his head.

“Not really, Jay-Z’s the legend. I just managed not to soil myself in front of him!”

“Nice team work deducing which one was the lie and coming together to agree on an answer, even if it was met with failed results, it was executed nicely, moving on to the next card.” Ed announced, fishing into the hat for one.

_I was once in a nappy commercial_

_I’ve never actually been in a fight_

_I think the Beatles are the greatest artist of all time_

“This one might actually be a bit of a challenge because who here hasn’t been in a fight? Bet it’s you curly…don’t reckon those spaghetti arms of yers struck much fear into the boys of whatever Nancy private school you went to.”

“Heyyyy! I’ll have you know…” Harry started to protest but no one seemed to paying him any attention so he just shut up instead.

“Could be Nialler though because of the last fact about the Beatles?”

“Naw mate everyone knows the Eagles are the greatest artist of all time or Buble...”

“Buble? But he’s just getting started!” Liam argued, as a big fan of Michael’s.

“Exactly just think of it, the Beatles they’re done they’ve already reached the maximum of their career but Buble’s just getting started and he’s already incredible…just imagine what he’ll accomplish by the time he reaches McCartney’s age yeah?”

“Guess it’s not Niall then.” Liam mumbled under his breath.

“Unless he’s trying to throw us off” Harry threw in suddenly out of nowhere, drawing all eyes to him. Louis shook his head.

“What about Zen, he’s been awfully quiet over there.”

“Huh, oh kind of zoned out trying to think who’d make a cute enough kid to be featured in a nappy commercial.” He said with a cheeky smirk.

“Pfft that’s obviously the lie innit…I say this one is Nialler or Haz what d’ya say Payne?”

“Harry, not only does he seem like a Beatles fan but also like you said with those arms of his I doubt he’s ever been in a scrap.”

“Everyone agreed?” Niall nodded while Zayn tilted his head to look at Harry and shrugged.

“Yea, I reckon that guess is as good as any.”

“Alright Sheeran, Harry final answer.” Ed turned to Harry who sat chewing his lip and quirked an eyebrow.

“Well Harry is it yer card?” Harry breathed out through his nose, his teeth still gnawing at his bottom lip and shook his head once.

“What? No way…was it yers then Niall?”

“No! I bloody well told you, m’an Eagles fan.” Everyone turned to Zayn who sat grinning sheepishly.

“It’s mine.”

“ _You’ve_ never been in a fight before?” Niall blurted without thinking.

“Not unless you count whacking my little sisters with a pillow.”

“But you were in a _gang_.” Louis pointed out helpfully.

“Mmhm, turns out if you just stand there and look tough you can get away with anything so long as you’ve got a enough people around you, the bigger the number the less chances of people wanting to fuck with you ya know.”

“Hey Zayn! No giving away the answers, they’ve still got to guess which is the lie!”

“Huddle up boys.” Louis said, gathering them all (minus Zayn this time) close.

“What ya reckon is the lie?”

“I say the nappy one. It’s a bit ridiculous innit?” Liam said with a giggle that surprised not only the group but Liam himself.

“Yeah but maybe too ridiculous or just ridiculous enough to be true…besides everyone knows Zayn’s more into R&B.”

Harry shook his head thoughtfully. “I dunno Zayn’s got a pretty eclectic taste in music yeah? He could be a diehard Beatles fan at heart.”

“But he is mighty pretty you have to admit, and I reckon he probably made for the cutest little baby, would it be too much of a stretch to say that a nappy company thought the same thing?”

“Well when you put it that way…”

“I think the Beatles fact’s the lie.” Niall blurted out over Louis and Liam’s arguing.

“Alright Niall, you know ‘im best…”

“Oi I live with him!” Harry protested with an offended pout.

“I’m aware Harold, what are you saying you don’t agree?”

“No I do agree, I just feel like I might know him a bit better is all.” He murmured petulantly.

“What because of yer dumb bedtime confessions?” Niall snorted. “I’ve known him for months longer; I’ve already heard half the shit you all talk about at lights out and then some.”

“Fuck you Horan no one bloody asked you…”

“Lads.” Ed calls out in warning.

“Simmer down you twats, are we going with the Beatles as the lie then?” They all grumble affirmatively and Louis finally moves to break the huddle and mimed hitting a buzzer.

“We’re gonna go with the Beatles being the greatest artist of all time as the lie for 400 Alex.” Ed rolled his eyes and smirked, looking to Zayn for confirmation. The darker boy tipped his head in a nod.

“Yeah that’ the lie….everyone know Michael Jackson is the greatest artist of all time.”

What’s this nappy commercial business then, don’t tell me I’ve been mates with a celebrity all this time?” Niall jokes, reaching out to lightly whack Zayn on the shoulder.

“Naw, I’m not a celebrity but one of my aunties does commercials and the baby the casting director had chosen wasn’t working out and so she called my mum down last minute told her to bring me along and I was in the commercial instead on account that I was the cutest baby ever and a perfect angel to boot.”

“Huh what happened then?” The blonde joked earning yet another fist bump from Louis who crowed.

“Puberty hit him like a cricket bat that’s what!” Zayn rolled his eyes, not even bothering to look offended.

“I’m not even going to humor you by entertaining the thought that I’m not the best looking bloke here!” That set the rest of them off arguing, each boy arguing his level of hottest, talking over one another until it all sounded like a loud roar of thunder, ocean waves and even a bit of static, until Zayn finally put his hands up in defense.

“What I didn’t say you all looked _bad_ just that I look _better_.” This did nothing to quiet the noise and finally it was Ed who was shouting over them.

“We’re moving on lads!!!”

_I dressed up as the red power ranger 3 Halloweens in a row_

_Back home I’ve only got 1 mate_

_My prized possession is me guitar_

“Ha!  This would’ve been a tossup between Niall and Hazza were it not for that last one that’s Niall’s card no contest.” Louis announced without even bothering to consult the others, but no one argued him and Niall was too busy giggling in his seat.

“Yeah I agree  as if the whole guitar bit doesn’t give him away his poor grammar certainly would’ve, how many times do I have to tell you it’s ‘my’ not ‘me’?” Zayn teased earning him an unbothered shrug of the blonde’s shoulders in return.

“Right which is the lie though boys?”

“Easy innit? Number 2…Niall’s friends with everyone! You can’t meet Niall and not feel like you’ve known him for ages straight away.”

“Same could be said for you though Lee, yer the bloody Mount Serenity’s one man welcome wagon and yet you didn’t have many friends back home.”

“I had a few though, more than one and this is _Niall._ ”

“I know that, I’m just saying a lot of people change when they get here, sometime for the worse—most times for the better so maybe he came out of his shell when he came here.”

Again it was up to someone to cut in or else the two of them would go on arguing for hours, days even. “What about the red power ranger thing? Like how likely it is that someone is going to dress as he same thing for three years in a row?” Harry asked, doubtfully.

“Someone who is truly dedicated and with good taste too, because the power rangers are and forever will be the shit bro.” Zayn said surprisingly straight-faced.

“Are you serious _you_ were a power rangers fan?” Louis asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“I am, present tense, got a problem?” The darker boy challenged, raising his chin in response.

“No I uh…I love them too Billy was my first gay crush actually.” Louis admitted timidly.

“Look can we focus here? Which is the lie 1 or 2?” Harry shouts, wanting to get all this over with.

Everyone but Louis agrees on #2 but majority rules so Ed accepts that answer and turns to the blonde.

“So which is it Nialler?”

“Number one lads, it was actually the red Teletubby I dressed up as for 3 years in a row and well back home I’ve just got Josh and that’s cool he’s all I ever needed really.”

“Ok two more to go, you’re doing great boys learning a lot about each other yeah? Just when you think you know everything there is to know about someone they often surprise you don’t they? Now since it’s just Lou and Haz left they’re not allowed to guess this round.”

_I’ve never been camping before_

_I once thought I was allergic to my own jizz_

_I like girls_

A few beats go by before everyone but Harry, Louis and a napping Nick who against his own wishes to stay awake has manage to doze off in Greg’s lap. Louis' mouth was doing this funny twitchy thing though, obviously trying his best not to laugh, Harry wishes he had more of a poker face but as it was he currently ran a hand through his curls, wincing as a couple got tangled in the ends and didn’t meet anyone’s eyes.

“That one is definitely Hazza’s…he’s the only one dumb enough to try and pull the wool over on us using a shite lie as I like girls.”

“You think that’s the lie then?” Liam asked, trying his best to look stoic but whatever method he was using to keep his laughter at bay failed as he folded over, his giggles spilling out like a broken dam.

“It would be the lie for all of us honestly, but Tommo’s not that dumb to put something _that_ obvious.’

“Heyyyy.” Harry finally spoke, affronted.

“You guys are completely missing the best fact of all—he thought he was allergic to his own spunk! God I can’t wait to hear the story behind that one.” Louis hooted, doubling over in laughter.

“Lewis, I thought I told you to shut it?” Ed hissed in annoyance.

“Oh please Ed this one was a 1, 2, 3 deal, even you have to admit it.”

“Tossers, the lot you.” The ginger grumbled under his breath but didn’t deny it.

“Well is it yours Harry?”

“Yes.” Harry groaned, frowning and crossing his arms over his chest.

“I personally think the last one is a decoy like it’s _too_ obvious…I think he’s bisexual and therefore does like girls, the second one is so outrageous like too random and detailed to be a lie, like who but Tommo would think that up off the cuff? So by process of elimination I think it’s the unassuming choice the camping one, I mean he’ a fit lad—did sports in school and he did the hike up here without complaint unlike the rest of us…well except you Payno.” Zayn offered but Louis quickly shot him down with a dubious noise.

“Yer full of shit Malik…the lie is that he likes girls, obviously.” He said waving a conspicuous hand in Niall’s direction but the blonde shook his head.

“I dunno, I heard rumors he’s in here because he got caught shagging an older chick, some teacher or something?”

“Rumors? You mean the two of you haven’t gotten up to talking about it during many of yer ‘hang outs’?” Louis presses, using actual finger quotes because he’s an actual knobhead.

“Naw, we usually tend to communicate by speaking in tongues if ya know what I mean?” Niall joked without missing a beat, wagging his tongue obscenely at the older boy.

“That was awful Horan; I’m actually semi proud, but alright freak lapse in judgment then? Like maybe she was just convenient, a shag of opportunity but I know this kid, he’s all about the cock.”

“I’m with Niall, I think Harry’s the type to love everyone no matter gender, race, or religion he just loves love…like a regular modern day hippy he is.” Liam spoke up after a good stretch of silence.

Zayn growled out in frustration.

“Jesus, can we just agree on one so we can move on to the last card and end this god forsaken game already? Niall and Liam say choice #2 and I’m siding with them, so that’s three against one, you lose again Tomlinson.”

“Harry?” The curly haired lad cleared his throat and met Zayn’s eyes.

“Actually it’s you who loses. Lou was right.”

“Figured as much truth be told, just didn’t want to agree with the ponce.” Zayn admits with a shameless shrug.

“Yeah well it’s uh its true what Niall said about me and sleeping with an older chick um but before her I didn’t really have a sexuality if that makes sense? Like I’d never been on a date or had any real crushes in school and certainly no one ever bothered to fancy me or ask me out, but I knew I was a bit different. Like I’d stare a little too long at one of my team mates in the locker room after a game but I was a teenager show me even the tiniest bit of skin and I’d get hard in the time I took you to blink so still I didn’t think anything of it. But it was during an episode of my mad fat diary that I realized I might actually prefer boys…it was during Finn’s shower scene in that one episode…I know now it wasn’t even the actor Nico Mirallegro’s wet soapy bum they showed but it didn’t matter like it was the first image I actually wanked to and it was pretty much that only image I could get off to for a while after, until she seduced me and by then I was just so happy to have _someone’s_ attention it didn’t really matter that she was a girl…”

“So you’re in here for shagging an older woman but you don’t actually like woman…just her?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“And when you were wanking off to this shower scene is that when you thought you were allergic to yer own jizz?”

“Oh god, yeah got this terrible rash all over me hand right after coming and thought it was some kind of allergic reaction and got worried, even had Mary my nanny look at it and she took me to hospital where the good doctor informed me I was allergic to goat cheese which had been a key ingredient in that night’s dinner.”

“Wow that story wasn’t half as interesting as I’d hope…lame!”

“You think my almost dying is lame? I was lucky a rash was the worse of my reaction!”

“Oh don’t be drama queen Haz…and you’ve also never been camping?”

“Well mum left early on and my dad never really had time for me so no.”

Things go quiet after that as everyone avoids Harry’s eyes as they’re reminded of why Harry is there in the first place that behind those dimples and often cheery disposition was a hurt little boy, a little boy who’d been abandoned by his parents to be raised by nannies and the rest of the house staff.

“Word of advice it’s no usually this gay…like the whole playing games and shit.”Louis pipes up then, relieving a bit of the tension as everyone laughs and Niall is quick to follow after.

“Though there will be s’mores and campfire songs later on which are pretty sick.”

“And burnt wieners!” Zayn manages to say with a straight face though the corners of his mouth twitch a bit obviously wanting to stretch out into a smile.

“Naturally what camping trip would be complete without burnt wieners? Really Malik that goes without saying!”

“We’ve already got the hiking bit out of the way at least and back when I’d go with my dad and brother we’d go out in a boat and fish…but I doubt we’ll be doing any of that.”

“Nope, sorry Li but all water sports are off limits his weekend.” The boys snigger and Greg realizes what he’s said and blushes before cursing at them. “You know what I meant wankers!”

 “Well I’m not much into such kinks Gregory so I think we’re good.”Lois couldn’t help but poke fun, eyes twinkling mischievously at Greg’s flushed cheeks.

“Alright smart arse lets just get the last card done and over with so we can move on to the next activity…Eduardo if you will…” Ed cracks a smile at the nickname and shakes his head.

“Ok so we know it’s Louis' card but can you guess which is the lie boys?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully as he reads Louis' random facts aloud.

_Won an all you can eat Jaffa Cake contest_

_In year 9 I played Kenickie from Grease_

_I’m not wearing any pants_

All at once all four whirl around to stare incredulously at Louis, who didn’t even flinch as he met their gazes with a smug smile of his own.

“Oi and you had the nerve to say Payno’s answers had been obvious.”

“Think what ya like mate.”

“It’s got to be #1 innit, the kid can barely finish a slice of pizza before he’s distracting everyone long enough to shove it away.”

“Again I must reiterate that people change all the time, I may not eat now but perhaps in my youth I was a bottomless pit?”

“Where’d it all go then to ya arse?” Louis squawked and Niall just did move out of kicking range in time, giggling into Zayn’s shoulder.

If it had been anyone other Niall Louis would’ve had no qualms about getting up and losing his foot up the blonde’s arse but as I was Niall seemed to have a sort of immunity amongst the group, he was untouchable and well aware of the fact and took advantage of it often.

“No wait, I actually know for a fact that Tommo hates Jaffa cakes!” Liam supplied out of nowhere and the others all turned to him. “It was on our first weekend off campus together we went into the sweet shop and was having a hard time choosing between a box of Jaffa cakes and tolberone chocolate bar and I remember he literally smacked the box of snack cakes out of my hand in disgust and told me to keep those horrid things away from him!!!” He recalled, puffing his chest out proudly.

“That settles that then the whole playing Kenickie in grease thing sounds about right, as dramatic as he can get—it’s only natural that he’d take to the stage…too bad MS doesn’t have a drama club eh Lou?” The older boy said nothing, just watched on in amused silence.

He other boys seem to agree that number one was he obvious right answer and Harry thought so too only there was something troubling him about that fact. “But wait if #1 is the lie then that would mean he’s not wearing any pants right now?”

While Niall and even Liam but more subdued cracked up at this new information while Zayn shot the slighter boy a considering look. “How unfortunate…he’s got to be chaffing after that hike then.” Ed cleared his throat.

“What’s the verdict then lads?”

“We say 1’s the lie, the one about Jaffa Cakes.” Ed nodded at Niall and turned to Louis for confirmation.

“Lou?”

“Errnt wrong! It was actually number 2…I played Danny not Kenickie.”

“Wait, then why did you act like Jaffa Cakes were made from Satan’s bollocks that one time? I know I didn’t make that memory up.”

“I used to love them, but after vomming for three straight hours after winning that bloody contest when I was nine it sort of turned me off the things for the rest of forever.”

“And you’re currently not wearing pants?” Harry asked with a raised eyebrow feeling a mixture of amusement and disgust at the thought.

“Nope.” Louis admitted proudly, relishing in the various looks of revulsion and unease on everyone’s faces.

“Well why the hell not? Are you mad?” Was what Niall finally said once he found his voice again.

“No, I just uh…you remember when Greg left us to get dressed and head down to brekkies and I chose to get a few more minutes of shut eye before scrambling around to get dressed when you yelled directly in my ear that we had five minutes? Well I was so tired and moving so frantically thanks to your barking at me that I just grabbed up the closest pair of clean trousers and rushed out the room after ya sans pants.”

Niall snickered. “Wow, hate ta be yer willy right now, that’s all I gotta say.”

“It actually hasn’t been that bad, my joggers are loose enough and it’s still cool out so it’s not like I’ve been sweating profusely, but I do mean to pop into the tent in a mo and slip some on before we start any activities.”

“Well ya better go on and get to it” Ed ssaid shooing him towards the tents “because I want to get one more activity in before Niall starts whining about lunch.” As if on cue the blonde’s stomach gurgled it’s appreciation for that plan.

“It’s bloody uncanny.” Harry mumbled to himself.

“So what’re ya gonna have us do next Sheeran play a riveting game of duck duck goose?” Niall asked just to annoy the ginger but Ed shook his head unfazed as he pulled something out of his backpack.

“Not quite.” He said ominously, and Harry had to blink to make sure he was seeing right and sure enough when he opened his eyes again there Ed stood holding up three blindfolds with a puckish grin on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok ok i know i'm evil for ending the chapter like that but i didn't even get through the first day and the chapter was already creeping up on 11k which is just too long for a chapter so i had to split it in half but now hopefully chapter 29 won't take me too long since i have most of it already planned out...*crosses fingers*
> 
> Anywho hope you enjoyed this installment, thank you for sticking with me and this story and don't be shy about telling me what ya think <3


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to all who are still with me. I am so so so sorry for the lag between updates real life and lack of motivation are entirely to blame and ok maybe the zayn drama fucked me up a bit too but *sigh* i think i'm good now whatever happens is going to happen and i'm ready for it and more importantly ready to write again so yay.
> 
> Standard warnings apply sorry i'm not better at determining what is triggering and what isn't since i personally have no triggers it's hard to gauge what might upset someone aside from the glaringly obvious so please leave a comment if there's something in this update that you feel requires tagging or mentioning!!!

Niall’s eyes bug out making him look disturbingly like a Furby as he brought his hands up in front of him as if to fend the older boy off.

“Erm Ed I don’t know what all Cowell agreed to but if you mean to have us partake in some kind of kinky ass orgy count me out, don’t really relish seeing Grimshaw’s pasty arse starkers.”

“Oi, I’ll have you know, I’ve got a pert little bum thank you.” Louis snorted.

“Right keep telling yerself that if that’s what it takes to help you sleep at night, Grandpa.” Nick made a choking noise looking genuinely upset by Louis' words which shouldn’t really come as much of a surprise since everyone knew how sensitive Nick was about aging but the hand Greg used to pat his thigh seemed to soothe him well enough.

“I assure you these are _not_ going to be used for a kinky orgy ya knob, our next activity will be an exercise known as a trust walk.”

“A what?” Zayn asked eyeing Ed as though he was insane and Harry was grateful that this time he wasn’t the only one completely clueless.

“A trust walk, you boys will be paired up by drawing straws, then decide amongst yourselves who will be blindfolded then Nick, Greg and myself will construct a sort of makeshift obstacle course using random things we find lying about—nothing too challenging but enough that the blindfolded lad will need the help of his partner to navigate through without bumping into anything. The point is that the blind person _trusts_ their mate to get them through the course without incident yeah?”

“This sounds like a terrible idea Sheeran—like yer just asking for someone to break their neck or summat.”

“Thank you for your unwarranted input Niall but do shut up and draw a bloody straw already.” Niall’s eyebrows screw up for a moment until he notices Greg holding out a fist with four straws sticking out of it at him.

“Why’s there only four then?”

“Since there is an uneven number of you Liam is exempt from this exercise for setting up the tents earlier.”

“Aye so you knew Lou and Zayn were going to be of no bloody help to Payno all along eh?”

Ed at least had the decency to look sheepish as he shrugged. “Let’s just say some people are ridiculously predictable and leave it at that.” Louis looked as though he wanted to argue, perhaps tear Ed a new one but he was distracted by Niall pulling a straw about the length of the blonde’s pinky.

“Alright whose next? The person who draws the second short straw will be partners with Niall, if you draw a slightly longer one then you’re in the second group.” Moving over to Zayn, Greg offered his hand once more. Zayn sucked his teeth already more than fed up with these stupid exercises and carelessly grabs at the first straw he comes in contact with.

It doesn’t match Niall’s.

“Tough break Zee would’ve been a laugh partnering up together yeah?” Zayn shrugged because honestly he’s so over these games that no, not even the thought of getting to pair up with Niall would’ve made it tolerable.

Louis gulped as Greg came to stop in front of him, eyeing the two remaining straws as though they were the pin to a grenade for once he actually wanted to draw the short straw knowing that having to work with Zayn would be a living nightmare.

He pinches the tip of one straw between his fingers and starts to pull it up but freezes as an unsettling weight finds it’s way to his gut and he releases it abruptly and goes for the other one instead at the last minute, snatching it up before he can change his mind again and nearly drops to his knees in anguish as his eyes land on the straw identical to Zayn’s.

“I want a redo; I demand a do over you saw that that was the one I was going for originally.” Louis whined, shaking his fist that was clutched around the god forsaken long straw at Ed.

“Yeah but you changed your mind so too bad, Harry that means you’re with Horan. Now the four of you need to decide who’s going to be donning blindfolds while we get to work putting the course together—Liam you can help if ya like.”

Liam makes no move to rise from his seat on the log and instead watches the other four reluctantly try and sort out who would do what with a smug air about him.

“You’re going to wear the blindfold naturally.” Louis said with a flip of his wrist making Zayn’s eyes narrow in his direction.

“Sod off why me?”

“You’re just seventeen and already smoke like a chimney; nearly killed a bloke and you’re currently dating Perrie which all tolled shows a tremendous lack of judgment and you expect me to _trust_ that you won’t direct me to walk straight into a tree or summat? I don’t think so.”

“Dating Perrie? Did you really just say that after every—” He cuts himself off before he can say too much still looking perturbed.

“Didn’t stutter did I? Louis asked with a mean sneer that left no room for arguments.

”Well I’m not wearing the blindfold.” Harry said firmly, meeting Niall’s eyes head on “think it ought to be you since you’re the whole reason we’ve been forced up here.”

“Me?” The blonde squeaked, holding a hand up to his chest and looking utterly confused. “How do’ya figure that?”

“If you hadn’t stuck your nose in where it didn’t belong then maybe things wouldn’t be so messed up right now.” Niall made an indignant noise, face curling in anger now to match Harry’s own expression.

“Oh sure suppose I’m also the reason Zayn and Lou hate each other and I remember now, it was I who physically stopped you lot from helping Liam when he was down…silly me how could I let that fact slip my mind?” He spat still scowling, a look that didn’t quite fit the blonde and shook his head. “You know what I don’t even care I’ll wear the bloody thing then—anything to get this over with.”

“Rock, paper scissors.” Liam blurts suddenly from his seat causing the others to whirl around to face him. He doesn’t meet any of their eyes, instead focusing on toeing random patterns into the dirt with his trainer otherwise unbothered by their dilemma.

“What’s that Payno?”

Liam shrugs. “Do as we always do and settle the matter with a game of Rock, paper, scissors best two out of three. Winner doesn’t wear the blindfold fair and square.”

“That could work.” Niall reasoned turning to the others with a thoughtful look.

“No no, I thought you just said you would wear it?” Harry whined, eyes wide and pleading as he looked between Niall and Liam and back again. The blonde shook his head, lip curled in disgust.

“Fuck that, I’m tired of always being the one to bend when it comes to you Harry, you haven’t cornered the market on pain Styles so this whole martyr act’s gettin’ real old.” Harry’s mouth drops open in shock, looking completely dumbstruck.

“Brilliant idea Lee, I’m deffo up for it.” Louis said turning to Zayn who just shrugged his agreement his fingers already itching for a cigarette and the weekend had barely begun he didn’t know how he was meant to survive two days without his nicotine fix.

“Guess we’ll go first then, Leemo you mind coming over here to judge?”

There’s a moment where Liam looks like he’s going to refuse, like he still wants nothing to do with them and Louis feels his toes start to go numb at just the thought that his mate is still hurting that badly but then the older boy stands with a put upon sigh and lumbers over to where he and Zayn stood fists in hand ready to be counted in.

Liam takes on his referee voice: “Alright boys you know the drill best two out of three wins, no whining about a do over.” He says looking pointedly at Louis. “The choices are rock, paper, or scissors only none of that fire rubbish, this ain’t an episode of F.r.i.e.n.d.s yeah?” He says looking pointedly at Harry this time who at least blushes at being called out unlike Louis who’d simply shrugged, raising a defiant chin at Liam.

Zayn’s paper covers Louis' rock in the first round but Louis comes back with rock a second time and vigorously smashes Zayn’s scissors to proverbial bits, both boys are sweating, lips caught between their teeth as Liam counts them in for the last round: “Rock, paper, scissors shoot!” Zayn watches in horror as Louis throws out a pair of scissors to cut at his paper, which he only picked because he thought the other boy would go rock a third time.

“Damnit!” Zayn curses, snatching the blindfold Louis had been waving at him with a huge mocking grin.

“Alright boys you’re up.” Liam announced gesturing Niall and Harry over to take Zayn and Lou’s place.

Niall quickly takes the first round with a rock to Harry’s scissors, the second and third rounds the boys tie with first rocks and then paper, Harry thinks about saying fuck it and burning Niall’s paper with fire just to wipe that smug grin off the blonde’s face but decides not to risk pissing Liam off by breaking the rules. Niall ends up winning the whole thing in the fourth round when his bloody rock crushes Harry’s puny scissors a second time.

Harry growls and kicks at a nearby pinecone out of frustration as he grudgingly accepts the blindfold Liam hands him just in time for Ed and them to come back over deeming the course ready, but before Zayn or Harry can sneak a peek Greg and Grimmy spin them around so their backs are to it and do the honors of securing the blindfolds over their eyes. Afterwards they lead them over to the course, the blind boys clinging to them for dear life as they cautiously move with them.

“Grimshaw I swear if you make me trip over anything I’ll shave off yer eyebrows in yer sleep mate.” Zayn gritted out through a clenched jaw, his movements slow and uneasy.

Nick scoffs. “Zayn as if I’d risk you falling and snapping one of those twiggy limbs of yours, can you imagine how much trouble I’d be in with Cowell?”

“Yeah yeah, just don’t.” Zayn threatens his voice hitching as he steps onto uneven ground and holds onto Grimmy even tighter.

Harry is more subdued, fingers digging into Greg’s skin in trepidation as he stumbles more than walks but this was through no fault of James’s, Harry was just naturally pigeon-toed and it only got worse when he couldn’t see where he was going.

The makeshift course itself is nothing to brag about really they basically just took some of the boy’s bags and packs and set them in a crooked line, giving Harry and Zayn something to weave themselves through but it should still pose as enough of a challenge.

“Harold you’re up first.” Ed announces causing Harry’s head to shoot up from where it had been facing the ground as if pretending he could see where he was going would help even he slightest.

“What why me? Did Niall and Lou play another game of rock, paper, scissors?”

“Nope, alphabetical order this time.” Greg leads Harry over to the start of the course and gives Niall the go ahead.

“Erm alright ‘Arry ya can take about two steps then stop?” Niall instructs looking to Ed for confirmation. The ginger just grinned and nodded as if to say yep that’s the way to do it and everyone watched as Harry shuffled forward two steps hands out in front of him.

“Great now there’s a bag in front of ya you’re going to want to step over…” Harry raised a foot guesstimating how high this so called bag was and successfully stepped over it, letting out a huge breath in relief after.

“Alright now you’re gonna take four steps to the right before you hit your next obstacle.” Niall explained and watched as Harry did just that before the side of his trainer knocked into Greg’s bag and he let out a curse as his arms wind milled in an effort to stay on his feet.

“The fuck Horan!”

“My bad, guess it was three then.”

“Bloody hell.”

“Oi, could just let you walk into them all from here on, I’m bloody well _trying_ here.” Niall growled back, more than tired of Harry’s prissy attitude.

“Whatever let’s just get on with it then.”

“Fine, well you bloody well _know_ there’s a bag right there so step over it yeah?” Harry does so easily and waits.

“Just got a couple more to go and we’re home free.” Niall assures Harry in as calming a voice as he can muster. “This next one’s a big’un so we’re going to have to try and get around it instead of over it yeah?”

“Fine just tell me what to do…slowly.”

“Yeah—yeah alright take four steps to yer left.”

“ _Four?_ Are you sure?” Harry asks, sounding highly skeptical.

“Yes, positive.” Niall mutters out in annoyance. Harry worries his bottom lip as he cautiously follows Niall’s instruction, moving a lot slower than he was the previous two times.

“Alright the objects right there in front of ya…can he touch it?” He asks turning to Ed who thinks about it for a moment then shakes his head. “Damnit, alright you can’t feel yer way around it unfortunately so you’re just gonna wanna move in a semi-circle ya know like a half moon…”

“I _know_ what a semi-circle is Niall come on!”

“Alright alright so move slowly in a semi-circle about six steps?”

“You don’t sound sure mate.”

Niall threw his arms up in frustration even though Harry couldn’t see him. “Well it’s hard to measure a bloody semi-circle with just me eyes alright?!?!?”

Harry exhaled through his nose. “Fine six steps you said?”

“That’s what I reckon.” Harry shuffles around the bag and to everyone’s relief makes it, Niall going so far as the pump a fist in the air.

“Wey hey we made it to the last one Haz, but this one’s sorta tricky.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well it’s two tall one’s side by side so no stepping over them…but getting around them ain’t gonna be so easy either.”

“Ok…”

“Firstly I think we ought to get you over to them yeah so take three and a half steps to yer left.”

“Three and a half? Are you serious?  How the hell do I take a _half_ step?”

Niall rolled his eyes. “It’s just a smaller step then a normal one you eejit.”

“Ugh, whatever.” Harry mumbled and did as instructed.

“Great you’re there, the bags are right in front of ya so now what you’re gonna wanna do is move sort of diagonal like maybe turn yer body 130 degrees?”

“130 degrees what is this maths class?” Behind him Zayn giggles.

“I don’t know how else to say it so just turn yourself to the side and take eight steps…or you know what don’t I couldn’t careless but if you want this to be over you’ll do it.”

Harry hesitates but finally turns his body sideways and sort of crab walks his eight steps, tripping himself up on the second to last one. “Fuck!”

“Dude that was all you and your clown sized feet mate.”

“I know that, just shut up.” The taller boy spits and takes his final step “now what?”

“Flip yourself so that you’re still moving diagonal but going the opposite direction.”

“Fuck me.”

“It’s not that hard Haz...”

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one blindfolded, I have zero depth perception and I _don’t_ bloody trust you so this whole “trust walk” is rubbish!” Harry grunted, going so far as to bring his hands up to make air quotes.

“Harry!” Ed chastised causing Harry to swivel his head a bit in the direction of the older boy’s voice.

“What you want me to lie?”

“No but…” Ed trailed off in an accusatory tone, to show his disappointment that Harry wasn’t even trying.

Harry made an annoyed noise and moved into position. “I’m flipped now what?” He breathes out in a rush, one hand on his hip while the other one he used to snap his fingers trying to hurry Niall up so they can be done.

Niall can tell Harry isn’t positioned right and with the way he’s standing he’s likely to walk right into one of the bags but shrugs and tells Harry to take three steps to his right.

He does and just like expected this sends himself and the bag toppling over. Crying out as he falls he rips the blindfold off to glare over at the smug looking blonde.

“You did that on purpose!”

Niall grinned completely unbothered by Harry’s angry wet kitten look. “Course I did, said you didn’t trust me anyway so I figured why not get some entertainment out of the deal?” Harry’s glare darkens and Ed shakes his head in displeasure at the pair of them but instead of chewing them out like both boys expect he turns to Louis, slapping the slighter boy on the back.

“You’re up Tommo.”

With a nod from Ed Nick leads Zayn to the start of the course but not before Greg can add a few items to change it up a bit for the second team.

Despite the added challenge Louis and Zayn glide through the course almost effortlessly aside from the one cock up at the very beginning when Louis purposely directed Zayn straight into Niall’s bag and guitar case causing both Zayn and Niall to shout a string of imaginative curse words at him.

After that though the two of them surprised the others by working well as a cohesive team, Louis instructing Zayn over and around the items easily and Zayn never questioning Louis not once, going on literal blind faith that Louis wouldn’t lead him to smash face first into anything.

Louis' a little disappointed in the end when Zayn’s blindfold is removed and Ed claps them both on their shoulder congratulating them on a job well done the others expect Louis to be way more gloat-y about besting the other team but instead he goes quiet, hugging himself and making a point of turning his body away from Zayn.

“Well done boys and a decent effort from you two as well.” Ed says shifting his focus to Niall and Harry. “I think we’ll break for lunch so that Horan doesn’t begin gnawing at his own arm before moving on to the next game.”

“At least it’s a game and not another exercise.” Zayn grumbled his fingers literally twitching at his sides as his withdrawals really start in.

XXX

The group breaks up as Ed and them set up a fire, Zayn thinks about offering his services fancying himself a bit of an expert in that department but doesn’t really see that going over very well so he holds his tongue and instead takes a look around at the others.

Harry’s gone over to dig his iPod out of his bag, Louis' hovering by the food pack to see what all they brought for the weekend while Liam’s grabbed up Niall’s guitar without permission not that the blonde really minded, he was the type that didn’t mind sharing (except when it came to food) so long as the person took care of whatever they borrowed which he knew Liam would. Speaking of Niall Zayn scanned the area for him until he found him ducked behind a tree trying to get his attention, waving him over.

Curiously Zayn made his way to him.

“What’s up mate?” Making a show of looking around them Niall leaned in, pitching his voice just above a whisper.

“Look I conned Shelley into stealing a few fags from Harries stash last night, knew you wouldn’t last the weekend and I figure the best time to try and sneak a smoke in would be when there’s a fire going so I reckon we wait until they’ve put food on for cooking and say we’re going for a wee and that way I can light it for you and whatnot.” Zayn looks like he might cry.

“Are you kidding me Niall? Bloody hell I could kiss you, I can’t believe you’d do this for me, you’re like a real life angel right now.”

“Please don’t—there’s no telling where yer gobs been and it’s nothing to it really, I love you so.” He finished with a little shrug that caused Zayn to tug him in for a hug.

“You’re literally the best.” He breathed into his neck making Niall wriggle away laughing.

“Oi that tickles.” Louis glances over at the sound of Niall’s laughter and he frowns at how cozy the two of them look but turns his head the second his eyes meet Zayn’s.

Dinner isn’t anything fancy just beans and wieners but they devour them as though it’s been days since their last meal and not just a couple of hours. Zayn’s in a noticeably better mood now that he’s had his fix and it shows the way he doesn’t bite Harry’s head off for taking forever to fill his plate or when Niall gives him puppy eyes for his last few spoonfuls of beans despite the blonde having already eaten two servings.

XXX

Ed barely gives them time to digest before he’s pulling a big bag of M & Ms from the cooler and pouring  a few out into a paper bowl.

“Alright lads, now it’s time for dessert.”

“What happened to Smores?” Niall whined, though he couldn’t help but eye the bowl of candy hungrily.

“Not ‘til dinner, now take a few candies but don’t eat them yet.” Ed instructed, going around with the bowl and telling the boys to take as many as they want.

Predictably Louis declines his stomach still churning unpleasantly from the food substitute drink Greg practically forced down his throat but Ed shakes the bowl at him until he relents and grabs two. Ed continues around the circle until each boy has taken a few candies having to slap Niall’s hand away when he tried to go in for a second handful.

“Ok Louis quick pick a color.” Louis' eyebrow goes up in question.

“Uh…red?”

“Cool, now Harry do the same.”

Harry clears his throat and grins: “salmon.”

“Salmon? Really Styles you don’t make my job easy at all ok well salmon is a sort of pinky-orange so we’ll go with orange…you’re orange.”

“But I picked salm—”

“You’re Orange!!!” Ed barked, staring the taller boy down, just daring him to argue.

Instead Harry throws his hands up in front of him. “Alright, alright m’orange.” Satisfied Ed turned to the blonde.

“Niall?”

“Green o’course.”

“Right Zayn?” The darker boy hesitated a beat before a slow smirk finds its way onto his face.

“Chartreuse.” Zayn says chuckling at the fed up look on Ed’s face “naw I’m just kidding mate I’m good with just plain ol’ yellow.” Ed snarls and looks to the final boy.

“Liam?”

“Is blue okay?” He hedges causing Ed to smile for the first time, relieved.

“Yes Liam, blue is perfect.” Liam lets out a huge breath and the two of them share a brief smile before Ed glances down at the remaining candies in the bowl. “That leaves brown as the wild card then.”

“Wild card?” Niall thinks aloud.

“Yes, now you all might be wondering why I’ve handed out M&Ms I mean what kind of dessert is that? Well it’s not really dessert—you caught me, it’s part of the next game.” Everyone but Liam and Niall groan.

“Oh hush, I think it’s a fun one, each of you have M&Ms in your hand and have chosen a color to represent yourself now for each M&M in your hand you must say something nice about the person with the corresponding color. It can be something you admire, something that you find interesting or quirky about the other but only positive things, good vibes yeah? And if you have any brown ones you can say whatever you like be as random and imaginative as you wish or you can use them to say something nice about your lovely and super cool counselors that were nice enough to sacrifice their weekend to bring you all up here just sayin.”

“Yeah cheers for that mates, I’m sure we’ve got loads of nice things to say about you for such a treat.” Louis drawled with an exaggerated roll of his eyes.

“Sarcasm noted, but not at all appreciated so for that you may do the honors of going first.” Glancing down at the two candies in his hand Louis grins.

“I’ve got one red and one blue so that’s me and Liam ain’t it?”He waits for Ed’s nod to continue. “Alright well me I’m pretty great all around so picking just _one thing_ god what a challenge but I suppose I admire me leadership skills.” The others snort rather loudly but go ignored as he pops the red candy into his mouth and chews.

“As for Liam…well he’s pretty great too but I think what I admire most about ‘im is his heart it’s twice the size it should be and still growing, if any one boy could change the world for the better it’s ‘im.” Ed smiled, nodding at Louis to show he’d done good and turned to the he boy with the huge heart himself.

“Liam, mind going next?” Liam swallowed hard still reeling from Louis' words, he nervously shakes the fist that held his candies to buy some time, listens to them rattle like dice before peeling his hand open to see that he’s got five: two blues, a red, orange and brown.

“Um…” he starts picking up the orange candy first. “Harry is definitely quirky like you hear the term ‘dances to the beat of his own drum’ and you think to yourself what does that even mean, after meeting Harry I now know _exactly_ what that means…he’s one of a kind so I guess I admire his individualism?” He finishes tossing the M &M into his mouth and holding up a blue one next.

“I…have decent taste in music.” He mutters and chomps that one down as well before moving onto the next. “Louis is the funniest person I know and I’ve watched every Adam Sandler movie in existence and it’s still Tommo for the win.” He admits this with a straight face, though the corners of his mouth begin to twitch a bit as if wanting to smile, but he fights the urge.

Eying the second blue M&M he shrugs. “I’m pretty good at whistling?” He says it more like a question than a statement.

“Liam…”

“What?” Liam whines, at Ed’s accusatory expression. “I don’t know what to say about myself Ed, I’m not exactly my favorite subject if you remember.”

“You have so many admirable qualities Liam, don’t sell yourself short.”

Liam shrugs. “If you say so, now about this brown one…Ed you’re the best person I know.” He rushes his words out before the ginger can protest and tosses the last candy into his mouth.

“That’s—thank you Liam, you didn’t have to say that so thank you.”

“What are we chopped liver ay?” Nick gripes, putting his hands on his hips and shooting Liam a stern look that Liam can tell is just for show.

“Eh you’re a bit of alright but if you’re fishing for compliments sorry lads I’m all out of candies.” He said holding both hands up and wiggling his fingers at them.

“Go on and pick who goes next Lee.” Liam scans the half circle they’ve arranged themselves into and stops on Harry who’s chewing on his lip and avoiding eye contact.

“Haz you’re up.” Harry sucks his teeth and thinks about glaring at Liam for being a jerk but decides not to bother and instead studies the candies in his hand.

“Okay I’ve got…two yellows, a brown and…two greens.” He says the last with a sour expression and mutters a sarcastic _just great_ under his breath. “I’ll start with Zayn, what can I say about Zayn I think that people underestimate how warm and kind hearted you are because you were in a gang and you almost killed someone…they ignore the fact that it was an accident and that in actuality you wouldn’t even hurt a fly.”

He pops the first yellow into his mouth and speaks while still chewing. “You’re also wicked talented not only the random sketches you leave lying about our room but like I’ve heard you in the shower mate your voice is sick.”

“Whoa there perv what’re you doing peeping at me in the showers, Grimmy, James are you hearing this?” Zayn jokes but Harry can see the pink tinge blooming across his cheeks and rolls his eyes.

“I said I’ve _heard_ you in the shower ya donut.”

Zayn pressed a hand to his heart in mock pain. “Donut? My ego…tis bruised.” Harry rolled his eyes again but he could tell his roommate was only joking around to mask how touched he was by Harry’s words.

“For my brown I’d just like to say a quick word to Grimmy…” Harry started surprising the taller man, until he proceeded to flip him the bird before slowly placing the chocolate onto his tongue with a satisfied smile, totally worth the glare he was currently receiving from Ed.

“Oi, penalty! Red card thrown none of that Styles, _positives only_.” Harry shrugged not looking the least bit sorry as he jostled the final two candies in his hand.

“Niall…” He sighs. “Niall’s got an amazing smile and outlook on life no matter how far someone tries to knock him down he gets up every time still the same cheerful lad, so I guess that’s what I admire about him.” Ed shot him a thumbs up and turned to the blonde boy.

“Niall he ended on you so you’re next.”Staring down at his cupped hand the blonde let out a whimper.

“Fuck me I’ve got eight of these bloody things.”

“That’s what you get for being greedy.”

“Oh piss right off James.” Niall spat, using his finger to count out how many of each color he had.

 “Bugger all I’ve got at least one of every color lucky me…gonna start with Zayn there, suppose I should mention yer cheekbones shouldn’t I and getta load of those lashes…can we all just take a moment to admire this man’s lashes? Jaysus, but I think what I love most about ya is how chill you are, you’re just mad chill and relaxed yer so easy to be around.” Zayn reached out to bump fists with him in thanks.

“Hey that was like three things and you’ve only got one yellow there!” Louis cried out, crossing his arms in annoyance.

“Fine fine, moving on to Liam who is my own personal hero…Batman, Ironman hell not even Captain America himself can touch the Payne Train he’s just perfect is the thing can’t pick just one thing to say about the man who can do it all love ya bro.” Liam studied the ground in an effort to avoid Niall’s eyes but the telltale flush to his cheeks let Niall know he wasn’t unaffected.

“Got two reds here but what can I even say about Louis? He’s an absolute legend funniest man I know but also good for a chat—he’s much wiser than he lets on ya know?” Turning to Harry he let his eyes rest there for a moment before shaking his head.

“I’ll get to you in a mo Haz, gonna talk about me right now...Niall J Horan is a top lad always up for  a good time, a laugh and to help you clean off yer plate.” He deadpanned earning himself a snort from Zayn and a faint chuckle out of Nick. “I’m also a damn good guitar player and quite the chef if I do say so meself.” Kicking at a lump of dirt Niall studied his shoes as his attention returned to the curly lad.

“Now for Harry…um I don’t really know what to say about you, we’ve only really just met but what I can do is thank you for your friendship and for taking me out of my head sometimes. When we’re together I don’t go to the dark places so much anymore.” He admits with a casual shrug that doesn’t quite fit the situation.

Harry gulps and tries to keep his chin stiff and eyes hard because he hasn’t forgiven Niall no matter that he just basically thanked him for distracting him from his inner demons, no matter that the blonde has done the exact same for him taking his mind off of the life he left back home—helping him get over Caroline.

“And lastly I’d like to use this brown M&M to give a big Westside to my brudder from another mudder Tommo yeah buddie!”

And just like that Niall turned a somber moment into a jovial one sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth and throwing up a W sign with his left hand which was immediately mirrored by Louis, the pair of them looking ridiculous but happy.

Zayn coughed rather loudly drawing everyone’s attention to him. “Let’s get this over with yeah? Niall you’ve got this beautiful laugh—bro that shits infectious and exactly how I imagine angel’s farts sound like.” The entire group burst in unexpected laughter Louis included. Zayn doesn’t hide his proud smile as he eyes the slighter boy.

“Louis you’ve got a nice arse…” He admits which earns him more than a few raised eyebrows and pulls an unbothered expression. “What just because we can’t get along doesn’t mean I’m blind to his more venerable _ass_ ets.”

Moving on he raises one of his brown candies to his lips. “The first one is to thank Mr. Sheeran for proving that M&Ms do in fact melt in your hand” He mutters with a grimace, putting the candy into his mouth “and the second is to thank god that this is finally over.”

Ed watched Zayn make a show of popping the final candy into his mouth, not bothering to hide his disapproval.

“You know mate you really should’ve tried to draw that game out for a bit longer because I know you lot aren’t going to be happy with our next activity…you in particular Malik.”

“Oh yeah and what’s that?”

Greg stepped forward already pulling his huge pack onto his shoulders. “The one I’ve been looking forward to all day, my specialty.”

“Which is?” Harry asked genuinely confused by the way Zayn has suddenly gone pale in the face.

“No fookin’ way…you’re forcing us to do the ropes course?” Louis blurted with a sort of sinister look that was equal parts disbelief, annoyance and glee at the pure fear on Zayn’s face.

“You can’t Ed you know I’m not big on heights…” Harry watched Zayn swallow nervously and remembered his roommate telling him once how he’s yet to do the ropes course—always sweet talking his way out of it but telling from the determined look on Ed’s mug Harry didn’t think Zayn would be getting out of it this time.

“Tough shit because unless you’ve got a doctor’s note explicitly stating that you be excused from all heights related activities I’m afraid I in fact _can._ ”

The two stared each other down for a few beats before Zayn finally stood from his seat on the log, wordlessly stomping over to his backpack and following Greg’s lead grabbed it up and slung it onto his back, jaw set as he waited for everyone else to do the same.

XXX

Harry has never seen anything like it.

There’s a wilderness center a couple hours away from his house back home that he’s heard stories about but of course has never actually been to that boasted of an insane ropes course and climbing wall but looking at the one before him he suspected that this one was definitely the one to beat.

The course itself is made up of five challenges, ending with a zip-line back down to the ground. It starts off with a [rock climb](http://youtu.be/e6JOkM-AAu4?t=4m46s) except instead of a wall they will have to climb up a tree using the pegs provided to the starting platform. From there they’ll have to balance themselves across a [swinging log](http://youtu.be/ExaAnb0349o?t=2s) to reach the second platform.

Once there they’ll first have to hoist themselves up so that they’re hanging from a rope stretched out from one tree to the next and then perform a [monkey crawl](http://youtu.be/e6JOkM-AAu4?t=3m21s) from one end to the other. Next up is a set of four [tire swings](http://youtu.be/e6JOkM-AAu4?t=5m8s) they’re used to cross to the second to last platform, once completed they have only one final obstacle left two swinging trapeze bars that lead to the [zip-line](https://youtu.be/Getis93xIHQ?t=2m22s) to finish the course.

After drawing straws the teams are as follows: Niall with Liam and Harry with Greg, leaving Zayn and Louis together much to both boys’ dismay who are not at all shy about voicing their displeasure.

But Ed tunes them out and figures everyone will want to draw straws a second time to determine who will go first but to his surprise Liam and Niall enthusiastically agree to go first and get through the course with no problem aside from a minor snag when Niall’s knee locks up on him during the monkey crawl but after a quick rubbing he’s good to go.

Greg volunteers him and Harry after that and surprisingly Harry’s usually clumsiness does not apply when thirty feet off the ground because he’s a natural taking to each challenge like a fish to water and with the support and encouragement from Greg the two of them finish the whole thing in record time despite this being Harry’s first time ever doing anything like this.

It’s the last teams’ turn and neither boy look very gung-ho about it as they approach the first obstacle the tree climb, Greg is there to instruct them of course even though they’ve heard the spiel twice already he grabs them both by the shoulder to make sure he has their undivided attention.

“Alright boys you ought to know the drill by now but I’ve got to remind you to always and I stress _always_ remain hooked to a cable throughout the course using the carabiner attached to your safety harness, the only time you are to unclip is to clip onto the cable of the next obstacle and I would hope you’d know to do this only once you’re safely on the platform, this is to ensure that if for whatever reason you slip or lose your grip that you don’t fall thirty feet to your death yeah? You’ll simply hang there until you can sort yourself out again or I can come up and assist you got it?” Both boys’ heads bobble affirmatively and he lets his grip on their shoulder’s go.

“Other than that have fun boys and remember communication is key, talk to each other, encourage each other if one of you is having trouble or lagging behind then the other needs to support them because there’s no moving onto the next challenge until you’ve both completed the one before it understand?” Again their heads bobble up and down if not a bit more hesitant this time.

“Great! Now who’s up first?” Zayn turned his head to admire the lovely spring foliage that was trying its best to grow despite the stubborn winter chill that still clung to the English air making Louis roll his eyes and step forward.

“Guess I will, don’t fancy being stood under the platform when Malik gets up there and inevitably wees himself.” He waits for a snarky retort but when one doesn’t come he starts to regret being such a prat and sneaks a peek at Zayn’s near ashen face as the Bradford boy cranes his head back to look up at the ropes course and almost opens his mouth to boycott the darker boy having to go through with it because anyone with half a brain could see Zayn was terrified, it’s wasn’t bloody right.

But because he was supposed to be mad at Zayn he kept his lips pressed tightly together and silently curses himself for caring at all, the heart was a treacherous organ keeping people tucked away inside long after you’ve decided to be done with them.

Carefully clipping his carabiner onto the hoop at the end of the pulley Louis started his climb.

All told it wasn’t too long a climb the pegs were spaced out far enough that it only took about five minutes to reach the top making thirty feet seem a lot less then it was, that is until you’re actually up there looking down at your mates now resembling residents of munchkin land from this new vantage point.

“Let’s go Malik you’re up, don’t wanna be up here all day.” Zayn doesn’t put up any kind of resistance, clipping himself in with shaky hands he closes his eyes for a brief second then starts to climb.

It takes him double Louis' time on account that he kept pausing every so often to talk to himself—when he was finally in ear shot Louis realized the other boy was muttering little payers to Allah for strength and safety and before he can stop himself he’s offering Zayn a hand up.

“Thanks.” Zayn breathed once he was standing upright again, unclipping himself from the pulley only to clip himself onto the line above their heads.

Louis shrugged, surveying his nails. “Whatever, got tired of just standing here.”

“Right well get on then this next challenge doesn’t look too tough.”

Louis sniffs “I’m sure if curly can do it without tripping on his own ski-sized feet anyone can.”

He’s not wrong as both boys make it through the next challenge, without a hitch, Louis slowly shuffling across the log with his arms stretched out at his sides for balance while Zayn went with the heel to toe method.

It’s the third challenge that gives them a bit of trouble; neither boy has exceptional upper body strength so it takes Louis an embarrassing amount of tries before he can even pull his legs up to wrap around the rope, finally succumbing to the fact that he needed Zayn’s help and stoically allowed him to assist with a hand to the small of Louis' back.

“Fuck.” Louis growled out as he arms began to shake a little.

“Just go with it yeah, the longer you just hang there the weaker yer arms will get.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Louis spat, though he tucked the information away because it sounded useful…he’d just never admit that fact to the other boy.

“Yeah alright don’t listen to me then.” Louis growled again and finally began pulling himself along the line, it wasn’t as difficult as he thought it would be it helped that the carabiner held most of his weight but his hands were sweating and slippery inside his gloves as he pulled himself along and every now and then he’d go too fast and catch his ankle with the rope causing a bit of rope burn making him cry out a colorful arrange of words that should never be repeated in polite company.

By the time he’s done he’s covered in sweat and needs to lean against the tree to keep his balance as he gives Zayn the go ahead. Zayn has just as much of a struggle getting his legs around the rope as Louis had, but unfortunately he doesn’t have a partner to assist him.

 But just as Greg is readying himself to climb up and help Zayn musters every ounce of strength in his body to hoist himself up and roars when his legs finally make contact, his right leg looping over the rope while his left which missed dangles there for a moment until he can get that one over as well.

For a moment he just hangs there, panting from his efforts but once he’s caught his breath he takes off like a bullet gliding across the line effortlessly though Louis can see his arms have begun to shake, but Zayn doesn’t stop powers through it until he’s made it to the fourth platform.

“Shit…that was…fuckin’ brutal.” Zayn pants loudly, bringing the back of his gloved hand up to swipe at his sweaty forehead as he too slumps against the tree to try and gain his bearings.

“Yeah it is, don’t really see what this fookin’ has to do with team building like they can’t _make_ us work together up here and we haven’t been, truth is I couldn’t care less if you make it through each challenge or if the line snaps and you fall to your death.” Zayn’s head shoots up at that, eyebrows furrowing as he trains sad Bambi eyes on the older lad.

“You can’t mean that Lou…what the fuck did I do—what changed? One minute we’re having fun sneaking off to snog in dark corners and the next thing I know you’ve gone frosty on me again.”

“I came to my sense you mean…”

Zayn drew back as if struck. “So it’s like that then, we’re really going back to our old ways?” Louis barely bothered to shrug.

“Should’ve never been any different, terrible lapse in judgment that.” 

Angrily setting his jaw Zayn pushes away from the tree, his shoulders set in determination he clips himself to the next challenge and gets to work without another word to Louis which is more than fine with the older boy.

For the second time the two boys conquer the obstacle in completely different ways, Zayn choosing to use the tops of the tires to walk across while Louis decides to put his feet into the actual tires and move along that way.

By this time Louis is exhausted doesn’t even know how he’s made it this far, he’s got zero energy left and two challenges to go and has no idea how he’s going to finish, his legs and arms are both shaking in mere anticipation of what’s to come, he’s swimming in sweat and smells it, he’s thirsty as hell and the heat from the sun is ruthless and unrelenting the way it seems to be beating right down on him but he’d rather die than admit any of this to Zayn.

Without discussing it the two of them have been switching off who goes first and unfortunately it’s Louis' turn but there is _no way_ he can do it right now, but he doesn’t want to be the reason there stuck up here for the rest of the day and glancing down he sees that the other boys have taken seats on the ground because they’ve already been up there the longest of the three groups only Ed and Greg remain on their feet, shielding their eyes with their hands in order to keep an eye on them.

He breathes a huge sigh and regretfully turns to Zayn, whose jaw is still clenched tight, eyes glaring straight ahead of him. “Look I can’t be the first one this time, need a mo to recover from those tires so how about you just go on?” Louis expects Zayn to give him shit, or refuse to go just to be an ass but to his shock Zayn simply shoulders passed him muttering:

“Whatever.”

It’s not fair how easy Zayn makes the trapeze challenge look, like Liam he’s always been naturally gifted at sports the only difference between them being that Zayn smoked so he tends to get winded a lot easier, but right now fueled by anger he makes sure he’s clipped to the correct line before leaping for the first of two trapeze bars swinging his hips and legs in order to build momentum and after a while he is swinging within reach of the second bar. Only when he tries grabbing for it with one hand he misses on the first try, not to be discouraged he tries again and can’t help the hoot of triumph that leaves his lips when he actually catches it, holding on tight enough to release the first bar—letting it swing freely behind him. 

The second trapeze is even easier than the first and before Louis can blink the darker boy is standing on the platform patting himself on the back which only makes Louis frown deeper having hoped he’d have more of a rest before it was his turn to give it a go.

He still hesitates a bit before approaching the edge of the platform, waiting for both bars to go still before hooking his carabiner to the line and bends his knees as if to make a jump for the bar but balks at the last minute and moves down into a squat instead, trying in vain to stretch the shakiness out of his legs.

“Come on Lou!!! You can do it!!!” Niall calls up to him through cupped hands and it’s not the first time his roommate has shouted up encouragement but Louis' mostly ignored him but right now he could use all the encouragement he can get, because between the heights coupled with his fatigue and the sun’s cruel rays he’s not doing so good, thinks he might truly be sick as his vision goes a bit cloudy staring out at the bar in front of him.

Taking a page from the blonde’s book Harry does the same, “You’re at the end Lou!!! Two measly bars and a zip line baby!!”

Louis snorts, it was easy for Harry to call the trapeze ‘measly’ with those long garden hose arms of his but Louis who always shied away from admitting how small he was, was absolutely bricking it right now with his stubby arms and little hands there was no way this last stretch wasn’t going to be the most challenging.

He flips them both the bird for their efforts and isn’t at all surprised to hear Niall’s resounding full belly cackle in return, assured that the blonde had correctly read his action as gratitude.

Recharged and feeling a bit more confident Louis makes to jump again and this time catches the bar—just barely and hangs there his arms immediately wavering like they could give out at any minute, his face feels hot and splotchy from breathing so heavy he’s so tired—so done with all this and thinks about just letting go and throwing in the towel, begging Ed to let him quit.

Truth is he’s only made it this far out of sheer force and his own stubbornness because he didn’t want Zayn to see him as a quitter but right now he doesn’t give a single shit if he looks weak to the other boy…he just wants this nightmare to be over.

“Fuuuuuck.” He grunts out, struggling to keep his grip.

“Lou?”

“I can’t do it, Zayn…s’too hard I’m letting go.” He arms feel like jelly and his sweaty hands makeit difficult to hold on.

“No you’re not; you’re going to finish what you bloody well started.”

Louis glares. “The hell I am...”

Zayn snarls back. “The boy I know isn’t a quitter he’d just as well let his arms fall off then admit defeat where’s he at?”

“He checked out after the logs mate, I’m done for.” Louis admits weakly but Zayn isn’t buying it.

“Lou look at me.” He doesn’t want to react, especially not to the use of his nickname but he slowly rolls his eyes up to meet Zayn’s. “Babe I’m right here, I won’t let you fall.”

Something inside Louis threatens to snap in half at Zayn’s words, torn between wanting to believe him and knowing that the other boy cannot be trusted.

“Yeah right like I’d trust _you_ , you’d gladly watch me fall to my death, it’d probably be the highlight of yer day, certainly make all this bullshit worth it.” Zayn just shakes his head.

“What like you did when I nearly drowned? No, you jumped in and saved me now why’d you do that if you claim to hate me so much?” Zayn doesn’t wait for a response “It’s because you care about me Lou, I don’t care what you said in the staircase that night I know you feel something for me and deep down you know I care about you too and I _won’t_ let you fall…besides so what if you do the worst that happens is you hang there in your harness until Greg helps ya down and you don’t finish the last leg of the course no big deal you made it this far mate, it’s alright to let go if ya need to…but I just don’t buy that you need to, fuck yer Louis fucking Tomlinson, you may be a lot of things but a quitter ain’t one of them now swing that gorgeous little arse of yours over here Tomlinson.”

Louis breathes sharply through his nose, eyes never leaving Zayn’s as he gathers the last of his strength to get himself going, swinging over to the second bar and blindly reaches for it, his eyes still locked with Zayn’s.

“That’s it babe, it’s right there you just gotta grab it.” Louis makes a pitiful noise as he reaches out and misses, the tips of his fingers just make contact before swinging away again.

But he doesn’t give up, it takes him three more tries but he finally grabs the second trapeze, breathing labored and he looks absolutely drained but also fiercely determined to finish and with Zayn’s help he does just that.

Once on the platform he launches himself at Zayn without thinking falling into his arms, breathing into his sweaty neck, he feels and smells gross but he doesn’t care—he needs this, doesn’t worry about how this looks to the others below, doesn’t remind himself that he’s supposed to be angry with Zayn for the cheating bastard he is.

In that moment he chooses to be selfish and allows himself to be held by the boy he foolishly loves.

Finally pulling away he shoots Zayn a soft look and raises a hand as though to caress his face but instead he grabs for his nipple and gives it a nasty twist. “Fuck you my arse is not little.”

They both do the zip line effortlessly though Louis is so exhausted he’s unable to enjoy the ride but when he makes it down he’s at once surrounded by his mates greeting him with hugs and congratulations even Liam offers him a smile and a muttered: _proud of you_ before slinking away again and best of all Greg offers to ride him piggyback back to the campsite so all things considered he’d definitely call it a win.

XXX

They return to camp for a dinner of reheated chili from the cafeteria and baked potatoes. For the first time in a long while Louis is absolutely famished and is the first one lined up with a bowl for chili and eats so much of it that Greg tells him he can skip tonight’s nutritional drink if he promises to drink a whole can the next day. Louis agrees.

Zayn’s just settled in to eat when a shadow falls over him and he looks up to find Louis standing there holding out a cold bottle of water to him.

“Here I, uh, noticed you didn’t grab one on your way so…”

Taken aback Zayn accepts the bottle. “Oh erm, thanks?”

Louis shrugged. “Suppose I owe you thanks too, so thanks.”

Zayn shrugged his own shoulders. “No problem, I knew you had it in ya, you did it not me.”

“Right but it was you—what you said that urged me on.”

“You’re welcome then.” Louis nods and leaves him with a small smile, headed back to his own food.

When he gets back to his seat beside Harry Louis can feel the taller boy’s eyes on him and dutifully ignores him in favor of mixing butter into his potato while it’s still hot or until Harry gives up.

His good mood is ruined when he spies Zayn and Niall sneaking off for the second time that day and thinks about following them because if his roommate was going to be hooking up with his ‘enemy’ behind his back then he wanted to know about it but he knew letting Ed and them know he was going for a wee so soon after those two had gone off would look much too suspicious and oddly enough he didn’t want to get the others in any trouble—not until he knew all the facts so instead he settles for giving both of them the cold shoulder for the remainder of the night.

Nudging Harry he waits until Harry’s turned to him, mouth full of chili. “Do you know what’s up with Zayn and Niall?” The curly topped boy makes a show of chewing and swallowing before clearing his throat of the chili’s spice.

“No, I didn’t realize there _was_ something going on between them.”

“Don’t really know if there is, hence why I asked but they’ve been acting mighty chummy lately, keep disappearing into the woods together.”

“They’ve gone for a wee Lou…is that seriously you’re only evidence? Because if so Sherlock Holmes you are not.”

Louis shoots him and unamused look. “Ta smart arse, but I mean they’ve been so close and cuddly lately as well.”

Harry nods his head in thought. “I’ve noticed but I think that’s mostly because besides myself Niall’s the only one of us who’ll even give Zayn the time of day.” Louis waved him off.

“Eh semantics, the point is I don’t like it…you think the two of them are secretly hooking up?”

Harry chokes on the spoonful of potato he’s just shoveled into his mouth. “Jesus Lou, warn a guy next time—my god, but to answer your question no, why…are you jealous?”

“Jealous? Of what? You’re the one whose got this ‘will they/won’t they’ thing going on with the Irish prat…I’d just like to know if one of me best mates was fraternizing with the enemy.”

“Zayn’s still the enemy then?”

“Yes, of course what would make you think otherwise?”

“I don’t know for a while there the two of you seemed, I don’t know…friendly and then there’s that hug you gave him during the ropes course…”

“I did _not_ hug him, I simply mistook him for the tree you wanker, I was about ready to collapse and used him to stay upright is that a crime? I assure you it was nothing more.”

“Right, well something’s changed between you ever since you saved him that day in the lake, If I were a betting man I’d have put big money on you two burying the hatchet by now but I guess I was wrong.”

Just then the boys in question return walking close and giggling with Zayn’s arm thrown causally over the blonde’s shoulder. He glances up and over to Louis, smile still in place but it instantly melts the moment is eyes meet Louis', the older boy sending him the dirtiest look he can muster dripping with venom before turning away to face Harry once more.

“ _Dead_ wrong.”

XXX

With the sun officially down the boys are free to do what they want for the next hour until lights out because even up in the mountains they’re still apparently to be treated like children. Louis and Harry are assigned to one tent while the other three are to share the second larger one.

They’re briefly warned not to ‘try anything’ because much like at school the three counselors will be rotating who stays awake to ensure no hanky-panky is had (Nick’s actual words.)

Niall and Zayn stay by the fire talking softly and roasting marshmallows for smores, Harry who’d had his first smores ever that night had almost made himself sick consuming not one but three before having to bow out.

Liam disappeared into his tent once again wielding Niall’s guitar which left Louis and Harry to retire to there’s Louis absolutely knackered from the day’s activities he could barely keep his eyes open.

“Do you snore curly?” This surprises a laugh out of the taller lad, who just shrugs.

“Dunno have ta ask Zayn.” Louis shakes his head and curls up on his side still facing Harry.

“Too tired, don’t fall asleep until I do just in case because Niall snores and I’ve learned that so long as I’m asleep when he starts up I’m safe…if he falls asleep first I’m fucked.”

“Alright, you look like you’re about to pass out any second anyway so I think you’re safe babe.” Louis hums.

There’s a few beats of silence as Harry listens to Liam plucking out the cords to Champagne Supernova by Oasis, listens to the sounds of the forest, crickets and cicadas battling to see who can chirp louder, an owl hooting in the distance, hears Niall laugh a something someone-probably Zayn has said and can’t help but think back to his conversation with Louis about the two of them and how on edge Louis seemed—like a jealous lover which didn’t make sense but Harry couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he was missing something.

“Hey Lou can I ask you something?”

 Still trying to find a comfortable position Louis hums, “mmhm.”

“What’s really going on with you and Zayn?” Louis yawned, eyes closed to mere slits.

“Cheating bastard.” He blurts, so tired his words come out a bit slurred.

Harry’s eyes widen. “Cheating bast—on who? Who’d he cheat on?”

Without opening his eyes Louis frowns. “Said he loved me but then he snuck off with blondie.”

“Zayn cheated on you with _Niall?_ For real?” Harry can hear his heart beating loudly in his ears as he awaits Louis' response, doesn’t know what he’ll do if it turns out that Zayn and Niall are together.

“Not Niall…Perrie, said it was done with her but then I saw him…” Harry still can’t believe what he’s just heard, he’d suspected something was going on but at most the figured they were on their ways to becoming friends—never in his wildest dreams would he have suspected the two of them of hooking up—of falling in love.

Though now looking back it made perfect sense.

“When did you two get together?”

“After canoe trip.” He mumbled into the hoodie he was using as a makeshift pillow.

Harry gasped. “That long? The fuck bro why didn’t you tell me?”

“Secret” Louis says bringing a finger up to his lips and shushing him.

Taking in a deep breath Harry finally asks the million dollar question: “Do you love him?”

“Insanely.” He says without hesitation and adds “hate him too though.”

“I’m so sorry Lou…”

“Me too, no more Harry…sleepy.”

“Yeah ok, sweet dreams boobear.”

“G’nite.”

Harry knows there’s a good chance Louis won’t remember this conversation ever taking place in the morning and wonders if he should just keep it at that, maybe he can ask Zayn his side of things without letting on that he knows, maybe he can whack his best mate upside the head for keeping this from him then clobber Zayn for being dumb enough to cheat on Louis. He’s got so much to think about but for now sleep seems like the smartest option knowing Ed would no doubt be merciless tomorrow by waking them at the ass crack of dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!!
> 
> <3 Jen
> 
> p.s I modelled the ropes course in this chapter after the real life one that was at the summer camp i went to as a child (all except the trapeze bars) in case anyone feels the course was too extreme lol, i didn't go to an extreme sports camp or anything it was just your regular run of the mill camp so idk what to tell ya :)


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings for mentions of cutting and some negative/self loathing thoughts on Liam's part that could be triggering...
> 
> sadly doris and ernie do not exist in this universe :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *taps mic* Yoo hoo anyone still with me lol
> 
> Hello again, here is the next installment half a year later (smh) I really am sorry that I’m so shit at updating but that’s life unfortunately :( I don’t want to promise that I’ll update more frequently and then…not like I have in the past but I assure you that I do plan to finish this as soon as possible bc it’s ridiculous that I started this fic a little after entering the fandom and here we are 1 member down and on ’hiatus’ and I’m still writing it...that’s crazy!!! So yeah I’m deffo going to get my butt in gear and finish this story up for you all. 
> 
> I apologize if this chapter sucks but I’m quite rusty and need to get back into the right groove and flow of this story again.
> 
> So without further ado…Chapter 30

Ed’s already got a fire going, a few strips of bacon frying up by the time the sun hits the horizon filling the chilly morning air with the glorious aroma which is exactly what draws Liam from his slumber, climbing out of his tent in baggy joggers and a fleece jumper, looking soft and sleepy and adorable as he struggles for a second to zip the tent back up behind him.

Stumbling sleepily over to Ed he plops down on a nearby log yawning loudly before offering the older lad a small smile. “Mornin’.” He says finally and Ed has to look away before his heart does something truly embarrassing like skip a beat.

“Good morning.” He replies more to the fire then to Liam but if the other boy noticed he doesn’t comment on it. “Sleep well?”

Wrapping his arms around himself for warmth Liam shrugs. “Not really, Niall kicks in his sleep and for some reason Zayn was humming, I’ll have to ask Harry if that’s normal but other than that it was nice—falling asleep to the desolate sounds of nature, it was calming.”

“Did you _need_ calming?” Ed asks, voice laced with concern as he finally meets Liam’s eyes.

Liam shakes his head. “Nah, yesterday might’ve been intense for the others but I managed to make it out more or less unscathed don’t you think?”

“Maybe.” Ed admits and although he hadn’t consciously made it so that Liam would be exempt from the more emotionally draining of activities the other day he couldn’t deny that Liam did have it a lot easier than the rest. “But don’t think the same is going to happen today—you all got the more physical activities over with, however today is more about mental and emotional bonding.”

“Oh goody.” Liam says dryly before letting out another huge yawn.

“Oi don’t be a knob!” Ed accused, standing from where he’d been crouching by the fire to sit down beside Liam on the log.

Without thinking he brought a hand up to rub over Liam’s head. “S’getting long.” He murmurs almost to himself. He’s seen pictures of a younger Liam with curls that could rival Harry’s, that made him look so sweet—so young.

“Yeah think I might pay Teasdale a visit when we get back, buzz it all off again.”

Ed hums, still stroking his fingers through Liam’s short strands. “Or you could try something new?”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“I dunno Liam isn’t there another look you’ve wanted to try? Other than action man?”

“Well I’ve kind of always wanted to try a Mohawk.” Liam confessed, lighting up like an excited puppy at the thought.

Ed made a face.

“Uh, how about we compromise and you try one of those mini ones.”

“What like a faux hawk?”

“Yeah, exactly.” Liam nods, sighing as his eyes fall shut enjoying Ed’s ministrations.

Ed bites his lip, watching Liam’s serene expressing, eyelids twitching ever so slightly as he enjoys the impromptu scalp massage. Admiring how content he looked, wishes it could always be like this for hm.

He knows he ought to stop, knows that no good can come of this train of thought but Liam just looks so beautiful that a small, selfish part of Ed won’t let him stop, wants to take what he can relishing the time they have alone while the others are still asleep to—

“Don’t stop.” Liam mumbles sleepily and Ed hadn’t even realized that his hand had stilled.

Ed gulps loudly and forces himself not to comply, to instead stop his hand, to go flip the bacon before it burns but then Liam’s eyes flutter open and Ed realizes just how close they’re sitting that he must’ve leaned in while lost in thought.

Brown meet blue and Ed can tell Liam is searching for something, the answer to a question their both too afraid to ask, and he purposely shutters himself off, not allowing Liam access to his secrets. The younger lad licks his lips and Ed tracks the movement like a cat would a laser point on the wall and he knows what’s coming next, knows he should stop it, that he has to but he doesn’t and Liam moves forward so fast that he barely has time to take a breath before soft lips are on his, just the barest of presses before they’re gone again and Liam is staring at Ed whose eyes are blown wide in shock.

After a few beats Liam smiles and moves in again but his time Ed wises up and turns at the last second so that Liam catches him on the cheek instead.

“Ed?” Liam asks, looking hurt at the rejection but the older man forces himself to ignore it, instead glancing at the fire.

“Shit the bacon!” He cries out jumping up off the log just in time to see that he indeed burned the last three strips.

“Ed…” He tries again, watching Ed stare forlornly down at the ruined meat.

“Fuck me, I burned it, that’s three slices all to waste.”

“Louis and Greg like their bacon a little burnt.” Liam reminds him with a weary sigh.

Ed lights up. “That’s right! Thank god.”

“Ed I—” He starts again but his mouth snaps closed at the sound of a zipper being opened.

“I smell bacon!!!” Louis hollers, rolling out of his and Harry’s tent ninja style, much too loud and energetic for such an early hour, but he successfully draws Liam’s attention away just long enough for Ed to exhale, mentally wiping his forehead.

 _Saved by the Louis_ he thinks as he watches the boy in question climb to his feet with the assistance of a very rumpled and tired looking Harry.

“All I smell is something burning.” Harry says through a yawn while rubbing sleep from his eye.

“Like I said bacon— _burnt_ bacon yum.” Louis sniffs, plopping down on the log beside Liam who was still too tired to bother moving away.

Harry chooses to instead join Ed over by the fire. “Is that all you’ve got for us to eat?”

“Naw there’s plenty of non-burnt bacon as well as beans and just as soon as everyone is awake I’ll be scrambling some eggs to go with.”

“Sounds like a right feast then.” Harry says with a wink.

Louis made a show of licking his lips, clapping his hands together once. “Indeed, you know I’m right hungry after yesterday’s activities, you reckon if I eat enough at breakfast that Greg’ll let me skip drinking that nutritional liquid ass?”

“Think you ought to ask ’im yeah?” Ed mumbles, stirring the pot of beans.

Sucking his teeth Louis kicked at a nearby rock. “Thought you might say as much, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask.”

Ed and Harry nod in sympathy while Liam remains quiet.

“Speaking of, why don’t you go on and wake them up so I can get started on these eggs?”

“Really? You trust _me_ to wake them? Any way I like?”

Still distracted by the beans, Ed shrugged, “Sure.” Completely missing the look of mischief on Louis’ face as he slowly rubbed his hands together like some kind of pint-sized cartoon villain, which was a bit redundant seeing as almost all cartoon villains were pint-sized anyway, most likely suffering from a Napoleon complex or summat.

Without another word he slinked over to the counselor’s tent on tipped toes, once again reminding Harry of a cartoon character as he silently unzipped the flap and without warning flung himself into the tent hollering for them to wake up at the top of his lungs. The action earning him an oh-so-manly shriek from what had to be Nick and a string of curses from Greg, somehow heard over Louis’ obnoxious cackling.

Not a moment later he was shoved out the tent and onto his ass but this did nothing to quell his laughter, if anything he doubled over laughing harder as both Nick and Greg came crawling out after him, hair sticking up in every direction and squint-glaring at him.

“What’s the bloody idea?” Nick growled, cutting himself off with a full body shiver, before wrapping the sleeping bag still draped around his shoulders and back tighter around himself. “Oi it’s nearly Spring why’re the mornings still balls cold out?” He asked no one in particular.

“We’re up in the mountains and surrounded by water mate.” Harry provided helpfully all the same, garnering a look of annoyance from the older boy.

“Piss off very much Styles and shove over Payne.” He gritted through clenched teeth, even though Liam was just on the very edge on the log with plenty of space for Nick, Greg and at least three other people.

He pretended to scoot all the same just as Nick came barreling into his side throwing an arm around Liam’s neck and snuggling into his side in an attempt to steal some of his body heat. Liam let him.

“Really Ed what were you thinking?”

Ed snickered quietly, already cracking eggs into a bowl. “I needed everyone up so I could start on the eggs.”

“Ok but did _Lewis_ need to be the one to wake us?”

“You’re awake aren’t ya? Seems like he was the right man for the job.” Greg made an annoyed sound but decided to drop it and instead stole a slice of burnt bacon and scurried out of reach of Ed’s swatting hand.

“Hey! Don’t try that again dickhead.”

“Consider it payback for Louis.” Greg shot back, sticking his tongue out before grabbing a seat.

Finally having composed himself Louis stood, dusting the dirt from his bum. “I’m still up for waking the others Ed.”

“Great, have at it then.”

Again Louis looked much too excited for someone simply waking a mate as he shuffled over to the final tent but just as he reached for the zip, the tent flap opened seemingly on its own with Niall’s head popping out to yell in _Louis’_ face sending the older boy back on his ass once more.

“Why you dirty…” It was Niall’s turn to fall into a fit of laughter at the look on his friend’s face.

“What you really thought I could sleep through all that, what with Nick’s operatic screeching and your hyena impression…Malik is the one who was still somehow sleep-humming, I swear that boy could sleep through an earthquake.”

“Guess I’ll just have to test that theory then now won’t I?” Louis challenged already standing to do just that but the blonde’s head shake stops him in his tracks.

“Naw, I got ‘im up right before I planned to turn the tables on ya…see?” He said, moving to the side enough for Louis to peer into the tent and see Zayn sitting up rubbing his face and not looking at all happy about being awake.

“Damnit Niall.” Louis whined at having his fun ruined.

The blonde simply shrugged. “Sorry not sorry.”

“Well go on and get out here then, think Sheeran’s just about done with brekkies.”

“You ain’t gotta tell me twice, yeah buddie!!!” Niall hooted, scrambling out of his tent and over to the orange haired lad, already grabbing a plate to be first in line.

Turning back to the tent Louis watched Zayn gathering himself, righting his clothes that had twisted and bunched up during sleep before untangling himself from his sleeping bag already shivering at the loss of heat and crawling for the tent flap.

Louis realized then what an arse he must look like just standing there and was about to turn and flee when Zayn finally looked up catching his eye.

“Hey.” He said for lack of anything better and Zayn grunted in return, moving past him towards the rest of the group where he and Niall as predicted went off for a quick wee.

The minute they returned Ed announced: “Grubs up, we’ve got bacon, beans, and eggs first come, first serve but do be mindful that others need to eat too…I’m looking at you Horan.” Niall didn’t even look the least bit ashamed as he piled his plate with food.

“I call double eggs since I don’t eat bacon.” Zayn grumbled and the others agreed to leave him the biggest portion.

They eat in relative silence the only noise coming from the trees rustling in the slight breeze and birds singing their morning greetings.

XXX

When they’re finished eating and everything’s been cleaned up and packed away Ed coughs for their attention.

“Alright lads we’ve got just three games/activities for you this morning before we head back to school so if all your things are squared away and the tents and things back in their packs then I’d just as well get started.”

“We’re good Ed, go on.” Louis said speaking for the group.

“Nice, so the first game is called if ‘I were a superhero’, now I’ve still got Horan’s cap and have filled it with slips of paper with each of your names on it. The object of this game is to describe the boy you choose from the hat as a superhero using traits and characteristics that he possesses that you feel would make him the ideal hero…only nice things guys remember you’re mates—this is yer chance to let the other boys know just _why_ that is. What do you admire about each other?”

He passes the hat around and one by one the boys pick a slip out and read the name written on it, making a show of hiding it away from each other and keeping poker faces once they know who they’ll be describing.

“Zayn let’s start with you yeah?”

“Erm, alright my guy would be called captain curly he’s charming, quirky and… _sexy,_ you can have sexy.” He chuckles, doing that insanely annoying thing where he folds his tongue up behind his teeth going from a simple ten on the hotness scale to an off the charts twenty.

“Oi that was about as obvious as Trump’s toupee.” Louis whines, crossing his arms.

“Is it me?” Harry asks, dimples out and pinking slightly at being called sexy, but looking absolutely pleased all the same.

“Yup.” Zayn grins back, balling his paper up.

“Great job, since it was you he was describing you go next Haz.”

“Kay, my guy is spontaneous, loud…loud and…” He pretended to think about it, smirking, “loud.”

“Wow I bet whoever he is he’s just flattered by such compliments.” Louis deadpans pointedly glaring in the taller boy’s direction.

“Boys these are meant to be characteristics that a superhero would possess, can you at least _try_ to take this seriously?” Ed pleas, looking pointedly at Harry.

“Alright, alright he’s also funny, loyal and fiercely protective of the things he holds dear. He’s a great person to just sit and kind of admire what he’s like.”

“Now I wonder who _that_ could be.” Niall joked rubbing at his chin, causing Louis to reach out and whap him on the side of his head, looking chuffed.

“It’s me innit?” He says almost shyly and Harry wastes no time in nodding, matching Louis’ smile.

“It is.”

“You’re up Tommo.”

“I got a good’un, this guy is strong, noble…”

“Brave.” Zayn mutters under his breath somehow already knowing who Louis was describing.

“Uh huh brave, perfect and warm.” All eyes immediately land on Liam who sat staring at the ground, chewing his lip as though in another world.

“Liam, what’dja think?” Ed prompts, causing Liam to shake from his thoughts to actually notice everyone’s attention on him.

“Sorry what was the question?” He asks, feigning ignorance.

Louis wasn’t buying it. “Come on Lee who does that sound like to you?” Liam made a show of looking around at the other boys before coming back to Louis and shrugging.

“Could be anyone, couldn’t it?”

“Ok but who in particular?”

“Is it Zayn?”

Lou snorted.

“Liam I can think of more than a few words that would describe Zayn much better, chiefly among them being selfish, lazy, vain and…”

“Lou!” Ed said in warning.

“Oh fine, it’s not Zayn Liam, can’t you think of anyone else here that is a better fit for these traits?”

“I don’t know he’s pretty brave and can be warm at times.”

“If you say so, but come on Liam this person fits these words to a T...honestly it really oughtn’t be this difficult.” Louis scoffed, starting to lose his patience.

“No side chatting, adjectives only Louis!”

“Is it Harry? I really haven’t a clue...” Liam insisted, forehead wrinkled up in frustration, causing Louis to sigh loudly.

“For fucks sake fine let me be more obvious then: protective, kind, a bit naïve at times, overly polite, the human version of a puppy dog...need I go on?”

“M-me?” He stuttered out finally, holding a stunned hand to his chest.

“Yes you.”

“You think I’m strong— _brave_?”

Louis’ expression melted into something entirely different, something soft and completely endeared.

His Liam look.

“Of cos, you're the bravest person I know.” He confessed, shocked to see Liam’s bottom lip start to wobble a bit, the older lad wringing his hands in his lap in an attempt to school his emotions.

Ed gives Liam a minute to compose himself before he asks him to take his turn. Taking a deep breath Liam wraps his arms around his middle and speaking more to the ground than the group he says:

“My person is cute and friendly—he’s happiness personified, literal sunshine and a lot smarter than he lets on…the most carefree person around, he just loves life and ketchup.”

“Liam that might’ve been the best one yet.” Zayn blurts, nodding his approval making Liam blush.

“Yeah mate you got him perfectly.” Louis chimes in. “Drum roll, let’s all say it at once lads yeah?”

After a short drum roll curtesy of Greg and Nick they all say Niall and the blonde stands with his hands up looking smug as he makes a show of bowing for their benefit.

“Thank you, thank you I know I’m the man.”

“Sit down ya git and take yer bloody turn already.” Harry grumbles rolling his eyes at the other boy’s unnecessary antics.

“What’s the point there’s only one of us left.”

Zayn’s head snaps up to shoot the blonde a look of outrage. “And what, I don’t deserve to know what makes me a superhero— _me_ the biggest comic book nerd among us?”

“Oh give it a rest will ya, I’m gettin’ there.” Niall says, reclaiming his seat. “Ok so this oh-so-mysterious person, really I dare you to try and guess who I’m talking about is relaxed, with cheekbones to die for and lashes for days, he’s mad chilled and uh relaxed.”

“Bruh you already said that.”

“Did I?” Niall asks, tilting his head innocently.

Zayn makes an offended noise. “Is that all? I’m relaxed, chilled, and relaxed?”

“I also mentioned yer cheekbones and lashes don’t forget.” Niall points out with a teasing smirk. “But you’re a bit of alright, got this big heart even if you won’t admit it…you can be a right moody twat when you want to be but then we’ve all got our moments haven’t we? You’re quite brilliant, a softy really—a top lad and I’m really glad to know ya.”

“That’s more like it.” Zayn said with a curt nod, trying to play it off as though he were unaffected by Niall’s words despite the way his mouth refused to do anything but smile.

“Well then, that wasn’t too bad was it?” Ed asked the group who all grumble various responses ranging from a simple ‘no’ all the way to ‘could think of a few things I’d rather have been doing but it was alright’. “Now I’m off for a wee, I’ll let Nick explain the next game to you all in the meantime.”

XXX

Nick waited until Ed was out of sight to address the boys, fiddling with the small stack of index cards Ed had handed him just before running off in the direction of the designated bathroom area.

“You’re doing good boys just this last game and then we can get out of here because I don’t know about you all but I could sure go for a shower. So listen up. This one doesn’t seem to have a fancy name but it’s basically a test to see how well you all know each other Ed’s already got 3 questions each set out for you so I’ll hand them out and I guess you just go around asking the lot your prescribed questions and see who gets them right. I’ll keep a tally of who gets the most correct and the boy who knows his mates best in the end will get a prize.”

He hands the boys their questions and picks Niall to start them off.

“Let’s see lads who was my first concert?” Louis made a show of hitting an imaginary buzzer. “Tommo?”

“Who is Busted for 300.” Everyone but Harry who didn’t have the slightest clue agreed and Niall revealed that they were correct. “Coincidentally that was also the venue of your very first kiss.”

“Wey hey we’ve got an overachiever in our midst, that would also be correct that was the day I ended up snogging Holly during sleeping with the light on go on! Give the boy an extra strike Grimmy will ya.”

“I will but just this once, no more extra credit points you heathens.”

“I’ll go next.” Louis says, “how many siblings have I got?”

“That’s a no brainer.” Niall says and all at once the entire group says four. Liam volunteers to go next, though judging by his expression he only did so to get his turn over with.

“Who is my _celebrity_ crush?”

“Is it still Leona Lewis?” Niall asks, scratching his head.

“Naw man it’s Cheryl Cole for sure.” Louis argues, taking on a dreamy look being a big fan of the singer himself.

“Didn’t he once say something about J.Lo’s arse though?” Harry thinks aloud and Nick laughs.

“Who hasn’t?”

“Beyoncé, definitely Beyoncé.” Zayn says, talking above them all.

Niall indiscreetly coughs into his fist. “more like her hubby.”

But Liam just shakes his head, smirking. “You’re all wrong…JT, it’s _always_ been JT.”

They all collectively groan in shame because of course.

“I demand another question on principle!” Louis yelled, getting all up in Liam’s face.

“Well I’ve still got two more, we’ve all got three each so better luck next time.” He says, for once not backing down to Lou’s demands.

“Read one out now.” He hisses, pushing his face within inches of Liam’s.

“It’s not my go.” He reminds him, drawing back only enough to take them out of the accidental kissing zone.

“Liam I said—”

“Go on Liam, they’ll be no shutting him up otherwise.” Nick drawled in annoyance.

“Fine. What’s my favorite food?”

“Pasta?” Niall asked. While Harry and Zayn both blurted out: “Fish and chips” chuckling.

“Nah boys it’s chocolate.” Louis answered calmly and surely as though all was once again right in the world with this one answer.

“Chocolate? That’s not even food.” Harry argued, eyebrows drawn together in thought.

“You eat it don’tcha?”

“Whatever, that’s not _Liam’s_ favorite food either way.”

“Actually…” Liam piped up, looking sheepish as he nodded.

“Seriously?!?!?!?” Niall said looking completely gob smacked.

“I’ll go next.” Harry announced. “This is possibly the easiest one yet...what is my name short for?”

“Nothing.” The other three said easily while Louis stubbornly barked out:

“Harold.” Crossing his arms over his chest and sacrificing the point.

The mixture of disappointment and amusement on Harry’s face more than worth it.

“No point for Louis.”

Lastly it was Zayn’s turn.

“What do I hate most?”

“Dancing.” Harry and Liam say at the same time.

“Louis.” Niall says, immediately snickering at Louis’ unamused face.

“Racism.” Louis whispers surprising everyone with such a serious answer. They’d probably expected him to say something like ‘getting up before noon’ or ‘running out of hair product’ but he genuinely knew the answer it was something the two of them had discussed in length during their brief time as a couple.

“Tomlinson’s right.”

Ed returns and the game continues Louis asking what he favorite band is while Niall asks who his fave footie player is. Harry asks what he wants to be when he grows up while Liam and Zayn both ask the boys if they know their middle names.

It’s down to the final two boys Louis and Niall who both have one question each.

“Go on Niall.”

Niall makes a show of holding his index card out in front of his like a proper game show host. “Final question, what is my prized possession lads?”

“Guitar.” Liam, Zayn and Harry say no contest while Louis grins mischievously and says.

“Yer dick.”

“That’s what’s up.” Niall cackles, pulling Lou in for a complicated handshake that Harry suspects they’ve just made up right there on the spot.

“Oh god please do put us out of our misery and go.” Nick begs, pleading eyes sliding over to Louis.

“Sure I…oh.”

“What is it?” Harry asks, alarmed by the way most of the color has been drained from Louis’ face.

“Erm how old was I when I had my first kiss?”

“Boy or girl eh Tommo?” Niall joked, elbowing him in the side.

“Yeah that’s right you should’ve been more specific with these questions Eddy bear.” Louis chuckles though it’s empty and leagues away from his usual boisterous laugh.

“Just answer the bloody question and move on.” Ed orders, starting to lose his patience.

“I say twelve or so? That’s when I had mine.” Niall boasted confidently. Harry and Liam agree for lack of a better answer, but Zayn hesitates a beat before saying.

“Seventeen, it was Stan, you realized you liked boys more specifically yer best mate and kissed him under the school bleachers.”

“Point goes to Malik.” Louis mutters, cheeks flaming as he avoids Zayn’s intense stare.

“That means we’re done! Thank god we’re free to go home and bathe and hell take a dump if we please!” Nick cheered, doing the cabbage patch in celebration.

“Done? But I thought Ed said there was a third activity for today?” Nick paused in his dancing to shoot Zayn an apologetic look.

“Yes well when I said ‘we’ were free I meant Greg, Ed and myself, soz.”

“How is that possible do you mean to just leave us up here then while you all fuck off back to campus?”

“Not quite.” Ed interrupted with a grin. “You see your last task in trust and team building is to find your way back to school all on your own using this compass and this map.” He explained pulling said items out of his pack.

“And as the winner of the friendship test Lou, you get to decide who is in charge of what.” Ed finished, handing off the items to him.

“Gee I was expecting money, jewelry, or maybe a brand new car but a map and compass…I’m speechless with gratitude.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Stop being a smart arse and choose already.”

“Fine Liam you get the compass and I’ll keep the map for myself.”

“Can you even read a map?” Harry cautioned, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“Sod off.” Louis snarled, turning the map this way and that, face scrunched up as though it were written in another language. “Guess we’ll just have to find out now won’t we?”

XXX

“Ok lads you’ve still got plenty of time before it starts to get dark, but remember time is of the essence still and you don’t want to be stuck out here at night it gets cold and the woods all start looking the same so you could get stuck here until morning if you don’t listen and talk and work together yeah?”

“The path home is marked for you on the map so communication between the compass and map holders is key but the others input is just as important. Provided you are still out here by sunset you’ve all got torches, your packs, canteens of water and each other so no need to panic. I have all the faith in you but good luck all the same.” Ed smiles, clapping Niall who is standing nearest to him on the shoulder.

“God speed lads.” Nick chimes in with a mock salute.

“Hope to see you at dinner boys.” Greg throws over his shoulder as he moves to follow the others.

“Now close your eyes, no peeking and count to twenty so you don’t see which way we go.” Ed instructs waiting until all of them have done so before the three of them set off in the direction of Mount Serenity.

Twenty seconds later they open their eyes to see no sign of the counselors.

“Please tell me one of you snuck a peek.” Louis groans out the side of his mouth.

“Naw reckoned you’d be the one to if any of us did.” The blonde admits, swatting at a mosquito.

“Thought about it but figured it wouldn’t be worth getting caught and having to hear Ed’s whining.” Liam frowned and thought about coming to Ed’s defense—that’s certainly what the old him would’ve done but decided it wasn’t worth the trouble and stayed mute.

“Seriously Lou do you know how to read a map?” Harry asks again.

“I passed Geography II with flying colors thank you.”

“Ok but…”

“Let’s just see what happens I’m sure Lou won’t be map hog and horde the thing from us, he’ll let us all see it yeah Tommo?” Niall reasons slapping at his arm and hooting when he finds the dead bug stuck to the palm of his hand.

“Sure thing Niall, though the look on his face didn’t match his cheerful words.” He goes to work unfolding the map and points to the five red blobs Ed helpfully drew onto the map. “This is where we are now.” He says gesturing to the cluster of trees on the map.

“Which one do ya think is me?” Niall jokes, though he’s the only one who laughs.

“The one with the smallest head to match yer brain. Now focus according to this if we head East we’ll end up back at the ropes course, if we go South we’ll be headed in the way of the infirmary, and West is just more woods so North is our best bet, think we should head North.”

“Can I see that?” Liam says suddenly, speaking for the first time since the game ended.

Louis bristled instantly. “Why I just told you we should go North.” Liam just blinked, unwavering as he reached out for the map.

“I know but I’d like to see for myself please.”

“What don’t you trust me?”

Liam snorts but otherwise stays silent, hand still outstretched but Louis just pulls the map closer to him.

“You don’t do you?” Glancing around their circle Louis narrows his eyes. “Do _any_ of you trust me with the map?” Their silence speaks volumes and Louis just stops himself from ripping the bloody thing up right in front of them but he doesn’t want to be stuck out there all night any more than they do.

“Who do you think should be in the charge of the map then huh—who do you think is better than me?”

“It’s not that Lou, it’s just well a second pair of eyes couldn’t hurt could they?”

“That’s true and if I come to a point I’m not sure of I’ll ask for help but I know what I’m talking about we need to head North.”

“Jesus Christ we haven’t even left the starting point and we’re already having issues.” Zayn sighed sitting heavily on the log.

“Who bloody asked you?” Louis spat, obviously looking to start a fight but Zayn just shook his head, refusing to take the bait.

“Just as well I’ve gotta wee.” Harry announced, heading off towards the ‘bathroom’ area, shaking his head at the awful start they’re having. He realizes that the whole point of the weekend was to work out some of their issues namely the trust no one seemed to have anymore—which they’d apparently completely failed at. In his defense he probably wouldn’t have trusted Lou and Lou alone to read the map _before_ everything went to shit.

XXX

He’s just shaken off and is tucking back in when movement to his left startles him, his heart calming down only slightly when he realizes it’s Niall.

“Alone at last.” The blonde jokes and moves forward as if to kiss him making Harry recoil back.

“Niall what the fuck are you doing?”

Niall pauses looking unsure all of a sudden. “Nothing I just thought things were good between us.”

“What the fuck made you think that?”

With all of his bravado gone, Niall stood back a step. “This weekend we’ve been…better.”

Harry shakes his head at Niall’s audacity. “What you think because we do a few mandated activities together and answer a few pointless trivia questions about one another that all is forgiven…well you’d be wrong. We’re not ‘good’ Niall, you fucking narc’d on me. I confided in you and you went straight to Nick with the information, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust you again.” At this Niall lets out a frustrated growl, tugging at the ends of his hair and it’s so unlike him to show that much emotion that Harry jumps back in surprise.

“Fuck this!” Niall spits, punching at the tree and not even feeling the pain. “If this is what I get for caring you can have it, I’m done! I was better off being an island—an, an iceberg!”

“What are you even talking about?” Harry asks and immediately regrets it as cold blue eyes are turned on him.

“Everyone thinks it’s just Louis who keeps people at a distance and is so exclusive but me and him we’re not much different. He’s just more obvious about not letting someone in, but me I’m friendly and open and people think they know me, that I’ve let them see the real me but it’s not true. All they’re getting is the tip of the iceberg, that’s all I’d allow them to see. But then _you_ fucking came along and I tried so bloody hard to keep you away because I knew—I fucking _knew_ you’d be trouble, but you managed it anyway—crawled right up under my skin and as much as I’ve hated it, I’ve also been coming to like it too…hell I like _you_ Haz…and you’ve no idea how hard this all has been for me to say because the altitude up there on your high horse is probably a real killer but I….”

Harry surges forward cutting him off with a kiss.

“It’s the same for me.” Harry whines against Niall’s lips before pulling away. “All my life I’ve been alone and somewhere along the way I convinced myself that that’s how I liked it but then I come here and I’m taken in immediately by you lot and you’ve become sort of like my family…sort of because we wouldn’t have done half the thing we’ve done if I really saw you as a brother and I knew what you were about and you made it more than clear what you wanted out of this but I still wanted you, I didn’t care that I’d never have _all_ of you and while what you did was so fucking shitty and I’m still _furious_ at you for it, I’m tired of trying to stay away, to resist you—it’s too bloody hard.”

“I only did it because I was scared you might do something crazy after Payno I—I can’t lose any of you lads, I especially couldn’t lose you.”

“Niall I—” Niall shakes his head to silence him.

“Look I know how that sounds and I don’t know if I’m ready to go there just yet—I’m not promising you anything because that’s not my style, but I will admit there’s something here between us and it’s big and important and scary as hell but I’m not running from it, if you’re in I’m in alright?”

“Ok.” Harry agreed, not wanting to say anything more and risk ruining this precious moment where Niall admitted there could be a chance for more, that there was even a semblance of a chance that Harry had successfully knocked down all of Niall’s walls to penetrate his heart. “Think we ought to head back now so we can try and get our arses home before we freeze to death out here all night.”

Niall nodded his agreement. “Yeah alright just one more thing.”

“What?” He started to ask when without warning Niall moved forward, crowding into Harry’s personal space and with a hand to his chest Niall gently pressed him back against the tree.

“This.” He purred right before sucking Harry’s bottom lip between his own.

XXX

“I don’t see why you won’t just let me have a look at the map.” Liam barked, hands on his hips.

“And _I_ don’t see why you can’t just bloody well trust me!” Louis countered, hands flailing about in anger.

“Because Louis, I wouldn’t trust you to look after my pet goldfish overnight.” Liam snapped not pulling any of his punches he was tired, cold and hungry and he couldn’t tell which of them smelled worse but _someone_ had gone pretty ripe after the long weekend in the wilderness.

“You don’t even _have_ a goldfish.” Louis scoffed, not missing Liam’s smug look.

“That’s not the point—or better yet, that’s exactly the point I wouldn’t let you look after my _imaginary_ goldfish that’s how much I trust you not to fuck up…which is not at all! You’re a joke Louis, you’re irresponsible and you don’t take anything seriously so no I don’t trust you, not even a little bit. Now hand over the fucking map.”

Louis’ eyes which had widened impossibly, cheeks puffing out in outrage. “No, you can just go fuck yourself instead!”

“Louis.” Liam warns, voice eerily calm compared to Louis’ hysterical screeching.

Zayn tries his best to tune them out, pulling out the cheap bic lighter that Niall forgot to collect from him that morning without thinking. He’s quite proud of himself actually that he’s had it in his possession for several hours now and hasn’t been tempted to set anything on fire.

The urge has been there of course, lying just under his skin to maybe set a few leaves or a pinecone on fire watch it burn, breathe in the heavy smell of smoke and burnt earth but he’d managed to resist, but now sitting to the side while Liam and Louis bickered, feeling like the child of a couple on the verge of divorce he can’t help but flick the lighter on, wiggling his fingers first above it, get his skin used to the sting before he slowly works his way lower and lower until his fingers are literally dancing in and out of the flame.

“You can look at this map Liam Payne after you pry it out of my cold lifeless han—what the bloody fuck are you doing Zayn!” Louis yelped, cutting himself off to move forward and snatch the lighter from him with one hand, while the other one brought Zayn’s hand up to his face twisting it this way and that, examining it for signs of injury without even meaning to.

Finally shoving it into Zayn’s chest when he sees Zayn’s fine. “Where the fuck did you get this?” He asks, shaking the lime green lighter in Zayn’s face.

“Doesn’t matter.”

Throwing his hands up Louis nodded. “You’re right a recovering pyromaniac has a lighter, nothing to see here folks are you mad or just stupid? I have a good mind to report you to Cowell.”

“Go the fuck ahead, wouldn’t be the worst thing you’ve ever done to me.” Mindful of Liam standing just a few feet away from them Louis moves in closer to hiss “what could I possibly have done that’s worse than a possible expulsion?”

“How about breaking my fucking heart.” Zayn hisses back.

Louis snorts. “Oh I’m sure, you weren’t crying for too long before you moved on eh? Must be jealous of Niall being off so long with Styles.”

Zayn blinked slowly at him before letting out a humorless laugh. “What? Are you serious you think me and _Niall_ are…wow now who’s the stupid one?”

“If you weren’t hooking up all weekend what were you bloody doing sneaking off into the woods to ‘wee’.”

“Weeing.” Zayn said, shaking his head at Louis’ absurdity.

“Bullshit.”

“Fine, smoking. Niall knew I wouldn’t make it the whole weekend without cigarettes so he snuck a pack up with him, that’s where I got the lighter from, he forgot to take it back this morning you happy you bloody psycho.”

Louis opened his mouth to argue further only that sort made sense, it explained why Zayn smelled so heavily of smoke whenever he was close enough especially when they’d hugged during the ropes course, but he couldn’t just drop the subject he still needed to know one thing.

“Not quite why did you help me during the ropes course? I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure it out—we hate each other, first and foremost and I’ve been an absolute prat to you the past couple of weeks so why not watch me suffer with glee?”

"Because unlike you I meant everything I’ve told you in the last few weeks...I can't just turn my feelings off just because you don’t feel the same or go back to treating me like shit that's not how love works Lou...but I guess you wouldn't know a thing about that now would you?"

“Oh that’s rich, don’t try to turn this on me like I’m the one in the wrong.”

“Aren’t you? I don’t even know why we’re fighting, things were going so great and then like that.” He snaps his fingers. “we’re back to square one.” Louis’ is struck speechless by the genuine hurt in Zayn’s tone, the confusion on his face and sure it makes sense because he isn’t even aware that Louis knows he’s still hooking up with Perrie but the hurt, that’s new and unexpected.

Liam clears his throat, tearing Louis’ attention from Zayn. “Are you going to let me see the map or not?”

“Not.” He says simply.

Liam’s upper lip curls and his eyes seem to literally catch fire, Louis who’s never seen Liam angry before let alone _this_ mad draws back a little in fear. “Fine! Me and the compass will find our own bloody way home then.” He snarled, stomping away in what Louis can only assume is North.

XXX

Niall and Harry return just in time to watch Liam throw his hands up and walk off looking 10 shades of pissed.

“Great Tomlinson, you just scared off the only chance we had at getting home before sunset, what is your problem—just let us see the fucking map.” Zayn spat, looking just about as fed up with Lou’s stubbornness as the rest of them.

“It’s my map, I won it fair and square and I’ve already told you where we need to go why don’t you trust me?”

Harry stepped forward, deciding to try his hand at reasoning with him. “Lou maps can be confusing, none of us are saying you can’t read it or that you’re even wrong we just want to double check so that we don’t end up wandering aimlessly all night that’s all.”

“Well why didn’t Liam say so, I’ll tell you why it’s because _he_ doesn’t trust me, you can’t speak for him Haz. He doesn’t trust me and that really hurts.” Harry makes a soft noise and moves to collect the older boy in a hug but before he can do so Liam comes stomping back towards them shoulders set, with a determined look on his face.

He moves right passed Niall and Harry, doesn’t even spare Zayn a glance where he still sat straddling the log just keeps going and barely misses barreling into Louis before he finally halts and instead shoves him, not very hard but because Louis hadn’t been expecting it, it sends him right on his arse with a loud ‘oof’.

Alarmed Niall moves forward to ask Liam what’s wrong and Liam shoves him too for his efforts, then Harry and finally Zayn. He’s breathing heavy by the time he’s through, his face flushed and there are unshed tears in his eyes when he steps away, putting some distance between them and himself.

And that’s when he finally breaks.

"Do you guys even know why I cut?" He asks suddenly, catching them off guard. They shake their heads and Liam has to look away to gather his strength to open up to them finally, to be completely honest.

"I do it because it's the only time I feel like I’m in control. Since coming here everything I do right down to when I take a shit is scheduled and monitored, I can't even control this bloody heart of mine can't get myself to stop being in love with—even though I know it's completely hopeless I can't stop. Hell I'm not even in control of my thoughts most of the time—you all think I’m just good ol' Liam always happy, always up for a laugh not knowing the dark and toxic things that are going on in here.” He pauses to tap his temple, eyes looking a bit wild as they dart between them, begging them to _get_ him, to understand.

“My brother Andy, he haunts me. Just when I think I’m moving on and getting on with my life he'll turn up and remind me that I’m nothing more than a murderer, that it should've been me who died instead…I mean he was the star athlete destined to go to Uni and possibly turn pro but me I’m just the fuck up, the weakling so I cut because it's my _choice_ , because that pain I feel is my choice, the rush it gives me is all my doing. When I met you all and we bonded right from the start forming genuine friendships that was the first time I felt like maybe I didn't need to cut because I had you guys to look after and just be there for you as a mate—for the first time I was doing something right by watching out for you all and then Zayn." His voice cracks and he has to stop, staring at the ground to compose himself, tears forming at the corners of his eyes threatening to fall.

"I had one fucking job and that was to look after you Zayn, I was your partner and when I failed at that it was like Andy all over again. I was supposed to protect you and I didn't do it and you almost died, because of me!" Sucking in a shuddery breath, Liam shook his head as if he could physically shake the images from his brain.

"To be honest I don't know why I’m so angry at you all for not noticing, I mean at first I was glad, I got to cut again, feeling that calming sensation that only a razor can provide me but after a while it just started to eat at me that here I was punishing myself for letting my mate down and yet not one of you noticed that _I_ was in need of help— _not one!_ So I started getting more reckless about my cutting, wanting to be caught but none of you noticed, no one was there to help _me_.” Louis’ the first one to his side, engulfing Liam in a hug, rubbing the older boy’s back at violent sobs that wracked Liam’s entire body overtook him.

“Liam, babe you have to know that we didn’t mean to ignore you, if we’d known—really known we’d have been there. The thing is we’re so used to you being the strong one—Mr. perfect which I know isn’t fair to put that kind of pressure on you but it’s just who you are to us so it _never_ occurred to us that you’d need _us_ you’re the pillar of strength we usually draw from—our own person Superman.”

Coming up behind Liam, Niall went up on his tip toes to drape himself onto Liam hugging him from the back so his arms overlapped Louis’ who still clung to the other boy for dear life.

“He’s right Lee.” The blonde mumbles into the skin of Liam’s neck. “Haz was the only one of us who even suspected that something might be wrong, but we just laughed him off thinking we knew you longer so we knew better…boy were we wrong. And for that I’m sorry but please, _please_ don’t ever think that we don’t care you mean so much to us all—we love you.”

It was Zayn’s turn for a hug, elbowing Lou to the side and all but flinging himself at Liam. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you Liam you’re my brother and usually I’d threaten to knock the snot out of anyone who dare hurt you but what do I do when it’s me, when _I’m_ the one to blame? I don’t blame you for what happened at the lake, I never did it was an unfortunate accident and look I’m alright yeah? So no worries.”

“Liam.” Harry cautions, waiting until Liam looks up from where he’d been pressing his nose into Zayn’s shoulder. “I know I haven’t known you for as long as these guys but that doesn’t mean that I care about you any less, you’ve come to be such an important part of my life and to think that you felt you needed to hurt yourself to get through the bullshit hurts _me_ and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to be your outlet but I’m here now…I want to be here now—we all do if you’ll just let us be. Listen to _our_ voices instead because whatever you’re hearing up there, that’s not Andy from the stories you’ve told me your brother loved the mess out of you, and I may not know him but I do know he’d never want you to hurt yourself on account of him, to keep blaming yourself. He’s gone but you’re still here mate so _be_ here.”

A heavy silence falls as they all stand there in one massive hug, a tangle of sniveling man-boys until Liam finally lifts his head from where it’s buried in Harry’s curls and, taking in a shaky breath.

“You guys I—thank you. I know we’ve all been through a lot this last month but that’s all I wanted was to know you cared, that this friendship wasn’t one sided you know? I know it’s partly my fault because I’ve gotten rather good at hiding my pain and keeping everything bottled up behind an impeccable mask so how _could_ you have known but I guess I expected you to have some kind of sixth sense or something like we all have it for each other or something—it’s stupid.”

“No that sort of makes sense like we’re so close and know each other so well, or well we’re supposed to have, that we’d have developed this creepy ability that alerts us when something’s amiss and I think we did to an extent we were aware that something was wrong with someone but we didn’t know it was you, like we’ve all had our own shit going on that it was hard to pinpoint who needed help most? Because we’re all so fucked up.”

“Well look at you Horan being all insightful and shit.” Louis teased good-naturedly.

“Payno did point out that I’m smarter than I look didn’t he?”

“Look as touching as this is, it’s already getting colder, do you think we could move this love fest to the dorms because I’d kill for a nice long shower and then hot chocolate my treat while we watch a movie in the lounge.”

“I’m with Zee, my stomach’s already started growling in anticipation of dinner.” Niall said, rubbing at his belly with a frown.

“Right, guess you’ll want to have a look at the map then Payne?” Lois said, pulling the folded up map from his back pocket.

“That’s alright, I trust you Lou.” Liam said and the other boy was pleased to find that he meant it.

“I know…but could you double check for me anyway?”

With a nod and a grin Liam agrees and confirms that they should indeed be headed North.

XXX

Without further incident they finally do what Ed and everyone has been trying to get them to do since day one, communicate, working together to find their way home. The sun is just setting by the time they catch sight of the school’s main gates each letting out a hearty whoop of victory, laughing and hugging as they run the rest of the way, surprised to find their three counselor’s lounging on the main green still dressed in their hiking gear.

“Nick what happened to that shower that was ‘calling your name’?”

“I’ve got it on hold, had more pressing matters to attend to.”

“Like what?” Zayn scoffed because as gross as he was feeling there was nothing that was going to get in the way of him and a shower.

“Like making sure you lot actually made it back before night fall and didn’t become some wolf’s dinner or summat.”

“What do you mean?” Liam asked at the same time Louis made an indignant noise. “There are no wolves in these woods.”

“You really think we’d just abandon yer arses in the middle of the woods? And have Simon wring our necks no thanks. We’ve been tracking you the whole time…watched you guys finally talk through your shit and work together like a proper team to get here and we couldn’t be prouder.”

Harry and Niall share a look wondering just how closely they’d been monitored, what all had they seen.

“So we passed the final task then yeah? We win.” Niall hooted, nearly bouncing in place in excitement.

Ed nodded. “That’s right and your prize is free showers for all and they’re serving tacos tonight in the mess so double yay.”

“You guys are dicks.” Zayn blurted out suddenly, tartly.

The ginger shrugged, unaffected by the other boy’s tone. “Got you guys talking again didn’t we?”

“Still dicks though.”

“Eh I think we can live with that, now why don’t you all go get cleaned up for supper.”

None of them have to be told twice as they basically sprint to their dorms much to Ed’s amusement all except for Liam who lingered behind, shyly toeing at the ground waiting for Ed’s attention. The older boy sighed and told Nick and Greg that he’d meet them at the dorms in a minute before plastering on a beaming grin as he approached him.

“Liam, I’m especially proud of you, for finally opening up to them, I know it was weighing you down even if you wouldn’t admit it.”

“Thanks, and I do feel ten times lighter without the burden of trying to stay mad at my best mates hanging over me, it felt like there was literally a dreary storm cloud hanging over me, pouring rain down and following me wherever I went to make sure that I was miserable at all times and now it’s gone—I’ve got my boys back.”

“I’m really glad Lee, a smile looks lovely on you.” He finished with a wink, which was definitely the wrong thing to do as he watched Liam square his shoulder, finally looking him in the eye.

“Ed about this morning…”

Ed quickly coughed into his hand, glancing around them to make sure no one was around to hear this conversation. “It never happened Liam—it, it can’t ever happen you know that right?”

“Yeah but I—”

“Please don’t.” Ed whimpered, like he physical would not survive this conversation and Liam had no choice but to relent with a sigh.

“Alright, think I ought to go grab that shower now.”

Relieved, Ed nodded. “Me too, I’ll see you at dinner.”

XXX

Louis is still drying his hair from his shower, finally feeling human again when he happens to glance out his window just in time to see Zayn headed for the woods and can’t help the growl from the back of his throat.

“You’ve got to be fookin’ kidding me.” He says out loud because they haven’t been back half an hour and Zayn’s already sneaking off to meet Perrie and after he made Louis feel so guilty earlier as if what they had actually meant anything more than bumping uglies, he’d almost had Louis convinced that he was more than just a means for Zayn to get off but if that were true he wouldn’t still need or hell _want_ to mess around with anyone else.

“Alright Lou?” Niall asked, from his side of the room where he was fiddling with his guitar.

“Erm yeah I just need to uh get some air.”

Niall laughed as though Louis had just told the funniest joke he’s ever heard. “What didn’t get enough this weekend?”

“I did but the air’s different down here, less pressure on the lungs?”

With one last snort Niall shook his head as if to say ‘classic Tommo’ and left it at that. “If you say so, meet you in twenty though for dinner?”

“Of cos.” He promised grabbing an oversized Adidas jumper from the back of his chair he slipped his sockless feet into his trainers a determined look on his face as he set off in the direction of the big boulder meaning to catch that slimy no good cheat in the act.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so as you all know I’ve never been the best smut writer and given how rusty I am now my pitiful attempts in this chapter might be a bit disappointing and for that I apologize hopefully I will get better for the future chapters...other than that enjoy :)

Hurrying down the stairs, Louis freezes halfway across the dorm’s lawn, bending over to pretend to tie his shoe as a group of lads pass him on their way to the mess hall, carrying on towards the woods once the coast is clear.

Moving on light feet he creeps up on the unsuspecting couple, ready to jump out with finger guns shooting and pointed accusatorily at both of them but his plans are ruined by Zayn’s voice, sounding choked up as if he were crying. Curiously Louis peeks around the tree he’s hidden behind to see the other boy with his back against the boulder, wiping furiously at his eyes as Perrie coos by his side with an arm thrown around his neck to bring their heads close.

“Sometimes I really wish life came with a ‘break in case of emergency’ rewind button so I could go back to before anything changed you know? It was a whole lot easier to take his shit when I was giving it right back—before I knew what it felt like to be held, kissed and _loved_.”

Perrie tisks sympathetically. “You don’t mean it.”

“I do, I fucking do mean it!” Zayn insists, giving her the stank eye when all she does is raise her eyebrows as if to say ‘sure you do’, though he was only able to hold that expression a mere few seconds before sighing loudly, shoulders drooping. “I don’t really, not even a little.” He admits head hung in defeat.

Louis just manages to fight the gasp that wants to leave his mouth, not sure if he’s more hurt that Zayn wished to turn back time to prevent them from ever happening or be shocked at how freely Zayn was talking about them with Perrie—that against Louis’ wishes he’d told her about their brief but very much _secret_ relationship.

But most of all it was how _cool_ she seemed to be about it all, that was really freaking him out.

“What the bloody hell is going on!” He snarls, coming out from behind the tree, startling the pair.

Zayn actually raised a hand to his chest as if that would stop his heart from beating double time. “Shit, Tomlinson you just scared about five years off my life ya knob, what’re you doing here?”

Shaking his head, Louis narrowed his eyes in their direction. “I’m asking the questions, what is going on?”

“Nothing’s going on.” Zayn said much too quickly.

“Uh huh and the devil enjoys skiing, pull the other one Zayn the jig is up.”

“The devil…the jig…what’re you even talking about.”

“Well first of all you _told_ her?” He hisses, looking a mixture of pissed and hurt, heavy on the hurt.

“Secondly I’ve known that this.” He waggles a finger between the two of them. “Has still been going on for quite some time now, you’re not as stealth with sneaking around as you think Malik, it’s funny that you almost had me over the weekend with your kicked puppy act, claiming that I broke your heart…wouldn’t you need to possess a heart first?” Louis doesn’t miss the way the other boy flinches at his words, just chooses to ignore it.

“When all the while you were slagging around with Miss Priss here.” He spat flicking his eyes over to Perrie for the briefest of seconds.

Perrie’s nostril’s flare and she opens her mouth to tell Louis where he can go but Zayn beat her to it.

“Are you for real? Louis, Perrie and I aren’t…we _haven’t_ been in a long while.”

“Oh sure you’ve just snuck out here to marvel at the lovely foliage?”

“Don’t be a prat.”

“And why not, why shouldn’t I give you shit for cheating me?”

“ _I’m_ the one he’s been cheating on if you wanna get technical.” Perrie murmurs out the side of her mouth but goes completely ignored by both boys.

“I did it for you!” Zayn growls, throwing his hands up.

“What?” Louis says taken aback, but quickly shakes off his surprise and instead his anger is renewed. “Lemme get this straight, you’ve been hooking up with Perrie behind my back…for _my_ benefit?”

Zayn nods. “You’re the one who insisted we keep things on the down low, so I had to keep up appearances didn’t I? Couldn’t just stop messing around with Perrie out of nowhere could I? Not only would she have grown suspicious but like you said we’ve been pretty rubbish at sneaking off so everyone would’ve started talking.”

“People break up all the time Zayn, they would’ve just thought you broke up…which you _should_ have.”

“I didn’t want to hurt her Lou, she’s a sweet girl and we’re genuine mates.”

“Sure, sure so instead you should continue to snog her with the mouth you—” Perrie coughed loudly to cut him off, knowing exactly where he was going with that train of thought.

He actually managed to look sheepish, biting his lip. Especially since it wasn’t even true, the two of them hadn’t gotten that far just yet.

“At first yeah.”

“And now?” Louis asks, still not ready to let his guard down.

“What?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “You said at first you kept sneaking around to keep up appearances, so why do you do it now?”

“Oh, uh we mostly talk about you. I complain about how much of an ass you’re being and how I haven’t a clue what I did to deserve it.”

“This is why.” Louis all but screamed, gesturing to where the two of them were still wrapped around one another. “I saw you that night, we were finally in a good place or at least I thought we were and then I saw you slinking off to the woods to do this not even a day after telling me that you, that you lo—” Louis can’t bring himself to say it, his throat threatening to close up on him for even trying.

“Are you serious, you’ve been treating me like shit because you saw me sneak off to the woods?” Zayn asks incredulously unable to believe all of this could’ve stemmed from a wildly inaccurate presumption and more importantly wondering why Louis didn’t just confront him about it from the start.

Then not a second later he physically slaps himself on the forehead because this was Louis, of course he’s jump to conclusions first and ask questions later. “Oh god it all makes sense now…do you know that’s the night I told her about us or well she sorta figured it out on her own, I just confirmed her suspicions.”

Louis drags his eyes away from Zayn to stare wide-eyed at Perrie in shock. “You knew? And you were alright with it?”

Perrie shrugged, managing a little giggle despite the situation. “Oh yeah, it was actually sort of a relief because like Zee said we’re mates and I didn’t want to hurt him.”

“Hurt _him?”_ Louis squeaked out, feeling smaller and smaller by the minute.

“By breaking up with him…on account of Jade.” She offered flippantly as I he should already know this; it was that obvious.

Louis’ jaw dropped for a second time.

“Jade? Thirlwall?”

“Yeah.”

“The two of you are…”

“Yep.” She said popping the ‘p’ with a smirk.

“Wow, good for you.” He finally said, because he’d always envied their friendship and how they’d practically do anything for one another sort of how he’d ben with is boys before everything went pear shaped, so he could only imagine how wonderful being with you best friend, loving them in every way possible must feel.

“Yes yes it’s all very sweet and if they could they’d make beautiful babies.” Zayn rushed out, moving away from Perrie to take a few steps towards Louis. “Louis why didn’t you just confront me about it, call me a cheating bastard or something, instead of being so passive aggressive and calling things quit. I could’ve told you all this sooner, would’ve saved me a lot of heartache to be honest.”

Louis makes a pathetic sound, tugging at his hair. “Because I’m daft and childish and will never be known for me rational thinking, ‘sides I was _hurt._ ”

Perrie clears her throat suddenly, shifting uneasily on her feet. “Hey, I think I’m going to head to dinner give you two some privacy.”

“Thanks babe.” Zayn breathes out in relief, while Louis does some nervous shifting of his own with a little hand wringing thrown in.

“Perrie I…” He starts but she cuts him off with a wave of her hand.

“Apologize to me later Tommo—maybe in the form of baked goods?” She suggests with a wink.

Louis shakes his head grinning because she really was a bit of alright after all. “Ta love.”

Zayn waits until Perrie is out of sight to move even closer, standing just a few feet away now. “Look Lou I care about you a lot; I always have but I don’t think I can do this if we’re sneaking around, not only is it not as fun as we thought it would be, but it made me feel sort of awful like maybe you were ashamed of me or summat?”

Louis lets out a small gasp. “No, Zayn never that. I’ll admit it was sort of exciting for me the sneaking around, the rush we’d get at the thought of someone catching on but more than that I liked having you for myself not having to answer prying questions about us—we had something that was just ours but I’m through with all that, I’ll shout it from the roof tops if you like—if you wanna give us another go that is, but I was never ashamed of you.” He pauses to shrug, looking just as helpless as Zayn felt. “You’re pretty fucking great Zayn even when I hated you, it was hard to keep finding reasons to.”

“Lou you…fuck you can’t say shit like that because I’m already so fucking gone for you, it’s not fair when you say sweet things like that because it makes things between us harder.”

“Is there an us?”

“You tell me, you’re the one who broke things off.”

“Exactly so it’s up to you whether you forgive me for being an utter knob and take me back or not.”

“You really think I have a choice Lou? If so you’re an even bigger knob than I thought.”

Right, so I really I hope that was a long winded way of saying yes because I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Please.” The word is barely out his mouth before Louis is smashing their mouths together almost painful in his eagerness, but quickly composes himself, moving his lips slowly really enjoying that lovely tingling sensation that he only ever got when kissing Zayn, his whole body buzzing and going numb simultaneously every time their lips brush one another.

Louis moaned, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s neck to bring him down closer, deepening the kiss, tilting his head and licking at the seam of Zayn’s mouth begging for entrance. “Lou.” Zayn groaned with a playful nip to his bottom lip while Louis whimpered _sorry_ and _missed you_ against Zayn’s lips, allowing the taller boy to turn them and gently guide Louis back until he was pressed against the boulder, still licking slowly into his mouth, kissing the other boy like he was on a mission.

“We-we’re going to be really late for dinner.” Louis gasped, as one of Zayn’s hands found its way to the waistband of his joggers.

“Fuck dinner.” Zayn growled reaching in to give Louis’ hardening dick a quick squeeze.

“Yeah, your right fuck it, only there’ll deffo be.” Louis cut himself off with a moan as Zayn’s hand circled around him, starting to stroke just slow enough to drive him mad. “Talk if we arrive late together and—oh god—looking fucked out.”

“I won’t.” Zayn says confidently concentrating on his task, smirking at how wrecked Louis already looked. “But _you_ will.” He promised, flicking the head of Louis’ dick with the pad of his thumb making the smaller boy shudder, his mouth going beautifully slack.

It’s just that Zayn’s touch feels so good, he’s always loved Zayn’s hands how they weren’t quite soft from years of playing with fire but they weren’t completely rough either which felt oddly amazing around his cock. Zayn’s barely done anything and Louis is embarrassed to find that he’s already ready to blow his load, thanks in part to missing Zayn and how happy he is to have him back and also for the fact that he hasn’t so much as thought about wanking since the last time they were together he not even to sneak a wank when Niall was out the room or while in the shower—nothing, so his body was near starved for release at this point.

“Zayn I—I’m gonna cum.” He warns, panting his words in time with Zayn’s stroke.

“Yeah? Good wanna see, fuck Lou I wanna see you come apart so bad babe, watch you go red and hot as you fall apart for me, so pretty yeah? Always so pretty—my pretty.”

“Fuck!” Louis cried out and promptly came with Zayn’s name on his lips.

Pulling his hand out from Louis’ trackies Zayn waited until Louis opened his eyes to bring that same hand up to his mouth and slowly slicked a strip from wrist to the tip of his middle finger and grinned at the cloudy look in Lou’s eyes. “Don’t want to ruin my appetite but I just couldn’t resist.” Zayn jokes with a chuckle.

“Did you just…fuck come here.” Louis snarled gripping the front of Zayn’s shirt to drag him into yet another kiss this one slow and languid as the smaller boy seemed to take his time chasing the taste of himself from Zayn’s mouth making the other boy moan. Encouraged Louis trailed a hand down Zayn’s abs to rest at his fly, giving the bulge there a healthy squeeze.

“Your turn.” He purrs but before he can get the button open Zayn brought a hand up to stop him.

“Damn I wish we could but we really got to go before they send someone looking for us.”

“Right.” Louis whispered disappointedly. Zayn brought a finger to his chin to lift his head back up and meet his gorgeous blue eyes.

“Hey I didn’t say no, I said not now yeah?”

“I know, I just…”

“Me too babe, like I don’t know how I’m even going to get my dick to soften with the image of you cumming all pretty like in my head—you’re so beautiful when you cum for me.”

“Zaaaaayn, don’t.” Louis whined grabbing his own dick which unbelievably was already starting to stir once again.

“Rain check?”

“You damn right, now let’s go, the sooner we eat the sooner I can get you alone somewhere and finished what you started!”

“After you.” Zayn said, mock bowing and gesturing for Louis to lead the way.

Louis rolled his eyes, but his grin belied his annoyance as he moved towards the mess hall, Zayn right on his heels.

Enjoying the view.

XXX

A few minutes later they enter the cafeteria and as predicted all eyes turn to them most curious, others grinning at the chance to see them get scolded but a majority quickly resume whatever they were doing, minding their business.

It was the boys, already sat at their table who looked most confused and even a bit worried as they both got their food before making their way over, but as they approached the table Zayn silently broke away headed towards his other friends and their lunch table which was par for the course, what wasn’t so typical was Louis calling out after him, making him freeze.

“Yeah?” Zayn asked, turning only his head.

“Why don’t you come join us?”

“You sure?” He asked, still hesitant. Louis simply nodded and with an apologetic smile to his other mates Zayn whirled on his heel and surprisingly chose to sit beside Louis rather than his usual spot by Niall.

Without a word they resume eating, picking their conversation right back up, business as usual until Louis shocks them yet again by making a show of grabbing Zayn’s hand and setting their clasped hands on the table for all to see before awkwardly trying to bring his taco (which was barely more than a shell filled with veggies and a sprinkle of cheese) up to his mouth left handed.

The other three’s eyes all widen ridiculously but they remain otherwise silent the only sound the scraping of cutlery on plates until Louis finally rolls his eyes.

“Oh bloody hell.” He grumbles under his breath and after checking to make sure no staff was looking their way he leans over to quickly peck Zayn on the lips, catching even the other boy off guard causing him to go shy, the tips of his ears beginning to pink. Liam gasps while Niall tries to start a dramatic slow clap, which fails because those things never actually work with just one person.

Harry kicks Louis under the table making the older boy cry out in pain, glaring across the table until he notices Harry’s dimpled grin.

“Glad the two of you worked things out then.”

Slowly narrowing his eyes, the pain in his shin forgotten as Louis leans forward ever so slightly.

“Why don’t you look as surprised as them?” He asks, thumbing at the other two.

“Because you already told me all about you and Zayn’s secret affair and the rest.”

“I did no such thing.” Louis squawked before relenting. “When?”

“When we shared a tent, right before you fell asleep, in your defense thought you were dead tired and probably didn’t mean to tell me.”

“Oh.”

“It’s about time if ya ask me.” He finished with a wink.

“So how long exactly has this been going on then…this secret love affair?” Liam asks, poking at the rice and beans still on his plate with his fork.

“Ugh, a couple of weeks?” Louis shrugs looking to Zayn for confirmation.

“Right a little after the canoe incident.” Liam sucked in an involuntary breath and wondered when he would stop having such an intense reaction to that event.

Zayn was quick to jump in and reassure him.

“Lee, it had nothing to do with the accident though, if anything it was brought on because of what Lou was doing with Max…couldn’t stand to see him degrading himself like he was for that ponce so we got into it when I crushed his laxatives and well one thing led to another and the next thing I know this one’s got his tongue down my throat.”

Louis made an indignant noise in the back of his throat reaching over with his free hand to grab for Zayn’s nipple. “Oi! That is not how it—I believe it was _you_ who made the moves on me!”

“I don’t think I agree.” Zayn said tilting his head and batting his eyes innocently at him.

“Well that’s too damn bad isn’t it?” The older boy sniffed.

Zayn shook his head amused.

“Whatever there was snogging, lots and lots of snogging.”

“And groping!”

“Hmm yes.” He agrees, looking a bit dreamy as he remembers.

“And well it just kept happening no matter how hard we tried to fight it.”

“Erm I didn’t really try all that hard if I’m being honest.” The darker boy admits not the least bit embarrassed and is rewarded with an equally as chuffed smile from Louis.

“Neither did I.”

“Awwww!”

“Piss off Styles.” Louis mumbles annoyed, but the smile he shoots Zayn, squeezing his hand gently told a different story.

“Barf, think I preferred it when they wanted to kill each other.” Niall fake gags, pushing his mostly empty plate away in disgust.

“And you can go get bent Horan!” Louis says overly sweetly making the blonde snigger before turning back to Liam.

“We only kept it a secret while we figured everything out ya know, wanted to make sure it was on and not just a spot of fun or a temporary fix before we told you lot.”

Liam nods along, “Well you deffo had me fooled thought you might actually come to blows a few times this weekend…but then there was that hug…”

“Oh we actually weren’t together this weekend, thanks to miscommunication I ended things for a couple of weeks but we’ve talked it all out now and are right solid I think.”

“Because this bell end thought I was cheating on ‘im with Perrie when I was really using her as my own personal Dr. Phil asking her what I did wrong.”

“Babe…” Louis cooed, pressing his nose to the other boy’s temple as a weird sort of apology.

This time it was all three of them making fake gagging noises at the display so Louis threw diced tomato at them while Zayn laughed at his side sitting practically in his lap.

XXX

Louis hangs back after dinner and quickly gestures for Harry to do the same, watching the other three head for the dorms before opening his mouth.

“Hey so since you’re such a big supporter of me and Zayn how about you do me a favor?”

“Uh…it depends?”

“Well, I was hoping you’d let us have your room for a bit before lights out.”

Something flashes in his green eyes but is gone in a blink. “Oh is that all?” He says with an eyebrow wiggle, not at all concerned with the consequences should they get caught and with his first weekend pass coming up Louis sort of expected him to put up more of a fight.

What Louis doesn’t know is that Harry isn’t thinking about him and Zayn or what all they could get up to in the hour or so before lights out, but what him and Niall could be doing with a room all to themselves.

“Is that a yes or no?” Harry pretended to think about it, then a thought suddenly occurred to him that had him frowning.

“Wait does that mean that all those times before when Zayn asked for the room to himself to have a ‘wank’ he was really sneaking you into our room so that you could…gross I hope you didn’t get any stray fluids on anything of mine!”

“Oh sod off we didn’t do anything like that.”

“Sure you didn’t, you can tell me anything and I’ll believe it.” Harry drawled with a roll of his eyes.

“No really we just talked and cuddled most of the time. I really like him Haz…I didn’t even feel the need to get him naked the second we were alone and throw myself at him to get him to like me because get this he already _does_ which is a first for me. I’m sort of a slag if you haven’t noticed.”

“You’re not, you’re just overly friendly.”

“So a slag, got it Haz. So what do you say? Think you can find something to entertain yourself for about an hour?”

Harry thought again about Niall back in Louis’ room and how that would leave them with a room all to themselves to do whatever they pleased uninterrupted and grinned before quickly schooling his face into a put upon look.

Heaving a heavy sigh. “I suppose I could go bug Liam or see what’s going on in the rec building.”

“I think they’re showing Kick Ass 2 on the projector.” Louis offered, a bit desperately.

. “Oh yeah?” Harry asks feigning interest. “Sweet I love that film!”

XXX

Niall’s just gotten comfortable on his bed, figuring he’d settle in to watch a few episodes of Friends on Louis’ Netflix before bed since Zayn and Liam were being boring twats by heading back to theirs, when there’s a knock at the door.

“Don’t tell me you lost yer key again Lou!” He yelled at the door, glaring at the poor thing as if it were to blame because he really didn’t want to get up and usually they don’t even lock the door unless they’re both in the room but he must’ve accidently turned the lock without thinking and was deffo regretting it now.

“It’s not Lou.” Came Harry’s muffled voice through the thick wood which was such an unexpected but pleasant surprise that Niall was up on his feet before he knew it.

“You’re lucky yer cute I was comfy.” Is what he says once the door is opened in lieu of greeting.

“Oh well, I could always go find someone else to suck off then...” Harry says, with a casual shrug and moved to walk away but the door widens further and Niall ducks out just far enough to grab the sleeve of Harry’s jumper.

“Wait what, no NO! The fuck you can’t just say shit like that walk off, god get _in_ here!” Harry can’t help but giggle as he’s tugged through the door and quickly pressed back against it. “Now what’s this about you sucking me off?”

Harry shrugged again, the perfect picture of nonchalant. “It’s just with Lou and Zayn down in my room doing god knows what, I figured that left this room for us to do much of the same in.”

“Hmm, I like the way you think.” Niall murmured, eyes already drawn to the other boy’s lips, as he brought one hand to rest on the door by Harry’s ear, thumb tickling at his curls.

“Oh yeah? Thought you might.” He smirked just before Niall ducked forward to capture his mouth in a kiss.

Harry allows Niall to crowd him against the door, slouching a bit to find the perfect angle, trying his best to keep up with the blonde’s clever mouth and wicked tongue the way it darted in and out of Harry’s mouth, enjoying the way Niall liked to nip at his bottom lip, giving it a quick tug before he moving onto something else each new trick driving Harry insane.

He was already hardening in his pants and the other boy hadn’t even touched him yet.

Growing bold, Harry let his own hand trail down Niall’s sides, feeling the blonde shiver ever so slightly under his touch, stopping once he reached the waistband of his sweats, fingering the elastic there until Niall made an impatient noise, canting his hips up and into Harry’s hand, making the brunette smirk and finally snake his way down into his pants where Niall’s cock was hot and already wet for him as he gave it an experimental squeeze.

Niall keened, lips going slack for a moment as he just stood there panting into Harry’s mouth awaiting his next move. Pleased at his reaction Harry took hold of Niall, as much as he could, grip firm and steady as he stroked him at a lazy pace. The blonde grunted and finally resumed their snog with even more vigor if it were possible until their lips tingled, threatening to crack from overuse.

Niall finally pulled back, resting their foreheads together as he watched Harry’s hand work him from inside his trousers. “Haz, this is amazing and all but I believe you promised me a blow job.” He reminded with that signature asshole grin of his.

“Did I?” Harry asked, playing dumb as he gave Niall’s dick a particularly nasty pull, sending the blonde up on his tip toes in pleasure. “Well shit let’s not make a liar outta me.” He purred, walking them over to the blonde’s bed and pushing him down on it before crawling up after him.

XXX

Louis barges into the room to find Zayn with his pants around his ankles and smiles.

“Oh good, you’ve been expecting me.” He jokes, shutting the door behind him and making his way over to his still very confused boyfriend.

Wow. Boyfriend.

Zayn watches him carefully, his eyes never leaving Louis as he approached. “What’re you doing?” He tries to hiss. “Haz will be…”

“Haz will be off in the rec watching Kick Ass 2, giving us the room all to ourselves until lights out.” Louis finishes, snaking his arms around Zayn’s waist and slowly letting his hands slide down to cup his modest arse.

“Are you serious?” Zayn all but moaned.

Louis shrugged as if it were no big deal. “I don’t like owing people Zayn and by my accounts I owe you one fantastic orgasm.”

At this Zayn’s jaw wisely snaps shut, cutting off any further protests because he wasn’t about to try and talk Louis out of getting him off.

Pleased, Louis gives Zayn’s ass a delightful squeeze making the other boy hiss, his eyelids fluttering closed in pleasure.

“God you’re so hot.” Louis murmurs into Zayn’s neck, ducking forward for a taste—licking up from Zayn’s collarbone where his shirt dipped to just below his earlobe making him shiver.

Zayn moans his name and that’s all the incentive Louis needs as he quickly leads them to the bed, guiding Zayn onto his back before fitting himself between the V of his legs. They’re both hard again instantly panting and moaning into each other’s mouths as they rut against each other, their movements frantic and somewhat erratic both desperate to cum.

“Shit, baby I’m gonna shoot.” Zayn warned entirely too soon for either of their liking.

“No, no no! Not yet I haven’t even…” Louis whined trying to forced his hips still, but it was too late. After a few more thrusts Zayn threw his head back into the pillow, his face going flushed as he came so hard the veins in his neck threatened to pop with the intensity of it.

“No fair, I wanted to blow you!”

“Oh babe, there was no way I was going to last that long, not with how worked up you had me, _still_ had me from earlier.”

Louis was still pouting when Zayn surprised him by flipping them so that it was Louis now on his back with Zayn knelt between his legs.

“But I think you’re right, it’s only fair that _someone_ get blown and since you’re still hard I volunteer you as tribute.”

Louis climbed up on his elbows just to shoot Zayn an incredulous look. “Did you really just…god I’m dating a proper dork, how did this become my life?” He asked the ceiling.

Zayn shrugged not the least bit fazed. “Just lucky I guess.”

Louis hummed his agreement, grinning as Zayn slithered down his body until he was eye level with his bulge.

Without a word Zayn made a grab for the waistband of Louis’ joggers tugging them down with the help of Louis who lifts his hips easily, shoving down his pants as well, breathing out a sigh as the cool air of the room hit his cock and watched Zayn slowly lick his lips, looking like something right out of a porno.

“Have you ever sucked cock before?” Louis asked remembering their conversation about Zayn’s inexperience.

“Uh no, not really. I’ve watched porn though—I know what to do in theory, hope that’s ok?”

Louis shot him a look as if to ask if he was mad because who in their right mind would mind someone sucking them off. “Sure, contrary to belief there really isn’t a wrong way to give a blowie just be mindful of yer teeth and yer good to go.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Nodding once Zayn adopted this look of pure determination as he tried to decide where to start, in the end he went with what he already knew, bringing a hand up to wrap around the hot base of Louis’ dick giving it a few firm strokes before leaning forward to cover the head with his mouth.

Louis’ toes immediately curl as Zayn takes to sucking dick as fish do to water, sucking and stroking and licking—letting his tongue swirl around Louis’ sensitive head, fondling his balls like he’d been doing it for ages, it was rather wet and messy but that made it all the more amazing, but by far Louis’ favorite part was the noises Zayn made, the curious little hums and long luxurious moans that vibrated against his cock making him gasp.

All too soon, Louis had become a whimpering mess, the hair at the back of his neck sweaty from thrashing about on the pillow, the muscles in his abs convulsing in an attempt to stave off his orgasm for as long as possible, but it was of no use—Zayn felt so fucking good around him.

“You can uh, you can put a finger in if ya want to…” Louis whimpered, fighting to keep his eyes open at this point.

Pulling off reluctantly, Zayn asks. “What?”

Forcing his eyes open to meet Zayn’s, Louis wet his dry lips and repeated himself. “You can put a finger in if ya like…I sometimes need it but you don’t have to like.”

“How?” Is all Zayn could manage, still stroking Louis at a languid pace.

“Lemme see yer hand.” Louis panted, find it exceedingly hard to form a coherent sentence under Zayn’s ministrations.

Zayn offered him his right hand and watched in amazement as Louis brought it to his mouth, sucking two fingers into his mouth, keeping eye contact as he obscenely went about thoroughly wetting the digits to his satisfaction. “There now they should go, uh in easier.”

“You want me to…” He asked with a raised eyebrow, just to be sure.

“You don’t have to if you’re not into it…”

“No, I—I want ta…” Zayn trailed off eyes roving freely down Louis’ body to land on his plump bottom and swallowed harshly. “Yeah…yeah I definitely want ta.” He whispered, voice gone low and a bit raspy.

Spreading Louis’ cheeks, he touched a finger to his puckered hole, letting the tip of his index finger circle experimentally, noting the hitch in Louis’ breath as he did so. Finally feeling brave enough, he pressed ever so gently feeling the way his finger immediately got sucked into the soft, warm heat, he was so fucking tight and perfect Zayn found that he could barely do much more than just push further in until he reached his knuckle, but it seemed to be enough to have Louis keening into his touch, hungry for more.

“M-more Zayn, add another babe, please.” Giving his finger one last wiggle Zayn pulled out and returned with a second finger, taking his time to work the two of them into him, watching as Louis opened for him, back arching up off the bed in pleasure and smirking proudly knowing that it was all because of him, that _he’d_ done that to him.

“Ca-close.” Louis warned suddenly, after Zayn began scissoring his fingers, getting Louis nice and loose, the tips of his fingers grazing his oversensitive prostate every time, forcing these delicious little grunts out of the smaller boy’s mouth no matter how hard he tried to fight it.

“Oh yeah? You gonna come for me then? Did I do a good job? Show me, show me how much you like it baby.” Louis’ entire body froze, pulling tight as a bow before he finally let go, his entire body quaking in ecstasy, goosebumps breaking out all over as he fought not to moan at the top of his lungs.

“Shit that was, that was bloody amazing.” Louis said, pushing the sweaty hair that had flopped into his eyes back off his forehead trying to catch his breath.

“Yeah?” Zayn said proudly. “Not bad for a virgin eh?”

Louis shifted his eyes lazily over to him to shoot Zayn an annoyed eye roll. “Oi don’t get cocky now, you’ve still got a lot to learn.”

“Hmm and you plan to be the one to show me the ropes I reckon.”

Stretching his arms over his head, Louis grinned as he felt Zayn’s eyes on him. “Course, and we’re definitely doing _that_ again—hopefully soon.” He yawned just catching the smirk Zayn tried to hide behind his hand. “God look how smug you are…I’ve created a monster.”

“Only for you babe.” Zayn promised, blowing him a kiss from where he still lay, chin pillowed on Louis’ inner thigh.

It was Louis’ turn to look smug as he pulled Zayn up his body by his hair until they were kissing again.

XXX

“Fuck Haz, that’s it, uh.” Niall groaned, throwing his head back against the wall, the hand he had tangled in Harry’s curls tugging gently in encouragement as Harry swallowed him down as far he could.

He’d never sucked someone off before Niall, his only sexual experience had been with Caroline and a failed game of doctor with the daughter of his dad’s associate back when he was six but he was quickly learning what Niall liked and what drove him absolutely mad, cursing like a sailor and forgetting that he was meant to be quiet. Harry loved when that happened.

Pulling off, he nosed his way down to the blonde’s balls, nuzzling his fuzzy sac before sucking them into his mouth one at a time, salving them with spit listening for the way Niall’s breathing picked up, his grip on Harry’s hair tightening, that meant he was nearing release.

“Almost there babe.” He grunted, pulling Harry off his balls to guide his mouth back to his dick. “Gonna need it nice and fast, you can do that for me ya?” Harry nodded silently, popping the head of Niall’s dick back into his mouth to finish him off.

Niall felt it then, that red hot tingle in the pit of his belly that meant he was about to cum, his hips making shallow involuntary thrusts up into Harry’s mouth when the door to the room suddenly flew open as Liam entered, bouncing like an excited puppy.

“Guys did you know they’re playing Kick Ass—holy shit!” He cried out, slapping a hand over his eyes. “Shit, I’m sorry I should’ve—should’ve knocked or actually you should’ve locked the bloody door what the fuck guys!”

“Liam!” Harry screeched at the same time Niall snarled. “Get the fuck out!”

“Right, right I—can’t find the—” Liam cursed as he bumped into the door jamb twice before finally ducking back out into the hallway. “Lock the bloody door next time Jesus.” He growled before blindly pulling the door closed behind him.

Meeting each other’s eyes the two boys immediately fell into a fit of giggles, the mood effectively ruined as Harry glanced down at Niall’s softening penis.

“Damn and that was shaping up to be a good’un too.” Niall pouted, tucking himself back into his pants. Harry nodded just as disappointed as he looked to the time and realized they didn’t have enough much time before lights out left anyway.

“Next time?” He asked hopefully and was rewarded with a blinding smile.

“No doubt babe, anytime you have the urge to use that pretty little mouth of yours fer evil I’m yer lad.” He said with a wink that should’ve come off as a bit skeevy/smarmy but because it was Niall it just made little Harry stir with interest at the promise of next time.

XXX

The next morning during homeroom Aimee reads the usual morning announcements that mostly go ignored by the students until she mentions handing the mic to Taylor who has a ‘special’ announcement. Moments later Taylor’s overly sweet voice comes over the speaker as she announces a reminded that this year’s MORP was coming up, the theme of which was Reaching for the stars.

Everyone groans at the lame theme and Harry looks around confused until he leans over to ask Louis and Aiden what the hell a MORP was.

“Prom spelled backwards ya donut because that’s just how we do things here at MS screwed up and ass backwards.” Aiden finishes with a wink.

Louis rolled his eyes at his mate. “It’s actually because MS is so unconventional that up until like two years ago they didn’t even hold a prom but thanks to a lot of begging on the student’s part Simon finally relented but added like all kinds of ridiculous rules like we’re technically not supposed to have dates, so that no one feels left out. Everyone dances alone I mean you can dance near someone you might fancy and pretend you’re dancing together but no touching and they never play slow jams—because what’s the point ya know? But I suppose it’s still better than none. There are other rules too, but those are the main ones.”

“No dates? That sucks.” Louis nodded his agreement before continuing.

“People ask anyway and even sneak a dance together when they can, while the staff and Simon look the other way and pretend they don’t know it’s going on…it’s really not as bad as it sounds, I promise.”

Harry made a thoughtful sound deciding to take Louis’ word for it. “So are you going then?”

“That depends on if I’m asked.”

“But I thought you and Zayn…” Louis cut him off with a flick of his wrist.

“Oh we are; but that doesn’t mean I don’t still want to be asked.”

XXX

When class lets out Harry hangs back while Niall stuffs his books into is bag, grinning when he notices Harry waiting.

“Hey babe, what’s up?” He sing-songed playfully bumping their hips together.

“Nothing just, Louis was telling me more about this MORP thing and it sounds pretty fun, like back home I probably wasn’t going to attend my prom but now that we’re well you know, I was thinking maybe we’d go together?”

Harry watches in horror as the smile melts off Niall’s face.

“Aw damn Haz I’d love to, but I sorta already told Selena I’d go with her.”

Harry’s eyebrows shoot up on his forehead in surprise. “Seriously? How Taylor _just_ made the announcement.” He reminds him suspiciously, if he didn’t know any better he’d think Niall just didn’t want to go with him.

Niall brought a hand up to his mouth, biting his barely-there nails. “Officially yes, but Selena and Taylor are best mates so she’s known about it for ages and last year she went with Justin and apparently had an awful time so she asked me ages ago to secure me as her date, said if neither of us were seeing anyone by the time the MORP came around that we’d just go together and I like to keep me promises.”

Harry tries not to feel hurt that Niall still doesn’t consider them ‘dating’ despite their conversation in the mountains.

“Oh cool maybe I’ll ask Taylor to go with me then, make a double date of it?”

“Wey hey, I bet the girls will love that.” Harry chews the inside of his cheek and tries to look excited.

He asks Taylor to go with him during lunch and the squeal she lets out has him already regretting this decision as she attacks him with a suffocating hug chanting yesyesyesyes until it’s no longer a word just one long string of noise.

Once he’s settled back in his seat, accepting the playful ribbing from his mates for picking her out of all the people in their school, only interrupted by someone approaching their table.

Everyone looks up to see Troye shyly toeing at the floor with his sneaker, avoiding everyone’s gaze but Liam’s.

“Hi Liam.” He greets in a meek voice, staring up from beneath long lashes.

“Troye hey, what can I do for you?”

“Oh.” The younger boy squeaks, caught off guard by the question. “Well I was wondering if you’d been asked to the dance yet.”

Brows meeting on his forehead, Liam rubbed his chin in thought. “Erm no actually”

“That’s great!” Troye cheers before catching himself and quickly backpedals. “I mean not the fact that no one’s asked you because you’re quite fit and lovely and I’m sure everyone just assumes you’ve already got a date, that’s why they haven’t asked.”

“Or maybe tons have already asked and he’s turned them all down.” Louis pipes up, cold eyes boring into Troye’s own making the freshman physically shiver and force himself to look away.

“Right, of course.” He agrees, softly chastising himself under his breath.

“Leave off him Lou, he’s just teasing Troye I haven’t been asked yet…are you planning to go then?” Liam asks, offering the other boy an encouraging smile.

Troye brightens noticeably under Liam’s attention. “Yes, I mean I’d really like to…with you.”

“Oh.” Liam breathes as though he honestly hadn’t put two and two together and realized that was the cause for all of Troye’s stammering, that this was what he was working himself up to all along.

“It’s just you’re graduating out this year so this is literally your last chance and if anyone deserves to let loose and have a good time it’s you Liam.”

“Wow you know I hadn’t even thought about that, god this _is_ my last year, this is really it for me boys.” He says glancing around the table at his mate, his smile suddenly going a bit wobbly at the reminder.

“The hobbit’s right you do deserve a night of fun Lee.” Louis acquiesces. “Doesn’t mean it has to be with _him_ though, I’m sure if you hold out a better offer is bound to—”

“Hey, don’t be rude Lou, Troye is perfectly lovely, in fact.” Liam turns back to the freshman who was now nervously wringing his hands in front of him. “I’d love to go with you Troye, thank you or asking.”

“Well that’s alright just thought I’d ask—” Troye mumbled dejectedly already making to turn and head back to his table when his eyes suddenly go wide as what Liam said finally registers. “Wait did you just say yes?”

“I did.” Liam nods, trying to hide is smile.

“Oh—wow oh ok, um thank you, I mean great that’s so great we’ll have fun, it’ll be so much fun I promise!”

“Ok.” Liam agrees, sounding amused as he watches the smaller boy stammer over himself, trying in vain not to show just how excited he was.

“Right well I’m just going to go um back to my table then and let you enjoy your lunch; this is so great wait until I tell Anthony, he’s not going to believe me but jokes on him because you said yes.”

“I did, see you later Troye.”

“Oh right um, right see ya.” He blurts before finally scurrying off.

Louis barely waits until he’s out of ear shot before he snorts. “I cannot believe you just agreed to go to the MORP with _that._ ”

“Him not that.” Liam corrects, tossing a fry at Louis’ head. “Troye will make a perfectly fine date.”

“Yeah besides it’s not like he can go with the lad he truly fancies going with.” Niall throws in without thinking as he scrapes the remnants of chocolate pudding from his bowl with his finger.

“Nice going Niall remind him of his hopeless crush.” Louis chastises, picking up Liam’s fry and throwing it at Niall. The blonde examines it before shrugging and popping it in his mouth, not looing the least bit sorry.

Liam shrugs, seeming unfazed. “It’s fine, like I have a feeling that even if it wasn’t against the rules he probably wouldn’t go with me, just don’t think he sees me that way.”

There’s a pregnant pause around the table before they all break out in sounds of disbelief.

“Are you daft or touched in the head mate, Ed is bloody mad for ya!” Louis crows, shifting his eyes over to the ginger in question who was watching their table, while nodding at whatever Ellie was saying.

“He’s really not, I have it on authority.”

Zayn snorts. “Whose authority?”

“ _Mine_ , I kissed him the other day and he pushed me away and when I tried mentioning it again later he basically told me to just forget it ever happened.”

“That doesn’t necessarily mean…” Harry tried to reason but the look Liam shoots him is enough to shut him up.

“Yeah it does and it’s fine, it _has_ to be fine so let’s just drop it alright?” The boys all look like they have more to say but in the end they respect their mates wishes, if reluctantly.

“Sure so let’s talk about how we all have dates—us a rag tag team of misfits going to the MORP.” Niall says instead, grinning as he taps Harry’s shoe under the table with his own.

“Speak for yourself Horan I’m not going.” Louis announces, dropping all pretense of eating his tuna sandwich

“You’re not?” Zayn asked, eyebrows wrinkled. “But I thought…”

Louis cuts him off with a shrug. “Haven’t been asked.”

Realizing what Louis was doing Zayn let out a weary sigh and made a show of reaching across the table for Louis’ hand, cupping it in both his and looking longingly into his blue eyes.

“Louis, my darling.” He starts causing Louis to scoff. “Would you do me the esteemed honor of accompanying me to the MORP?”

Louis pretended to think it over for a few seconds, examining his nails, playing with his straw a bit before taking a drink of water then finally he looked across the table to where Zayn sat and pulled a ‘meh’ face.

“Eh, I suppose so, if a better offer doesn’t come up.” He sniffs, tearing at the crust of is bread for something to do, but the faint curve of his lips told a whole different story, softening his words and from the looks of it, Zayn caught on as his own face morphed into something gentle and sickeningly endeared.

It said that he was well aware of what he’d signed up for and that he didn’t regret it, not for a second.


End file.
